Saurabh Garg, Author at aboutSG

C4E Review – H1 2024

H1 2024 report for C4E and the business.

Hi!
6 months of 2024 are over.
And that means it’s time for a review.
Let’s go.

Also, for context, here are a couple of posts that I would use as reference points – C4E 2023-24 Annual Shareholder Report and my #in2024 letter.

I will break this report into sections. These are…

What is working well for us?
What is not working well? What are our challenges?
What is the plan for the rest of the year?
Some personal updates
Parting notes

Come join me for a ride.

Wait. Before we get started, here’s a postcard for you 🙂

This is from the most recent CSS (#CSS4) that happened on the 29th of June.

1/ What is working well for us at C4E?

This is my second favourite part (wait a bit for the favourite part).

So here are the things that are working well for us.

A/ We refuse to die.
To me, this is the biggest and the best thing ever. We’ve got our ups and downs but I believe that are not dying anytime soon. In fact, we are larger and hopefully stronger than ever.

B/ People seem to be happy
Most people at C4E seem to be happy.

Of course, I could be wrong since I dont get to talk to most folks on a day-to-day basis. And when I talk to clients, most clients seem to be happy with how our people conduct themselves. So the first pillar of C4E – People – is in place. They are happy. That translates into them putting in the effort for clients. Clients see that. And they shower praises. And then its a loop. So alls well.

But then I do see a challenge in making my people participate in non-work activities (such as Growth Sessions, thinking for the org, expanding our services). Apart from a few enthu cutlets, org-wide we are not really on a treadmill per se.

And in spite of that, I can safely say that my vision for the village seems to be coming to life. So that’s a BIG win.

C/ Clients
We retained our clients (though not at the money that I would have wanted to earn). We acquired new clients. And we let go of clients where money-mazaa-effort equation did not add up.

On this, allow me to elaborate. We are ok to ask for less if we have a lot of fun with work. We are however not willing to work with clients where we get paid less, we dont have fun and work is demanding beyond reason. While we are in a buyer’s market where clients get to dictate things, we continue to hold our heads high and only work on things where either we make money or we have a lot of fun. Or in rare cases, we get the benefit of the brand.

D/ Processes
As with any small business, the first chasm to cross is when you put in processes. We have started to!

While a lot of these are still not documented, we are much more structured now compared to when we started. The next step is to document these processes.

E/ Succession. Lol.
I am trying to not run C4E on a day-to-day basis. And I am almost there. The year-end review of C4E will come from the desk of Chandni. Hopefully 😀

F/ Cut losses
In the last 6 months, I’ve got out of two of my favourite projects – TRS and Podium. And the decision did not come easy. It was like letting go of a limb. Two in this case. But then I had to do it.

Of course, I continue to believe in the potential of both of these projects and I really wish I could manage them better. One ran for over 6 years. The other was for almost 4 years. I was unable to take either to profitability. More than that, in both cases, we couldn’t make decisions that would have taken us towards profitability.

I’ve learnt very very expensive lessons from both. Expensive in terms of time, money and mindspace. I will try to not repeat those as I seed DD (the only other for-profit idea that I am working actively on apart from C4E) and help Prak with PPP.

The point is, going forward, I will cut losses fast.

G/ Planted new 💣💣💣!
This means, we bought new domain names. We are now proud owners of VersovaIsHome, Decoding Duryodhan and a few more. What would each do, I am not so sure at this time. But kuch to hoga.

2/ What is not working well? What did I miss?

This is my most favourite part. Also, all misses are mine and not of the team.

A/ We remain a company that can’t pay well.
I really really want to fix this. I want to be able to pay top dollar to everyone.

B/ Cash flow is a challenge.
This has more to do with me, to be honest than anything else. I tend to bleed with experiments that don’t need our time or energy. I am investing in things that we do not need to at this time (see 1G above). I am not prudent with money at all.

And some clients have delayed our payments for structural reasons at their end (and at our scale, it is tough to sort of keep a float). I would never not pay our people because clients did not pay. So, I need to borrow. At this point, I now have more debt on me than I had at the lowest point of COVID.

So, I need to work on this. And I will do so over the next 6 months.

C/ Brand.
Our brand remains a challenge. We are still not as well known as we’d like to be. Leave the well part. We are not even known. We are far far away from the big leagues. We are unable to price our services the way we’d like to. We are unable to attract talent that seeks higher compensation.

A few months ago I decided that I would run this myself. However, I have failed at this. I will push this going forward.

C.1/ C4E Website / Creds
Our website is terrible.
Our creds are nice but I am not sure they are relevant in this day or age.

I need to work on this. We’ve made a brief but we haven’t been able to put things in motion.

However, I will push on this.

D/ No action on expansion
When we started the year I had promised that we would open up in a different geography. So far, we haven’t done anything to do that. We are very much in India. Concentrated in Mumbai.

Over the next 6 months, I will take one more shot at building our presence outside India. And I will try and sell something online. Wish me luck.

E/ One loss away from ruin
We continue to be one loss away from ruin.

We are very very leveraged as a business – we make money, we pay a randomly large chunk of that to people who work on projects (leaving C4E as an org with little and thus no savings), we move on. We don’t have a treasury per se. At some point in time, we will have to get that going.

If we lose a client, the ability to pay money to that team goes for a toss. Now that team is supporting other teams. And that goes for a toss as well. The entire business model crumbles like a House of Cards.

I need to ensure that we are not this fragile. Truth be told, I dont know how to do this. Any help?

3/ The plan for the rest of the year

So for the rest of the 6 months, need to work on a few things (as listed above). Apart from those, some others are…

A. “Corporate” Initiatives
It sounds funny to call C4E a corporate.

These include…

Putting in place a board of directors (would you like to nominate someone?)
Amping up our brand (means a new website, a new creds deck etc)
Acquiring new clients (see 2E)

Am sure there are more but these are the top of my head at this time.

B. One more attempt at new geography or a new business
Same as 3D. I will take one more shot at building our presence outside India. And I will try and sell something online.

So that.

4/ Personal updates

Not too much to report here (I dont think I am in the mindspace to talk about this). But here’s a list.

Health is on a fast car without brakes hurling down the steepest hill you can imagine.
On a personal level, I am probably at the lowest point – nothing exciting. I haven’t even been talking to my parents / sibling / friends etc. All I do is think of work and then nothing.

Nothing apart from that on the personal front.

5/ Ending notes

As I reflect on how things have been at C4E in the last 6 months, the biggest takeaway is that the Village seems to be coming to a reality. If I had my way I would find a physical space – in Bombay or Goa or Dubai or anywhere and then build another iteration of village there.

Second, I am no longer the face of C4E and it’s now split between AK, C, Prak and others.

Third, you will notice that I haven’t talked about numbers at all. And that’s by design. We will never chase a numbers target as long as I have a say here at C4E.

Third Point One. I have also not talked about awards we won (we won none), accolades we got (many), business impact we made (we dont track – we may have to change this) or any other things that typically make the highlight of such reports. The reason is my aversion to these vanity conversations. To me, the most important thing is day to day contentment and happiness of people that have chosen to call C4E home. And there’s no way I can measure that.

Four. I would have liked to capture some lessons from the last few months. Again, I am not sure how to quantify that. So I will leave it at that.

This is it!

If you’ve read this till here, please do let me know what you think and what I can improve upon.

Over to you!

PS: I am glad I could write this. The report helps me take stock of where I am. Where C4E is. And how far are we from where we want to be and how am doing as part of the village.

PPS: Thanks to Pradeep and Prakruti for the edits.

Untitled – 27/28 Jun 2024

As always, I dont know what to write but I feel like sharing. I started writing it on the 27th but I was unable to finish it. Continuing today.

Let’s go.

1/ Money

I am close to the month’s end. And that means I have started to get jittery about money. I need to pay my people. While it is a feeling of bliss to pay people who choose to work with me, often it adds to random chaos in my head.

This time it will be especially stressful as we haven’t been paid by all the clients (and of course that shouldn’t matter to others) but I have to pay folks on time. And I am at the end of my credit line. So I dont know what to do.

Let’s see. I’ve learnt that life often finds a way. I am sure it would find this time around too.

2/ Marketer’s Responsibility

~~Yesterday~~ day before I was dinnering with some friends and we were seeing music from Moosewala and Gurdas Mann and Rabbi Shergill and the likes. I lamented that the music made by these people was to push a narrative (I dont have an opinion if they were right or wrong), educate, inform and all that. My generation grew up on that. I wouldn’t know about Bilquis Bano unless I heard it in a Rabbi song. Indian Ocean back in the day made me curious about Rewa even though they didn’t talk about its significance. More recently, listening to Moosewala made me aware of Sec 295.

Compare it to what people are listening to today.

The top 10 tracks in India today include the likes of Jhumka Gira Re, O Maahi (I dont even know what this is), Sajni and more.

Nothing wrong with these.
Each must be a fascinating piece of art.
But are they stirring my soul?
Are they making me think deeper as a human?

No, I am not sure.

So that’s it.

PS: I know I am cherry-picking a few tracks to make a case – both from my time and from the time of today. And there may be musicians and artists in this day and age who are making people aware but it’s not reaching me.

Now, extrapolate this to communication and marketing.

Which was the last campaign (not just an ad) you saw that made you take note of what’s happening around us? Which piece of communication from a brand last stirred your soul into doing more? Which brand has taken a solid stand that you believe the world needs? No, I am not talking about token activism by brands around Mother’s Day, Pride Month et al.

I can think of Share The Load as a campaign that made at least me aware of how certain kinds of work have been gendered. For my life, I can’t think of any other campaign at this time.

I know that as marketers we ought to think only about selling our wares better. But we have the blessings of a marketing budget. And that’s an opportunity to push the narrative needed by the times! I believe we have a FAR larger responsibility than we imagine (of selling only our wares) and I see fewer and fewer people even thinking about things. Especially in this day and age when one smart-alec piece of communication is on-purpose designed to “go viral”. I mean look at the latest piece from Tanishq. I wish they had dug deeper.

Anyhow.

So, while I am appreciative of the great art and craft and thought used by these brands in their communication, as a marketer, I am disappointed that we are not building conversations and communication pieces that nudge the culture.

Phew.
Rant over.

3/ Fitness

I dont know why I am unable to work on my fitness. I just dont have the discipline. And I will change that from today. This is the millionth time that I have promised myself and the world that I would work on my fitness. Let’s see if I can manage.

I plan to start with some yoga. I dont know how to carve time in the morning. I dont have time during the day. And at nights I am too tired. Old age, you see. But I will find time. Maybe I will wake up super early – like at 4:30. And then get some work done before 7 AM and then do it? I don’t know. I will see. May be I will NOT travel for the next few days and then see if I am able to get a schedule in.

I will also change my diet from today. I ate Suraj Lama Momos for like 100th time last night. No, they are not that good. Just that they deliver super fast. Like in 10 mins. Faster than instamart.

I will go on a lo-carb, high-protein diet. I will try for a few days. If I can’t sustain, I will find myself a cook. So that.

4/ Baarish

Yesterday it rained. And it poured. And it was windy. And it was relentless. And I was in it. At the C4E Sunset Club. And it was fabulous. Oh, while I was in the rain, I was on a call. And I loved each minute that I was there.

I wish there were more rains and more opportunities to get wet and more ways to enjoy it. I wish I lived in a house that was near the beach so that I could go there more often. I wish the monsoon was not a two month phenomenon. I wish I have less and less places to be so that I could be at the Sunset Club, under the rains.

Bas itna hi.

5/ Action

The last night I was talking to an acquaintance. She asked me how I was. And I gave my usual answer. Here’s a screenshot from the conversation.

Let’s park this as A. I will come back to this.

Last night (while getting drenched in the rain), at the C4E Growth Session, I encouraged each person at C4E to list their values. I also tried to list my values. I’ve done this a million times but I thought I would do it again.

Here’s a list. Let’s call this B.

Now, when I marry A and B, I realise that life has become monotonous. There is no action, no movement, no fun.

I may say that I’ve become stoic (after all, I am stressed that I dont have the money to pay my people, I can be sad that I dont have a romantic partner, I could be fucked in the head about my inability to steer C4E in the way I want to and many more things). Or I may accept that I’ve become lazy and dependent on others for things. Funnily, in my life, I was never this. I was always atamnirbhar. I was always the go-getter. Always the kind to do things by myself. And if the events of the last few months are anything to go by, I need to operate from the place where I am all alone. Everyone leaves. It’s not if. It’s when.

Saw this couplet by Faraz on Instagram and I was amazed that some poets can capture emotions so well. This is EXACTLY how I feel on most days. He says,

बुझी नज़र तो करिश्मे भी रोज़ो शब के गये
के अब तलक नही पलटे हैं लोग कब के गये

करेगा कौन तेरी बेवफ़ाइयों का गिला
यही है रस्मे ज़माना तो हम भी अब के गये

मगर किसी ने हमे हमसफ़र नही जाना
ये और बात के हम साथ साथ सब के गये

अब आये हो तो यहाँ क्या है देखने के लिये
ये शहर कब से है वीरां वो लोग कब के गये

गिरफ़्ता दिल थे मगर हौसला नही हारा
गिरफ़्ता दिल हैं मगर हौसले भी अब के गये

तुम अपनी शम्ऐ-तमन्ना को रो रहे हो “फ़राज़”
इन आँधियों मे तो प्यारे चिराग सब के गये
Faraz

The couplet in bold and underline is what caught my attention the most.

So that.

Coming back.

Maybe I need to be a lot more hands-on.
Maybe I need to be a lot more particular.
Maybe I need to push myself more.

I dont know the answer.

Let’s see.

Chalo, work beckons. Enough for the day.

Untitled – 19 Jun 2024

An untitled rant about things that are clouding my head.

Morning ladies and gents. Here are the things that I want to catalogue on the 19th of Jun 2024. This is a brain dump of all that I’ve been thinking about over the last few days.

1/Rain is here in Mumbai 🙂

Love it!

I know there is muck and stink and all that but I am ok as long as I can go home and shower. I think it’s my most favourite season. While it’s still hot and muggy, the shower sort of cleans you from within. Like a shower for the soul!

If I had my way I would get wet each time it rains. Someday I would have a house with a terrace and I’d just lie down while the rain gods belt me with their amrit and prasad.

I know a lot of folks I know dont like rains and it’s ok. I also tend to not like it when the aircraft shakes likes a mixer in the monsoons. But then its a small price to pay for the gorgeousness of baarish 🙂

Here’s an exhibit.

2/ Am taking a backseat from day-to-day operations at C4E.

Something that I’ve wanted to do for long.

Not because I want to retire but because I want to be able to do more with my time. I want to expand us beyond the borders of India and build more things for the entire village. I also want to take a shot at building a unicornable idea. Right now, C4E does not look like one.

I tried to go offline and pass on the baton a few years ago and when I did that (I went to EBC) and I lost 66% of my business.

Fast forward to 2024. In C, I have identified a fairly able person. Plus I’ve trained over the last two years. And we’ve set things in motion.

We are experimenting till Sep of 2024 and then we’ll see where it goes.

I just need to figure if she would stay with me for the long haul. My experience of having people stay with me is not the greatest. And since it’s just not one person that has moved on, it has to be me at fault. So that.

Also, my insecurity with “my” people has sort of resurfaced with this decision. I thought I had made peace with people moving on. But now I know I haven’t been able to. And I dont know what to do to settle this. I dont know how people find people that would stay together for lifetimes. I dont know how to get used to see people drift away from your life. I dont understand how people you decided to build your life with are no longer in your life. There are times when I still think about all those folks that have moved on. While I need to have happy memories, I tend to get not so pleasant ones as well. And now that I have put this ball in motion, am mindfucked half the times, thinking about when (not if) when C moves. Ok, clarification (realised this while editing). It’s not about her. It’s about me and in my inability to hold people together. Plus this is a recency thing. I realised that less than a month ago that one of my super-long-term friends moved on without telling me. And I am yet to come to terms with that. So that.

Anyhow. We’d come to it when we come to it. For now, the transition is in place.

3/ Lost sight of 40 crores target.

For context, I had decided that in this financial year, I would do a topline of 40 crores. And Q1 is almost over and we are not even at 40 lakhs. I’ve lost sight of the goal 🙁

I can justify this by saying that am building the base for the next phase of growth. After all, we have processes for most things, we have documented a lot of things, there’s a transition happening at C4E. There is no need for me to be involved in large decisions. Etc etc.

But the hard cold fact remains that we are VERY VERY far from 40. Heck, the way we are going, even doing last year’s 4 looks tough!

And no, I am not worried or anything. I am putting this on record. And no, there’s no pressure on anyone from my team to do more than what they want to. Just that we need to be aware of this and then at some point act on it. And since the transition is underway, it’s C’s problem now ;P

4/ Being unhealthy.

I dont know what to do about it. Despite being a diabetic, I haven’t moved a muscle on things. I dont know what to do. Thing is, apart from this health thing, I am NOT lazy at all. And even when I see my energy waning, I am not inspired to do more. Just today I walked 1000 steps and I was puffling like I had run a marathon!

I even have my why to live and yet I am not willing to work on my how or what. As an aware, intelligent, smart and all that man, I know this is not the right thing if I have to do more in life.

But I am unable to fix it. Maybe I will pick some sport. Maybe yoga. Maybe I will finally join a gym, my hernia be damned. Or dance. I really really would like to have a chiseled physique like Jason Statham’s. Sigh.

Oh, I am munching on snacks as I write this!

And this is it. No, no intervention is needed. This is my public journal of thoughts and ideas. I am ok. As ok as I can be. Thank you for indulging me ;P

Untitled – 31 May 2024

I caught some fever last Friday.
Been a week since.
I think I have recovered now.
But here are some recollections from the time I was perpetually in my bed. And some from after I recovered. These are not recollections per se – rather pieces that I want to capture somewhere.

Let’s go…

1/ You lose weight to start with. I lost 3 KGs.

2/ In the delirium induced by fever, you remember things that you never knew you knew. Like I remembered this young girl – she used to be an intern at VISCOMM and now she’s a kick-ass, award-winning screenwriter.

I remembered a friend-ish person who passed away a few weeks ago.

I had vivid memories of spending time with my ex-girlfriend at her house.

I am working on an event in Phuket next week and I was thinking about it a lot. Update – I am no longer doing this 🙁

3/ For some reason the taste buds die. Coffee starts to taste different. The thing that typically tickles your taste buds the most (Pani Puri) fails to wake up any emotions. Even the inhaler smells different. I can empathise with people like AK who have long-COVID.

4/ Whoop showed me that my recovery was like 1%. Then it became 3%. Then it climbed up to some 40. And that’s as normal as things could get. Oh, day before, I hit 100% on sleep for the first time I think. I slept for more than 8 hours. I dont think I’ve ever needed this much sleep but since Whoop says so and I’ve now managed to hit a 100% mark, I need to rethink this.

5/ I finally downloaded Bumble. Not my ideal choice – the anxiety and sadness of not getting matches is real. But I dont know what else to do. I remain too much of an introvert to walk up to women that I find interesting. What else can I do?

6/ Had to take up some working capital loan. I am really not cool about this taking loan, getting paid, paying back loan situation. Also, see #15.

7/ Walked to the C4E Sunset Club Point yesterday after the sunset. Was better – heat was less. The water was up to the ramp. Sat on top of the rocks. Realised that the view is better from up there. While there is something in touching the sand letting the water lap up to you, the view and the winds and comfort to the backside is better on top.

8/ Decided today in the morning that I will start reading again.

Read about 20 pages of Courage To Be Disliked. I will continue to choose self-help or biographies. No more books with lessons and all that. No more fiction for sure.

9/ Thanks to Rachna, we managed to submit the screenplay to SWA Pitchfest. To me, this is a big one. This is the first time a completed screenplay has my name to it! Now to go and shop it around and see if we can get someone to want to make a film about Aakanksha.

10/ Realised that 2 months of 2024-25 are over and we at C4E haven’t moved our backside on our plans to dominate the world.

11/ Grateful that I dont have to step out in the sun this treacherous heat. I know tons of folks are out and about and are working and all that. I respect them. I really am inspired by their efforts. I wish I could be like them. But I am not. So that.

12/ Last two-three days I have started to buy a muskmelon when I go back home from Starbucks. I cut it the best I can and then I eat it. I dont know if it’s any good for me but I do like the idea of doing something with my hand. No, I cant become a cook. No, I dont want to do fancy salads. This much – tiny bit – knife through the melon is all that I want to do.

Thing is, I’ve never had any taste for fruits but I am trying to cut on fried, packaged food and the best solution is to lean onto fruits. So that.

13/ I feel like snacking today. Have had some sugary cookies already. And I am sipping onto fizzy, sugarly, synthetic ginger-ale and coffee. If only I could come to a Starbucks everyday, not order anything and sit here to work, ISTG, I could change the world!

Let’s see what I end up ordering.

14/ I paid all bills in one shot yesterday – electricity, internet, mobile phone, GAS, cabs etc etc. I felt like an adult. But wait. haven’t I been an adult for like 22 years now?

15/ I also paid all my people. Love that feeling. I dont think I will ever want a CA to do that. Even if a CA does it, I will want to press the button. The feeling of paying people is unparalleled. Also, see #6.

16/ Grammarly has screwed their free product in want of getting more people to pay. Way too many notifications and pop-ups while writing.

Ok, enough.

More over the next few days!

Untitled – May the 12th

An untitled braindump.

A lot has happened in the last few days. And I mean a lot. From health scares to awareness of lack of money to getting stabbed in the back to taking the largest shot of my life to the decision to go to the mattresses. I wish I could write about all of it on a public forum. I know no one cares about it. I know that once am gone, all this is meaningless. I know all I can do is take lessons, give those to my folks and move on. So that.

Chalo, let’s write randomly about things that I am thinking about

1/ Ankita asked me if I could bring back LFW.

On a whim, I floated a form and I am gathering interest. Here. To be honest, I have mixed feelings about this. On one side, I get to write more. On the other, I am not sure if I have the energy or the time to do this.

In an ideal world, I would like to not worry about money and do all these things that enable others. But then we dont live in an ideal world.

2/ I am going to the mattresses.

If you know the meaning, great. If you don’t, well you dont. I am not explaining. But at this time, I am facing the biggest challenge that C4E has ever faced, after we became what we’ve become post COVID-19.

3/ Toto’s at Bandra

I went to Toto’s last night to meet some friends. It was a very very interesting meet. Multiple reasons

a/ I went there after like 15 years. The place is as buzzing, as expensive, as good as it was back then. I would love to meet the owners and learn about their story!

b/ While I was there, I realised that the best economic decision that you can make as a professional is to marry someone and bind your economic fortune with them. You may have an open marriage, you may not be lawfully wedded but once you start living AND EARNING AND SPENDING with someone else, you get to build an economic engine that in 20 years will give you immense wealth.

If you are in your 20s, find someone that is willing to “marry” you and you together build a life. The best-case scenario is when you can live together and limit your expenses.

c/ I realised I dont like traffic at all. I spent about an hour to go meet friends. I dont see the value in all that travel to meet folks. I know that I need to have deep relationships and community and all that. But I also know that all my energy gets sucked and drained in the commute. So that.

d/ All my friends there could only chat about LV bags, business class flights, Rolexes, sculpted bodies, curly hair and I dont know what all. I couldn’t relate to any of that chatter. A few days ago I stayed with a friend and his family and again the routine humdrum was about school, holidays in Europe and all that.

To be honest, there’s nothing wrong in that. This is what life is. May be I am a fool in chasing largeness – I dont even know what largenss could be. I mean all my friends have large lives – multiple houses, multiple sources of incomes, multiple holidays, multiple kids. And here I am, on the road again taking loans to make ends meet.

Lemme digress for a bit. I had decided that I would never take another paisa of loan. But in the last 10 days, I’ve had to take money twice. And the way things are I will have to take one more tranche towards the end of the month. Which is ok – this is a working capital loan, to be honest. But I need to be prudent enough to not lean on loans.

e/ I also realised yet again that I live a very unidimensional life. This is not new. And lately, I’ve been seeing signs of this all around me. Maybe I am seeking this only?

4/ Relationships

I’ve been thinking a lot about longevity and one of the tenets (apart from the usual suspects) is – healthy relationships. Of all kinds.

I suspect when you have great relationships, the stress hormones are not active enough to kill you. And if they are, the peace and harmony from these relationships would ensure that you dont die of stress.

So, I need to work on this.

In terms of relationships, in decreasing order of priority, I think we have the following kinds – romantic partners, parents, siblings, offsprings, friends, work colleagues, community, strangers and everyone else. Oh, and the most important is the relationship with self!

In my case, I think that the romantic partner one is the most fractured. I am ok with my parents (though they live away from me). I am ok with how I am with my sis, though I would like to be closer. The closest thing to my offspring is growing up fast and getting away from me. Sad but I can’t help it. And I dont want to inhibit her flight. Friends is something I need to work on. I have lately started to get more involved with friends from school and college (and I am struggling to be honest). I think I have a great relationship with my work colleagues. I am active in the community as well (work to honest, not locality etc). And I think I am ok with strangers – I operate from a place of empathy and trust. I assume everyone is good, unless they give me a reason to believe otherwise.

So, I need to fix these.

5/ The Village

All I do, all I am building, is this thing called the C4E Village. Right now it’s not a physical space but someday it would be. While that happens, I want to ensure that it does well. And I need to find a way to sustain it. And I need to protect it despite all odds. That’s it. Just writing this here.

Oh, the track of the day is this.

Over and out. See you folks next time!

Untitled – May the 4th be with you

Unfiltered stream of thoughts from a morning on a weekend (and some more days beyond the weekend)

I mostly start my posts with, “I dont know what to write.”

And then I dump my thoughts. And then something catches my fancy. And then I take that thread from the spool and start to work on it. Right now as I write this (I dont know when I’d publish this), I am sitting on the 47th floor of a high-rise in Manila, staring down to a mostly flat country, some high-rises in the distance, a bay beyond and then the ocean. It’s making me feel a lot of things.

Some are…

1/ I would like to live in luxury.
Right now I live in a tiny 1BHK that I find great by Mumbai standards. When I step out to friends’ houses and other places where my travels take me, I realise that there’s so much more about life that I dont know about. There’s so much more that I could experience. And I want to chase that – abundance, experiences, the novelty of the unknown, the thrill of access, the joy of community, the pleasure of enabling others and more.

2/ I like my mornings.
It’s 8 AM and I am listening to music and being busy with nothing specific (I checked email, read news et al). I could rather shut this and journal. Or meditate. To be honest, this post am writing is like a journal only. Just that this is a tad filtered compared to what I would write on my Roam. May be I will get back to a pen-paper journal? I dont know if I can do that well cos I know I dont like the idea of carrying a notepad. I dont know if my handwriting anymore. Let’s see.

I am writing another part of this at 7 AM, on the 8th May. Again, loving this feeling of being by myself and writing whatever is clouding my head. This blog has really come to become my echochamber and closest confidante.

3/ Am restless.
I dont know what to do with my life. For a change am ok with money. I just need to figure out cash flow management but apart from that am ok. I am rising up Maslow’s pyramid and I am finding it tough to navigate that. I’ve been working with a coach and even that is not enough.

There’s this tussle between the want and the need.

Want of a better life. Need to maintain what I have.

Want of growing 100X. Need of paying the bills.

Want of providing better for everyone. Need of ensuring they are paid on time.

On one side, am inspired to quit it all and go back to the safe havens of a job. On the other when I see my people do what they did yesterday (on the 3rd May), I am inspired to keep the village going. It’s through adding meaning to their lives that I find meaning in mine!

Part of this and the part beyond this is being written on the 5th May. But I like the cliched title a lot and I dont want to change it 🙂

4/ I was talking to VG about things in general and he asked me 5 people that I ?talk to outside of work. I realised I had none. Each connection, each relationship, each minute of mine is spent with (or thinking about) people from work.

Overshare but each of my deep relationships has been with someone around my work. So that. Now, I dont know if this is a good thing or bad. I know already that my life is fairly unidimensional where all I think about is work and nothing else. I’ve tried to find distractions in the past, including getting addicted to cheap dopamine – TV, Cricket, Films etc but for some reason, I feel very very guilty when I am merely vegetating. I am guilty of even getting into the MAFA (Mistaking Activity For Action) trap where sitting on a computer becomes “action” for me and I justify that.

So that.

Oh, in terms of people beyond work, I try hard to meet new people at each opportunity I get. I like the idea of being well-connected. I try and build as many loose connections as I can. On my last trip to Bangalore (some days ago), even though I was there for a day, I tried to meet new folks. And I did meet some. Of course, most of those folks won’t remember me after that night but I’d like to believe that at least one of those would stay in touch and at some point be of use to the village. I use the word use with mindfulness. I dont see people as objects. Just that I want to invest each morsel of energy in building the village. The two events from the night of the 3rd May (P3 and DD) and the messages from my people and stories of strangers have reaffirmed my belief in what I am working on. Just that at this time I am neither unable to explain that to people, nor I am able to find a revenue model for that. But then I think it will come to me with time.

Coming back. I dont have anyone that I talk to out of work. This may be a bad thing. This may be a good thing. But this is how it is. Do you have a way out?

5/ Health has been a recurring theme in my conversations.
And my inability to act on that front. And I know that I can’t be consistent with anything ever. I call this my inability to run a marathon. I know I need to not hide behind this excuse and do more but I am unable to.

Once I am back in Bom (which is Tuesday), I plan to drop everything and make health my priority. I’ve made such promises in the past. To myself. And to others. And to people that I dont want to disappoint. And yet I haven’t been able to act on it. I even have a “why” to be fit – live as long and do more – and yet I am not acting on it.

As I write this, it’s Wednesday the 8th. I slept at 10ish last night and I got 7 hours. Whoop tells me that my HRV is alarmingly low. I need to find a solution for that. I need to add some workouts to my life – I will do that. On the flight back home, I made an entire list of things and changes that I would make. No, this is not the first time I’ve made such lists. But this time I hope am able to implement this. The biggest thing I would do is get a coach to help me out – if nothing else I will get into some sort of routine. I need to figure money though, to pay for one. Know any “cheap” coaches that will come home?

6/ Attention deficit is a problem.
I was trying to read a book while I was on the break and I realised that I couldn’t focus on it beyond 2 minutes. And I’ve been a voracious reader all my life. To a point that I would read 100-odd pages a day. And I would read it all – fiction, non-fiction, anything. Now, I can’t do even 100 seconds. I am so used to multitasking, solving problems, and enjoying easy dopamine hits that I am losing my ability to focus. I need to solve for this.

Also, I was telling a friend the other day that I take 2 hours to get in the flow.

I need to work on it. I can’t take that long. Since I got the Whoop, I am realising that my sleep is not optimal at all. I remember that during lockdown I tried Naval’s 60X60 challenges (60 minutes of meditation first 60 minutes of the day) and I did manage a lot of days. I think I will get back to meditation. Luckily I still journal a lot – in public and in private – and that helps. This is a journal.

So, along with health, I will fix this bit too. Attention deficit I mean. I will make this the second priority. Health being the first one. I need to design my life around it. Right now, my life is optimised for work. So that.

7/ My mornings are sacred.
I do all sorts of things in the morning – work, emails, chatter from the previous night and all that. Even the thought of using my mornings for anything that is not work, I cringe. If I get on the workout bandwagon in the mornings, all my work would suffer. I need to maybe wake up earlier than ever? If I can be up at 430, I can wrap all my work by 7ish and then I can hit the gym or whatever? But then that means I will need to sleep by 9 PM. I think I can manage 9 if I can be disciplined. But then work, socialising, et al? Ok, this is a problem that needs to be solved. I will put my head to it and do it.

8/ Coming to the end of line in life.
In electronics retail, they have this concept of End of Line where once a product hits the peak, they stop working on it. The last few pieces are sold at rock-bottom prices and crazy discounts.

I think I have reached EOL in life. This means that my age, I can only take one more shot at greatness. In the next 5 years, life as I know it would change – at a personal level, on the health front – and others. So I can only do things over the next 2. So, things need to be done today and now. And I need to run faster. And I need to push more. I sat with AK and CM yesterday and gave them this spiel – that the two of them are my best shot at greatness. I would live a grand life vicariously – through theirs. I may never become a Sachin but with these two kids, I can become Ramakant for sure. And that probably would be the highest I would reach. This is a far cry from how I’ve lived all my life. I mean I’ve known since I was a kid that am a gift and I would be the richest man in the world. Today I realise that I probably would not even be the richest in the rundown building that I have rent a tiny house. And to be honest, this acceptance of a failed life is not a good thing. But…

But we persist. We continue to dream. Against all odds. Against age. Hoping that someday we would have enough. We would have abundance. And then we would hopefully make it to at least the top 1%, if not THE top.

So that.

Ok this is it. I shall publish this or else this would become an infinitely long blogpost with no end.

More later!

Untitled – 13 April 2024

A short note to help clear my head and get out of a funk.

It’s no secret that my life revolves around work.

It’s no secret that I dont have anything going for me in life apart from work.

If I were to look at the wheel of life (I filled it in 10 minutes ago), my life is, well, not lifing.

See the image below.

The Wheel of Life for Saurabh Garg on 13 April 2024

Now for context, compare it with what it was in 2018.

Do you see the change?

And this not-lifing has been a lot more visible of late. At least to me.

There have been far too many days with no action, with a lot of conduct unbecoming a C4E member, with a lot of mistakes by myself and the people around me, with a lot of random events that you dont otherwise expect a Saurabh Garg to be a part of. And with many more.

And the worst part is, I dont have control over any of those. And when I dont have an illusion of control (see footnote 1) over my life, I get in a funk. Right now, all the spokes of life are not spoking. Each is in disarray. And I dont know what to do about it. Worse is I dont know who to share things with. No, I dont need a life partner. I dont need a business partner. I dont even need a stranger that I can chat with to get the load off my head (FN 2). I just dont have anyone to share this with. Except this blog.

Thing is, for a large part of my work life I’ve operated as the man with the hammer of “if it’s a problem, go find a solution”.

I am used to looking at each thing as a problem and then working hard to find a solution to that problem. I know that life is unfair and you often get dealt a raw hand. When I am the one on the receiving end, I dont cry about it (see FN 3). I may rant about it but I dont lose my shit. And this solution-first mindset has been helpful. To a point that I’ve often survived. Vanita calls me a survivor. I would like to call myself a cockroach – I never die. I mean I will die at some point in time physically but I will not die before my actual death.

But this time, I am unable to find a solution. I dont know what to do. I dont know what to do anything on.

In terms of a 2×2 (am learning this from Hemant), here’s one…

Please excuse my handwriting.

So, if I struggling with a problem that has a known solution, I can easily solve for it. If it’s an unknown problem with a known solution, that is insight/epiphany etc.

If it’s a known problem with an unknown solution, I will have to be innovative about it. But if it’s an unknown problem and the solution is unknown as well, I dunno what to do.

And that is my problem at this time. I dont know what is wrong. And I don’t know what to do about it. I am doing all the things that I would generally do in the regular course of life. And because these are regular life things, they’re optimised. And thus there shouldn’t be any problems at all. But there are. And I dont know where are they stemming from. Wait. I don’t even know what the problem is. If I had known, I would’ve fixed it. It just that life isn’t living!

Ok, I am going in loops. I dont have an answer. I dont know when I’d find one. So that. Lemme end this misery and the misery of a post. With a track that I often listen to when am in funks like this one…

Over and out.

And no, no pity-party calls please.

Footnotes

The keyword is – illusion. No one knows what life holds for you. No one can have control over it. However you can have an illusion of control – you know, you could say you can manage your time the way you want to. You can meet the kind of people you want to. Et al. So I have this illusion of control over life.
I use this blog as my partner and I share my life with it. Unlike people who typically have one person for dumping all facets of their life, I have different people for different things. For work, I lean on Poo. For fam things, it’s either my sis or VG. For health, it’s Ashi. For others, there are people.
When I was younger, I used to crib a lot, and rant a lot. To the point that people would not even talk to me. I’ve worked hard to fix that!

The C4E 2023-24 Annual Shareholder Report

Hello!
So FY24-25 is upon us.
And here’s my attempt at reporting how the last year was and what we plan to do this year.

Before I start, I wish to reiterate a few things that I will not compromise on while we build C4E.

We will always be a culture-first, open company and we will prioritise the health and wellness of our people over profits. And this does not mean we would take it easy. See the next point.
We would not be outworked. (credit to Will Smith for the seed). We are not the most talented team but we would be the most hardworking team. We would work harder than anyone else but we will also choose what to work on, how to work and who to work with.
Today we may be offering a service X. Tomorrow we may offer Y. Day after Z. Whatever we may do at any point in time, we would do it in the C4E style (I need to write this guide) and all of us at C4E acknowledge that we are in this for the long haul and we are preparing ourselves for a Mahabharata – whenever that dawns upon us.

So with that, let’s go.

PS: In this entire piece, I am very mindful of the use of I and We. And I haven’t used these two words interchangeably.

1/ So, what is C4E?

Lemme start at the start.
What the heck is C4E?
I get this question a lot.
And here is my attempt to write about it.

I’ll start with what we are not.

We are NOT a communication business.
Yes, we make our money by offering services in brand strategy, social media, website design, marketing collaterals and more. We do this for large companies, startups and individuals. We do this by working on ongoing retainers and one-time projects. We do this by ourselves and with the help of numerous contractors. And we compete with other communication agencies of all shapes and sizes. And when someone asks who we are, we introduce ourselves as a communications collective.

But… but that’s how we make money.
Our identity as a group is different from what we do to make ends meet.

So more than anything, C4E is a village. Inspired by this post, here is my revised definition of the village.

We are a virtual place (for the time being) where each person is part of a village, a community larger than themselves.

Each person at The C4E Village is at most separated by two degrees. Each has been invited by someone we trust. And there is inherent trust and safety in being part of this community.

At the C4E village you can lean on others for help, support, input, connections and if nothing else, to have a good time!
Saurabh Garg

No village can ever exist without its people.

So if I were to ever talk about what business we are in, I would say, we are in the people business. Each thing we do is to bring people together, learn from each other and grow on the shoulders of each other.

Plus, we will always be big on culture. We will be open. We will encourage freedom and movement. And yet offer reliability. And like most communes in this VUCA world, we would make ourselves a perpetual learning machine.

So today the C4E Village operates as a communication collective. Eventually, we would take some other shape. Whatever that is.

2/ What did we do in 2023-24?

If I were to capture this in one line, I would say, 2023-24 was a great year for us but it could’ve been better. I like the idea of being divinely discontent!

2.1. Here are some wins to start with…

2.1.1/ We added more people to the team than I had imagined.

In 2023 we were 5+.
Now we are 10+.
We pay 30+ people every month.
The fee ranges from 5K to approx 150K.
No. I am not the highest-paid person at C4E.

If things go the way they are, we will be 20+ by the end of this FY.

PS: + refers to people who are third-party contractors that are not “married” to C4E.

2.1.2/ The C4E Delivery Model

While we’ve grown in numbers, we’ve remained a remote-first team. At some point in this FY, I will get a physical office in Mumbai but no one would be forced to be in office.

Despite our distance and the nature of work, we’ve been able to arrive at a delivery model where we deliver with insane reliability! It is built on the pillars of overcommunication, redundancy, frugality, freedom and trust. This has to be one of my biggest achievements. I know that as we scale this would get more and more tough to manage. But like in the previous times, we will learn and scale.

Happy to give gyaan on this, in case.

2.1.3/ We clocked our highest turnover since we started

We incorporated C4E in 2016.
Back then, I created the legal entity to be more tax efficient. Now, of course, we are a business with people and projects and profits.

We closed the last financial year with our highest turnover yet. We clocked in the vicinity of half a million dollars. I can share the actual number if you want. Ask me.

In terms of numbers, YoY, our turnover grew 86%. This means if we billed 100 in 2022-23, this year we billed 186.

In the last year, we made 178 invoices, served 43 clients, and offered services across 10 business verticals. In the previous year, these numbers were 135, 32, and 8 respectively.

2.1.4/ Acquired a few large clients

While I take pride in being the best friend to a founder, the nature of business dictates that we get some large companies. These companies help with retainers and that helps with building the team. So we were keen on getting some retainers and luckily friends and mentors gave us access to leads that we could convert into clients.

Some new clients that we started working with include GE Healthcare, Ajax Engineering, HDFC Ergo, Ageas Federal Life Insurance, Lux Cozi, Case New Holland, and others. As third-party contractors to other agencies, the team worked on Incredible India, AMFI, Microsoft and more.

We did lose a few clients. In most cases, we decided to pause our engagement. More on this later.

There’s a red flag here, however. Most of these new clients offered work to Saurabh Garg. Not to C4E. Today, the business is large enough that we need to have a structured business growth team that builds business independent of Saurabh. This is one of the problems 🔴 (I will use this dot to capture problems) I will work on with the team as we go along.

2.2. Some losses…

While the year was great all around, we made some blunders and losses as well. Here’s a list of the ones big enough that they need cataloguing…

2.2.1/ We had to let go of some colleagues and some colleagues let go of us.

While each person who comes into C4E is carefully vetted, we do make mistakes. So there was someone that we had to let go of. This is the second time since I started C4E in this avatar that I had to make the decision to ask someone to leave.

On the other hand, at least two colleagues chose to stop working with us. In both cases, they chose to move on because the money I could offer them was not enough for them. And that is the second thing that I want to fix as we go along 🔴. I want to pay more to my people. And to pay more, I need to earn more. And I need to work on that. We need to work on this.

2.2.2/ The Red Sparrow (TRS)

To be honest, this is more of a loss at a personal level but because I used C4E’s money for this, I am accountable. And I must document this.

So, neither we nor I are no longer a part of TRS. I was unable to communicate my vision to my co-founder and I was unable to spot a merit in her vision. We tried to disagree and commit but that road too wasn’t taking us anywhere. So instead of raising a child in a broken home, we decided to part ways.

Films remain a dream. And I will ensure that at least I am a player in the film business. This is thing number 3 that I want to work on 🔴.

2.2.3/ We had to let go of some clients

I will not use specific names but I realised that ALL (bold statement) clients that we let go of had the same traits. These are…

Unclear briefs
Unreasonable expectations (though I love the idea of being unreasonable)
Neverending iterations
Micromanagement
No value on time. Time is THE most non-fungible asset and I do not want to commit to a place where time is treated as if it’s in abundance. We are not in the business of renting our time and we will not be held accountable to a clock.

Of course, this is my version. This is my side of the story. If you spoke to these clients, they would have their versions. And trust me, I have tried to understand my and our shortcomings from them but I haven’t got any clear answers. So that.

3/ A report on SG as a leader of C4E

Brings me to a self-evaluation-ish report. I dont have a strict win-loss-fix format for this. I will talk in bullets. And I will keep my personal goals, plans away from this. For that, I have this tracker.

So, I recently declared myself a benevolent dictator.
I got some flak for it.
And I am ok.
And as a very self-aware person, I know my limitations as a human and a leader. And I know that the current version of SG is simply not equipped to lead the C4E of tomorrow.

So, I know that I need to scale alongside C4E.

As a result, I have started to invest more time into being a better human and a better leader. Of course, my world revolves around me but I am seeing the shift in me where am ok to be a distant planet in someone else’s solar system!

I have started to work in a manner that will make my team want to ape (hello, mimetic theory) and do better. And I have started to be more mindful of my words and actions. I’ve even engaged with a coach to help me with the next steps. Most work that he and I are doing is for the org, to be honest, but I am learning alongside.

And in the coming year, I will focus on building C4E (read a dilemma towards the end). This will mean I need to do the following…

Inspire better people to work with us. When I say better, I dont mean our current team is not great. I mean the quality of applications we get needs to be better. We should be spoilt for choice. After all, people create magic and we need great people for grand magic shows.
Put more structure into things. This means, building processes and creating failsafe mechanisms. From BD to delivery to money management. Like I mentioned earlier, Saurabh today is the linchpin that holds the org. I dont like that. Org needs to have more robustness.
Get a design leader on board. This has been my number one challenge for eternity. Lemme put a red dot on this 🔴.
Expand into new service lines or geographies. We already have one retainer client out of Dubai. We service it via a remote team, managed by a partner in Goa. Isn’t this amazing? More on this during the year.

While none of these 4 look like revenue-making actions, I believe these four would give me the grounding we need, the base we need to establish before we can jump to the next level.

3.1/ The lessons I learnt while running C4E in the last year?

Quite a few! List…

3.1.1/ The respect you get from the world is directly proportional to the amount of money you make.
I have been aware of this for a while but in the last year when I made visible money, I saw the attitudes of people changing. And you know what? I never want to go back to being poor again.

3.1.2/ There could be merit in saying no!
I have almost never said no to things. This is very different from what most people recommend in this day and age and yet I continue to say yes.

However, in the last year, I said no to at least 3 clients that were sucking away more energy than what we got as ROI. In terms of ROI, we want to make any two of three – learning, money or reputation. With these clients, we were only making money. Truth be told, it was hard to say no to money. Especially as a growing business but I am glad we did.

3.1.3/ Safe havens are not where mettle is tested
Nothing new or interesting in this. In the past year, we’ve had multiple instances where people in the team had to step up their game. Some did. Some did not. While we were prepared for such challenges, till we faced those for real, we did not know if we were prepared.

4/ The road ahead for C4E / What do we plan to do in 2024-25?

So, what next?
Afterall, all is well.
Money is coming in.
Clients are happy.
Culture is ~~good~~ great.
Now what?

Honestly, I dont know where to go from here on. I have a vague idea. I need to get the team together to do this. This is a task in itself. Big enough to have a red dot 🔴.

But I do know that I dont want stasis.
I dont want to sit easy.
I dont want to NOT make more effort than last year.

So that.

For starters in 2024-25, I want to 10X our topline.

And I dont know where this would come from. In terms of vague ideas, I shared the following with the team…

New territory – establish presence outside of India
New service – films, design etc.
New projects – C4Efilms platform
New focus / niche – crypto, d2c, affiliate, funnel, drip, healthcare etc

Each of these four has the potential to add a multiple to our topline. Each is doable. Each is equally tough.

So these four.

I dont know which one will we end up working on. We are still thinking. One thing’s for sure – whatever we do, we dont want to compromise on our values, promises, ethos or culture.

Oh, while the team will figure this part out, here are a few things that you can help us with.

4.1/ What do we need help with at C4E?

I’ve made this list of open challenges at C4E. The intention is to keep this as an open document and build C4E in public. You are welcome to pick up any of these and throw help, ideas, inputs, connections etc.

To make it palatable, at this time (7 April 2024), the key problems are…

Build Brand C4E – We are still not a brand that people aspire to attach their name to. As a client, as a team member, as a contractor.
Creative leader/owner – We need someone to lead the creative function. Someone hands-on. Someone willing to help the team and hustle.
Set up an office outside India.
Build a product / productised service – We want to be out of service business.
BD for C4E – We still don’t know how to acquire new business. Our pitching muscle is weak. I suspect once we get a creative leader on board, we will be able to fix this.
C4E website – Lol

At a personal level. I need help on the following…

SoG – building the next edition of SoG.
Brand SG – I want to attract clients and people and opportunities. And thus I will have to build my brand. I’ve never worked hard on it, even though I have a lot to say about it. Maybe in this year. This is also a large goal for me for 2024.
Hire for Team SG / SG’s office. I need someone to be dedicated to helping me do more.

Brings me to a large dharam-sankat. Aka dilemma that I talked about earlier.

4.2/ SG’s Dilemma

So, here’s a dilemma that I am stuck with.

At the place where C4E is at, I have three paths.

I can easily become a “regular” business, squeeze my team and take home a lot of money. And then live a good life.
Invest profits into building a product / startup that has a shot at being a unicorn. Today I don’t. And I’d be honest. I really really really would like to be among the richest people around.
Grow C4E into a communication business and take a shot at being a CLA, if not an Ogilvy.

Each day I wake up with a different want. Each day I want to take a different direction. I know the answer would come from within but this one large decision is what I need to work on and then go all-in.

5/ In the end…

As I end this, here’s a question.

What can we at C4E help you with?

Some ideas could be…

We are good at building a great culture. At least at our scale. Do you need gyaan on that?
We want to be the shoulders for your success. You stand on top of our shoulders and do well. Tell us what boost you need and we’ll do that.
Throw any problem at us – marketing, communication, strategy, brand, etc. We are resourceful. Relentlessly resourceful at that. And we know a guy that knows a guy!

So yeah.
This is about it for the report.
Please do write to me, should you have any questions. Or feedback. Or inputs. Or brickbats.

PS: If you have feedback for me at personal level, you may please use this form – https://forms.gle/28bVP8DYz2WGdHdp8. This is 100% anonymous. Like I mentioned earlier, I am a self-aware individual and I am willing to work hard to become better.

Thank you!

6/ Notes

I would have liked this letter to be more extensive. But I couldn’t for my life figure out what to write. But then, am glad I started. I plan to send a quarterly update as well. I hope to get better as we go along.
This is inspired by AK’s shareholder report series. The latest one is here.
The last time I wrote something like this, I published it here. I plan to be more regular from now on.

A Benevolent Dictator

At C4E, I am going to adopt the leadership style of a benevolent dictator and this is my attempt at the rationale.

A few days ago I met this classmate from MDI that I hadn’t met since we passed out of there.

In these 18 years, he’s lost at least 18 KGs and I am guessing made more than 180 million dollars (in USD) as personal wealth. The first two numbers are real. The last number is my best guesstimate.

And thanks to his work, he’s got visibility with some of the most celebrated entrepreneurs from around the world. To the point that he knows many billionaires on a first-name basis. Which is great. But that’s not the point of this post. While talking, he used the term Benevolent Dictator.

And that is what the post is about.

Benevolent Dictator.

Of course, the term sounds fancy.

And it means fancy things as well.

And it looks fancy when looked at from the eyes of Chat GPT.

Back to my friend.

He explained what this term meant to him. And whatever he said made a lot of sense. I came back home and read more about it and I am so inspired by what I read that I am willing to change my leadership style!

If I were to define a benevolent dictator, I would lean on this definition I found online (I missed capturing the source)…

A ‘benevolent dictator’ does what he deems necessary ‘for the greater good’ of the state he rules over, or the nation he specifically belongs to. An ordinary ‘malevolent dictator’ has no such concerns and is only interested on keeping power on his hands for the kicks of it.
Source missing.

How would this awareness change me? What am I so inspired by?

Lemme try and explain and catalogue the changes that I would make in my life.

For starters, I am willing to admit that I am a leader (of at least C4E).

This is a far cry from what I’ve maintained all my life (that I am no leader per se and if at all I am one, I am at best a “servant leader” – a position of responsibility where my job is to support people in doing theirs well). I have never set directions, dictated targets, pushed for deadlines, asked to deliver or did anything that you would expect a typical “leader” to. I’ve worked to build consensus in each decision. I’ve operated from empathy, at the cost of topline and profits. I’ve had people make decisions and I’ve always used Bezos’ disagree and commit. If there’ve been times when I hated the decisions taken by our folks, I’ve remained stoic and told myself that this too shall pass. And it often passes. Now, I probably will get into nuance (in the video, Jeff mentions that he often commits because he’s able to trust others and they’ve been together for years and he’s seen their judgements turn out better etc etc) before I disagree and commit. I am getting too much into details but I hope the thought is clear.

Then, as I read more about benevolent dictators, I realised that almost all progress (good, bad or in between)- human, technological, philosophical, societal, or otherwise – was seeded by dictators.

Lemme lean on history here.

The ones who were not kind pushed and left their people in a mess, a ruin. There are quite a few examples. Hiter is often called a mad dictator. There’s a long list of tyrants. I am not as well-read to have a direct opinion.

The ones who were benevolent took their people to a place of prosperity, peace and progress. Most people agree that Singapore’s Lee Kuan Yew was a benevolent dictator who made Singapore what it is today – a developed, prosperous state. I read on Quora that Marcus Aurelius is also often regarded as a benevolent dictator. Of course, I am a fan of Aurelius and anything and everything he does is worth copying.

The absolute power that these dictators commanded allowed them to make decisions that they would otherwise not be able to make in a democracy where different powers move things in different directions. And in decision is where the progress is. In indecision, there’s only potential. And I believe that any progress, even if it’s in the negative zone, is better than potential. Another example – Steve was a dictator (he might or might now have been benevolent) and he made decisions that made Apple what Apple is.

Now with power and the ability to make decisions, you can either go mad or you can see Pale Blue Dot often and become a benevolent dictator.

So, if I want to create progress in my village, I need to be able to make bold decisions, at the cost of displeasing my people and living with the knowledge of those tough decisions.

This is also important to me at a personal level. Especially if I want C4E and myself to go from a mild success to a wild success.

So, what does ‘SG as a Benevolent Dictator’ mean for C4E?

Benevolent Dictator is made of two words – benevolent and dictator. Each is important. Allow me to write about those and find an answer.

Benevolence is top-down kindness that “rulers” often shower their people on. I dont agree with this idea of benevolence. I am no one to give kindness from top-down. I am one of the people who run the business. And at no point I want to “give” to anyone. My definition of benevolence means shared kindness, equity, freedom, independence, personal liberty and more.

Dictator is someone who has complete control, authority and autonomy to work in the way they deem fit. I like this definition. I want to be responsible for actions at C4E and the output of C4E. All this while, I wasn’t. I was at best one of the folks who would own a part of the output. Now, I will change this.

The dictator has some resources (people and otherwise) and they need to apply their brains, will, persuasion, connections, ideas and all that to get the best possible return. In most cases, the resources are scarce. At least in my case, they are. I need to put them to optimal use!

So, as the Benevolent Dictator at C4E, I need to marshall my resources and take all of us to prosperity. And while I do that I need to keep reminding myself that I am at the service of C4E.

So that.

What would change in how I run C4E?

Lemme start with a lesson that I learnt from Gokul. He envisions CynLr as a platform for opportunity exchange. I would like C4E to be the same. Further, in the words of Rajesh Sir, I want to be like a hose through which prosperity and opportunity flows. I want to give shoulders to people. And no, I do none of these with an altruistic intent. I know that kindness and getting people together is the best strategy for long-term, sustainable profitability and I want to do that.

I believe that at C4E, of all the people on the team, I am best equipped to take on this role and maximise outcomes. Hello, delulu 😀

And the change at C4E? Truth be told, I dont know this yet. These are some broad areas that I am thinking about.

A/ I would start asking for more accountability.
This doesn’t mean people at C4E are not accountable – they are FAR more accountable than an average professional. Just that we tend to slack and take it easy at times. I need to fix that. And that fixing starts with me. I am the one that takes it easy the most.

B/ I would become more assertive.
It may sound stupid but at this time, I am NOT assertive at all. Like I said earlier, I believe in disagree and commit. I from now on will probably disagree, overrule and act. This would be tough, to be honest, but let’s see how this works. I also run the risk of wasting time on managing egos and all that. But let’s see how it pans out.

C/ I will say no to more things
My default state has been hell yes to each thing that I come across. And I want that to remain the case. However, I will ask my people to say no more often. And I will ask them to channelise their energies. I can the be the one that wanders all the time but I will need people to stick to things and take them to conclusion.

What would NOT change?

I know that the one thing that will NOT change at C4E is the freedom that people enjoy to work however they want to, where they want to, with who they want to will not change. This value of freedom is at the very core of what C4E is and I would not change that for anything.

Other things may change. I dont have a thought. I will think more over the next few days and add those here.

Finally, what do I need to be careful about as a benevolent dictator?

Since I’ve read some about benevolent dictators. I have a ready list of things that I need to skirt from. Here in bullets…

The lust for power. And the corruption by power. After a point, you tend to enjoy power and you want to enjoy power for power’s sake. I need to keep this at the back of my head that I am merely a servant for C4E who is working as a benevolent dictator to make things happen.
The sense of invincibility that comes with power (and control). I need to know that I am human and fallible. I do not want to ever get swayed by the inflated ego that the power would give me.
The loss of benevolence. The loss of humility that has made me what I am. If I had to choose between benevolence or dictatorship, I would choose the former.
The plundering of gains that I get out of running C4E as a dictator. This would be the most unfortunate outcome. C4E is a village and each thing that at least I earn needs to go to help C4E thrive.

So, that.

Guess this is it. Let’s see how I go from there in my new experiment. More later!

Further reads on Benevolent Dictators…

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20130219135706-3807-the-benevolent-dictator-as-ceo/

Waking up on the left side of the bed

Thanks to a sleep tracker, I realise that I probably need to fix my relationship status. Read on.

I recently got myself a Whoop. It has been telling me that I sleep about 5 hours and thus I need more. Last night I decided that the world be damned, I will sleep at 10. And I woke up at 6ish. So a solid 8 hours. As per it, I slept for 7 hours and 39 minutes (compared to about an average of 5-6 hours).

See this chart…

Now, logic says I should’ve woke up fresh, ready to take on the world and conquer it all.

But no, I feel the same like I do on most days. Groggy. Slowly. I can feel various parts of the body start cranking and come to life. I can feel various parts of the body complain about various kinds of pain and moan with various kinds of discomfort.

I want to justify that my body has been scarred in various battles over the years but clearly, that is not the case. It’s at best scarred with all the food I’ve gobbled over the years while shaping the couches and beds around houses that I’ve lived at.

I dont feel any more refreshed, any more rested, any more changed that I do on other days. In fact, something different happened. I woke up with the feeling that I should’ve woken* up next to someone.

And I need to address this feeling.
For numerous reasons.

One, I haven’t felt like this in a while.

My last stable, serious, relationship was a couple of months before COVID put us in a lockdown. 4 years ago**. And over the last four years, I’ve got used to having the entire bed by myself. I can’t recall when was the last time in the last four years when I felt like waking up next to someone. So this is new.

Two, I had always imagined that I am the kind that would be a lone nut. My eccentricity and life choices would make me an unsuitable man for anyone sane. The odds of finding someone who’ll accept my shenanigans is like zero. And all my life I have trained myself to operate as a one-person army. I mean I neither feel the need for having someone around me and if I do feel that on rare days (like today), I quickly remind myself that all modern relationships are built on the bedrock of convenience and comfort and capital and these things are often easy to screw up. In my case, I saw one of my serious relationships go south because I didn’t have money. So, when I feel the need to wake up next to someone, this means that I am not fully trained and I need to do more work in my head.

Three, lately, I’ve been flirting rather seriously with a friend. The kinds where am actually thinking about what to text her and how to make her smile. The kinds where I anticipate her replies and make decision trees in my head on how the conversation would flow. And no, I haven’t done that in a while. Thus, maybe all those conversations and thoughts about being with someone have switched on those neurons and receptors that signal affection. And this need to have someone on the right side of the bed could be an outcome of that.

This third one is easy to solve, to be honest. I know that these conversations are temporary and the road leads to a dead end. I am way too invested in her life and I know that my eccentricity (see point 2) would lead to jeopardy.

Four, I am used to living a certain way and doing things in a certain manner. These things may count as eccentric (again point 2) but these could also be dismissed as negotiable behaviours. For example, I dont want a kitchen in my home. I want AC at 22. I want music playing all the time in the house. While a potential occupant of the right side of the bed may dismiss these as “cute” behaviour, over time, these start to become points of contention and then a pillow magically appears between the line of control on the bed. And then it’s all downhill from thereon.

So that.

I am sure there are more reasons. But I do have this feeling and I need to find a solution. And I dont know how to solve it.

I will see if the feeling persists and lingers on. If it does, I will find a way to solve it. If it doesn’t, I can continue to use the right side of the bed to store my laptop, iPad, phone, book and all that.

Time shall tell.

With this, over and out. Thanks for reading my bedtime and bedside stories.

*Repeat. Woken up next to. Not slept with.
** I have had a few conversations where I thought they would evolve into relationships but they did not.