Saurabh Garg, Author at aboutSG

42 things I’ve learnt in my 42 years

Note: I started writing this list 2 years ago but never got around to finishing it. Today I will.

Yesterday, Nikhila asked me, “What would you do if you were 21 again & knew everything you know today?“

I thought it was a great prompt to get thinking and writing about two things – what do I know today. And what would I do if I were 21 again.

So, let’s go.

A/ What do I know today?

AKA, 42 things I wish to tell a younger version of self.

What do I know today? Well, I have to admit. Not a lot. In fact more I know, the more I realize that there are more things that I do not know.

But then I started to write this list a couple of years ago and since today I’ve decided that I will get this done. Thanks, V for this 6 AM writing gift.

Oh, here are a few disclaimers before I start…

A/ Do read this in continuation to the list of things that I want to do in my 40s.

B/ On this list, I will only put in things that I have experienced firsthand. No gyaan but things that have happened to me. Or not happened to me. I dont want this to be fluff.

I mean I will not say, “eat more protein”. I know it’s a universal truth but I haven’t experienced the advantages of eating more protein and thus I can’t talk about it.

So, here is a list. In no order.

Compounding is the 8th wonder of the world. Don’t know who said this. But it’s true. I’ve seen it in my life. Put everything on compounding treadmill.
Time is limited. This is the single most important thing you have. Spend money to earn time. Never rent your time out. Find opportunities where your time is spent on meaningful things like lunches, conversations, etc.
Dont hop from one thing to another. Never be in that zone of trying to find the next greener pasture. The grass is green on the side you choose to water it. Longer you water it, better it would be. Let it compound. Read point 1.
Learn to spot energy vampires and energy boosters. Eliminate the vamps. Invest in boosters.
Actions > Words.
If you make a promise, you better keep it. Try to become consistent. I suck at this. I am trying hard. I don’t know if I would succeed.
Some time ago, Sheba helped me discover the word that drives me. Movement. For a friend, it’s fearless. For someone else, it’s money. Find your word. Invest your entire being into it. Also, see this.
The ability to do something in public is one of the most underrated ones. You could choose your vocation – write / design / dance / write / speak / make fun of people / cry / do your make up / share your travels etc. So, build in public. And talk about it on the internet. Learn from AK.
Sleep well. Invest in your sleep. Do not make excuses about parties, work, networking, etc. Oh, while you may believe you are a “night person”, there is nothing more magical than waking up before the sun and seeing the sun shower the world with warmth. Of course, you may be a night owl. And that’s ok. You’re missing on it ;P
Keep your back straight and rest will follow.
Family > Friends. Family is what is imposed on you. Friends is what you choose. And you must choose carefully. These two (family and friends) will dictate how happy, how engaged, how inspired you live a life. I have been extremely lucky in this department.
Think long-term. Everything I have today has come to me because I’ve operated from a time horizon of infinity. See 1 again.
Know that you are an Average Joe. You are a midwit at best. I know of myself as the greatest gift to humankind and yet I know that I am an average. All the thing that dreams are made of – dating a supermodel, winning a jackpot, building a billion-dollar company – happens to people on the edges. I am not on the edge. Am bang in the middle of the middle. And thus I need to work hard. And I want to work at things that have the highest probability of success for an average person.
Give each person you love one rupee and one brick. This is a maxim from baniya community and it translates into giving your people work and room. More on this someday. I am yet to do this as a process but I’ve been at it.
Other people’s opinions don’t amount to much. They will not come to save you when you are drowning. Except when it affects your public reputation or brand.
Build your personal brand. This is one of the biggest lessons ever and one of the things I wish I had known sooner. I’d go as far as to say, chase vanity numbers – 100K on Twitter, 1M on Instagram etc.
See Pale Blue Dot every week.
Practice delayed gratification. This is an easy muscle to build. Each time you are tempted to do something, take a 48-hour break!
Read Naval. And implement what he says. While we are on reading, read Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus. This is a good starting point.
There is no substitute for hard work. If two roads diverged in the woods and you want to want on the one that makes all the difference, take the harder one.
Always operate from the humility of being a student. I know tons of young and younger folks who know that they know it all. And I am sure they do. And I see them as miserable humans. I don’t want to be that.
Invest in relationships. All kinds. Romantic, friendly, professional, etc. I’ve been a great beneficiary of these investments. Apart from the love department, I’ve been lucky in all others. And let them compound. See point 1.
Breathe. Meditate. Pause. Reflect.
Assume that you are all alone. On the darkest nights and toughest battles, I’ve found myself by myself. No friends. No lovers (my lovers were the first ones to desert me). No one. Apart from my parents and my sis. I’ve had enough of troughs to now know that I need to learn how to operate as a lone warrior.
Get a nice house to live in. When I say nice, I don’t mean you get Antilla. You need to get a room for yourself that no one can enter without your permission. Make it your abode. I have always overpaid for houses and I think the large investment is worth it. Oh, I still dont own one. I still live in a rented apartment.
Fuck the FOMO.
Take notes.
Learn how to read people. Most people are guided by the same tiny set of things – appreciation, respect, vanity, greed, fear etc. Spot who’s guided by what and then operate from there on.
Make friends with support staff. Invest in their stories, lives etc. Think of your Barista at a Starbucks. Think of your security guard, your domestic help etc. Know their names. Know their whys. Talk to them. More than a polite and transactional thank you when they serve you well, get to know them. These tiny things make life worth living.
Make friends with people that you have an age gap of 10, 20, 30, even more. My closest confidante today is a 23-year-old. I seek advice from a 60-year-old advertising professional. I built SoG as a means to stay connected to young folks. I built party of 9 to find more people to learn from.
Learn cold approach. I suck at this but I am learning. Read about PuAs. I should give myself a target of cold approaching 5 people every day.
Ready. Fire. Aim.
No, I don’t understand those maxims about direction and speed where they say that its important to go in the right direction (rather than going fast). If I knew the direction, I would run with speed. But like most folks, the direction is often not clear. I still dont know what I want to do in life. I dont have a mission. I dont know why I work hard. I do so because I dont know anything else. So, I operate with directionless speed. No, dont follow this advice 😀
Go easy on wokeness. While inclusion is important, it has lately become a cog in the propaganda machinery and young folks dont know how to see through it. An easy way out is to be aware of woke conversations but do not attach your identity to those. Even if you feel strongly about those.
Empathy is important. But not to the point that you can’t function.
Build the muscle to take hard calls. Asking someone to fuck off because they are rude to you is easy. But letting go of a colleague who’s working hard and is committed and is loyal and you can’t see them improving is hard.
The word “passion” is an over-abused one. You are not passionate about anything. You are merely seeing success in that thing. While you are on passion, read this by Giibran.
Incentives have superpowers. If you want to know what drives who, try to see what incentives are in place. In fact, read everything by Charlie Munger.
Learn how to not take a no. Again, I am trying to build this muscle. I think Dhirubhai used to say, “mujhe na sunnay ki aadat nahi hai“. Not sure. But I love the line.
Ask yourself often, what is that you are willing to give up to get what you want. I first heard this from Ajeet Sir. I’ve given all and more to be at this place. And no, this is not enough. I wish I could have more. And no, I don’t mean it from a lens of a complaining old man but from that of someone who’s divinely discontent.
All advice, all lists, all lessons, all things I know are an outcome of my own life. Most of these will not make sense to you. Most of these will not bear fruit. Most of these will be laughed upon. Like all general-purpose advice, take these 42 with a fistful of salt. Also see the last line of this post.
This is THE most important thing I know and thus I kept it for last – “this too shall pass“

Phew!

I am sure there are more. Adding those in appendix below. But these 42 came to me at this time – 8:30 AM, 27 Sep 2024.

Onto what would I do today if I were 21 and knew everything that I listed above.

B/ What would I do today if I were 21?

This is a tough one to answer.

For the simple reason that folks may read this as a manipulative piece (I want to get a lot of young folks to work with me) and my number 1 advice would be to work with the 42-year version of me!

I mean it. Whoever is reading this, if what I’ve written makes sense, come work with me.

But I want to be fair to Nikhila. And I know she will not want to work with me. So, if I were to discard my number 1 advice, here’s some more things that I could do if I were 21…

1/ Reconsider your decision to not work with me. No one else will give you a long leash, opportunities, respect. Ask C. Lol!

2/ You can have only three parts of life – career, personal life, and social life. Each activity in life can easily be clubbed into one of the three. And here’s the thing I would want the 21-year version of me to do.

Choose one of the three.
One. Not two.
Not one and a half.

You will live a very unfulfilled life if you pick more than one of these. And yeah, I probably will get canceled. And I know there are people who manage to do all three. But then, I am an average Joe. See point 13 above.

3/ Submit yourself to a guru for 5 years. Think of this as the next education you’re getting after your college. You HAVE to be there for 5 years. And you will come out of the other side without a paper to certify. But you would probably have scars from skirmishes that you would recount with pride when you are old!

PS: I’ve not submitted myself to anyone but if I could, I would.

4/ Work in an events agency for five years. The exposure I got while I was at Gravity remains the most impactful in my life. It was helped by the fact that I was close to the founder (may be find work where you work with the founder), I was often in ambiguous places (build my muscle), unknown territory, and had a very long leash! So, may be not events but find a place that gives you all these things.

5/ Build in public. Something, anything. Even if it’s a doodle a day. Allow serendipity to happen. And while you do that, build your personal brand.

6/ See thing I know #17. Every week.

7/ Make a list of things you want from life. Make a list of things you are willing to give up to get what you want. See thing I know #40.

I guess this is it.
Do read the disclaimers.
Hope you get what you want from life.
May you live long and prosper.

As always, please point flaws in my thinking. Apart from typos ;P

Oh, and please share this with others and help me find more folks that I can work alongside and learn from!

Appendix: Additional things I know

I will keep adding to this list. I like the idea that this page would evolve into things I know. I will also strike out things that are no longer relevant.

27 Sep 2024

It’s ok to have typos. No one cares. I know this piece has many!
Attention to detail is a great skill to have but in case you dont have it, it’s okay.
Excellence is overrated. In fact, this should make it to the list of top 42. But I dont know which one to remove.

28 Sep 2024

Some people read the early draft and a couple of them mentioned that they’d like to read about anecdotes / stories behind each of these things and lessons. Maybe I will write a separate post. But at this time I don’t feel the need to write those.

More as they come.

Thanks to Nikhil, Ahona, Pradeep, Chandni and others for sharing feedback on an early draft. Thanks to Nikhila for the prompt. And Vaishnavi for the writing hour gift!

The last line

I read this fascinating list by Kevin D where he’s talking about his 50 lessons as he turned 50. His 43rd point is, “43. Only take advice from people who embody the traits you want to have. Talk is cheap—emulate those who have DONE it. (Especially important here on X where charlatans run rampant.)”. Emphasis mine.

So, please take this advice with that disclaimer 🙂

I’ve failed.

So I’ve failed.

Lemme elaborate on this clickbaity headline. And this is about C4E – one of my life’s works.

Here’s some context.

I started C4E sometime in 2015 or 2016. Thanks to the generosity of Rajesh Sir at VISCOMM, I got off to a great start. But I couldn’t keep up the momentum. Things went along like you would expect them to at a startup. Just that we weren’t a startup per se – we were more of a regular business.

And then in COVID, I had to sort of pause. And with the help of Parijat and Pooja, C4E took rebirth in 2020. Both Ps continue to be well-wishers and tethered to us. In Poo’s case, she continues to have the option of being the founder alongside me. As I say often, her chappals occupy the highest throne at C4E.

So, with time, I have grown up and my thinking has evolved. And the world around us changed. And I have seen people change. And from wanting to be the richest man in the world, I’ve started to think a lot more about delivering insane impact, while being the richest man in the world. And from wanting to build a well-oiled machinery, I have pivoted to the want of building an org that is more human than anything else.

Human in my book means – empathetic, soft-spoken, polite, fair, “nice” and all that. Plus, at C4E, each human must (in the order I’ve written below)…

have the respect (as a human) of everyone in the ecosystem. We are ok to let go of clients, people, things if we don’t spot respect. And respect goes beyond general niceness and politeness. And respect needs to be earned and not commanded or demanded.
offer this respect to everyone else. And respect is in action (and not in words). And it’s in tiny things. For example, every email unanswered reeks of disrespect. Every time we leave someone on “seen” and not respond, it’s disrespect. Even if they are wrong. Each time we promise we’ll do something and we don’t that’s disrespect. Not showing up 2 minutes before the appointed time is disrespectful. I can go on for hours on this but I am sure you get the gist.
have the freedom of their time to a reasonable extent (if not 100%).
get fair and timely compensation for the time and energy they put in. Please note I am not indexed on competitive, world-class, market rates etc. I am indexed on fair and timely.
have the opportunity to find a balance (of work and play) in their lives. It’s only them who get to decide what is work or what is play. And C4E must enable that. I’d go a layer deeper and say that their work at C4E must give them a sense of identity and pride. In my case, all of it is work. In the case of some of my colleagues, work is not even a part of their identity.
come with the intent to put in honest, hard work that enables them to “earn” money, respect, the freedom of time and the opportunity to find the ~~balance~~ harmony in their lives. We are a smart bunch and we spot when people try to fool us. And we assume that the world out there is smart as well and they can spot when we try to fool them.
have the drive to grow by doing more and the willingness to contribute to the growth of others. If not of the entire world, then of C4E Village. If not that, then at least the colleagues at C4E. If we don’t grow, we are dead.

PS: I am sure there would be more things that I want people at C4E to have, but these come to my mind as I write this. I will continue to update this.

PPS: I know that people don’t have an inherent awareness of many of the above. As the leader of the pack (I still get uncomfortable calling myself a leader), thus, it’s my job to train, educate, upskill, push, nudge, support, and encourage my people to become the best version of themselves.

And yes, even though I want my people to get all the things in the list above, we must acknowledge and know that we are a business at the end of the day. And as a business, we need to make money. And a lot of that hopefully. Money keeps the machinery running well. I need to pay people fairly and on time. I need money to enable a lot of things that we do at C4E. I need money to pay for my Starbucks!

Of course, we owe it to our shareholders (largely Pooja, myself and some others), mentors, clients, villagers, friends and others. In that order.

But we owe the most to our people. More than shareholders or mentors. It’s our people that make us who we are. The very foundation of C4E is people and the list that I shared above is a non-negotiable. I am lucky and grateful that people at C4E have chosen to invest their most important asset in C4E – time!

And if I am unable to offer my people all the things that I’ve listed above, I would consider myself a failure.

And this brings me to the clickbaity headline.

I’ve failed.

No, I will not go into details of why I’ve failed and what was the point of fault that triggered these thoughts. That stuff goes on my echoChamber. What goes here is acknowledgement that I’ve failed to offer the things that I’ve listed above.

In my head, I have failed to the point that while showering ~~today~~ a few days ago, I decided that I would shut the business on 31 Mar 2025. I thought that I would give my team, my clients and everyone a 7-month notice. I thought of scenarios after that and decided that I would do nothing for a while (may be a year) and drift around. May be reset life at the fabled age of 42!

But then I told myself the following…

It’s my raita. It’s my village. And I can’t take the easy way out. I can’t quit till I’ve reached where I want to reach (please don’t ask me what is this ‘where I want to reach’ – I have a fuzzy picture of me floating in gold like Uncle Scrooge would). And, most important, if not me, who? Reminds of this quote I read yesterday…

It says,

“Look at your habits: Are they the product of innumerable little cowardices and lazinesses…or of your courage and inventive reason?”

And poof! All doubt was gone. All the lingering feeling was gone. I had failed. But I shall rise. At least I will try to. And thus, ladies and gents, we continue to march on. And do whatever it takes to bring my house to order.

Watch me.

PS: While editing this, I realised, I could’ve very well titled this post The C4E Manifesto. Or the C4E values. Or even the C4E promise.

27 Aug 2024 – Morning Pages

I’ll start with a Silicon Valley cliche. There are decades when nothing happens and there are weeks where decades happen.

Yesterday was a day when I think decades happened to me. And I probably aged by a decade. Apart from my echoChamber, I want to capture it on a public forum as well.

Here we go.

Oh, before I talk in detail and get into specifics, play this and let it play in the background as you read this.

Eddie – Guaranteed

Ok, now that you have the baritone of Eddie talking about how you ought to live life, I can talk.

I will talk about 5 things.

A/ Feedback from a senior agency person

Met a senior person from the agency business. I told him about my plans to take C4E in the big league and start pitching for projects at the intersection of modern marketing, digital, strategy and others. And compete with the likes of Ogilvy and others.

He snubbed me.

He told me and C that what we do is crap and he has no confidence in us being able to deliver large things.

Which is ok.
May be fair.
But then on deeper introspection, I realised that maybe, just maybe he doesn’t understand what am trying to build. Lemme try to articulate again.

I want to build the world’s largest, richest, most impactful business. I want to play at scale. I want to move humanity and make us thrive, live better and all that. I want the workplace to be respectful, kind, hardworking, aciton-first and more. But…

But…

But I dont want to do this on the back of broken souls. I dont want to tramp over others. I dont want to make it toxic.

Now, when I hear things like, “make 200 calls, get 50 meetings, and convert 10 businesses”, I think, it’s a piece of fabulous advice for folks who want to use people as replaceable objects. But not me. I want to give a safe, kind space to everyone to find their bliss and get paid well while they do that. In such a business, we need people to be self-motivated, high-agency and respectful towards work. After all, for most of us who are not artists, we have to find meaning in what we do.

The thing is, if we are lucky, we’d have something to lean on that fills our soul. Some people find it in art. Some in sports. Some in code. Some like me, in business. Some dont find it at all. And it is in those cases that you have to latch onto something and make it yours.

When I see a younger colleague getting disrespected by saying “without disrespecting your age or experience”, I dont want to run that in the first place. If you have to add a disclaimer before you speak, it’s better to not speak.

When I am told that my work won’t cut it, I want to hear more. But about how I can make it better, not a rant on how it’s bad. I want to be pointed at flaws and not be told that we can’t do it.

So that.

Ok. Over this one. 4 more to go.

B/ I let go of one more person from my life.

I have this friend. Her father says a brilliant thing – he says, “is insaan ka panna faad diya“.

Lemme try and explain. Imagine our life is a notebook. Each person in our life is a page. And you can add as many pages in that notebook (once you meet new people). And then the page can extend to any length (depending on your relationship with them). And like any well-used journal or notepad, it can extend in all directions.

However, once you sort of break your relationship with someone (say, someone moves away from your life, someone does something uncool etc etc) you tear their page from your notebook. And then that’s that. You stop bothering about them. They become a stranger. You operate from a place of indifference. You are kind to the world, you are kind to them. You wish them success but you shall not partake in that. If they need help, you are not proactive. You let them come to you. So on and so forth.

He of course has a far deeper reason and philosophy. What I wrote is mine.

And yesterday, I tore one more page off my book. I wish the individual all the luck. I continue to love but I am no longer invested.

So that.

Oh, before you move forward, you may want to see this tweet.

Today’s things to ponder on while I sleep.

Is it worth investing in people if everyone eventually leaves you alone despite doing more than you can?

And as an entrepreneur, how do you justify the investment in culture when you see shitty cultures winning at businesses et al?
— SG (@saurabh) August 26, 2024

C/ “15 lakh karte ho, 3 gaya, 12 bacha, 4 ek aur hai, 8 bacha. Band kar do“

Last evening, I was talking to a very close friend. The kind whose words mean the world to me.

While talking about something, C4E came up and I told him that I’ve lost a client. He said, “15 lakh karte ho, 3 gaya, 12 bacha, 4 ek aur client hai jo kabhi bhi chala jaaega, 8 bacha. Band kar do“

And it hurt.
Like a bitch.
It was probably meant to hurt.
It didn’t hurt this bad when the love of my life walked out of my life.

I think this made me realise that am probably very emotional about my work and this thing that I’ve created.

I was so fucked in the head that I couldn’t sleep well because of this. Kept thinking, tossing and turning in the bed. But then Whoop tells me I had 53% recovery with about 6 hours of sleep. I know that it was not good at all. Makes me even question the efficacy of a Whoop. And as a professional sleeper, both these things (not being able to sleep well and Whoop being unable to catch my sleep) are not cool.

Coming back.

So, it hurt. And I can either let it continue to hurt me. Or I can fix it. And no points for guessing what I would do. And I need help. Hands and heads. Lend me? And point me to others who I can take help from?

And to start with, I will shut everything that distracts me and I will work hard on taking C4E to an unbreakable place.

D/ Case of online bullying

Someone close to me was bullied online. And since this person was close to me and it was unprovoked bullying, I was angry. As fuck. If the bully were around me when I got to know about it, I would have probably caused hurt.

But am glad the dude lives in Noida.

In a mad rush of blood to my brain, I decided to seek retribution. To be honest, this is not like me. I dont do things like that on impulse. I think and act.

But, I wrote to the CEO of the company he works with (to make the company aware of the kind of people they’ve hired) and the college the bully went to (to check on his records and hopefully get some action). Made a LinkedIn post. Sent DMs. Considered filing a cyber crime case (but the portal was too complicated to have my complaint go thru and I did not try again).

But then I realised, an eye for an eye will make the world blind.

And thanks to Jagdish’s Bruno, I realised that anger is not the place to operate from (but bravery is). And I anyway know that empathy is a good place to be at.

Probably the boy is troubled. So I have decided to let the person go with a stern warning. Hope it fixes him. I will deliver that today. And I will of course close the loop with all the people that I wrote to.

E/ Hurt by someone close

This is the last one from this long rant.

I love a lot of people. To the point that it’s tough to manage egos and all that of all those people. I really go out of the way to make them comfortable, liked, respected, taken care of etc etc. To the best of my ability. Often at the cost of hurting myself. And with little expectation. You know, like Danveer Karna.

I just think there’s so much fuckery in the world. If I could be that island of sanity in their lives, why not?

And despite all these attempts to make someone feel good about life and all, I probably am unable to do enough to keep them engaged and happy.

So that.

Ok am done writing.
Like I said, I aged 10 years in one day.
And I am taking my lessons away.

In the end, so much of what I do, and how I do is about people. And then like life has taught me, EVERYone leaves. See this tweet. It makes me wonder if I were a fool to have taken this path.

I have seen friends, partners, colleagues, and even lovers leave me. And I may not admit it too many times but it sucks to be walking alone and sleep on an empty bed and not having anyone to look after you when you fall. Like I said, I give more than I can and often at great consequence to self. And yet people go. Leave me alone. And I am left wondering where did I go wrong.

Anyhow.

Wait.

Oh, I know there’s their side of the story as well and I know they had reasons for moving on. So I can’t blame them. Just that since everyone moves on en masse, there must be something wrong that am on to. And that’s what I need to discover and find. If you know me, help me. Point out flaws in my thinking.

Chalo, over an out.
From a decade older SG 😀

16 Aug 2024 – Morning Pages

Morning.
I will change this a bit.
I will list things that I want to talk about and then talk about those. Let’s go.

List:

Sleep – Professional Sleeper
Scotland Yard / LIFE
Doing things from AC offices

Now, details.

1/ Sleep

I’ve been trying to lose weight and I understood that a large component of that is sleep and calorie deficit. While I may not be able to do much on the calorie deficit part (I love eating and I do love the taste of processed foods and I hate working out and I dont like dance etc), I can do a lot with my sleep.

In the past I used to think that sleep is for weak and why can’t I not sleep or sleep less (afterall 8 hours is way large a proportion of your day). I have tried with polyphasic sleep, Red Bull etc etc but more I read, more I realise that I need to sleep better if I want a better life.

I’ve been trying a few things in the last month (Keto, IF, consistent bed times, no to travel etc) but I think I will experiment a little more in the next few days. Inspired by this thread by Bryan Johnson, here’s a list of changes I will make.

First, I will shift my identity to that of a professional sleeper. You know, how athletes have an identity as athletes and that means that they need to do whatever it takes to be in their peak?

That!

Other changes I will make include…

Tracker – I already have a Whoop.
Mattress – I think I have a good one. Bought one for a lot of money a few months ago. At some point in time I want to get an 8Sleep or equivalent. Let’s see when.
I like my AC at 22 so that’s cool.
I will add warm showers before bed. Maybe warm showers will be my wind down ritual.
Time – I hereby declare that my sleep time is 10 PM. Unless it is life or death, I will not stay up later than 10. I will not take flights in my sleep window unless there are no other options
Eat all I want to by 12 noon
Last coffee before 12 noon
I dont consume alcohol anyway. So that’s cool.
Red Lamp to help sleep (aka regulating evening light)
Flux. Installed. I dont like it. But installed it nonetheless.
10000 Lux Lamp to get up (aka morning light)
I know I must get Blue light-blocking glasses but I will not get those.
Bedroom will become a sacrosanct space that will only be used for sleep.
My bedroom faces the road and there’s 24-hour traffic. So I can’t really make it a quiet room. I will see if I want to get a noise machine to help matters.

So that.

As of today, per my data on Whoop, my sleep performance is about 64% (the current period is about 72% and I peaked at 75 last month). Let’s see where I am in the next few days.

If you want to get these posts in your email, subscribe here.

2/ Scotland Yard / LIFE

I dont have a lot of memories from the time I was a kid. However, there are times when I see things, I remember things.

PS: As I wrote this, I remember two distinct events – one – I was crying on the terrace of my school after I lost a quiz and second I was crying in the corridor after I forgot the speech I had to make. I dont know why these two come to mind. Mind, afterall, has its way.

Yesterday, I was with a friend and we were at a Hamley’s to shop for her niece. While browsing around, I spotted Scotland Yard and LIFE. I also saw that catch a fish game. All these three are the games that I remember playing as a child. So much so that I was tempted to buy these games and get them back. But I did not. I will come back to it.

The point is, I did not know that I would have such a strong association with these two board games! I could vaguely remember being sad when one of the pegs in the LIFE broke. I remember playing Scotland Yard but not being good with it.

Ok, I dont have much to write about these two. I thought I would have.

Coming to what I had parked, I wanted to buy those games and hoard them at my place but I decided against it. I told myself that I would get those games cos I could never have enough of them while growing up and now they need to have a permanent place in my life. I even picked the box to take to the cash counter. But something came over me and I decided against that.

So I did well there. I dont want to be a hoarder because I did not have things while growing up. I want to use my money and space to have things that make my life better. I do not want to give in to emotional impulses.

3/ Doing things from AC offices

I wrote this in my Roam too.

For work, we were shooting a tiny thing for a client yesterday. And while we were doing that, I realised that I like to sit in an office and work. I dont want to be a part of what happens on the ground. I love the idea of making films but I am not willing to be on the set. I love the idea of running events but I dont want to see the setups or dismantles. I love the idea of running a restaurant but I dont want to see the kitchen. You get the drift.

Why?

Well cos on the ground, things take forever and that’s not cool!

Plus, yesterday was a tiring day. The previous night I hadn’t slept. I ate a lot. Keto went for a toss. Calorie deficit went for a talk. Was in the sun a lot. Travelled a lot. Took the train as well. And realised that age is catching up. Fast. Unless I do something about it. Something like better sleep!

So, two plus two, I like the idea of AC offices.

And with that, we are to the end of this post. Let’s see when I write next.

9 Aug 2024 – Morning Pages

A lot has happened since I last wrote these morning pages.

And thus, I think have a lot to talk about.

Let’s see how much of this lot converts into text once I start typing. It’s 9 AM and I have time till 10.

1/ Event at Goa

I managed an event in Goa over the last few days.

Each time I do an event, I realise how much I love this business of events. It offers everything I seek – people, money, instant gratification, showmanship, dopamine rush, adrenaline rush, travel, living in the moment, sprint (not marathon) and more.

I wish I could do more of these. In fact, each time I do an event, I wonder why I dont do more of those.

Sigh!

2/ Apatradaanam

I met someone over the weekend in Goa and he talked about Apaatradanam. Read it as a-paatra-daanam.

Handwriting of Shreya.

Loosely translated, this means, “charity directed at people that don’t deserve”.

Now, if you know me, you would know of my ideas of paying it forward. And that too without any expectation of returns or payback. And I’ve done this even when I was unable to even run my home.

Lately, however, I’ve started to think a lot about how I want to spend my time and energy. And this concept of Apaatradanam makes a lot of sense. I’d love to support folks that are deserving!

Now, this deserving is a subjective thing. And the only judge / jury of the deservingness of these people is, well, me. And I dont think this is fair. I will eventually find a way to make it fair. Any ideas anyone?

Oh, and I hereby declare that I will not give to places, folks, causes and other things that dont deserve. If you see me giving to those, please point out and stop me.

PS: In case you’d like to subscribe to this blog 🙂

3/ Amex Plat Charge

The want for this card has been as high as the want for Birkins. And since I was a kid. I’ve looked at it wistfully each time I see someone else sporting it. Each time I passed by an Amex lounge, I longed for it. I knew that at 60K a year, this was probably the most expensive thing I could get. I know if I ever get it, it would be vanity and nothing else. I would laugh at people who have this card (and other such signs of vanity).

And yet, I got it!

This is one of the most foolish decisions I’ve made in my entire life. And I am ok with it. The happiness lasted all of 1 microsecond (when I held it for the first time) and since then, I’ve started to sort of hate it? I mean not hate it but I have this buyer’s remorse.

But then, I was reminded of these lines about shauq. And this is a rare thing I’ve done for shauq.

Also, while I was thinking about this, I was reminded of all the bucket lists, wish lists and all those that I had made when I was younger.

I think I need to bring those back. Meanwhile, here is one for your viewing pleasure 😀

Ofc, there are times when I think that at my age, I should be thinking of pooja-paathh and not finding outlets for my shauqs. But then, am human :D. Oh and in case you want a card for yourself, use this link 😀

4/ C4E and Friends

PS: I wrote this bit with the help of Flow.
PPS: Published a slightly edited version of this on LinkedIn. Read at https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7227556269274914817/

I am a very, very big believer in expanding my network. And I do that by building a lot of loose connections. And with those loose connections, I hope that at some point in time, those connections actually become a little more warm and a little more close. And then those warm and close connections help me get work for me and my team. Essentially, I try to be present everywhere on the internet. To the point that I once asked an intern to put me on various WhatsApp groups. I am digressing.

Coming back.

The other I was thinking, what if I create a group called C4E and friends and add people who are well-wishers of C4E there?

These “friends” are people that give me work. These are the people that give me ideas. These are the people that show me the path when I’m lost. And these are the people that I can hang out with when I have no one else to. Think village, but a larger one.

What if I can build a community of people who are supporting C4E in its mission of being a world-changing org? And like with most things, I started by making a WhatsApp group (and not by booking a domain this time around).

I have floated the idea and the group link around in the last few days. I’ve had mixed response. Not many like the idea. In fact, not a lot of folks from my own village like it. And no, I have not yet opened it up. But the more I think about it, the more I am warming to the idea of doing it. Maybe I will action it today.

Eventually, the idea is to make this group a safe space where everybody will be connected to each other. There’ll be a directory that would have details on work, city, interests etc. Think of a professional networking opportunity, brought to you by C4E. On this group, each person would propel each other up.

So that!

What do you think?

Would you join?

5/ Accountability and Responsibility

The other day I read something about accountability and responsibility and I realised that I am accountable at best (and not responsible) and in case I need to get ahead in life, I need to be responsible!

Here’s the original piece…

I am not sure of the source. In case you find it, please lemme know.

The thing is, I need to work hard to be responsible!

So this is it.
For the day.
Let’s see when I write next.

21 Jul 2024 – Morning Pages

I am back with some braindump. Let’s start.

1/ Work. C4E.

At work, at C4E, we are at an interesting juncture.

We run a stable business and yet we are one mistake away from ruin. From my vantage point, I dont know what to do to fix it. There. I admitted.

The thing is, we run C4E in a unique manner and the world we live in is not designed to allow us to thrive. Of course, we would jostle around and find our spot but till that time, we remain perched precariously on the edge of a mountain and we are one slip away from ruin.

As the chieftain of the village, my only job is to ensure that while we continue to find sharper peaks to scale, we don’t slip down the abyss. And I am sort of out of ideas on how to prevent this ruin.

One of the things that I am thinking about is to push everyone at C4E to put in deliberate effort into building our respective personal brands on the internet.

And this means consistent, deliberate effort to create and share content (in any format of any length). And while that happens, we need to be a part of a community larger than self (or become part of one) and build networks – loose or tight.

Some of us may not know what we stand for (I stand for way too many things and I need to find a smaller list) but that does not mean we dont create, ship, or network.

It is this basic, boring, drudge-full work done over and over again with discipline and consistency that would make us successful. As individuals, as a group and as C4E.

So that.

And to get us going on the treadmill of discipline, I need to probably lead the way. And knowing myself, I suck at it! So that’s some work for me.

The other thing that we can do, while we work as an agency, is to build a content destination that people are willing to pay for (aka subscribe to).

I have tried that in the past with TRS. I’ve even tried podcasts with Podium. But I was not successful with either. I’ve not given up and I continue to think of media businesses. And I take heart from publications like Goya, Alipore Post, Homegrown, and others; and content companies like Humans Of Cinema, Chalchitra and others that seem to be seeing the impact of compounding.

So, could that be a thing that we can build? And yeah, I know it’s 100X tougher to build content destinations unless you have a great Instagram game. Or you have famous people at the helm.

Come to think of it, I’ve had the right ideas at the right time. Just that I haven’t been able to push myself to deliver on those. I need to work on my delivery muscle if I have to make that dent. Or may those billions.

Ok, moving on. This is more like an internal memo.

2/ From RD to Harpreet and to CSS

A few nights ago, I saw a session where a passionate RD Burman fan took a crowd of 50 through Pancham’s biography. Loved it. More than the music and the passion for Pancham, I loved the stories. After all, it’s with the stories you attach meaning.

The more eye-opening was bumping into Gurpal Singh – an actor that I had seen a lot while I was growing up. The RD session was curated by Gurpal Sir. The day after the RD session, I attended a live performance by Harpreet.

Again, the session was arranged by Gurpal Ji.

Both pics were clicked by me, just that the second one had better lighting.

So, the hero of this is neither RD, Sangoi Sir or Harpreet. But Gurpal Ji.

He’s made the effort to create these mehfils and bring people together.

There’s something rustic, something earthy, something homelike in the way he organises these sessions. There’s friends helping each other. There’s no ego. There’s this chai, that someone quipped “as meetha as Gurpaj Ji”.

Then there’s these Kachoris that are bought from some local store and yet taste like no other Kachori I’ve ever had. Mind you, I am from Delhi and I’ve had a million Kachoris from thousands of places. Damn, I want a Kachori now but I can’t – am on 6th day of my Keto.

The point is, Gurpal Ji has shown me the light. And I am inspired to do more things that bring people together.

Truth be told, I did start a series of such sessions with CSS but it has fizzled out after 4 sessions.

On one side, I am sad about it and on the other, I am content that we tried. Also, these 4 sessions did teach me a lot of lessons. I think the model is there. I just need a DRI, some budget and a person to run it full-time. If you are a young college student and do this with me, please write in. Here’s a JD of sorts.

3/ Longevity

It’s no secret that I think a lot about frailty, unpredictability, irrationality and shortness of human life, lifespan and healthspan. Especially in light of my middle age and perpetual struggle with my inability to do great things.

So, I read a lot about longevity. And I found this chart on Twitter that talks about things that impact your life and satisfaction

Among other things, interaction with other people seems to be the top cause of high and low satisfaction. This is probably cherrypicked a piece of evidence to support my belief that we need communities and villages to thrive. The kinds I am trying to build.

In fact, if you look at 1 and 2 above, you’ll notice that both those hint at strong community pieces.

So that.

So this is it. For the day. Let’s see if I can build a daily writing muscle. Wish me luck!

8 Jul 2024 – Morning Pages

TW: Death

I dont know what to write today.

But thankfully, I was reading a book yesterday and somewhere in it, it asked, “what would I stop doing if I got to know that I had 6 months to live?”

This is my post to answer that. Let’s go!

So if I had 6 months to live, I would do the following

0/ Fix my will.
I have a vague draft here. I will fix it if I could.

1/ Spend time with my parents
In terms of family, I only have my parents, my sis and a little bit of VGs. I haven’t been a good son per se and I would like to live with my parents. Just that I wouldn’t want them to see me wither away.

I think my sis is ok.

VG’s fam is a self-contained unit and I am merely imposing on them. So I will stay away. I will maybe meet them once and give the kids a happy memory to have with them, in case.

2/ I will pay back all the loans that I owe
Today I have a lot of loans on my head. I would find a way to pay that loan back. I dont know how would I make so much in 6 months. I will try and sell my organs? I dont even know where I can go to sell those. Lemme try!

In case I am unable to, I will ask VG to manage that loan for me. Maybe Poo. Not sure if either would take it upon them but I can try. If they dont, I would write an apology letter to my creditors and request them to not bug my parents.

I think that’s all I can do.

3/ I dont want to be remembered.

I dont think I have done anything interesting or large. And thus I will burn all my documents, photos etc. I would delete all my social media presence. I would wipe my drives, computers etc.

I dont know how to do this exactly but I will find out.

I would delete all of my public work – blogs (including this one), books, films etc etc. I would take my name off the films that I’ve been a part of. I would let tnks get lost in oblivion – it already is in oblivion. I would request all the YT videos to be deleted (from others that host me).

I think this is it.

I would’ve loved to have climbed Mt Everest, experienced how it is to be a billionaire, what it feels like to date a supermodel, what it feels to have lived in abject poverty, what having your own child feels like etc etc.

But as I write this, on the 8th of July, I am ok with none of these under my belt. Guess I am almost a stoic.

So that.

—

Chalo moving on. Let’s start the day. Oh, from today on, am going on my strictest diet regimen. I will only eat the dabba I have access to. I have deleted the food ordering app from my phone.

I do have some travel coming up (including an overnight stay for three nights in the hills), despite my not wanting to take it up. So it would be interesting. I will buy a lot of chewing gum and a lot of almonds to get by.

Over and out.

More tomorrow.

7 Jul 2024 – Morning Pages

Wrote this on the 6th Jul. Publishing it now.

Its 6 AM. I have about 30 minutes before I leave for a meeting. And here are the things that I want to write / talk about.

1/ Last few days have not been the best for my head. Money, health, relationships. Let’s just say a lot is on my mind. No, I dont need help, yet. If I do, I shall take proactive measures. I think if I fix my food, a large part of my issues would be fixed.

1.1/ On the food, I think I will try to eat mindfully from today on. This is my perpetual struggle. I dont know why I want to eat it all. I was talking to someone about it and I realised that my insecurity from the times I have been jobless are so deep-seated in my subconscious that I want to eat it all.

2/ I missed the walk yesterday despite publicly committing to it. I could’ve but I dont know what came over me and I did not. I had the time. I had the inclination. I even made a public commitment.

3/ 5 days without coffee. If I can manage today, it would be the 6th day. Lets see how it goes.

4/ I am carrying only the iPad and a book as I step out today. So that’s cool. Let’s see how it goes. I am increasingly trying to go without a laptop. An iPad is a poor compromise for not having a laptop – it’s like a phone and very ineffective. But I am willing to experiment.

5/ I can feel my age now. I can’t stay alert post 9 PM. I find it tough to wake up. I am not alert at times. Yesterday I noticed in at least 3 calls that I was unable to talk well.

6/ Track of the day is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pHFJELNKZk. I really want to discover new music.

7/ I’ve been trying to write a letter to a friend for more than a week now and I can’t seem to find inspiration. I plan to work on it today before my 915 meeting.

8/ I want to get back to a standing desk routine. I have discovered that I can use a makeshift setup at home and use it. I am writing the second part of this letter from this jugaad standing desk. And I can see myself doing more of this.

9/ 730. I am now at a Starbucks. The chairs here are sucky. I think I will walk a kilometer to go to a Starbucks that has better chairs. I can’t sit here for 3 hours as I wait for a friend to arrive. The only good part is that am not carrying my laptop. So that.

10/ 7:48. I am at the other, smaller Starbucks where the chairs are nice.

11/ I had a chat with my folks while I was on the way here. It sucks that they continue to ask me tough questions about money even at this age. I don’t know when would I reach a point where money would stop being a bother. I know I am not prudent with money and I must be. And I will find a way to do so. But at this time, today, my folks are not happy about my money situation and it sucks.

12/ I think that I am unable to make people around me understand how I operate and how I think. I mean I don’t know how to explain to my friends why do I want to organise even lunches with friends on a Saturday. And then at the same time, I take off for 4 days without explanation to people that I hardly know. I am unable to talk about how I am probably not suited for fancy places and I find myself at home at mid places. This concept of mid-places is also a tad unclear to explain. In my head, I know what a mid-place is. If you are reading this, you know me and you don’t know what a middle place for me is, well 😀

13/ At #CSS04, one of the attendees told me that I need to stop with the self-deprecating humour. Yesterday I was talking to a young coder and she told me the same. Two very different people who’ve met me in very different contexts have told me the same thing. And I don’t think the two of them even talk to each other.

Of course, I know that I revel in playing down myself but I didn’t know that it was not serving me. Now I know. I will thus make a conscious effort toward it. I am not sure if there’s a specific way to do this. But I will. May be next time you see me play down, please point it out to me and I will correct myself.

These playing down things could be one or more of these – “I may not know it all”, “I could be wrong”, “i don’t have a lot” etc etc.

14/ Do you think getting the subscription to YT Premium worth it? I think it’s 200 bucks a month and I lot more than that right now (I can think of three – 650 for Google One, 650 odd for Netflix, 650 for Apple Storage – and I am sure there are more).

15/ This working on iPad is not cool. I am unable to get in the flow. Even though there are no distractions (multi-tasking sucks on iPad), I can’t think straight. May be this needs getting used to? I don’t know. I will give this a few more days before I quit. Let’s see.

All things above this, I wrote on 6 Jul. Now, we are at 7 Jul. Here’s the notes in continuation.

16/ I slept for 8 hours yesterday. But my recovery is still 50%. I need to journal more religiously to understand why it’s that bad. One large component would be food. That I am fixing from today on.

I slept 8 hours on the 6th night as well but the recovery is still less than 50%. I think its the diet that I need to now work on. Let’s see.

17/ Deleting all the food ordering apps from my phone. Let’s see how we survive.

18/ I am writing this from a Blue Tokai (and not a Starbucks). BT opens at 7, SBux at 8. This one hour is important.

The only problem is that at BT, the charging ports are less (and my laptop needs to be charged (old you see)), the wifi is poor (and the mobile network is also not the best). So it is not the most optimal place to work out from. Let’s see.

I wish there was a 24/7 cafe around my house. I would have loved to work from there. I can go to the airport but it’s too far from where I live. May be on some days I will go there and work the entire day.

Let’s see what I end up doing.

So, that’s about it for the day (and yesterday).

Over and out.

3 Jul 2024 – Morning Pages

Here’s an attempt to get back to morning pages. Read, point gaps in my thinking and lemme know what I can do better.

I am back with Morning Pages. Let’s go.

I don’t know why I ordered this book. But I did. I normally don’t read a lot. But I read some pages of this book. I tend to like business books – this is anything but that and I spotted myself refusing to put the book down.

One of the things that the book talks about is that the author’s father would be up at 530 and writing for 2 hours every day. And then he would go about his day. This is similar to the advice by Julia Cameron. And this is what Anjum Sir talks as well. Riyaz.

And I must. And I will. And why writing and why not my single largest goal? Well, because most of my work needs to move people, shift opinions, and persuade and if I am good with my words, it would become easier. Plus at this time, writing would help me get some clarity on my thoughts and open doors. Once I know what I am going to work on, I will follow Mochary’s advice on spending the first two hours of the day on key tasks.

Coming back to this habit of writing every day. There was a time when I wrote every day in the morning. After a while, I didn’t know what to write about.

Now I think I can write about work – after all that’s my biggest thing at this point. No, I will not send emails. I will not make presentations. I will write them and then shoot them out after the first 2 hours are over. I know I will get distracted when I write. And I will thus lean on the iPad to write. I am writing this on the iPad. On Google Docs. I don’t know if I will publish this. But I am writing here because I can’t open multiple tabs. I am writing here because I am not giving in to my habits of checking news, scrolling Twitter timelines, responding to emails etc. It’s 645 and I plan to do this till 730 today. I will try to wake up at 5 tomorrow and then write for 90 mins. I don’t know what I would write about, may be I will make a list and get into the habit.

Ok, lemme talk about the habit I want to build. And the habits I want to break.

Lemme give you a gist of my day.

I wake up without an alarm on most days – typically between 6 and 630. I put on some music. Am listening to a rock music playlist today on my laptop (I picked the mouse to copy and paste the link – but no – no other devices shall be touched). I open my mailbox and reply to things that I think are important. On some days I open my trackers and fill those in. Some days I will open Asana. And then I would open WhatsApp – that’s where all of my work happens. I will reply to any conversations that need my attention, I would give yes or no to things and I would pick up whatever comes to my mind at that time.

Typically things that come to mind are typical tasks that need attention at work.

Here, I want to change my wake-up time to 5 AM. And then write for 90 minutes and then get some sort of yoga / workout in. Maybe I will join Cult – I will check this out today. I will also get myself a Keto meal subscription. Expensive but I will get it.

I then putter around the house, get ready and leave for Starbucks between 745 and 815 – depending on when I had woken up.

Once at Starbucks, I’d get myself any black coffee and do more “work”.

To be honest, I don’t work anymore. The team at C4E manages most work. I only pretend. But I want to change this too. I will start putting in the work for the following things…

SoG Network
Networking
Design capability
International Expansion
Distribution
Startup idea

While the focus is these six things, these could take the shape of emails, writing posts for LinkedIn, or connecting with folks. Let see.

May be I will edit these morning pages and put them on the blog (doing it as we speak) – after all an iPad can only do limited things. Maybe I will fill these trackers? Or maybe I will find someone else to do this and put it on WordPress and make a LinkedIn post of highlights and a thread for X – I think I will outsource this – do you know any kid who can do this for me a tiny sum? Lemme put a call out and see where this goes.

I am trying to avoid coffee – haven’t had it for two days. Let’s see how long this lasts. Also, since I need to order something when am there, I have started to buy sparkling water. And that means I will have a lot of glass bottles around. And I will start putting flowers in those.

Then around 12, I get bored of Starbucks and I want to go somewhere else. I either go back home (I have started to call this house home) or The Clubhouse. I order myself lunch / snack. I eat and I sleep. I really want to change this. Actually no. I will not change this. I will read if these naps are a good idea – if they are, I’ll continue. If they are not, I will quit. If naps are not good, I will stack meetings around lunch.

I put an alarm if I have important calls. In case I don’t, I leave the house and step out. I don’t have a specific destination in mind. Starbucks mostly. Some days, Infiniti Mall. Some days Blue Tokai, some days Jamjar, some days Clubhouse. Somedays random new place. I need to break this habit and find a place to go to – may be a coworking place. Maybe Clubhouse. Maybe work from home – I do have a table that I can work on. So, I don’t know. But I need to get out of this habit of whiling time. Maybe I will stack all my calls in this time. I can mould my team and most clients to accept that calls can only be done post-12.

Post that I try and go to the beach. I want to add a habit of taking a picture each day and putting it on Instagram. Oh, I will remove Instagram from my phone and put it on the alt phone that I will not carry with me.

And then I come back home and as a matter of habit order some kachra (I am deleting Swiggy also from my phone) and then eat it while I play chess (which I recently deleted) and watch reruns of FIR (I will quit this too). And then I while some time on Instagram and then sleep. I want to add some meditation before I sleep. My life goal is to have more meditation minutes than AK.

Most days I sleep after 10:30. I want to sleep around (if I have to get up at 5). To be honest, I have it all that allows me to do so. Most times I can control my work. Most times I can push dinners to 730. And I must.

I think if I can run this routine for a month, we should be ok. I don’t have any travel plans for the rest of the month. I need to be in Delhi for a meeting but that is towards the end of the month. So all is well there. If I can get a routine going for even 25 days, starting today, we would be ok.

So that.

Lets see where this goes.

Wish me luck.

PS: Here are some gaps.

I haven’t allocated time for thinking (deep thinking) here.
I am not sure if I will follow this routine. If I can do this from today till the Delhi trip, I think I would be ok. Let’s see.
Original note here that I have edited.

C4E Review – H1 2024

H1 2024 report for C4E and the business.

Hi!
6 months of 2024 are over.
And that means it’s time for a review.
Let’s go.

Also, for context, here are a couple of posts that I would use as reference points – C4E 2023-24 Annual Shareholder Report and my #in2024 letter.

I will break this report into sections. These are…

What is working well for us?
What is not working well? What are our challenges?
What is the plan for the rest of the year?
Some personal updates
Parting notes

Come join me for a ride.

Wait. Before we get started, here’s a postcard for you 🙂

This is from the most recent CSS (#CSS4) that happened on the 29th of June.

1/ What is working well for us at C4E?

This is my second favourite part (wait a bit for the favourite part).

So here are the things that are working well for us.

A/ We refuse to die.
To me, this is the biggest and the best thing ever. We’ve got our ups and downs but I believe that are not dying anytime soon. In fact, we are larger and hopefully stronger than ever.

B/ People seem to be happy
Most people at C4E seem to be happy.

Of course, I could be wrong since I dont get to talk to most folks on a day-to-day basis. And when I talk to clients, most clients seem to be happy with how our people conduct themselves. So the first pillar of C4E – People – is in place. They are happy. That translates into them putting in the effort for clients. Clients see that. And they shower praises. And then its a loop. So alls well.

But then I do see a challenge in making my people participate in non-work activities (such as Growth Sessions, thinking for the org, expanding our services). Apart from a few enthu cutlets, org-wide we are not really on a treadmill per se.

And in spite of that, I can safely say that my vision for the village seems to be coming to life. So that’s a BIG win.

C/ Clients
We retained our clients (though not at the money that I would have wanted to earn). We acquired new clients. And we let go of clients where money-mazaa-effort equation did not add up.

On this, allow me to elaborate. We are ok to ask for less if we have a lot of fun with work. We are however not willing to work with clients where we get paid less, we dont have fun and work is demanding beyond reason. While we are in a buyer’s market where clients get to dictate things, we continue to hold our heads high and only work on things where either we make money or we have a lot of fun. Or in rare cases, we get the benefit of the brand.

D/ Processes
As with any small business, the first chasm to cross is when you put in processes. We have started to!

While a lot of these are still not documented, we are much more structured now compared to when we started. The next step is to document these processes.

E/ Succession. Lol.
I am trying to not run C4E on a day-to-day basis. And I am almost there. The year-end review of C4E will come from the desk of Chandni. Hopefully 😀

F/ Cut losses
In the last 6 months, I’ve got out of two of my favourite projects – TRS and Podium. And the decision did not come easy. It was like letting go of a limb. Two in this case. But then I had to do it.

Of course, I continue to believe in the potential of both of these projects and I really wish I could manage them better. One ran for over 6 years. The other was for almost 4 years. I was unable to take either to profitability. More than that, in both cases, we couldn’t make decisions that would have taken us towards profitability.

I’ve learnt very very expensive lessons from both. Expensive in terms of time, money and mindspace. I will try to not repeat those as I seed DD (the only other for-profit idea that I am working actively on apart from C4E) and help Prak with PPP.

The point is, going forward, I will cut losses fast.

G/ Planted new 💣💣💣!
This means, we bought new domain names. We are now proud owners of VersovaIsHome, Decoding Duryodhan and a few more. What would each do, I am not so sure at this time. But kuch to hoga.

2/ What is not working well? What did I miss?

This is my most favourite part. Also, all misses are mine and not of the team.

A/ We remain a company that can’t pay well.
I really really want to fix this. I want to be able to pay top dollar to everyone.

B/ Cash flow is a challenge.
This has more to do with me, to be honest than anything else. I tend to bleed with experiments that don’t need our time or energy. I am investing in things that we do not need to at this time (see 1G above). I am not prudent with money at all.

And some clients have delayed our payments for structural reasons at their end (and at our scale, it is tough to sort of keep a float). I would never not pay our people because clients did not pay. So, I need to borrow. At this point, I now have more debt on me than I had at the lowest point of COVID.

So, I need to work on this. And I will do so over the next 6 months.

C/ Brand.
Our brand remains a challenge. We are still not as well known as we’d like to be. Leave the well part. We are not even known. We are far far away from the big leagues. We are unable to price our services the way we’d like to. We are unable to attract talent that seeks higher compensation.

A few months ago I decided that I would run this myself. However, I have failed at this. I will push this going forward.

C.1/ C4E Website / Creds
Our website is terrible.
Our creds are nice but I am not sure they are relevant in this day or age.

I need to work on this. We’ve made a brief but we haven’t been able to put things in motion.

However, I will push on this.

D/ No action on expansion
When we started the year I had promised that we would open up in a different geography. So far, we haven’t done anything to do that. We are very much in India. Concentrated in Mumbai.

Over the next 6 months, I will take one more shot at building our presence outside India. And I will try and sell something online. Wish me luck.

E/ One loss away from ruin
We continue to be one loss away from ruin.

We are very very leveraged as a business – we make money, we pay a randomly large chunk of that to people who work on projects (leaving C4E as an org with little and thus no savings), we move on. We don’t have a treasury per se. At some point in time, we will have to get that going.

If we lose a client, the ability to pay money to that team goes for a toss. Now that team is supporting other teams. And that goes for a toss as well. The entire business model crumbles like a House of Cards.

I need to ensure that we are not this fragile. Truth be told, I dont know how to do this. Any help?

3/ The plan for the rest of the year

So for the rest of the 6 months, need to work on a few things (as listed above). Apart from those, some others are…

A. “Corporate” Initiatives
It sounds funny to call C4E a corporate.

These include…

Putting in place a board of directors (would you like to nominate someone?)
Amping up our brand (means a new website, a new creds deck etc)
Acquiring new clients (see 2E)

Am sure there are more but these are the top of my head at this time.

B. One more attempt at new geography or a new business
Same as 3D. I will take one more shot at building our presence outside India. And I will try and sell something online.

So that.

4/ Personal updates

Not too much to report here (I dont think I am in the mindspace to talk about this). But here’s a list.

Health is on a fast car without brakes hurling down the steepest hill you can imagine.
On a personal level, I am probably at the lowest point – nothing exciting. I haven’t even been talking to my parents / sibling / friends etc. All I do is think of work and then nothing.

Nothing apart from that on the personal front.

5/ Ending notes

As I reflect on how things have been at C4E in the last 6 months, the biggest takeaway is that the Village seems to be coming to a reality. If I had my way I would find a physical space – in Bombay or Goa or Dubai or anywhere and then build another iteration of village there.

Second, I am no longer the face of C4E and it’s now split between AK, C, Prak and others.

Third, you will notice that I haven’t talked about numbers at all. And that’s by design. We will never chase a numbers target as long as I have a say here at C4E.

Third Point One. I have also not talked about awards we won (we won none), accolades we got (many), business impact we made (we dont track – we may have to change this) or any other things that typically make the highlight of such reports. The reason is my aversion to these vanity conversations. To me, the most important thing is day to day contentment and happiness of people that have chosen to call C4E home. And there’s no way I can measure that.

Four. I would have liked to capture some lessons from the last few months. Again, I am not sure how to quantify that. So I will leave it at that.

This is it!

If you’ve read this till here, please do let me know what you think and what I can improve upon.

Over to you!

PS: I am glad I could write this. The report helps me take stock of where I am. Where C4E is. And how far are we from where we want to be and how am doing as part of the village.

PPS: Thanks to Pradeep and Prakruti for the edits.