Category: Blog

What Do I Do?

One of the most common questions I get asked is, what the heck do you do.

I find it tough to explain and here’s an attempt to do so.

PS: This is as of 25 Nov 2024. Any may change as early as tomorrow.

For context, I am a regular Indian 42-year-old male who’s privileged, opinionated, secretly introverted, loudly private (and yet building in public), non-techie tech-bro hoping to make a ding in the universe.

And I am a very self-aware man; especially of my privilege.

Currently, I work on four things.

  1. The C4E Collective
  2. C4E Labs
  3. A startup in the elder-tech / age-tech space
  4. SoG

Apart from this, I have a million personal projects on the side.
100 likes to this and I will make a list 😀

Lemme deep dive into each.

1/ C4E

I started this 10+ years ago and we’ve gone thru various iterations and shapes.

In the current version, along with a hand-picked team of great people, am working to make C4E a leading marketing, branding, and communication services agency. In the words of my co-founder Pooja, we want to “help build brands that become verbs.”

We are small by design, selective with who we work with and on the premium end of the mass-market agencies.

We rarely hire someone to work with us on a full-time basis. We work with collaborators and believe in being transparent with how we work – both with our clients and with our collaborators. We love to sleep well at night. See this 😀

PS: This iteration of C4E happened because I was lucky to have Pooja next to me when I was building this. Along the way came friends and we are what we are INSPITE of me 😀

PPS: Sometime this year, I passed the C4E baton to Chandni Menda. She started as an intern. Now she’s the one driving it.

In terms of work, we do the following…

A/ Brand Strategy and Management.

We work with large companies and startups to manage their brands. This includes creating / fixing / rebuilding brand identity (and thus brand books), nomenclature (naming your business), brand assets, packaging design, website design and all that.

Our most visible work is what we did for GFF.

There are many many more pieces but I don’t like to tote them around. I know I should be advertising more but I don’t like the idea at the fundamental level. I rather want to be recommended by my clients.

Oh, we have recently started to see that our work spills over into business and product strategy as well. For at least three startups in the health-tech space, our work has straddled between brand, business and product strategy. In one of the startups, we even were part of the team that contributed to the pivot to a new business altogether. And they did raise substantial money post that. No, can’t reveal names 😀

B/ Content. Everything around is content and we <3 it!

We do content for all screens, all formats, sizes, and all occasions.

From a WhatsApp update to emailer to podcasts to TVCs to everything in between. A large piece of work we did was for Incredible India when they were revamping their website. We’ve made ad films (as a production house) and we’ve created I don’t know how many assets for one of the largest insurance companies in the country. There’s lot more that I can talk about – we’ve been at it for 10+ years now. But, no I don’t want to.

C/ Creative Services.

Anything that you still don’t consider content. Think print ads, hoardings, event collaterals and all that.

D/ Social Media Marketing.

Of course. The bread and butter. We manage this for a large healthcare giant and for Mumbai’s favorite bakery chain and for THE largest player in a segment of the construction industry and for a couple of businesses in Africa and Dubai and many many more. This gives us the stability we need for all the experiments that I keep doing!

E/ Misc.

We started as an events company and we’ve done events in some 30 countries for gatherings as intimate as 5 people and as large as 15000. We no longer pitch for this but in case someone asks for it, we are very very happy. Once an event manager, always an event manager.

In terms of play, we keep cooking and supporting numerous ideas.

More than ideas, we give our shoulder to people. Some of these in the past have been TRS, PPP, Podium / Founder Thesis, DD. We run a Grant. I am sure there will be more such things. But from now on, the decision is Chandni’s. And not mine.

We also create opportunities for friends and family to hang out and meet each other. One such example is CSS. See here.

2/ C4E Labs

I am building this with Krishna and KP into a venture studio of sorts and we are creating information products, micro-SAAS tools, and other such experimental things.

The ambition is to get free.
More on this freedom some other day.

3/ ElderTech Startup

Along with a mentor, am working on a startup to solve for challenges that our elders face. Early days but we’ve raised a tiny round from FnF. Heads down working behind the scenes right now. More on this in few weeks.

PS: If this space excites you, I would love to talk!

4/ SoG

This is my life’s work.

The idea is to become a finishing school for young people. To become the shoulder that they can stand on top and see afar. To enable their daring, audacious, stupid, unrealistic goals.

To do so,
I want to work closely with them.
And learn from them.
And show them my mistakes.
And give them launchpads.
Ofc, I need to be worthy enough to earn their patronage.
If I had all the money in the world, I would just do this.
And play poker.

So far (over the last ~8 years), I’ve spent time with ~50 people, from the ages of 13 to 22. And it’s been one of the most rewarding, enriching, humbling learning experiences ever.

At some point in time, I also want to become a talent scout. But that’s for a different day. Right now, I want to talk about all the things I spend my time on right now.

PS: A lot of this has been inspired by Theil and lately by Samwal.

So that was that.

To summarise, currently, I work on four things.

  1. The C4E Collective
  2. C4E Labs
  3. A startup in the elder-tech / age-tech space
  4. SoG

And numerous side projects.
I will make a similar list of side projects at some point.

Oh, while I work on all these things, I am indexed highly on freedom, movement, people, long-term thinking and culture. I have a long list of values that I hold dear. Some of those are in the attached image.

And while I do all this, I want to make a lot of money. No, money for me is not the end that I chase. Rather, it’s my ticket to do what I want to do.

I take a lot of inspiration from poems and all.

For example…

लगाकर आग शहर को,
बादशाह ने ये कहा
उठा है दिल में आज
तमाशे का शौक़ बहुत
झुकाके सर
शाहपरस्त सब बोल उठे
हुज़ूर का शौक सलामत रहे
शहर हैं और बहुत

Another example…

साईं इतना दीजिए, जामे कुटुंब समाए
मैं भी भूखा न रहूं, साधु न भूखा जाए

PS: Much to the disdain of a lot of friends, I am inspired by the likes of PG, Steve, Elon and other such loud, obnoxious tech-bros. I believe in separating the art and the artist. I also like NRN’s 70-hour thing. No, this is not ragebait.

I mean it.

So that!

PPS: Credits for this post…

“Khada hoon, kahin bhaga nahi hoon”

It’s no secret that I am a fan of Nath Saab. 

For the uninitiated, he’s a friend’s father. He’s lived a very interesting, full life and has seen ups and downs and more. While I met him just a couple of times, that too, in passing, I consider him like a guru who’s taught me from afar. He’s the Drona to the Eklavya in me. I’ve heard numerous stories from my friend, her husband, and her relatives. There are hardly any interactions with the friend when a Nath Saab story doesn’t pop up. 

The other day I met her for something and I was talking about my challenges with managing working capital at C4E. She mentioned Nath Saab and of course a story from him. 

I will spare the details but in broad strokes, the story goes as follows…

Nath Saab once fell on hard times. He had to take some business loans – from individuals and institutions, and he was unable to pay them back in time. When he knew he wouldn’t be able to pay, he went to the creditors and told them, “Main khada hoon, kahin nahi ja raha. Aaj nahi hai. Jis din honge, wapas doonga.”

And he did. 

Found himself a job, earned, saved and paid every penny back, bit by bit.

This translates into, I am not running away. I dont have the money right now and the day I get it, I will pay you back. 

Now, this seems like an inconsequential statement. But to me, this amplified Nath Saab’s reputation even more. He went many notches higher. And gave me one of the greatest life lessons ever.

That we are nothing but our reputation. 

And different people have different ways to build, grow and sustain reputations. 

For Nath Saab, it was his zubaan.
Similar to what Rajesh Sir taught me.
Something that I am developing as I get older.

To me, this means I want to respect other people’s time and do what I say I will do. I will also bring my passionate, energetic, best self to every conversation I am invited to. I will add yathashakti value to every interaction I am a part of. I will want to ensure that I do my best when no one is watching. I bring my A-game to circuit boards, wooden fences and everything else. 

See these two exhibits from Steve Jobs.

In the first, he’s talking about designing PC Boards that no one’s gonna ever see. Here’s a snippet. 

Another snippet from him is from his interview with Playboy magazine in 1985 (I don’t know how many of you were even conceptualised at that time) where he’s talking about carpentry. 

So that! 

I will do whatever it takes to do my best. And I know my best will often be poor for others. And that’s ok. I am not ice cream and I can’t please everyone. But I will continue to show up and give my best. I think, if I were around Steve, he would’ve fired me a hundred times for not being good enough! 

Wait. I digressed. Like always. 
Back to reputation. 

So what is reputation? 

My loose definition is, what people think of you and describe you as when you are not in the room. Reputation is a proxy for trust. It dictates if others would want to engage with you or not. In the long-term, iterative and repetitive games of the world we live in (which is built on pillars of mistrust) get easier to play, better and more rewarding if your reputation is top-notch. 

Think of Nath Saab.
The fact that he stood around and acknowledged and did not run away adds to his reputation.
I would love to be around such a man.
You? 

I understand that reputation is not merely about intent or actions. It’s often about outcomes. I know giving my best with my best intent may not translate into even average outcomes. And I am ok with it. I know this is counterintuitive and folks in this day and age only want to talk about what you get done this week.

I know that at C4E, I am pushing folks to talk about what they got done (and not what they did). I know this is hypocrisy at its very best. And I ok with it. I am trying to find a balance between the two. I want to push for greatness and yet I don’t want to break people along the way. And I am sure with time, I will find my way. Or maybe not. As long as I am standing with my spine straight, I am ok. 

Coming to building, sustaining and growing reputation, I think the most important is what they call the 8th wonder of the world – compounding. 

The way you behave, operate and act over time becomes your reputation. And then each act from thereon adds to it. And if you do it well, it compounds! 

The scary part is, that the first time you defect, the reputation shatters. Think of glass. Once it’s got a crack, you can’t do anything about it. You have to start all over again. If you have the time left to start. And at my age, I dont have the time. So, I am very very protective of my reputation. Even at the cost of letting go of opportunities. 

So, you must protect your reputation at any cost. Of course, there are exceptions (think businessmen, politicians, film stars and all that). Just that I am not an edge case, yet. I am at best a mid-wit at best and thus I need to work hard to build and uphold it. Nath Saab has built his over so many years with deliberate work and effort. 

I did something similar a few weeks ago. I said no to something that I knew was a sure-shot way to make money and create impact but it would have meant that I would lose my reputation. Strangely it was just me (in a group of 10 other super smart folks) who thought that my reputation was at stake. Maybe if I were not a midwit, I would’ve taken the plunge! Anyhow. Different story for a different day. 

Coming to reputation and lessons from Nath Saab. 

As I try and scale C4E and see what else can we apply ourselves to, I think I need to be reminded of this reputation as the starting point and even the destination. And I think I would do well if at the age Nath Saab is at, I have a reputation like his. 

With this, here’s a question and a request.
This is an anonymous form you can fill in to give me feedback.

The Evocativeness of Elon

Been reading and thinking about Elon’s team catching that rocket in midair. See this…

While everyone acknowledges that it’s a marvel of science and is that tiny step for a team that would mean a giant leap for humanity, the event did a lot more for me.

It has thrown my thinking about life and all in turmoil. I have way too many, too conflicted thoughts. Here’s an unfiltered, unedited brain dump.

If I slay some sacred cows, I am guilty.
If I ruffle some feathers, I am guilty.
I am in a funk and I need some shocks to get out.
Would appreciate some feedback and inputs.

Let’s go…

1/ Is Paul Graham’s founder-mode really a good place to operate from? What if the cost of human progress is to be not-nice to others?

Context – I’ve been nice all my life and I have nothing to show for that. This is when most of my idols have been not-nice to others (Steve, agency guru, etc) and have been very mission, outcome and outcome oriented capitalists! The nice ones that I follow have been mild successes at best. The wild ones are the ones that were not so nice. So there’s some anecdotal evidence there.

With C4E, I had set out to build a culture-first, nice place and almost 4 years in, we are still not close to any sort of success. We struggle to meet our payroll each month. People are happy but the org is not thriving.

May be I need to shift my stand and let niceness and humanness and culture go to hell and do whatever it takes to go win.

Assuming I can do that!
Assuming I have it in me to be unkind to people to get things done.
May be I should accept that I will never be a wild success and go sell stupid courses on Topmate 😀

2/ Do I double down on respecting the art and ignore the artist?

Context – I am often able to abstract the outcome from the people who make it happen (most of Bollywood and agency business is that in the first place). I try to spot lessons even in the worst personalities. With this rocket (live streamed via his Starlink!), and my money to get Twitter premium and my want of getting a Tesla some day to my admiration for his speed with xAI and my fascination with neuralink and many more “signs” (see Huang talk about Elon, couple it with Munger talking very briefly about Elon), do I index more on output, progress? Or do I continue to be nice? And accept that I will never be successful and all that? And get that topmate account 😀

3/ Do I stop investing in people? And get mission-oriented, project-oriented, money-oriented, outcome-oriented only?

I often think of myself as Karna and Yudhisthir – an irrational fool when it comes to giving, even to strangers. And in the case of loved ones, give while harming self. And all this giving and investing has happened only because I am long-term greedy. I have hoped that today am ok to live like a pauper and have others live like kings so that tomorrow, it will be a king-like life for all of us and more. You know, compound.

But in life, I’ve seen that when I need people, they, sort of, don’t show up. I understand that they are not obligated to. But even the basic “am with you” narrative changes once they get into ivory houses and look down at my rundown tent with disgust and indifference.

I can’t forget a time a couple of years ago when I was down to my last 500 bucks and despite knowing this, my best friends called me for a rando party at some shady bar where we paid crazy money for alcohol that I anyway dont drink. After that incident, I didn’t commute to even meet clients cos I didn’t have the money on me. And I have stopped going to parties with that group unless there’s M.

No, I am not sore.
I am merely old. Lol.
No jokes apart, I write this with equanimity and I know life and things and people change. I haven’t stopped investing in people. I haven’t stopped supporting whoever I can. I know I am being taken for a ride and I play along. If I can be that ladder that they can use to get ahead, why not? Life is supposed to be grand for all of us. There’s so much magic around us. Abundance!

Again, I am not complaining about people and the change. I am merely saying that I’ve lost business, opportunities, money and more importantly time by being nice.

Do I stop being nice and start being a bitch?
Or accept that my fate is that of a failed coach who sells courses?

4/ Do I have it in me to take a shot at grandness?

This is the most important one. Do I have it in me to even take a shot at greatness? A classmate (he’s not a friend) from MDI Gurgaon told me some 10 years ago that he had accepted that he would never be a CEO and thus he will do whatever he can to get a great life.

Today, he and his family are in the US, and have an easy life of a Silicon Valley DINK executives (last I checked, his wife leads HR for THE payments company of the internet).

Should I just accept that I will never be the one to make that ding in the universe? I will never send those rockets up there and catch them. Wait, I dont even want to send rockets up there. Lol. I am not inspired by space as the space. I’d rather make life beautiful, engaging, full of experience and better for people here or wherever we are. Mind it – not happy. But engaging and all.

The thing is, Elon’s solving for survival and making us interplanetary. I was and I want to solve for us living “better” – you know, the one where you are free, have the freedom to do whatever. And you choose what is life for you – you could be like my friend (who wants it easy and is going for hikes and runs and pickleball and concerts and holidays and all) or you could be like me (always on a treadmill and remain unidimensional about work and all) or anywhere along this spectrum.

You choose.

Ok, and thanks to this vagueness, I dont know what the output would look like. And thus the fuckery.

5/Maybe I will stop talking about the ding and find my tiny little hamlet where we make a better life for people who choose to be there.

You know the village.

Where we invite nice people to live AND work with us. We create something that people really value and are willing to “give their lives” for – both for creating and consuming. I can think of people like DHH (and Basecamp), Shashank (the creator of The Whole Truth), impact investors (maybe – I have a very cynical view of impact as the space) and others.

These people are at the right intersection of things – build “good” things that they love to build, create a “free” life, sell to a LOT of people on their terms, and care deeply for their customers (to a point that they’d shift business strategy if they hear a lot about it) and continue to chase and optimise for personal growth.

Some of these people find balance.
Some remain on the treadmill.
May be that’s the way to go for me?
May be I need to double down on C4E Labs?
That will mean I move to Ahd.
I dont know if I want to go there 😀

TBH, apart from the location constraint, nothing stops me from pivoting to C4E Labs. At least I would have the freedom to create things that I want to. And hopefully, at scale! And I would be living around nice people who do nice things for the world at large to live a nice life!

The trouble is, this would mean quitting C4E in its current form – and at a time when things seem to be looking better for us – we have some reputation, some clients, some really engaged, great people doing great work with our tenets of reliability. We are looking at expanding the team and getting more clients. Etc etc.

Or maybe I can run the two. I dont know. What if I run both into the ground? But then this is also not akin to making a ding. This is at best a good compromise for the failed attempts at making dings. If not C4E Labs, maybe find something like what Tons Valley Shop team is doing.

However, there’s no product that I am uniquely passionate or excited about.

Maybe something in the health space?

Lately, I’ve been invested in that – thanks to work. I had a co-founder opportunity that I let go cos I didn’t align on vision and people. If Elon had caught that rocket earlier, I would’ve probably joined it 😀

I have a founding team opportunity that I will get closure on either today or tom. It will still not be a ding but it will solve for problems at scale.

The best part is that if it pans out, C4E would benefit. And it would be a nice thing where I don’t need to be in the founder mode :D.

So may be that?

If not for Labs, I can even think of faith-based orgs. You know, churches, temples, Hare Krishna etc. Faith becomes paramount and everyone is happy. No, I can’t create this. At best, I can think of Vipassana folks.
But no. HARD NO!

So that.
Ok, I have vomited a word salad.
PS: I first wrote this on Twitter / X.

Now that I’ve written. Must write more.
I know that I need to move on from people-first.
I also know that I may not be project-first.
I also know that I will need to find a “compromise” I probably need to unlearn a lot and learn more lots.
At 42.

Sigh!
Chalo onto work.

Oh and disclaimers. This really is an unfiltered stream of thoughts. This is unedited. This is not how I would publish a lot of things. But living in public, FTW!

The Chest Discomfort Drama

So the last few days I have had some weird pain in my chest on the left side. Now this could be something to do with the heart, or lungs, or muscles, or even gas, if nothing else. And since I’ve been reading a lot about health, sleep, longevity and all that, I am of course concerned. And unlike the Hernia that I have come to accept as a feature of my body and live with (I bear the pain most of the day), I am worried about this one. 

Before you get alarmed, I am going for a check-up. And apart from the pain in my chest and shoulders, I don’t have any other symptoms (I have none of these that are typical of cardiac unrest –  shortness of breath, sweating, dizziness, nausea, anxiety, indigestion etc). And I have been sleeping well, at least my whoop data tells me that. In my books, well means 6+ hours of restful sleep on average in the last few days. 

So, any search on the internet about anything to do with discomfort in the chest will convince you that you are getting a heart attack and you are dying from it. And even if it’s a false alarm, I don’t want to die right now. I mean I am not afraid per se of death. I know it’s an inevitable destination and in the words of Steve, “Death is very likely the single best invention of Life”. Again in his words, “It clears out the old to make way for the new.” And I’ve seen this in action. However, I have a lot to do at this point. All this “lot to do” may be subjective, meaningless etc etc in the large scheme of things (I can be a nihilist at times) but to me, at this point in time in life, they matter. And I am willing to kill for those. Well, at least live for those. Plus, I run a village right now and the village may not be able to survive without me. I know I am giving myself too much importance but that is where it is. It may not even survive with me at the helm but at least I would’ve tried and I wouldn’t be an armchair activist. 

So, while my aversion to organised medical institutions is well-known, I’ve got myself an expensive appointment with a doctor who looks fit, at least from his photos (Thanks Naval for the tip). And I am hoping that he will be unlike other doctors. If this one doesn’t turn out to be good, I’ll chat with someone else. And then maybe one more. And then hang my boots. Oh, I do have Ashi, a friend and a doctor who I trust. 

The thing is, as I age, I need to find someone in the medical fraternity to look for me. I don’t trust the way doctors work – pumping you with medicines. I’d rather trust a person like Steve Jobs, Elon Musk to help me navigate my health. They would of course be capitalist as fuck and make a lot of money off me but I trust them to do the right thing for the customer.  

Anyhow, I digressed. 
Coming back to the point.
So I have this random pain. 
Unlike I’ve ever had. 

And it’s been persistent for a few days and has increased in frequency and intensity and area.

And I need to thus figure out what’s wrong with me. And since I don’t know what’s wrong, I have speculated on the worst-case scenario and on the best-case scenario. And while I did that, I tried to detach myself from my thoughts and I tried to observe myself with a third-party, equanimous lens. 

And here’s what I found. 

A/ I saw a middle-aged man relook at his will. 

B/ I saw a man scared of the inevitable. 
I could see that one night the man was afraid to even fall asleep. What if he didn’t wake up the next morning? In a flurry of texts, I shared a lot of hidden fears on Twitter. Go find what night was that, if you are curious. 

C/ I saw a man in denial about how he lives his life.
You know, as a modern-day hippie, refusing to fit in.

I saw this man circle through the stages of grief. I learnt from AD and ND that when in adversity, you could rather be a problem-solver and go over these stages fast. Some people never get over it. AD got over his latest grief in like 1 hour. ND takes a day. This man took 4 days. 

In his case, there was more confusion than anything else. But now he’s accepted it and is in a solution mode. 

D/ I saw a lazy man who would make all the excuses he could to avoid going to a doctor. One time he made an online appointment and waited for the doctor to confirm. Then he made an appointment and cancelled. And today, as he writes this, he will finally go! Unless the laziness gets the better of him during the day. 

E/ I also saw the man go over his latest health reports (last check-up in Mar 2024) and try to make sense of those. Till at least 30th of Mar 2024, apart from some inflammations and a high HbA1c, most markers were in place. Even the LDL and HDL were in permissible limits. So, I am not sure if you can fuck your heart health so bad in 5 months. See the confusion? And if I have, I have. And we shall find a solution.

F/ At no point I had an existential crisis per se. 
I was worried and all that but I didn’t really lose sleep. I think I am blessed in that department. I sleep well. At least my whoop tells me that. So that’s one saving grace. As I write this, the previous night’s data says that I got 6+ hours of sleep (which I think is good for someone like me) and out of that I had 4+ hours of restorative sleep! 

Post edit – I was indeed worried one night. I did mention it in point B.

Post edit 2 – as I edit this, I haven’t slept well last night. 

G/ The man is at jo hoga dekha jaaega stage and not worried. 
He took a pragmatic look at things and decided that in the case of the inevitable, he would put affairs in order (means find money for ageing parents, close things at work, disappear from the internet) and accept the inevitable. And accept that some mysteries in life can never be solved.

H/ Finally, I saw an old man, who refuses to grow up and act his age. 

Ok, the man’s taking a break and is on his way to see a doctor. In a grand ceremony of sorts, he handed his computer (essentially his life’s possessions) to his trustworthy lieutenant and walked into the hospital. 

POST VISIT 

The man saw a doctor. 
He shared his lifestyle, data, history etc. 
He chose the heart doctor that looked the fittest. 
He got some consultation. 
He got his BP done twice (once it was 150-90 and then it was 130-90). 
He got an ECG done. 
He even tried to sell an health-tech idea to the doc 😀

The eventual recommendation from the doc was that there’s nothing to worry about and to rule out things, we can do more tests. So the man is in the process of doing those tests. 

Oh, the doctor also mentioned that this could also be a result of anxiety. And here was this man – thinking that all was well with him in the head department! 

So anyhow. 
Very anti-climatic. 
Much ado about nothing. 
Or maybe there is something to worry about. 
Time shall tell. 

But in all, this was a very interesting, harrowing last 14 days. 
I hope I sleep well tonight. 
Post-edit – I did not. 
Oh, by the way, I am gonna call this my rebirth and I am gonna take care of my village and my people. 
Come on, universe. 

Oh, in case someone wants to see my ECG report, lemme know.

Notes from a conversation between Derek Sivers and Andrew Wilkinson

I heard this podcast. And like most times when I come across something interesting or inspiring, I write into people!

So I wrote to Derek.
And here is a part of that email.
Paraphrased for a blog post.

Derek’s honest talk made me reflect on my own life and at 42 (am at that age where I ought to have all the answers :D). Here are some things that I thought about

1/ Explorer vs Leader.

Derek says he’s an explorer. I think I am the same. An explorer at best. While at work, I am supposed to lead a team per se, I have lately realised that I am probably a modern-day hippie who’s supposed to explore. And as Derek mentioned, I need a Queen / King to allocate resources and a leader to go in one direction and do things.

So I am on constant lookup for people that can enable me and support me. I am lucky that I have some folks that have chosen me.

2/ Life optimised for personal growth (and not for status).

I won’t lie – I’ve thought about chasing status but the more I age, the more I realise that I am not very keen on status games. I am also inspired by Naval and his thoughts on status games. On Naval, he also talks about long-term games with long-term people and I recently read one of Derek’s essays about super long-term thinking.

I’ve always explored with the intention of doing the next thing and the underlying intention has always been growth. And personal joy.

I also tend to stay away from folks that are invested into status games.

3/ I am a Xenophile too.

Before I saw Derek’s website, I did not know I was one!

I mean I come from a place like India where we have a million subcultures and yet I pine for foreign lands. I am lucky that I’ve travelled to a few places.

Oh, Derek also talked about the stubborn visionary that built Dubai. This is my phrase of the week, till I find the next one to latch onto.

4/ Optimal level of fame.

You know, the more I think about life and what I want from it, I really want to have access to people, places and things that seem interesting to me. These could be the poorest of neighbourhoods and fanciest of hotels. This could mean an internet billionaire on one side and a lumber worker on the other. This could mean a ticket to ride to Mars or entry into a private forest in some hills.

I would love to have just that level of fame that gets me access to these places. I don’t know what I would do with this access. This also connects beautifully with being an explorer, accepting beliefs that are useful to you (rather than them being universally true) and of course, personal growth!

5/ Questioning your biases and beliefs

Derek talked about some of his. And I am inspired to change some of mine. Starting with the one that I’ve help for a long long time – that I don’t goto people’s homes. And I will change.

Thing is, for some reason, I’ve never been comfortable intruding on people’s personal space. Maybe it’s my reflection of my own space that I like to not share. May be its the manifestation of me never having a good home. I remember this idea became much more stronger during the lockdown when I lived in an absolutely bare shell space. And thus, I always meet people outside (at cafes, restaurants etc). Going forward, I will try to go to their homes and know their stories.

6/ What I really want from life?

Lemme break this into parts.

A – While answers may not be easy about what I want in life, I keep coming back to this one quote from a poet, Kabir.

Sai itna dijiye, jaame kutumb samaay,
main bhookha naa rahoon, sadhu na bhookha jaaye

This translates loosely into, “Oh, Lord, give me enough to take care of my family. Enough that I don’t sleep hungry and yet have enough left to support others that may ask me for it.”

The point is, I want to make enough to take care of myself, my family, my people and the one I feel responsible for. If you want to go down more rabbit holes, you may want to read these three posts.

B – I am gonna think about some hard-nos for me.
One of those is that I want to control my time and I will not rent it out. So far I have been fairly successful at that.

C – Where I live.
Right now I live in a concrete jungle full of pollution etc. I really want to move to a better place – ideally to a place in the lap of nature that is cold. But I need modern conveniences and I may not get to live there.

D – Connect People.
I will invest my time and energy into becoming a people connector. I do this already but I will amp this up. To a point, that this becomes my identity. I am yet to get clarity on this but I will find it for sure.

I also want to invest in communities. Not in terms of giving back, but in terms of the tribe of people that you want to be with. I want a lot of folks around me and I will build those networks.

7/ In the end

From the podcast, this quote Andrew caught my eye / ear- “treasure you seek is in the cave you are afraid and reluctant to enter”

This is what the theme for the rest of 2024 would be. That I need to act on things that I am afraid of doing.

Let’s see how that goes for me.

That’s about it.

As always, please poke holes in my thinking!

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42 things I’ve learnt in my 42 years

Note: I started writing this list 2 years ago but never got around to finishing it. Today I will.

Yesterday, Nikhila asked me, “What would you do if you were 21 again & knew everything you know today?“

I thought it was a great prompt to get thinking and writing about two things – what do I know today. And what would I do if I were 21 again.

So, let’s go.

A/ What do I know today?

AKA, 42 things I wish to tell a younger version of self.

What do I know today? Well, I have to admit. Not a lot. In fact more I know, the more I realize that there are more things that I do not know.

But then I started to write this list a couple of years ago and since today I’ve decided that I will get this done. Thanks, V for this 6 AM writing gift.

Oh, here are a few disclaimers before I start…

A/ Do read this in continuation to the list of things that I want to do in my 40s.

B/ On this list, I will only put in things that I have experienced firsthand. No gyaan but things that have happened to me. Or not happened to me. I dont want this to be fluff.

I mean I will not say, “eat more protein”. I know it’s a universal truth but I haven’t experienced the advantages of eating more protein and thus I can’t talk about it.

So, here is a list. In no order.

  1. Compounding is the 8th wonder of the world. Don’t know who said this. But it’s true. I’ve seen it in my life. Put everything on compounding treadmill.
  2. Time is limited. This is the single most important thing you have. Spend money to earn time. Never rent your time out. Find opportunities where your time is spent on meaningful things like lunches, conversations, etc.
  3. Dont hop from one thing to another. Never be in that zone of trying to find the next greener pasture. The grass is green on the side you choose to water it. Longer you water it, better it would be. Let it compound. Read point 1.
  4. Learn to spot energy vampires and energy boosters. Eliminate the vamps. Invest in boosters.
  5. Actions > Words.
  6. If you make a promise, you better keep it. Try to become consistent. I suck at this. I am trying hard. I don’t know if I would succeed.
  7. Some time ago, Sheba helped me discover the word that drives me. Movement. For a friend, it’s fearless. For someone else, it’s money. Find your word. Invest your entire being into it. Also, see this.
  8. The ability to do something in public is one of the most underrated ones. You could choose your vocation – write / design / dance / write / speak / make fun of people / cry / do your make up / share your travels etc. So, build in public. And talk about it on the internet. Learn from AK.
  9. Sleep well. Invest in your sleep. Do not make excuses about parties, work, networking, etc. Oh, while you may believe you are a “night person”, there is nothing more magical than waking up before the sun and seeing the sun shower the world with warmth. Of course, you may be a night owl. And that’s ok. You’re missing on it ;P
  10. Keep your back straight and rest will follow.
  11. Family > Friends. Family is what is imposed on you. Friends is what you choose. And you must choose carefully. These two (family and friends) will dictate how happy, how engaged, how inspired you live a life. I have been extremely lucky in this department.
  12. Think long-term. Everything I have today has come to me because I’ve operated from a time horizon of infinity. See 1 again.
  13. Know that you are an Average Joe. You are a midwit at best. I know of myself as the greatest gift to humankind and yet I know that I am an average. All the thing that dreams are made of – dating a supermodel, winning a jackpot, building a billion-dollar company – happens to people on the edges. I am not on the edge. Am bang in the middle of the middle. And thus I need to work hard. And I want to work at things that have the highest probability of success for an average person.
  14. Give each person you love one rupee and one brick. This is a maxim from baniya community and it translates into giving your people work and room. More on this someday. I am yet to do this as a process but I’ve been at it.
  15. Other people’s opinions don’t amount to much. They will not come to save you when you are drowning. Except when it affects your public reputation or brand.
  16. Build your personal brand. This is one of the biggest lessons ever and one of the things I wish I had known sooner. I’d go as far as to say, chase vanity numbers – 100K on Twitter, 1M on Instagram etc.
  17. See Pale Blue Dot every week.
  18. Practice delayed gratification. This is an easy muscle to build. Each time you are tempted to do something, take a 48-hour break!
  19. Read Naval. And implement what he says. While we are on reading, read Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus. This is a good starting point.
  20. There is no substitute for hard work. If two roads diverged in the woods and you want to want on the one that makes all the difference, take the harder one.
  21. Always operate from the humility of being a student. I know tons of young and younger folks who know that they know it all. And I am sure they do. And I see them as miserable humans. I don’t want to be that.
  22. Invest in relationships. All kinds. Romantic, friendly, professional, etc. I’ve been a great beneficiary of these investments. Apart from the love department, I’ve been lucky in all others. And let them compound. See point 1.
  23. Breathe. Meditate. Pause. Reflect.
  24. Assume that you are all alone. On the darkest nights and toughest battles, I’ve found myself by myself. No friends. No lovers (my lovers were the first ones to desert me). No one. Apart from my parents and my sis. I’ve had enough of troughs to now know that I need to learn how to operate as a lone warrior.
  25. Get a nice house to live in. When I say nice, I don’t mean you get Antilla. You need to get a room for yourself that no one can enter without your permission. Make it your abode. I have always overpaid for houses and I think the large investment is worth it. Oh, I still dont own one. I still live in a rented apartment.
  26. Fuck the FOMO.
  27. Take notes.
  28. Learn how to read people. Most people are guided by the same tiny set of things – appreciation, respect, vanity, greed, fear etc. Spot who’s guided by what and then operate from there on.
  29. Make friends with support staff. Invest in their stories, lives etc. Think of your Barista at a Starbucks. Think of your security guard, your domestic help etc. Know their names. Know their whys. Talk to them. More than a polite and transactional thank you when they serve you well, get to know them. These tiny things make life worth living.
  30. Make friends with people that you have an age gap of 10, 20, 30, even more. My closest confidante today is a 23-year-old. I seek advice from a 60-year-old advertising professional. I built SoG as a means to stay connected to young folks. I built party of 9 to find more people to learn from.
  31. Learn cold approach. I suck at this but I am learning. Read about PuAs. I should give myself a target of cold approaching 5 people every day.
  32. Ready. Fire. Aim.
  33. No, I don’t understand those maxims about direction and speed where they say that its important to go in the right direction (rather than going fast). If I knew the direction, I would run with speed. But like most folks, the direction is often not clear. I still dont know what I want to do in life. I dont have a mission. I dont know why I work hard. I do so because I dont know anything else. So, I operate with directionless speed. No, dont follow this advice 😀
  34. Go easy on wokeness. While inclusion is important, it has lately become a cog in the propaganda machinery and young folks dont know how to see through it. An easy way out is to be aware of woke conversations but do not attach your identity to those. Even if you feel strongly about those.
  35. Empathy is important. But not to the point that you can’t function.
  36. Build the muscle to take hard calls. Asking someone to fuck off because they are rude to you is easy. But letting go of a colleague who’s working hard and is committed and is loyal and you can’t see them improving is hard.
  37. The word “passion” is an over-abused one. You are not passionate about anything. You are merely seeing success in that thing. While you are on passion, read this by Giibran.
  38. Incentives have superpowers. If you want to know what drives who, try to see what incentives are in place. In fact, read everything by Charlie Munger.
  39. Learn how to not take a no. Again, I am trying to build this muscle. I think Dhirubhai used to say, “mujhe na sunnay ki aadat nahi hai“. Not sure. But I love the line.
  40. Ask yourself often, what is that you are willing to give up to get what you want. I first heard this from Ajeet Sir. I’ve given all and more to be at this place. And no, this is not enough. I wish I could have more. And no, I don’t mean it from a lens of a complaining old man but from that of someone who’s divinely discontent.
  41. All advice, all lists, all lessons, all things I know are an outcome of my own life. Most of these will not make sense to you. Most of these will not bear fruit. Most of these will be laughed upon. Like all general-purpose advice, take these 42 with a fistful of salt. Also see the last line of this post.
  42. This is THE most important thing I know and thus I kept it for last – “this too shall pass“

Phew!

I am sure there are more. Adding those in appendix below. But these 42 came to me at this time – 8:30 AM, 27 Sep 2024.

Onto what would I do today if I were 21 and knew everything that I listed above.

Oh, before the next section, if you’d like to subscribe to updates from me, please add your email below. Promise no spam 🙂

B/ What would I do today if I were 21?

This is a tough one to answer.

For the simple reason that folks may read this as a manipulative piece (I want to get a lot of young folks to work with me) and my number 1 advice would be to work with the 42-year version of me!

I mean it. Whoever is reading this, if what I’ve written makes sense, come work with me.

But I want to be fair to Nikhila. And I know she will not want to work with me. So, if I were to discard my number 1 advice, here’s some more things that I could do if I were 21…

1/ Reconsider your decision to not work with me. No one else will give you a long leash, opportunities, respect. Ask C. Lol!

2/ You can have only three parts of life – career, personal life, and social life. Each activity in life can easily be clubbed into one of the three. And here’s the thing I would want the 21-year version of me to do.

Choose one of the three.
One. Not two.
Not one and a half.

You will live a very unfulfilled life if you pick more than one of these. And yeah, I probably will get canceled. And I know there are people who manage to do all three. But then, I am an average Joe. See point 13 above.

3/ Submit yourself to a guru for 5 years. Think of this as the next education you’re getting after your college. You HAVE to be there for 5 years. And you will come out of the other side without a paper to certify. But you would probably have scars from skirmishes that you would recount with pride when you are old!

PS: I’ve not submitted myself to anyone but if I could, I would.

4/ Work in an events agency for five years. The exposure I got while I was at Gravity remains the most impactful in my life. It was helped by the fact that I was close to the founder (may be find work where you work with the founder), I was often in ambiguous places (build my muscle), unknown territory, and had a very long leash! So, may be not events but find a place that gives you all these things.

5/ Build in public. Something, anything. Even if it’s a doodle a day. Allow serendipity to happen. And while you do that, build your personal brand.

6/ See thing I know #17. Every week.

7/ Make a list of things you want from life. Make a list of things you are willing to give up to get what you want. See thing I know #40.

I guess this is it.
Do read the disclaimers.
Hope you get what you want from life.
May you live long and prosper.

As always, please point flaws in my thinking. Apart from typos ;P

Oh, and please share this with others and help me find more folks that I can work alongside and learn from!

Appendix: Additional things I know

I will keep adding to this list. I like the idea that this page would evolve into things I know. I will also strike out things that are no longer relevant.

27 Sep 2024

  1. It’s ok to have typos. No one cares. I know this piece has many!
  2. Attention to detail is a great skill to have but in case you dont have it, it’s okay.
  3. Excellence is overrated. In fact, this should make it to the list of top 42. But I dont know which one to remove.

28 Sep 2024

  1. Some people read the early draft and a couple of them mentioned that they’d like to read about anecdotes / stories behind each of these things and lessons. Maybe I will write a separate post. But at this time I don’t feel the need to write those.

More as they come.

Thanks to Nikhil, Ahona, Pradeep, Chandni and others for sharing feedback on an early draft. Thanks to Nikhila for the prompt. And Vaishnavi for the writing hour gift!

The last line

I read this fascinating list by Kevin D where he’s talking about his 50 lessons as he turned 50. His 43rd point is, “43. Only take advice from people who embody the traits you want to have. Talk is cheap—emulate those who have DONE it. (Especially important here on X where charlatans run rampant.)”. Emphasis mine.

So, please take this advice with that disclaimer 🙂

I’ve failed.

So I’ve failed. 

Lemme elaborate on this clickbaity headline. And this is about C4E – one of my life’s works.

Here’s some context.

I started C4E sometime in 2015 or 2016. Thanks to the generosity of Rajesh Sir at VISCOMM, I got off to a great start. But I couldn’t keep up the momentum. Things went along like you would expect them to at a startup. Just that we weren’t a startup per se – we were more of a regular business.

And then in COVID, I had to sort of pause. And with the help of Parijat and Pooja, C4E took rebirth in 2020. Both Ps continue to be well-wishers and tethered to us. In Poo’s case, she continues to have the option of being the founder alongside me. As I say often, her chappals occupy the highest throne at C4E.

So, with time, I have grown up and my thinking has evolved. And the world around us changed. And I have seen people change. And from wanting to be the richest man in the world, I’ve started to think a lot more about delivering insane impact, while being the richest man in the world. And from wanting to build a well-oiled machinery, I have pivoted to the want of building an org that is more human than anything else.

Human in my book means – empathetic, soft-spoken, polite, fair, “nice” and all that. Plus, at C4E, each human must (in the order I’ve written below)…

  1. have the respect (as a human) of everyone in the ecosystem. We are ok to let go of clients, people, things if we don’t spot respect. And respect goes beyond general niceness and politeness. And respect needs to be earned and not commanded or demanded.
  2. offer this respect to everyone else. And respect is in action (and not in words). And it’s in tiny things. For example, every email unanswered reeks of disrespect. Every time we leave someone on “seen” and not respond, it’s disrespect. Even if they are wrong. Each time we promise we’ll do something and we don’t that’s disrespect. Not showing up 2 minutes before the appointed time is disrespectful. I can go on for hours on this but I am sure you get the gist.
  3. have the freedom of their time to a reasonable extent (if not 100%).
  4. get fair and timely compensation for the time and energy they put in. Please note I am not indexed on competitive, world-class, market rates etc. I am indexed on fair and timely.
  5. have the opportunity to find a balance (of work and play) in their lives. It’s only them who get to decide what is work or what is play. And C4E must enable that. I’d go a layer deeper and say that their work at C4E must give them a sense of identity and pride. In my case, all of it is work. In the case of some of my colleagues, work is not even a part of their identity.
  6. come with the intent to put in honest, hard work that enables them to “earn” money, respect, the freedom of time and the opportunity to find the balance harmony in their lives. We are a smart bunch and we spot when people try to fool us. And we assume that the world out there is smart as well and they can spot when we try to fool them.
  7. have the drive to grow by doing more and the willingness to contribute to the growth of others. If not of the entire world, then of C4E Village. If not that, then at least the colleagues at C4E. If we don’t grow, we are dead.

PS: I am sure there would be more things that I want people at C4E to have, but these come to my mind as I write this. I will continue to update this.

PPS: I know that people don’t have an inherent awareness of many of the above. As the leader of the pack (I still get uncomfortable calling myself a leader), thus, it’s my job to train, educate, upskill, push, nudge, support, and encourage my people to become the best version of themselves.

And yes, even though I want my people to get all the things in the list above, we must acknowledge and know that we are a business at the end of the day. And as a business, we need to make money. And a lot of that hopefully. Money keeps the machinery running well. I need to pay people fairly and on time. I need money to enable a lot of things that we do at C4E. I need money to pay for my Starbucks!

Of course, we owe it to our shareholders (largely Pooja, myself and some others), mentors, clients, villagers, friends and others. In that order.

But we owe the most to our people. More than shareholders or mentors. It’s our people that make us who we are. The very foundation of C4E is people and the list that I shared above is a non-negotiable. I am lucky and grateful that people at C4E have chosen to invest their most important asset in C4E – time!

And if I am unable to offer my people all the things that I’ve listed above, I would consider myself a failure.

And this brings me to the clickbaity headline.

I’ve failed.

No, I will not go into details of why I’ve failed and what was the point of fault that triggered these thoughts. That stuff goes on my echoChamber. What goes here is acknowledgement that I’ve failed to offer the things that I’ve listed above.

In my head, I have failed to the point that while showering today a few days ago, I decided that I would shut the business on 31 Mar 2025. I thought that I would give my team, my clients and everyone a 7-month notice. I thought of scenarios after that and decided that I would do nothing for a while (may be a year) and drift around. May be reset life at the fabled age of 42!

But then I told myself the following…

It’s my raita. It’s my village. And I can’t take the easy way out. I can’t quit till I’ve reached where I want to reach (please don’t ask me what is this ‘where I want to reach’ – I have a fuzzy picture of me floating in gold like Uncle Scrooge would). And, most important, if not me, who? Reminds of this quote I read yesterday…

It says,

“Look at your habits: Are they the product of innumerable little cowardices and lazinesses…or of your courage and inventive reason?”

And poof! All doubt was gone. All the lingering feeling was gone. I had failed. But I shall rise. At least I will try to. And thus, ladies and gents, we continue to march on. And do whatever it takes to bring my house to order.

Watch me.

PS: While editing this, I realised, I could’ve very well titled this post The C4E Manifesto. Or the C4E values. Or even the C4E promise.

27 Aug 2024 – Morning Pages

I’ll start with a Silicon Valley cliche. There are decades when nothing happens and there are weeks where decades happen. 

Yesterday was a day when I think decades happened to me. And I probably aged by a decade. Apart from my echoChamber, I want to capture it on a public forum as well.

Here we go.

Oh, before I talk in detail and get into specifics, play this and let it play in the background as you read this.

Eddie – Guaranteed

Ok, now that you have the baritone of Eddie talking about how you ought to live life, I can talk.

I will talk about 5 things.

A/ Feedback from a senior agency person

Met a senior person from the agency business. I told him about my plans to take C4E in the big league and start pitching for projects at the intersection of modern marketing, digital, strategy and others. And compete with the likes of Ogilvy and others.

He snubbed me.

He told me and C that what we do is crap and he has no confidence in us being able to deliver large things. 

Which is ok.
May be fair.
But then on deeper introspection, I realised that maybe, just maybe he doesn’t understand what am trying to build. Lemme try to articulate again.

I want to build the world’s largest, richest, most impactful business. I want to play at scale. I want to move humanity and make us thrive, live better and all that. I want the workplace to be respectful, kind, hardworking, aciton-first and more. But…

But…

But I dont want to do this on the back of broken souls. I dont want to tramp over others. I dont want to make it toxic.

Now, when I hear things like, “make 200 calls, get 50 meetings, and convert 10 businesses”, I think, it’s a piece of fabulous advice for folks who want to use people as replaceable objects. But not me. I want to give a safe, kind space to everyone to find their bliss and get paid well while they do that. In such a business, we need people to be self-motivated, high-agency and respectful towards work. After all, for most of us who are not artists, we have to find meaning in what we do.

The thing is, if we are lucky, we’d have something to lean on that fills our soul. Some people find it in art. Some in sports. Some in code. Some like me, in business. Some dont find it at all. And it is in those cases that you have to latch onto something and make it yours.

When I see a younger colleague getting disrespected by saying “without disrespecting your age or experience”, I dont want to run that in the first place. If you have to add a disclaimer before you speak, it’s better to not speak.

When I am told that my work won’t cut it, I want to hear more. But about how I can make it better, not a rant on how it’s bad. I want to be pointed at flaws and not be told that we can’t do it.

So that.

Ok. Over this one. 4 more to go.

B/ I let go of one more person from my life.

I have this friend. Her father says a brilliant thing – he says, “is insaan ka panna faad diya“.

Lemme try and explain. Imagine our life is a notebook. Each person in our life is a page. And you can add as many pages in that notebook (once you meet new people). And then the page can extend to any length (depending on your relationship with them). And like any well-used journal or notepad, it can extend in all directions.

However, once you sort of break your relationship with someone (say, someone moves away from your life, someone does something uncool etc etc) you tear their page from your notebook. And then that’s that. You stop bothering about them. They become a stranger. You operate from a place of indifference. You are kind to the world, you are kind to them. You wish them success but you shall not partake in that. If they need help, you are not proactive. You let them come to you. So on and so forth.

He of course has a far deeper reason and philosophy. What I wrote is mine.

And yesterday, I tore one more page off my book. I wish the individual all the luck. I continue to love but I am no longer invested.

So that.

Oh, before you move forward, you may want to see this tweet.

C/ “15 lakh karte ho, 3 gaya, 12 bacha, 4 ek aur hai, 8 bacha. Band kar do“

Last evening, I was talking to a very close friend. The kind whose words mean the world to me.

While talking about something, C4E came up and I told him that I’ve lost a client. He said, “15 lakh karte ho, 3 gaya, 12 bacha, 4 ek aur client hai jo kabhi bhi chala jaaega, 8 bacha. Band kar do“

And it hurt.
Like a bitch.
It was probably meant to hurt.
It didn’t hurt this bad when the love of my life walked out of my life.

I think this made me realise that am probably very emotional about my work and this thing that I’ve created.

I was so fucked in the head that I couldn’t sleep well because of this. Kept thinking, tossing and turning in the bed. But then Whoop tells me I had 53% recovery with about 6 hours of sleep. I know that it was not good at all. Makes me even question the efficacy of a Whoop. And as a professional sleeper, both these things (not being able to sleep well and Whoop being unable to catch my sleep) are not cool.

Coming back.

So, it hurt. And I can either let it continue to hurt me. Or I can fix it. And no points for guessing what I would do. And I need help. Hands and heads. Lend me? And point me to others who I can take help from?

And to start with, I will shut everything that distracts me and I will work hard on taking C4E to an unbreakable place.

D/ Case of online bullying

Someone close to me was bullied online. And since this person was close to me and it was unprovoked bullying, I was angry. As fuck. If the bully were around me when I got to know about it, I would have probably caused hurt.

But am glad the dude lives in Noida.

In a mad rush of blood to my brain, I decided to seek retribution. To be honest, this is not like me. I dont do things like that on impulse. I think and act.

But, I wrote to the CEO of the company he works with (to make the company aware of the kind of people they’ve hired) and the college the bully went to (to check on his records and hopefully get some action). Made a LinkedIn post. Sent DMs. Considered filing a cyber crime case (but the portal was too complicated to have my complaint go thru and I did not try again).

But then I realised, an eye for an eye will make the world blind.

And thanks to Jagdish’s Bruno, I realised that anger is not the place to operate from (but bravery is). And I anyway know that empathy is a good place to be at.

Probably the boy is troubled. So I have decided to let the person go with a stern warning. Hope it fixes him. I will deliver that today. And I will of course close the loop with all the people that I wrote to.

E/ Hurt by someone close

This is the last one from this long rant.

I love a lot of people. To the point that it’s tough to manage egos and all that of all those people. I really go out of the way to make them comfortable, liked, respected, taken care of etc etc. To the best of my ability. Often at the cost of hurting myself. And with little expectation. You know, like Danveer Karna.

I just think there’s so much fuckery in the world. If I could be that island of sanity in their lives, why not?

And despite all these attempts to make someone feel good about life and all, I probably am unable to do enough to keep them engaged and happy.

So that.

Ok am done writing.
Like I said, I aged 10 years in one day.
And I am taking my lessons away.

In the end, so much of what I do, and how I do is about people. And then like life has taught me, EVERYone leaves. See this tweet. It makes me wonder if I were a fool to have taken this path.

I have seen friends, partners, colleagues, and even lovers leave me. And I may not admit it too many times but it sucks to be walking alone and sleep on an empty bed and not having anyone to look after you when you fall. Like I said, I give more than I can and often at great consequence to self. And yet people go. Leave me alone. And I am left wondering where did I go wrong.

Anyhow.

Wait.

Oh, I know there’s their side of the story as well and I know they had reasons for moving on. So I can’t blame them. Just that since everyone moves on en masse, there must be something wrong that am on to. And that’s what I need to discover and find. If you know me, help me. Point out flaws in my thinking.

Chalo, over an out.
From a decade older SG 😀

16 Aug 2024 – Morning Pages

Morning.
I will change this a bit.
I will list things that I want to talk about and then talk about those. Let’s go.

List:

  • Sleep – Professional Sleeper
  • Scotland Yard / LIFE
  • Doing things from AC offices

Now, details.

1/ Sleep

I’ve been trying to lose weight and I understood that a large component of that is sleep and calorie deficit. While I may not be able to do much on the calorie deficit part (I love eating and I do love the taste of processed foods and I hate working out and I dont like dance etc), I can do a lot with my sleep.

In the past I used to think that sleep is for weak and why can’t I not sleep or sleep less (afterall 8 hours is way large a proportion of your day). I have tried with polyphasic sleep, Red Bull etc etc but more I read, more I realise that I need to sleep better if I want a better life.

I’ve been trying a few things in the last month (Keto, IF, consistent bed times, no to travel etc) but I think I will experiment a little more in the next few days. Inspired by this thread by Bryan Johnson, here’s a list of changes I will make.

First, I will shift my identity to that of a professional sleeper. You know, how athletes have an identity as athletes and that means that they need to do whatever it takes to be in their peak?

That!

Other changes I will make include…

  1. Tracker – I already have a Whoop.
  2. Mattress – I think I have a good one. Bought one for a lot of money a few months ago. At some point in time I want to get an 8Sleep or equivalent. Let’s see when.
  3. I like my AC at 22 so that’s cool.
  4. I will add warm showers before bed. Maybe warm showers will be my wind down ritual.
  5. Time – I hereby declare that my sleep time is 10 PM. Unless it is life or death, I will not stay up later than 10. I will not take flights in my sleep window unless there are no other options
  6. Eat all I want to by 12 noon
  7. Last coffee before 12 noon
  8. I dont consume alcohol anyway. So that’s cool.
  9. Red Lamp to help sleep (aka regulating evening light)
  10. Flux. Installed. I dont like it. But installed it nonetheless.
  11. 10000 Lux Lamp to get up (aka morning light)
  12. I know I must get Blue light-blocking glasses but I will not get those.
  13. Bedroom will become a sacrosanct space that will only be used for sleep.
  14. My bedroom faces the road and there’s 24-hour traffic. So I can’t really make it a quiet room. I will see if I want to get a noise machine to help matters.

So that.

As of today, per my data on Whoop, my sleep performance is about 64% (the current period is about 72% and I peaked at 75 last month). Let’s see where I am in the next few days.

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2/ Scotland Yard / LIFE

I dont have a lot of memories from the time I was a kid. However, there are times when I see things, I remember things.

PS: As I wrote this, I remember two distinct events – one – I was crying on the terrace of my school after I lost a quiz and second I was crying in the corridor after I forgot the speech I had to make. I dont know why these two come to mind. Mind, afterall, has its way.

Yesterday, I was with a friend and we were at a Hamley’s to shop for her niece. While browsing around, I spotted Scotland Yard and LIFE. I also saw that catch a fish game. All these three are the games that I remember playing as a child. So much so that I was tempted to buy these games and get them back. But I did not. I will come back to it.

The point is, I did not know that I would have such a strong association with these two board games! I could vaguely remember being sad when one of the pegs in the LIFE broke. I remember playing Scotland Yard but not being good with it.

Ok, I dont have much to write about these two. I thought I would have.

Coming to what I had parked, I wanted to buy those games and hoard them at my place but I decided against it. I told myself that I would get those games cos I could never have enough of them while growing up and now they need to have a permanent place in my life. I even picked the box to take to the cash counter. But something came over me and I decided against that.

So I did well there. I dont want to be a hoarder because I did not have things while growing up. I want to use my money and space to have things that make my life better. I do not want to give in to emotional impulses.

3/ Doing things from AC offices

I wrote this in my Roam too.

For work, we were shooting a tiny thing for a client yesterday. And while we were doing that, I realised that I like to sit in an office and work. I dont want to be a part of what happens on the ground. I love the idea of making films but I am not willing to be on the set. I love the idea of running events but I dont want to see the setups or dismantles. I love the idea of running a restaurant but I dont want to see the kitchen. You get the drift.

Why?

Well cos on the ground, things take forever and that’s not cool!

Plus, yesterday was a tiring day. The previous night I hadn’t slept. I ate a lot. Keto went for a toss. Calorie deficit went for a talk. Was in the sun a lot. Travelled a lot. Took the train as well. And realised that age is catching up. Fast. Unless I do something about it. Something like better sleep!

So, two plus two, I like the idea of AC offices.

And with that, we are to the end of this post. Let’s see when I write next.

9 Aug 2024 – Morning Pages

A lot has happened since I last wrote these morning pages.

And thus, I think have a lot to talk about.

Let’s see how much of this lot converts into text once I start typing. It’s 9 AM and I have time till 10.

1/ Event at Goa

I managed an event in Goa over the last few days.

Each time I do an event, I realise how much I love this business of events. It offers everything I seek – people, money, instant gratification, showmanship, dopamine rush, adrenaline rush, travel, living in the moment, sprint (not marathon) and more.

I wish I could do more of these. In fact, each time I do an event, I wonder why I dont do more of those.

Sigh!

2/ Apatradaanam

I met someone over the weekend in Goa and he talked about Apaatradanam. Read it as a-paatra-daanam.

Handwriting of Shreya.

Loosely translated, this means, “charity directed at people that don’t deserve”.

Now, if you know me, you would know of my ideas of paying it forward. And that too without any expectation of returns or payback. And I’ve done this even when I was unable to even run my home.

Lately, however, I’ve started to think a lot about how I want to spend my time and energy. And this concept of Apaatradanam makes a lot of sense. I’d love to support folks that are deserving!

Now, this deserving is a subjective thing. And the only judge / jury of the deservingness of these people is, well, me. And I dont think this is fair. I will eventually find a way to make it fair. Any ideas anyone?

Oh, and I hereby declare that I will not give to places, folks, causes and other things that dont deserve. If you see me giving to those, please point out and stop me.

PS: In case you’d like to subscribe to this blog 🙂

3/ Amex Plat Charge

The want for this card has been as high as the want for Birkins. And since I was a kid. I’ve looked at it wistfully each time I see someone else sporting it. Each time I passed by an Amex lounge, I longed for it. I knew that at 60K a year, this was probably the most expensive thing I could get. I know if I ever get it, it would be vanity and nothing else. I would laugh at people who have this card (and other such signs of vanity).

And yet, I got it!

This is one of the most foolish decisions I’ve made in my entire life. And I am ok with it. The happiness lasted all of 1 microsecond (when I held it for the first time) and since then, I’ve started to sort of hate it? I mean not hate it but I have this buyer’s remorse.

But then, I was reminded of these lines about shauq. And this is a rare thing I’ve done for shauq.

Also, while I was thinking about this, I was reminded of all the bucket lists, wish lists and all those that I had made when I was younger.

I think I need to bring those back. Meanwhile, here is one for your viewing pleasure 😀

Ofc, there are times when I think that at my age, I should be thinking of pooja-paathh and not finding outlets for my shauqs. But then, am human :D. Oh and in case you want a card for yourself, use this link 😀

4/ C4E and Friends

PS: I wrote this bit with the help of Flow.
PPS: Published a slightly edited version of this on LinkedIn. Read at https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7227556269274914817/

I am a very, very big believer in expanding my network. And I do that by building a lot of loose connections. And with those loose connections, I hope that at some point in time, those connections actually become a little more warm and a little more close. And then those warm and close connections help me get work for me and my team. Essentially, I try to be present everywhere on the internet. To the point that I once asked an intern to put me on various WhatsApp groups. I am digressing.

Coming back.

The other I was thinking, what if I create a group called C4E and friends and add people who are well-wishers of C4E there?

These “friends” are people that give me work. These are the people that give me ideas. These are the people that show me the path when I’m lost. And these are the people that I can hang out with when I have no one else to. Think village, but a larger one.

What if I can build a community of people who are supporting C4E in its mission of being a world-changing org? And like with most things, I started by making a WhatsApp group (and not by booking a domain this time around).

I have floated the idea and the group link around in the last few days. I’ve had mixed response. Not many like the idea. In fact, not a lot of folks from my own village like it. And no, I have not yet opened it up. But the more I think about it, the more I am warming to the idea of doing it. Maybe I will action it today.

Eventually, the idea is to make this group a safe space where everybody will be connected to each other. There’ll be a directory that would have details on work, city, interests etc. Think of a professional networking opportunity, brought to you by C4E. On this group, each person would propel each other up.

So that!

What do you think?

Would you join?

5/ Accountability and Responsibility

The other day I read something about accountability and responsibility and I realised that I am accountable at best (and not responsible) and in case I need to get ahead in life, I need to be responsible!

Here’s the original piece…

I am not sure of the source. In case you find it, please lemme know.

The thing is, I need to work hard to be responsible!

So this is it.
For the day.
Let’s see when I write next.