Wk 42-25 – Weekly Notes

Updates from Week 41 and 42 of 2025.

5:30 PM. Oct 18, 2025, Starbucks, Versova.
6:40 AM. Oct 19, 2025, Mumbai Airport.
6:30 PM. Oct 19, 2025, Home (DG).

So, I am back to writing these notes after a week.

The last two weeks have not been the best and I a lot of it was things that I couldnt control. The good part is that I was travelling and I was reading (I read Morgan Housel’s new book; more on that later). And thus I was ok.

I think there’s a lot to unpack today. So, lets get going.

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💭 Highlights, reflections and notes from the past week

PS: As always, these are not in any order.

A/ Most thanked person in Oscar Acceptance Speeches
I was talking to AD and someone else and I happened to mention that one of the lifegoals is to impact lives of so many people at such large level that I get to compete with Steven.

For context, Steven Spielberg is THE most thanked person at the Oscars.

Spielberg is THE most thanked person in Oscar acceptance speeches.

I would love to be in this club some day! I mean can you imagine the effort and the hard work it would’ve taken for a Steven to have these many people in gratitude?

Oh, and apart from just this, I would like to be in the acknowledgements page of books and biographies. So far, I am in a few and I would want to have chapters dedicated in there. And no, the point is not a shot at legacy or immortality, but at enabling more people do more.

And this reminds me of another tweet that I saw…

Tweets from MJS’ handle delete and thus had to take a screenshot.

Peter Keating anyone? SoG?

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B/ Postcard Club.
Another idea from Thej that I am stealing.
Read his post here.

The premise is simple. I will send postcards, with stamps and all that to folks who opt-in to receive it. And at some point in time, I would invite other folks to send postcards to more people. And then we shall see where it goes.

Here are the first two postcards I sent.

From a restaurant in Goa.

In case you want to be a part of this club, DM me. And disclaimer – like most things that I think a lot about, there are no guarantees that I will do this.

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C/ Morgan Housel’s Art of Spending Money
Read this book over the last few days.

Way too many notes.
Underlined a large part of the book.

A lot of what I read, I knew that already but there was a lot of reaffirmation and at times that’s the value of what you read. And since a lot of words were clustered together in the book and I was in the thinking zone, the reading was even more impactful. I think thats the point of reading books. Dense content about one topic. And reinforcement of the same via multiple examples and stories and chapters.

I think I will write an entire post on this, assuming I get time. I even did a YT live today. Not so happy but I did it and here it is.

On the live, at the peak, I 6 people joining in. At some point, I want to have a lot more people listening in. Not because I crave for an audience but because I want a platform large enough for me to have a large impact in life.

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D/ 43
The other day, someone asked they wanted to create a meetup of young people. And I commented on it and said, if 43-year olds are allowed and young at heart are welcome I would love to be in.

Right after I posted this, I feel awkward and weird and sad. It sucked that I am having to justify that age is a number. I think it’s about time I accept that I am a never-was.

So that!

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E/ AI Film Festival
Some kids are doing this AI Film Festival in Mumbai.
And wow.
Many emotions.
Here’s a list.

  • We had the same idea at C4E but we couldn’t do it. This is nothing but a slap on the face. I need to build a stronger muscle for action. Plus I need to inspire my people to do more. And do so faster. And ensure that we followup on action. And I want to encourage them to think larger. Each thing we start, we start with a small vision. I encourage that. And I want to change it.
  • I love the fact that AI is democratizing otherwise gatekept industries. Of course incumbents will catch up and bring things back to the mud but some new folks will arrive, shine and make hay!
  • My bachpan ka want of making films resurfaced. I made attempts with Red Carbon. But I was unable to sustain the partnership. I was very very hopeful when we did the tnks trailer. But I was unable to inspire my people to actually do. Maybe I should start taking matters and things in my own hands and being a pesky boss?
  • Glad that someone is doing it. Even better that young people. More power to them and other young folks. I am so very often reminded that so many young people are so fearless and so action oriented and so resourceful that I am often left ashamed and gawking at their greatness. Must surround myself with more young people.

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F/ Updated the Vision Board
Here.
Not open for public access.
Made update in the Wheel of Life and while I did that, I realised that this is the tiniest I’ve been in my life!

Here’s the template that you may want to use to fill yours.

Saw this first on a Tony Robbins video

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G/ Made a list of Regrets in life. Here.
This is WIP at this time.
Will evolve this as I go along.

The idea is that I want to live an open life and I want to not hide anything about myself from anyone at anytime. And this must include the goods and the bads, and the highs and the lows, the wins and the losses and everything in the middle.

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H/ Theatre
One of the things I really enjoy in life, is, to indulge in theatre. You know, live performances.

While I love the feeling sitting face to face with the performers, I dont understand why the theatre artists invest their time and energy in theatre. Each ticket is like 200 bucks and even on great days, you hardly get some 100 people in the audience. So, a crew of 10 will make like 20K per show. And if they were to divide all the money between them (not even the expenses), they would get like 2K per day. And it’s pittance!

I dont get why people so this.

I asked some of my friends. And the answers weren’t very convincing. There are two plausible ones.

Someone mentioned that its the pitstop needed to get to Bollywood. But even in that, the possibility of a great outcome is like negligible. The returns are way too asymmetric to be logical about it!

Someone else mentioned that its the way of life and the purest artwork there is. Again, I am not convinced about that. I am sure there are other means to feel alive?

Neither is convincing enough to me. Any clues?

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I/ Focus
One of these days, on my way back from Starbucks, I was walking with C and we were reflecting about life and all.

I popped a question.

If I were to look at 100 of the most successful people in the world and we listed top 5 traits that they had, at the most I will get a list of 500 traits and if there is a perfect overlap of traits, I would have 5 traits only.

I asked some LLMs about and this is what they had to say. So, lets say there are 20 traits that are shared by a lot of successful people.

Here is a list I made (a combination of what I learnt from AI and from my intuition).

I can say with a large certainty, that the list of traits would have things like hard work, ambition, focus, creativity, persuasion, discipline, growth mindset, perseverance, people skills, confidence, self-belief, humility and all that. 

And then I said to myself, I seem to have almost ALL of these and yet I am not even a mild success. I even tweeted about it.

I could make a mental nod against each thing and I could demonstrate actions and all against each. Except one.

Focus.

I’ve been told since I was child that I am way too all over the place and I need to focus. And I have strongly objected to any sort of focus ever. I have laughed at people who’ve told me to focus. I have even blamed it on my undetected ADHD.

And maybe, just maybe, I will focus on focus!

Lol!

So, may be, I will focus and see what I would achieve if I did one thing for one year.

PS: The effort on Meru has been as focussed as they come – I have not thought about anything else since late last year. While it is not yet any close to success but thanks to HT, MK, KP, VS and others, I am certain that it would be LARGE!

Bonus: Here’s my library of quotes around focus.

Bonus 2: Here’s a list of my values, as suggested by friends and others.

Bonus 3: Another tweet from a D2C founder.

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J/ Self Cringe
Riya has been working hard to help me build distribution. And its incredible how much effort that young girl is putting! I am beyond inspired! Yet another case of young people doing superhuman things that make you wide eyed!

The only trouble is, I get cringed out each time I see myself.

For starters, I don’t like to see my face. And then a deeper reason – I’ve not done anything large or substantial to be able to give gyaan to people. Plus I am making tall promises to “teach” people to do more. I am not sure if this is correct!

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K/ Mahabharata Series has crossed 25 posts
A few days ago, I promised that I will write a post a day on linkedin. And I thought it would be a good idea to write about management lesson from Mahabharata. It would kill many birds.

Some are…

  • I would get to explore Mahabharata as a subject. I love it and this will force me to carve time to read more, discuss more and think more.
  • I will get the daily writing Riyaaz.
  • I will get to build my distribution on linkedin – something that I’ve thought a lot about.
  • I will meet more people via this.

And somehow, I’ve been very very consistent with it. Yesterday I posted the 26th update. This link has all posts.

But, the series is not performing well. I have not seen a bumper jump in my followers. There are hardly any comments or shares. I havent made new connections.

Maybe I need to accept that I dont write well?

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L/ SG’s Patrons. AKA LifeIPO
I’ve been thinking about Patrons and 1000 True Fans. And I think I am ready to take the experiment to the next stage. See this tweet.

A few weeks ago, I asked for 1000 bucks a month, in exchange of gratitude. I got two subscribers (Prak and Shruti). Now I want to offer a 1% of my life for 10 lakhs. You pay me 10 lakhs to get one share of my life (there are a total of 100 shares outstanding) and you get 1% of my time here on (you must use it yearly) and 1% of my future earnings and assets. Imagine if I become a billionaire, your 1% could be worth 10 million.

Think of this as any startup raising money. You have an idea. You peg that idea to a value. Then you add execution risk on top of it. And then you invest in the idea. That!

I am yet to get into specifics (risks, reputation, relationships, liquidity, legality etc) but I am warming up to the idea.

What do you think?

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M/ Grok’s interpretation of my content
I asked Gork to analyse my recent tweets. This is what it had to say.

I love how we can use these tools to spot patterns. Over the next few days I want to use more tools to discover more about me. At some point in time I want to explore the possibility of having my second brain uploaded on the internet and then analyse data from there on.

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N/ Goa
I was in Goa almost after a year. This time around, I spent more time going out to the temples, local beaches, eating at vegetarian restaurants, and all that. I didnt do any of my regular things. And that made me realise a few things. Here’s a list.

  • I love modern conveniences and comforts. And this means I would want to be at places that have reliable connectivity, fast internet, public transport, high-trust economy and a density of great talent.
  • I am not a naturist. I do not get excited by beaches or greens or mountains or anything like that. If need be, I would like to be in not so extreme weathers.
  • I love vibrance around me. So, I can not be at a place that is secluded.
  • I am an early bird. I love places that are open early. Once Mumbai starts 24X7 operations, I will find cafes that are open at 430 AM and make them into my havens.

As I start to think about where I want to live, these things are at the top of my head!

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O/ Fear of Flying
I would have taken at least 500 flights in life, if not 1000. And I’ve taken them in all sorts of planes (including helicopters) for all sorts of durations (from 30 minutes to 14 hours) and since 2005 (I think my first flight was from Del to Blr, though I am not sure). And I’ve experienced all kinds of turbulence and even air pockets. Though I’ve never had oxygen masks deployed and I have never been on slides.

And I have not been afraid ever. In fact, I would find excuses to get onto flights to give people hugs!

However, lately, I am afraid to fly. What if the plane goes down? I know the odds of that are a one in a million or whatever but when that one occurrence happens, the loss is 100%!

I am afraid that if that happens, it would be such a colossal waste of life and a stupid way to go! I anyway have mixed feelings towards the concept of death (I know its important but I dont get the reason why we spend so much time and effort and energy to learn things and then when the times comes to capitalise on it and be of service to the world, your time is almost up).

Ok, I digressed. The point is, I have this thing deep in the pit of my stomach or conscious or whatever each time I have to fly. And this is a new feeling! And no, I don’t enjoy this. I have wanted to live my life free of fear. And in chase of excitement and adventure. This fear bit is not core to my identity! And I need to work on it and change it.

PS: I am writing this from a comfortable, business class seat of a fairly new Air India plane and from my seat I saw that there are three pilots in the cockpit – all three fit and alert and had their spines straight, including the lady who’s the captain on this flight. So, I am hopefully safe on this one!

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I had imagined I would have a lot more to write. But clearly I dont.

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📷 Some Photos from the week gone by

Some photos that I took and saved in the last two weeks are here. And if I had to pick one, I would say, this would be it…

I was in Goa and sent this postcard to AK and C. Will start a postcard club soon!

Show me some of your photos?

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🈺 LARGE objective from the week gone by?

I had two large things when I started this year. Book 2 and a yearly plan (that I’ve been writing for a long time. This year I couldn’t). And I just added health a few weeks ago.

Book 2 – There was no movement.
Nothing to report.

Yearly Plan – I dropped it long ago.
Now its time to think about the plan for the next year. Lol.

Health – I have made small changes in how I eat and what I eat. I am also walking more. I did some 5 pushups a couple of days. I now take stairs. Small steps. Nothing large. But I remain committed. I will ensure that come November, I am a gym and I am running.

PS: I track my health updates here, in case.

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☑️ So, what did I get done last week?

This is a one-line report on progress I made on various things that are important to me. I will only talk about things that I got done. Shipped. Not WIP.

  1. Health
  2. Meru
  3. C4E
  4. Brand SG
  5. People (Family, Friends, Strangers, etc)
  6. Book2
  7. Shauk (Music, Films, Poker etc)

Health. Was a bad one. All over the place. Not just the physical health but also mental health. So, a -1.

Meru. Incredible progress. LOVE the hard work being put in by all the people. I wish I knew this team earlier. Most days I am left in awe of all that we do, despite everything. Oh, still no launch. And thus a 0.

C4E. No action from my side. No comments. A 0.

Brand SG. Riya has been shipping consistently. I am not sure I like how things are going out. I would let that continue till end of this month. And then take a call. I would give this a +1. Only because of Riya.

People. No action on this. 0.

Book 2. Nothing. -1.

Shauk. No action. No time. But not beating myself over it. So, 0.

So the overall score for the week is -1

Few weeks ago, I had decided that I want to get a positive score each week. I had to organise my life but I havent been able to. I will try in the coming week. Will report once I do.

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📊 The tracker from the last week

Here is the tracker for the last two weeks…

Tracker from weeks 41 and 42

The last two weeks have been tough. And I have fallen off the radar. I am not keeping up on what I am eating, neither am I being good when it comes to tracking. I am on the road next week as well. And I expect similar all-over-the-place-ness.

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🏃🏻‍♂️‍➡️ Health

I added Health as a key section some days ago. I am still discovering what to cover here. Let’s see how it goes.

I read somewhere that you need 4 things to live long – sleep, exercise, diet and community. I will track all four. And then some more variables that I feel are important to me. Let’s see what comes out. Also, I log a few things at these links – food log, my daily health log channel.

This week, I am skipping reporting on this as for the last two weeks, this has been all over the place.

Will get back to this after the Diwali week.

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📖 Interesting Reads / Views

Since this is for two weeks, I have a LOT of links to share. I am thinking how to fit all these here and make things useful. Lemme try.

And no, not in any order.

1/ This is an incredible read. Titled, “Taylor Swift, Sora, and Slop vs. Substance”, I dont want to give you a TLDR on this one (hint, it talks of Taste as well). Touches many interesting facets.

2/ This piece from Finshots talks about how and why Rakesh Gangwal chose to step away from Indigo. Must read how people still stand for principles in this day and age. While on this, also read this piece on the friendship of the two founders.

3/ Harnidh is soon evolving into my favorite Internet writer. She wrote about PR-FAQ. Incredible read. Here.

4/ This piece about Prashant Kishore tells me that he charges 11 crores for 2 hours. I refuse to believe that he added that much value! 

5/ This document talks about maxims from Kunal Shah. Which is your favorite?

6/ One of the BEST investigative reads that I’ve read in a while. I think I would love to build something GFM once I get to a point when I have enough. Do read.

7/ This piece from New Yorker talks about how all of us have started to think the same. Prak would love this piece. This is also the reason why all apps seems to look similar (have you noticed those purple websites?) and there is this insane use of em-dashes?

8/ Kevin Kelly, in yet another incredible essay makes a very convincing argument on why he wants AI to read his books. Read here.

9/ Kuldeep (or KD, as he is known all over the internet) wrote about the history of Whatsapp. Incredible read. He writes so well that I want to get him to quit everything and and just write! Another bonus read from him is this.

10/ This ad by Apple caught my eye. To a point that I want to embed this here.

11/ This hierarchy of “traits” of a top-performer is incredible. Do see.

12/ This piece about impatience and sense of urgency. I’ve read so much about this that I dont know how to not work at speed. And yet…

13/ Each thing from Ashutosh Rana, I dig! In this video, he talks about what made him do things that he did. I wish I had more folks who would listen to me. And I need to find a way to meet more young people.

There was a time when I would get a lot of people write into me. Lately that flow has died. And I need to restart that. Somehow.

Do see this.

14/ This piece by the creator of Oatmeal about AI and Art. Very very interesting read. He says, “consuming AI art is like eating styrofoam”. He goes onto make a lot of more convincing arguments about how and why AI is good or bad.

15/ If you are young, in your 20s, this piece of advice by the CEO of Palantir is incredible. Read here.

He says,

I’ve never met someone successful who had a great social life at 20. If that’s what you want, that’s great. But you’re not going to be successful, and don’t blame anyone else.

I cant say I agree to this (who am I to agree – I am not successful)

16/ This intro of Steve. Uff. Here.

17/ This post about what makes YC, YC.
For all the hate it gets, I love that they’ve been able to institutionalize starting up. I would love to go thru it. I mean I may not be able to anymore, age is not on my side. But I love them and their impact.

18/ This piece by Karthik about the public outcry from the founder of LuluLemon (Chip Wilson) about how that company has lost direction is a must read.

19/ I’ve been thinking a lot about Punit Pania and his work. Saw this insta reel and had to share.

Phew!

I am left wondering, what is the point of all these links. I get like three people to read these. Unless I find a way to internalise these. No?

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🧠 Reminders from last week

This section captures things that I want to not forget. I add those to SG’s Office. I will copy paste these week on week and track updates.

I’ve been skipping this for a while now.
Lets see when I get back to this.

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🥡 So, one thing that defines the past week?

Unsettling.

There is no other word that I would use for the two weeks gone by. Close people have quit on me, I have fallen off the grid, I am not taking notes, not reflecting on life and things, money seems to be a problem, fitness is a problem. I mean, each thing that I can think of seems to be not working for me!

I hope I am back in black soon.

Oh and in the previous weeks, the one-word reviews have been… Regular, Grind, Sad, Tough, Routine, Routine, Busy, Grind, Blur, Stress, Numb, Blur, Fast, Uncool, Disappeared, Experience, Grind, Busy for Nothing, Regular, Getting back to action, Slack, Busyness, Action, Survive, Looking Up, Survival, Taste, Community, Respect, Money, People.


Phew!
Lemme know what you think.
See you around.

Oh, and this too shall pass!

PS: This series of posts is inspired by Thej and his weekly notes.

The previous editions are here: 0102030405060708, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 23, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 373839, 40

I’ve missed the following weeks: 9, 15, 17, 22, 24, 41

PPS: Please do point typos.
Grammarly is not working with WordPress and I don’t have energy to cut paste edit this in some other spell check thing.

PPPS: In case you see me being inconsistent in anything – work, writing, reviews etc, PLEASE do point out.

Mild Success vs Wild Success

What do you want to be? A mildly successful person? Or a wildly successful one that has made a dent?

This is a rehash of an old SoG Letter that I wrote way back in Jan 2019. Original here.

This post is inspired by two things. 

A. This tweet. Link.

The tweet is a quote by NN Taleb and it says, “Mild success can be explainable by skills and labor. Wild success is attributable to variance.”

Side Note. NN Taleb is one of the most influential thinkers of contemporary times. His concepts on Black Swan, Antifragile and Skin in the Game have shaped my thinking and my approach to work. Oh, and I have the rare distinction of being blocked by him! 

B. A conversation with AS that made me think hard about the kind of things I want to do in life. He asked me what was my grand plan for life. And while I have thought often and thought hard about this, I was for the first time that I could put it in words. Thank You, AS for asking that question.

So, while thinking of the answer, I knew that I wanted to be a Wildly Successful person (and not just a mildly successful one).

And what is this Wildly Successful person?

Lemme start by defining the two. 

Mild success is a few millions, some cars, luxurious life, respect from your peers, considerable impact within your community and so on and so forth.

Example?
CEOs like Indira Nooyi. These people rest on the laurels of an organisation where they “work” and paddle carbonated water. 

Wild success is billions, irreverence for cars or luxury, actions that impact the whole of humanity and like Steve said, the ability to push the human race forward!

Example?
CEOs like Steve Jobs. These people actually created products that have enabled almost all creative people to do more. 

Thing is, Indira Nooyi could do so well because she was and is smarter than your average business executive and she worked really hard and stayed on the course. Most of my classmates from MDI would chart the same path to being mildly successful. They are smart, work hard and are on their way to the top of their corporate ladders. By itself, it’s not a wrong thing, to be honest. Who doesn’t like 2 cars, 2 houses, 2 kids, 2 house helps, 2 club memberships et al?

But then, this life is not for me.

I’d rather be Steve. Steve Jobs could get wildly successful because of what he worked on, how he worked, the kind of things he did, the decisions he made and all that gave him that shot at sending the ball out of orbit (and not just the park). And while he did all that, he had his quirks, he lived life on her terms, and he chase things that he believed were right. And along the way, inspired others.

Of course, he got lucky. Numerous times. Luck had to play a part in his wild success but the path he was on was not going to ever make him just mildly successful. It was either going to be wild. Or it was going to take him to ruin. Something Elon stands for. Even Warren for that matter.

So that!

Wait. Is there a lesson? Is there a point to this post?

So, the lesson thus ladies and gents is twofold. 

A. Understand what kind of success you chase. Wild. Mild.
I know I do. You? 

B. Once you know what you are chasing (mild or wild), if you are chasing, look at what others in the same league (mild or wild) did and then tread the same path.

It is that simple! Rest is a function of effort, consistency, time, luck and variance. Over and out!

Lemme know what you think.

PS: When I thought about I'd like to become wildly successful and when I thought about the kind of people I think I want to become (I will not get into details but some people that I want to be like are Chris Sacca, Tim Ferriss, Naval Ravikant, Jason Calacanis, Chamath Palihapitiya and others), I realised that there is a clear pattern. These people have a LOT in common. Here's a small list... 

- Great deal-making ability
- Envious network. Especially, a large set of loose connections that are willing to look past the biases that close friends may have
- Ability to communicate well
- The knack of spotting trends
- A very big bias towards action
- High-agency

I am sure there are more things that I can't spot right now. Just that to be able to create this variance that takes from your mild to wild, you ought to at least have what these guys have. Get the drift?

200821 – Morning Pages

Quick update that I am not even sure that counts as morning pages. I am supposed to start my day with these but I did not.

10:03! Really.

This is probably the most late I’ve been on morning pages. Multiple things are at play. Woke up late. Client calls that I couldn’t avoid. Work calls that I could not avoid. And then general fuckery in life and all. But der aaye, durust aaye.

So, yesterday was quite ok. The day was ok. Did some yoga. Did some work. Slacked a bit. Walked a bit. Met Prak. Gave away things that she owned. Packed another bag. Couldn’t go to the beach. Which is ok. If I could only eat less, it would’ve been perfect!

Today looks like a busy day. Not too many calls but quite a few things need to be done. Let’s see when I get those done. Once I am done with those, I need to finish whatever is left to pack. I plan to move this weekend. Let’s see.

In things at the top of my head, I am thinking about something that’s been gnawing at me for long. My inability to create a roaring success. Lemme spend a min on this. There are two kinds of successes – mild and wild. Mild – comfortable house, pension, a loving family, and all that. Wild – change the world kinds. I crave wild success more than anything else in the world. And I am yet to even see even a glimpse of mild success. I can’t even put myself and wild success in one sentence. I want it so bad that I am willing to give an arm and leg for that. Really. I can. I will, if someone shows me the way!

Side Note: Read my SoG on mild success vs wild success.

I do know that there’s some variance needed for wild success. And that may happen today, tomorrow. Or never. But I am surprised that even mild hasn’t happened to me. Plus, saw this yesterday and was triggered…

This popped on my browser.

I do think I am smart.
I do think that I am resourceful.
Ok, I may be a dreamer but I do think I have the chops needed to make it rich and see mild success, if not wild.

And yet I dont have.
Ankit Pandey tells me that “Dhan yog aur rajyog ki dasha nahi aai hai. Simple.”

But then, the question remains, kab aaegi ye dasha?

So let’s see. If you believe in God, or Universe or whatever, please pray that I get to it soon. A lot needs to be done in life 😀

The other thing that I need to capture for posterity is that I reached out to Team MML and shared with them what I am going thru. These boys are like the last resort that I can confide in. I mean who else will I go to? Anyhow. So, even though most of us don’t talk anymore as much as we should, it was really comforting to have a set of people that trust me, that will not judge me for all my failures and shortcomings. I wish I had was better at making and retaining friends.

That’s about it for the time being. I hope I am not this late next time on.

Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 0. Ate 10 times. 10 things 🙁
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 162
  • #noCoffee – 5. Wow! Let’s see if I can make it without coffee till Nov.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 659 (and bought three flight tickets)
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0. Havent done as yet.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 252

P.S.: Technically morning pages had to be the first thing I do in the morning. Today I did not. So technically my streak is gone :(. But then, I did publish this in the first half. So, cutting myself slack 😀

030821 – Morning Pages

A longish post on the darkness in my head and the light shown by the story of Richard Williams.

5:41. Woke up a few minutes ago.
Saw Whatsapp first thing in the morning.
Saw a video by Vijay Yadav. This one.

Then I saw Nobody’s trailer on AnSr’s recommendation. Here…

Almost cummed in my shorts. I mean the team from John Wick + Saul (aka Bob) + Music + Visual Delight. Wow.

Also, this is the second film since yesterday that I have been tripping over. The first one is King Richard sent by VG.

This film is based on the life of Richard Williams (better known as Venus and Serena’s father). King Richard touched me like no other film has, in the recent past. I mean it talks about an ambitious man that wants to see success through the success of his daughters. Will come back to this film in a bit. Lemme park it here. Point A.

So, I feel human after two days.

Human as in, physically, there are no lingering pains anywhere in the body. I feel refreshed, energized, and all that. It was probably aided by the fact that I have been resting last two days. I had slept at 10:30. So good 7 hours of sleep. Or maybe because I did not eat crap yesterday. Whatever worked yesterday, I hope it works today as well.

In contrast to this feeling of greatness in the morning, yesterday was bad. So bad that it was probably the darkest of the last few days. It may sound like hyperbole but I could only survive because of two things – 1, Naval. 2, my ambition. Will come back to this in a bit. Parked point B.

So, for some reason (money situation primarily), I spent all of yesterday questioning my life choices. I mean where I am is an outcome of the choices I’ve made and the way I’ve acted on those choices. Clearly, I did not do a good job at either (choices and actions). If things were bad just at work / career front, I would still be ok. But things have been pathetic at other ends also. Lemme share a chart that I maintain on my vision board. I don’t think I’ve ever made this public. But here it is. As of today morning.

A screengrab from my Vision Board

I don’t know where I found this chart from but I think it’s a great way to evaluate and measure where life is. And you can then reflect on what needs fixing. On my chart, I can see that I am failing at all 8 important things in life. The only saving grace is my family (and even on that, I choose to live away from my parents).

Of course, like any other thinking, feeling, evaluating individual, I want to fix these. And these dark days are occurring frequently and like Steve would say, if things arent good for a few days on the trot, maybe it’s the time to change those. Let’s see what I change. And how. And when.

Lemme talk about King Richard.

Coming to Parked Thing A, King Richard.

Here. See this. In case you haven’t.

I could relate so much to King Richard. I had tears flowing when I saw the trailer. I bet the film will win all the awards there are! I wager that it would get at least 10 Oscars.

It is after all a story of one man’s fight against odds, the chase of impossible, trust, faith, patience, hard work, grit and more. Oh, and of ambition.

For all the use of the word ambition in my head, thoughts, and actions, I am as big a failure as they come. To a point that it hurts. And it’s suffocating.

The days when I am not busy with the general humdrum of life, you know, the days when you can take a pause and think? Those days I spiral so bad into the literal abyss that I take literally a week to get out of. I must admit that the days I go AWOL on friends and family, I am not physically unwell. Rather I am suffering from dark thoughts about where I want to in life and how far away from that I am. In terms of money wealth, impact, reach, work, fame, notoriety, even fitness. And the worse is that from where I stand, I don’t see things improving at all.

As I age, these bouts of dark days are happening with more frequency (I know I’ve said this already) and it takes longer to get out of those. The escape mechanism I had of taking a car and hitting the road is no longer a viable option. The other escaping method was to eat like a mad man, switch off the phone, and sleep. Even that doesn’t help anymore.

This is where I lean on what I learned from Naval. Will come to it in a bit. I want to stay with King Richard right now.

So, the other thing that I picked from King Richard is the reinforcement of the belief that I will probably not be a massive success as an individual. Rather I may be cut for being that person in the shadows, the one that works with these superstars and shapes them. You know, someone that sees their success come to life via others. In Richard’s case, it was his daughters. In my case, I am not sure. I mean I do have a few young ones that I am investing into. But I am still far from seeing them reach anywhere. I just hope that I don’t end up like Vikramaditya in Sur. Anyhow. Who cares.

I like the idea of enabling others. I just hope I am able to contribute to their lives and make superstars and massive successes off them.

The other thing that I want to talk about, from King Richard, is this entire thing about giving a hard time to the ones that are working for you. Remember Whiplash? I mean the entire premise is this hard-love for talented apprentices. Of course, I remain conflicted about what I take away from that. On one side, I like the idea of hard work, determination, sacrifice to achieve what you potentially can. And on the other, I know that mental health issues are real, especially with the dopamine-laced brains of kids around us. After I saw King Richard, I think I am leaning towards being a tough mentor. But then, to be one, do I have what a Richard had? Or Fletcher?

I dont know. Time shall tell.

Parked Thing B. Lessons from Naval Ravikant.

Lemme talk about Naval and Ambition.

So I read this tweet from Naval that said something like this – you can’t control your thoughts but you can observe them and choose to react to those.

Yesterday was one such day. When I was mindfucked. Probably because I was unwell and there were other things playing on my head. So I went walking. I walked real slow. I did like 5K steps in 2 hours. And while I walked I did not have a companion with me. You know, things like phone calls, music, videos, chess and more. I did not even pause to take photos that I’ve been trying to last few days. I merely watched my thoughts. And I tried not to react to the non-stop dark thoughts about my inability to do things. Or my inability to hold onto friends / relationships etc. I merely observed the thoughts as they came and went. It was tough considering I had to observe traffic in / around Lokhandwala as well. Lol. Bad timing.

So I while I was observing my thoughts, my head kept swirling back to the definition of success that I want to live my life with. You know, the outcome of ambition. It dawned on me that I believe success is the long-forgotten Kabir Das ka doha. It goes…

Saain itna dijiye, jaame kutumb samaay, main bhookha naa rahoon, sadhu na bhookha jaaye

Kabir the poet

Further, here are the things that I thought would look like success.

Mastery over time. When I can be the master of my time with 100% certainty. Right now, I am at about 5% in terms of how I plan my life and time. Long way to go.

Financial Freedom. When I no longer work for money. And I can choose to work on things that I want to, even if I am not rewarded for those things. Right now, I am in debt. So far far away from financial freedom.

Plus, I do not have those ambitions where I want to reduce consumption, etc. I really want a lavish life with all comforts and all that. I want to be able to buy anything from anywhere without thinking about the cost / price.

Giant with a shoulder. When I can support others around me with whatever they need / want. And then I want to help others in whatever way I can!

That’s it. Three things.
Wow, that simple!

Funnily, as I think and write about this, family (my family, not my parents) doesn’t feature in this. Maybe I will change with time. And my personal goals of Everest, Marathon, etc do not fit in here as well. Hmm. Funny.

So yeah.

This is about it from the walk yesterday. A lot of this was probably triggered by King Richard. And by the general failure that I’ve been. Films do have power like no other. Must must must fastrack the non-existent films career. Come on, Universe!

I guess this is about it for the day. Realized, I’ve been writing for almost 2 hours now! Oh, and here’s streaks…

  • OMAD – 1
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 145
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had two.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 30 + 232. Adding this from today on.
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 2
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 235