Tag: Marcus Aurelius

Wk 13-25 – Weekly Notes

Notes and thoughts from Week 13, 2025

Morning!
At this time, its 9:05 AM and I am waiting for AK to finish reading highagency.com. And then she and I will record the next episode of Adulting Podcast. And then I have a bunch of things to do and then I have a lunch with Paras. And then I have some work. And I will find time in between all these to write this piece.

So, with that, let’s go!

🈺 The LARGE objective from the week gone by? And the next week!

I was to work on the 2025 plan and Book 2.

Like last week, I didnt make any progress on either. I do have a few reasons and excuses on why I couldnt. I will not get into those. I will acknowledge that I didnt work. And I will try and do better in the coming week. So that.

Moving on…

☑️ What did I get done this week?

I will give a one-line report on things I got done on various things that are important to me. I will only talk about things that I got done. Shipped. Not WIP.

At this point, the following things are important to me (I know too many but…) and these are IN ORDER.

  1. Health
  2. Meru
  3. C4E
  4. Brand SG
  5. People (Family, Friends, Strangers, etc)
  6. Book2
  7. Shauk (Music, Films, Poker etc)

Health. I want to do 4 things here – eat better, sleep better, work on my muscles and generally by happy. In the week gone by, I did nothing. So -1 there.

Meru. A lot of action here. I cant talk about a lot of this. I even wore shoes 2 days in the week gone by! So yeah! But despite the action, am far from getting to the ideal state. So, I will give myself a 0.

C4E. Again, like Meru, I did a lot but nothing to show for. Luckily, Chandni is doing the heavy lifting on the revenue and everyone else is supporting her. On Labs, AK (and increasingly KP) are keeping the movement. I will give myself a 0.

Brand SG. I got a few emails as a result of work I had done in the previous weeks. So that was good. However I didnt take any action on it. So, a -1.

People. Did a few things. Got Bri some gifts. She knows about one. Doesnt know about the other. Plus, like last week, met a few people. Nothing large of consequence. So, a 0.

Book 2. No action. -1.

Shauk. No large action. Did catch the sunset. And thus, a 0.

So the overall score is -3 for this week. Same as last week.
Trends from the previous weeks: -3, -2, -1
The max I can get is 7 in a week. Let’s see when I get to it.

📊 The tracker from the last week

Here’s the tracker.

What do you notice?

For me, the highlights are…

  1. I’ve missed my daily twitter review. I need to try harder.
  2. I didn’t track money for a few days. This is largely because I had relatives over and with them I was loose with money.
  3. Sleep and recovery has largely been ok. I need to get more consistent though.
  4. I added a few rows (journals, OMAD etc). I plan to track those.

That’s it I think.

📷 Some Photos from the week gone by

Here are some photos from the week gone by.

Absolutely love some of these.
Do you want to guess which one?
Ping me on X.

📖 Interesting Reads from the last week

I bookmarked a lot. But I havent read a lot.
Nonetheless, I will capture those here.
At some time, I will have someone post these on larger platforms as well.

  1. What to do. By Paul Graham.
  2. This mile long essay on High Agency by George Mack. This is one of the most important pieces you will ever read.
  3. This essay from Anand never goes old. Do read it.
  4. Companionship Content by Anu Atluru. I love each thing she writes.
  5. Assorted links on how to get rich (thanks to AK for the prompt)
  6. Recurse Manual – This could actually be the future of SoG. And while you are at it, do read Late Checkout Story, Values at Bending Spoons, the Tiny Story, Lossfunk and other venture studios #currentThings
  7. Pradeep’s Note Taking Dilemma – here
  8. Made this list of tools I use – here
  9. Finshots on Ozempic in India – here
  10. Had to read about Frank Slootman but I did not.
  11. The Turner Diaries. Here.
  12. Gautam on how to capitalise a services compnay and reward people.

💭 Highlights, reflections and notes from the week.

Here are some from this week.

A/ AI
Faceless channel, content, code, design, creative services and dunno what all. A lot is on my mind, especially that one of my children is directly impacted by this. I will probably write a longer note some day. For the time being, AI remains at the top of my head. So that.

A.1/ Studio Ghibli
I hve to talk about this. I may not have an eloquent answer but for the first time in my life, since the AI revolution happened about us, I am feeling cheated. Enough said. May be I will do a solocast on this.

I also wrote this on my daily note on the 27th March…

The entire internet has gone bonkers over it. And I think it’s not a good thing. No, I am not resisting change. I am in-fact all for change. But I felt sad that the insane effort that all these artists at Ghibli put in to build art is now a commodity. On the internet, it will be a passing fad – people will make photos, try to look “cute”, make films and I dont know what all. But in the process, we will forget the hardwork that the artists would have put in.

Of course you can compare that to the work of writers and painters and coders. And surprisingly, I was ok when those were “displaced”. So little conflicted on that.

Nothing has changed since I wrote that.

B/ Bhiwandi
On Tuesday, I went to Bhiwandi to see some warehouses. While I went to a few only, the visit was eye opening. The suprising efficiency with whch things were moving around was jaw-dropping. I have heard about those at CynLr, I’ve seen documentaries, I’ve experienced it (QC) but I saw the engine like a living and breathing thing for the first time.

I am not sure I am big fan of how that’s working but it’s incredible. Has to be a highlight of my week.

C/ Meri.health
I got this message on my WA group where a gent from the first batch of IIT Delhi (Ramesh Ji) wants to do a public health startup. And I am unable to help him (I have a lot going for me). I tried to find someone who can help them but I was unable to. My heart goes out. I wish I could help them.

In fact, if you are someone who can help these folks, I would love to connect and even volunteer for a bit with you.

D/ Attention Span
Multiple people have told me multiple conversations that I have ADHD and I need to do something about it. I will start with meditation.

On the beach today, I will not use my phone at all. And I will fix this. #currentThings

E/ Eco Mode
I am gonna live in the Eco Mode from 1 April. The only expenses I would make would be towards work and health. Nothing else. No more gifts, no more “quality of life” improvements, nothing else. The idea is to extend the runway for as long as I can.

F/ Rejection
A candidate rejected me at Meru.

Here’s some backstory. When I interview someone, my approach is to dissuade them from joining me. Some people try to show you the rosy picture and good things and all that. I try to show you the worst things and then, despite that, you are keen on working with me, I am all heart.

This person rejected me. And that was not cool. I felt bad. Need to not feel bad when such conversations happen. Oh, the funny thing is that I’ve been rejected by people in the past and each time that happened, I didnt really feed bad. This one felt personal and hurt more. Dunno why.

G/ Nails
My nails havent been clipped in a while. And I need to find a way to do that. I dont like them dirty and there isnt any time to do that. I may do it today.

H/ Travel
I had decided that this year I will travel less. That is already not happening. I am staring at an upcoming trip to Bangalore (for health) and a trip to Bangkok (to meet Vivek and kids). I want to not do either. But I will have to. So that.

I/ This tweet. And People.
I wrote this in fit of rage. I absolutely hate when my people dont trust me. I want to write more but I will leave at it. I will write on my Roam and in my ecochamber but its important to capture that my heart has been broken so bad that I dont know what to do about it. No, I am not ok. But dont ask me about it. I just want to pour things here and someday when (and if) I write a biopgraphy, purely to leave lessons for people, I will talk more on it.

J/ The Order
More about it is here. Saw this last night. Loved it. Oh, and the writer of The Order (Zach Baylin) is also the writer for King Richard!

I saw a film after a while and I totally loved it. I must find more films and see those.

K/ Started Journaling.
After I saw a tweet (it was by Namya Khan and I cant find the link (thanks to Pradeep for sharing the link)). And this has been inspired by Marcus Aurelius.

L/ Lucky Ali
He’s been dropping bangers one after another on his YT channel. See some here. so many emotions. Lemme make a list.

  1. Why am I not producing this? Why am I not after Rabbi Shergill to make documentary on his life?
  2. He’s aged and clearly unable to sing well. It’s not good to see him in pain. On the other side, its incredible to see him try so hard!
  3. Things like music never go old. One must create art, even in the day and age of AI

On, and staying on music, I cant stop seeing this by Maithali Thakur. May be have a dekho.

M/ Purpose
On C4E Village, the other day we were taling about purpose and while talking, happened to say something increbile (at least I think so). That the world is a mirror. If you are unhappy, the world would look unhappy to you. If you are happy, the world would look happy. I further said…

“…am 42, failure, but instead of that making me sore – it inspires me to do more. more than a 24 year old. and not to any end. but to burn. on both sides. in a way that meri aag ka tez, mera prakash at least mere aas paas ke logo ki duniya ko roshan kar de and unki raah me ek streetlight ban jaaye. raah pe chalna unka kaam hai, mera hai raah ko roshan karna”

And I said…

“we make meaning in life when we make meaning in other people’s lives. the most content, happy, people are the ones that are either reading Naval or doing charas or helping others.”

And finally, my advice was…

“bina apne matlab ki duniya ki madad karo, kaafi swad aaega”

N/ Naman hit a personal money milestone.
Super happy about it!
More on it on my echochamber

M/ Other things that I want to capture but I may not spill too many words…
Not too many things to be honest. I have actually covered most of those in the text above!

Phew that was a lot for the week.

🧠 Reminders from last week

I am adding this section. To capture things that I want to not forget. I will copy paste these week on week and track updates.

Here are things from the past weeks that I want to remember. And no, this may not be a comprehensive list. In categories.

  1. Health
    • Kitchen setup
    • Gym membership
  2. C4E
    • C4E Base
    • Design
    • Borderless agency / Upwork
  3. Shauk / Personal
    • Poker
    • Better dressed SG
    • Use of money / time
    • Love
    • Demand more from life

In case you know me, lemme know if I have missed something.

🥡 So, one thing that defines the past week?

Action.

In the previous weeks, it’s been Survive, Looking Up, Survival, Taste, Community, Respect, Money, People.

—

Ok!
This is it for the week gone by. Late by a day. But it’s here. Yay!
Lemme know what you think.
See you around.

PS: This series of posts is inspired by Thej and his weekly notes. The previous editions are here: 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09 (missed), 10, 11, 12

PPS: This week, thankfully, I maintained a note where I would keep dumping things that I want to capture in my weekly note. I loved being mindful about this habit. I will continue with it.

A Benevolent Dictator

At C4E, I am going to adopt the leadership style of a benevolent dictator and this is my attempt at the rationale.

A few days ago I met this classmate from MDI that I hadn’t met since we passed out of there.

In these 18 years, he’s lost at least 18 KGs and I am guessing made more than 180 million dollars (in USD) as personal wealth. The first two numbers are real. The last number is my best guesstimate.

And thanks to his work, he’s got visibility with some of the most celebrated entrepreneurs from around the world. To the point that he knows many billionaires on a first-name basis. Which is great. But that’s not the point of this post. While talking, he used the term Benevolent Dictator.

And that is what the post is about.

Benevolent Dictator.

Of course, the term sounds fancy.

And it means fancy things as well.

And it looks fancy when looked at from the eyes of Chat GPT.

Chat GPT’s interpretation of a benevolent dictator

Back to my friend.

He explained what this term meant to him. And whatever he said made a lot of sense. I came back home and read more about it and I am so inspired by what I read that I am willing to change my leadership style!

If I were to define a benevolent dictator, I would lean on this definition I found online (I missed capturing the source)…

A ‘benevolent dictator’ does what he deems necessary ‘for the greater good’ of the state he rules over, or the nation he specifically belongs to. An ordinary ‘malevolent dictator’ has no such concerns and is only interested on keeping power on his hands for the kicks of it.

Source missing.

How would this awareness change me? What am I so inspired by?

Lemme try and explain and catalogue the changes that I would make in my life.

For starters, I am willing to admit that I am a leader (of at least C4E).

This is a far cry from what I’ve maintained all my life (that I am no leader per se and if at all I am one, I am at best a “servant leader” – a position of responsibility where my job is to support people in doing theirs well). I have never set directions, dictated targets, pushed for deadlines, asked to deliver or did anything that you would expect a typical “leader” to. I’ve worked to build consensus in each decision. I’ve operated from empathy, at the cost of topline and profits. I’ve had people make decisions and I’ve always used Bezos’ disagree and commit. If there’ve been times when I hated the decisions taken by our folks, I’ve remained stoic and told myself that this too shall pass. And it often passes. Now, I probably will get into nuance (in the video, Jeff mentions that he often commits because he’s able to trust others and they’ve been together for years and he’s seen their judgements turn out better etc etc) before I disagree and commit. I am getting too much into details but I hope the thought is clear.

Then, as I read more about benevolent dictators, I realised that almost all progress (good, bad or in between)- human, technological, philosophical, societal, or otherwise – was seeded by dictators.

Lemme lean on history here.

The ones who were not kind pushed and left their people in a mess, a ruin. There are quite a few examples. Hiter is often called a mad dictator. There’s a long list of tyrants. I am not as well-read to have a direct opinion.

The ones who were benevolent took their people to a place of prosperity, peace and progress. Most people agree that Singapore’s Lee Kuan Yew was a benevolent dictator who made Singapore what it is today – a developed, prosperous state. I read on Quora that Marcus Aurelius is also often regarded as a benevolent dictator. Of course, I am a fan of Aurelius and anything and everything he does is worth copying.

The absolute power that these dictators commanded allowed them to make decisions that they would otherwise not be able to make in a democracy where different powers move things in different directions. And in decision is where the progress is. In indecision, there’s only potential. And I believe that any progress, even if it’s in the negative zone, is better than potential. Another example – Steve was a dictator (he might or might now have been benevolent) and he made decisions that made Apple what Apple is.

Now with power and the ability to make decisions, you can either go mad or you can see Pale Blue Dot often and become a benevolent dictator.

So, if I want to create progress in my village, I need to be able to make bold decisions, at the cost of displeasing my people and living with the knowledge of those tough decisions.

This is also important to me at a personal level. Especially if I want C4E and myself to go from a mild success to a wild success.

So, what does ‘SG as a Benevolent Dictator’ mean for C4E?

Benevolent Dictator is made of two words – benevolent and dictator. Each is important. Allow me to write about those and find an answer.

Benevolence is top-down kindness that “rulers” often shower their people on. I dont agree with this idea of benevolence. I am no one to give kindness from top-down. I am one of the people who run the business. And at no point I want to “give” to anyone. My definition of benevolence means shared kindness, equity, freedom, independence, personal liberty and more.

Dictator is someone who has complete control, authority and autonomy to work in the way they deem fit. I like this definition. I want to be responsible for actions at C4E and the output of C4E. All this while, I wasn’t. I was at best one of the folks who would own a part of the output. Now, I will change this.

The dictator has some resources (people and otherwise) and they need to apply their brains, will, persuasion, connections, ideas and all that to get the best possible return. In most cases, the resources are scarce. At least in my case, they are. I need to put them to optimal use!

So, as the Benevolent Dictator at C4E, I need to marshall my resources and take all of us to prosperity. And while I do that I need to keep reminding myself that I am at the service of C4E.

So that.

What would change in how I run C4E?

Lemme start with a lesson that I learnt from Gokul. He envisions CynLr as a platform for opportunity exchange. I would like C4E to be the same. Further, in the words of Rajesh Sir, I want to be like a hose through which prosperity and opportunity flows. I want to give shoulders to people. And no, I do none of these with an altruistic intent. I know that kindness and getting people together is the best strategy for long-term, sustainable profitability and I want to do that.

I believe that at C4E, of all the people on the team, I am best equipped to take on this role and maximise outcomes. Hello, delulu 😀

And the change at C4E? Truth be told, I dont know this yet. These are some broad areas that I am thinking about.

A/ I would start asking for more accountability.
This doesn’t mean people at C4E are not accountable – they are FAR more accountable than an average professional. Just that we tend to slack and take it easy at times. I need to fix that. And that fixing starts with me. I am the one that takes it easy the most.

B/ I would become more assertive.
It may sound stupid but at this time, I am NOT assertive at all. Like I said earlier, I believe in disagree and commit. I from now on will probably disagree, overrule and act. This would be tough, to be honest, but let’s see how this works. I also run the risk of wasting time on managing egos and all that. But let’s see how it pans out.

C/ I will say no to more things
My default state has been hell yes to each thing that I come across. And I want that to remain the case. However, I will ask my people to say no more often. And I will ask them to channelise their energies. I can the be the one that wanders all the time but I will need people to stick to things and take them to conclusion.

What would NOT change?

I know that the one thing that will NOT change at C4E is the freedom that people enjoy to work however they want to, where they want to, with who they want to will not change. This value of freedom is at the very core of what C4E is and I would not change that for anything.

Other things may change. I dont have a thought. I will think more over the next few days and add those here.

Finally, what do I need to be careful about as a benevolent dictator?

Since I’ve read some about benevolent dictators. I have a ready list of things that I need to skirt from. Here in bullets…

  • The lust for power. And the corruption by power. After a point, you tend to enjoy power and you want to enjoy power for power’s sake. I need to keep this at the back of my head that I am merely a servant for C4E who is working as a benevolent dictator to make things happen.
  • The sense of invincibility that comes with power (and control). I need to know that I am human and fallible. I do not want to ever get swayed by the inflated ego that the power would give me.
  • The loss of benevolence. The loss of humility that has made me what I am. If I had to choose between benevolence or dictatorship, I would choose the former.
  • The plundering of gains that I get out of running C4E as a dictator. This would be the most unfortunate outcome. C4E is a village and each thing that at least I earn needs to go to help C4E thrive.

So, that.

Guess this is it. Let’s see how I go from there in my new experiment. More later!

Further reads on Benevolent Dictators…

  1. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20130219135706-3807-the-benevolent-dictator-as-ceo/

Untitled – 4/5 Mar

A long rant. Please ignore if you get triggered easily.

Feel like talking to someone. Have no one. And thus this blog. I started writing this last night at Starbucks. And then I got interrupted. And then I slept. And then I feel in that weird loosie thingy. I hate to be unwell. Anyhow. Let’s dive in.

1/ No Pity Party

After you read this (whoever you are), please do not reach out and text me. I will talk about a few things that may seem to be like a call for help. This is not one.

2/ Music

I was at the beach today (on the 4th). I dont know why but I somehow remembered these lines, “aise bhole ban kar hai baithe, jaise koi baat nahi“.

I tried my best to hum these like a human being must. But I was unable to. I sounded like a cat screeching a steel plate. That to be honest is not important. Important is that I realised that I love this song. And since I’ve been listening to this track on a loop.

Here. Listen in.

The other day I told someone that if there’s one thing I’d like to change about myself, it would be my inability to sing well. I would love to learn. Not sure if I have the time. So that.

3/ Friends turning into strangers

Lately, yet another very very very close friend has turned into a stranger. This one hurts a lot cos with this one I had imagined that I would be with till my time comes and I walk into the jungle. It clearly wasn’t meant to be.

Like all other times, I’ve taken my lessons and moved on. The biggest one of those is to not get attached. And lean on Epictetus and Aurelius at these times.

To be honest, I don’t know why I am unable to keep my friendships for long. I do all that you need to do to nurture friendships – often giving in more than I must. And yet at the end of the day, I find myself by myself. I can never forget COVID-19. Not one friend stood by me. If not for the steadfast support of my parents and the kindness of strangers, I wouldn’t know what I would do. I probably wouldn’t be here.

Each time a friend walks away, I console myself that the world has about 8 billion strangers and if I’ve survived for so long, I would stay afloat for a few more years. And all I need is a few more. I am old.

Plus each time I start feeling bad about not having enough friends, I start to look around for folks that I could be a stranger and a shoulder to. The satisfaction that I get out of helping others who are often left with no other option is unparalleled. I think that’s what my raison d etre is – offer a shoulder.

No, I am not depressed. Or even sad. I am merely recording my emotions. And in public. I would not add a judgment to the emotion. Guruji taught us that. I must go for another 10-day session. Maybe in September. Let’s see.

4/ Work

A lot is up at work. Like a LOT. In caps and bold. I can’t even begin to list it here. Ok, lemme try. I mean why would I bring it up if I dont want to talk about it. Here’s a list.

A. Hiring – I need to get some many folks at C4E. And I can’t find them. Here are the reasons – there are in order…

  • my inability to pay a lot of money (fuck you, startups) – I can only pay so much and everyone wants to be paid the moon and a Mercedes. I wish I had the ability to pay.
  • my ability to “teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea”. The work we do may sound small on a day-to-day basis but how we do it and where we want to be is a large large thing. And I am unable to communicate and thus I am unable to rally people to be around me.
  • lack of culture fit – we are big on culture and it is really tough to find people that fit into our scheme of things and we fit into their scheme of things. Unless we fit like hand and glove, we don’t want. I’ve made hiring mistakes in the past. And I dont want to make those again. So I often go slow on this.
  • work ethics mismatch – most people in this day and age do not want to work hard anymore. Most. Hard. And I respect their choice. Just that I dont think I can do what I want to do around people that are not willing to work hard. I know that I am average. And that means I need to work hard. And if I have people that dont work harder than me, I will have some discord with them at some point. And that means I need to find people who are willing to work hard. If not harder than me, then as much. And such people are rare. At least they are rare in my network.
  • ambiguity – we are very non-conventional. And that means that whoever wants to be around us needs to live in the ambiguous structure that we are. And this is something that not a lot of people are comfortable with. So that.

There are more reasons. But I hope you get the drift.

B. Growth – I am of firm belief that stasis is death. And that means we need to grow. And we need to grow like I want us to grow – in a sustainable manner, in a controlled manner (not like cancer), in a manner that allows each of us to thrive, go beyond our abilities, learn, get better etc etc. And I am finding that expecting such a growth is tough. So that.

Tough because we are construed as slow. We are construed as non-aggresive. We are constured as easy going. Perception. Sigh.

This also means that I need to amplify my efforts with BD. And I suck at that. I simply do not know how to get new business. I dont call people on the phone.

C. Services – Right now we offer social media marketing, content, brand strategy and other allied services. All these are services. And that means there’s no objective metric to evaluate what we’ve done. And this means that my people are often thinking about work even after work hours. And I dont like this. And I want to change this. And I dont know how to.

D. Higher value work – I want to move to a place like Singapore or Dubai where am able to charge more per hour. And I dont know how to do that.

So yeah, these. There are more things that I worry a lot about. Let’s see where I find a solution.

5/ Challenge of Consistency

I’ve known this for a while that I am designed for a life where I work on short, high-intesity projects that require short bursts of work. Short could be up to 3 months. Anything longer, I know I am not the right person. Thankfully at work, we now have people who thrive on doing the same thing over and over again and we are ok. If not for them, I would have been a ruin by now.

Even on other things like health, I can get started but I lose track often. Funnily am very disciplined and I would have bet a lot of money that a disciplined person is consistent. But I am not. I can say no to alcohol, cigarettes and other such sinful temptations. But I dont know why I give up when it comes to health. Wait. Health is the next bullet point. Lemme talk about consistency in general. I started yoga and I stopped after a few days. I started writing everyday but I stopped. I quit coke and then I got back to it. I did not touch coffee for a while and then I got back to it. I even fold my bedsheets and make my bed each day as soon as I wake up!

Thing is, I tell the world and all my kids that to get to something, you need to lose something. If I want to get fitter, I need to lose this inconsistency. If I want to be a published author, I need to lose the procrastination habit.

Naval says that you need to judge a fitness trainer by their own physique. If I want to be an inspirational business person, I have to be more effective and I have to be better. I even know my why — live till 120 at least, help others around me, go further — and yet I am unable to get consistent. I dont know what to do about. Get a coach?

At work, thankfully I have a team that works on day to day things. And I am eliminating things that need me everyday. So that should be ok, I hope!

6/ Health

The last few weeks have been tough. They continue to be. When I thought I was ok (last evening), I got an upset stomach yet again. The ankle has been acting up lately, to a point that I cant even walk properly. The lower back is fucked – this I know can get fixed if I fix my posture. The hernia has flared up. NAFLD is visible all of my neck, elbows, ankles, waist and all that. The finger remains broken. Anyhow.

The point is to not describe my car-wreck of a body. The point is, I am probably at a point in life where I am staring at a one-way door to ruin. If I dont start acting now, I will not be able to live thrive for long.

And I know that for health, all I need to do is eat right, do some workout and sleep well. I sleep well to be honest. If I can find a solution to food, I will be ok. Just that with all the travel I am unable to. All my life I have avoided getting a cook (cos the mess that food makes) but I am now willing to hire one. I have started to ask around for that. Let’s see when I find a solution.

I think this is it.

Oh, one more thing…

Like I said in the beginning, if you read this, I dont want any sympathy or whatever. I am over most of the things listed here in. I had to let out of my system and I am ok now that I have written here.

More later!

120821 – Morning Pages

If you read this beyond the evident layer, you would see that I am literally screaming for help. Or am I?

6:20. Woke a few minutes ago.

Little mindfucked about how things are at my end. Both at work front. And on the personal front. Sadly I can’t talk about either on this post. I know I want to live in public and be open and honest about things but most of my misery and mind-fuckery has been caused by others. Or, should I say, my expectations from others?

Wait.

That’s something I can fix. What I expect from others. And how I react to things when what I expect does not come my way. A large part of what Aurelius taught was this. You know, you suffer more in imagination than in reality. I am otherwise amazing. I am a man of free will (well, almost). I have enough food on my plate. I can afford expensive coffee on a daily basis. And yet I am miserable. So, I think I need to work on making my inner game strong.

I know. Easier said than done. I dont even know what to do to get stronger. Any clues anyone? Wait. No one’s reading these. I am by myself. So what clues. Sigh.

Ok. Changing tracks.

I used to write these letters to people where I would share things I’ve learned from others. You know, SoG Letters. Here’s a complete list. Yesterday someone replied to one of the letters from two years ago. In that email, she packed in so much advice and inputs in that email that I ended up doing 10 half-pushups (with my knees on the floor). If I can do 40 more during the day, I would’ve probably ganga-nahaoed. Ok. Wait. Lemme do 10 more. Done. I am a bit woozy. But done! Yay! 20 half-pushups! I just need to do this every day. Maybe I will stack it as a habit. Every time I publish this post, I will do 10. Lol! Who’d say I am 38! Anyhow. So, thanks to this email, I have decided that I will compile some of those letters in the book. I have tried multiple times in the past and have failed. I must compile these letters into SoG Book. Come what may! #toDo

Maybe instead of working on book2, I could work on SoG book every day in the morning for the next 30 odd days? At least I can make it publishing-ready? Hmmm. Interesting thought. Lemme think about this while in the shower. Sounds like a good idea. At least I would ship something. Book2 is anyway delayed by like 7 years. I dont think anyone is missing it. #toThink

So that.

Ok. I am back after a break. Showered and all that. At a Starbucks. Still on the fence about what I want to do (Book2 or SoG Book) till I go away from the grid. I mean I will be with a few other people but I would not be reachable apart from those people. I will work on SoG Book from 8:30 on. Let’s see if I am fully engaged with it.

That’s about it. See you guys on the other side.

  • OMAD – 0
  • #book2 – 0. Did not write yesterday.
  • #noCoke – 154
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had two. Venti. Tall. Americano.
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 30 + 30 + 130 = 190
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 244

260321 – Meditations

A quick post on insignificant things that could only be important to me! Such as rechristening of Morning Pages to Meditations.

7:51. Andheri .

It’s official. I am rechristening morning pages as meditations. I am not sure what Morning Pages was supposed to capture but I do know that these short posts that I write before I start my day are like meditations. Quite discussions with myself where I think by writing about things that are clouding my head. I talk about my fears and hopes and ambitions and ideas and thoughts and I am very very naked while I do that. This is what people like Naval and Marcus would call meditations. Probably. I am calling it these pages meditation. Took me just 105 days to do so ;P

So the COVID situation in Mumbai continues to be scary. Another day when we had more than 5000 cases. And yet I continue to hang out at Starbucks. I have one eye on the clock as I write this. I like the idea of an empty cafe, AC on full blast, and me pacing around while I think about whatever I am working on. Which is a lot of things ;P

The other thing that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about is this film that I wanted to make during the lockdown about those universal 36 questions that apparently bring people together (even though it has never worked for me). With the Aram Nagar piece on its way, I think it’s time I start thinking about the 36 Questions as well. Wait. Am I not repeating the pattern where I start a new thing before I finish an old one? Grrr, Mr. Garg.

In other news, I’ve been fasting since 1 AM of the 25th. So I am over 24 hours. I am thinking if I can manage to fast today as well, I will start Keto from tomorrow for about 2 weeks. If nothing else, it will help me lose weight. Keto works for me for sure. Everytime I’ve done it, I have seen results (only to gain the weight back) but may be this time it’s different? After all each day when you wake up, you get up with the hope that today is different. No?

This is about it for the day. I do have a LOT to write (I met a friend yesterday and she made me realize all the things that I do wrong and I need to work on those. I need to write about those, think on those and fix those). But not today. I need time to process (those inputs were pointed at the very core of who I am and how I operate in life. I need to either go on a drive or think deeply about those before I can being to put them in open. Need to take a few hours to write that piece. Let’s see when I get to do it. I may go for a drive with VG tonight. If that happens, I will get all the time to think about things.

Makes me realize how bad I want a car and the ability to take off without waiting for something, someone. Damn, Mr. Garg. Control your horses.

Chalo, gotta go. Before I go, here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 105
  • #aPicADay – 85
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0. Been fasting since 1 AM of the 25th Mar. So 24+ hours. Gunning for 48.
  • #noCoffee – 16
  • #noCoke – 16
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0.

250321 – Morning Pages

A quick post about ambitions, expectations, hurt, bitterness and COVID.

6:46 AM. I woke up a minute ago. Made my bed. Opened the window to the world outside and put on some music. I felt like listening to this one. And here I am typing this morning meditation.

Yeah, the morning pages need to be rechristened as morning meditations. That’s what these are. Thoughts from things that are clouding my head. For example, I slept last night thinking about how humbling the entire idea of life is. About how success is the only way you get to make great friends. About how the action (and not perfection) is what makes the world go round.

Something happened and I was fucked in the head last night. To a point, I thought I would quit things that trigger it. You know, social media. More than that, expectation from people. But then I don’t know if it was Louise Hay or Morgan Housel or Seneca or even Prof. SG that told me that all misery is in expectation. And once you stop expecting things, you are sort of free. So that happened.

The other thing that caught my eye is this tweet from PG. He postulates that people like me are “bitter and highly effective at realizing that bitterness.”

From Paul Graham. See this.

Now, I know that I am smart.
I also know that I am ambitious.
And I have yet to achieve anything, leave alone “very much”. If PG says such people are bitter, they ought to be. However, in my case, I am anything but bitter. Rather, this non-achievement makes me do more. Push more. Open more doors. May be, secretly I am. Maybe this bitterness is that part of my life that I don’t know that exists. You know, the ‘unknown self’ of Johari Window. So I need to think about it.

The other thing I am worried about is rising COVID cases in Mumbai. Now we officially have more cases than we ever had. More than when the pandemic was at its peak and we were banging bartans and lighting candles and chanting mantras and all that. Yesterday we had more than 5000 cases in Mumbai alone (out of 40000 odd that were tested). When you look at the number, it looks small, considering we have almost 2 crore people in the city. But when you juxtapose (I love this word) on people like me that are super-social (even if I am pseudosocial) that meet thousands of people, the risk gets real.

So that.

I think this is about it. There are more things that I’ve written on my echoChamber about the thing that I was fucked in the head about. Someday all of it will go in my biography. If I ever become someone whose story is worth telling the next generations. Lol. Everyone wants to be immortal.

Anyhow, that’s it for the short post. At some point in time I need to get back to writing till my heart’s full. May be when I actually start waking up at 5. Or when they start a Starbucks that opens at 5. Morning is the best damn time ever.

And here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 104
  • #aPicADay – 84
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0 (ate 4 full meals – damn stress eating).
  • #noCoffee – 15
  • #noCoke – 15
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0. I still haven’t been able to wake up at 5.