I’ll start with a Silicon Valley cliche. There are decades when nothing happens and there are weeks where decades happen.
Yesterday was a day when I think decades happened to me. And I probably aged by a decade. Apart from my echoChamber, I want to capture it on a public forum as well.
Here we go.
Oh, before I talk in detail and get into specifics, play this and let it play in the background as you read this.
Ok, now that you have the baritone of Eddie talking about how you ought to live life, I can talk.
I will talk about 5 things.
A/ Feedback from a senior agency person
Met a senior person from the agency business. I told him about my plans to take C4E in the big league and start pitching for projects at the intersection of modern marketing, digital, strategy and others. And compete with the likes of Ogilvy and others.
He snubbed me.
He told me and C that what we do is crap and he has no confidence in us being able to deliver large things.
Which is ok.
May be fair.
But then on deeper introspection, I realised that maybe, just maybe he doesn’t understand what am trying to build. Lemme try to articulate again.
I want to build the world’s largest, richest, most impactful business. I want to play at scale. I want to move humanity and make us thrive, live better and all that. I want the workplace to be respectful, kind, hardworking, aciton-first and more. But…
But…
But I dont want to do this on the back of broken souls. I dont want to tramp over others. I dont want to make it toxic.
Now, when I hear things like, “make 200 calls, get 50 meetings, and convert 10 businesses”, I think, it’s a piece of fabulous advice for folks who want to use people as replaceable objects. But not me. I want to give a safe, kind space to everyone to find their bliss and get paid well while they do that. In such a business, we need people to be self-motivated, high-agency and respectful towards work. After all, for most of us who are not artists, we have to find meaning in what we do.
The thing is, if we are lucky, we’d have something to lean on that fills our soul. Some people find it in art. Some in sports. Some in code. Some like me, in business. Some dont find it at all. And it is in those cases that you have to latch onto something and make it yours.
When I see a younger colleague getting disrespected by saying “without disrespecting your age or experience”, I dont want to run that in the first place. If you have to add a disclaimer before you speak, it’s better to not speak.
When I am told that my work won’t cut it, I want to hear more. But about how I can make it better, not a rant on how it’s bad. I want to be pointed at flaws and not be told that we can’t do it.
So that.
Ok. Over this one. 4 more to go.
B/ I let go of one more person from my life.
I have this friend. Her father says a brilliant thing – he says, “is insaan ka panna faad diya“.
Lemme try and explain. Imagine our life is a notebook. Each person in our life is a page. And you can add as many pages in that notebook (once you meet new people). And then the page can extend to any length (depending on your relationship with them). And like any well-used journal or notepad, it can extend in all directions.
However, once you sort of break your relationship with someone (say, someone moves away from your life, someone does something uncool etc etc) you tear their page from your notebook. And then that’s that. You stop bothering about them. They become a stranger. You operate from a place of indifference. You are kind to the world, you are kind to them. You wish them success but you shall not partake in that. If they need help, you are not proactive. You let them come to you. So on and so forth.
He of course has a far deeper reason and philosophy. What I wrote is mine.
And yesterday, I tore one more page off my book. I wish the individual all the luck. I continue to love but I am no longer invested.
So that.
Oh, before you move forward, you may want to see this tweet.
C/ “15 lakh karte ho, 3 gaya, 12 bacha, 4 ek aur hai, 8 bacha. Band kar do“
Last evening, I was talking to a very close friend. The kind whose words mean the world to me.
While talking about something, C4E came up and I told him that I’ve lost a client. He said, “15 lakh karte ho, 3 gaya, 12 bacha, 4 ek aur client hai jo kabhi bhi chala jaaega, 8 bacha. Band kar do“
And it hurt.
Like a bitch.
It was probably meant to hurt.
It didn’t hurt this bad when the love of my life walked out of my life.
I think this made me realise that am probably very emotional about my work and this thing that I’ve created.
I was so fucked in the head that I couldn’t sleep well because of this. Kept thinking, tossing and turning in the bed. But then Whoop tells me I had 53% recovery with about 6 hours of sleep. I know that it was not good at all. Makes me even question the efficacy of a Whoop. And as a professional sleeper, both these things (not being able to sleep well and Whoop being unable to catch my sleep) are not cool.
Coming back.
So, it hurt. And I can either let it continue to hurt me. Or I can fix it. And no points for guessing what I would do. And I need help. Hands and heads. Lend me? And point me to others who I can take help from?
And to start with, I will shut everything that distracts me and I will work hard on taking C4E to an unbreakable place.
D/ Case of online bullying
Someone close to me was bullied online. And since this person was close to me and it was unprovoked bullying, I was angry. As fuck. If the bully were around me when I got to know about it, I would have probably caused hurt.
But am glad the dude lives in Noida.
In a mad rush of blood to my brain, I decided to seek retribution. To be honest, this is not like me. I dont do things like that on impulse. I think and act.
But, I wrote to the CEO of the company he works with (to make the company aware of the kind of people they’ve hired) and the college the bully went to (to check on his records and hopefully get some action). Made a LinkedIn post. Sent DMs. Considered filing a cyber crime case (but the portal was too complicated to have my complaint go thru and I did not try again).
But then I realised, an eye for an eye will make the world blind.
And thanks to Jagdish’s Bruno, I realised that anger is not the place to operate from (but bravery is). And I anyway know that empathy is a good place to be at.
Probably the boy is troubled. So I have decided to let the person go with a stern warning. Hope it fixes him. I will deliver that today. And I will of course close the loop with all the people that I wrote to.
E/ Hurt by someone close
This is the last one from this long rant.
I love a lot of people. To the point that it’s tough to manage egos and all that of all those people. I really go out of the way to make them comfortable, liked, respected, taken care of etc etc. To the best of my ability. Often at the cost of hurting myself. And with little expectation. You know, like Danveer Karna.
I just think there’s so much fuckery in the world. If I could be that island of sanity in their lives, why not?
And despite all these attempts to make someone feel good about life and all, I probably am unable to do enough to keep them engaged and happy.
So that.
Ok am done writing.
Like I said, I aged 10 years in one day.
And I am taking my lessons away.
In the end, so much of what I do, and how I do is about people. And then like life has taught me, EVERYone leaves. See this tweet. It makes me wonder if I were a fool to have taken this path.
I have seen friends, partners, colleagues, and even lovers leave me. And I may not admit it too many times but it sucks to be walking alone and sleep on an empty bed and not having anyone to look after you when you fall. Like I said, I give more than I can and often at great consequence to self. And yet people go. Leave me alone. And I am left wondering where did I go wrong.
Anyhow.
Wait.
Oh, I know there’s their side of the story as well and I know they had reasons for moving on. So I can’t blame them. Just that since everyone moves on en masse, there must be something wrong that am on to. And that’s what I need to discover and find. If you know me, help me. Point out flaws in my thinking.
Chalo, over an out.
From a decade older SG 😀