230821 – Morning Pages

A quick post about food, habits and clothes. And then some gyaan.

9:31. At the Starbucks. Even though I woke up at 7, I puttered around the house. I had bought shoes and some other things yesterday from a Decathlon and I just wanted to sort of unpacking. And torture myself with the thoughts of wearing those when I am on my way to EBC.

Oh, I am wearing better clothes since yesterday. I mean not old, fata hua tees. But better shirts and all that. I wore a Kurta (or the closest garment I had to one) for Rakhi at M&m. And today, I am wearing a shirt that I would otherwise reserve for an office, in-person meeting.

No, it’s not cool. Neither it offers any comfort. But I have decided to mould myself to the ways of the world. Enough of gareebi. I just need to learn fake smiles and social conversations and some humor and I would be on my way to becoming a Steve Jobs. Lol. Wishful thinking.

The other good thing that happened was that I managed a 46-hour fast. On a whim. I have realised that the age-old adage is correct – that you eat food only when you are in a societal construct (meeting people, friends, family etc). Or when you are bored. Or you are habituated. You know, you want a chai as soon as you wake up.

So, Saturday and Sunday, I kept myself very very busy. And that helped. I need to now fill my calendar with things. The flip side is that I won’t get to work out. But I know I would be able to avoid eating.

The tough part was to say no to all the awesome things that VG’s place had. And then I had to meet some colleagues. I was tempted to pick from their plates but I did not. I did have a tiny morsel of Coconut from M. And then another tiny piece of cake from the colleague whose birthday we were celebrating. So I can say that I could avoid the societal constructs easy.

The habit is the thing that I need to work on. I mean I have to do a couple of video calls today and I will do those from SJ2’s place. And that means I will probably go buy kachra. And that’s because I am habituated. Need to break this chain.

So that.

Oh, I was to move houses on the weekend but I didn’t. I just did not feel like it. Not that I did a lot but I just did not feel like it. The move is now moved to the next weekend. And that is a time that I dont have an option to shift indiscriminately. I mean I need to vacate the house by the 2nd. So, I know what am doing the next weekend! And I hate hate hate this shifting and all that. It’s way too soul-sucking. But then, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Of course, I will add another post to the series of posts that I write when I move.

I think this is it for the day. Need to get going. Here’s streaks.

  • OMAD – 2. Ate after a 46-hour fast. Let’s see if I can manage OMAD today as well.
  • #book2 – 0
  • #noCoke – 165
  • #noCoffee – 8
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • Money spent – 10403
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • Minimaslism Counter – -2
  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 255

030121 – Morning Pages

I talk to myself about how I spent yesterday, about life in Goa, about the idea of home. Nothing special but an inane update.

Its 8 AM and this is not the first thing I am doing. First thing was to post a picture on Instagram. This one. I did it from the bed. I broke all rules today if you want to know. I checked Instagram, Twitter, and WhatsApp while my eyes were still groggy.

So clearly, I am not having a good second third day of the year! The second day actually went in a blur. Started with calls, emails and by the time I saw the clock, it was 4. And then went for a walk, where I was literally attacked by a pack of dogs for no rhyme or reason. If not for other people around that helped me fend off the strays, I probably would be getting some rabies shots or something. Not to mention all the disruption it would have caused in my plans for the year! In fact, yesterday only AG told me to get a pet – he said when you have nothing going for yourself, you can lean on one. He gave examples of many lonely people who have no object of affection to look after and have cats and dogs that sort of meaning to their lives. I did not know that I give off vibes that I need someone to take care of like that. May be it’s the age? And even if it is, I would rather adopt a child than care for a pet. Fucking strays.

Anyhow moving on. So I did go for a longish walk yesterday. About 10K steps. Earlier, I would listen to podcasts while I was walking. Yesterday, I tried to listen in and for some reason, I could not concentrate even for a bit, even though I had put up a JRE episode. Wonder what’s wrong. Oh, I have to mention that I wore a Decathlon phone pouch while walking and it worked wonders. The phone did not flop around the pocket while I was bouncing around. I love such companies that make thoughtful products that are both functional and are appealing. I mean look at Apple. Nike. Decathlon. Of course, Decathlon is different from the other two – affordable, mass-market, etc. But I love em. In fact, the first thing I did when I came to Goa was to buy chappals and a tiny backpack that could carry the phone, a notepad, and the credit cards. I really really recommend em! Go check em out. Lol, now we are giving recommendations on morning pages!

The good part yesterday however was that I did not eat crap, even though I was tempted to. I had eggs, panner, and some soup. All thanks to Nicky M’s. And some peanuts. Avoided carbs to a large extend. Yay. Now to continue this for another 6 months and continue to walk and may be do some pushups. Lol!

Apart from these two things, I am fairly blank in how to write or what to write. I miss the fact that I do not have a place to go sit and work out of at this hour. In Mumbai, the earliest Starbucks would be open at 7 and I could actually get a lot of work done. Yes, it was expensive but atleast I was getting things done. Here, it’s a struggle to find a business that opens early enough to allow for some meaningful work to happen early in the morning. Even co-working spaces here operate on restaurant hours. No, I can’t complain – that’s how people are. Am a weirdo. I am thus forced to start my day at 1030 and by the time I get in the grind, the whole world is up and is screaming for attention. The other option is to go the night-owl route. Wake up late, start late, end late, sleep late. But then, most people like to enjoy their evenings and that means all the places that I could potentially use to sit out of and work would be packed with people partying? May be I just need to learn how to work from home? Something that I have been trying to learn for some 20 years and yet failing at. I can manage to work from home but I don’t get into the flow easily. At a public place, am like a ninja and I put my keyboard on fire! I mean I wrote most of #tnks from a Starbucks (Powai). Whatever blogging I’ve managed, all of it has happened on the run or from some coworking space. The best decks that I have churned have happened at offices. In fact, I can blame the lockdown for a hit in my productivity – simply because I did not have a place to go to!

Oh, it’s almost been a month now (I came here on the 6th. Or was it the 7th?) and I need to now decide if I want to be here. Or if I want to go back to Mumbai. Right now, I am on the fence. I like the newness of the place. I am enjoying meeting all the new people and experiencing all the new things. I like that most people are easy going. I like that there is a thriving social scene here (which I don’t enjoy, to be honest, and which is probably better and more vibrant in Mumbai, but I have stayed away from). I like love that I have no pressure of dressing up here and a pair of tattered shorts is as accepted as an Armani suit is (unlike in Mumbai where you are continuously judged). I love love that no one here judged for who you are or what you’ve done. I like how people accept you in their lives, their homes, and their hearts.

Of course, I sometimes do crave for the comfort of familiarity and availability of things to do back in Mumbai, but I think things that really make a place feel like home (people, warmth et al), I no longer have those in Mumbai. I never had those in Delhi (well, parents live there but that’s that and I got over my affinity for the place too early on in life). I miss the hustlers of Aram Nagar and aspiring actors of Lokhandwala and the never-stop, never-say-die attitude of almost everyone around me. I miss meeting friends of friends that are doing great things and getting inspired by them.

Could I be at both places at the same time? Do I even want to be thinking of doing this and keeping my two feet in different boats? Did I not want to be a nomad? Just a few days ago I was talking about living out of a suitcase, giving up all my possessions and thus, a home altogether.

Wait. What the fuck is home?

There are no easy answers. Especially for someone who’s at my place in life – no clear vocation (I do multiple things but it’s impossible for me to explain to others in an elevator pitch), no financial stability (in debt, no predictable cash flow), lofty ambitions (and yet little to show for and un), arrogance (for what joy I don’t know), large lifegoals (Everest, Billion lives, Billion dollars) and other such quirks that make me who I am. Let’s see when I find an answer.

Or when I decide.

For the time being, let’s settle at this – I like it here in Goa. And I miss being in Mumbai.

Until next time, over and out!


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