Jul 28, 2025, Monday, 8 AM I am not in the best of health but I have to write. Am trying to be consistent. And since I couldnt write yesterday, it had to be done. Also, if I dont write now, I will not be able to and that means I will have to skip. And that’s not happening.
So, lets go.
As always, some sections that I will talk within.
Oh, and listening to this. On loop.
.
💭 Highlights, reflections and notes from the past week
PS: As always, these are not in any order.
.
a/ Anshika + the muscle to ship. Read this. See this. And I wish I could show you a 100 things that AK shipped in the last few days. I need that energy around me. The kid has been so good with juggling all balls the last two weeks. It’s incredible. She’s eating healthy, going to the gym, showing up and all that.
That’s it. Nothing more to say.
.
b/ Session at IIM Mumbai Took a session for some folks at IIM Mumbai. These folks are from some MSME board and this was a continuation learning program for them. I didnt really enjoy taking the session but I think it was interesting for them. I could see that they were engaged. Just that it was tough to get folks to open up and talk.
Also, I realised that I love teaching. And for more than anything else, the questions that come my way are the ones that I cherish more than anything else. This slide from Vishal Khandelwal on Dr Feynman defines the why and how…
.
I need to find more opportunities to teach. But then I dont want to not work either. So, the conundrum. Sigh.
But I would love to teach nonetheless. Come on, universe.
.
c/ Chatter on longevity Since I got myself a FOXO membership, I’ve been reading and thinking about longevity. Plus I read this long piece on Bryan Johnosn. And this online chatter on twitter. See twotweets.
It’s incredible that all it took was one person to literally spawn so much chatter. It’s probably these unreasonable people that move moutains and push us forward.
I need to learn how to become unreasonable like that. Any clues anyone?
.
d/ Poker Have put about 2000 bucks on online poker the last few days.
More than anything, I find it insanely enjoyable. If there was no chase of largeness or greatness, I would just do this! I’ve played micro stakes cash games and some micro stakes tourneys. I continue to suck at cash games. In tourneys, I’ve got to ITM a few times.
Oh, I also trained a chat on chatGPT into becoming my poker coach. No, its not helping. Cos I’ve lost most of the 2K I had put in : D
.
e/ Events Wrote this on Twitter. Reproducing it here with minor edits.
.
Overshare coming. I’ve had one of the most transcendental moments of my life.
Last time I felt like that, it was in 2021 and I was en route to the Everest Base Camp. The sight of the sun rising from behind the clouds, mountains, early in the morning left me awe struck.
Coming back.
I normally dont cry. I escape. If I have to, I walk in the rain.
But today, since I woke up, I’ve cried twice. Both to the music of ARR. I dont know if it’s caused it or it was the last straw on the camel’s back. You know, causation or correlation. A lot’s been happening lately, and just say whatever is happening is not routine for me, and I know a lot is bubbled inside of me.
So, this happened as I stepped out of the shower. I had put on some music. And the algorithm of YT played ARR’s Berklee piece. And it played Kun Faya Kun.
.
The first time, I was listening to the aalap about Ali (see from 6:28 for about a minute). The aalap is followed by one of the greatest lines ever written about spirituality, bhakti, devotion, submission, ask, request or whatever you want call it.
It goes, “mujh pe karam sarkar tera, araz tujhe, karde mujhe, mujh se hi riha”
This “mujh se hi riha” is like the epitome of self-actualisation. I dont know if I will ever be there. But in those few seconds I didn’t have pain, didn’t have a want, dint have a worry, dint even probably have a self. I was probably what they call “the one”. I will never know.
The second time was when YT played Vande Mataram after a bit. And this happened around the lines, “tu hi zindagi hai, tu hi meri mohabbat hai, tere hi pairo me jannat hai, tu hi dil, tu hi jaa” etc.
This time, the lines were not important. Important was the way the two performers looked at ARR.
See this first.
.
These ladies looked at him not once, but probably for all the time they shared the stage.
In their eyes and body language, and the entire being, I saw awe, devotion, respect, want, love, submission and everything else that you can imagine. All for ARR.
When I was growing up, I’ve always wanted to have that North Star to submit to. To guide me home. Or a large super nova to suck me towards it (astronomy nerds, please tell me what is the strongest force that pulls you? Black holes? Supernovas?). Never found one.
Rather, I took comfort in many many stars, all shining bright, and I navigated through those. I still do. I am glad and grateful that I have many folks who’ve agreed to be my guiding lights. You know, shoulders of giants. I am nothing without them. I would have never seen what I’ve seen if I didnt have their shoulders to stand on.
And as I grow up and start to think about the meaning of life and the universe and my life of potential (jiska aachar bhi nahi dal raha) etc etc, I realised that I have this insane need to help others see the light.
I dont know why. I dont know if I am capable. I dont know if I am good. I dont know what it even means.
But that. Phew. Glad I wrote.
Oh, and no I dont think I let out 100%. I will need more such sessions. I dont know when it would happen next time. The last one was almost 4 years ago when I was in a different funk (life’s much better now and I am thankful for that). But I know I need at least one more such outpouring.
And yes, I am ok. 100% there. I haven’t lost it. I still want to make a billion dollars (should upgrade to trillion) and impact the lives of a billion people. And I still want chaand taare and all that (thanks, SRK, Abhijeet and others).
.
f/ long term games C read TNKS and reminded me about the thank you page.
And it stuck me that the page dates back to 2013 or 2012 or something. And even though it’s been 10+ years, I am still in touch with a lot of those folks that I’ve credited in the book! Talk about long-term games. Naval would be proud of me.
.
g/ Gravity Crew. Mrs Mohan. Anna and others. Recently, Anna’s son got married. And the team from Gravity went to attend the wedding. While I was aware of it and had seen some pics, I was amazed to see a pic of Mrs Mohan and Anna on Roshan Abbas’ insta!
I have nothig but fond memories of the kindness of Mrs Mohan while I was there. She operated with grace, took care of the entire mad house and was one of the glues that kept the “greatest force known to mankind” ticking.
.
h/ what ChatGPT / Claude thinks about me. The other day, I asked some LLMs what they thought about me. Here’s what they had to say. Here – Claude. Perplexity.
I am embedding a few things…
.
.
.
i/ the second screen So, I use a second screen at home. And I think, the additional monitor is game changer. To a point that I am thinking that I will get another monitor (so, two extra screens).
But then, I dont work from home. Or may be I will start to work from home? Actually, the thing is, more than work or home or screens, I dont want to be tethered. I dont want my things to end up owning me. So, I want to take a hard look and rethink. The easy answer is to avoid attachment in case I have to leave. But the investment and the thinking that goes alongside.
I would like to post the following photo on the blog. This is the homepage of a website. 100% marks for the copy. Thanks to Nimchan for letting me know about this. I love that my community tells me about things that I need to know about.
.
🈺 The LARGE objective from the week gone by?
Book 2 – no action. I will not drop this. I know I am gonna be busy I think I love the feeling of writing things. So that.
PS: Dropped 2025 Plan a few weeks ago. This is after probably 10 years that I dont have an yearly plan!
.
☑️ What did I get done last week?
This is a one-line report on progress I made on various things that are important to me. I will only talk about things that I got done. Shipped. Not WIP.
Health
Meru
C4E
Brand SG
People (Family, Friends, Strangers, etc)
Book2
Shauk (Music, Films, Poker etc)
Health. No action. I will give myself a -1 on this. I am starting a new regimen from today. Let’s see how is the next week.
Meru. Was busy. But I dont think I moved the needle as much as I would have liked to. -1.
C4E. No action from my side. 0.
Brand SG. No action. And no action does not mean 0. It means a -1.
People. No action on this. I’d say 0.
Book 2. Lol! -1
Shauk. I started with poker. So a step in the direction. But a 0.
So the overall score is -4 yet again for this week.
.
📊 The tracker from the last week
I did not fill this in this week. So, no updates here. Not even sharing the blank one.
About Bryan Johnson and pursuit of immortality. Here. Oh, I want to do such long-form, deep-dive interviews. May be on The Optimist’s Manifesto?
This from DHH on life and death. Here. A quote from in it, “That life is long enough if you spend it well, but spending it well requires embracing life’s shortness.”
This from Jason. Here. On craft. On fulfillment. On meaning.
This is not a read per se but I see this video often.
This tweet from Erik. Here. I love this line, “My favorite relationship advice is to do whatever it takes to become more secure and positive-sum.”
.
🧠 Reminders from last week
This section captures things that I want to not forget. I add those to SG’s Office. I will copy paste these week on week and track updates.
So, I’ve been skipping this for the last few weeks. I am skipping this week as well. Havent had the time TBH to work on this. Again, this week is tough but I will get to it soon.
.
🥡 So, one thing that defines the past week?
Numb.
This went past by too fast. There was a lot of work and very very long days at Meru. Need to find a way to streamline those.
Oh and in the previous weeks, the one-word reviews have been… Blur, Fast, Uncool, Disappeared, Experience, Grind, Busy for Nothing, Regular, Getting back to action, Slack, Busyness, Action, Survive, Looking Up, Survival, Taste, Community, Respect, Money, People.
.
— Phew! Lemme know what you think. See you around.
Oh, and this too shall pass!
PS: This series of posts is inspired by Thej and his weekly notes. The previous editions are here: 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09 (missed), 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 (missed), 16, 17 (missed), 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 (missed), 23, 24 (missed), 25, 26, 27, 28, 29
PPS: Please do point typos. Grammarly is not working well and I don’t have energy to cut paste edit this in some other spell check thing.
PPPS: In case you see me being inconsistent in anything – work, writing, reviews etc, PLEASE do point out.
A rant-ful post about inane things. You may want to skip reading this one.
6:27.
I’ve been up for a bit. I slept at around 10 last night. And thanks to all the movement in the house next to mine, I had a fitful sleep. Did I tell you that the walls are wafer-thin here? But I think I feel as rested as I ever could be. There is some soreness in the ankles, claves, and legs – that I think I can blame on all the walking I did yesterday. I will come to it in a bit.
So, I have to say that I’ve not been myself for the last few days. I think more than anything else, the financial insecurity is eating me alive. Lol. Hyperbole. But yes I am worried about money. I mean I know that in the long run, I will be ok (wait, when exactly is this long-run? I am almost 40 and I have been in this hand-to-mouth state since I was 25). Anyhow, I need to pay salaries in about 10 days and rent in about 15 and I am not sure where would I get that money from. I did not want to take more debt this year and I don’t seem to be finding enough work. In fact, more than just worrying, it’s also making me into a person that I am not. I am avoiding people. And the ones that I do end up talking to, I am being curt with them. I am faking my emotions a lot more (even though I want to have coherence in my thoughts and actions). I am unable to express my true emotions and I am merely going with the flow. I like being in control (even if it’s a fake sense of control) and without the confidence that money gives me, I seem to be losing this ability.
The worse part is no one around me understands what I am going thru. They don’t have to, to be honest. They have enough shit in their lives. I am not their priority. This is one of those rare times when I wish I had someone to understand me, be my side, and tell me all will be ok. Maybe that’s why this rant on the blog? Am I trying to make this inanimate object, a bunch of pixels on the internet my companion? I think times like these and situations like these make people start believing in God and other cults? Maybe this is that weak point that everyone talks about that comes often in lives?
But then, I know, this too shall pass!
Ok. Hoping it will pass. Moving on.
So yesterday was like any other day. Did some work, slacked some, and then vegetated some. Vegetated as in, merely existed and did not do anything leaves a mark. Did not even talk to the two people I call friends in Goa. I know that I just have 1810 days left before I need to show results on my lofty goals and while the impending deadline inspires me, I am also fucked in the head because of my inability to move the needle. I am not sure what is stopping me. I think I have everything needed to whoop some mad ass and make an impact and get rich in the process. I am no longer lazy (I was till maybe 2017). I work harder, longer, and smarter than most people I know. Of course, I am smart. I have no clue what is that thing missing in my life.
Wait. Could it be the focus? I mean I’ve always been that person that does multiple things. May be this meandering at multiple places has got me to a place where I have some interesting things under my belt. And maybe to scale from hereon, I need to focus on one thing?
Will think on this during the day and report.
Anyhow. The good thing that happened yesterday was that I walked 20K steps. The plan was to do that on the trot but I took two breaks. Which is ok. I at least walked. From Baga to Fort Aguada and then back. I spend some 30 minutes at the Fort seeing the sun go down and see the day merge with the night. Absolutely loved the time I spent there. Clicked some great (I hope so) pics. Realized my limitations as a photographer. Wish I could be better at it.
Here are a couple of photos for you to gawk at…
Spot the moon?
Edited this with SnapSpeed.
Two shots from yesterday’s walk. One is edited on SnapSpeed. The other is raw.
I loved the spot so much that I can see myself going there often to catch the sunset. It’s kind of far from where I live (and once I take a house, where I intend to live) I think if I were not a loner, I think this trip to Goa has made me one. Am absolutely ok in my own company now.
Oh, the other crazy thing that happened last night when I was trying to get sleep was a deeper understanding of A R Rahman’s music. Because the internet was not working, I put on ARR’s Sufi set that is saved on my phone. The set has tracks not just from ARR but others that have adopted the Sufi way of life. And for probably the first time, I could relate to their music, the higher purpose, the bhakti, the effort they put in, and the connection they must feel to that nameless faceless thing that people call God, Universe, higher power, energy, whatever. I could feel how the music for them is not about entertainment. Or about practice. Or money. Or validation. But about respect. A tool they use when they want to feel closer to their creator. The trance they get in when they are one with their creator.
No, I have never felt such a connection with anyone or anything but I could clearly picture them living a life where they are in a complete submission to the almightly. I have to know more. Maybe I will chat with Sowmya one of these days. Maybe when I go back to Mumbai to wrap things.
That’s about it I guess. I have a long day today with quite a few things to work on. And a few IRL meetings to squeeze in. I plan to work from Felix for a large part of the day. Let’s see if their Internet holds up today. I have to find a solution to this Internet thingy if I have to be in Goa. It’s been acting weird since Friday.
Chalo over and out. Hope you guys have a great day. Onto #freewriting for #book2. It’s 7:27 and the battery is 6%. Will write till the battery is 1%.
The only complaint that Mrs. Gomes had with tourists that came into Goa is that they did not respect the local traditions. Especially from North India. The ones from the South were a lot more respectful. They probably understood the way of life in smaller communities. But they were far filthier than the ones from the North. It was like choosing a lesser evil and she would take filth over disrespect. So when Chintan first walked into Caravan Serai, Mrs. Gomes looked at him with the default disdain that she had reserved with middle-aged men from north India that wore linen shirts to hide their beer bellies that were bloated all the more with all the butter chicken they had probably eaten.
Chintan looked no different. He would have been smart in his younger days. He was atleast 40 and he still had a head that was full of hair. His hair was better than what most Indian men had and he had a hairband on to pull em back. He carried a leather man-purse that he plopped loudly on the bar counter. The bar was a curious choice. The entire place was empty and most people chose bars as the last option ever. Chintan clearly was unlike most. He pulled a bar stool with his leg and while trying to settle down on it, he got busy pulling out his paraphernalia from the bag that had seen a few years. Without looking up, he continued to fiddle with his things and said to no one in particular, “Could I have a glass of water? Cold, please? And a Gin and Tonic – whatever is your choice. And an ashtray please.”
These three lines told Mrs. Gomes that he was going to be an interesting person. He did not fuss about the brand of Gin or Tonic. He wanted his water cold. And he spoke with the authority of a man that knew how to command respect.
He had pulled a stack of loose sheets and was twirling a pencil in his fingers. He looked up to the bar with a questioning gaze at Mrs. Gomes. She took her sweet time to respond to him and said, “On its way. You new here in Goa?”
Mrs. Gomes had to know every patron that walked into Caravan Serai. Even though the place was now much bigger and much in demand, she still liked to run it her way. Basant and Udita often told her often to take it easy and cede control to one of those hospitality management companies that had sprung up. Mrs. Gomes clearly did not think that the two girls made sense. Each time they had this conversation, she would respond by telling them about the promise she made to her father and the legacy of her family, and then she would pace around with an apparent worry about who’s run the place once she was gone? She knew she wasn’t going away anytime soon. Even though she was 73, she was as lucid as she was when she was 23, could out-work Udita, some 50 years her junior, and keep a sharp eye on her staff of almost 30 people and all the patrons and guests that came and went throughout the day.
