Author: Saurabh Garg

250521. Meditations.

An inconsequential update on the music I am listening to and some pop-psycholgy pieces that make me feel good.

8:06
Been up since 7 I think. Slept around 11. So about 8 hours of sleep. I think I slept well apart from the AC making those chuckling noises all night long. So yesterday was a long long day. To a point that I had so much work that I literally slept on top of my laptop! And I will have to keep today’s piece short to be able to deliver a presentation by 10. So that means I have less than 30 minutes to do this.

Let’s go!

The music am tripping on these days is by Indian Ocean. I picked them up after I heard Rahul Ram belt out an ode to Modiji. While that itself is a fabulous piece of music, I am more enamored by Bandeh. Here.

Lemme start with this image that I got on WA yesterday. Lemme spill some ink bits and bytes on this.

This 2×2 is brilliant if you ask me.

It encapsulates everything that I was internally judging people on. And I want to be judged. It’s the intersection of ability and intent (if I try and loosely translate those words). And depending on how you fare, you could be, from bottom left to top right, waste, fuck all, dreamer that doesn’t deliver or cool.

While I know deep inside where I am and who I am (ask me if you are curious), I wanted to know what the world thinks of me. I even made a Twitter poll to see whats the world thinks of me.

Here…

I don’t have any comments on what they are telling me but I will keep this framework handy to evaluate life on. In fact, you can actually track your progress and movements between the quadrants over time.

That reminds me, I often evaluate myself on a spider chart about how I am doing in life. While writing this post, I took a 2-minute detour from the post to see where I was and did a self-evaluation.

Here…

May 2021

I dont know when or how I got introduced to this chart but I thought it was a great dashboard to have. Especially if you want a single view of where your life is and how you are faring in areas that you often dont even know or track.

In fact, I have been maintaining this spider since Nov 2018. I go back to it every quarter / six months and fill it in. For context, this is how I was when I started.

Nov 2018

I have to admit that the Nov 2018 chart has been the best so far in life. But if I could compare where I was in Jan of this year and where I am in May, there’s a marked improvement.

And the biggest factor, the biggest cause of the change is that I have some work that gives me some money. And that money has allowed me to do a lot more in life in other spheres as well.

So that.

Money, kids. Money.

Ok. In other news, a few days ago, I started volunteering with a friend’s charity. The first few days I could manage the time and energy and effort. But for the last few days, I haven’t been able to contribute at all. To a point that I am feeling guilty for other people’s loss that my inability has been causing. So that. I know I need to fix it. I know I need to start delivering. I plan to. From sometime later in this week. Let’s see when.

So yeah that.

Guess this is about it for the day. Here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 163
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 1. Plus I walked up 8 floors.
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0. Had an Americano Venti with 1 tablespoonful of butter.
  • #noCoke – 75
  • 10 mins of meditation – 1
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 1. 12 rounds. Followed this lady.

So all in all, for the streaks, it was a good day. I dont have time for the Surya Namaskar right now but I will try to get in the meditation bit in for sure. And then maybe towards the evening, I will try to gun for 10K.

Over and out.

240521 – Pause. Move.

I talk about how I finally managed to not feel sleepy during the day yesterday! And a few other things.

6:20 AM
Woke around 6. Scrolled the feeds of Instagram, Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, and Whatsapp. In that order. While still in bed. Yeah, installed all these apps yesterday. After a hiatus of a few days. Realized that I need constant engagement and action and interruptions. I need to be moving all the time. No, not cool. Will come back to this later. Time to make a log of things on top of my head.

So yesterday was the second day on the trot when I worked from a friend’s place. And it was the second day when I was not sleepy during the day. I think it’s the unavailability of the bed. Or may be it’s the fact that I am away from home. However, his place has two issues that I need to solve. A, there’s no desk that I can sit and work on. There’s a table but it’s cramped. Plus, it’s his. I need mine. Second, there’s no AC and in Mumbai, life without AC sucks. Nah, the unavailability of good chairs don’t affect me. I anyway move around a lot.

A solution is to order a desk on Ikea or something. I like Lagkapten. I know he will find space to put it. I think I will. If I go to his place one more day and spend more than 7 hours working, I will order. Let’s see.

The other thing yesterday was that I attended the second day of the Docedge pitching session. I have to say and I don’t say this loosely or frivolously, it was a transformative experience. I will write a longer post on it soon. But thanks to Docedge, I know the kind of stories I want to tell. Non-fiction (or at least inspired by non-fiction), human-first stories that shift the way we think, the way we approach life, and the way we operate. While masala, mass-market Bollywood films are great and help us escape, it is these human stories that move me as a person. I think this is what filmmaking ought to be – real, alive, human-first.

In fact, if you look at the kind of films I like (Sarkar, Swades, Chak De come to mind), while these may sound like Bollywoody, star-studded fictional narratives, at a deeper level, each has a thread of humans and their struggle for finding meaning. There’s a definitive human purpose that the protagonist in each is trying to seek. I am at a loss for words right now but at some point, I will write this at length.

The third thing I have on my head is this entire debate on having your work out there. Or continuing to remain anonymous and chip away till you have chiseled an entire David and then talk about things. I have remained an anonymous antelope all my life and I like that. But I now realize I need to be out there. I need to get shameless about projecting myself and cultivating an image that allows me to get access to more opportunities. It will be a big big move. I have already started to be honest. This podcast is out with me being me, in full glory on video. But then, I am yet to “market” it! I can no longer claim that my picture is not on the internet. I routinely put it on dating websites now. I just need to make the shift in my head and start putting myself out there. I don’t know if it’s the shame at how uncouth I am. Or if it’s the deeper guilt at my underachievement. There’s some deeper emotion at play and I need to tilt that out of my system.

Oh, yesterday, a couple of friends from Goa send a few messages. Even though I may not subscribe to the susegad lifestyle and choices, I for some reason craved to be out there with them. Maybe it’s their eccentricity. Maybe because these were the only people I’ve hung out with lately. Maybe the conversations with them were deeper and richer and beyond the rigmarole that we have in a large city. Maybe because we were closer to nature. I am not sure but I wished I had easier access to them.

In fact, each passing day I am thinking of moving on from Mumbai to Goa. And then keep shuttling as and when required. I know it’s not advisable that you straddle two boats at the same time but then I am one of those that believe that Ajay Devgan could have continued on with his life like that.

Not just bikes, our man has been on cars and even trucks!

I know Goa doesn’t offer me reliable, stable Internet. I know Goa doesn’t have the ecosystem and amenities that I need (Starbucks, AC, people around me who want to work, public transportation et al) but I know that there’s something about the place that attracts me. Or may be, I just was to escape from where I am.

Damn I love the idea of being on the move all the time.

I know I had given myself till the end of May to figure out my next destination. I am yet to take that decision. Let’s see what happens.

Anyhow. So as I end this, here’s a gift for you. A playlist of music I listen to as I drift to sleep. Here.

Guess this is about it for the day. Here’s streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 162
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0, I will probably remove this. I am making coffee a constant companion.
  • #noCoke – 74
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

230521 – Ennui and my attempt at fending it off!

A quick post on my attempts to fend off the boredom that has set in. And an attempt to find some sanity.

8:13 AM
Woke up a while ago. The alarm first rang at 5. I was supposed to record a podcast at 830 but canceled it last night. There’s so much pain around me that I was in no position to make a coherent conversation. It’s really affecting my work and all 🙁

In fact, the last night I was on the bed for hours and couldn’t find sleep. I was so fried that even playing a game of chess was a pain. I just couldn’t even surf Youtube or any other website. I think ennui is back.

Actually, come to think of it, it’s not ennui per se. I think it was the mental fatigue that you feel after you spend a hard day at work. While it was not a hard day per se, I did do a few things. In fact, during the day yesterday, I had a breakthrough of sorts. Since I was sleeping all the time while I was home house, I decided I will go to a friend’s place.

And I did.

I went to a friend’s place to work. While the table there was cramped and the chair was uncomfortable, I managed to spend enough and more time on a computer. To a point that I even put the writing page live! Of course, I need to add a lot more to this page. But I made the start.

Plus I was not sleepy. I did not sleep. I did not feel drowsy. Maybe it was the venti Americano that I had. And all this despite the place not being to my liking. He did not have an AC in the hall and I was sweating like a pig with all the garmi. But I managed to stay alert till about 6 and I spoke to new people. I was as much in the zone as I would be on a regular working day. I plan to go to his place today as well. Let’s see how today goes. I have to finish three large presentations today. If I can manage these, It would be awesome and I would know that things that

In other news, yesterday, I attended the pitching session of DocEdge. It was awe-inspiring, spell-binding, and eye-opening to say the least. Filmmakers from across the world presented the projects they are working on, on subjects that ranged from personal stories to communities to even national boundaries. I realized that I am living in a cocoon and the cinema I want to stand for is probably in the non-fiction space. I mean I do want to entertain the world and all that but I really want to inspire the world as well and what better way to do that than cinema?

Oh, and in attendance was a filmmaker that has won a Palme d’Or. Adding that to my #lifeGoals!

So that.

Like I said, I have three decks to write today. And attend DocEdge sessions. And think of how I can make a dent in the world. I plan to go over to the friend’s place again today and see how I perform.

So yeah. That’s about it for the day. Over and out. And here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 161
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0 (had coffee yesterday. Will have more today as well)
  • #noCoke – 73
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 1 (did 12 rounds)

The Ultimate Guide to Writing Better

If you want to write better, look no further than this ultimate list of tools, tips, tricks and more from some of the greatest writers ever.

Bob Dylan, one of the most epic storytellers, songwriters, activists, and of course musicians once use these few words, “Come gather ’round people, wherever you roam”.

Thing is, writing well is a superpower, and it’s a gift that continues to give, even long after you’ve done the work. At least I have benefitted immensely from my love for writing. I can’t say I write well. But I know that when I write and when people (friends, families, and even strangers) read what I have written, they are deeply moved. May be they are lying, may be they are being polite. Maybe it’s a random occurrence.

Irrespective.

All I know is that a lot of good has come out from my writing and I sincerely think more and more people must write. Write more. Write in public. Write to publish. To achieve immortality. To be able to reach out to more people. To get access to the hive mind that you will never get if you keep your thoughts closeted.

In fact, I am sort of an activist that keeps telling everyone I know to go write whatever they can, however they can and wherever they can. And to do that I have a few things running right now and this page will archive all those.

Hope this helps.

A. A list of recommended books / guides that I think are useful.

These are not in any order. And this is an evolving list.

  1. On Writing. By the legendary Stephen King. Must add that King has written one of the best pieces of film that I’ve ever seen.
  2. Consider This. By Chuck Palahniuk. Of the Fight Club fame. Enough said.
  3. Julian Shapiro’s Writing Well Handbook. Julian has to be among the best polymaths I know. He goes deep into things that excite him, becomes a sort of master at those. And then he condenses the process into easy to consume guides that are better than the most authoritative guidebooks on that subject. Best of all, free! ? ? ?
  4. What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. By Murakami. If there’s one writer that I can’t understand and yet the world can’t stop raving about, it’s Murakami. I don’t know what is it about his writing that moves people. When I started reading, I would pick up his books and marvel at the worlds he would create. I would try and make sense of the fetish people have with things as ordinary as the shape of the ears and paintings and distant Japanese prefectures. But alas, despite me trying, I was unable to understand what he said or spoke. However what he talks about in What I Talk About When I Talk About Running makes a lot of sense. As someone who wants to learn writing. And as someone who wants to learn running.

B. A WhatsApp Group.

I run a WA Group where I often share whatever little I know about writing. This include links to various articles that I find helpful, some prompts, tips from acclaimed writers and more things.

Some things that I have posted there are…

In case you want to join the group, it is here.

C. Misc.

Again, this is a WIP list that I will keep adding to / removing from.

  1. ship30for30.com. I have NOT taken this as a challenge as yet. I would have loved to, it not for the prohibitive price. I wish I had the money. In fact, I am tempted to something similar for people that have weaker currencies.
  2. Twitter List (maintained by me). This is a list of other writers that I admire and love. I follow these people religiously for the writing advice they give out.

So that’s about it for the time being. Will continue to work on this.

Oh, I must say, while you may consume all the resources and read all the books and all that, the best way to get better with writing is, well, by writing more!

All the best!

Disclaimers…

  • Last updated on 22 May 2021.
  • In case you want me to add/remove something to this list, please do let me know.

220521 – Life and Death

A short post about my understanding of life and death. No, it’s not very rosy.

7:10 AM
Yesterday was weird. For some reason, I could not function. I was on the computer since the morning but I could not function at all. I was like a zombie. I was not thinking, not reacting, not doing. I was on a computer On one side, I am chilling with the two kids I adore more than anything else in life. And on another, someone close in the extended family passed away. I have known him to be a funny, respectful, and full of life person. I think I’ve even gone on holidays with him as a kid – you know when you’d pack yourself into a big car and would go in large groups to hill stations? That. While there is some sort of sadness over the passing of the said relative, I am more or less. To a point that apart from that momentary thought about him and how he looked and who all do I know from the family, I had no feeling of loss. To be honest, I’ve felt a far more personal loss at the passing of celebrities that I did not know of. Heck, I was disturbed by days when I heard about the passing of Steve Jobs. Even the scandals about Jeff and Bill. I was more fucked in the head when one of my colleagues passed away and even when one of my poker buddies passed away (even though I hadn’t heard from him in years).

I am not sure if I should be ashamed of this indifference towards someone who was close. Or I should be proud of my indifference towards someone who was close. I don’t know. I just know that death is messy and I am severely unequipped to handle the emotions that it invokes. To me, despite COVID, death has remained an academic thing. That happens to others, in books, and in popular media. This time I have lost people that are close and that I have spoken to and shared meals with and all that. And yet I remain emotionless. May be such is life. Such is the world. May be Steve was right all along. He said, “Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

#note2self. See Steve Jobs’ video. Here…

So that.

Moving on.

Today’s Saturday. And that means a lot of distractions won’t be around. Plus I have been slacking for some days now. I will probably pull my socks and get more things done. I will also try and work out from a friend’s place to prevent myself from plopping myself on a bed. I am sick and tired of working from home. I need a change in scenery for sure. I miss going to an office, I miss the energy of others. I can’t wait for a Starbucks to open. I can’t wait for the lockdown to go away. The way things are stacked in Mumbai, I think we would be out of the lockdown by the first week of June. I am so so so looking forward to it.

Guess this is it. There’s more to write but I will take a pause and do some Surya Namaskars. Been a few days.

Here’s the streak…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 160
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 3
  • #noCoke – 72
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

PS: Today on, I will try and title the post with what’s on my mind.

210521 – Meditations

A quick post on a few things that are clouding my head. Hoping to get some clarity. None seems to be coming.

6:42. Woke a few minutes ago. Had slept at 10ish if I am not wrong. So 8+ hours. And I groggy. Lol!

Decided yesterday that I will go for a walk after publishing this. I did. Walked for about an hour (about 6K steps, not 10K). And saw this video. Will see something else as I walk today. By the time I was back from the walk, it was 10 and I was literally late for work and meetings. But it was good to get the walk in. I even managed 10 minutes of meditation before the calls were to start. So that’s cool.

The morning pages. Lemme use bullets. Like yesterday. Allows me greater flexibility.

A. So at work, I am struggling. I am lagging behind on things. I think a large reason is all the infinite meetings that I am supposed to be a part of. I have to find a way to reduce those. I had thought I would create a maker-manager schedule and stick to that. But as someone in the middle management, my time is required by the ones I report to, and then by the ones that work with me. There are numerous status checks and updates required and I just can not take away three days from the week for that. May be I can start with one day a week where I would not take any calls and spend that time thinking deeply? Let’s see.

B. Oh, I am still tripping onto the restoration videos on Youtube. What I love about those is that people that restore things, they are on the project for days. It’s like seeing a master-painter at work. It’s like seeing a magnum opus come to life. In front of your eyes! It is more or less one person, showcasing their prowess with disciplines like woodwork, painting, lathe machines, sandblasting, metal, electronics, and more. In fact, there is some perverse pleasure that you get in opening up screws and how things work. I remember, as a child, I loved the idea of opening up all the devices that I could – of course, not a lot of those – I did not have a big set of screwdrivers or drill machines with all those bits. I think any child growing up in safe homes has to have access to these screwdrivers and opportunities to further their curiosity. So that!

C. I have started to get active on Twitter all over again. No, I haven’t seen any uptick in my following list (actually, it’s slipping down by the day). But I am consuming more content that I prefer. Without Twitter, my primary source of information was news and that is, well, news. I wasn’t learning new things, I wasn’t satiating my curiosity, I wasn’t enjoying.

Since I’ve been back on Twitter, I am back in the zone where I look forward to tweets and interacting with people. I love how my reading inbox is full again and actually overflowing. I am back to getting inspired by random acts of strangers on the timeline. Like this tweet…

Two of the most-followed people on Twitter Internet are talking about capturing things that they learn. I am so impressed that I want to do something similar. Krishna used to run a newsletter where he would write things that he learned in the week gone by. It was such a pain it’s not funny. I used to write a letter every day where I would talk about what I learned (SoG Letters). Used to take me over an hour and despite sending those out for more than a year, I was unable to get traction. And like any such project, I stopped sending those. Thing is, I need external validation for everything I do.

Like these two people are talking, the daily lessons list probably becomes unsustainable. However, in my case, I am sure I learn more things each day than I can log. I may not be able to write a letter but I can definitely put a tweet as I end my day. I am supposed to start from today. Let’s see how it goes.

Oh, this also feeds my lust of owning an audience. You know, like a celebrity does. Now, I dont have anything that a celeb may have – looks, charm, talent etc. So, its literally impossible. But I want to try.

Why would I want an audience, you may ask. The thing is, I don’t want fame per se. I don’t want people asking for autographs. But what I do want is access to people that I would not have otherwise. I have seen, learned, observed that if you have an audience, doors open easily for you. And that’s what I am after. For people like me that don’t have some innate talents, it’s the relationships that open the doors. Doors to a better life, better opportunities, and in general, better things.

Let’s see how I chase this betterness over the next few days.

That’s about it. Over and out for the day. See you guys tomorrow. Here’s the streak.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 159
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 2
  • #noCoke – 71
  • 10 mins of meditation – 2
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

200521 – Meditations

This post was a pain to write. To a point that it took me more than 90 minutes and yet I couldn’t get anything of value in. Sigh.

7:25.
Woke up a while ago. Slept for some 7 hours, if not more. No, no dreams per se that I can recall. The body is sore. Guess will walk around a bit and get some water.

7:46.
Puttered around. I could see the lights in my head switching on. You know, how in a big house you sort of switch on the lights one after another and the dark places showers with bright light, one room at a time. That.

So lemme make a list of things on the top of my head.

A. BTC crash. I don’t know if I want to call it a crash. I don’t understand it as well to even qualify it as crash or buying opportunity or correction or whatever. But it’s incredible that tweets from one Elon Musk and a piece of news from China could affect the price so much. There’s something fundamental that I don’t understand that almost all the intelligent people I know seem to know! So that.

B. Yesterday, on a tweet, Paras Chopra (I don’t know him but would love to) asked “How many hours of peak productivity are you able to squeeze out on an average day?

Peak productivity = being capable of original work with fresh ideas.”

On a cursory glance, I saw that the responses there ranged from 1 hour to 4. I reckon I can put in 2-3 good hours on a good day. These good days are getting few and far between. Anyway, so there was this response from Bhavin Turakhia where he simply said “10-12”.

No wonder the dude is doing so well at such a young age!

Must try and get the focus back. #note2self

8:19.
Still not feeling a 100% after more than an hour of waking up. Not sure what else to write. Maybe I will come back to the post in a bit. Lemme take a break and get on with the day.

C. A friend on Twitter pointed out at this talk on fasting by Dr. Jamnadas. I’ve been thinking a lot about food and eating and fasting and energy and more. I even got started on an expensive food service (been 2 days and I am yet to see any change in how I am).

Maybe this video comes at an opportune time. Guess I will see the video and make changes in how I eat and all that. Let’s see. In case you are lazy to click on the link, see this video for a bit.

D. The other thought that I had, while writing this piece is that maybe I am so lethargic and so sleepy and so unhinged because I am not stepping out of the house? May be because I am spending way too much time on the screens – laptop, phone, etc. Maybe I need to start walking more. During the last lockdown, I would go for long walks. This time around, I am not walking at all. Nah, I can workout. I can’t do yoga. But I love walking and there’s no reason why I can’t go out for a walk often. In fact, must go now. Work be damned. If I am not feeling ok, what’s the point of work?

Oh and today when I leave for a walk, I will wear shoes. Primarily, to make it easy when I walk. And second, to try and build a habit or something around it. And while I walk, I can see the above video. Good idea!

E. So now that it’s settled that I will go for at least an hour long walk after I publish this, I need to plan the day in a way that I get more things done. And this includes participating in all the useless meetings that are called upon for no reason. There are quite a few things open at various ends. Everytime I look at my Asana, I cringe 🙁

I am actually effective at things. To a point that I can get a lot done. There are days when I am freakishly productive and there are days when I slack so much that I dont know what hit me. I just need to identify these patterns and slot my work, my life in a way that things get done. And I get breaks as well. So that.

F. The other thing that just dawned on me while I was writing this is I want to make losing my data a regular feature. What I mean is that it’s been a few days since I lost all my data and to be honest, I don’t feel as bad or I don’t feel as lost as I was in the first 15 minutes of the loss. I’ve made peace with it, I guess. I just need to now repeat this often. You know, after every month or so, wipe the phone clean. Whatever needs to be saved can be saved on a drive but I will delete all conversations, photos, and other such ephemeral things often. Setting a remind for 1 Jun 2021. Let’s see if I actually do it!

So, guess this is about it for the day. This one was a struggle to write. Will go for a walk. Meanwhile, here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 158
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 1. Stopped coffee from yesterday on.
  • #noCoke – 70. I am very very tempted to have a coke. Damn. Let’s see if I can avoid it.
  • 10 mins of meditation – 1. Did 10 minutes after few days. Was tough but I am glad I managed.
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

Ending this at 8:49 AM

190521 – Meditations

A quick post on things that are the top of my head this fine Wednesday morning.

8:29. Woke up 3 minutes ago. Had to be up at 7 to attend a docresi session. But could not 🙁 Damn damn damn. Must stop coffee. Back to the dangerous levels. Today on, it’s a strict no. Even if I need to work for long hours.

I have a long day ahead that I am already running behind 🙁

Ok. No rant. Not the first thing that I write. It’s 8:43 (took 15 minutes to wash my face, find music to play and all that). I will write till 9 and then get on with the day. Let’s see what all I get in.

In no order, things are the top of my head.

A. In the last 2 days, two different people (AAPune, HABlr) have asked me for tips and help on writing better. One of them is sort of close. Other is a mere business acquaintance. Plus a friend’s friend’s uncle wants to write his biography. I am working with him as well. So I am not just approached by friends. Yay! I am not sure what nudged them to seek help but I loved that I could recommend things to people and help them write more. I think the ability to write is a brilliant gift and if people think that I can help, why not! I think I will make a page where I would list almost all writing resources that I recommend and use! #note2self

B. I had a longish chat with AD yesterday where we spoke about things that I could do. While I want to do well with things, it somehow struck me that I want to be a deal maker. Or in ugly parlance, a power broker. I want to be someone that knows someone who can get things done for someone. I think I knew this forever and it’s just that it is not that I am being able to articulate this. I mean, I may have written this earlier, in some other post or some other place.

Thing is, I am not a doer per se. I don’t want to work on everything that I touch. I’d rather help connect dots and let the others figure the next steps. You want to buy cigarettes? I know someone. You want something exotic? I know where you could procure it. You want something done? I know just the right guy. So on and so forth.

I want to be that guy with a big Rolodex who knows which two people must talk.

Of course, there is no revenue model on this – I don’t want to charge a commission to connect things and people. I definitely don’t want to execute and then charge a fee. So I don’t know about the revenue model. At some point in time, will figure this out. Let’s see when I can do this.

C. The house hunt has come to a grinding halt over the last few days. I’ve been unable to search as I have kept busy with work and general randomness. I need to get out of this place before the end of June for sure. So need to up the effort on that.

I need to find a house that offers me space. And if possible a bird’s eye view into the distance. Right now, it has rained and I can see some green around where I live and it’s so so so soothing and pleasing to the eyes that I want to just continue to stare at it. So that.

Guess that’s about it. I mean there’s more but there are more pressing things to get to. And it’s 9:00.

Time to hit publish.

Oh, here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 157
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #noCoke – 69
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

180521 – Morning Pages

Longish rant on relationships, life and Hero’s worship. Inspired by the conduct of Bill Gates and other Heroes that I look upto to.

7:40. Yet again, a night when I did not sleep till about 3. And yet again I am groggy and yet again everything hurts. I need to fix this erratic schedule. I don’t even know what’s causing it. Coffee could be one. But I think there’s something deeper at play here. I will investigate and find out this week for sure.

Anyhow. Let’s get to work. Quite a few things to be done. Before I do that, here’s the track of the day is this. Listen here…

It was incredible yesterday. The kind of weather I have never seen in Mumbai. Truth be told, I was a tad bit scared when the winds were howling and the thundering on the windows and despite myself shutting into a closed room I could see things flying around. Heart goes out of the ones that don’t have shelter. I may not tell this to anyone else but since I sort of bare myself on the blog, I have to admit that I walked some 6000 steps in the rain. It felt longer, to be honest, but it was indeed all of 6K steps. This walking in the rain is my biggest guilty pleasure. To a point that I can drop everything I am on and just walk. At those times I don’t even care about my phone getting wet or clothes getting drenched. The muck and mud and fallen leaves and other things that I typically hate, all become a part of me. The water being showered on you may keep changing its speed but when you are out walking, it pierces your skin and literally cleanses the soul. Oh, I love baarish! And walks. Sigh!

As I write this, it’s 8:20 and it’s still windy and breezy and cold and nice outside. If I can finish this post by 9ish, I will probably go for a short walk.

So that.

The other thing that’s clouding my head is the entire Bill Gates and Melinda Gates controversy. Thing is, Bill Gates has been a role model, an inspiring figure since I can remember. He was the original person I wanted to be before Steve Jobs became the thing and then Paul Graham took Steve’s place.

Bill Gates has it all, done it all. I mean he is among the richest people in the world with all the wealth that you can imagine. His best friends include people like Warren Buffett (who himself seemed to have an open marriage). His work with philanthropy is what legends are made up of. He literally gave all his wealth away to fix some of the biggest problems in the world. His thoughts, his writing, his work have been a beacon of hope in the world we live in. At the times we live in.

Damn!

A few months ago, it was Jeff. This time, it’s Bill. I mean why’s it that these people can’t seem to keep their emotions at bay? With all the attention and access they have, why would they chase temporary pleasure to jeopardize all that they’ve stood for their lives? At the level you are at and the impact you are delivering, you do not have to conform to society. No one will ask you a question. Look at film stars and professional athletes and others of the ilk. They are at least open about their chase.

I am actually beginning to think if monogamy is a mere societal construct that’s been around to tame both men and women into becoming milder versions of themselves? I mean if despite all their wealth and power and position and all that the most powerful men and women can’t continue to stay with one partner, there must be some flaw. No?

Thing is, when ordinary people philander, you tend to ignore. You blame their actions on unhappy unions, alcohol, a lapse in judgment et al. But when the hero’s fall, you start questioning the very foundation of your belief system. Hero’s are supposed to know it. They have to have better control and mastery over their emotions. They are heroes for a reason! Plus, you’ve literally built your entire life chasing these heroes and hopes of walking in their shoes someday. It just sucks when they do things that are un-hero-like! Damn!

I felt like I was sucker-punched when I heard about Jeff. Of course, he managed the crisis far better than how Bill is managing. No, I am not justifying their actions. I am on the fence about the institution of marriage (leaning away from it, to be honest). I know I will probably not get married ever. Lol, never say never.

But then if it’s affecting me so much that these people were seeing others out of their marriages, may be, at the subconscious level, I like the idea of stable, 1v1, relationships? If I reflect on my life, I think the first real romantic relationship happened when I was at MDI. Since then I’ve had many more. I have been more “out” of relationships, than “in”.

Wait.

What’s the point of this?

I am digressing.

The larger point is that I must stop with this all adulation about heroes. I must cease the hero worship. I need to accept that people are fallible. People change. It’s ok to cut them some slack. You were born alone, you will die alone. Even the ones closest to you can only make the suffering easy, when you suffer. Why else do you need someone around?

It’s not an easy answer.

I think a large part of why I probably can’t sleep is because I miss having that special someone around? I mean I do have a few great friends that I can confide in, even if they don’t understand me (or may be am unable to make myself understand). Maybe I crave another human’s touch. You know, like a real hug and not one of those virtual things. I have to admit that I did sleep better when I could hug someone and drift into the dreamland. Except for the sore neck the morning after.

Ok. I don’t know where I am going with this. It’s 9:17 and I need to get on with the day. More some other day.

Here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 156
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0. Did about 6K in rain!
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #noCoke – 68
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0. Broke a 3-day streak.
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

170521 – Meditations

A quick post as I start what looks like a long week ahead!

8:46. I woke up 10 minutes ago. It’s probably after a while that I’ve slept in this late. Must stop all the coffee and midnight snacking adventures.

Mumbai is reporting fantastic weather right now. It’s raining and it’s windy. From the vantage point of my window, while for the most part I can just stare at other buildings and look into the bedrooms of my neighbors, I can see a bit of sky, and it’s everything I love – deep blue, dark, cloudy, and more. These are the times I wish I was back at Wadhwa – I once lived on the 24th floor of a high-rise and I think it was one of the best decisions of my life. Must make an attempt to get back to that!

Anyhow. So track of the day, that I am listening to loop on is this rendition of Afreen Afreen by this singer, Soumyadeep Sikdar of the Murshidabadi Project. I just can’t get over this person’s voice. And the emotion with which he sings. Love it! Once you’ve heard that, hop over to Chaap Tilak.

So on Sunday, I bumped into someone senior (HT) that I immensely respect. I know him since 2015, I think. And since then I have been mighty impressed by his clarity, direction, and knack for getting things done. I also realized his talent with effortless charm. For one, he remembered each tiny insignificant thing about me. He asked me about book2. Wow. And slap on the face ;p! Plus, He was all praises about how I do multiple things and so on and so forth. And then he had the same feedback for me like a lot of others – find one thing and get so good at it that you are the best at it across saat samandar. And I think it made sense. And I will work on it over the next few months. So that.

I mean if I was not straddling so many boats, I would probably be unable to survive the lockdown (events – my primary occupation took a beating and I could quickly shift to marketing consulting) and that’s the validation for my chasing multiple dreams. That worked well in crisis and would probably fail when things were ok. Let’s see if I actually move the needle towards getting good at brand strategy on digital mediums.

I also used Sunday to write my review of Nomadland. Here. Wrote a thing for public consumption after a long-time. Lemme know what you think.

In other news, I start Keto today. I plan to do a 30-day cycle. Since there is no travel planned (except the day when I need the next dose of my vaccine), I should be ok. Let’s see. About 10-12 days in, depending on how my system reacts to it, I will try to reduce calorific intake. And then eventually move towards OMAD. Let’s see how this one goes.

More than just Keto, this is my larger attempt at remaining fit. This lockdown has been detrimental to my health. I am eating way too many carbs at all hours and I am fucking my health like I’ve never done. Even in the last lockdown, I managed to eat better. At least I was walking more. I may not be able to control the world outside, the one that resides in me, I can control that for sure. I can control what goes in – food, air, thoughts. I can for sure nudge my thoughts in a better direction. The last few days have been extremely taxing. There’s just way too many people out there that are suffering and then there’s way too much noise that is literally deafening. But then, I should be able to control.

I dont have anything else to talk about. I mean I do. But not for the time being.

So yeah. That. Here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 155
  • #aPicADay – 0
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 0
  • #noCoke – 67
  • 10 mins of meditation – 3
  • #book2 – 0
  • Killer Boogie – 0
  • Surya Namaskar – 0

PS: Removed a few things from the streak-tracker.

PPS: I realised that I am in a far better mood, even though there’s nothing to be happy about. Just because its not hot and its raining and there’s clouds outside! Yay!