Author: Saurabh Garg

270321 – Meditations

A mundane update about how I am living, feeling, thinking and all that on this Saturday morning.

7:09. Andheri.

And we have a new theme. I got talking to a fellow planner (KS) yesterday and her inputs told me that I need to work on my website. And I agree. So, over the next few days, I will experiment with various looks and themes and so on and so forth. Let’s see how it goes.

The biggest news of yesterday is that I couldn’t manage the 48-hour fast that I had planned. I did about 38 and then I quit. I was not hungry, to be honest. I think it was the fact that I was “live-tweeting” the fast and every time I would put a tweet out, I’d think about food so much that I would miss it! Plus the survival gene probably kicked in – how can this body be starving and yet talking and thinking about food. The other thing that happened was that I was stressed and I had to eat to manage it. So that.

It was cool, to be honest, but when I broke the fast, I ate like a pig. Three full meals. In one go. And then some packets of chips. And then another. Damn. And was bloated to a point that I could not concentrate on work. I need to identify food that bloats me and stop having those. I also need to fix my water situation. I think I retain way too much water. Maybe I will log everything I eat and how I feel after that? How tough could it be? I am perpetually on my phone and it’s one more note that I need to make. No?

Let’s see. It’s too much effort but why not? I have to live long. And prosper.

The good news is that I can do these fasts at the drop of the hat. I just need to do them longer. And do them more frequently. My ideal state is when I’d be having 6 meals in a week. Let’s see.

And then add some sort of a workout in my plan. I also need to quit on all the tea I am having. The thing is, when I wake up, I am not tired. Neither am I irritable. But I know that I hardly get any sleep. I don’t think I get dreams. Dark circles and bags under my eyes are now as big as a Kangaroo has and I can have an offspring live under those. So that needs to be fixed.

What else to talk about?

Well, I am creatively stuck. At both work and non-work projects. At work, I cant seem to crack a simple presentation. I’ve been at it for more than 2 weeks now. On non-work projects (Aram Nagar, Films, book2, aPicADay, etc.), I cant seem to crack ideas that are interesting or inspiring. I know I can be that mediocre person and deliver whatever crap I can come up with. And more or less, people would accept it. Most things, projects, etc are waddling in mediocrity. But then how do I face myself after I deliver the work?

I think that’s about it for the day. The track of the day is Jagjit Singh’s Koi Fariyaad. Here. The plan for the day is to spend time with Surbhi. And try and work (remember those projects that I am stuck with?).

That’s it for the time being. Before I move on, here’s the streak…

  • Morning Pages – 106
  • #aPicADay – 86
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 17. Quitting tea as well. Even if that means I need to stop going to Starbucks. Moving to only water or lemonade.
  • #noCoke – 17
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

260321 – Meditations

A quick post on insignificant things that could only be important to me! Such as rechristening of Morning Pages to Meditations.

7:51. Andheri .

It’s official. I am rechristening morning pages as meditations. I am not sure what Morning Pages was supposed to capture but I do know that these short posts that I write before I start my day are like meditations. Quite discussions with myself where I think by writing about things that are clouding my head. I talk about my fears and hopes and ambitions and ideas and thoughts and I am very very naked while I do that. This is what people like Naval and Marcus would call meditations. Probably. I am calling it these pages meditation. Took me just 105 days to do so ;P

So the COVID situation in Mumbai continues to be scary. Another day when we had more than 5000 cases. And yet I continue to hang out at Starbucks. I have one eye on the clock as I write this. I like the idea of an empty cafe, AC on full blast, and me pacing around while I think about whatever I am working on. Which is a lot of things ;P

The other thing that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about is this film that I wanted to make during the lockdown about those universal 36 questions that apparently bring people together (even though it has never worked for me). With the Aram Nagar piece on its way, I think it’s time I start thinking about the 36 Questions as well. Wait. Am I not repeating the pattern where I start a new thing before I finish an old one? Grrr, Mr. Garg.

In other news, I’ve been fasting since 1 AM of the 25th. So I am over 24 hours. I am thinking if I can manage to fast today as well, I will start Keto from tomorrow for about 2 weeks. If nothing else, it will help me lose weight. Keto works for me for sure. Everytime I’ve done it, I have seen results (only to gain the weight back) but may be this time it’s different? After all each day when you wake up, you get up with the hope that today is different. No?

This is about it for the day. I do have a LOT to write (I met a friend yesterday and she made me realize all the things that I do wrong and I need to work on those. I need to write about those, think on those and fix those). But not today. I need time to process (those inputs were pointed at the very core of who I am and how I operate in life. I need to either go on a drive or think deeply about those before I can being to put them in open. Need to take a few hours to write that piece. Let’s see when I get to do it. I may go for a drive with VG tonight. If that happens, I will get all the time to think about things.

Makes me realize how bad I want a car and the ability to take off without waiting for something, someone. Damn, Mr. Garg. Control your horses.

Chalo, gotta go. Before I go, here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 105
  • #aPicADay – 85
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0. Been fasting since 1 AM of the 25th Mar. So 24+ hours. Gunning for 48.
  • #noCoffee – 16
  • #noCoke – 16
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0.

250321 – Morning Pages

A quick post about ambitions, expectations, hurt, bitterness and COVID.

6:46 AM. I woke up a minute ago. Made my bed. Opened the window to the world outside and put on some music. I felt like listening to this one. And here I am typing this morning meditation.

Yeah, the morning pages need to be rechristened as morning meditations. That’s what these are. Thoughts from things that are clouding my head. For example, I slept last night thinking about how humbling the entire idea of life is. About how success is the only way you get to make great friends. About how the action (and not perfection) is what makes the world go round.

Something happened and I was fucked in the head last night. To a point, I thought I would quit things that trigger it. You know, social media. More than that, expectation from people. But then I don’t know if it was Louise Hay or Morgan Housel or Seneca or even Prof. SG that told me that all misery is in expectation. And once you stop expecting things, you are sort of free. So that happened.

The other thing that caught my eye is this tweet from PG. He postulates that people like me are “bitter and highly effective at realizing that bitterness.”

From Paul Graham. See this.

Now, I know that I am smart.
I also know that I am ambitious.
And I have yet to achieve anything, leave alone “very much”. If PG says such people are bitter, they ought to be. However, in my case, I am anything but bitter. Rather, this non-achievement makes me do more. Push more. Open more doors. May be, secretly I am. Maybe this bitterness is that part of my life that I don’t know that exists. You know, the ‘unknown self’ of Johari Window. So I need to think about it.

The other thing I am worried about is rising COVID cases in Mumbai. Now we officially have more cases than we ever had. More than when the pandemic was at its peak and we were banging bartans and lighting candles and chanting mantras and all that. Yesterday we had more than 5000 cases in Mumbai alone (out of 40000 odd that were tested). When you look at the number, it looks small, considering we have almost 2 crore people in the city. But when you juxtapose (I love this word) on people like me that are super-social (even if I am pseudosocial) that meet thousands of people, the risk gets real.

So that.

I think this is about it. There are more things that I’ve written on my echoChamber about the thing that I was fucked in the head about. Someday all of it will go in my biography. If I ever become someone whose story is worth telling the next generations. Lol. Everyone wants to be immortal.

Anyhow, that’s it for the short post. At some point in time I need to get back to writing till my heart’s full. May be when I actually start waking up at 5. Or when they start a Starbucks that opens at 5. Morning is the best damn time ever.

And here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 104
  • #aPicADay – 84
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0 (ate 4 full meals – damn stress eating).
  • #noCoffee – 15
  • #noCoke – 15
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0. I still haven’t been able to wake up at 5.

The Aram Nagar Documentary

An introduction to the Aram Nagar Project. A documentary where I want to explore this place called Aram Nagar.

I won’t be exaggerating if I said that Bollywood fuels the dreams of millions of people and gives hope to billions. I have been so enamored by it that my first book, The Nidhi Kapoor Story (2015) was all about it!

And then, thanks to luck, sometime in 2018 I met Shikha and we somehow created The Red Sparrow (largely her effort) and it took me deeper into the glamourous world of the film stars that I had never imagined I could get access to.

And alongside, I saw first-hand how the world works. I saw how people you call friends stab you in the back to get a shot at fame, how guardian angels support you even if you are nobody, how the industry is and wants to remain a closed circle, how your heroes fail you, and how thousands of people chase the ever-illusive dreams of seeing their names and faces on the posters and hoardings that adorn the towns and cities across the country.

Truth be told, these dreams do come true. But only for a handful of these dreamers. The handful that “make it” make the headlines. And the hoardings. And more. The millions that are left behind are well, left behind. They become like that distant relative that you know you have to talk about but you get uncomfortable their name is brought up.

These people start their “career” in relative anonymity and spend their entire lives hoping to get that fleeting shot at fame. The hopes, more or less get dashed! Even though these people work the longest hours, in a neverending rat race. Slog the most even when they know they would likely face rejection. Face non-stop rejections, only to chin up and show up the next day. Hold their dreams the closest to their chests and open their hearts the widest. Seek and lend shoulders to others of their ilk. And hang out at communes at, well, Aram Nagar.

Aram Nagar.

Aram Nagar is where the cine aspirants go to learn the craft and hone their skills, participate in auditions that can make or break their lives, cry when the dreams are shattered, rejoice at even a remote hint of opportunity, celebrate their victories, play with each other and scheme and plot and plan and conjure elaborate ideas to get “noticed”. By casting directors, if not by the directors or producers themselves.

Aram Nagar.

A lazy village characterized by a tangled maze of gullys and dusty footpaths and bungalows in various stages of ruin. Most of these bungalows tote a “no audition” sign on their facade and yet there is always a group of “strugglers” hanging out. Hoping that they would get “spotted” and get that shot! After all, everyone has heard stories of how some random kid playing cricket at the maidaan was chosen for a meaty role. If this could happen to them, why not to us? That tiny, fragile thread that they call hope is a bitch. You don’t want to let go. You don’t want to stay tethered.

Aram Nagar.

Aram Nagar is their solace. It’s their hope. It’s where these people that want to conquer the world get called “strugglers”. A tag that gets attached to their lives till they make it.

It is this wondrous world of Aram Nagar that Mudit and I wish to explore, investigate, capture and immortalize.

Both of us are enamored by it. Both of us are keen on understanding the phenomenon. Both of us want to know more about the people that have left their homes behind. In search of what they think is their rightful place in the world.

More in the next few days as we get closer to doing this. Meanwhile, if you know people from Aram Nagar, please do connect me with them and help me pick their brains for this.

Update. 24 Jun 2021.
We put out an audition call for people that know more about Aram Nagar. Here…

The audition call for the Aram Nagar Documentary with Mudit

PS: Also, the content on this page is my version of the project. I am sure Mudit has some flavor to add. He may even disagree with a few of these things. So that.

240321 – Morning Pages

Quick post on things that are at the top of my head. And what I am doing about those.

8:26 AM. Starbucks. I dont have a lot of time today to write a long-drawn post. This will be a short post.

First things first. Yesterday, I got myself a financial planner.

No, I don’t have a lot of money to invest, barely any, come to think of it. But I realized I need some discipline. And thus the planner. In all of yesterday, I opened an MF account, activated my stockbroking account, made a spreadsheet to track money, and a few more things. Took me an hour but I did it. If you are reading this and do not belong to the Ambani-Adani clan, you must do this. No, I am yet to see any benefit but I know it would be useful next time we have a COVID kind of crisis.

To augment what she tells me, I think I will read more and more about practical finance. You know, things like Rich Dad, Poor Dad et al. Like I said earlier. I am reading Psychology of Money. Lemme talk about it a bit. The funny thing is that there is NOT one thing new that this book tells me. I know most things that MH has written. Really. I don’t mean to be boastful. But I know. However, the thing is, despite knowing all that, I am poor. I am in debt. So there’s something wrong for sure. Maybe I just have the academic knowledge and I lack what it takes to translate ideas into action? May be combined with the financial advisor, I would see some change? I am hoping I will figure out soon. Maybe the importance I gave to the freedom of time needs to be coupled with knowledge and action about the importance of money? Lets see.

Talking of reading, I am also reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. This is again a self-help book and again, as I read this, I am nodding at every line and I think I know most of what she’s talking about. Lol.

Here’s a thing. I have oscillated on the two extremes about self-help books. There are times when I love them and recommend those to people. And there are times when I abhor them to a point that I scoff at people that I spot reading these books. I know, I shouldn’t do this but then that’s how I am.

The next I want to read is 48 Laws of Power. I had read it when I was a kid and I need to re-read it. This rereading was a project that I started with Anubhab. He’s read the entire thing but I did not even start. Need to action it. Once I finish either the money book or the life book.

After this, I think I will spend all of 2021 reading as many self-help books around money as I can lay my hands on. What books would you recommend? Repeat. Selfhelp. On money. You know, books like Rich Dad, Poor Dad, etc. #help!

To be honest, the only good thing is that I am back to reading. Last few days weeks months years, I hadnt read anything serious. Except long-form pieces on blogs and websites. Its so good to hold a book and carry it around. Like a companion. In fact, last evening I walked around with just a book. Just like the old times when I was far younger and far more hopeful about life and world and all that.

So that.

I think this is it. Oh, I did make some progress on various projects – Syndicate, SoG Grant, the Aram Nagar documentary. On the documentary specifically, let’s see if we can shoot some this weekend. I think it’s time to make a page about it on the website! No?

And, here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 103
  • #aPicADay – 83
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 14 . Lot of tea though, which I am assuming is better. I have to order something at Starbucks.
  • #noCoke – 14
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0. I still haven’t been able to wake up at 5.

230321 – Morning Pages

How these morning pages have sort of become a blog of sorts. And no, I am not complaining. Rather, grateful.

Read on.

7:04. Andheri. 8:39. Starbucks.

Even though I decide each day that I will work from home and not go to Starbucks, like an addict, I automatically move towards it. And this move is not a simple jab in the arm that gives me the hit. But requires me to wake up early, shit, shower, wear socially acceptable clothes, take a rick and then walk into one! I don’t think I’ve made this much effort for a date in a while. I don’t think I will make it either. Unless it’s Priyanka Chopra. Oh, forbidden fruit! Oh, things out of reach!

So, last night, I slept at 10ish (I think so), to be able to wake up at 5. And I did wake up at 5:15 types, only to go back to sleep. Lol. I will try again today. Let’s see. The intent is to wake up at 5, work on #book2 (lol) for a couple of hours and then get on with the day. Lol, wishful thinking. I am in that mood today, you know, where I want to, well, mock everyone. Starting with me. I wish I could be like this every day. Must investigate what has happened that I am becoming this!

Lemme list things that I did yesterday and see if I can see any patterns.

  • Ate one meal. I mean, I ate twice but in the 4-hour window. So that’s technically OMAD. Ordered from Bikaji and had chana masala. I love Indian, spicy food.
  • Had a few meetings and I was questioned in some. And in others, I questioned others. In toto, I would have spent about 6 hours in meetings (and thus, no productive work happened).
  • Made some progress with the Aram Nagar documentary with Mudit. Spent time walking around Aram Nagar. Connected with some people that can connect us with some people that may know more about Aram Nagar.
  • Played a LOT of chess. And lost a LOT of games. Lol. I need to quit it.
  • Did NOT spend as much time on Instagram. And did NOT stalk those #instacrushes.
  • Wrote an investment thesis (in the morning) for the Angelist Syndicate that I want to create with a few friends. Very early days right now. Let’s see how it goes.
  • Stayed away from the negativity imposed by constant comparisons with people that are more fortunate. Reminded myself what Dr. Peterson says – you don’t need to compare yourself to others but to what you were a year ago. I really think I have stagnated in the past year but my personal trajectory would be more or less upward.
  • Slept for 7 hours. Like a log. Did see some dreams but I can’t recall those.
  • Made some headway with SoG Grant.

I cant spot any. Can you? Let’s see how I am doing tomorrow.

Also, I realize that these morning pages are becoming more of a personal blog. Which is ok. The idea is to get in some words out every day. For a couple of reasons.

A, Keeps the writing muscle going.

B, Allows me to pour my heart out to someone, something (in absence of that significant other). I think if there’s one thing I can recommend to people, it would be that they need to write. In public.

Bonus C. It allows me to be more accountable to myself. As I know that what I write is on public platforms and anyone can look at what I am thinking and saying and call bullshit.

So that.

Ok, I don’t know what else to write. The track of the day is this. Saw this for the first time on the Instagram feed of an #instaCrush and while I’ve moved on from her, the track has been added to the list of my favorite ones. There’s another track am thinking of right now is Bocelli crooning Can’t Help Falling In Love.

I think that’s about it. Time to get on with the day and seize the fucking day. Oh, here’s the streaks

  • Morning Pages – 102. Now its a game on when I drop this 😀
  • #aPicADay – 82. Aim to do about 100. And then 365. Even on 9/22. Let’s see.
  • 10K steps a day – 1.
  • OMAD – 1
  • #noCoffee – 13
  • #noCoke – 13
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

220321 – Morning Pages

Short rant. Better ignored.

7:13. Andheri.

I just woke up and my eyes are groggy and all that. Nothing new with that. What is new is that I am not sure what to write. A lot has been happening with me and there is this general sense of overwhelm that’s shrouded me. Things both at work and personal level. Things at heart and head level. I dont even know how to report those here.

Anyhow. Moving on. Monday is here. That means the world is back to action. And that means I need to be back in action as well. And that means I will have a busy sort of a day. And that’s a good thing. I am thinking I will try and fast today and if I am busy, I can often forget about food and all. So that.

In other news, I made the first draft of SoG Grant live. Here. Read it if you want to and lemme know what you think. I will formalise it over the next few days and then roll out. This is one of those ways to pay it forward.

I dont have anything else to write or report. The head’s way too blank. Maybe I will write more tomorrow.

And, here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages – 101. I made a mistake in count. This is the 101th post for Morning Pages.
  • #aPicADay – 81
  • 10K steps a day – 0.
  • OMAD – 0 (stress ate multiple meals)
  • #noCoffee – 12
  • #noCoke – 12
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

The SoG Grant (draft)

SoG Grant – a no strings attached grant to individuals to pursue a creative project of their liking.

This is the first draft of this. Publishing to seek feedback from people. Please do let me know what you think. I aim to release this around the end of Jan 2023 Feb 2024.

TLDR: I am committing Rs. 100K a year of my money to create a microgrant for people who may need money to pursue any project of their liking. Read more for more details.

Hello! Lemme talk about some themes that have shaped me and my life.

A. This couplet by Kabir.
I don’t know when or where I read this first, but this couplet resonates with me like nothing else has ever. Here it goes…

Sai itna dijiye, jaame kutumb samaay,
main bhookha naa rahoon, sadhu na bhookha jaaye

Attributed to the poet Kabir, though I am not sure.

This translates loosely into, “Oh, Lord, give me enough to take care of my family. Enough that I don’t sleep hungry and yet have enough left to support others that may ask me for it.”

B. Giants, their shoulders, and their kindness.
All my life, I have benefitted immensely from the kindness, generosity, and shoulders of strangers and giants. Whatever little I know or whatever tiny I have has come to me because I was a beneficiary of an unexpected gift. Each time, some chance brought me close to strangers and they were unnaturally kind to support me and literally changed the trajectory of life altogether. From my admission into MDI to my first real “education” with Raj at CLA; to the startup with Kunal; to Suvi’s blind faith in me; to the mad dream that we had at 5X5; to Social Wavelength’s risky bet on me; to Rajesh Sir’s support for C4E and me, each “career” move happened because these literal strangers trusted me and allowed me to make mistakes. I was on a long leash and I could learn all that I wanted to. and countless others that have helped me do things.

Even in terms of people that sort of mentored me (the list is a mile long and if I were to make that in public, this post would run in hundreds of pages), they did so without expecting anything in return. They were truly the giants that gave me their shoulders to stand on and look farther. The following quote, again I dont know by who describes me the best…

“If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants.”

More about it here.

It essentially means that giants (and strangers) who have achieved a lot more than me have allowed me to learn from their experiences and build my life on top of their work.

Isn’t this what life is all about?
Arent all great innovations not built on top of what others have done prior? That.

C. I stumbled on this post from Thejesh where he has created a “no strings attached” microgrant in memory of his mother.
The idea is fairly simple. He created a tiny corpus from his savings to create opportunities for people that are little less lucky than him. He says, “I am creating a yearly $1000₹80,000 ₹1,00,000 micro-grant to support something meaningful. Grant is named after my mother – Nagarathna. The reason for grant could be anything as long its meaningful to you and people around. Though I prefer free and open source or creative commons projects, It’s not a must. It’s a no strings attached grant.”

This inspired me AF.

I have always thought about giving back paying it forward, even though my own house has never been in order. All the “projects” I created as C4E partnerships were attempts at paying it forward. However, since I know that that model is essentially broken, I need to find an alternative to continuing to pay forward. Thejesh’s post comes at the right time. And thus, the SoG Grant!

So, combining A, B and C, presenting The SoG Grant!

Hello, SoG Grant!

Inspired by Thejesh and others who have created microgrants (see this on Github), I hereby create The SoG Grant.

What is The SoG Grant?
SoG Grant is an attempt to pay it forward by supporting the ones who are less fortunate than I.

What is the corpus of this grant?
I will start with a total corpus of Rs. 100K from my personal savings.

If I get more people to back this up, I will add on top of this. If you want to help me grow this basket, lemme know.

Update (4 Apr 2021): Krishna from Tezi.app has agreed to add another 20K to the corpus. He wants to support people building for SMEs in India.

So, as of now, it’s Rs. 120K per year. This could be given to one person or split among at most three.

Who can apply for this? Who is eligible?
I really really want this grant to help people that need it. I am not sure how I would validate the financial status but I will find a way as I go along.

No, it will NOT be easy for you to get this grant. I will make the selection process extremely difficult to weed out non-serious applicants.

Who is NOT eligible?
You have to prove your intention. While I am a dreamer and chase lofty goals that are beyond my reach, for the grant, I want to support people that are damn serious about it. You will have to prove that you have skin in the game.

What kind of projects / people would I support?
You could be whoever and you may want to do whatever. However, I’ll admit that I have a bias towards creators and education. So if you seek money for creating something or pursuing some course / education, I am more likely to support you.

Some projects that are a great fit for this are…

  1. You want to take up a course that you can’t afford
  2. You want to cut a music album and need money to pay for the studio etc.
  3. You want to write a book / script etc and need to pay your bills while you write it.

Please note that this is an indicative list only and the grant is available to anyone under the sun. As long as I believe what you do has the potential to make a difference.

Who can apply?
Anyone. From India.
I don’t know how to do the logistics of expanding it beyond borders.

What’s the catch?
No catch. I dont want you to thank me. I dont want you to include the C4E logo in what you do. I dont care if you forget me. All I care for is that you are accountable to me. That’s it. And no, I dont care about output. As long as you are good with the input, I am ok.

How can you apply?
I will announce more details over the next few days. I am hoping for the following timelines…

These timelines are broken. Apologies for this.

  • Applications Open: April July 2021 Jan 2023 Feb 2024
  • Application Deadline: May Aug 2021 Mar 2023 Feb 2024
  • Decision and Disbursal: June Sep 2021 17 Mar 2024 – 31 Mar 2024

In case you need this money urgently, do write in and I will make exceptions.

So that’s about it. Do let me know should you have any questions. More on this over the next few days.

Thank You!

Housekeeping and version history…

  • Update. On 13 Jan 2024. I will FINALLY push this in the world by the end of Jan 2024.
  • Update. On 30 Sep 2022. I hope to get to this in 2023. Have been busy with work and 2022 went like a whirlwind!
  • Previous Update. On 11 Dec 2021. I am running way behind on this. Sincere apologies. Will pick this up #in2022.

210321 – Morning Pages

A longish rant on things that are fucking with my head. You may want to skip. You’ve been warned.

8:21. Starbucks, Versova.

This will be a rant. I guess a long one at that. Let’s see when I get around to writing it. The next engagement is at 1030 so I have plenty of time. Please bear. Skip if you have to. Shit’s happening around me and I need to talk to someone and there’s no one but this blog. Of course no specifics here. Will talk in as broad strokes as I can. I am listening to this on loop as I write this.

Lemme start with a simple metaphor that someone once told me (I think it was Hemant). He said think of a giant, spacious room bang in the middle of the city, next to a busy road. The room has floor-to-ceiling windows that give you an expansive view of the world outside. You can open those windows in the mornings to let the sunlight and the fresh morning air come in and make the place a pleasant one. But, if you forget to close those windows during the day, the freshness and the morning cheer will get replaced by the incessant honking of the traffic, dust, and grime from the world out there and may be some stench, some stink from the world beyond your house. Would you as a logical person, not close these windows when it starts getting noisy?

That!

I need to start closing the windows to my life and brain. Lemme elaborate. Thing is, I think of so many ideas, things, businesses, impact areas, and whatnot that are so forward-looking that it takes forever for those to reach a conclusion. Like it would happen with almost anything, with time, some most of those fall along the way (plenty of reasons – I am unable to keep up, the people I work with realizing that I am not the best partner, the timing is not right, I lose steam, I find a shinier object, shit happens, etc etc.). As a result, I often fail to close those loops. And thus, the metaphorical windows to my brain are left often. And instead of helping my brain get fresh air, I am left with the noise and dust. The windows need closing!

You know, I have often thought about myself being that person that had immense potential to do things that could change the world but I feel that I am not living upto that with what I do. I merely hop from one thing to another and along the way I leave behind unfinished projects, half-baked ideas and unfulfilled promises to the world, friends, connections and myself. When I die (which I hope is not before I am 120), I would probably look like that sculptor that has a million unfinished pieces in his repertoire, each with a potential of becoming a David. It would be such a crime that I would waste all the potential. Assuming I have the potential.

I mean I can focus on one thing, one statue that goes onto outshine David and others of the ilk but my magic, my method, the madness comes from trying new things, new experiences, talking to new people, seeding new ideas, seeing new possibilities, and well, chasing the new shiny toy. Lol, the number of times I used “new” in that sentence has to be a world record of sorts.

So, I dont want to stop creating new things, opening new doors. After all, each thing I have in life is a result of all the million shots that I take without any purpose or anything. So that’s not stopping.

What I will do is try and close each loop window that I open in a predictable amount of time. Or once I reach some sort of conclusion. Or when I know the time has come to move on (which is tough to know to be honest). But I will close for sure. I think I have written about this earlier as well on one of the SoGs (I think). Let’s see if I find a link when I come around to editing this. Can’t find.

Also, while I will close all the new loops, new projects, new ideas and all that going forward, I know I cant roll back time to undo all that I should’ve done. I’ll see which ones I can. Even if they aren’t that many.

This is also a good time to tell myself to revisit Dr. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life, a book that has been like a ‘bible of life’ of sorts for me. The funny thing is that a lot of intelligent, aware, educated people don’t agree with him. But to me, he makes immense sense and everytime I read it, I take away a life lesson from it.

The antidote to the shit in head, I think the rule that is most pertinent is about setting my own house in order before I try and change the world.

I mean I do want to change the world and each thing I do is from that lens but since I am unable to close the ideas, the loops and other things, I am unable to make even an iota of dent.

I think this is about it. No, I am not any lighter since I started writing this. But I do know that I have vented out and I can move onto the next things. Like Dr. Peterson says in Rule 6, I need to take responsibility for the misery that has been inflicted upon me by my actions / inactions. Here on, I shall take responsibility and put the house in order. I have to play a role in helping the world become better.

Ok enough. Time to get on with the day. Here’s streaks.

  • Morning Pages – 99
  • #aPicADay – 80
  • 10K steps a day – 1. The monthly average is 9K steps. I’ll see if I can take this up to 10K by the time month ends.
  • OMAD – 0 (stress ate ice-cream late night). Trying to fast today. Though I am tempted to stuff myself with food.
  • #noCoffee – 11
  • #noCoke – 11
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

Over and out.

200321 – Morning Pages

A shortPost on how I spent yesterday and what I plan to do today.

8:52. I just woke up. I slept early but slept for long. Which is ok.

So the highlight has to be that I successfully did a 48-hour fast. It was surprisingly easy. To a point that I think I can do it often. In March, I’ve tried this multiple times and I have failed every time, except this one. In fact, I want to try and move to that 6 meals a week kind of diet where I eat once a day and then keep a 48-hour fast. Let’s see how it goes. The critical thing would be to not eat today till about 2 PM when I will have the meal of the day and then not eat anything till 2 tomorrow. Why 2? I saw an Instagram post by Dave Asprey where he says that’s apparently the human gut is designed to work the best at 2 PM. Let’s see how that affects me.

Ok. Moving to the next things.

For a change, I want to take a break and not do any actual work. Lol. Arti would be so so happy reading this!

I have a few options.

a, I can either spend the day reviewing various things / projects that I am working on and the next steps that I need to take on those. I typically do this once every month towards the end and for some reason, I feel like doing this today.

b, I can just sit and read. Since I need to take a break from actual work, I can do this. On reading, I am back to physical books. I recently bought two – Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Yourself and Morgal Housel’s Psychology of Money. Both are in the self-help category and I think that’s what I need right now. Let’s see if I can finish reading those today (at the speed at which I read, I think I can). Let’s see how this goes.

c, I can go for a super-long walk. You know a 20K-step walk and plugin to some podcast or something. In the past, I have wanted to walk all the way from Andheri to Siddhi Vinayak. I think I did manage it once (see next para). Though I can’t recall with surety. May be I will do it again today.

I don’t know which one would I choose. But I do know that I will go to Starbucks in a bit and get done with a work call that ends at 12. See I can never not work 😀

Wait.
Here’s a thing.
I just realized that I suck at remembering these teeny weeny things.
Which is ok. I just need to ensure that I note those things. For example, thanks to my Roam, I discovered that I walked on the 24th of Sep 2020. And I have also listed things that I thought of when I walked. Wow! I am impressed in myself ;P

Ok. Enough. The words are clearly not coming out. Time to take a break, shower, and go to Starbucks.

See you guys tomorrow.

And as I end this, here’s my streak list.

  • Morning Pages – 98
  • #aPicADay – 79
  • 10K steps a day – 0. Could only manage 7K
  • OMAD – 2
  • #noCoffee – 10
  • #noCoke – 10
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0