Quick short note on what’s at the top of my mind while I am trying to stay away from work.
7:26. So, I woke up 5 minutes ago. Off a new bed. In a new place (Panchgani).
I am on a break of sorts for the next two days. The idea is to not use the computer or the phone as much as I would typically do on a regular day. I had thought I will think about things that are important to me and I can’t think of thinking while I am busy with regular humdrum.
But then I dont think that will happen here. For a simple reason that I am not prepared. I was to, yesterday. But work. So, these two days are “wasted” from that perspective. But then a break is gonna happen nonetheless. So that’s a great outcome.
Anyhow, yesterday, I did an NFG session for an audience that had paid to listen to me talk. For me, this was my first such session. Where I was paid to be a speaker on a specific subject.
However, thing is, all my life I have stayed away from charging for sharing my knowledge. I’ve never written about it. But let me try and talk about it today.
A. I have had this fear that if I charge people money and they dont enjoy what I had to say, would they not feel cheated? I mean I feel cheated when I pay for something and then I dont derive desired value from it. I dont want people that pay on the other side like that.
This is the same reason why I wrote this page on tnks. I did not want people to feel sad about buying my book and then not enjoying it.
B. I am very wary of coming across as one of those slick salesmen that are merely interested in selling things. The genuineness is fake. The conversations are to drive you toward a purchase. The agenda is to sell something. There is so much manipulation in each conversation that you know that your best interest is far away from their heads.
And I am by design not a person that wants to manipulate others. I like the idea of free will. I love the idea of people taking rational decisions (and not merely rationalising the ones they’ve taken). While I love brands and business and money, I am also an anti-consumerism-ist. I like the idea of less being more. I know that most selling is probably not needed. This is also a reason why I probably suck at sales as a discipline.
I know, I know. I need to believe that what I am selling is of value. And the decision getting taken on the other side (by the one you’re selling to) is being made without any coercion per se. I know that if I don’t sell, I will die hungry. It’s the same story as an antelope trying to outrun the slowest of the pack to survive that day.
So that.
Oh, this also reminds me of what one of my ex-bosses once told me. That I dont like the idea of having money. Every time I get some money, I start wailing in the misery of having money. I start pining for the days when I did not have the money. I get restless with the idea of money in my bank and I start spending it like a mad man. While I want to be rich and all that, this is probably the reason that I am still not wealthy. You know, the handicap with the art of selling and the discomfort with money in the bank.
Ok, now that I know what’s wrong, maybe I’ll work on it over? Let’s see when. Adding to #sgToDo.
Chalo, enough. Time to pack the laptop back in the bag. Will get back to it tomorrow morning. Meanwhile, I am back to Ankur Tewari’s Dil Haare.
A quick short post on how I am feeling this Friday morning.
8:25. Up for a bit. About 10 minutes or so.
So yesterday I ate kachra after a month of clean eating. I had chips, samosa, parantha, roti, rice (mmmm) and I dont know what all. No, no egg soup. No, I did not savor the taste – you know, how I was expecting it to experience a burst of flavour in my system? That did not happen.
What I got was a stomach-ache. And I can already feel a pimple popping up on the nose.
I have to thus find a sustainable solution to this food thing. I’d like to subscribe to a service that sends me flavourful, good food that has no vegetable oils and is less on carbs. I dont know what that could be. I mean I know there are a few. It’s just that there’s this cost-benefit thingy. Will think about it and decide. You guys have any ideas? I live in Andheri West.
And no, I refuse to get a kitchen in place.
Maybe I will get one of my friends to get it cooked and Dunzo it to me? Like he did for a few days before I got the Keto dabba. Let’s see. I will think over the weekend. For the time being, I shall order in some South Indian breakfast 😀
So, for the weekend, initially, I had thought I will not carry my laptop. And thus break the streak of 187 days. But then work came up and I will have to carry it. So, good that streak will probably remain in place. Though I may not be able to write first thing in the morning. But I shall write nonetheless.
The other thing that took a lot of thought is buying a new toothbrush. No, not a regular toothbrush but an electric one. I have been thinking about it for a while and I think I am ready to commit. I know I know that I want to live with as few things as possible in life. I still will need a toothbrush and if it’s better, why not? I anyway have bad teeth. If it helps, why not. The idea of going minimalist is to replace excess with few but with the few that works!
Ok, I have a new term that I can use. ‘The Chase of Few’. Wah!
What else?
Well, the list of things to do, the ode to “She” and more remain open. I add more tasks on Asana than I knock off from the list. So that.
Oh yeah. I finished the second season of Fauda. This one I played at 1.5x speed. Not kidding. It’s was an interesting experience. On one side, I spent 15-18 hours (24 episodes of 40 mins each) watching it. And on the other, I merely went through the motions of watching. There was no real watching I did there! Not cool at all.
Monday on, I am shunning Netflix, unless it’s directly related to something I am working on.
So that’s about it for the day. Need to pack a lot in the next few hours before I shut my phone. And with that, it’s an over an out for the day.
Here’s streaks.
Morning Pages / Meditations – 187
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 0
#noCoke – 99. I will have a few Diet Cokes tomorrow for sure.
Quick note on things that are on the top of my head.
8:25. While I’ve been up since 7, I’ve been a zombie. I’ve now shat-showered-powdered and waiting for my breakfast to arrive. And while the plan was to write this from the Starbucks, I thought, lemme grab a bite before I am stuck in a Starbucks for next few hours.
So, I did not sleep well last night. Guess too much coffee. Too much food. Too many distractions. Too much on my mind. And too much Fauda. And that too at 1.25X speed. I mean I am not enjoying the show or seeing it from the critical eye that I typically see things from. I am merely seeing the rushes. The joy of watching a story unfold in front of my eyes has been sucked away. I am merely going thru the motions.
Lemme try and clear things that are sort of clouding my mind. Including work and non-work. And in no order.
Today marks the end of my one-month Keto subscription. I dont think I’ve lost weight. No, I don’t feel energetic. In fact, I am the same as I was a month ago. I probably chose the wrong supplier to save on money. Need to think of what to do with my meals from Monday onward. Weekend any way I am out.
The side effect of this vegetarian keto attempt is that I have started to hate paneer from the bottom of my heart. I’ve had enough paneer for the rest of my life. I have to either turn into a non-vegetarian or find a way to lose weight. I can’t work out, can’t lift weights 🙁
On the other hand, I can’t stop having the Egg Soup. I ordered it twice yesterday!
Need to stop with the coffee. No, I don’t enjoy coffee as much I love other beverages (like Coke). But the thing is, I dont like the idea of being a freeloader at a Starbucks. While I can shift to Green Tea or even Water to pay for the time I spend there, I feel criminal about paying so much for water. So I dont know the way out.
So yesterday, a friend sent me this video of a woman with She (by Elvis Costello) playing in the background. That video took my heart away! She took my heart away. I instantly knew I had to write about it. And, I am struggling to write my ode to it. I mean I started writing it yesterday and I am yet to find the right words. Breakthrough isn’t in sight. It was triggered by an Instagram post that a friend sent me.
Went for a walk. Met Ken. Talked about films and all. Spotted the sea.
Workwise, this week has been easy. One of the clients is literally silent. The other is chugging along. So more or less, things are ok there.
I got a new intern on board. Not sure if she will stay for long. But she’s on. It’s amazing how one client that pays you fairly allows you to expand where you are and what you do. I just need to be more prudent with my money and start saving more so that I can
On Friday, I am conducting the first paid session for NFG on Notetaking 101. I am not getting paid a lot but I am getting paid to speak and share what I know. Yay!
Life has come to a point where I have some money coming in. Enough for me to not think about where the next meal will come from. Enough to even pay back all the debt that I had loaded myself with. No, it’s still not smooth. It is at the tenterhooks. I lose one client and I am back to square one. But after at least 18 months or so, I am at that point where I am now thinking a lot more about the things I can do that take me closer to my goal of inspiring a billion people! I had thought Long Haul will be that. But it’s been really hard on that front. No one wants to trust me with their money. I a
Oh, while typing this, I decided that I will not buy a new iPhone. I will get this one fixed. I will spend another 8K but I will get this fixed. I want to save and get over the debt. The only money I will spend is on people and projects.
The most important. I had thought I will start with this. Lemme get this out of the bullets.
I have started to give away things that I’ve owned. Yesterday, I gave away the TV. I have also parted with the guitar that VG gifted me I don’t know how many years ago.
Now, I am left with a writing table, a bookshelf that has I don’t know how many books (and paper and notes and all that), a yoga mat, knick-knacks that I have gathered over the years, and some clothes. No, I don’t have a functioning kitchen. And computers (laptop – this and old, hard disk drives, pen drives, etc).
The idea is to dispose of everything and have just enough that can be carried in a laptop bag and a big hard-top lug. I don’t like duffels. I am ok to live with very few things and in this post-pandemic world, that should be the norm. I am just worried about all the notes that I’ve taken. I will probably digitize those? I don’t know yet. After I lost my phone data, I have stopped worrying about losing important things. The ephemerality of life is a lot more apparent and visible. Thank you, COVID-19 for that.
So yeah, the idea is that by end of this month (or may be the next), I would have disposed of all the things that I hate. The ones that I need to store (I’ll try that these are as few as possible), I will send those to Delhi, to my parent’s place. The rest, I will carry on me. Let’s see how it goes.
So yeah. All this.
Here’s streaks…
Morning Pages / Meditations – 186
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 0
#noCoke – 98
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0. I did not do it yesterday. Neither I did it today 🙁
Quick post on things on the top of my head. Nothing interesting or important to be honest. You may skip this.
7:39. I couldn’t sleep last night. I think it was all the coffee I had during the day. Which was a lot to be honest. Blame it on all the time I spent at Starbucks yesterday. Which was a lot to be honest. But then I got a lot of work done as well. So, that’s nice. I am hoping that they’d allow longer working hours for cafes from this weekend onward. That means I will probably be able to spend more time at a Starbucks and get more done. Unless I have a lot of calls. The thing with calls at a Starbucks is, there’s way too much background noise. And anyway, people use it for recreation. Not to get things done. I am an anomaly. Anyhow.
The highlight of yesterday has to be that I did 12 rounds of Surya Namaskar. The day before I could manage only 8. So there is some improvement for sure. I want to be able to do 25 at least.
The thing is, doing 12 rounds is ok. The trouble is after those 12 rounds. The recovery after takes forever. In the sense, I need to catch my breath. I am on the verge of puking, so that needs calming down. The bladder gets full and that needs a release. The sweat is intolerable. It’s crazy! So I need that break. And this takes a good additional 20 mins away. And that in itself is a challenge. I hate to waste the time in the morning.
Did yoga. 12 rounds. Was not tough. But takes hell more than 18 mins. To recover after the yoga is done. Mornings are too precious for me. Need to start with skipping rope, resistance bands, and weights. Let’s see when.
I have to say that I can’t seem to stop having the Egg Soup from this restaurant called Fit Food Company. I am not sure how “fit” the food is but I just love it. And the croutons are out of this world. No, they are not the best but they’re really really addictive. Guess my love for crunch is never-ending. I mean love this so much that I actually am watching Fauda just to get company while I eat!
This is the reverse of how I was. I would watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine and order crap to order along. I was filling the void in my life with banter and random carbs. Here I am, loading myself with egg broth and croutons and a series about the Israeli-Palestine Conflict!
In other news, the number of open tabs on my browsers is now 143! I dont even know if I’d ever consume all these. One random day, the browser would crash and I would love all these, and then I would rant about it on the blog and then move on. Lol. Kaisa sa hoon main!
Oh, btw, I am back on Twitter. So in case you wish to follow me again, I am on @saurabh. I am not sure what I would do there or how I would change how I use Twitter, but I know that I need a release during the day and twitter works the best for me! I just need to avoid putting in a lot of time on it. One easy way is to not install the app (which I am doing as we speak :D). The difficult one is to continue to use Android on browser and the difficulty of typing on an Android phone will prevent me from using abusing twitter 😀
And finally, I have a decision to make. I am going out for the weekend and that means I have the option of leaving my computer behind. I am in two minds. If I take it, I know I will spend all the time on it. And not on thinking / reading etc. And if I don’t take it, I will break this 185-day streak that I am on! Both are important to me. I don’t know which one to choose. What do you think? Help me decide. Click on one of the options below…
Help me!
I am going on a weekend to a trip where I want to think in peace about things that are clouding my head. And I think the best when I type and make mindmaps.
But once I start using the laptop, I get sucked into email, calendar, etc and time flies away!
A rant on how Android sucks, how I miss an office space, how I am unable to do yoga. And a couple of more things.
6:28. Woke up a few minutes ago.
I went for a walk last night for an hour or so. I took along the Vivo phone I use and I realized how much I miss an iPhone and what all would I do to get one! I mean I want to really get one.
This Android system is not for me. Not just the bloatware that comes preinstalled but also the speed at which it works. Plus I am so used to the iOS ecosystem of apps that I am literally struggling half the time to get things done. I still don’t know how to “quit” an app that’s running. The other day I had to hunt for where the alarm is. Then I have no clue how to abort all those “system” apps that keep running in the background that hog limited memory that the phone has. I don’t have a pedometer and the external app I installed (the one that is the highest-rated) has so many bugs and ads that it’s impossible to use. Plus, each time I install or uninstall an app, I get a notification about a “recommendation” to install another app. It sucks. Literally. Everyone that goes gaga over Android and its “flexibility” and “openness” clearly is blind to these. Or may be these are not issues in the first place. Maybe it’s my quirks that I need to get over. I mean I do get that the cheaper Andoird OS has given immense power to people with a computer in their hands. The impact has been literally world-changing. But then, it is not for me. I am happy in the closed, restricted, expensive, slick and at least for me, convenient iOS.
I just have to get an iPhone. ASAP. I have to get another client soon to be able to get one. That’s the goal for this month. Wish me luck.
Funny that all through my hour-long walk last night, I kept thinking about how I will write about how much an Andoird based phone sucks but when I started writing, I could only manage a handful of words!
Anyhow. Moving on.
Today’s my parent’s anniversary. They complete 40 years together (or 41, not sure). I will never understand their generation. I am the kind to not have completed 4 years with any of my significant others. And here they are. At 40 years. Wow!
I think I know what the “secret” sauce here is. And I know that I can’t comprehend the way they lived their lives, in the times they lived. But what I know is that togetherness for all those years is remarkable.
I pine for long-term relationships in everything – work, friendships, speech etc. And here I have. A live example in my very home. Heck, I am an outcome of that. Whatever I stand for, what I do, whatever I think of, all of it is the outcome of that union all those years ago!
Yoga. In other news, I did attempt Surya Namaskar yesterday, right after I published the morning pages. I could do just 8 rounds. And that too was a pain. I had to stop after 3. I took a break after the 6th. And I gave up after the 8th. I am that out of practice. At a point, I could do 12 and I was thinking of 20. But here I am. Out of breath and will at 8. ! Oh, that’s the other thing I decided yesterday when I was out for a walk. That come hell or high water, I will do yoga on a daily basis. I will carve out time for yoga, the way I do for these morning pages. The way morning pages builds my writing muscle, the daily practice of yoga will hopefully build my health muscle. All I need is 20 minutes. I don’t think I can’t find 20 minutes.
Next. Work. Lately, I’ve realized that whatever work I do before 6 is what I end my day with (unless I have a place to work out from, Starbucks, office, co-work, or something). The lure of bed is irresistible to me. I see one and I want to lie down. This is the reason I don’t even get into my bedroom at all and spread a mattress each night on the floor of the hall. And then I roll it back each night. Of course, it’s a different matter that the AC in the bedroom doesn’t work at all; the one in the hall at least throws air.
I digressed. The point I was trying to make was, I am literally unable to focus on work post 7 most days. And that’s how it would be till I get Starbucks open for longer hours. Or I get myself a seat at a coworking. The point (finally, I came to the point!) is, I will try to pack in more work during these hours.
That.
I think this is it for the day. Oh, I did meet Prak yesterday after almost 2 years. We can’t wait to start PPP all over again. With renewed vigor and energy and ideas and things. Let’s see where we go. Wish us luck 🙂
Chalo, time for those Surya Namaskars. Here’s streaks…
I talk about how the weekend was. And about Panchgani, Starbucks and Fitness in a disjointed rant.
7:03. Woke up a bit ago. Feel ok. Not great. But not bad either. I guess the magic is in staying away from the phone at night. Chalo, let’s get on with the day and the post.
Monday’s are typically busy where I take stock of things that I am working on and all that. While I do that offline (on Asana and Roam and other places), lemme start with a short review of things that I had thought I would do on the weekend.
So the weekend came and went and I did far far less than what I had imagined I would do. Quick report card…
Write content to help Sonali and her Art in Action project – ❌
Very dismal performance. At this rate, the greatness I chase will remain a distant dream 🙁
With that tight slap, let’s talk about things that I am otherwise thinking about.
➡️A. Overdependence on Starbucks The poor performance over the weekend? I want to blame it on my dependence on Starbucks. I mean I had planned to park myself there and work till I was tired and all that. And I know I would’ve done that. I don’t have a bed there. The AC works. The internet works. There are people around that I can feed on the energy of.
Now, if suddenly the place is no longer available and I am forced to contain myself in a shitty house overcrowded with old furniture and lousy vibes, it should not mean that I can’t function.
How can my work, my output, my life be at the mercy of a Starbucks outlet?
Plus, during the lockdown, I did work. I did deliver things. I did ensure that I do my job. All without a Starbucks. Now that I have an option, how is it that I am losing track of things? Just because I have an option, I am in that shitty space!
Optionality is a bitch!
➡️B. Panchgani This weekend, if all goes well, I will be in Panchgani. I plan to not take my laptop. I want to also not take my phone to be honest but I dont think that would be possible. Let’s see.
Panchgani is one of those places that I have come to love over the years. When I first went there (don’t remember when – must be in 2007 or 2008 or something), it was a tiny town that I don’t think anyone went to. I mean all the rich people from Mumbai and Pune and Nashik had the twin towns of Panchgani and Mahabaleshwar as their holiday and retirement homes. But that was that. It was limited to the rich ones. And the ones that were natively from there.
To me, when I went there, it meant little more than an escape from the boring routines at Mumbai. It was the same to me what Fiji was for Truman. A place so distant, so impossible that it was a mere speck on the map. It represented the ultimate freedom, the ultimate escape. Not that life in Mumbai was that bad. I was still young, still hopeful about life, still enjoyed the grind. And yet Panchgani was that break that I would take from the rigmarole of life.
I would’ve made countless trips to Panchgani and on each trip, I’d get enamored by the small-town life of simplicity, community, and nature. I’d want to start living there. But then at the end of each trip, when I’d come back, I’d forget the simplicity in like 10 seconds. That fickle I have been.
From the first trip on, the relationship evolved. It became a Fiji. A place that I would pine to be at. A place where I’d want to get teleported each time I had a bad day.
And now, as I write this, I realise it’s no longer that. It’s yet another tourist destination that I goto, to take breaks. Like this one on the coming weekend.
So that.
➡️C. Fitness My keto subscription is coming to an end this weekend. No. I did not lose any weight. No, I do not feel energized. And I have not stopped craving for Maggi, Dosa, Fried Rice, and all that.
I dont think I will continue. I do have the money to get it but I think I will skip. I will get someone to make food and deliver. And I will try to get back to OMAD. That’s the only thing that I think works in my case.
I’ve also stayed off Yoga since the second dose of the COVID-19 vaccine. I think I will get back today. It’s 7:55 and I need to meet Prak at 9ish at Starbucks. So, I do have the time. It’s the inclination and intent that is often missing.
Guess this is about it for the day. Need to get going. Here’s streaks…
Morning Pages / Meditations – 183
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 0
#noCoke – 95. I am gonna have some coke on this weekend’s trip to Panchgani. Yeah, this weekend I am traveling!
A short post that was such a struggle to write that I almost did not publish.
8:13. Woke up some 10 minutes ago. I am a little less groggy today compared to other days. The only thing I changed is that I went for an hour-long walk last night, I ate less and I kept the phone out of my arms reach when I decided to sleep. I will try to repeat these three and see where I land.
So, after the snafu yesterday, I am little more informed and thus I am firmly seated on a plastic chair and a wooden desk as I write this. I will probably go for a walk after I have sent this out and replied to a few emails.
The list of things I made that I had to work on, I made some start with some of those things. I’d say I was ok with the progress made. I could’ve done more but considering I was at the house, I think I did ok. Trying not to be harsh on myself. I need to close those today.
Creating connections and raising capital for Long Haul remains a challenge. I know it’s a long road and I need to tread on it a step at a time. It is tough. But it is also helping me do more than what I’ve done so far. So that’s cool. Just that it sucks that I dont have a runaway success to prove my mettle.
Also, made me realize, if, despite all that I have done, I am finding it tough to make connections, what about young ones that don’t have even what I have? They must feel the pinch so bad that they probably would want to give up!
So that.
Coming to the things that I have in store for today.
Wait. Lemme talk about a new culinary delight I have discovered. I have taken in a liking for egg soup. In fact, I think I will like all clear soups – you know, wonton and all those. No, I am not qualified to talk about food but I am hooked to egg soup. I’ve had it some 10 times in the last one week. One day I had it for all three meals! And croutons – uff!
So things for today.
I dont know to be honest. Just the list from yesterday. And maybe some more. Dont know what else to write. Guess this is about it for today.
Wait. This is all of 400 words. I think I will get on with other work and come back to this in a bit and see if I want to write more.
Back at 9:12
Let’s use bullets.
A. So, I re-activated the anonymous feedback form that I use to gather feedback on how I am doing. It is here. In case. I get impolite feedback all the time and I try to work on those. Here’s one I recently got – “Why are YOU your only topic of discussion. Always. Self-obsession.” and “Develop interests in matters other than yourself. Talk about some things that people like to talk about. Don’t always walk only about yourself.” I am taking the input and as I get along with SoG, I will try to write more about more things that are of wider interest. On the blog, however, I will have to continue to write about myself. After all, this is MY blog where I get to rant 😀
B. The law of numbers. Must talk about this at some point in time in life. I’ve learnt that most things in life, including luck, are a direct outcome of the number of shots you take. If you are good, you will land 1 in 10. If you are great, you will land 2. But if you are like me, average, you would need to take 100 shots before 1 of them hits. And when it does, you better deliver the best you can so that next time, along with the shots you are taking, this delivery of a thing aids you get more opportunity.
I learnt this while trying to build a network of LP’s for Long Haul.
So that.
C. I am learning that I dont like people putting unnecessary pressure on me. The world needs to be polite, kind, easygoing and all that. I know that you need to chase things and follow up and all that. But all those could happen with some degree of humanness, if nothing else.
Ok. Enough. I cant force myself to write more. Guess I will take a break and come back tomorrow with a better piece.
I write about a snafu with a plan to work from a Starbucks on a Saturday.
8:38. Woke up at around 6 to the sounds of mad thunder. Like I’ve never experienced before. ever. Nature is furious for some reason. There must’ve been lightning as well but I can’t see that from my hall where I sleep. For the ones curious, I do have a bedroom but it has a bed and I like the idea of sleeping on the floor. So that.
Anyhow. The plan today was to camp at a Starbucks and write till they throw me out. I even prepared my bag last night. The way I would do when I used to go to school decades ago. While I was waking up, I made a mental checklist of things that I will get done. I decided that I will try and avoid coffee as it gives me jitters if I don’t eat something with it and I want to avoid Starbucks’ food. I even told myself that I will celebrate once I come back from Starbucks with some snack or something.
As I heard the thunder crashing around me, I lazed a little more than I would have. To a point that it was 7:45. However, I wanted to reach Starbucks at 8 sharp to make the most of today. Thus I decided to skip the shower. Something uncharacteristic. You know how I am. I may be dying but I need my shower. At least once. Even if water is ice-cold. Or worse, weak lukewarm. But today I skipped it. Today’s that important for me and my writing.
So I skipped the shower. Put on fresh undies. Packed an extra tee in my bag, lest I get wet in the crazy rain out there. Thing is, I refuse to buy an umbrella. In all these years I’ve been in Mumbai, I’ve owned an umbrella maybe once. Too much hassle. Am happier in the rain.
So, I step out. Can’t spot a rick. It has started to rain. I cross the road. See one coming from the opposite direction. That’s the thing with Mumbai – you can find public transport easily. I flag it. Get in it. Take a longish route to reach Starbucks I go to often. I want to be mentally ready for the long day ahead. I am thinking about the chills I would get from the AC. I decide that I have an extra tee. I may layer up if need be. I am thinking about all the regular patrons that I see at Starbucks. I make my mind that I will try to nod at people and all that.
While am lost in these thoughts, I reach Starbucks. I see from the outside that it’s empty af. Why not. It’s 8:05. People in Andheri / Versova don’t wake up that early. They are up till late – they have to be – that’s the nature of the work they do. Most times Starbucks is that empty at that hour.
And then as I enter, the guard tells me Starbucks is shut.
For a few seconds, I couldn’t comprehend what he said. I was like what do you mean shut? It’s at least 8:10. I can see the lights in full glory. There’s staff puttering in there. One of the Barista’s I know arrives at the entrance announces – it’s the weekend.
I was like, “So?”
She’s like, “Sir, weekends we can’t be open.”
WHAT. THE. FUCK! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!
The brain had started to function by now. Of course, the advisory of the government prohibits public places to stay open on weekends. I was like, WHAT THE FUCK!
All the weekend plans went down with the baarish and the advisory.
Damn!
And here I am. At 8:38. 8:56 now. Ranting about this snafu.
I am so so so depressed that I am dumping shit into my system (eating things that I should not – you know, stress eating) and chewing on a chewing gum like it’s an enemy that I want to maim like I’ve never wanted to harm anyone ever!
It sucks how life gives you lemons when you least expect it to. Suckerpunched.
I really want to get a lot of things done and I can’t get good work while I am stuck in the four walls of this apartment. I wish I could check into a business hotel or something. I wish I was living out of Rove in Dubai – the perfect hotel for someone like me. Fairly ok rooms. Great vibe in the common area.
Anyhow.
Now that I am stuck here, let’s see what I can achieve. I plan to work on the following today (in the order of priority)…
Write content to help Sonali and her Art in Action project
And then if I have some time left, get some work for one or two projects that I am on.
Most of these are around writing. Which I thought would be breezy since I am at my most effective as a writer when I am at a Starbucks! Now that I am not there, let’s see how many of these do I get in. Will report during the day. Or may be tomorrow. Again, I won’t be able to go to a Starbucks and thus will have to lower my expectations. Sigh!
Oh, now that I am back, I can actually get that shower that I skipped. May be. Maybe not.
Lazy post on how I spent yesterday and other things at the top of my mind. Mostly rant.
8:44. Woke up a while ago. Was tossing around in the bed. I just did not want to get out of bed. Plus I know I can’t go to Starbucks today – I have a few meetings that need me to be at a quiet place. So am stuck in the four walls. So that’s dampening the spirits this Friday. Plus, I am probably oversleeping. I am definitely sleeping more than 8 hours for sure. I mean, last night, I was in the bed around 11 and today I woke up way past 8!
Anyhow. So here we are. Lemme recount the day.
-Starbucks. Black Coffee. Venti. -Work. Various projects, including the book. -Phone Calls. -Back to the house. -Ate like a hog. I had decided that I will fast but I had three full meals yesterday. After I don’t know how long. I even ate bread! I loved it! I also realised how much I love crunchy things (I had some croutons with a soup). Can’t wait for this Keto plan to get over. Can’t wait to get back to Maggi and Rice and Ice-cream and all that. -Talked to a marketer about the marketing podcast. LOVED IT! More than anything, the guy was brilliant. More about it in a few days. -More work. -More work calls. -Published a 3000-word review of Mare of Easttown. -More work. -Recorded a podcast with an investor for the investing podcast. LOVED it again! I think my happiness is in talking to people and living in that moment. Need to fill life with more opportunities to talk to people. Fuck, as I write this, I realize, I even felt the post-event depression that I have written about in the past! I was so fried that I needed to be with someone or maybe on the road. But no friends, no cars. So, I ate :D. -On a whim, saw the first episode of Fauda. Was exactly the mindless action-inducing piece of cinema that I love! I may actually see more. -And then, sleep!
Yeah, it was a long day. No, I did not so as much work. It just looks like a lot.
So that. Ok, what else? My mind’s so blank and bare that am having a hard time thinking about what to write :D. Let’s see.
Ok. Roam. So lately, I find myself using Roam a lot more than I was previously. Roam has now become the first place where I plan things, make todos, take notes, and all that. And I see that it is really evolving into the second brain of sorts. To a point that I now run a search on Roam before I talk to people about projects and things. I think this is the longest I have stuck to a note-taking tool. Let’s see how the usage it after a few months.
Novel Writing The MOOC am doing is lagging like crazy. I will probably use the weekend to work on it.
SoG Book The goal for June was to ship SoG book. I haven’t done shit about it. Again, probably the weekend project.
Book2 Each day as I write this post and I look at the world, I realize that the world gives far more credence to what you’ve done and not what you say you would do. Which is of course common knowledge. And expected. I’ve been thinking about writing a film, a book, and I don’t know what all. But I never find the time. May be I am merely lying to myself? Maybe I don’t have it in me? May be am fooling myself that I can go through the grind of writing! I have to prove myself wrong and churn out the book or the script ASAP! Pronto! Damn, no amount of self-motivation is helping 🙁
May be I will earmark one day in the week, say Sunday to just writing this? I know it doesn’t work like this but I have way too much work and I need that work to pay the bills.
Damn, how to balance the call of creativity and majboori of money?
I think tomorrow I must wake up at 7 (lemme put an alarm), get ready and be at Starbucks at dot 8. Park myself there till about 4 or as long as they are open (since I dont have any calls planned and thus it’s cool with the ambient noise) and get these things out of the way. Most of the things I need done are anyway “creative” and thus I will be in the ideal zone to do so.
And while I do so, I will switch off my phone and other such distractions and just write, write and write. And of course, let the coffee run amok in my system!
Sounds like a plan. Let’s see how it goes.
Guess this is about it for the day. Here’s streaks…
Mare of Easttown – Unbiased review of the HBO hit featuring Kate Winslet. And deconstruction from the lens of a writer.
I finally saw what everyone seems to be raving about – Mare of Easttown. The hit HBO show has Kate Winslet in the lead role. She is supported by some million other characters, each pivotal for the story. And each actor seems to have delivered their roles as good as Kate has, if not better.
Kate Winslet at Mare. Of Easttown.
And in one line, Mare was a treat to watch!
Let’s get on with the review. And, spoiler alert 🙂
So what is ‘Mare of Easttown’ all about?
If I were to write the logline, it would go like…
Set in a small-town America, a middle-aged cop, troubled by her personal and professional demons is thrown into a murder case that threatens to rip the town apart.
Or…
When a young girl is found dead, the shockwaves rip the life in an American small town. Caught in the middle is this middle-aged cop that sildenafil wirkungsdauer has her own inner demons – both personal and professional.
However, the one on IMDB is, “A detective in a small Pennsylvania town investigates a local murder while trying to keep her life from falling apart”.
So, before I launch in the review, as a marketer and storyteller, lemme try and deconstruct the logline in a ‘checklist’ of sorts where I list down things that I expect from a pot-boiler. Unless some 80% of things on this list are checked, I know I wouldn’t want to binge on it. I wouldn’t enjoy seeing it and the time I spend there wouldn’t be worth it!
Jürgen Klopp on LFC squad fitness latest ahead of return – Liverpool FC buy deca Body Building Center Gym and Fitness T-shirtsmen’s Weight – Etsy
Here…
A small-town in America. That means everyone knows everyone. And that by itself creates exceptional drama. We know this because of all the films and TV pieces we’ve seen about America! You want a setting, a milieu as they call it in the parlance that has potential for great drama. By the virtue of its design. I mean in The Godfather, you know that it’s going to be a story of Mafia and will have strong familiar tones. You thus already know what kind of film it would be. Mare’s story is set in an American small town and it probably would have a hyperlink story with complex relationships between various characters. In the case of Mare? Check!
A detective trying to keep her life together. We can thus expect plenty of drama in terms of relationships with her family and close friends. There would be all emotions at display – love, affection, jealously, misunderstanding, insinuations, and more. Check!
A murder of a local girl. You already know that someone from the town is involved. You can already guess that the murderer would probably be related to the lead protagonist. You know that the investigation would wedge another split in her already broken life. Wow! Immense scope for drama. Check!
Without reading more from the logline, you know that such a story would have a string of murders (and not just one). Ooooh, exciting. Check.
You can further predict that there would be a few Red Herrings thrown in there for you to you chew on and get blind-sighted by. Not sure of this before you see it!
As an intelligent audience member, you know that there would be turns and twists and the plot would be a rollercoaster in terms of ups and downs. You would be on the same ride with the protagonist. That’s what an epic piece of cinema does to you! Again, I can’t be sure unless I see the first episode or something.
So I have 4 checks out of 6. Not bad!
Now. Coming to the 7-episode, limited-edition series on HBO (and available on Hotstar in India).
Kate Winslet plays Mare Sheehan, an early 50ish (or may be in her late 40s) woman with a complicated life — Has a love-hate relationship with the place where she’s literally spent all her life; Personal life is in shambles – grandmother already, divorced (and the ex-husband living next door and getting married again soon), constantly bickering with her mother; Professionally, is righteous, mostly good and yet has a year-old kidnapping case that she’s been unable to solve.
From the opening scene of the first episode, you are sucked deep into her world. It’s very well. You have a tough time understanding the complex shades that each character seems to have. You are left wondering, even flustered. But it’s intriguing enough for you to invest your time and brains in decoding all that’s on the screen.
You know that Mare is a no-nonsense, short-fused cop. You see shades of flaw in her characters. You see her world through her lens and through the fourth wall. The husband moving in next door, with clearly a better woman alongside. The lifetime she’s spent in the town. The corner she seems to have painted herself and how she’s pushed her own family on the brink. The conflict in her life and the story is revealed – the case that she can’t seem to solve. The town, her friends, and more importantly, she herself seem to carry the burden of the unsolved case.
Mare’s family. But Mare.
And when the cliffhanger for the first episode comes in, you are in for a treat.
The second episode opens with somber music. Probably the only piece of music that I thought was noteworthy. Mare knows the girl who’s died.
Lemme digress for a bit here. Pre COVID, I used death and dying loosely. The first book I wrote? It was bloodier than the whole of The Game of Thrones and had more corpses than the number of words in it. However, after COVID, I have changed a bit. Death has more meaning for me than life has ever had. It sucks that when you die, you are reduced to figments of imagination and the pile of clothes that once carried you and was part of your identity.
I loved the scene where Mare is forced to announce the death to the father of the girl. More than Mare, the actor that has played the father of the deceased has done a fabulous job! I literally welled up. This scene I thought was one of the best pieces of writing in the whole of Mare. Imagine you are woken up by a knock on the door. You are hungover and there’s the town cop and your cousins on the door. What would you imagine happened?
And of course, you expect the father to do what he would does in the cliffhanger for the second episode! And no, just because it is predictable, it does not mean that it’s not done well!
By the time you start with the third episode, you start seeing the “real” characters. Mare is transformed into an aged woman and she looks worn out. You see her mother taking her revenge on poor fruits on Fruit Ninja. Mare’s daughter is confused. The side cop asks Mare if there’s “anybody you are not related to”. Everyone in the town is torn and starts to look like a suspect!
This is exactly how hyperlink cinema should be.
Till this point, I was in awe of the writing. However, my enthusiasm dampened when they used the typically lazy device of an anonymous tip to move the story forward.
But then they redeemed when they made Mare do something unpredictable, something uncharacteristic. Something that will have dire consequences for Mare. Something that she could have avoided if only she did not take that action. It exposes the flaws in Mare as a human and by this time, I am in love with her!
The fourth episode opens with Mare’s mother asking if she was going to work late when Mare (and all of us viewers) know that she wasn’t going to! Then, she and her best friend Lor are sitting on a park bench. The bench, if you spotted it, is dedicated to Mare’s father. They even paused the camera there for a split second. Such tiny details are what appeal to the subconscious!
Mare and Lor on a park bench.
When Mare leans on Lor in the same scene, the dark writer in me is thinking, either Lor’s going to die a gruesome death or they would split soon thereafter. This fleeting thought moves on as you start seeing Mare as a reflection of yourself – someone harsh on self for no reason!
At this point, to be honest, I started losing interest. There are way too many Red Herrings and I found myself checking my phone a lot. I even played a few games of Chess while I waited for the story to move ahead.
PS: A little spoiler here. In case you are like and want to quit, please carry on. If you do, you will be rewarded handsomely in the end. There’s a brilliant ending that I can bet my ass on that you can’t guess what’s in store for you! At least for all the intelligence that I think I am blessed with, I couldn’t figure it out.
A large part of the fifth episode is Mare trying to cope with her past. While you see a lot of her family’s history and you tend to understand what has shaped her. You want to empathize with her but there’s way too many narrations and you feel like you are listening to an old woman rant on and on about the mistakes she’s made in her life.
I wished the writers could help the action rise in this episode but it was anything but that. The story skirts sideways for forever, into the personal lives of people that you are no longer interested in. You want to move on with it. There are more urgent matters at hand. You know, murders are happening that need solving!
Just when I decide that I’ve had enough of this and I was about to turn it off, the story takes a turn. You know how the plane crawls on the runway before it starts to run and then lift off? That. I felt that jolt towards the end of this episode. It came out of nowhere and suddenly, the story was as invigorated as it was in the first two episodes!
From the sixth episode onward, I was so involved with the story and the action and the screen in front of me that I stopped taking notes. My hyperactive mind is making scenarios where Mare’s daughter will probably get hurt. I even postulated in my head that Mare’s love interest would be revealed as the perp. Of course, I was wrong!
The case starts to crack open. While Mare remains unaware of who and why the audience is told about the secret. As a viewer, my interest is now to see Mare find her way and reach the conclusion. The curiosity is more on how than who. This shift in perspective from where both the audience and the protagonist in dark to where just the protagonist is now struggling is done really well. The transition is done so well that you don’t even realize that you have crossed the chasm and Mare is now all alone!
Of course, while you are sort of comforted by the knowledge of the crime, you continue to see Mare continue to struggle and make progress. She’s chipping away at a large boulder, trying to carve a picture out of it. One strike at a time. Like in most good cop stories, there is a lot of hard work, a lot of hustle, and of course, some luck.
As you start the seventh episode, you see Mare make connections. She seems to get closure on the case at hand. And of course, on the case that has been bugging her forever. More than just Mare, all other characters that are affected by the incidents tend to get closure.
Lemme talk about this for a bit. There is so much closure in the story that it’s unreal. I mean as a filmmaker, it’s your job to deliver closure to the characters and to the audience but this much closure? I wish they had left a few open ends, a few open windows. It would probably have made me take a little more note and invest a little more of myself into the story.
So that!
Oh, by the end of it, Mare makes a discovery that will leave you shocked, even gasping for breath for a bit. You would feel that you have redeemed the 7 hours you’ve invested in it. I wish I could write about it but I will have to let this hang in the air for you to discover and enjoy the journey with Mare! And if I may, please do go for it. You will enjoy it!
? ? What works well?
This list runs into pages! Let me try and write about the top 4 things.
1. Very very well-developed characters. Even the minor ones seem to have well-defined backstories and arcs. Most importantly, each character has a reason. There is not one character that is not needed to complete the narrative. Further, the presence of each character feels just right. You know, it’s like knowing a community intimately!
2. Acting. I could not spot one actor that has not performed well. Each actor felt natural. Each conversation felt real. To a point that at one time I forgot that I was watching a TV drama. It looked so real as if someone had planted cameras into a real small town somewhere deep in America!
3. A, B, C, … Y, Z stories. In any story that runs into such a length, you better have multiple threads and stories running in parallel. While Mare is Mare Sheehan’s story, each character has a story or two. Even in Mare’s story, there’s a B story and a C story and more! There is no way you would not get invested in it!
4. Detail. There are so many tiny things that add texture to the character and the story. In the second episode, Mare is getting ready for a date and she can’t find a lipstick that she likes! I mean this one tiny detail tells you so much about Mare that a whole book can! Then, throughout the series, the phone Mare uses has a smashed screen. I mean it’s such an insignificant detail and yet tells you so much!
? ? What could have been better?
There are very few things that I can point that damned red flag at. I think two things could’ve been better…
1. Music. Definitely. In my opinion, a great whodunnit is made legendary by the music it has. You know, how the jitters you get when you see a shocking scene are amplified by the music? I found that missing with Mare.
2. Tighter editing. The episodes in the messy middle felt dragged. Like I said, I found myself checking my phone a lot during the middle episodes. It’s like anything else. The beginning is euphoric. The end is ecstatic. The middle is, well, exhausting.
Mind you, I am not talking about the writing per se. It would make for a brilliant read. But on screen, the parts in the middle look bloated!
So that!
In the end…
Finally, when I evaluate stories and content, I ask myself two questions.
A, does it shift something in you as a human being? And B, are you haunted by it after years?
I mean I saw Nomadland recently (read my review here) and something shifted in me. Breaking Bad continues to haunt me. While I may not remember a lot, I can’t get over the characters like Walter White, Heisenberg, Saul, and more. I continue to have a soft spot for Walter and I am willing to excuse his actions. Images from Parasite are still fresh in my head. Closer home, a Joji has stayed with me. The nuances it had captured are deep and intricate. From The Godfather, even though it’s been decades, I still get the chills when I think about the wrath of the Corleones. As I write, I am thinking about what would Don Vito be like when he was still not Don.
In case of Mare, I find both these missing.
And this is why I would stop at a 3.5 on 5 for Mare. And not go up to a 4 or more.
I just hope Kate Winslet fans wouldn’t come after me for this apparent sacrilege.
With that, its the end of this post. Do let me know what you think of Mare of Easttown and if you were to review it, how would you.
Over and out!
Edits / notes / observations / comments…
Ankit is of the opinion that this piece has come out way too indulgent. I dont know what to say. Too many “I”s 😀
Akanksha points out few things. Two of those that I am taking note of are… A, this is way too long. I agree. And B, is while the crime is the subtext, the story is more about relationships – Mare’s personal life, her relationship with others around her, of other people and their interactions, and more. I agree. I missed this thread completely. To a point that I missed seeing Mare from the angle of it being a relationship-first story (and not a crime story).
