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230521 – Ennui and my attempt at fending it off!

A quick post on my attempts to fend off the boredom that has set in. And an attempt to find some sanity.

8:13 AM
Woke up a while ago. The alarm first rang at 5. I was supposed to record a podcast at 830 but canceled it last night. There’s so much pain around me that I was in no position to make a coherent conversation. It’s really affecting my work and all 🙁

In fact, the last night I was on the bed for hours and couldn’t find sleep. I was so fried that even playing a game of chess was a pain. I just couldn’t even surf Youtube or any other website. I think ennui is back.

Actually, come to think of it, it’s not ennui per se. I think it was the mental fatigue that you feel after you spend a hard day at work. While it was not a hard day per se, I did do a few things. In fact, during the day yesterday, I had a breakthrough of sorts. Since I was sleeping all the time while I was ~~home~~ house, I decided I will go to a friend’s place.

And I did.

I went to a friend’s place to work. While the table there was cramped and the chair was uncomfortable, I managed to spend enough and more time on a computer. To a point that I even put the writing page live! Of course, I need to add a lot more to this page. But I made the start.

Plus I was not sleepy. I did not sleep. I did not feel drowsy. Maybe it was the venti Americano that I had. And all this despite the place not being to my liking. He did not have an AC in the hall and I was sweating like a pig with all the garmi. But I managed to stay alert till about 6 and I spoke to new people. I was as much in the zone as I would be on a regular working day. I plan to go to his place today as well. Let’s see how today goes. I have to finish three large presentations today. If I can manage these, It would be awesome and I would know that things that

In other news, yesterday, I attended the pitching session of DocEdge. It was awe-inspiring, spell-binding, and eye-opening to say the least. Filmmakers from across the world presented the projects they are working on, on subjects that ranged from personal stories to communities to even national boundaries. I realized that I am living in a cocoon and the cinema I want to stand for is probably in the non-fiction space. I mean I do want to entertain the world and all that but I really want to inspire the world as well and what better way to do that than cinema?

Oh, and in attendance was a filmmaker that has won a Palme d’Or. Adding that to my #lifeGoals!

So that.

Like I said, I have three decks to write today. And attend DocEdge sessions. And think of how I can make a dent in the world. I plan to go over to the friend’s place again today and see how I perform.

So yeah. That’s about it for the day. Over and out. And here’s streaks…

Morning Pages / Meditations – 161
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 0 (had coffee yesterday. Will have more today as well)
#noCoke – 73
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Surya Namaskar – 1 (did 12 rounds)

220521 – Life and Death

A short post about my understanding of life and death. No, it’s not very rosy.

7:10 AM
Yesterday was weird. For some reason, I could not function. I was on the computer since the morning but I could not function at all. I was like a zombie. I was not thinking, not reacting, not doing. I was on a computer On one side, I am chilling with the two kids I adore more than anything else in life. And on another, someone close in the extended family passed away. I have known him to be a funny, respectful, and full of life person. I think I’ve even gone on holidays with him as a kid – you know when you’d pack yourself into a big car and would go in large groups to hill stations? That. While there is some sort of sadness over the passing of the said relative, I am more or less. To a point that apart from that momentary thought about him and how he looked and who all do I know from the family, I had no feeling of loss. To be honest, I’ve felt a far more personal loss at the passing of celebrities that I did not know of. Heck, I was disturbed by days when I heard about the passing of Steve Jobs. Even the scandals about Jeff and Bill. I was more fucked in the head when one of my colleagues passed away and even when one of my poker buddies passed away (even though I hadn’t heard from him in years).

I am not sure if I should be ashamed of this indifference towards someone who was close. Or I should be proud of my indifference towards someone who was close. I don’t know. I just know that death is messy and I am severely unequipped to handle the emotions that it invokes. To me, despite COVID, death has remained an academic thing. That happens to others, in books, and in popular media. This time I have lost people that are close and that I have spoken to and shared meals with and all that. And yet I remain emotionless. May be such is life. Such is the world. May be Steve was right all along. He said, “Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

#note2self. See Steve Jobs’ video. Here…

So that.

Moving on.

Today’s Saturday. And that means a lot of distractions won’t be around. Plus I have been slacking for some days now. I will probably pull my socks and get more things done. I will also try and work out from a friend’s place to prevent myself from plopping myself on a bed. I am sick and tired of working from home. I need a change in scenery for sure. I miss going to an office, I miss the energy of others. I can’t wait for a Starbucks to open. I can’t wait for the lockdown to go away. The way things are stacked in Mumbai, I think we would be out of the lockdown by the first week of June. I am so so so looking forward to it.

Guess this is it. There’s more to write but I will take a pause and do some Surya Namaskars. Been a few days.

Here’s the streak…

Morning Pages / Meditations – 160
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 3
#noCoke – 72
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0

PS: Today on, I will try and title the post with what’s on my mind.

190521 – Meditations

A quick post on things that are the top of my head this fine Wednesday morning.

8:29. Woke up 3 minutes ago. Had to be up at 7 to attend a docresi session. But could not 🙁 Damn damn damn. Must stop coffee. Back to the dangerous levels. Today on, it’s a strict no. Even if I need to work for long hours.

I have a long day ahead that I am already running behind 🙁

Ok. No rant. Not the first thing that I write. It’s 8:43 (took 15 minutes to wash my face, find music to play and all that). I will write till 9 and then get on with the day. Let’s see what all I get in.

In no order, things are the top of my head.

A. In the last 2 days, two different people (AAPune, HABlr) have asked me for tips and help on writing better. One of them is sort of close. Other is a mere business acquaintance. Plus a friend’s friend’s uncle wants to write his biography. I am working with him as well. So I am not just approached by friends. Yay! I am not sure what nudged them to seek help but I loved that I could recommend things to people and help them write more. I think the ability to write is a brilliant gift and if people think that I can help, why not! I think I will make a page where I would list almost all writing resources that I recommend and use! #note2self

B. I had a longish chat with AD yesterday where we spoke about things that I could do. While I want to do well with things, it somehow struck me that I want to be a deal maker. Or in ugly parlance, a power broker. I want to be someone that knows someone who can get things done for someone. I think I knew this forever and it’s just that it is not that I am being able to articulate this. I mean, I may have written this earlier, in some other post or some other place.

Thing is, I am not a doer per se. I don’t want to work on everything that I touch. I’d rather help connect dots and let the others figure the next steps. You want to buy cigarettes? I know someone. You want something exotic? I know where you could procure it. You want something done? I know just the right guy. So on and so forth.

I want to be that guy with a big Rolodex who knows which two people must talk.

Of course, there is no revenue model on this – I don’t want to charge a commission to connect things and people. I definitely don’t want to execute and then charge a fee. So I don’t know about the revenue model. At some point in time, will figure this out. Let’s see when I can do this.

C. The house hunt has come to a grinding halt over the last few days. I’ve been unable to search as I have kept busy with work and general randomness. I need to get out of this place before the end of June for sure. So need to up the effort on that.

I need to find a house that offers me space. And if possible a bird’s eye view into the distance. Right now, it has rained and I can see some green around where I live and it’s so so so soothing and pleasing to the eyes that I want to just continue to stare at it. So that.

Guess that’s about it. I mean there’s more but there are more pressing things to get to. And it’s 9:00.

Time to hit publish.

Oh, here’s streaks…

Morning Pages / Meditations – 157
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 0
#noCoke – 69
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0

170521 – Meditations

A quick post as I start what looks like a long week ahead!

8:46. I woke up 10 minutes ago. It’s probably after a while that I’ve slept in this late. Must stop all the coffee and midnight snacking adventures.

Mumbai is reporting fantastic weather right now. It’s raining and it’s windy. From the vantage point of my window, while for the most part I can just stare at other buildings and look into the bedrooms of my neighbors, I can see a bit of sky, and it’s everything I love – deep blue, dark, cloudy, and more. These are the times I wish I was back at Wadhwa – I once lived on the 24th floor of a high-rise and I think it was one of the best decisions of my life. Must make an attempt to get back to that!

Anyhow. So track of the day, that I am listening to loop on is this rendition of Afreen Afreen by this singer, Soumyadeep Sikdar of the Murshidabadi Project. I just can’t get over this person’s voice. And the emotion with which he sings. Love it! Once you’ve heard that, hop over to Chaap Tilak.

So on Sunday, I bumped into someone senior (HT) that I immensely respect. I know him since 2015, I think. And since then I have been mighty impressed by his clarity, direction, and knack for getting things done. I also realized his talent with effortless charm. For one, he remembered each tiny insignificant thing about me. He asked me about book2. Wow. And slap on the face ;p! Plus, He was all praises about how I do multiple things and so on and so forth. And then he had the same feedback for me like a lot of others – find one thing and get so good at it that you are the best at it across saat samandar. And I think it made sense. And I will work on it over the next few months. So that.

I mean if I was not straddling so many boats, I would probably be unable to survive the lockdown (events – my primary occupation took a beating and I could quickly shift to marketing consulting) and that’s the validation for my chasing multiple dreams. That worked well in crisis and would probably fail when things were ok. Let’s see if I actually move the needle towards getting good at brand strategy on digital mediums.

I also used Sunday to write my review of Nomadland. Here. Wrote a thing for public consumption after a long-time. Lemme know what you think.

In other news, I start Keto today. I plan to do a 30-day cycle. Since there is no travel planned (except the day when I need the next dose of my vaccine), I should be ok. Let’s see. About 10-12 days in, depending on how my system reacts to it, I will try to reduce calorific intake. And then eventually move towards OMAD. Let’s see how this one goes.

More than just Keto, this is my larger attempt at remaining fit. This lockdown has been detrimental to my health. I am eating way too many carbs at all hours and I am fucking my health like I’ve never done. Even in the last lockdown, I managed to eat better. At least I was walking more. I may not be able to control the world outside, the one that resides in me, I can control that for sure. I can control what goes in – food, air, thoughts. I can for sure nudge my thoughts in a better direction. The last few days have been extremely taxing. There’s just way too many people out there that are suffering and then there’s way too much noise that is literally deafening. But then, I should be able to control.

I dont have anything else to talk about. I mean I do. But not for the time being.

So yeah. That. Here’s streaks…

Morning Pages / Meditations – 155
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 0
#noCoke – 67
10 mins of meditation – 3
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0

PS: Removed a few things from the streak-tracker.

PPS: I realised that I am in a far better mood, even though there’s nothing to be happy about. Just because its not hot and its raining and there’s clouds outside! Yay!

110521 – Meditations

A quick post about things that are on the top of my head. Nothing special here. Read if you want to.

6:07. Been up for a bit. I woke up with the phone. I slept with it. I need to change this habit. There was a time when I would sleep away from the phone. Not anymore. The phone has become a constant companion. One reason is that there is so much to catch up on – not in terms of work but in terms of people – you know if everyone is ok. Does anyone need any help? Even things like if vaccination centers are open so that I could book slots. It’s a painful time to be around. And I live alone. No, I don’t feel the need to have someone around me. So the phone becomes the constant companion. The virtual world becomes the real place where I live and learn and thrive and all that. People I know from Twitter are now closer confidantes compared to the ones I know IRL. The phone, ladies, and gents have had a role to play in that. And thus, I wake up and sleep with it.

Anyhow. Today’s post will be a tiny one. I have a lot to finish before I start with Docedge sessions for the day. And today’s sessions are a lot about how to construct a scene visually. I thus need to get going. Lemme quickly dump what all is on my head.

So I took the COVID vaccine on Saturday. All of Sunday I was ok and I was laughing at it. I was actually admiring my immunity that I was the only one to not have any side effects of the vaccine. Till it all came crashing down on me yesterday. I just couldn’t function. I literally passed out while typing a message. By evening I was ok but it was a scary scary thing. I anyway hate medical shite!

Saw a tweet where a stranger was talking about 5-day water fast. I want to be able to do the same. In fact, once every 2 months. I have managed 50 odd hours a few times but I never touched 4 days, leave alone 5. Apparently, the 3rd day is the toughest. I think I will do this next week. Making a note. Let’s see if I manage. Also, such long fasts apparently put your body in Ketosis and the brain starts to work on overdrive. The things you do to stimulate the brain by coffee and psychotropics and alcohol and other such things can happen merely by staying hungry? In fact, KG told me that apparently, Michelangelo would stay hungry for weeks and then start painting! Well, too many apparentlys there. But the point is, I need some additional help, some unfair advantage to be able to fulfill my potential! If fasting can give me that and it’s only about controlling what you eat, why not?

I started the house hunt. Since I am just starting, I am hoping to get one without brokerage. I looked at some places on the western line. And then some in Thane. So far, I don’t like any. Most of the places listed on these real-estate websites are probably the ones that no one takes! This broker mafia needs to be broken and for some reason, no startup has been able to do that! Wonder why. I mean I know why but as a consumer, it sucks that the apparently simple problem hasn’t been solved. I hate this inconvenience that gets thrown at me each year. Whoever said that its a better financial decision to not buy a house probably did not have to hunt for a rental property.

Guess this is it. I mean there is more on my head.

Like…

I need to apply to NFDC’s Scriptlab and I am very very far from that. The deadline is next Monday. I have like 6 days to get that done. Let’s see if I manage. Taking more shots, outside of my league. You know.
I need to figure out the future of Podium. I feel there’s a lot of potential in what I could do with it. We have some superlative content there.
I need to ship that SoG book. The thing that I am yet to touch! It was supposed to ship in Jan. I think I need someone to help me ship things! Grrr…

Anyhow, over and out. Let me get onto work before I start wailing in self-pity.

Here’s the streaks…

Morning Pages / Meditations – 149
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 0
#noCoke – 62
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0

010521 – Meditations

Quick, short post on what’s clouding my head. Little confused and little all over the place.

8:12. I woke up a while ago. Heard some music. Saw two short films (The Gift and Who are you?). I’d recommend them highly. Really really good stories told really well. While I was seeing, I could relate to them at a human level and I had a tinge of envy – I wish I had made those. Every time I see something amazing, for some reason, I want to be the person that played a role in its coming to life. I don’t know why. I don’t know what in me makes me pine for such things. Anyhow.

So, we are on the first day of May. That means one-third of 2021 is over. Time to review the month and the quarter gone by. I know I am will not fare well but I’d love to do a review of sorts and see what I am failing at. May be next weekend. There’s a lot that needs to be done today.

Lemme talk about something that I have been ~~thinking~~ spotting for a few days. For some reason, everywhere I see, everything I watch, each conversation I have tends to tell me to work on the next book. I am sure this is not the first time I’ve had these strong signs but I think this time around, I think I will action!

I mean look at the signs – so strong and yet no action. Here are some…

The day before I wrote about a friend wanting help with a book.
Last night I saw a film and it used revenge as a minor hook.
A bunch of kids that I gave some 10-15K to help produce their short-films came back with a poster and I realized that they need a lot more than money if they have to do well.
Who are you? The film that I spoke about in the beginning.

So that. I must action.

Also, a new idea popped into my head. I mean new for me. Not new to the world. In fact, I tried to work on that idea with GD and Shatru way back in 2010 or something. I don’t even recall when it was. In one line, the idea is to create a library of characters, assets, literary work, assets, etc that can be monetized over the long term. It’s like planting a sapling that will start giving fruit after 100 years.

For example, I commission a few young kids to write edgy characters, plots, and stories. We release those in the world and let them take their own routes and evolve into a life of their own. And at some point, create a larger, more mainstream piece. Look at Raj Comics. They have this insane library of characters created by Pran and others. They can now monetize by creating such amazing content. Marvel and Disney have shown the way already with the way they are going. I love what Legendary does.

I did attempt it with TRS, PPP, and others but I realized I couldn’t control their destinies. I mean I am not a control freak but I believe platforms can do a lot more if I was in the driver’s seat. I am not the driver by design. I wanted to do multiple things. But this inability to move things is frustrating. I think the next thing I put together, I will want to be there. Let’s see what that is.

Anyhow. I am on a 100-year plan to create something that is larger than me. I just hope it plays out.

Let’s see how that happens. May be I will raise capital for that. But then, who’d invest patient capital to create things for that long? Know anyone?

In terms of more immediate things, I think I will get going with the second book. Something that I have been sitting on my ass for I don’t know how many years (7 if you are curious). So that. Lol, I am still “thinking”. Of action. #facepalm! Kya hoga mera.

Thing is, I know why I am not acting on the book. I need immediate feedback. I need to see progress. I need to see traction. The book is like, you know, takes a year to write and then months to see how it will pan out. On other things, I can see immediate output, experience immediate feedback, tweak if I have to.

The other things that I indulge in give me all these. And thus the things take longer to deliver get delayed. Plus Dal Roti. Sigh.

Plus, the other thread is conflicting interests. I like teaching (whatever little I can share). I know I like writing. I know I like helping others. And I know I want to have a lot of money. But for some reason, I haven’t been able to find a thing that marries all these. I mean have done independent things in each of these buckets but I haven’t found one thing that brings all these together. So that.

So the conundrum is – wanting long-term things, wanting to drive things, wanting dal roti, wanting to teach, wanting to want a million things. Lol.

Ok. Super jumbled in the head. Will pick this again tomorrow or something. Abhi need to get on with the day. A lot needs to be done. #toThink

Time to start the day. Here’s the streaks.

Morning Pages / Meditations – 139
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 52
#noCoke – 52
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 0.
Surya Namaskar – 0. Have missed this for 5 days now.

080421 – Meditations

A shortPost. Micropost, if you will. Just to get the streak going.

6:15. Andheri

I slept at 3ish and I am up already. I had to. There’s a lot on my plate. And thus, this post will be a short one. I have a boatload of work and less than a bucket of time. I need to do some serious focused, deep work if I have to get thru.

On the post today I wanted to comment on something that Leo Tolstoy once wrote. Here’s what he wrote about people from various nationalities. I wanted to give an Indian’s perspective.

In terms of achievement, I have to say that despite all the work I did yesterday, I still did not get myself a coffee. I know this is not something to be proud of. While I am trying to not get hooked onto anything specific, I still don’t know if I want to microdose on what I call performance additives. You know, coffee and such things. This requires some deeper introspection. Let’s see when I get around to that.

Apart from this, I have decided to get a home-office for myself that I can walk to. The intention is to get into zone more often, which I can never do while I am here.

Oh, the highlight of the day gone by has to be the filtering of applications for a role at TRS. We had some 80 applications and it was heartening to see so many people – young and old – wanting to work with us. Either we do some great work. Or there’s a lot of people wanting to get into films and all! I sincerely wish there was a way I could help each of those. I have started to believe that the future of work is individual brands and creators that get to make a living off their respective talents. I mean, there’s no way a small operation like TRS can hire more than 1 person. There’s no way I can hire more than a handful directly. But if we could enable each person to see light with their work, I am sure they’d be able to make enough from their friends, families, and strangers that they would live a more fulfilled life. Just that they’d have to create consistently and will have to work for the long haul! I hope they find a way. I hope we find our rockstar team member to help us through the next phase of growth.

Anyhow. More on this someday. Lol. Too many things have more someday ;P

Enough of musings. Time is short. Need to go. Here’s streaks…

Morning Pages / Meditations – 118
#aPicADay – 98 Wow, just 2 days to go for a 100-day streak!
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 29
#noCoke – 29
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 1

With that, its over and out. Took me less than 5 minutes to get this out of the way. At least now I can focus on actual work at hand!

070421 – Meditations

A short ranty post that I converted midway into a piece of text for book2.

7:16 Andheri

Woke up ok. Better than the last few days. Guess I am getting used to the idea of sleeping in a noisy room with a lousy AC. So that’s cool.

So the highlight of yesterday has to be that I walked 10K steps yesterday. I don’t know after how many days. I mean I can find out the number of days but it’s been a while. It sucks to have been trapped in this house. I am trying to walk as much as possible (and that’s why the 10K) but I need to find another place for sure. May be some friend’s house.

OK!
I AM RANTING.
NEED TO STOP THIS. SO TODAY’S POST IS ONLY GONNA BE A PAGE FROM BOOK2.

[START]

One of Udita’a guilty pleasure is to play Jagjit Singh’s tracks early in the morning. Guilty pleasure because this was unlike the music Mrs. Gomes liked and you cant do shit at Caravan Serai that Mrs. Gomes did not approve of. But then at this ungodly hour, there were hardly any guests at Caravan Serai. All she had for company and audience was the cleaning crew that was anyway busy washing away what the revellers left behind the night, the cooing of birds that owned the beaches before the first stream of early risers started their jogs and the omnipresent sound of waves lapping up to the beach. These waves would drown out as the world started to life but at this time, there was hardly anyone that could give competition to what was probably the sweetest of sounds that nature created.

Except the rare, occasional song that the lone guard perched outside Caravan Serai would break into once in a while. These melodies were so rare that even after 5ish year at Caravan Serai, she would still get surprised when she heard him play his flute and sing. The language that he sung in had to be a dialect from Konkan but was different from what people spoke in Goa or even Maharashtra or Karnataka. Everytime she asked him about the songs he sung, he would skirt the conversation and divert her attention to something urgent happening at the other end of Caravan Serai.

Today, however she was determined to find out. The tourist season was long gone and there wasn’t a lot to be done anyway. She plugged in Jagjit’s Beyond Time and made her way to where the G001 was stationed. G001’s been around for a long time and as soon as he spotted Udita walking towards he knew what she would ask. Before she could make it, he walked off towards the beach.

Udita knew he was running away from the conversation and she had to ask him today. She was like any other young girl. Once she decided what she wanted, she would not rest till she got it.

She ran after him. “G001, wait! I need some help!” She knew he couldnt say to a call for help. Even if that would mean he’d have to put himself in harm’s way.

He slowed his unnaturally fast gait and turned around to ask her, “what happened? Is everything ok?”

She was still pacing towards him. She said, “Yes, yes. I just heard a piece of music and I need your help to place it.”

He knew where this was going. They’ve played this cat and mouse for a long time now. He sped towards the beach and said, “Not now. Mrs. Gomes has been asking me for a week now to get her a… “

Udita was literally running towards him. He was walking away effortlessly towards the sea. And yet the gap between them seemed to be increasing every second. She could hardly hear what he was saying. The gentle sounds of the waves crashing into the beach had now become loud thuds.

Udita yelled, “I can’t hear you, G001!”

G001 did not show any signs of stopping. He probably ignored what Udita said. The sea as restless today. The waves hit the land with more might than what G001 remembered. He knew that in another minute or so he will have to stop and face Udita. He did not know that he was going to be wrong about.

Udita knew this as well. She could see that he had reached to almost the end of the beach. She slowed down and said, “Where would you do now? I know you dont know how to swim! I am going to get my answers today!”

G001 turned around. Resigned to fate.

Udita came to a stop and bent over to catch breath. It was a tough hike, especially on the sandy beach.

She was about to come up with her trademark wisecrack but for a loud bang from where Caravan Serai was. She couldn’t comprehend what had transpired. All she could see was G001 running towards Caravan Serai, this time with a speed that she thought was humanly impossible.

[END]

So, to give context and add notes for myself, this is how I develop backstories of characters. This piece will probably not make it to the book whenever it comes out.

So that.
Felt good.
Maybe I will do this instead of ranting about how my house sucks and how I cant get fit and how I am growing old. May be. Let’s see how I feel when I wake up tomorrow.

Here’s streaks.

Morning Pages / Meditations – 117
#aPicADay – 97
10K steps a day – 1
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 28
#noCoke – 28
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0

030421 – Meditations

A short note about my love for hotels and how I thinking way too much about the space that I live in!

6:12. Surat.

On a work call yesterday, when I told the client that I am in Surat, she asked me if I have decided to travel through the length and the breadth of the country while we are in the lockdown. Funny but that’s how it is. Even though I don’t want to be traveling, things happen. Plus the lust to be on the road is never-ending! So ya! That!

I am in a hotel as I write this. Not a fancy resort kinds but more of a comfortable business hotel. I have stayed in one after almost a year (I think the last I stayed in a hotel was when I did that event in Lucknow in Mar 2020). I sort of missed it! The thing is, I love hotels as much as I love to travel! There’s something about white bedsheets as taut as the skin of the drum, staff as impersonal as doctors, the furnishings in the room like a page from a luxury magazine, the characteristic smell of the bathroom towels, the hazaar pillows strewn around the room, the laundry bags, the water bottles aligned liked the ships in a battle formation! Uff, I can continue to write about hotels. I miss those days when I was with Gravity and I literally lived in hotels (or transits) for a large part of a month. Damn, I miss those days. In fact, if I had the means, I would literally live in a hotel, you know, in a serviced apartment! I can totally live in a hotel even if they are impersonal af. Well, maybe someday. Someday karte karte half the life is over!

So the other decision that I took over the last two days is that I am moving out of the current house I am in. Have had enough of it. Too small. Too cramped. Too old. I keep bumping into walls or furniture. I keep spotting a lizard or a cockroach in the house. I can’t move around when I take phone calls. The entitlement from other residents is mind-boggling. You know how the human mind works. You can find mistakes in everything if you want to. You know, the rationalizing animals that we are.

I think that decision to get unfurnished, empty houses in new buildings is the best one. I can then plonk a mattress, fit my writing table and the bookshelf in it and get almirahs on rent to store a handful of clothes I own. And I am set! I can literally workout in all the empty space that I would get. Of course, all this makes the house an impersonal and functional space. I wouldn’t be able to host anyone there. I wouldn’t be able to invite friends etc. But that’s ok. I anyway don’t like the idea of people in my personal space. The 6-month lock-in gets over at the end of May and I will start a hunt for a place. Unless I get the Goa project off the ground by then. No, I have not given up on Goa. Lol!

If you realize, for some reason, I have decided that I want to move on from the current place and I am now seeking excuses and “rational” reasons for moving on. I should actually talk about this in more detail on this blog. Or even on SoG.

I have more to write but I guess that’s about it for today. I am running on a clock. Need to get out and about in less than 30 minutes and have a workpiece to write by that time. More later.

Here’s the streaks.

Morning Pages / Meditations – 113. I am glad I could pull this off even when I was on the road.
#aPicADay – 93
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 24
#noCoke – 24
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0

010421 – Meditations

A short post (yet again). On how I spent yesterday. And nothing else.

8:54 AM. Starbucks, Versova. Back on a computer. Yay!

I am late today. But der aaye, durust aaye. I am yet to start the day and this remains the first thing I do. Of course, after I reloaded money in Starbucks (they have increased prices from today), paid one of my people their salary (thanks to some logistical snafu, I got delayed by a day), and planned for the day (I have a lot on my plate – I took it easy yesterday). Wait. Lemme talk about yesterday.

I had a, well, interesting day yesterday. I use the word interesting loosely.

I woke up like I would do on any regular day and I had this notification on my phone that mandated that I bring out the problem-solver in me. This is when I lose all ego and get my blinders on and start trying to find ways and means and resources and options and scenarios to fix the issue at hand.

While this one was a small one and easily solved, thanks to friends and money, it made me realize all over again the importance of abundance, of shortness of time, and cultivating great relationships. I, of course, suck with at least one of the aforementioned things. Need to work on those. And no. No specifics. Like I told you yesterday, this involves others.

Few lessons for me from yesterday.

While life is beautiful, it’s also fragile and unpredictable. Need to be able to learn how to live with it and adapt to the ~~curve balls~~ googlies that it throws at you.
I need to proactively chase abundance and cultivate friendships. I have sucked at this all my life. Need to change that.
Must meet more people that are FAR more resourceful than I. And truth be told, I am VERY resourceful. One of those self-brags that I am ok to make. Need to find better people. Connect me?

So that.

The highlight of yesterday has to be the time I spent in the car. I really really dig cars and roads. I was in the zone for almost all the time I drove. Even though this getting spaced out fucks the heads of people traveling with me (was evident yesterday as well), I think it’s worth taking their wrath. I mean road-tripping is probably the only thing that I am very very touchy and particular about. I want to be left alone. I want to not chat. I want my music and I want silence. I want cars to be spic and span. Roads to be smooth like silk.

I must write an ode to the road. Something that betters this TVC (The Road is a Friend) that Apollo Tyres made once upon a time.

In an ideal world, I will never share my road trips with others. But since I don’t have a car of my own, I am often forced to. Which is ok. Most people that I go on trips with are people that are ok with my getting spaced out. Grateful that I have them around me. Ok, too much incoherence in thoughts. Maybe sometime later. The number of things that I am pushing to later is like million-miles long.

Guess this is about it. A mountain of things to be done is staring at me. Time to go chip away at those. Before I go, here’s the streak…

Morning Pages / Meditations – 111
#aPicADay – 91
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 22
#noCoke – 22
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0