Category: Writing

070321 – Morning Pages

I talk about various things clouding my head. These include a car, search for a more spacious house and chess! Read on.

6:45 AM. Morning. Let’s dive head on. On things that are in my head. In bullet points.

A. Car.
Just woke up and for some reason, I am pining for a car. For some reason, been pining for the last few days years. I know I can’t afford one. Not for at least the next few quarters. But the thing is, there’s nothing that gives me more pleasure than a drive.

I think I know what’s the trigger here. A very old friend that I have sort of lost touch with called and asked if I’d want to drive out to Lonavala. Last I knew, he had a Volkswagen Polo and is among those few that share my love for drives. All these years, VG has been a constant companion for drives but then life happened and the drives dried down. This old friend, when he asked for a drive, like a druggie, I was salivating even before he mentioned Lonavala. I wanted it at that instant. Like now. But the dude asked me for a thing on the weekend. And when the weekend came, he bailed on me. Damn! Imagine you tell a coke-addict that he’d get a lifeline but when he doesn’t how would he feel? That! I wanted to scream out loud! It was like someone snatched candy from a kid that wants nothing but that. Like I said, I am the happiest when I am behind a steering wheel and I am on a road. I should’ve become an uber driver ;P

Unrelated. May be I am pining so much cos a couple of friends bought new cars in the last few days? I dont think so. I am definitely not jealous, rather, happy for them for these step-ups in life.

See this…

B. Aram Nagar
Finally made some progress on the Aram Nagar project. In the week that’s gone by, have had a couple of meetings already with Mudit on it. Oh, Mudit is a writer, director and has agreed to come on board and help. We have started to jam and see where it goes. We aim to shoot a few photos next week to see what we get. Idea is to capture the richness of the place that probably has the single largest contribution to the film industry. Let’s see how it goes. This is not a major project per se but I would like to see it happen. With Mudit on board, I hope it gets on a fast track.

C. Chess.
I am embarrassed to report that I just can’t seem to win anymore at chess. In the last 30 days, I’ve lost almost every game I’ve played. No, I don’t want to be a grandmaster. And I am very very average. But I don’t like the idea of a losing streak.

See this chart…

Do you see the slippery slope to the right? The fuck! I don’t know what to do about it. No, I don’t want to take tutorials. I don’t plan to play for a living and it will remain a hobby (and that too a non-serious one) for sure. I just need to end this streak.

D. Better House
So, I have decided that I want to be in Mumbai for the next few months (till I get some stability in life), I need to find a better place to live. The one I live in is not bad, to be honest. Just that it’s like a pigeonhole. I’ve not had fancy houses but whatever ones I had, they were always spacious and airy. Even in Mumbai. The ones that were not spacious, I made space by throwing away furniture. I like the idea of sleeping on a mattress. This one is neither spacious, not airy. And has so much furniture in it that I keep bumping into things even if I stretch my arms. So I need to change. Especially if I am going to WFH for the new few months.

The thing is, I am ok to change but I hate the idea of paying the exorbitant brokerage each time I want to move. But then the damn brokers do add value, to be honest. They rely on information asymmetry and give you numerous options that are otherwise impossible to find.

Plus moving comes with its own stress. You sort of leave a place and then if you are unable to find a place fast, you tend to make a hasty decision. I got lucky with the one before this. I loved the location and the space and the fact that it was a new building. Wait. That’s the thing. I don’t like those old houses that have been lived in. I like new constructions where I am either the first or the second tenant. This is for two reasons. A, since these are modern constructions, these tend to have a little better planned architecture. And B, since these are new, these places are cleaner and have lesser issues.

So that. Need to get started with househunting.

E. Jake Peralta and Gina Linetti.
I don’t know who told me about Brooklyn Nine-Nine. But the way I can’t stop winning at chess, I can’t quit seeing this. I mean this is as close to binge-watching things as I have been in the last three years. I don’t consume a lot of TV content and I am surprised at myself that I love this so much.

The two characters that stand out for me are Jake and Gina.

Jake, well, I want to be him. Lol. Goofy and funny and irreverent to authority and best part? Brilliant at what he does!

Gina, I want to date a Gina! Funny, opinionated, exuberant, outspoken and all that.

So that.

F. Fucking Book2
Lol. Book2 has taken the backseat for the time being. There are other larger issues to tackle.

With this, it’s over and out. See you guys tom!

060321 – Morning Pages

Update on new projects, personal board, irrational attempts at finding peace in religion, chase of fame and more. Read on.

4:42 AM. Yeah. That early. I just woke up. Eyes are still groggy. I am yet to even wash my face. I slept early last night. Actually not slept. I forced myself to sleep. There’s a lot on my head but I am not sure I want to write about it here. I know I promised to live in public but there are a few things that I am still not ready to share with the world. There are other things that I can talk about. Let’s go!

So I have decided that am going to be in Mumbai for the next three months. At least. So the Goa experiment is done for the time being. Unless I can do things from here. Not sure if that’s meaningful. Or may be I will travel there on this weekends as I stabilize things. Let’s see. For the time being, I need to get some stability in life in terms of money (not career) and that may not happen when I am in Goa. So, Mumbai.

At a new project level, I have started to work two things. I’ve been working on these for a while now but made a promise in my head over the last few days about these and then actioned baby steps on these.

  • A, An anthology film project. If there’s anyone that wants to contribute, happy to share more details. I will need to hustle like mad to get it going. Let’s see what I do. I am giving myself this year for it.
  • B, The Investor Thesis Podcast where I plan to record with investors and see what they’re up to.

More on both these in next few days.

In other news, went to one of the marquee address in Mumbai yesterday for a meeting. I was bowled over by the lavishness. This is exactly the kind of place i had hoped I would get to live in life. May be this is life’s way of showing me that acche din are around the corner? #lifeGoal

After the meeting, I walked around for a bit yesterday. And it felt good. Even though the chappal I walk in is broken and all that, I walked and it felt really nice. Now that I have decided to be here, may be I will add at least the commitment to walk in the list of things that I do? In Goa, to be honest, I didn’t really walk. Even to pick up water, I would take a scooty.

Oh, yesterday, I was so fucked in the head (about the thing that I refused to talk right at the beginning that I needed to let the steam). And there was no way to do so. I mean there’s no one who understands me or who I can talk to about. So I walked around. And took a step in the direction of being irrationally religious. It sucks. I can see myself falling down the rabbit hole and I don’t know how to stop it. I know that the concept of God and religion and a higher power is flawed and for the weaklings. But when I walked, I moved in the direction of Siddhi Vinayak. I have scoffed at religion and temples and all that all my life but for some reason, I felt compelled to walk there. I even looked up direction on maps. All this while I did not want to go there. And yet I continued to walk there. And then I reached. No, I did not go outside. No, I didn’t feel anything special. No, I was not elated. But I did walk till there. But I walked till there and then took a cab home. And I did. I think this is how people become superstitious. Weak moments make men do funny things. Let’s see if I do this again.

Yesterday, I took Krishna’s advice where he said that every time I spend any discretionary money, I must save an equivalent amount. I started already with it. Let’s see if I can continue with it.

Oh, I connected a mouse to this computer and wow, I love it! Lol.

Ok, each passing day I realize that I need to get famous. No one appreciates what you do and what your ideas amount to. But if you are famous, even your discarded napkins are useful. I know that I am not inherently talented and I thus need to work hard. And that means I need to up my creation and distribution game by multiple notches. Yeah yeah, easy thing is to work on #book2. But then I am sort of unable to even start it! Maybe just like today, I will wake up at this ungodly hour and I will dedicate these few hours to book2? But what about the time I need to deliver on three jobs that am juggling at the same time? Arrgghhh, damn these questions. Life would be far simpler if I had a rich father, rich girlfriend, or a cushy corporate naukri where I would push papers and live easier. I don’t praise myself a lot and I am not trying to compare myself to others but I think the way I have been able to cope with disappointments one after other, I am good! Lol! Vain, Mr. Garg, fucking seeking validation all the fucking time!

I also spoke to VK about random things yesterday. With her, I have actioned that idea where I want to make my personal board a little more active. She has consented to be the first member. Yay! I will add more people over the next few days. I am hoping to have about 10 people there. Each has to be honest, upfront, invested in my success, and must want to help me reach greatness. Let’s see how it goes.

So, this is about for the day. Need to get moving with work. Quite a few things on my plate. Over and out.

050321 – Morning Pages

A quick rant on how I was made to feel at a meeting yesterday.

5:30. AM.
I am up! And on it. Listening to Khawabon Key Parinde. I’ve always been a king of wishful thinking. I’ve even written about it on my blog once. Here.

So, today I get to meet one of my newer clients. I have been working for him since Oct last year and everytime I have spoken to him, I have left the (zoom) room inspired. This is my first IRL meeting with him. Lets see how it goes.

Yesterday was a mixed bag. Largely, took it easy. I had a few calls and I was a silent observer at most of those places. I don’t like to play a passive role but I think it’s ok to not want to run the show all the time. I think my fly as high as the Icarus needs taming and these meetings are sobering me up. Just that I don’t like when I am interrupted and cut in the middle by people. Or when I am taken for granted. Or when I am shrugged like a flunky in the white shirt. I remember I wrote about this 10 years ago and I am yet to get over it. This is not my ego per se. This is more about being treated as an equal human. That sucks. Someone told me a few days back that you rather work with someone that respects you than someone who pays you a lot. But then that’s naukri. If you want to win the world and become like Elon, Jeff, and others, you need to do what Guru Bhai tells us!

Anyhow. Moving on.

I was with someone else yesterday when they reminded me that I am a published author. Lol. Must move my ass and write more. The battle between making ends meet and chasing the dreams is a neverending one. Days like this I wish I had picked a comfortable job that would have given me the weekends to do whatever I wanted to. Or I had a rich father. Or a rich wife. Anyone wants to adopt? Or marry me? You need to have 10 odd crores to giveaway to me. Or maybe I can put my head down and write. Lol!

So that.

I guess that’s about it. Short post but at least poured out what gave me a sleepless night. Over and out.

PS: Funny that I am 38, I am triggered and affected by these trangressions of people that I work with. And this is when I want to change the world and impact a billion lives and make a billion dollars and all that. Sigh. At my age, people are making the world go around and I am cribbing about such tiny things. Damn, Mr. Garg!

040321 – Morning Pages

A note on trains, a third-party realization about how I work and a rant.

7:56 AM. Mumbai.

Yeah, I came here last night. On a train. I have now taken more trains this year than I have taken in the last 10 years. Except for the locals. And the metro. I hate train travel that much. But then thanks to COVID and the ridiculous inconvenience imposed on air travel, I had to do this.

But then, despite my hatred, I have to say, trains are awesome. Each person in the train is a story. Each person is there for a reason. And is going to someone. Or away from someone. Like last night, there was this old man (who the Ticket Checker told me was 75) who was drunk out of his wits and was picking a random bone with a co-passenger. To a point that he called cops!

I also have to say that the quality of train travel has grown leaps and bounds. I could order from a menu of a million dishes from Chinese, Indian, Fast Food cuisines and there were fresh fruits and snacks from all parts of the country. It was amazing. The compartments were clean. The toilets remained filthy but I think that’s more to do with travelers than the railways. Good job, Indian Railways.
So, am in Mumbai. Had to come here for a meeting that could not be pushed. I still want to be back in Goa. Or at least have a foot there. But then, I have to chase money before other things.

Anyhow. So, yesterday, I was talking to Akshay (my partner at Podium). He said a couple of very interesting things (which I knew intuitively but was amazing to hear from someone else). He said one, I perform the best when I am juggling multiple things. And two, when I sniff that money is around the corner.

Of course I kind of knew both these things but I never thought AD would be so good to be able to figure it from a distance. Or may be he’s not good, I am merely so visible with these actions that any intelligent person would be able to spot those. Lol.

The point is, he’s right. And I need to play to the “strength”. If I can call this strength. And how do I play? Well, simple. Find so many opportunities that I am unable to handle, as long as each of those has the potential to throw money at me. So going forward, that would be the mantra. Do you know any such opportunities?

What else?

Oh yeah. That old person from the train. I have to have to have to do whatever it takes to not go senile when I am old. It just sucks that people want to respect you because you are old and because you are senile, you lose the respect, and to make matters worse, they pity you. The worst thing that can happen is people pitying you. I will rather walk into the jungle. I hope some of my younger friends would help me retain the sanity. And if not that, push me in a jungle. I may not have been able to do a lot in life but I will not become someone that people pity!

Guess this is it. I have a fairly long day. Need to move the butt.

No, nothing on book2 :(. Dunno when I will be back.

Let’s see.

030321 – Morning Pages

I feel I have a lot to tell / write. But the words are not flowing 🙁

7:49 AM.

So yesterday I had a funny day. The stars had never aligned so well for anything ever in my life. I had two-three conversations open about various things and EACH of those moved along and actually closed! I mean, not just moved forward but actually closed.

I was chasing these for various lengths of time. One was first proposed some 2 years ago! Just that all these landed at the same time. So yay! Guess that’s how things are. You chisel at things for long and one fine day, they close. Now, need to deliver on those and move on to other things. Also reminds me of the idea of optionality by Naval.

The track of the day is one of the most iconic Punjabi music pieces ever – Mundiya Tu Bach Ke Rahi. See it here. #note2self – Must learn dance.

The one after this is the background music for the film Lootera. It’s here.

What else?

Oh yeah. I am back to Mumbai today. I have this meeting with a client and I can’t do that online. Plus the things that have worked out that I spoke about earlier? They will require me to meet various people to be able to do those well. Once I start, I can be remote. So that’s cool. With this, I think the Mumbai vs Goa debate is getting settled.

Ok, I don’t know what else to write. Words are not flowing :(. There’s a lot on my head but I can’t seem to pen those. Lemme put bullet points.

  1. I was talking to SG2 yesterday and as always she gave me a great perspective on things. I wish I had as much intelligence as her!
  2. For one of the calls where I did not have to make notes, I used a high table as a standing desk and it was amazing. I need to get one. Let’s see how I do that.
  3. …

No, not even the bullets is helping. Words are just not flowing 🙁

I think this is it for the day. More tomorrow.

020321 – Morning Pages

A quick post about how I dont have to write a post 😀

8:29. This is not the first thing am doing today. Work has picked up (yay!) and that means that time is at a premium now. And I have decided to push the limits and do podcasts and films and books and work!

I woke up at 6ish and went straight to my computer. And belted out a few emails, proposals, and other generic things. Then I had a longish chat with my sis. Then I bought a toothbrush, well, you know why. And then I had another work call. And another work call. And one more. Sigh. Will probably have to get up earlier.

I knew I had to talk about something but I can’t seem to pinpoint it.

I think one was that I am for some reason, ok to work from this home in Goa. Sir got Internet installed and now I don’t have to run helter-skelter. The latency and reliability are still an issue but I have internet. The other reason I think is that the place is spacious. Or maybe because this is in a quiet part of the most populous beach in India!

The other thing is that I am still on the fence about being in Mumbai or Goa. Truth be told, I am leaning more and more towards Mumbai. Simple reason is that I need to be in the middle of an ecosystem. Mumbai allows me that for sure.

What else? I cant think of anything. I think these pages are great braindumps only if you work on these in the morning.

Guess, will wrap this here and jump into the day. Over and out.

PS: I know this doesn’t amount to much. I am just glad that even if I get 300 words, I am able to write and publish. I want to keep this streak going for as long.

010321 – Morning Pages

I talk about how I spent Sunday and couple of ideas (one of those is called Killer Boogie) I picked up from conversations with people.

6:58. Goa.
Sunday was like Sunday is for most people. No work, except a couple of catch-up calls. A couple of lunches. A stroll down the beach. Conversations with strangers at a bar. Sleep for about 7 hours. I can see the allure and how people can get used to this lackadaisical idea. Need to not fall in the trap!

So, it’s March!

The last month of the first quarter of the year. Times flying past by and I am merely playing catch-up with it. It’s not a good feeling. March also is when most of India starts sweltering with heat. And I know I will not like it. I need to find a solution to that. A place that has a comfortable table and a non-stop AC. Maybe a Starbucks! Lol!

So moving on. Yesterday, I met SNR for a lunch. She and I are part of a writing cohort where we try and write long-form pieces. I know for a few months now and this was the first time I was meeting her. As expected, the meeting was fun, insightful and it sparked a million ideas. I realized I enjoy conversations that talk about possibilities and output. And not general chit-chat. Among other things that we talked about, we got talking about writing cohort. Since it’s not very active, she said, what if it were a paid one? People will probably take it more seriously and actually show up. It makes sense and is a commonsensical input. But I am not keen on making money off what I “teach”. Teach as in, share with the world. I have been a beneficiary of the kindness of people and there is no way I will “monetize” it.

One way could be that I could donate all of it some charity or something? Or could we give all that we collect to the best writer of the group? You know, like potluck? Let’s see. #parkedIdeas

She also told me about this dance routine called Killer Boogie. Apparently more of a workout than a dance routine, she told me it helped her channel her energy!

I need something exactly like that. I think I will pick it up and see how it goes. Here’s a video of the Boogie.

No, I don’t know more about it. There’s no Wikipedia page. There is no tutorial. But it’s intriguing for sure. I will explore it. #note2self

Apart from that, at Nicky’s, I met this German couple (see footnote) that has lived in places like Pakistan, Indonesia, Bangladesh, and more. Now they are in India. Oh, the stories they told were fascinating. They talked about traveling in those trains that were pulled by steam locomotives (around the 70s). Since there were no ACs, the windows of the coaches were kept open. And since the smoke billowing from the machine wafts behind the engine, your body will get covered with this layer of black thing that was a mix of sweat, smoke, dirt, grime, and whatnot. The guy said that by the time you finished your journey over two-three days, you would be five shades darker. I realized that I could use this (and more stories from them) for #book2. There is indeed this set of characters that travel around the country (lead by Raunak Singh) and I can use this piece in the book. Yay!

They also told me about the Hippie Trail where they would come into Goa from Lahore and then drive all the way upto Kathmandu. I need to probably read more about how these guys discovered Goa and Kathmandu and what made them travel in their vans and all. May be I need to get a car and live in it for a few days. You know, the next radical experiment 😀

Moving on.

Today (and this week in general) is gonna be murderous if that’s a word. In the sense that there’s a lot pending from the previous week. I am lagging behind various projects and I need to deliver those. I am staring at many sleepless nights this week. See what I have become – a creature that seeks comfort over challenging myself and my limits. In fact, SNR spoke a lot about pushing limits by doing things that are out of her comfort zone. I think I need to start doing those. I will probably start doing things that are out of character for me. Of course, I will stay within the boundaries of what a good human being should be. I can start with small things. Like trying to live without an AC. Lol! I will quit in 2 hours ;P

No. On serious note. If I can push myself, I can probably start with things that are open with me for long! You know, things like writing more often, working out and more.

And with that, its a wrap. Time to get going with the day. No, no time for #book2 today either.

Over and out!

Footnote 1 – I just realized that I get to meet more eclectic and interesting people in Goa than I meet in Mumbai. In Mumbai, most people are similar and are in predictable professions (you know, marketing, banking, films, etc). In Goa, because people tend to gravitate to this place, you meet a diverse bunch.

280221 – Morning Pages

A longish post about thoughts on a car, events, friends, relationships and alcohol. Read on.

8:04 AM.

Hello, World! I have a lot to say. I hope I get the words. Though I am tired (physically) and exhausted (mentally), I want to try and pour things that are clouding my head. Most of these would be recurring themes and ideas – this text would be an exercise in finding arguments for and against that narrative. I have often done these brain dumps in the past to let the load off my head and they’ve been helpful. What comes out is more of a blog than anything else, but it is immensely helpful!

Here we go. As always, in no order.

A. I couldn’t publish morning pages yesterday. I knew I wouldn’t be able to. I had a lot happening. But I knew that I could easily write a couple of paras and upload those. But then I couldn’t even do that. I mean I wrote a para and I thought I had published but I realized late last night that I did not hit the publish button. The streak of I don’t know how many days (well over 60 easily) was broken 🙁 Damn!

B. At Spotlight, the monthly start-up pitch event at The Podium, for the Feb edition, we hosted Roshan Abbas to give feedback to some start-ups. This was the second in the series of such events and the interactions have been so so good. Listening to a brain like Roshan Sir give inputs on startups from relationships, ed-tech was such a learning experience. He said a lot of things that I intuitively knew were right. And he said a lot of things that I think I don’t agree with. Irrespective, I think it was time spent well. Need to somehow scale it and take it to bigger scale.

More than just advice, he was VERY very candid and offered these startups introductions to other angels, HNIs and even people who could work with these startups! This in itself is worth the time spent!

I also must mention that at some level, Roshan Sir is the next step in evolution for me. I mean he is from a communication, events, and marketing background. He has set up multiple companies and has run those parallelly. He has had an exit. He is an angel investor and enabling people to do more with access to capital and connections. He continues to work harder than most of his peers and continues to push himself. Sounds EXACTLY like how I want to live my life! Reminds me of that Kabir couplet…

Sai itna dijiye, jaame kutumb samaay,

main bhookha naa rahoon, sadhu na bhookha jaaye

By Kabir

So that.

C. Event. Last two days, I helped a friend manage a wedding event in Goa. While weddings is new to me and I have only done a handful of these, I realized, I love being on the ground lot more than making presentations. I mean given an option, I would be on the ground, in shorts and tees rather than being in a boardroom with a jacket on.

Since this was one of those events where I was detached from, a few things struck me as an epiphany. Lemme try and talk about those.

1/ This was an intimate wedding with just a handful of guests in the audience, each a friend or family. I loved the joy on their faces and general happiness all around. For once I felt human and I thought maybe a wedding is worth an ordeal only to make your family happy. The other thing is the realization that I’ve never had and will probably never have a group of close-knit friends that I saw yesterday. I’ve always been an outcast, dark-horse, odd-one out. The one that is ignored conveniently and forgotten easily. Even in the romantic relationships I’ve had, I’ve not been the person that got attention. Which is ok. Just that when I see such gangs, I pine for my own. And I don’t know how to fix this. I have done almost everything it takes to be able to make friends but I dont seem to have any left.

Of course I do have people that I can lean on. And have leaned on when the going was tough. It still is. And I continue to lean. But I feel most of my friendship and interactions are transaction-based. More on this some other time.

This tweet by Ajeet Sir caught my eye and I realised that maybe lockdown has made me a tad more detached from people!

No, I dont know how to fix it.

Do I want to fix it? Yes! I would love to have people that care for me as an individual and not as a designation. I need people to empathize with what I am going thru and not just label me as someone that doesn’t return calls. I need to feel loved and not left out of conversations and not taken for granted.

And yes, these expectations are not unfounded. I believe in long-term thinking and reciprocity. I do all these for my people. And in exchange, I don’t expect them to go out of their way to accommodate me. Just a simple, respectful, non-judgemental conversation would do. But I hardly get even that.

And yet…

I think I should title this post ‘rant about unrequited love and friendship of a lonely 38-year old man’.

2/ The entire events industry runs on a very simple sub-contracting model. The end-user of service hires a professional. The professional contracts things to multiple partners, each a specialist into certain trade. The partners further sub-contract it to the service providers. These service providers then use temp staff to get things done. More often than not, the dreams of the client are fulfilled by people that they don’t even know exist. Imagine a mason making a five-star hotel and that very mason being denied entry into the hotel. Imagine a carpenter making the grandest facade for your wedding and he is stopped from even taking a picture of what he created.

From a dream that the client has conjured in their head to the execution that happens on the ground, there’s this well-defined food-chain. And at each step, the respect that that person gets and the money that person makes goes down. To give you perspective, if you are spending 10,000 bucks on an event, the guy who actually puts the flower on the wedding mandap gets paid 10 paisas. Paisa. Not Rupees. From a kitty of 10000 bucks. Of course, there are multiple layers, and the value added at each layer is immense but the guy at the bottom gets paid shit. And worse, gets treated like shit. That level of people are so degraded that they themselves stop believing that they deserve more. If not more, then respect.

The sad part is that the entire industry operates like that. Lower you are on the value chain, worse you are treated. Even by the ones that are just a notch above you.

When you do events and meet people who come from as far as Bihar and Assam and more to work on events in Goa and are paid minimum wages and are treated like shit, your heart goes out and you question things. Of course, you can question all you want to, the answers are non-existent.

3/ Oh, this was one of those rare events where I did not have Diet Coke or Red Bull or even Coffee. What am I becoming?

D. Now that I am talking of vices, lemme talk of alcohol. Yesterday, I saw yet again how alcohol fucks your capability to think. It, of course, makes you lose your inhibitions and makes you do things that un-do-s all that you have worked for. I mean imagine a full-grown man making a fool of himself, in the middle of a party, just because he is drunk!

What’s the point of such “losing inhibition” and “letting your hair down”? I have always struggled to find an answer to this question. To a point that I have sort of given up. I just know that making a fool out of myself, because I am drunk is not for me. I am happy to be a fool in the way I think, the way I operate, the way I work etc. Those foolhardy things allow me to go beyond what I am doing right now. They help me grow as a person. They polish me, you know.

But being unable to walk, puking all over yourself and then “blaming” it on alcohol is not my thing.

I know, I know. I am being super judgemental here. I mean it’s their life and they can do whatever they want to. I get that. I also get that some people may want to feel free. I know that most people do not operate in their natural state on a day-to-day basis and this casual alcoholism helps them find an escape. But then the escape has to be a thing that makes you better. You know, how about you hit a gym if you want to feel the change? Write something? If you want a communal experience, how about you go dance? Join a volunteering organization? I hope you get the drift.

Anyhow. So after the incident last night, I promise that I will not have alcohol ever again. Even if its a very very special occasion. I am trying to stay away from coffee and coke. I shall stick to lime water and coconut water and other such things. Just need to figure out what I would have at a Starbucks ;P

E. For the last couple of days, I rented a car to get around Goa. I had to. You cant manage an event and not have a car that doubles up as your shelter when you are tired, your dumping ground when you have to lug things, your companion where you pile your anguish out. And since this was one of the most unorganized events that I’ve been a part of, I was running around a lot. I would have spent a large part of the day in the car yesterday.

But then, that’s not the point.

The point is a car. I realized my love for cars and roads and navigating and driving and seeing new places. I have to have to have to get one. I have had this dream that the first car I buy would be a Merc. I know I am very far from that with what’s happening at work. But I will make things happen and get to a car this year. #note2self #lifeGoal.

F. Fitness. Lol. I start smiling every time I use this F word. I mean really. Fitness. Lol. I have this note that I wrote to myself in 2012 (almost 10 years ago) where I promised that I will be 30″ by end of that year. I am nowhere close. I want to climb Mt. Everest. And I have a hard time walking 12 steps.

Sigh.

Ok, by mistake I linked to this video from Men of Honor. I am going down that Rabbit Hole where I want to make movies and inspire others. Wait. One thing is clear. Each action I take has to leave others inspired. The realization that Silver lining 😀

Ok, that’s it for the day, I think. Good to have poured out.

Nothing on #book2. Will start soon.

270221 – Morning Pages

Ladies and gents, there is no morning pages today. Managing an event and thus no time to write in the morning. If I get time during the day, I will edit the post. I know this does not count as a morning page but I wanted to keep the streak going.

I really wanted to talk about rejection. I got two of those this week. Both from the world of filmmaking. So that.

That’s it. Nothing more. I know this doesn’t count as a morning pages post but for whatever it’s worth, this is it.

PS: Wrote this on the phone on 27th and published on 28th.

260221 – Morning Pages

I talk about two interesting things. 1, Goa and home. 2, optionality. Read on.

8:22. The balcony at Rajesh Sir’s house, Goa. Back here after 15 odd days.

A funny thing happened yesterday. When I came here after a month, for some reason, it felt like homecoming. I am not kidding. I am not the one to get attached to places etc but this time, the house felt like home. Maybe because I was here at a time when a lot was happening in my life and I did not know what to do. A lot is still happening but this place was my solace in the toughest time. I am so grateful that I have him in my life.

Moving on.

I need to take a big decision about what I want to do in life. I have a couple of options where I can exchange my time for money, make ends meet and get back to some sort of stability. While all these things sound great on paper, I know that in the long-run for a 38-year old like me, these things don’t add up. Plus, salary is addictive.

One of the things I am thinking about while making this decision is Naval’s riff on optionality. He operates in a way that allows him to maximize optionality. As a salaried person, the odds of you increasing optionality go down. Unless you are like Rajan Anandam where you, by design, need to interact with people from diverse backgrounds and those backgrounds help you do more.

When choosing things for myself, I need to work towards creating optionality. Now, what creates optionality? Well, things that allow you to do more than what your job entails. If you are a doctor, there are fairly limited things that you can do. I mean you can treat people and heal them and all that but that’s that. Unless you are an exception that can, may be, write. Of course, as a doctor, you’d have a good life but that’s that. If you are a coder, on the other hand, you can create a thing like Bitcoin that allows you to live a life independent of your practice. Similarly, if you are a senior executive with some pharma company, you are limited to doing what your JD entails. If the company were to shut down, where would you go? Of course, if you are paid a bomb, you can invest tiny parts into businesses that have the potential of growing into larger ones. That creates optionality. In fact, subconsciously, I have lived all my life in a way that I have an option open in terms of what I want to do.

So that.

What else. Yeah. Fitness. Last few days I have been feeling unwell. I don’t know whats causing this but I need to fix it. Maybe its the food. I think I need to get either a balanced meal from someplace. Or get a kitchen. Either way, I need to fix it. Want to add workouts but I dont think I will ever be able to. I know Everest will require me to be fit and all. But I think till I figure out other things, fitness will probably take a backseat.

Guess this is it for the day. This context switching is not for me. I don’t know how other digital nomads do this. Need to learn.

With this, over and out. See you guys on the other side. Now that I am back in Goa, hope things will move better. And no, no #book2. Will start that once I settle in.

PS: Funny how narratives on these morning posts have changed from meaning of life to survival. Guess that’s life!