The last few days have been maddening (and exciting). I have travelled to Dubai, Delhi and Bangalore. I have had multiple calls in a day (and I am not used to talking on the phone). I have had to douse multiple fires (including a few that I could have avoided if I had trained people well). I have had to think hard about how I want to run my business (continue to be a lifestyle business that gives me enough to live by myself in basic comfort or scale to a large services company where we make great money but then take great stress as well). No, I dont have an answer to this question. But I know that I have worked a lot. Probably the hardest I have ever had. And no, not hard work as in carrying a load on my back but putting my head to simple problems. And I will not lie, I am enjoying every bit of it!
I can complain that the problems am working on could be larger and grander. I know what am doing at 41, most people do at 25. I know I’ve been left behind in the race of life. I know I have to catch up on a lot of things. I know I have to run harder and faster to stay at the same place. I know age is not on my side. I am unfit like a sack of potatoes. I mean you get the drift. I can REALLY complain if I want to. But I think I am at a great place in life. I would have given an arm and a leg to be here when we were stuck indoors due to COVID-19.
So that.
Ok, coming to the point of this blog.
As an old man trying to do a million things, I get overwhelmed a lot and like most humans I often get the urge, need, want, wish, whatever to share how am feeling with someone. Someone who’d not judge me and understand me (at least try to). Someone who I can just go and rant to. I am super close to my team. More than I should be in a professional setting. I dont have boundaries. And that makes it tough to lean on them. My best friends are in full-time jobs with stable and fat salaries and thus they dont understand why I get jittery around the 20th about money. I dont want to trouble my parents. I dont trust people on the internet a lot. I dont have romantic partners.
And I really really really need to vent out at times. And this is when this blog comes in handy. I pour out whatever it is that’s clouding my head. Here’s a list of things at this hour – 23:57 PM, 27 Nov 2023.
A/ Health. I am back to being 92.6 kg. Last week I touched 91. I had controlled what I ate. But I lapsed over the weekend. I had to be 5 inches thinner by the end of the year. I have about 30 days and I dont think that’s happening. And I hate it.
B/ Compulsive Shopping. Last few days I have ordered randomthingson Amazon. Most of these were ordered while I was in that half-asleep, dazed state.
I need to stop this. Probably delete the credit card from Amazon. Probably stop scrolling those “ten things from Amazon you need in your house”.
C/ Chandni is finally in Mumbai. I am giving myself another year 6 months or so to build a unicorn out of DD / C4E. We are in a good place in terms of income. We are at a great place in terms of delivery. I am cutting all the fluff by Mar 2024, including letting go of people that dont perform (something I’ve never ever done and something that I will do with a heavy heart). If I dont make it in the next few months, I would never.
D/ Music by Rajesh Singh. I am tripping onto this dude called Rajesh Singh. He sings old Hindi music and I love him! See this one. See this tweet.
E/ Writing. I am loving that words are flowing easily as I type this. I love that whatever I’ve been thinking lately, I am able to pour it on paper and I can feel the hunch in the shoulders go away. I must write more often.
F/ May the flop be with you! I am on a great streak with the flops and rivers. I am FTing a lot of these timed tourneys on Poker Stars. It’s taking time but I am loving the grind.
G/ Payday I need to pay my people this week. I am getting jittery about the bank balance. Lol.
H/ Dubai Prito called me from Dubai yesterday morning. Love love love love it that he’s getting to do what he wants to. He is one of those super unreasonable, super-pushy people who decide what they want and then they get it.
Another such person I’ve come to know lately is Aastha. Even though she’s new in my ecosystem, I love how good she is! I wish I was half as good.
I am super-duper invested in the success of both of these people. And many many more.
I/ Growth and grandeur FWIW I’ve always chased grand things and plans. And I’ve remained tiny speck. No, I don’t want grandeur for myself to be able to buy a Rolls but I’d like that wealth to open doors and give me access to experiences that I don’t even know exist.
J/ Car I really really really crave a car. At this time, I want nothing but an empty-ish road, a decentish car, and a hotel at the end of the journey. I don’t think am buying a car in India ever but I would love to have access to one for sure.
K/ Manav Kaul, Filmfare For one of the short films I produced with Shikha, Manav Kaul has won the Filmfare award for the best actor. I had literally no role to play in the film except putting in the money but his award felt personal! Oh, and we’ve been at numerous festivals and won some awards but I think Filmfare is the only Indian award that I probably cared for. That seems to be within reach now as well! So that. I really really would like to scale this business of entertainment. I damned moved all the way to Andheri for this!
And no, while I want to be a part of the show business, I continue to remind myself of Pale Blue Dot. I’ll probably get it framed.
L/ Focus I have been thinking about focus. I’ve never been the kind to be able to focus and I don’t know if I should change it at this age. But then each time I see someone extol the virtues of focus, I get mindfucked. Like this tweet.
M/ The #in2024 Plan I have been thinking about it for a while now. And I have been delaying that. Multiple reasons. Each year I make such a large brouhaha about it and I miss most things by a mile. Been planning and missing for at least 10 years now.
So this time, I am thinking do I even want to do it? I mean I don’t get discouraged if I miss the plan. I don’t get excited if I get to some milestones. I am mostly stoic about things.
I’d love to plan – gives me a semblance of structure in my otherwise random life. But then I’d love to not plan as well – gives me an opportunity to fan more randomness and see if things go well. So, if I do, I will continue to use YearCompass. If I don’t, I won’t. Let’s see where my mood takes me over the next few days.
N/ A new frame for the house Now that I have decided that I will start to acquire things again, I got myself a piece of art frame. I love how it has come out. Whoever is lucky enough to get admission to my house gets to see.
Guess this is it for the time being. I had an ok (but tiring day). I had two tough meetings, but I sailed through. I have a fancy lunch to go to tomorrow. I am so not looking forward to it but I have to go! Work, sigh!
And as I end this, I really really want to acknowledge that whoever said that being an entrepreneur is the loneliest profession – HELL YEAH! It is. Especially if you are old and don’t drown yourself in alcohol or any substance abuse. You really have no one around. I am glad and grateful I have at least this blog to lean on. Most people don’t even have that. I can only imagine their misery and want of success.
Anyhow. This is it for the day. More later!
PS: In case you are in the same boat and want to talk to someone, am around
A short note about my recent (and not so recent) trip (s) to Delhi.
I am writing this from a plane – UK801. Unedited, unfettered text. Please excuse typos etc.
So, each time I make a trip to delhi, I feel I am cheating. I feel incomplete. I feel incredibly sad. There is no specific reason to be honest – delhi is after all home. I may live in Mumbai and I may want to be living out of India but at heart I am from Delhi and you can never take that out of me. I prefer “tu” when I talk. I use Hindi a lot. I slip into informal conversations even when I am supposed to be running serious business meetings. I dress like a vagabond – wait this is not a Delhi charcterestic – people in Delhi are very very well dressed. Anyhow. I am as Delhi-like as they come.
The point is, even though am coming home (this time, for Diwali) and other times as and when I get an opportunity, each trip to delhi feels incomplete. A compromise. Here are a few reasons why…
One. I have a few connections (people I went to MDI with, people I’ve become friends over the years, people that I want to be friends with and more) in Delhi and each time I am in Delhi, I want to meet them. But I am unable to. The time is limited. The distance too much. The willingness of others to meet me is limited. This is one of my rants that for some reason, I dont get enough attention or patronage from people that I would like to meet – maybe once I have some money and some success, I would be able to attract more people to choose me over whatever else they’d do on a weekend.
Two. While I am in Delhi, I am unable to work and to me the only thing that matters is my work. At home in Delhi, we dont have a place that I can sit and work out of – even though my parents make a lot of concessions for me. The nearest coffee shop is a McD and it opens at 11. The nearest Starbucks is a 45-min drive away. I can convert one of the rooms in my small house as a work-room but for what joy – I am hardly in Delhi and when I am there, I have trained myself to tell that I would not work anymore.
So, when I cheat my work or slack on it, I feel like I am cheating.
Three. As someone who grew up in Delhi, I may want to get sad about the very limited network I have here. I mean on instagram every one I know was at a 100 Diwali parties and here I was at home. Oh wait. Lemme catch my thoughts. I am sinking into what I’ve been warning all the kids against – looking at pretty lives of others on instagram and getting sad about my own life! So, this thought I will scratch – you know, thoughts, words, actions, reality.
Four. Oh there is this issue of Noida and Gurgaon. For the world these are parts of Delhi. For me these are adopted cousins that I would love to be friends with but haven’t been able to. For one, these places are very far from where I live in delhi. A trip to Gurgaon is about 100 KMs to and fro and with the traffic, it becomes a 4-5 hours affair. Do I want to invest that much time in meeting an adopted cousin? I dont know.
Five. Finally and most importantly, my parents.
My parents are old and I rarely meet them. And when I do, it’s on these rush-rush trips to Delhi. And since these are rushed trips, most interactions, conversations and everything else is very, well, rushed! Plus each time I see them, I can see a visible change in them – they are growing older, atrophying. Thankfuly they are very very independent. I am not sure they signed up for this independence – I have largely remained absent from their lives except for these cheat-trips to Delhi – but like most humans, they’ve learnt to survive with each other. Am I guilty about it? Yes! Am I sad about it? Yes. Can I do something about this? I dont know. I mean I can let go of all that I’ve wanted to in life and move back to live in with them. I won’t be happy if I did that. But they would probably be very very happy.
So this.
Each of these five things that I talked about, on paper and rationally, are solvable. However I am anything but rational. Each action of mine is guided by emotions, heart, whims. And there is no way these are getting fixed by a person like me. No, not blaming anyone or anything. I am merely reflecting on how these trips to Delhi feel like.
Oh, and this one will take me home. Delhi. Where my parents are.
I had always imagined that at heart I would always be a Delhi person but now that I am fairly comfortable in my Andheri West and Ghatkopar West life, I dont know what is home. It’s no longer Delhi. And it’s not Mumbai yet. Apart from my parents, the only family I’ve known is VG’s and even he doesn’t have a base per se – so I dont know what or where is home.
Wait. That’s not the point at this time. Moving on.
The other part of this is being written from a flight. Indigo’s 1908. To Del. And since I have nothing special to do on the flight, I’ve had the time to reflect on how I spent the last 7-10 days in one of the top tourist destinations – Dubai. And an epiphany happened. The way I’ve spent the last few days in Dubai is exactly how I’ve spent my entire life as a tourist (or a traveller).
Read on.
So, I was in Dubai for a week or so. And despite it being a haven for tourists and infinite offers for food, attractions, experiences and whatnot, I did exactly what I would do if I were in Mumbai. I was in the infinite loop of “home to a coffee shop to a client’s facility (office, warehouse, meeting room) to another coffee shop and then to the bed for the night”. I have lived in this loop since 2010 now and I think this is for the first time I am thinking and writing about it.
Lemme elaborate.
So this must be my 10th trip to Dubai since the beginning of time. And I have not gone dune-bashing except for a trip back in 2010. I have not been to the top of Burj. I dont know how Dubai Frame looks from the inside. I can’t remember when was the last time I went for a Desert Safari and saw a Belly Dance or a Tanura Dance. The Museum of Future looks gorgeous from the outside but I dont know what it is like inside. The old Dubai may be like, well, the old Dubai but I have no way of knowing – never been there. I am hoping the Dhow River cruise would be nice on most days. The Grand Mosque in Abu Dhabi must be a spectacle. The made-for-tourist things like Yas Island, Ferrari World, F1 tracks and all that must heighten your senses. I have never experienced those.
Similarly, on my maiden trip to Manila earlier this year, I would walk every day from home to a coffee shop, park myself there and do whatever on the laptop. The only time I left the 3 square kilometre area of BGC was to go to the airport and once to a weekend getaway that I was not keen on but VG was. And at that getaway, I sat under a canopy while I saw people frolicking in the water.
For each trip that I have made in the last few years, this would repeat. Hotel. Coffee Shop or the same restaurant. Hotel. Repeat.
The point is, I do NOT do touristy things. I do NOT go to must-visit places. I do NOT indulge in experiences that people travel to the end of the world for. I can’t understand all those people who travelled to Ahmedabad for the India-Pakistan cricket match. Some of my friends have booked a visit to an Ed Sheeran concert for the next year. People I know plan for Diwali parties like we used to schedule classes in school and college – each hour of the day is preallocated and optimised. Reminds me of the fervour participation of people around me at MAMI – people made Excel sheets and all that! For watching some films! I mean really!
Brings me to the point – why do I live? I mean if I am unable to…
a, enjoy these experiences,
or b, crave for finer things (lately I have decided that I will only buy things when I ABSOLUTELY need them and I would stop wanting all the luxury brands that I’ve wanted (things like Prada sunglasses, Birkenstock chappals, Apple Watches et al))
or c, have the wants to attend social dos
or d, have any wants that most of us have (gold, sex, legacy)
or e, mindlessly consume content on Netflixes of the world
or f, have any large personal ambitions for self,
or g, have any familial or social attachments
…why am I even alive?
One line of thinking is that I live to be able to become the conductor of opportunity for people that I know – you know, create opportunities for people that I work with – even at my cost. Remember that quote that I often use? Sai itna deejiye?
However, I am unable to answer what drives me. I mean, there’s no end to the opportunity that I can create for people. Today I enable a few people to make ends meet in a respectful, kind manner. Tomorrow, these few could become many. And then those many could become a lot. But it remains a goal without a tangible finish line!
The other line is that I am lost. In the chase of grandiose ambitions and God-like plans, I am lost. And so lost that I am ignoring the very fabric of what makes us human – interactions with others, participation in society, celebrating social constructs and engaging in primal things!
I may be. I may not be. But this is how I am and on a day-to-day basis, I think I am ok. If someone were to ask me about what keeps me up at night, my answer is, nothing! Most days I sleep ok. Some days I want crave for someone special next to me but with time I think I have trained myself to ignore that instinct as well. I couldn’t understand how a lot of Bengali men remained single even when they were old – today I think I can relate to it even though I am unable to put that in words.
Things that people worry about – future, retirement, money, work, health, relationships, I think I am very blessed to found a way to not let those things affect me. I mean I know I dont have any savings, I know that my health is not the best, I know that my parents need my attention, I know that at work, we at C4E could do better, I know I sometimes crave for another human. But overall. I think I am ok.
So, either, I am lost. As lost as a child in the topless bar. Or I have attained Nirvana. And this brings me to the third line of thinking.
The third is that I have somehow attained Nirvana!
I have no needs or wants (except the AC, iPhone, shorts (not pants) and personal space) and I live in the present. I dont think about the past at all and I dont care about the future at all. All I have is this moment and I live in this. Right now, I am in a cramped seat (7D – I always take aisle seats) and writing about the trip to Dubai. I love the idea that I can express myself in a lucid manner and I have some people that listen to me when I talk.
I bring the best of my ability and intention in each interaction. I try and create abundance for everyone. Making movement is an important driver for me. I can not sit idle. I am that man with an axe who’d not breathe till he’s chopped the entire forest down.
While working, at a point in time, I had these rules that I made about the kind of people that I wanted to work with and live with. I was very very very selective about who got access to my inner circle and I was ruthless about who I slowly ejected from it. But I think over time, it’s come to a point where I dont even care about those anymore. Whoever I interact with slots me in a stereotype as per their understanding. I do the same. And as long as a relationship is kind, polite, rational, and win-win, I am okay. The ones that dont play long-term games get filtered out and are best allowed to slip through the crevices of time.
So, that’s that.
Brings me to the next important point.
Why do I travel and what do I do when I do that?
Well, I don’t seek any experiences that tickle any senses (apart from massages, and hitting a runner-runner nuts on a poker table) and that means I could travel each day of the year or I could be cloistered in a city and I would be ok. Wait. This is important. If I am held captive and I am unable to step out of a room, I’ll die. I need to be able to breathe fresh air (hopefully cold), walk around, see other humans going about their lives and augment the dataset on which I’ve built my life. But I am okay to do so in a tiny block or in the world at large. Preferably in the world at large because it will offer me a larger data set and thus more experiences and more lessons.
Also, I like the idea of living like a local. I love to look at people and from a distance, see how they operate, learn, live and all that. I like to experience routine but in new places. I fondly remember the Baristas at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at BGC. I almost became friends with the Barista at the Starbucks at the Marina Promenade. I think about people at the Kabra Starbucks store even though I haven’t been there in more than 10 days and I won’t go back for another 10.
I can call this way of life “living local in a global village” and I think I would love to roam around communities across the world and immerse myself as a local there. In fact, I started this piece with a quip on home. May be I am one of those people that aren’t meant to have a home. May be the nature of my nature to have homes in all the communities that I get to live in?
Of course, I know the flaw in this – my life has largely been spent in privileged communities (MDI Campus, Nahar, Address, DN Nagar etc) and I may not enjoy this local living in a global village If I were to live in harsh places.
So, with the awareness of this privilege, I am grateful that I get to have many homes in many places in the world. I hope I can create more such homes for more such people like me that dont have homes. Maybe this is the purpose that I chase. Maybe this is why I am alive. Maybe.
I guess this is it. If you reached till the end of this piece, please do let me know what you think. Am I ok? Or do I need help :D?
PS: If this has been established that I would live on the road, out of a suitcase, I think I need to be more present in EACH thing I do. While I enjoy doing many things and multi-tasking, I think I will want to live each moment as fully as I can. So, henceforth, I will bring my 100% attention and intention to each task that I do. While I will want to optimise things (say listen to podcasts while I am in transit), for each human interaction, I will give my 100%. If you see me giving any less, do point it out. If you see me checking my phone while talking to someone, please point it out. If you see me replying to emails while running an online meeting, please point it out. If you see me eating and watching TV, please point out.
I write about my struggles with consistency. And I write about my ability to work with intensity.
Here’s a razor (I know what a razor is, thanks to a brilliant ebook by S – she has made it available for pay-what-you-like here) – As you know more, you know more about more things that you dont know anything about, let alone more.
Like a few nights ago, I was standing outside a hotel lobby waiting for an event setup to happen (ISTG I love this business of events and I wish I could do large format, large scale setups that need hundreds of people) and I realised (epiphany happened!) that I dont like to do things. And I have never liked it, ever since I was a child. More on this in subnote 1.
But then, I realised, I like to manage things. And managing things essentially means I need to manage the egos and fears and desires of the people whom I work with. And thankfully I am at a place in life where I dont have to “do” things no more. I can get by merely managing! And I think I am good when it comes to understanding people and all that. Let’s park this as A. We would come back to it.
The other thing that I’ve known for a while is that I am unable to do things that need a day-to-day grind and consistency. Things like writing every day (even though I wrote and published for 100-odd days straight while in lockdown), working out every day, running social media pages, staying on top of accounts and numbers (my father at the age of 68 can tell me outstanding balances of scores of suppliers that we work with at C4E and I have a hard time remembering how many people do I work with!) and other things that require consistent, daily grind.
I have really tried hard to maintain streaks and do things on a regular day-to-day basis, and yet, I have failed. I can blame it on my formative years at an events agency where most work was strictly on a project basis and once you were on a project, you could forget everything – you know marathons and sprints? And thus you didn’t have to work on things that needed daily rhythm / cadence. And after a project was over, you had so much downtime that I could write a damn book! Let’s call this B.
Now, if I club A and B (my inability to do things and my inability to do things on a day-to-day basis), I am staring at a very bleak future! I mean, the world nature rewards consistent work over long periods. Intensity gets you only so far. It’s consistent small efforts that compound into an avalanche of magnanimous results!
The funny thing is, I am aware of this. And yet I have not been able to stay consistent. I know I am getting old and health-wise it’s only downhill from here on and yet I don’t work out. I know that to grow my business and reach my ambition, I need to work on my personal brand and yet I refuse to create content every day. I know that I need to see my team do well and yet I am not consistent with my training.
In fact, I’ve gathered an entire folder of images that extol the virtues of consistency over intensity. And yet I am unable to move my ass on it. Here –
So yea. Despite the awareness that I need to over-index on consistency, I am unable to be consistent. Of course, I continue to be very good when it comes to being intensive about work and life and all that!
On consistency, I have tried everything – keeping trackers (that look like minefields with gaping holes in those), making large bets (that I’ve been losing since I was a child), taking help from accountability buddies (that have grown frustrated with me and have abandoned me), calendaring things (that I plainly skip) and what not.
And yet I haven’t been able to do this!
And there are some people that I know that are so good at showing up EVERYday that they are on 1000s of days of streaks of performing tasks. In this TED talk by Duolingo founder, I found that there are 3 million people that have a streak of more than 365 days!
3. MILLION. 365. Days.
Let that sink in.
EACH DAY of the year, some rain, shine, hail, storm, they have done their bit on Duolingo. An app.
WOW! And how!
So yeah that. My struggles with consistency.
Over and out.
PS: Subnote 1 While editing this piece, another epiphany happened. That on my personal brand, I was doing it all wrong – I was talking about marketing, writing, startups and all that. However, that is not who I am! I am a tinkerer, a mover of things, an experimenter, a trier and all that. I like to do things – often without agendas and thus I need to create / share content about these trials and all that (rather than marketing). More on this in a few days. Meanwhile, over and out
A collection of notes and thoughts about living in two very different houses in the same city. Read on.
I am one of those rare lucky ones who have access to two houses in Mumbai. One I rent (let’s call it A) and the other, I take care of for a friend (let’s call it B). While I spend most of my time around A, I often go back to B. This is a collection of notes and thoughts about living in these two houses in the same city.
Read on.
Lemme talk of A first. The one at DN Nagar
A is a 1BHK, on the 4th floor in a building that is older than my parents. The building is more precarious than a flaky croissant and if you look at it, you’d peg it to crumble down like those Digestive biscuits do when you bite into those. And since this is an old standalone building, there is no fancy razzmatazz, no security, needlessly nosy neighbours. Plus it’s bang on top of a busy road and the Metro line and thus noisy at all hours.
The good part is that the house was newly renovated and I am the first occupant. So, it’s super clean – the way I like it. The owners are nice people and they gave me flowers and paintings when I moved in. I’ve been here 3-4 months now and I have yet to hear them complain or interfere. One time there was some leakage and the owners were so apologetic that I felt bad!
The best part is the location. The metro station is 100 steps away (I have counted). Starbucks is 600 meters (and I still take a rick to get there). And all the other paraphernalia that you seek from a “location” (like a hospital, grocery stores, schools, gyms etc etc). A lot of people from the film fraternity are around and thus I can meet more people. So it’s nice.
To make the good and best better, I’ve done it the way I’ve wanted to. You know, minimal. In the bedroom, apart from an eclectic collection of almirahs that I inherited from the owner, I have just a mattress and a rented AC. In the hall, I have some assorted pieces of furniture (including a sewing machine!) that came with the house. So, it’s one of the emptiest houses (not the emptiest though – at Chilralekha, all I had was a mattress, almirah, writing table and nothing else) that I’ve lived in and I love it! And whatever little I have here, I am not emotionally attached to any of that and I am ok to discard or acquire as and when they come. So that.
I have built a nice pad for myself. Just that it’s not good or big or nice enough to host anyone. You know how people are ashamed of their poverty? That!
Coming to B. The one at Ghatkopar
This is as fancy as they come. The rent of this house is more than what I make in a month. The average car in this complex is a luxury sedan and people have a couple of spare cars for grocery shopping. The complex is nice and there are rules that are funny to me – you can’t get repairs done that would make noise (but they would play Garba songs are deafening volume late in the night), the domestic help “staff” can only use service elevator (but once they are in your house, they have unfettered access to even your kitchen and bedroom). And to top, there is three-layer security, neighbours are a mix of old money and nouveau riche, and things are as pretentious as they come in such a place.
There is no way I can afford to live here. I mean I have lived in this complex in the past but that was when the rents were manageable and I had predictable income. B, the house in question is a close friend’s. He lives abroad and he has entrusted me with his house as a caretaker. And to be honest, I do more than just take care – I live here, I host dinners here, I work from here and I get guests to chill and talk and all that. Something that I would never do at A. Each person who comes here says good things about the place. They are fascinated by the grandeur and space and how well it’s been done. The interiors are a sight to behold. The view from out of the house is full of nice things. See this, this and this.
The house is full of modern, top-of-the-line gadgets and they’re maintained by official servicing setups (read expensive) and all the cables and wires and plumbing and even dustbins are hidden from plain sight. You can mistake the place for a hotel room where all you see is nice things and all the ugliness is buried deep under multiple layers of shiny walnut panels, satin, thick carpets and white gloves.
There are good things only (apart from the obnoxious things I mentioned above). A shopping mall is across the road, the hospital is about 10 mins away (in Powai) and there is easy access to trains et al. Just that LBS Marg could get choked at office hours and for me, most days I can avoid that. So, all is well.
And I use it as my own house. And I am grateful that I have that!
The trouble is, I am unable to relate to people that live here. All of them are in a bubble, an echochamber that they refuse to get out of. They are in a cocoon (ironically, their clubhouse is called that :D) where they are blind to things happening in and around them. Conversations are tone-deaf and the privilege reeks through in each morsel of chatter that comes out of there. And which is fine, to be honest. I am like that at some level myself (this piece itself is tone-deaf and I have been a judgy bitch). But people here have their heads up their backsides to a point that it’s weird. I remember one of the people here once said that they should get a skywalk made to the mall so that they don’t have to cross the road. And if there was no Metro getting made across the road, they would’ve got it!
Ok, wait. The point is not people here or my inability to relate to conversations of fancy rich people.
The point is, yesterday, I came to B after more than a month and I have to say, I loved it!
The quiet luxury, the abundant personal space, the muted lights of the house, and the “service” of the staff were something that I could get used to! Just that I don’t have the money or resources to do so. Each time I am here, I want to keep coming back to this place (there’s a LOT of pseudo-niceness around) and I want to work harder to belong and create opportunities for myself and others so that my entire village can live here (if not at better places).
So that.
Chalo, over and out.
PS: After I published this, I realised that this reads like a rant and I know better than to publish such things. But then I had written and I didn’t want it to go waste
My thoughts and lessons from American Gangster. These are not in any order and are more reflections than lessons for myself and my team.
I saw American Gangster the other day. The film is on Amazon Prime Video in case someone is interested. Here are the ideas and lessons that I could take away from the film. These are not in any order and are more reflections than lessons for others. And no, this is not a review.
Oh, here’s the trailer…
So here are my lessons. These are not in any order.
A/ The loudest voice in the room is often the weakest.
This is very very common and oft-used. If you are in a conflict, the person that raises their volume first would often be the weakest one. And you can find a way to exploit the weakness.
Oh, please don’t mistake this for the loudest kid getting fed the first.
B/ In business, the basics are often the most important and yet the most ignored
These are trust, loyalty, long-term thinking, brand, honour, partnerships, conduct etc. While these are very very common words and are often thrown around in conversations, you rarely meet people that live by these.
With C4E, I want each person to follow these. Lemme write a line about each.
Trust. If you trust others, and others trust you, the cost and time needed to conduct business are reduced drastically. Even if you lose money, you shouldn’t stop trusting people.
Loyalty. Nothing worth building gets built if you don’t have a set of people loyal to you (or you are loyal to). And loyalty is used very very frivolously but at a deeper level, true loyalty, the kind you can die for, is very very rare. Even though I am not loyal to anyone or anything at that level, I am close. And that is enough!
Oh, and loyalty takes you far. Really far. In the film (and I have seen it in real life with numerous people), Frank had a meteoric rise because he was loyal to Bumpy for 17 years. Over the 17 years, Bumpy taught Frank things he knew and Frank would do things that Bumpy did. I can see this happening in my life as well. I am doing things that Suvi would do, Raj would do, Rajesh Sir would do.
Long-Term Thinking. I have spilt enough pixels on this one.
Partnerships. You need to know what you ought to work on and let the other person do what they are good at. There is no way you can do everything. For 39 years of my life, I thought I could do everything but I got nothing done. In the last two years, I have started to cede control and I have got done an insane amount of work!
Conduct. You may be rich, you may be poor. You may be privileged, you may not be. You may be smart, you may not be. But at no point does your conduct ought to be of an asshole’s. When you are about to lose your shit, it’s ok to take a deep breath. If someone on purpose does things that will fuck your head up, train yourself to not give a fuck. Operate from empathy. Be polite. If you are angry, either you will get killed or you will draw a wedge in between your relationship that will never ever heal.
C/ Your wealth should never be overtly visible.
Not that I am wealthy. Not that I have a lot going for me. But I know that I am now at a place where I am responsible for a tiny contribution to 10 homes. And that means I have this really heavy responsibility on my shoulders. And I need to ensure that I provide for those. And this means that I need to keep finding avenues of making money. And these would be created if the world sees me as a person they like and who can deliver. And often people are not really kind or ambivalent towards people who are flashy, overtly obnoxious, and all that. Plus, I am not the kind to anyway flaunt what I have. Yes, I like to eat at nice places (for service and not for the food), and travel in comfort (stay at star hotels and not motels) but none of that requires me to show off.
I will not hide it per se but I will not make overt claims about easy access and availability of money. And I definitely don’t need Chinchilla coats, Rolex watches, Birkenstock, Tumi, Ray Bans, Mercedes, Prada, et al (btw apart from the first two, I have wanted to buy EACH of the things listed here).
Oh from today on, I am dumping brands. Especially luxury or mass luxury. I will buy comfortable, long-lasting, value-for-money brands like Zudio, Decathlon, Ikea et al. The only exception would be computers and gadgets (these are the things that I use on a day-to-day basis to get things done and work). Actually, anything I need to spend on to make my work better, faster, more effective, easier etc etc, I will put in the money. But that’s that. And anything that I need for health (I recently bought a refrigerator, I will buy comfortable shoes, I will get a meal subscription etc).
So, the low profile may not be a bad idea. And yes, I know there are people that want fame and all that. Good for them. I hope they get it. But low profile it is for me!
D/ Brand
I don’t understand people who don’t understand the power of brands.
In one of the scenes, Frank says something like, I sell a product that’s twice as better than the competition and at half the price as the competition. And he has a distinct brand for the product he sells. At a point, he even gets into a tiff with one of the “distributors” when he fucks with Blue Magic.
If a gangster in America in the 70s could understand the power of the brand name, in the day and age we live in, we better do!
E/ Operating under the influence fucks you up!
One of the key reasons for Frank’s fall is the drug-induced actions of one of the flunkies. He makes a mistake that the cops capitalize on. And then all hell breaks loose. I am all for people needing intoxicants to “let loose” but it’s not for me. I am not much of a drinker anyway and starting today, I will quit whatever social consumption I engage in. Mgo-toto beverage from now on is Sparkling Water.
Oh, I am not trying to preach here. I would love to own a business that has alcohol, intoxicants, and parties at the core. But I would not engage in those. I would not partner with people that enjoy a drink or two. The ones that I am a partner with, I would try to get them to quit. And the ones I enter into new agreements with, I would ensure that they don’t give in.
The point is, like Frank believed, we don’t want to be swayed by the vices when we work.
Yeah, I am your regular uncle next door who likes to preach the importance of virtue. Sue me.
Guess this is it.
Of course, a lot of what they’ve shown in the film is fictionalized and things may not work like that in real life. But then it does not stop us from acquiring lessons. No?
So that!
If you’ve seen the film, lemme know what you think of it. What do you think are the lessons that you may share with people that work?
If you don’t know about this sale you are probably living under a rock. I have been thinking bout getting a second screen for my work (to be able to work faster etc). I bought one. This means that I would have a place where I’d work from which is not a Starbucks. I am not sure how much I’d use it but let’s see if it helps me in my productivity.
B/ Space and Spaced out
I have a couple of friends living with me and I am not liking it at all. And these are friends that I care for and I want to be with. These are the friends who helped me when I needed help when no one else offered help. These are the ones who chose to put my interest ahead of theirs when we were trapped indoors during COVID-19.
Plus, I’ve had people live with me all my life but for a change, this time it’s different. Probably because this house is way too small? too uncomfortable? too claustrophobic? I don’t know.
Plus, I did not know that I was so used to being by myself that I would not like the idea of sharing space with others. I need to work on this!
C/ Events
On Saturday, I managed an event and I realized that I like when I am in control of things. This is not new. Most people are like that. Just that when you run an event, you control what people in the audience experience. It is en masse. I wish I could do more of this.
The thing is, events as a business is back, and all venues, suppliers, and even clients are packed. I could be a player in the competitive business but I think I am done with it. The hard work needed to pull off large format events – I don’t think I am keen on it anymore. I mean it’s the kind of work that will teach you a lot about life and getting things done. I’ve done enough of it and at 41 and change, I don’t want to keep learning. I want to now do. Implement. Make that fucking dent.
D/ Wanting to belong
I think all my life, one of the most important driving forces and motivations has been the need to belong. To sports teams. To college committees. To airport lounges. To business class seats. To exclusive clubs. To clubs and associations. And I don’t know why. Not that what I have is any less. Not that the access I have is limited. But I still want more. No, this is not power. This is not vanity. I actually don’t know what this is. But I want to belong. In fact, I want it so bad that if you want to fuck my mood, tell me that I am not invited. And I would sulk over it for days!
E/ Head Massage
One of my rituals every 2-3 weeks is to get my head shaved, get my beard trimmed, and end the visit to the barber with a head massage. The beard trim is the part I hate the most. Not one barber gets the trim right. Even today Sonu (that was today’s man) fucked it up. The best part was the massage. Sonu did an average job at it but I loved it.
I need to find myself a good masseuse. And I need to use their services often. Will action this in the coming week. Oh, the next few days are full of travel (trips to Pune and Indore. And if all goes ok, to Dubai). If you are around these places, let’s catch up :).
F/ Aaron Levie
After a break of a few days, I went back to the YC SS at Stanford. Today I heard Aaron Levie talk about enterprise. See this.
While I did not comprehend a lot of what he said I don’t know why a business like Box continues to exist despite Google Drive and MS Office. That’s not the point anyway. The point is, I loved his energy. And I realize I am probably like him. I need to just find a way to be a lot more out there and find more people who would want to listen to me. And that means I need to do more work and become valuable enough for people to want to listen to me!
So that!
Ok, this is for the time being. I don’t know what else to write. Guess this is it for the time being. Over and out.
Thinking-out-loud about how I spent the last 15 days, what it taught me about myself and what I could do from here on.
I was on a break of sorts (more on this “break”) in a bit for about 15 days in Sep. I was in Manila with M&m and here are my thoughts and reflections from the trip.
A/ I plan large and do less.
When I was going to Manila, I told myself that in the 15 days, I am there, I would learn swimming, do 10000 steps every day, do OMAD, try to do yoga, learn webflow, finish startup school lectures, write (book / blog / script).
These were simple things, to be honest, considering I had nothing else to do.
And out of these few things, I did ZERO!
Even though I made a tracker and tried to hold myself accountable, I could not. Here’s a screenshot from the tracker…
Heck, I did not even follow the tracker!
I need to fix this and I dont know how to. Thing is, if someone asked me to stop doing something, I could easy. I recently came off a 4-month break from coffee. I haven’t had coke in over 4 months. I can easily do OMAD. But I can’t seem to start doing new things.
Any one knows any secrets? That can help me get more willpower? Or help me not suck at being consistent? Should I get myself an accountability coach?
B/ I suck at consistency.
I realise I suck at being consistent.
I am more like a sprinter who can work in high-energy spurts and do incredible things. But I can’t do marathons, even if I am to move just a few inches everyday. I even wrote about it while I was in Manila.
I would’ve been fine if I had an infinite life. But I don’t. And everything in life is a result of consistent effort over a long time. You know, compounding. The 8th wonder of the world. Work, relationships, wealth, health, reputation, impact, opportunities – every damn thing needs time and they only grow if you are consistent.
While I have remained consistent and have grown on my personal values, I think I have a tough time staying consistent with things. If I have to do more with my life, I need to be uber-consistent. And I don’t know how to go about it
C/ Home.
V’s home is probably the only place apart from my parents where I feel at home. Apart from his, I am not at comfort at all even at the homes of other people that I can die for (SG19Jan etc.).
While I was there, I was part of the daily humdrum of the life of a happy, closely-knit family. Even though I am not a part of their family and not related by blood, the 5 of them accepted me like their own. Not for a minute I felt like an intruder or a stranger. And if you know me, this is a rarity – not because people make you feel like an outsider but I need a lot of time before I get used to surroundings and people. And I have this incredibly BIG need for my personal space. Leave alone my bed, I can’t stand someone living in the same house as me. For a few months, I had a domestic help living in with me and each cell my body revolted at the thought (not because he was domestic help, the revolt would’ve been if it were even my significant other – I know I am broken).
Ok, I am rambling. This is not the point. It’s accepted that V’s home is mine.
The point is, when I was coming back (in the flight), I did not know that I would crave for a home like his. I have been a nomad for a long time now and I never imagined that I’d like to “settle down” and get used to a familial bliss.
No, I am not saying that I want a family and a home but I was craving. I am merely capturing this feeling.
So that.
The other thing within this home variable is the India and non-India conundrum. For me, India has been home (and within India, I have lived in a few cities) and lately, I have been thinking about getting out of India.
Yes, yes, YES, YYEESS I know that it’s India’s century and there’s immense growth and all that here. I know that reverse brain drain is real and people are moving back to India. I know we are growing as a nation. And yet I know that I don’t want to be here in the near future. I may come back to die here but I am very sure that I don’t want to be here in the near future. This I have no doubt on. Even if my business, connections, ideas, and even the family is here.
I dont have a rational reason to get out of here. Like all humans, I have a rationalising creature and I can give a 1000 rationalising reasons why I want to be out of here. And none of them will make sense, now that the decision is made in my head.
So, I have been thinking about where I could go. I would have said the US at the drop of a hat a few years ago. Now, Dubai or Singapore look like better options. Even Bangkok.
Of course I am assuming I’d be able to move to these places. I am definitely not getting a naukri at these places – I am unemployable. I will have to create something and going by my track record, I think it will be tough. But then, if life doesnt throw tough challenges at you and you are unable to take those head on, why are you even alive! So, more than anything else, this is a problem to be solved and I need to put my head together to find a way (you know, either I will find a way or make one). And I shall. Just need to find time to do so. Lol!
Thankfully, apart from this being a rational problem staring me in the face, the good part is that I don’t have a home per se (apart from my parents and now, Vs) that holds me back. Plus I am not sure if I want to build one (I do want to buy houses and all that but I don’t want a home). In fact, instead of a home, I’d love to build a few versions of a Village or a Base across the world. So essentially, I’d have a “home” even when I am on the road and travelling. So that.
So, one of the things that I need to tackle over the next few days is to figure out where I’d spend a lot of my time in the near future. And of course, there are more life decisions to be taken. Lemme talk about those.
D/ Life Decisions.
Now that I have reached an uncle stage (40+), I want to make a few large decisions. The kind of people I hang out with, the kind of people I partner with, the kind of things I work on, the kinds of goals I chase, the kind of things I tolerate. And so on and so forth.
And if this means I need to cut some ties, I will. If this means I need to take a few harsh calls, I will. Even if it hurts. I often remind myself of Prof Jordan Peterson’s sermon on going thru pain of seeing your loved ones suffer. In my case, the loved one are people (more on echochamber) and inanimate objects (businesses, ideas etc).
I’d take each decision from the lens of reaching my goals and fulfilling my ambitions.
The biggest variable will be how I get to spend my time. Do I feel engaged? Do I feel respected? Am I doing something meaningful? Am I doing new things? Am I getting closer to my life goals? Am I making the world a better place, even if in an insignificant manner?
While most of these are intangible, you often can spot patterns. Case in point? I recently completed a year of self-reviews for C4E. I was reading some of the older posts and I realised that while we as a team have remained the same (still on the edge, still a bad month away from ruin, still scrounging around to make ends meet), the kind of challenges we are working on have become larger! So, there’s growth.
Growth! That’s a variable I need for sure. I want to take on larger challenges and not do the same thing over and over again.
Another variable would be people. Am I with the ones that are genuinely invested in my success? Am I spending time with people that I want to help go beyond? Can we create things together? Can we live together? At a village / base!
Oh, a large variable would be the ability to move around and travel. I mean at Manila, I loved being in a new place, in a new bubble, amidst a new place. I LOVED being on the road. I loved the unpredictability that I had to wade through. I hated (and loved) that there’s no easy wifi there. I was so immersed that I hardly clicked any pics (here are some that I did click).
Living as a local for a few days at Manila, I was reminded of the times when Kila and I would stroll around aimlessly in some random gully in a random city in a random country. And while we did not have the money to buy things or chase experiences or pay for admission or eat the fancy things on display, we did soak in as much as we could and made plans of taking over the world. Oh, our naivety! And come to think of it, we dont even talk to each other these days. Wait, I am digressing again.
So at Manila, like most of my trips abroad (and at new places), I did not go to even one touristy place, even though there are quite a few around. Please don’t ask me why and please do not ask me for recommendations – I was on a trip to discover myself and reflect on things.
One of the most important epiphanies was that as I grow older and the time I am left with is shorter, I want to get back to a life where I am on the road all the time. To be honest, in the absence of a home or any tethers, at this point, the only thing stopping me from doing that is a freelance gig with a social media agency in Mumbai (where I need to show in person often). All other clients, work can be managed remotely (apart from meeting people). At this point, I can’t quit that (cos money) but now that I have decided that I will cut a few businesses (see the photo below; found it on insta), I will hopefully be able to in near future. Let’s see when.
Oh, I am hoping to start a couple of additional things (an ad-film production thing and something with C and AK) that may keep me anchored to Mumbai. But I will ensure that I retain my freedom to be on the road. Or the freedom to take a flight at a whim.
Brings me to the next point. The fear of flying.
E/ Fear of flying.
I would have taken 500 flights in my life. If not a thousand.
No, I am not exaggerating. This year alone, I have taken 23 flights and if I were to assume that I take 30 on average in a year, simple math puts the number at 450 (I took my first flight in 2005 or so (DEL to BLR) and there were years when I took about 80 flights!).
And apart from a few bumpy ones where I was scared to death, most have been very eventless.
However, lately, each time I take a plane, I am scared. Not of the bumps. Not of the cramped seats where I’d be confined for hours. But of all that I have at stake. In case I dont make it on the other side, I would leave so so so many windows open.
At 41, the best part of my life is just getting started. I have started to pay back my loan. I have a fabulous team that I love and I want to take care of and taken care of by. There’s some meaning in the work that we do. I have started to get access to larger and grander things and I seem to have reached the first steps of a ladder to sky and what I’ve worked for all my life (impact at scale) seems to be reachable (I am still decades away from this but I now know this will happen!). So, things like planes, heath, fate, randomness and vagaries of life are, well, unpredictable and thus the fear.
I don’t know a solution to this.
Planes are necessary evils, especially for someone like me who HAS to travel at each opportunity. I shall shrug and get on with it! And this month alone I will take at least 3 more flights (if not 5) – all for work. Just that with these domestic flights, I’d get bored. On the flights to Manila, I saw like three films. Lemme talk about those as the next part.
F/ Films.
Even though I want to play a large role in the films business, I have trained myself to not follow popular content on streaming platforms. I rarely see a film. And I feel I’d rather create than consume. I know, you’d say how can you create without knowing. That’s a different debate for a different day.
Today I want to talk about the three films I saw on the long flight back home.
ONE/ Surrounded (2023).
Before I talk about this film, I want to put on record that I will be surprised if this film does not win a lot of awards. Actually, it may not. I don’t understand this business even though I want to be a player in it.
This film is EXACTLY the kind of film that I’d like to make. Exactly the kind of story I would have liked to write. An underdog. Facing adversity. Despite all odds, trusting her instincts at each fork.
I am not the understand the direction or acting but I was riveted to the screen the whole time the film played. Do see it, if you get an opportunity.
TWO/ Covenant (2023).
The best of this film was non-stop, mindless action. And just when you think the film is over, it starts a new arc! Loved the writing. Loved the pace. Loved everything. In fact, I took home a couple of things from it.
a, there is this dialogue that goes something like, “you seem like a guy that pays his debts.”
I want to be the person that pays his debts. And I want to be around people that pay their debts. This will become a very important metric in life.
b, Ahmed. I can write a book about him but I will spare the torture. I want to be an Ahmed to people. I think I am to quite a few. And I need an Ahmed in life. I have Paras that comes close. Probably. I may have a C. A KP. But I don’t think I have an Ahmed. And I need one.
What’s an Ahmed, you may ask me. Well, go watch the film.
THREE/ No Sudden Move (2021)
This one was a very very interesting story. Till the film ended I was left guessing what was even happening! It all looked like a random pulp-fiction-esque narrative (I could be wrong here – you know my relationship with cinema!)
So yea. All three were good. I can recommend all three. If you asked me to pick one, I can’t pick one. Go figure.
G/ M.
I typically dont talk about her in public places and if I do, never in detail. Today I will. At least try to. So while I was with her, I realised that she’s no longer a lump of pink flesh. She’s a human, growing fast and as a pre-teen she has her quirks and whims and likes and all that. And as a part-time parent from far to her, I realise that I am so unequipped to handle. I dont know how V and S manage two smart kids.
As she’s growing, she is finding new things to occupy herself. Her world is expanding fast beyond the pink room full of books and soft toys and all that. I sort of caught her picking hats and sunglasses and accessories at high-street fashion stores. She wrote an essay on why you can’t have monkeys as pets and it had the story arc and all that! She likes to use the iPhone to click photos and she’s damn good at it for her age. Here’s a few unfiltered, unedited pics that she clicked.
She’s growing as a human and I dont think I am ready for a world where she will operate like a mini-adult. She’s the most precious thing to me and while I have been trying very very very hard to make this world a better place, I am scared.
Okay, this is too much revealing. Moving on.
H/ Heat / AC / Etc.
Manila was HOT. Not warm. But HOT. Like RED HOT. And I can’t function when it’s hot. And I realised that while I was in Manila. So, I need to be at a place where AC is an acceptable tool!
Funnily, when I came back to India, the house that I live in, the ACs were not working. And I was like, I ran away from Manila cos of the garmi and here I am, at home, no ACs!
So that. Nothing more.
And I think this is it for the time being. The post is now 3000 words and the length of this post will make AK jealous, my job here is done. Took me three days to write but I am glad how it has come out.
Over and out.
PS: No, I did not talk about Manila at all. Of course, I spent 15 days and I had a lot of fun (and I suffered through a lot of garmi as well) but I can NOT talk about touristy, leisurely things that people do! In case you are looking for things to do there, PLEASE run a search
Today’s one of those days that I haven’t had in a long time. And I shouldn’t be. I mean I am in a different country, on a leisure trip, visiting a friend (and his daughter, aka heir to my assets), sitting at a comfortable cafe, sipping onto a 300 Peso iced-tea (terrible TBH), away from all the rigmarole of life in Mumbai. And yet I have had a terrible terrible day. There’s nothing that has changed from yesterday. I woke up without an alarm. I had a healthy-ish breakfast of dry fruits, an apple, and some more fruits. I walked to the cafe that I work out of. Saw Lecture 9. Got a few things done. Went back home. Ate home-cooked delicious food. Slept after that. Back at the cafe. So, in theory, all’s ok.
Maybe it’s the aftermath of old age. I turned 41 and I don’t think I’ve done even 4 things to justify my existence. Maybe it’s my general need to be by myself (while I have taken enough time for myself on this trip, I had planned for 100% seclusion and I was unable to). Maybe it’s my ability to do things that I had wanted to do on this “break” – eat better, swim, walk, write, learn, etc.
Whatever. I am not feeling it today. And I dont know how to fix it. If I were in Mumbai, I would have ordered some random food – dal, Maggi, samosa-pao, or whatever and then would’ve slept while seeing FIR or Taarak Mehta. I know none of these is healthy for me but I would’ve. I can still do all these but remember, I am trying to be better?
So that.
Anyhow. Lemme write some random updates. In no order.
1/ AGI is here and I am still trying to make ends meet. I think this could be the root of all my problems. That I don’t have access to great things happening in the world around me. I am merely sitting by the side of the road while the world solves engineering, intellectual, scientific, philosophical, and all such problems.
2/ A new challenge. I will start it on Oct 1. I will work towards doing 100 push-ups per day. I will start on Oct 1. I will do as many push-ups as I can. And then each day I will do one more push-up than the previous day. Some days I will not be able to add that last straw on the camel’s back. And that’s ok. But I will add one more push-up. Till I reach a point when I can do 100 push-ups. This would easily take me more than 100 days but I shall try.
3/ I’ve been tripping onto this song since I first heard it. I would’ve heard this a hundred times already, if not more.
4/ I have been away from social media and it’s not bad. I mean I’ve been checking Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn but I have not engaged with anyone or seen what people tag me for. I am merely using that to distract myself.
And I think I can continue to be that. Just that I need it for work. So maybe I will make new accounts where I only talk shop and delete all personal ones? Or do people want authenticity? I am not sure. Let’s see where the vibes would take me.
Ok, what else to write? Not sure. I can pick this up tomorrow morning and write again. But I don’t want to wait till tomorrow to publish. Maybe I’ll write a continuation post to this post tomorrow if I am up to it.
Whatever it is. Time shall tell. For the time being, time to shut this and go to sleep. Over and out.
Truth be told, I am very very particular about how I spend my time. With less and less time available to me here, I would become even more particular about how I spend my time. If I can, I would outsource, delegate, or defer things that I think do not deserve my time.
I would spend most of my time with people who love me (parents, M&m, friends, etc.), people who helped me when I needed help (way too many to list here), people who I work with (in my case a lot of people I work with are the people that love me and vice versa). In that order.
And then if there’s time left, I would think of other things.
2/ Make fitness my #2 priority after time.
This has been a goal since I can remember. And I have failed at it consistently. I recently weighed myself. I am 93 KGs (even though I am 35 inches around my waist). I think my body is dense (which is a good thing) but I need to find a way to get healthier. I do not want to wither away. I do not want to be a vegetable. I definitely do not want to be a burden. So that.
I know I have been gloriously lazy about this. I know I can’t work out (hernia and ankles and extended tailbone and all that) but I can definitely do yoga. I need to find some classes. I don’t think I have the motivation to do it at home with a remote teacher. Now that I “live” in Andheri West, I am sure I can find something that I can walk to. And since I can choose how I spend my time (see #1), I should be able to get that going. This is to happen from 2nd Oct (once am back in India). And then once I get regular at it, I will try to learn swimming (will have to quit Yoga to move to a place that has a pool (Wadhwa)).
While I do this, I will fix my food. I don’t have an option to cook but I know I can spend money to find a way to eat better. Oh, and 8 hour sleep.
3/ Become high-agency.
This one is simple. This thread explains what’s high-agency. Do read this. I read this often. I read it again while writing this piece.
1/ HIGH AGENCY
Once you SEE it – you can never UNSEE it.
Arguedbly the most important personality trait you can foster.
I've thought about this concept every week for the last two years since I heard @EricRWeinstein discuss it on @tferriss' podcast.
I would go higher, and become even more high-agency. Till the time I am the man on a mission and trying to close as many things as I can.
3.1/ I will become a closer. I realize that I am not one. I am at best a thrower of multiple darts, hoping one would hit the bull’s eye. I would create a deliberate life. For myself and the ones around me.
4/ I will travel as much as I can.
I have come to realize that I miss travel. I would thus not leave any opportunity to hop onto a plane, a train, or a car.
No bus. Lol.
5/ I will identify a thing that could become my life’s mission.
At this point in time, SoG looks like it.
I will spend a large chunk of time on making it substantial and larger than me or any one individual. Read this and this. I am sure I’ve written more about this in more places as well. Will compile those.
6/ I will close all windows before I sleep. Each day.
See this for context. This means I will return all phone calls, overcommunicate, and close loops on each open thing. I would also endeavor to respond to emails within 24 hours. If not action, I will make the other side aware of the action. The world runs on tacit agreements, assumptions, social norms, and expected conduct from people at large. I would become the torchbearer of great behavior when it comes to being prompt.
I have been fiddling with a guitar and a uke for a while. I have been tinkering with Webflow for the last few days. While I worked on webflow, I realised that I am my joyous best when I am learning new things. Webflow is the right thing for someone like me – not very tough, not very easy, doesnt require any foundational knowledge to build on top of, its simple HTML and CSS on steriods (something that I am aware of already). So that.
So, yeah! That’s about it. Over and out. Time to get serious about time.
Gratitude, SG
PS: I wanted this list to have 41 bullet points. You know, 41 for 41. Just like I made 40 things for the 40s. But then I couldn’t think of more. If you know me and you think you want to help me become better, please do recommend more things that I could do with whatever time I have left here. And no, I have not forgotten those 40 things that I need to do in the next 9 years.
PPS: Of course, I have come to accept that I may not be as big a deal as I had imagined I would be when I was a child. And I know that I would probably never be like Steve or Paul or any of those people (see this TED talk). But I know that I can be like a Drona. I wrote about this this week only. Maybe I need to take one more shot before I hang my boots?
PPPS: I just uploaded my will. Do make one for yourself. It’s a very sobering and humbling exercise!
