Streaks Archives

140521 – Meditations

A talk with self on what I ought to be doing over the next few days.

6:10
I woke up with a bit of stomachache. I think it’s all the food from outside that I am eating. So here’s a pledge. I will not eat anything that’s not been cooked for me specifically. And if I am forced to eat something else, I will have fruits or raw veggies than cooked food. And today, I will attempt a 48-hour fast. The ambition is to do a 7-day fast but I know I may not be able to. So, will start with a 2-day one. I’ll also try NOBNOM from today on. I mean I anyway don’t consume a lot of alcohol. And I will refrain from coffee. I often walk to a Starbucks (or a Blue Tokai) and get myself coffee as a reward. I may still do it. Walk around. But rather than the Starbucks as a destination, I will try for a park or a beach or something. And in case I feel the need to reward myself, I will get an iced tea.

Thing is, I don’t like when I am unwell. I like the idea of being active. I like the idea of moving around physically. I remember as a kid, in school, I would run along the corridor even if I had the time to walk. I would hang around from the pillars around the school even if there was not a need. I loved the idea of chasing balls on big grounds. I think in each thing I did, the larger agenda has been a goal that I was gunning for. And that has stayed. I am such a goal, task, external validation, tick-box chasing whore that I can’t just do things that have no measurable, competitive output.

I thnk I need to use this as a thing to inspire me!

Anyhow.

So, I removed Twitter and Instagram from the phone. I was wasting too much time on those tools. While it was good to connect with people and learn and even offer some help, I think it starting affecting how I felt about life and the world in general. So, have removed. I will still access them via a browser – these are the places that I literally connect with people. If not for these strangers luring on these social networks. I would be very very ineffective.

Not sure what else to write. Way too much in my head. So much that I dont know what to write.

Wait. Streaks.

So, on a day-to-day basis, I track some 11 things. For most of those, apart from this post, the number remains 0. I mean I don’t do those things. I was thinking do I remove these. I mean what’s the point of putting all these zeros when I don’t do. But then, a thought popped up in my head. Why not continue. At least I spend a tiny second on each line and that in itself is a reminder that I need to do that thing. No?

Yeah! Makes sense.

So, here’s streaks and some commentary…

Morning Pages / Meditations – 152
#aPicADay – 0. I am not sure if I want to start. While it allowed me to look at things from a different lens, since I have been holed into a tiny space, not sure what I’d do with it.
10K steps a day – 0. I have literally stopped walking around. Need to re-start. Along with fast, I think this is what could help me feel better.
OMAD – 0. Let’s see if I manage a 2-day fast. I may actually get a tick on this one.
#noCoffee – 0. Will start again from today. I mean I did not have one yesterday, come to think of it!
#noCoke – 64. Super proud. More than 2 months now!
10 mins of meditation – 0. Will start again today. My first work call is at 9. If I manage things faster, I will do this.
#book2 – 0. Lol. I don’t think I have this in me. Will probably delete.
Killer Boogie – 0. Again, don’t think I am doing this. Will probably delete.
Original Work (limited time only) – 0. The deadline for this is 17th May. So, this will be gone in a few days.
Surya Namaskar – 0. Again, need to get started. Today may not be a good day but will start soon.

So yeah that. I think I am subconsciously trying to reset life. You know, discard things, relationships, habits, and all that. Oh, that reminds me, I need to discard things that I don’t use or need. Will make an inventory and put them out for sale and donate the proceeds to some gurudwara. I anyway had little attachment to material things, when I lost data on the phone, whatever emotions I had left with digital data – notes, photos, emails, contacts, things that I had parked to be used in the future, all of it is gone!

Need to live a far lighter and simpler and minimal life. Need to step in that direction. Let’s see where I head. Will keep posting here.

Over and out!

100321 – Morning Pages

Personal-ish update about a couple of people that are important to me and are on two extremes. And other inane riffs.

7:33. Andheri. Woke up groggy. I don’t know why I am tired. Maybe it’s the exhaustion from all the work. Or from the stress. I can’t figure it out. But whatever it is, there is no cloud per se on my head, except the bodily exhaustion. So I think I am ok.

Wait. Maybe it’s because someone close, someone I care about is struggling with depression and I am unable to help. Every trick in my bag seems to have failed. Of course, professional help is being sought and I am sure things will be ok soon but I feel so helpless that I don’t know what to do. These are the times when I wish I had a magic potion that would just make the pain go away at the snap of a finger.

So that.

Coming to how I spent yesterday. Went and met AR and it was amazing to see the progress he’s made with his work. When I first met him, he was a two-person hack-shop that could do anything and manage everything. Now he’s got a team of 12 people that he can’t seem to fit in one office and is growing on a daily basis. And, he does good work! Really. Funny, on one side I have someone struggling to even eat right. And on the other, I have another that’s growing on a daily basis. Life is funny. I just hope I can keep my head sane. I thought I was the anchor for everyone that I am close to. But I now realize that I am anything but that. In neither case – when they’re not doing good they don’t come to cry with me; when they’re doing great, they don’t come to celebrate with me.

I hope the point am trying to make is clear. I am not cribbing that people don’t want me around in their lives. The point is, I am unable to contribute, help

So in terms of good things, I managed OMAD yet another day. And I managed more than 10K steps for yet another day. So, yay!

I just need to keep going. I am reminded of that thing about streaks (I think it was popularised by Seinfeld) where all you do is ensure that you don’t break the streak. Maybe starting today, I will add that to the morning pages As of today, here is where I stand on things that I want to track…

Morning Pages – XX (will count at some later date)
#aPicADay – XX (will count at some later date). See altsaurabh
10K steps a day – 1
OMAD – 1
#noCoffee – 1 (even though I haven’t had in a while)
#noCoke -1 (even though I haven’t had in a while)
#book2 – 0 (I need to start on this!)

I am resetting the counter on Coke / Coffee, even though I havent had for a while.

So that. Oh, the track of the day is Billy Joel and his magic with Piano Man.

More than the music, singing, and performance (in this video’s case), I think the lyrics of the song is what makes it immortal. There’s so so so deep and such a clear articulation of the human condition that I can’t find anything else that comes close. It talks of things that people do, think, fake, dream, imagine, and more. It talks to me about people and their real, hidden lives that they are afraid to bring out. It talks about people on the sidelines (like the Piano Man) that are silent observers that can see through the BS that we make up in our heads.

The track to me is an inspiration. That I don’t want to become any of those people in the bar where the Piano Man is playing. That I want to be able to write as well as that. That I want one of my pieces to go out in the world and create a lot more impact. When I heard this for the first time, I thought I can kill myself if I could write and release a piece like that. In fact, I have a lot of similar tracks that I am so inspired by that I want to create and then hang my boots.

So that! Phew! That was fun to belt out.

***

So I think this is it for the day. I am supposed to wear pants today. And tomorrow for that matter. Hope I can survive the heat and muck in Mumbai. Will report tomorrow.

Over and out.

Coming of Age

Back after 2 days. I read somewhere that when you are trying to build a habit, it’s cool to miss things for a day once in a while. The odds of you coming back are about 70%. If you however miss what you are doing two days in a row, the odds of you picking it up again drops down to low double digits. And if you miss three days in a row, the odds are less than 5% that you would pick the habit again. So, here I am. Not missing the third day.

When I say “Coming of Age”, I do not mean Bildungsroman (the German word that doesn’t really have an equivalent in other languages, but is applied to a young adult and means something like growing up). The word merits an entire book to be honest. May be at some other time. Today I want to talk about some other coming of age.

The coming of old age.

A rant about how age is creeping up on me and rendering me useless to function in the society that I need to be young and fast to operate in.

Once upon a time…

I remember there was a time when I could pull all-nighters for like 3 ~~days~~ nights on the trot. Without any fancy coffee, tea. May be I’d have a Red Bull but I don’t think I had the money those days to buy Red Bull. That’s not the point. The point is that I could stay awake for more than 3 days and yet no bat an eyelid. And function at more than my optimal. I was like Popeye with Spinach running through his veins, a car on Nitro boost, Bradley Cooper on NZT-48 in Limitless.

To a point that people would ask me if I was ODing and abusing substances.

However…

With time, I have seen this ability to stay up gradually diminish.

From uncountable streaks of these three-day don’t-sleep and crank-out-things fests to now a time when I cant get by even if I stay up beyond 8 PM. Take yesterday for an example. It sucks that age is creeping up on me like that.

Mind you, this ability did not go poof like that one fine day. It crept away from me. Like you know you have this house (imagine Carl and Ellie’s house in Up) tied to a million Helium air balloons. And as it goes up, the balloons start popping out and the house can no longer continue going up. In fact, the weight in the house starts to drag it back.

That is how I feel!

With each passing day the body seems to be weathering more and more and the ability to recover seems to be reducing more and more.

In the end…

As I write this, it’s 4:06 PM. I have just woken after an afternoon siesta. I did not really want to sleep in the afternoon. I just could not continue to stay up because I had to pull an all-nighter for a project that I was working on.

I need to go stretch my rickety old back and lie down on a hard surface till I feel like a human again.

That’s about it. That’s the post.

Oh, and, FUCK YOU, OLD AGE!

This is part of 30 minutes of writing everyday challenge. Others in the series are at 3010, 3110, 0111, 0211, 0311, 0411, 0511, 0611, 0911, 1011, 1211, 1311, 1411, 1511, 1611, 1711, 1811, 1911, 2011, 2311.