Short note on how I spent yesterday, the takeaways (my fading memory) and a rant on minimalism.
7:35. Home. Sunday. I have been up since 6:30 or so. But been doing things (primarily making lists) to ensure that once I am gone for 3 weeks, the world does not fall apart! Lol! Such magnanimity, Mr. Garg.
So today looks like a busy workday. I have a lot of things to work on before I start the next week. And then I am gone for 2-3 weeks. So that. The challenge would be to work from home – I don’t know how I would manage. Let’s see. I dont want to go to a Starbucks – too far from where I live. I hate wasting time in commuting within a city. More so after the lockdown taught me that most work meetings are essentially emails. The meetings with newer people, well, those are a different matter.
I met a few friends yesterday. And I bumped into a friend that I was not planning to meet. It was a very very fulfilling day. If I had my way, I would spend all my life doing exactly what I have been up to the last few days. Come on, Universe. I have made elaborate notes in my Roam.
Two things need to be cataloged however here. For the world to see. And for me to recall.
A. I have very faint recollections of places I have been to and people I have met. When I met NG, RM, and AG, I realized that they remembered incidents from almost all the travels they’ve been to. I, on the other hand, dont even remember the countries that we have visited together. They had to remind me that we were together in Sri Lanka. And they remembered that it was the year when Modi was getting elected (or re-elected or whatever).
B. I had momos at this restaurant that were absolutely mindblowing. Of course, I can’t remember the name of that restaurant. See point A above. Even though I had these not less than 24 hours ago. Sigh. I need to do something about my memory. May be stop taking notes ;P
So yeah. that was yesterday.
Oh, while typing this, I realized what Krishna told me. I used a lot of backspaces while I type. I need to fix that also. That means I am fast but I am not accurate at all.
Lemme run an experiment. The next para, I will type without using backspace. Let’s see what I get.
so I am typing this para without using backspace. And at my normal typing speed that I would use when I am typing things on messages, emails, powerpoints etc. Of course autocorrect is on and its fixing a lot of messages that I am mistales that I ma king, But more of less I thin this is ok. I can living with mistakes I am king for the sped that I can type and thing and type and then make sense with. As I tpe I use gramarly and I a,reaud see som 1000 red lines underneath things . Maybe there is indeed a mert in slowing dow?
Ok, that has a lot of mistakes!
The next para, I would type deliberately with the intent of making as few mistakes as possible. Let’s see how it goes.
This para, I am typing little slow with a lot f o deliveration, hoping to not making mistakes but typing slow and still not using backspace. So clearly I am making far less mistakes. I am not using backspace but I am still getting things autocrorected. So that’s helping. But since I am typing slow, I am making lesser mistakes. Except the mistakes in gramma etc. Not sure if I like this. This typing sllow os impedimenting (if there’s a work like that) my thinking speed. I ma a fat thinker that moves from one to tnnaother to another to another. So that.
I think I made as many mistakes. No?
The solution? Type fast and let mistakes happen. Lol!
So, less than a week to go for the trek. I have made most of the purchases that I had to make. Made a list here, in case you want to see. This trip is turning out to be the most expensive, unplanned trip of my life. I mean when I started 2021, I did not know I would go to Nepal. But it happened. But I am glad I am going. Everest has been a long-held dream. In fact, the other day KaGe mentioned that I had dreamt about Everest even when he and I worked together on Cyntax. Again, my memory clearly fails me there.
While I am ok with the money I spent, I am more effed about the number of things I’ve bought. For a minimalist in me, this is as cringe-inducing as it can get! And knowing myself, I would probably throw half of those things away when I come back. So, so much waste. For getting the validation in my head that I can do an arduous trek. Minimalism -1!
Plus, these are one-time purchases. These are once-in-a-lifetime adventures. You know, how weddings are. And yet I have to buy things so that nothing goes wrong. Wish I could reuse things that others have used before me. I wish I could simply rent things. But then, safety. Convenience. Insurance. Damn!
I am literally a bloated pig. I will probably fast today to try and get my body in control if I have to go thru the grind of walking 10 hours every day for the next 15 days. And with pants. And shoes.
Guess this is about it for the day. More later. See you around.
Here’s streaks.
OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 185
#noCoffee – 29
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 5998
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1 (buying things for once in a life adventures)
I talk about events as engaging work, wanting to write for a living, minimalism and how India is where the future is and yet me wanting to move out!
7:12. Woke up a few minutes ago. I am a little groggy. Guess it’s the sleeping on the floor ka side effect. Two more nights. And then one night on a train and then a hotel bed. Damn, I miss hotels and their beds. Damn, I miss life as an event manager! I think of all the things I’ve worked on, I was the most engaged when I was doing events. And I have a feeling, if I dive head-on into films, I would be far more engaged than I am when I am on any other project. I enjoy the time I spend while I am writing but then writing doesn’t pay. Damn this world where I need to find money to engage in things I love.
Anyhow. Let’s not get into a rant.
So yesterday was ok. Did some work. Did some time pass. Met a client f2f about 4 months after we started working. It was good fun. Got rogered as well (I am failing as a marketer there). Need to pull socks. But that’s the part and parcel of life. I can’t have all things work smoothly all the time. There would be ups and downs and that’s ok.
Today is a long long day. I need to wear shoes and go to another client’s office. I dont know how that would pan out. I hope I dont get rogered there :D. Then I need to visit the set of the next short film that I am working on. Not that I add any value but it’s the closest that I can get to doing an event. Just that I am the guy who controls things at the event. And at the set, it’s the director.
So that.
Oh, I must log that this trek to EBC is not turning out into a good idea. I have bought way too many things (shoes, clothes, accessories). And while it’s money, it’s also the mental load of owning all those things. I mean I have mentally decided that I will give away the new shoes to the porter that will help me carry my things. And other accessories to travel shops in Nepal. Just that, this effort of buying expensive things and then thinking about them is not cool. I need to become stronger with this resolve of staying a minimalist. And I need to have more money to be able to not worry about spending large sums on one-time purchases and then discarding what I bought. I mean this pair of shoes is probably the most expensive I’ve ever bought (at 8K) and I will just give it away after I wear it for like 5 days! So that.
No, I can’t complain that this is a side effect of minimalism. It’s just that I find it wasteful. And no, there’s no solution.
Ok. What else?
So the other day I was talking to MK about how I want to live and work out of India. And how I am supportive of everyone moving out of here. You know, the political and economic environment. And he told me that maybe I need to rethink this. In the sense that as an entrepreneur and a capitalist, he is of the opinion that the future is in India. I can’t disagree. We are the second-largest domestic market, of people that have more and more discretionary money to spend and on top, aspirations to second to none. So there would be a few years of consumerism. And that means there would be more and more opportunities for people like us. You know, while in the gold rush, make axes? So that. No, I haven’t changed the resolve per se. But when MK talks, I listen carefully. So I need to think more about it. Maybe I would think about it over the next few days.
So I guess this is about it for the day. Short post but this is all that I am thinking about right now. Here’s streaks…
Did not have a lot to write today. Wrote a disjointed post about things on the top of my head.
6:30. Up a minute ago. I have fogged eyes, sore body. I think it’s because of all the walking I’ve been doing. No, I am not doing anything. I had plans to do push-ups, yoga, Jal Neti, stairs and I dont know what else. But for some reason, I am not doing anything except walking. There has to be a deeper thing at play here. I mean why am I willing to endure sore legs and blisters in my toes and I am shying away from other things? Maybe because walking around allows me to see the world outside? Maybe there’s a change in scenery? Maybe it’s effortless? I dont know. I will have to think deeper. Let’s see when.
So I have some disconnected thoughts from here on. Lemme use bullets.
A. Jetha (one of the coolest young people I know that is also very ambitious) decided to start a periodic letter to his connections. He says that I have inspired him. I am not sure though. Each person knows inherently what they want to do. And how they do those things. People like me only show the path. It’s the choice of the recipient if they want to walk on it.
B. While I was thinking about relationships and how to make things work, I stumbled upon an idea. If and when I get into another one, I think I will gamify it. I mean any relationship is a lot of hard work. But I am learning that someone like me needs to put in all the more hard work than others. I have very high expectations from life and thus from my partner. And of course, I am willing to do a lot – I hope I do. I mean others can only tell. Looking at things from my lens, I think I will only spot good things.
C. The initial excitement about EBC has now waned off. Now it’s the rigor needed to get there. You know, working out and all that.
Wait. I have covered this already when I lamented that I am not doing enough. Must buckle up. Because once I am up there, I will probably not have anything to fall back on.
D. I was watching something on Youtube (or was it Facebook; yes I am spending a lot of time on FB) and I saw this lady making a castle with a form board. I think it reminded me of that one large project that I want to pick where I do things by hand. You know, solve a big jigsaw, create a painting (even though I am not a painter), make a table. Something. Where I see tangible improvements on a day-to-day basis. And I use my hands (rather than just brains, like you do in a book). I really want to pick a project like that.
The thing is, however, that such a project goes against the ethos of having a house full of things. Even to make a jigsaw, I need to have some space in the house where I could lay the pieces out. If I have to make something, I need tools, paints, colors, and whatnot. So, this goes against the very ethos of what I want to stand for – you know, minimalism.
A few days ago (160721) I had decided that I will keep a running counter with arguments in favor of and against minimalism. I had said,
Wait. I have an idea. I will keep a running score of arguments in favor of and against minimalism. By the time I come back to Mumbai (after Diwali), depending on where the score is, I will move in that direction. So, the in-home chef is against minimalism. I am at -1 on that.
A quick post about work, food, minimalism and more. Loved writing it, even if it didnt come out too good.
6:34. Been up for about 20 minutes. Played a game of chess as I was coming back to life. So this one is going to be a short one. I have a long day at work and I don’t have even the 45 minutes that I typically take for writing these morning pages. More than the long day, I am running behind on the deliverables. Like crazy. I have calls throughout the day and I need to present on those calls and I haven’t been able to figure what to say on those. I am gonna wing it. Let’s see how I do.
The lesson that I am taking away is that I tend to overestimate what I can do in a day. I think I read this somewhere that people routinely do that. Underestimate what they can do over long periods and overestimate what they can over shorter durations. I am no different. However, in my case, I think the goals that I have for the long-term are definitely not small ones. It’s the short-term that I need to find a way to fix.
Ok, am digressing towards the rant.
So the highlight of yesterday has to be that I managed 12 rounds of Surya Namaskar. I couldn’t walk as much as I would’ve wanted to. But 12 rounds literally killed me. I decided to eat disciplined. Which I did till about 8 PM last night. But then I ordered the love of my life – rice. Sigh.
Fuck epiphany happened! I was lurking on Twitter last night when I saw Shaan Puri talk about an in-home chef. I think that is what I need. VG has had one for a while and I can see the difference that it has made to his family’s food. I think I need to think about getting one. Just that I don’t want to maintain a kitchen, you know minimalism. Maybe I need to get into an arrangement with some friend? I mean most of my friends have a cook coming over a couple of times a day and make their food. I can use that facility and get my food made? The challenge however is that in-home chef can use ingredients that you want at a time when you want.
Wait. I have an idea. I will keep a running score of arguments in favor of and against minimalism. By the time I come back to Mumbai (after Diwali), depending on where the score is, I will move in that direction. So, the in-home chef is against minimalism. I am at -1 on that.
Also, lemme define minimalism. It is not really not having a lot of things. It’s really an abstraction for having no attachment to things. You know, how people have a favorite tee-shirt, a favorite postcard that they’ve got from someplace? a favorite memory that they continue to cling on to? I don’t want to get attached to anything. I want to live in the present. I thus consciously try to forget about things that are in the past. Lol. Not consciously. I just can’t seem to remember. So, I don’t want to cling to things. I don’t want to be a hoarder. I don’t want things to become obstacles to how I live and operate. An easy way to practice it is by reducing the number of things you have, you own, you like. And thus the chase of minimalism. And the way to do so is by having as few things as possible.
So yeah. That.
Right now, Shaan’s comments and VG’s experience are making me reconsider. Let’s see what I end up doing. By Diwali. And why Diwali? Well, like I’ve been saying, I need to be in Delhi for Diwali, and once I come back, I will find a house all over again. And this time, I will get a fancy and a big one with as few things in it as possible. Wishful thinking 😀
Guess this is it for the day. Not sure what else to write. Plus, like I said in the beginning, have a lot to work on. So, with this, over and out. See you guys on the other side.
Oh, the game I played as I woke up? I lost!
And here’s streaks…
OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 127
#noCoffee – 16
#aPicADay – 0
Minimaslism – -1. Started this today.
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 1. Let’s see if I can manage today.
10 mins of meditation – 0
Morning Pages / Meditations – 217
PS: I realize that I have been talking a lot about work the last few days. I need to get over it. Once this week is over, I will streamline it to a point that I am no longer ranting or cribbing about it.
8:32. Starbucks. Not my usual one. I am at the one in Powai. I have to go to the end o the world for a meeting and since there is no Starbucks there, I am parked here till about an hour to go for the meeting. I hope it works out well and the ordeal of these clothes etc is worth it!
So something interesting happened yesterday. Prak was over and while talking to her, the distracted one I am, I started to clean things that I have at my house. I’ve been meaning to do this for a while. You know, move to minimalism. Just that I hadn’t had the opportunity to even get started. I did make small starts by giving away a few things but it is those little trinkets that you hold close that you can’t seem to give away. So while talking to her, I sort of emptied various shelves out, took out things, thought about them, and then discarded a lot of those. It was scary for a bit but then after a while, it felt ok.
Some were tough to remove. Some were easy. Some I’ve continued to cling to. I will probably throw those away in the next pass (whenever that happens).
Thing is, my ambition is to own just 20 things. Including Passport, computers, phones, toothbrushes, first-aid, even undies, etc. It sounds impossible but let’s see if I can reach that point. If not that, then I have to be at a point when I just have enough that can fit in a carry-on bag in the most commercial of airlines in their cattle class.
I think the answer is complex and there are multiple factors at play here.
For starters, I have wanted to live a simpler life where I think on a higher plane (whatever that means). Then, lately, I’ve been reading and consuming a lot of content from Dandapani. I think the final straw was when I thought deeply about life and death a few days ago. I was at a point where I realized that when I am gone, would I want to have my affairs in order? Or will I just go and leave things open.
Now, as someone who’s like the biggest loser I know and as someone that leaves so many things unfinished, when I go, I really want to have things in order. In the sense that there can’t be anything that expects someone to come back. The place has to be vacated. The lights need to be shut. All things discarded. At places where they can’t be attributed to me. In fact, in my will, one of the things I’ve mentioned is that all my digital footprint must be deleted. As much as possible, at least.
So that.
Also, I realized I think the best when I talk out loud to others. Not write, not think but when I talk out loud. But then I need people like Prak to talk to. You know the ones that would not judge and will not impose their thoughts and ideas on my situation. The trouble is, I dont know many people like her.
Anyhow. I have a very long Friday ahead. And even longer weekend. And the next week. The list of to-dos is almost reaching the moon. I need to either find a thing where I dont rent my time or I need to marry a rich heiress of an infinite fortune. Know anyone?
Quick note on things that are on the top of my head.
8:25. While I’ve been up since 7, I’ve been a zombie. I’ve now shat-showered-powdered and waiting for my breakfast to arrive. And while the plan was to write this from the Starbucks, I thought, lemme grab a bite before I am stuck in a Starbucks for next few hours.
So, I did not sleep well last night. Guess too much coffee. Too much food. Too many distractions. Too much on my mind. And too much Fauda. And that too at 1.25X speed. I mean I am not enjoying the show or seeing it from the critical eye that I typically see things from. I am merely seeing the rushes. The joy of watching a story unfold in front of my eyes has been sucked away. I am merely going thru the motions.
Lemme try and clear things that are sort of clouding my mind. Including work and non-work. And in no order.
Today marks the end of my one-month Keto subscription. I dont think I’ve lost weight. No, I don’t feel energetic. In fact, I am the same as I was a month ago. I probably chose the wrong supplier to save on money. Need to think of what to do with my meals from Monday onward. Weekend any way I am out.
The side effect of this vegetarian keto attempt is that I have started to hate paneer from the bottom of my heart. I’ve had enough paneer for the rest of my life. I have to either turn into a non-vegetarian or find a way to lose weight. I can’t work out, can’t lift weights 🙁
On the other hand, I can’t stop having the Egg Soup. I ordered it twice yesterday!
Need to stop with the coffee. No, I don’t enjoy coffee as much I love other beverages (like Coke). But the thing is, I dont like the idea of being a freeloader at a Starbucks. While I can shift to Green Tea or even Water to pay for the time I spend there, I feel criminal about paying so much for water. So I dont know the way out.
So yesterday, a friend sent me this video of a woman with She (by Elvis Costello) playing in the background. That video took my heart away! She took my heart away. I instantly knew I had to write about it. And, I am struggling to write my ode to it. I mean I started writing it yesterday and I am yet to find the right words. Breakthrough isn’t in sight. It was triggered by an Instagram post that a friend sent me.
Went for a walk. Met Ken. Talked about films and all. Spotted the sea.
Workwise, this week has been easy. One of the clients is literally silent. The other is chugging along. So more or less, things are ok there.
I got a new intern on board. Not sure if she will stay for long. But she’s on. It’s amazing how one client that pays you fairly allows you to expand where you are and what you do. I just need to be more prudent with my money and start saving more so that I can
On Friday, I am conducting the first paid session for NFG on Notetaking 101. I am not getting paid a lot but I am getting paid to speak and share what I know. Yay!
Life has come to a point where I have some money coming in. Enough for me to not think about where the next meal will come from. Enough to even pay back all the debt that I had loaded myself with. No, it’s still not smooth. It is at the tenterhooks. I lose one client and I am back to square one. But after at least 18 months or so, I am at that point where I am now thinking a lot more about the things I can do that take me closer to my goal of inspiring a billion people! I had thought Long Haul will be that. But it’s been really hard on that front. No one wants to trust me with their money. I a
Oh, while typing this, I decided that I will not buy a new iPhone. I will get this one fixed. I will spend another 8K but I will get this fixed. I want to save and get over the debt. The only money I will spend is on people and projects.
The most important. I had thought I will start with this. Lemme get this out of the bullets.
I have started to give away things that I’ve owned. Yesterday, I gave away the TV. I have also parted with the guitar that VG gifted me I don’t know how many years ago.
Now, I am left with a writing table, a bookshelf that has I don’t know how many books (and paper and notes and all that), a yoga mat, knick-knacks that I have gathered over the years, and some clothes. No, I don’t have a functioning kitchen. And computers (laptop – this and old, hard disk drives, pen drives, etc).
The idea is to dispose of everything and have just enough that can be carried in a laptop bag and a big hard-top lug. I don’t like duffels. I am ok to live with very few things and in this post-pandemic world, that should be the norm. I am just worried about all the notes that I’ve taken. I will probably digitize those? I don’t know yet. After I lost my phone data, I have stopped worrying about losing important things. The ephemerality of life is a lot more apparent and visible. Thank you, COVID-19 for that.
So yeah, the idea is that by end of this month (or may be the next), I would have disposed of all the things that I hate. The ones that I need to store (I’ll try that these are as few as possible), I will send those to Delhi, to my parent’s place. The rest, I will carry on me. Let’s see how it goes.
So yeah. All this.
Here’s streaks…
Morning Pages / Meditations – 186
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 0
#noCoke – 98
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0. I did not do it yesterday. Neither I did it today 🙁
A short rant on house I want to have, minimalism and more.
8:36. Woke up a few minutes ago. Still hungover from all the work I did yesterday. I would’ve spent 23 hours on calls yesterday. I started work at 830/845 types. I ended at 10. With no breaks except the ones to pee. I ate while the calls were on. I sleepwalked through the day. To a point that I was finally sick of a computer and I threw the laptop aside and went to sleep.
Of course, I did not sleep and whiled time on the Internet till 2. And as a result, I am groggy and tired. Both in the head and in the body. I think I’ll go for a short walk to get my body to move. Maybe that will give me the feeling of an escape. I have been trapped in this house for 3 days now and I need a way out. Or I can alternatively do them Surya Namaskars. I havent done for 2 days now. Let’s see what I end up doing.
I am listening to this track after a while and I must say, it gets my brain moving! I mean it makes me think and groove and wonder at amazement and does all sorts of interesting things. I love this idea of music playing out loud in the morning. To a point that I am enticed to buy a big-ass speaker that plays good music. But then, the minimalist in me would hate seeing it around every day.
Lemme talk about that.
I think I know what I need. I need one space where I have all these fancy things that make life comfortable – you know, a large screen TV, fancy speakers, deep rugs, writing chairs, coffee makers, fancy bookshelf with all my books on it, lamps, walls full of paintings, art, and some shelves with all the other things that I want to have. May be I will use this place as a storehouse where I will dump all those things that I have gathered over the years (to be honest a lot of those are no longer with me – every time I move house, I discard some of those, including the ones that I have the largest affinity to).
And then I need a space that’s barren like a desert. Much like one of my earlier houses. Where all I have in a large bedroom is one thick mattress, some pillows, dark curtains, the silentest AC, and some water bottles. And that’s about it. Outside that bedroom, I want another large room with literally nothing. I need space to walk around. I need to be able to walk to a large balcony and stare at the world outside. I can’t do with these closet houses where they make large windows and yet you look over at a dump. This place has to be on one of the higher floors, if not the highest floor ever.
I miss the time when I could simply go to a broker and ask him/her to get me the house on the topmost floor. I can no longer do that. May be in a few months acche din will be back. May be I will get this cluttered workspace and sparse living and thinking space.
Sigh. Wishful thinking. Anyhow. Need to start the day and get going with work. Not too many things around writing etc. Here’s streaks.
Morning Pages / Meditations – 136
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 49
#noCoke – 49
10 mins of meditation – 2
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 0
Surya Namaskar – 2 today’s the second day on the trot when I am not doing this.
In this one, I have a heart-to-heart chat with myself. About things that I’ve been thinking about subconsciously. Do read and lemme know what you think.
6:51.
Not in the best shape rn. I slept at around 2. Had some coke (real, not Diet) and a bucket full of McD fries at around midnight. Two large Americanos just before that. And don’t know what else crap during the day. In fact, I felt so unwell, so full yesterday since the morning that I had to sleep it off. And all this, when I have sort of, managed OMAD for three-four days. In fact, as I type this, I am hungry and I just want to eat all there is in the world.
Damn damn. Need to figure out this soon.
Ok. On to morning pages. Today’s a tad different. Most things I am writing today are from notes that I made last night when I was trying to sleep. I did not plan to make notes per see but them thoughts when I was fucked in the head had to be captured. They couldn’t remain fleeting. I know this is like cheating. The idea of morning pages is to write about what am thinking once I wake up. And use notes from the previous night. But these had to be captured. I think I will make an exception this one time.
Oh, before we do that, here’s the track am tripping on since last night…
This lo-fi music is really kickass!
In bullet points, I want to talk of following. While elaborate on each as I go along.
Love nights!
Love public places
Loneliness
Rethinking the idea of a home.
Move things
Morning Hour
Work
Love for the sky
Here we go…
a. Love for nights.
Last night, I was working from an McD. While coming back, I was on a scooty and the roads were empty, except for the ones looking for parties. And escape. And I realized that I love the idea of nights. The world has sort of retired to their bedrooms and you are out there. Out and about. Doing your thing. Could be ground-breaking work. Could be something inane. The roads are empty. The weather’s better. The only others to keep you company are young lovers, paddlers of “sin”, others of your ilk that want to do more with their lives. That’s all. All three are the ones that need to be celebrated more than anyone else. The ones that burn the midnight oil are the ones that do crazy things.
And yeah, the world needs more crazy. I need more crazy.
Sadly, because I chase longevity, I try to follow the sun with my routine. I wish I could do otherwise. I wish I could stay up till late (like I have always done since I was a child) and yet remain alert, healthy, active, and all that.
b. Love for public places.
I love public places. Like Mcd. Starbucks. NickyM’s. Co-working spaces. Lounges. Hotels. And more. Especially if they are comfortable. I just can’t do home. I will talk more about the home in a bit. I have to be out and about. With others around me. Others could be my people. Or strangers. But others. The lockdown made me realize that I could stay alone in a house if I had to, as long as I have the Internet :D. I can even live on a secluded island.
But given an option, I would like to be in a public place. Literally live in a public place. Even if I am an introvert. I thus need to ensure that whatever I do, I have access to some interesting public places that are welcoming. And are comfortable. #note2self
c. Loneliness.
The third L in the row. So yesterday was crazy. I had a bad day. I was sort of unwell. I was on the roads late at night by myself. And I felt lonely. I think I felt like this after quite a few days. Most times I can keep myself a great company. I am ok to be alone. I never understood the idea of solo travel but I have been able to live by myself.
When I talk of loneliness, I don’t mean friends or relatives or spouse or even this blog. I mean someone that I could be with that did not need explanations, someone that’s easy going. You know, someone that is non-judgemental. Someone that fans my fire. Yes yes, all these are typically rolled into one in your friends or spouse. I am super lucky to have great friends all my life. My romantic relationships have been rocky but I can not complain – it was me more often than not. The loneliness that I felt yesterday was of a different kind. You know, I wish I had another set of people (apart from friends, family, romantic partners, business partners etc). Not forever. But temporarily. You know, like you goto a staycation even when you have a home right next to you. How you goto a bar and get drunk. Bars are non-judgemental af. Must write more about them. How you goto those temporary relationships where you see physical comfort.
Fuck! Epiphany. This is EXACTLY(!) what my characters have been seeking at Caravan Serai!
FUCK FUCK FUCK! What a discovery! Caravan Serai (my next book) is about people that are seeking a temporary escape from their existing lives! And want a life that is different from the ones they’ve lived so far! The damn Caravan Serai is exactly that. A temporary resting place as you make your way from point a to point b. I need my own Caravan Serai. Most people find it in alcohol, casinos, drugs extra-marital affairs, and more. Need to find what is my poison. And then convince me that I ought to take it! This was nice! I have this mile-wide smile on my face. The first real one in more than a few days.
d. Rethinking the idea of a ‘home’.
I’ve been in Goa for a few days now. I am living out of a suitcase. The good part is that since I am not meeting any work-related people, I can wear whatever. So that helps.
What is home? A place where you can sleep naked on the floor? Where I can prop up my feet on a fancy table? A place where I can get away from societal norms? A place where you remember what button switches on what appliance? A place where you hang paintings that you like without having to seek permission? A place that you come back to after you’ve had enough at work or at a Caravan Serai? A place that allows me to get into a comfortable place in my head?
I’ve been rethinking the idea of home. Can I live out of a suitcase for good? I have not missed the things that I have in Delhi or Mumbai houses since I’ve come here. I have always attached so much emotion to the writing table, the books, the guitar, the notes that I have taken over the years. Heck, I don’t remember things that I have stored in Mumbai. When I go back, I will make so many serendipitous discoveries. That would be nice. Ok, I digressed. Back.
I know that for a lot of people these things mean a lot. These objects are very important. But for me, these don’t mean a thing. And if the last few weeks are anything to go by, like I said, I haven’t missed them a bit.
Can I thus become a minimalist nomad? Is it sustainable with my parents growing older and needing care (not to say they need it. They are very independent and I am grateful for that)? How would I fund this nomadism? What about my quirks? Whims? I don’t like to live with others (friends etc). I need my own space. Even if my best friend lived in a certain city, I like to stay in a hotel. I have to have my space. As a digital nomad, this is not possible – I will have to manage with whatever I get.
And what if, at some point in time, I do want to “settle down”? Do I then create a home?
So that.
e. Moving things.
This is important to me. I love the idea of creating movement. Since the pandemic, my ability to create this movement has stalled.
Wait. What do I mean by moving things? Creating movement?
I don’t have a definition but in a broad sense, by creating movement, I mean nudging people to take action on things that I feel are going to fulfill them. I like the idea of seeding new ideas. They may or may not fructify. I love trying new things. I love tinkering and putting new things out there in the world. I like the idea of millions of side projects, side hustles. Not to make money per see. But to see what is possible. You know, lift rocks to see what comes from underneath. Ask questions. Scratch the itch. Get curious. Ask questions. Move things. Get the drift?
Last night, it dawned onto me that since I’ve come to Goa, I’ve caused any movement anywhere. I’ve been working on all the existing things but no new movement has happened. I mean I did think about Shumbur.com but that’s not proving to be easy at all to execute.
This movement is what I need in life. I don’t know what is it about Goa that I am unable to move things. Need to investigate more.
f. The Morning Hour.
So I realized that I need a couple of hours to myself before I start the day. I often get late in waking up and then I am rushing to catch meetings. There was a time where I could dictate terms with how I would spend my time. Lately, I am unable to. And that’s causing my random anguish.
In fact, I think the inability of moving things is because I dont have this morning hour for myself anymore. I dont feel equipped to take on the world unless I have had this hour to myself. No, I dont mean that I need to meditate or write or whatever. I like the idea of control and plan and I want to just think about how I want to spend the day.
In fact, I have found that if I dont plan my time in the morning, I miss deadlines. A lot. So that has to become sacrosanct all over again.
Will action from today on. After this morning pages is done, will spend time planning things. And will not move on anything.
Oh, the other realisation, as I was editing this is that I need to find an office or something for me fast if I have to work better. I do my best work when I am following a predictable routine. And there’s no place like an office to do that.
g. Work.
Of course I’ve been thinking a lot about work lately. I cant seem to pin point where I want to head next. There are projects that I want to deliver (help TRS, PPP etc break even, finish book2, run a marathon etc), these dont run the economic engine that I need to sustain the life that I want to live.
I know everyone has had a terrible year but the terribility or non-terribility of their year does not pay my bills. So while it’s good to compare and seek solace in collective fuckery, I need to look out for myself. And the ones I am responsible for.
I need to get this sorted fast. Before shit hits the roof. If it hasnt already.
h. Love for the sky.
Lately, my Instagram feed has sort of got fucked. They are terrible pictures. They tell no story. They are not even ordinary. They are bad. However, I realized yesterday that I love skies. Open, wide, in all hues. In all colors. The last few posts have had the skies dotting the, well, skyline of the photos.
I never realized that I was the kind. But now I think, it’s evident. I think I even wrote in #tnks that Rujuta’s complaint with Mumbai was that she got no sky per se. I think that’s why I love high-rises – they sort of touch the sky. I love when am on a plane – public place, in the sky. What else do you want?
So that. No action point. Just wanted to report that I love the sky ;P
And yes, I will work harder to fix the insta feed!
***
So this is it. For today’s morning pages. I know this is different. But that’s ok. My morning pages. My blog. Ma lyf, mah rulez.
Phew. This was nice and intense. I need to move these to Roam during the day.
Onto #freewriting for #book2. It’s 8:10. I will stop at 8:30.
First time Rujuta saw a snake slither around on road, she was creeped beyond imagination. She had seen her stuff of wild, bloody, gory things but creepers were not her cup of tea. The cabbie looked at the obvious discomfort that Rujuta was in. He chuckled, “Madam, we call Goa a snake country.”
Rujuta looked at him with a questioning eye.
“Snakes are more commonplace here than what stray dogs are. In fact, during monsoons, you’d probably see more snakes on the roads than them tourists that anyway worse than the snakes”, the cabbie laughed at what he thought was a great joke.
“No way”, Rujuta muttered to herself.
“But don’t worry ma’am. They are mostly harmless. Even if they are poisonous, we don’t really get too many cases of people dying of snake bites. Dogs can be a problem though!” He clearly wanted to chat. Rujuta was his first ride of the day and he was expecting a fat tip if he went by experience. He had judged Rujuta from her clothes and could make out that she was a wife of a banker or something and is in Goa to chill with her buddies from her kitty. She was even going to the hotel that was most frequented by these fancy trophy wives, the Taj on top of the Aguada.
Rujuta had remained silent.
He pushed on but wanted to be cautious as well. The first ride of the day set the tone for how his day was going to go. “Are you here by yourself?”
Rujuta did not want to get into a conversation. She merely nodded. She was seated next to the driver. The cabbie had found this little awkward but he dismissed it as a quirk of a rich housewife. Rujuta and Prakash had many arguments over where to sit. Often she would do it only to rile up Prakash and even though he was now gone, she continued to favor the seat. She liked to see the road up ahead and getting into a reverie. This was her trance. Her meditation. her thinking tool.
She anyway had a lot on her mind. The trip to Goa was anyway an unplanned one. Tarana was insistent that she go travel. It’s been almost 5 years since Prakash was gone. Rujuta had immersed herself into the world of colors and paints and boxed herself in her 2 bedroom apartment. Thankfully she did not have any fancy expenses per se and thus she didn’t have to work.
Tarana had found some local boy and got him to book a ticket for Rujuta. The boy even got the name wrong on the ticket. Tarana did not know that it could be a problem when Rujuta would board the flight. But the ticket it was. To Goa. The place that Tarana thought everyone from Mumbai went for a holiday. The boy had told her that Lonavala and Alibaug and Matheran were too common.
Rujuta did not want to make a trip but this was a rare occasion when Tarana had actually booked a flight for her. She couldn’t say no. Rujuta booked herself in the hotel for a couple of nights. She had planned to decide on what to do next once she landed in Goa.
***
That’s it for the day. Hope you have a great one.
In this one, I have a heart-to-heart chat with myself about things that I’ve been thinking about at a subconscious level Do read, if you can.
PS: I’ve been writing this daily update, every morning for a few days now. I send the link to a few friends and family on Whatsapp every day. Should you want to receive the link to these updates, do let me know and I will add you to the list.
In this edition of morning pages, I talk to myself about how it would be to live out of a suitcase. So far, it doesn’t look doable 😀
Morning. When I decided to write these, these were supposed to be the very first thing I’d do in the morning.
Mornings have been precious to me. I like the idea of getting things done first thing in the morning. In fact, my best work (ideas, thoughts, writing, etc) happens in the morning. That is why I have not been able to work out in the morning. cc Harshit. I want to have that feeling of having done something productive in the morning. Even if it’s writing all my ideas, thoughts, rants on a piece of paper. Or on these morning pages. Writing, rather, pounding on the keyboard has been my thing. I feel as if I have done something. I know these are not really productive things. I am probably being busy for sake of being busy, rather than doing any actual work!
Today however I broke the rule.
The first thing I did today was to clip my nails.
And I can tell you that I miss my nail cutter and filer more than I miss a hug from the people that I love the most. Really. The idea that I’ve been toying with about giving up my house and everything that I own? If I do implement it #in2021, I would not leave my nail cutter and the filer behind. Filer I can manage without but nail cutter I cant. It is as personal and close an object as your toothbrush is. Or that old chappal that has now taken the shape of your feet! Or you know, how you know where the switch to turn on the light in your bedroom is? You can reach out to it blindly!
That!
Nail cutter is that personal, intimate, close, required.
Coming back to the idea of packing my life in two bags, I am seriously considering it. Just that the travel bag may be too small for all the myriad things that I want to save – you know, the postcard that M & m made on my birthday, the photos of sgMS as a child, the post-it that Spa left behind on the green-board, the guitar that Vivek gave me, the Uke that Krishna made me buy, the paintings that Sonali has asked me to keep safe, the postcards that I have collected from all the travels that I have been lucky to have been on, the numerous books that are close to my heart. Fuck the list is long. For someone that wants to be a minimalist, I have a lot of things that I want to keep safe.
I need to reduce these so that I can fit them in a travel bag.
Wait. That may be too small. Maybe save all things that I can move in the boot of a car. And then take it around everywhere and live in hostels etc.
This actually sounds doable (getting a car). I can park it in long-term parking when I am on the road. I can dump the stuff at a hostel or something when the car needs repair.
Or I can rent one room somewhere and dump all my belongings there? I can totally see why storage units in the US are such lucrative businesses!
But the thing is, I need my space and I need my comfort and I need places to go during the day (I get bored with being at one place). With cheap co-working spaces offering me shelter and cheaper hostels offering me a bed, I think it is doable. May be this trip is an experiment in the direction? Right now, I spend my day in parts at a co-working space and in parts at a couple of restaurants where I have become friendly with the staff. Since there are not too many patrons anyway, they don’t care how long I spend there. I suspect once they get busy, they would not be as kind. Plus I have a fairly lavish space to myself, thanks to Rajesh Sir. If I did not have this and had to go back to a bunk bed at the end of the night, I may not be as happy in the head.
Plus when I spend time at restaurants, I need to spend money, which is ok. The sad bit is that most of these do not offer healthy eating options.
So, it has to be co-working spaces, hostels and a car. If at all. I don’t think I have what it takes to do this. I love people and ecosystems and comfort way too much to take this step.
Plus the pandemic has taught us that it hits the homeless the hardest. I would be an affluent homeless, if I choose to let go of my home.
Another option could be to create a hostel, a hotel, or something where I have a room that is mine and the other part is a commercial establishment. You know, how those moguls lived on top-floors of their hotels? But then, that’s like owning a home and not really living like a nomad with minimal possessions!
The final option from where I see things is that make so much money, so much wealth that you create a lavish space that is so well-appointed that you don’t really care about what it has and what it doesn’t. This allows you freedom from the mental burden of carrying things.
Wah, what a rant.
Actually, not a rant. Serious thought. This is how I talk to myself before I take large decisions. Self-talk. Structured mindmaps. And then letting things simmer in my head as I go about my day. And with this idea of being on the road all the time, I think it is doable. Of course, need to think of the money. I am getting by, well, almost. But what I am doing on a day to day basis is not moving me towards financial independence. And that is a rant for another day.
But I am seriously considering becoming that urban nomad. Let’s see if I can. Oh, and if I do that, I would carry my nail cutter for sure. Really.
Over and out!
PS: If you want to receive these on WA every day, lemme know. I’ll add you to the broadcast list.
What if I told you that a money plant mimics the way my life moves? Would would believe it? Wait. Why should you even? Read on to find out.
Again, a day where I don’t have anything specific to write about. Well, except, this! And since there is nothing else to write about, I am going to talk about it. After all, I have committed to writing for 30 minutes every day for 30 days.
Like I said yesterday, I want to be attached to as few things as possible. And I want to own as limited things as possible. And as a result, over the next few days, I will throw / discard most of the things I own.
Of the things that I will retain is this money plant.
3
Why?
Lemme tell you the backstory.
To be honest, I don’t know when I got this plant. Or how I got this plant. Maybe someone gifted this to me? Or may be my sis left this behind when she moved back to Delhi 3 years ago. But I do know that I have retained this plant for at least 4 years now and I have moved this particular plant every time I have moved houses. And over these four years, I have seen the plant flourish and I have seen it withered down to just 2 leaves. And each time, the state of the plant has sort of mirrored the state of my life!
In fact, I think, like in the Last Leaf (a masterpiece by O Henry) the way protagonist attaches her life to the leaf on a tree, I believe my fortune is attached to the leaves on this money plant.
I am serious. I have data to prove it. Since I have started tracking, the plant has hardly had any leaves and my life has been topsy-turvy. In fact, I don’t recall when was the last when the plant really flourish. And honestly, I don’t remember when was the last time I flourished. I mean I have had a fairly decent life, but I haven’t really flourished per se.
For a large part of the past 2 months, the plant had just 2 leaves.
But as I was prepping to move on to a new one, I spotted another leaf. The third one. So, there is an improvement. And thus, I am hopeful that the new house will be luckier than the previous one. I hope the plant goes back to having many more leaves. May be this year on, it will flourish again? May be I will flourish again?
Or, may be I am merely being a fool and I am confusing causation to correlation What do you think?
PS: Realised that the trouble with writing AND publishing every day is that I hardly get any time to edit. And thus a lot of bugs slip through. Need to find a way out. Any ideas anyone?
