Category: Writing

050421 – Meditations

I talk about dreams, space situation and a new project that I am kickstarting today. Read on.

6:17. Woke up a few minutes ago.

Believe it or not but I dreamt of Lamberghini. And no, I haven’t heard it recently. Funny how our memories work. Staying on dreams, here’s an anecdote. I was on a drive with a 2-year old kid. She wanted to peak out of the sunroof and her mom did not want her to. The next day, the mother told me that in her sleep, the kid was talking about how she wants to peak out. Isn’t it insane? Even a 2-year old kid knows what she wants and what she’s been asked not to do. Since she is helpless, she suppresses the want but at the sub-conscious level she wants it. And she dreams about it! It is brilliant! This entire life, humankind and how our bodies and brain function is so so so fascinating!

Yesterday I took it easy. In fact, I have been taking it easy the last few weeks, to be honest. Since I came back from Goa. I mean I am delivering on what is expected from me in terms of work and I am pushing things forward – as much as I can. But I do need to get back to action. I feel I am not doing enough. Funnily there is no external “force” asking me to do more. It’s me who’s pushing myself to do more. I know I have to. I am far far away from the #lifeGoal of a billion dollars and billion lives and Mt. Everest!

Mt. Everest brings me to another point. On the 2nd April, VG shared a pic from exactly ten years ago – He, SGG and I had gone to see the Cricket World Cup finals at Wankhede and we took a pic there. And then we took a picture of the three of us again. In the 10 years, I have aged visibly and I think this is a trigger enough to push me to get fitter! I mean I’ve had a million triggers – including health scares but nothing makes me move. Damn!

Anyhow. Enough of self-beating. Here is a puzzle am trying to solve – making the house a tad better in terms of organizing the furniture. I need to optimize the space and make the most of what I have. Till I can move on to another place. I did some shuffling around and now the bedroom has some space to walk around. So that’s a win. With a lockdown looming large, I need all the space I can get. The hall still is like a godown with boxes that need to be unpacked. Things are stacked on top of each other and those need to be hidden from sight. Till I moved into this cramped space, I never realized I had such a big thing for space around me. In fact, if I were to get back to what I’ve written over the last few days, this space situation is a common pattern.

In other news, Mumbai yesterday reported 11000 new COVID cases. At least two good friends now have it. I met one of those as recently as the Monday gone by. 6 days. So I may be at risk. However, I don’t have any symptoms so far. If I do develop symptoms, I will have to isolate myself in this house. And it would be a pain to find my rhythm when I am indoors. It’s going to be a challenge. Last year, I managed it as I was alone in a larger space. That place was fairly spacious and clean. There was a clear demarcation of personal and workspaces. This time, I am in a far smaller space and there are regular issues that you expect an old tiny apartment to have. Plus when I work, I need to have people around me. I need to have the AC working well. I need to have infinite water and I make a million trips to the loo. All these are great at an office. Or a Starbucks. At home the place I live at, I am not sure.

So that. Oh, today I start recording for a new podcast. I call it the Investor Thesis. The idea is to talk to investors and learn from them about their journeys, their thesis when they invest, what they think India lacks. The challenge would be to get them to talk about things that are of long-term importance to listeners. Let’s see how it goes. I will do 20 episodes and see where this goes.

So that’s the update for the day. No time for #book2 and here’s streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 115
  • #aPicADay – 95
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 26
  • #noCoke – 26
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0 (damn!)

040421 – Meditations

Morning musings. Nothing in particular.

6:27. Andheri.

So I just woke up. I think I slept at 9 or 9:30 types last night. And I slept well, I think. I mean I don’t recall any dreams per se but I think I slept ok. So a 9-hour sleep. Need to do more of these. In fact last night I was talking to someone and she said that she wakes up at 330. When I asked her when she slept, she said 10 PM. 330 is too early even by my standards. I want to wake up at 430. And that means I need to start sleeping at 10ish. Let’s see. I want to do a lot of things. If only wishes were horses.

I am gunning for a 48-hour fast today on. Lemme talk about this silly thing I do. The days I eat a lot of crap (like I did over the last two days), I get into this guilt trip that I need to live for long (at least 120) and thus I need to eat better. So I decide to take up these longish fasts. And that makes compels me to order that thing that I want to taste before I go for a fast (often, ice-creams, paranthas, Maggi et al). Think of that last thing that people want to eat before they die. And then I eat even more. And then I get bloated like a pig. And then I go on another spiral of guilt. And the loop becomes a never-ending one. Damn.

Last night as well, I had ice-cream as my last meal. And I did not want it per se. I merely wanted to “end” my unhealthy binge with something I love and yet is unhealthy. So that. Let’s see.

For a change, I plan to stay home today (and make the place a little more livable – anyone wants to come and help me?) and may be head out for a walk if at all. So fast should be easy. I may have a breakfast meeting today though. In case that happens, I will try to avoid the temptation to eat. But in case I do eat, I will start after that and will take a shot from that time on. I HAVE to get fit. In fact, the Hernia is also acting up. I need to get that fixed.

Today I am also working on my less-than-often letter to mentors and friends and others that want to see me succeed. In case you want a copy, here’s a link.

So, there’s nothing else that I want to write today (while there’s a lot on my head).

Except… something that I’ve been promising and not delivering – book2!

Like I said a few days ago, I don’t even recall where am I with book2. So, whatever I write will be disjointed. Here we go…

[START]

The clouds in the sky were low, dark, and dense. Apart from the dense shadows of these clouds, the beach underneath was otherwise secluded. For a regular at Palolem, Rujuta found it surprising to start with. But then she realized that this is what probably happened every monsoon. The tourists stay away. The migrants move back to their hometowns. The locals breathe a sigh of relief. The rains wash away the sins and stains and stink and scandals that Goa was a party to over the last year. It’s probably nature’s attempt at resetting the savageness on probably its most gorgeous creation. Rujuta made a note to ask Tarana about it. Or may be Raunak, now that he had begun talking. Even though he’s been behind the bars a long time without any access to any material from outside, Rujuta found Raunak’s understanding of people.

“What a waste that Raunak is locked up in jail. If he were out there, he’d have given those motivational babas a run for their money,” she thought to herself.

She continued to walk along the beach. She had no agenda today. Unlike her. There was a lot happening in her personal life – a new place, a new man that she finally liked, a new adventure. The place that was central to all the things happening to her had a lot happening for itself. The missing people, hints of crimes committed decades ago, transition from one generation to another. On a regular day, she would have been at it and wouldn’t have rested till she sorted these issues. Like Tarana told her, she did not like the idea of open windows.

[END]

Not too many words but a post nonetheless! And to end today’s post, here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 114
  • #aPicADay – 94
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 25
  • #noCoke – 25
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 1

030421 – Meditations

A short note about my love for hotels and how I thinking way too much about the space that I live in!

6:12. Surat.

On a work call yesterday, when I told the client that I am in Surat, she asked me if I have decided to travel through the length and the breadth of the country while we are in the lockdown. Funny but that’s how it is. Even though I don’t want to be traveling, things happen. Plus the lust to be on the road is never-ending! So ya! That!

I am in a hotel as I write this. Not a fancy resort kinds but more of a comfortable business hotel. I have stayed in one after almost a year (I think the last I stayed in a hotel was when I did that event in Lucknow in Mar 2020). I sort of missed it! The thing is, I love hotels as much as I love to travel! There’s something about white bedsheets as taut as the skin of the drum, staff as impersonal as doctors, the furnishings in the room like a page from a luxury magazine, the characteristic smell of the bathroom towels, the hazaar pillows strewn around the room, the laundry bags, the water bottles aligned liked the ships in a battle formation! Uff, I can continue to write about hotels. I miss those days when I was with Gravity and I literally lived in hotels (or transits) for a large part of a month. Damn, I miss those days. In fact, if I had the means, I would literally live in a hotel, you know, in a serviced apartment! I can totally live in a hotel even if they are impersonal af. Well, maybe someday. Someday karte karte half the life is over!

So the other decision that I took over the last two days is that I am moving out of the current house I am in. Have had enough of it. Too small. Too cramped. Too old. I keep bumping into walls or furniture. I keep spotting a lizard or a cockroach in the house. I can’t move around when I take phone calls. The entitlement from other residents is mind-boggling. You know how the human mind works. You can find mistakes in everything if you want to. You know, the rationalizing animals that we are.

I think that decision to get unfurnished, empty houses in new buildings is the best one. I can then plonk a mattress, fit my writing table and the bookshelf in it and get almirahs on rent to store a handful of clothes I own. And I am set! I can literally workout in all the empty space that I would get. Of course, all this makes the house an impersonal and functional space. I wouldn’t be able to host anyone there. I wouldn’t be able to invite friends etc. But that’s ok. I anyway don’t like the idea of people in my personal space. The 6-month lock-in gets over at the end of May and I will start a hunt for a place. Unless I get the Goa project off the ground by then. No, I have not given up on Goa. Lol!

If you realize, for some reason, I have decided that I want to move on from the current place and I am now seeking excuses and “rational” reasons for moving on. I should actually talk about this in more detail on this blog. Or even on SoG.

I have more to write but I guess that’s about it for today. I am running on a clock. Need to get out and about in less than 30 minutes and have a workpiece to write by that time. More later.

Here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 113. I am glad I could pull this off even when I was on the road.
  • #aPicADay – 93
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 24
  • #noCoke – 24
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

020421 – Meditations

Quick note on what I am upto today. And tomorrow. And the rest of the weekend.

6:23 AM. Woke up better than I woke up last night. I think it’s because I finally slept on a thin mattress on the floor, with an AC that works (but makes a hell of a noise). Some development for sure. Next up is to get the AC fixed so that the sleep is sorted. So a tiny win.

So, yesterday was exhausting af. I don’t think I have worked as much in the recent past. I mean I have. But it was another monster yesterday. Way too many calls (which is ok). Way too much thinking (thinking’s leaving me exhausted to a point that I never thought was possible). Way too many notes (which is a good thing). By the end of the day, I was way too tired to even talk about anything. I had the LFW meeting and I couldn’t focus or contribute to the only other member that made it there. It sucked 🙁

Also, the thing is, LFW was a cohort Hemant and I started to help each other write better. But the group is sort of dead. This is yet another attempt at the community that I failed to build. I need to learn how to do this. #note2self

Here’s what we wanted to do at LFW.

Moving on.

This weekend is a long one. However, I am taking it easy. Going for a drive. I love how the universe conspires. I wrote a piece about the drive yesterday and how I love it. And I am going again today. What else do you want in life?

I’ll tell you what.

Work.

Despite this being literally a one-day weekend for me (both Friday and Saturday would get exhausted with the drive), I have a few things that I need to work on. Lemme make a list. In no order.

  1. Review the month gone by. I haven’t done this in a while and it’s about time I get back to it. This was one of the most helpful things that I ever did but somehow stopped doing. Need to get back to it.
  2. Send an update to my mentors. I send this once every 2 months or so. Lemme know if you want to get a copy. The last few updates are here. I think I will open it to people and publish it on this blog as well. You know, living in public.
  3. Action SoG Grant. I have been sitting on my ass for a while now!
  4. Work on SoG Book. This has been pending for I don’t know how long. In the month of April, I will ship this for sure.
  5. Action WorkInGoa.com. Nihar from Clay gave me the idea and I’ve just sat on my ass for it. Need to act on it. I HAVE to have a foot in Goa!
  6. Finish work on all the open projects tasks for the week gone by.
  7. Mails from C4E domain are getting marked as spam on Gmail. Need to fix it. I can’t have my business email goto spam like that. I don’t know how to fix it. Maybe I need a new email server for mass mailing? Any techies around?

Wow, that’s a long list. And no, this does not include work on all the tasks that I am supposed to anyway do, you know, the ones I have saved in Asana!

So that’s the plan for the day. Time to move on getting some things ticked off the list. I do have a lot to talk about but I think I will skip that. Here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 112
  • #aPicADay – 92
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 23
  • #noCoke – 23
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

No, no book2. Even though I promised. Daal Roti is taking precedence over the Cherries. Sigh!

010421 – Meditations

A short post (yet again). On how I spent yesterday. And nothing else.

8:54 AM. Starbucks, Versova. Back on a computer. Yay!

I am late today. But der aaye, durust aaye. I am yet to start the day and this remains the first thing I do. Of course, after I reloaded money in Starbucks (they have increased prices from today), paid one of my people their salary (thanks to some logistical snafu, I got delayed by a day), and planned for the day (I have a lot on my plate – I took it easy yesterday). Wait. Lemme talk about yesterday.

I had a, well, interesting day yesterday. I use the word interesting loosely.

I woke up like I would do on any regular day and I had this notification on my phone that mandated that I bring out the problem-solver in me. This is when I lose all ego and get my blinders on and start trying to find ways and means and resources and options and scenarios to fix the issue at hand.

While this one was a small one and easily solved, thanks to friends and money, it made me realize all over again the importance of abundance, of shortness of time, and cultivating great relationships. I, of course, suck with at least one of the aforementioned things. Need to work on those. And no. No specifics. Like I told you yesterday, this involves others.

Few lessons for me from yesterday.

  1. While life is beautiful, it’s also fragile and unpredictable. Need to be able to learn how to live with it and adapt to the curve balls googlies that it throws at you.
  2. I need to proactively chase abundance and cultivate friendships. I have sucked at this all my life. Need to change that.
  3. Must meet more people that are FAR more resourceful than I. And truth be told, I am VERY resourceful. One of those self-brags that I am ok to make. Need to find better people. Connect me?

So that.

The highlight of yesterday has to be the time I spent in the car. I really really dig cars and roads. I was in the zone for almost all the time I drove. Even though this getting spaced out fucks the heads of people traveling with me (was evident yesterday as well), I think it’s worth taking their wrath. I mean road-tripping is probably the only thing that I am very very touchy and particular about. I want to be left alone. I want to not chat. I want my music and I want silence. I want cars to be spic and span. Roads to be smooth like silk.

I must write an ode to the road. Something that betters this TVC (The Road is a Friend) that Apollo Tyres made once upon a time.

In an ideal world, I will never share my road trips with others. But since I don’t have a car of my own, I am often forced to. Which is ok. Most people that I go on trips with are people that are ok with my getting spaced out. Grateful that I have them around me. Ok, too much incoherence in thoughts. Maybe sometime later. The number of things that I am pushing to later is like million-miles long.

Guess this is about it. A mountain of things to be done is staring at me. Time to go chip away at those. Before I go, here’s the streak…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 111
  • #aPicADay – 91
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 22
  • #noCoke – 22
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

310321 – Meditations

A quick post from the phone about why there’s no post today from a laptop.

0806. Somewhere in Andheri. I am writing this from a phone. So the formatting, spellings, narrative may be sketchy. But a post none the less. 

So the thing is, am not in front of a computer and I may not get access to one for quite some time today. Some shit has happened. Important enough to not open a computer. Ok enough to write the post from a phone. These posts are what makes me stay sane and grounded. I know no one reads these. No one cares about these. There’s no one who will miss if these stop going out. I thus need to do these for my own sake. And here I am.

I had decided that I will attempt a 48-hour fast from today on. But I couldn’t manage it. As I write this, have ordered a French Toast for myself. So clearly the emergency that I had is not a big emergency. I have to some day write a post about French Toasts. Maybe in book2. I’ll make it the favourite breakfast of one of the characters. #note2self.

So I was supposed to be fasting but I did not. I was supposed to be on a computer at a Starbucks and working. But I am not. I should’ve made a list of things that I’d do in this day but I don’t have it. 

For whatever reasons. 

Can’t talk about it on the blog. If it were me, I would’ve published but this is about someone else. And they may not appreciate this much opennesses. So that. 

Anyhow, as I write this, I realise, this writing on the phone may not be that bad after all. There are no distractions of a million tabs on the computer. There’s just this tiny screen and my thumbs twiddling on the slippery glass surface. And seeing the magic of ideas in my head appear on the screen, ready to be shared with the world! Fuck it’s a great time to be alive!

I don’t know though if I’d write on the phone everyday but I do now know that this is not a bad option to have for when I don’t have a computer! 

And with that, it’s over and out. See you guys tomorrow.

300321 – Meditations

Took me forever to write this one. I just didnt get the words. But thankfully, I managed some. I talk about things clouding my head.

8:00. Just woke up. I am groggy and all. The mind’s blank. I dont know what to write. Of course, a lot is happening and a lot is on my mind and a lot needs to be written and a lot needs to be published. But the mind is blank 🙁

Lemme try #freewriting.

A. Despite all my public outcry against the increasing number of cases in India and my concern that we are being stupid, I still went to Starbucks. And I will go again today. In a bit. Before 9ish. Multiple reasons – lack of space at home, non-functional AC, the need to have ambient noise while working (I need to come back home for calls that start at 1:30), etc. I just wish Starbucks offered closed rooms. I am getting a shared office in a few days. I have paid for it (and a lot of money, to be honest), in hopes that I will be able to use that place instead of a Starbucks. Let’s see how that goes.

B. I met a friend last evening, and I talked about my inability to work on #book2. I told her that I want this one to be an ode to Mahabharata and I cannot wrap my head around all the characters and their interplay. I have used tools like sticky notes, whiteboards, Roam, and whatnot, and yet I am can’t seem to write it.

She had a great suggestion – get someone to help write. I have tried with multiple “assistants” in the past. PM literally sent in prompts everyday. But I couldn’t make progress with it. So that’s not a solution. Guess the answer is to just pound on the keyboard till I make progress.

Wait, do I even want to write the book? The answer is, hell yes! The reason is that whatever validation I get from the world comes from the fact that I can attach the word author in front of my name. The world rewards output and action and finished things. WIPs don’t have any value. They are left to rot on the sidelines. Really.

I think I will get going with writing about book2 each day, even if it’s one word. I must start from today. Let’s see if I get inspired!

C. It’s 9:20 and I am at Starbucks as we write. It’s perfect! Almost any Starbucks outlet is. I just wish it was a tad cheaper. I mean they are free to price their products at whatever price point they deem appropriate and may be this just-out-of-reach premium-ness is what makes Starbucks a place that’s just perfect and you can sit for long at and get into the zone and work!

Plus, I like the idea of waking up early and getting a headstart when the world is sleeping. This time (when the world is asleep) is the time when I get the best work done. The entire A large part of #tnks was written in the 7 AM to 10 AM window. May be once I settle into a routine of sorts, I will earmark this time for work on #book2. Funny how so many thoughts are centered around book2 and yet I do nothing about it.

So that.

Before I go, here’s streaks….

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 109
  • #aPicADay – 89
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 20
  • #noCoke – 20
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

Wait. Here’s attempt at writing #book2. Let’s see how many words do I get in. I honestly don’t recall where I left the story. Let’s see what comes out. It’s 9:40. I will write till 10. Even if I have to type book2 multiple times.

“Its funny, Rujuta. At the core of it all, every argument – legit or illegit, fair or unfair, long or short, called for or uncalled for – is about two people taking two different sides of an idea. The idea could be ownership of a a property. The idea could be a political ideology. The idea could be as simple as the clothes you’d wear”, Ronak continued to stare into the sea and continued to deliver his monologue to Rujuta.

Rujuta could only nod at whatever Ronak had to say. Ronak reminded her of Tarana. She thought, it was about time the two of them met.

That’s it.
Like 2 paras 🙁
But theek hai. It’s a start.
See you tomorrow.

290321 – Meditations

I talk about how I oscillate between wanting to hang out with people and being alone. And more such contradictions.

6:51 AM, Andheri.

Back. Was at a friend’s place in Worli for 2 days. Had lots of inaction, saw a lot of films, ate a lot of food, met a lot of friends, slept a lot, indulged in a lot of inaction. Did a lot of thugging out, like I wrote yesterday. It was nice. I could get used to a life like that 🙂

And for some reason, was so spaced out that I had to be alone.

That’s the thing. I love people. I love hanging around them. I like the idea of talking to them and learning from them and feeding off their energy but for some reason, I need to be alone as well. To describe people like me, I used to use this term when I was younger – pseudosocial. I even had a blog about it back then where I would use the lens of value investing to learn more about becoming this extrovert that’s a closet introvert.

At the time I did not know what it meant.
But now I do.
And I think I am exactly that – pseudosocial.
Need to investigate this more as I go along.

The other thing that I realized is that I feel guilty when I dont work.

The work may or may not amount to a lot of output, but the day I dont spend 18 hours in front of my computer, I start thinking that I have wasted my day. Since Friday, I have been literally wasting time, even if I was meeting friends that are like family. I was. So, I had to come back to action.

And action could only happen at a place where I am alone.

Here is the thing. If I have to work better, I have to be with people that I do NOT know, if I have to get in the flow. Of course, I have this compelling need to be around people but if I have to do my work, I need to be with strangers. And I need places that are plush and AC is at 22 (no blower), tables are well-anointed, carpets are thick, people immersed in their respective work things. You know, places like a WeWork or a Starbucks. If I am with friends, family et al, I tend to get distracted and nothing ever happens. So that.

Ok. What else?

Yeah! I discovered music from Enigma yesterday. I don’t know what genre is the music but I do know that I loved their tracks. I have heard somewhere when I was a kid. I remember, in under-grad college, I even was part of a dance troupe (lol) where we would practice on one of the Enigma tracks. Bachpann se hi fighter ;P

I think this is about it. A shortpost.

Oh, I do have a mini-project that I want to take up for the whole of April, I will NOT post anything negative on these morning meditations. If you spot something negative, please DO point that out. This came out from a chat a few days ago with PM and his inputs on morning pages. Let’s see if I can improve this.

And here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 108
  • #aPicADay – 88
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 19
  • #noCoke – 19
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

Over and out. See you guys tomorrow.

280321 – Meditations

A straight from heart post about how I spent yesterday. And the epiphany about life I had after I saw a film!

7:42. Worli. I am at a friend’s place. Yesterday I thugged it out. I ate more yesterday than what I ate in the whole of the week gone by. I hardly did any work. Apart from the meditations, I did not do anything. I ate and ate and ate. Had almost a litre of ice-cream. Drove for a bit. Saw three films (in parts) yesterday – The Equalizer, The Fellowship of the Rings and Andaz Apna Apna. Lol. What choice! Met MG. Did everything I would do if I wanted to be a vegetable. And that’s not cool at all!

There’s a lot that needs to get done on the work front. There’s a lot that needs to get done on life front. There’s a lot that needs get on health front. On every front. I have some 90 tabs open at things that are mandatory reads. I have a few writing projects that need to be done. These writing projects are the ones that I need to get the izzat, money, independence and what not. And here I am thugging it. Damn, Mr. Garg! Need to course correct. This thugging will not get you close to any of your goals.

Anyhow. Enough of being harsh on self for taking it easy for a day.

So mumbai is breaking all the records that you can imagine and there are some 6000 fresh cases everyday. They are testing about 48K people everyday. So one in 8 is testing positive. And even though this is WAAAAAY off the mark, I am assuming that each day I meet 8 or more people, I am at risk. By that metric, I have been at risk for quite some time. I need to get into containment. I am not doing anyone any service by being this person that’s out and about! So, once I am back to Andheri today or tomorrow, I am locking myself into the house. Starbucks and work be damned. I need to find a way to adapt to learn in the pigeon hole of the house I have.

I don’t talk about it much I really think that one of the core things important to the sanity of people is access to personal space. In India, we don’t talk about it much – all of us grow with limited means, even more limited space and almost non-existent idea of personal space. We fill our houses with things that we need less than once a year and unknowingly become hoarders. One of my recent Instagram posts made me realise that I am an hoarder as well and that needs to change.

More about this someday.

So lemme talk about The Equalizer, the film. It stars Denzel Washington and in all its simplicity, its the story of a retired operative that is now working a menial job at a box store by the day and thanks to his insomnia, reads at a diner by the night. Something happens that brings back the killer in him and he goes on a rampage. While I can talk about the story, the acting, the plot, the arcs and I don’t know what all, I would refrain from that. I would rather talk about the impression that it left on me and what it made me pine for. After all that’s what films are supposed to do. Or all stories for that matter.

For starters, I want to have a secret superpower that allows me to bash a hundred people at the drop of the hat if they wrong me or others that I care for. Then I like the idea of me knowing a lot about a lot of things. I also thought it was a cool thing to be able to tap in to the reserves and outplay the nemesis.

The thing that I related to the most was Denzel’s role as a mentor that is always in the shadows. Each person that he interacts with in the film, he tries to get them to see a better version of themselves. The entire story is hinged on his attempts at helping people he has no emotional attachment with. The young sex worker, the middle-aged lady at the till, the aspiring security guard and his mother. Even when he is avenging the wrongs, he gives an option to the perps (did I just used the work perp? Too much Brooklyn 99) to admit the mistake, promise to not make the mistake again and walk away.

I AM EXACTLY THAT! I want to live my life like that! Help people. Make money

I want to be a mentor to a million people and let them bask in the glory. Right now, I am far from it. Right now, I am too human and I seek validation (only to get access to more opportunities). Right now, I am nowhere and leave no impression on anyone and I definitely dont have the resources to do anything specific. I need to think more about how I live my life and how I try to make that impact.

Only if I don’t thug it out 😀

Ok, on other operational things, I am told that the new theme on this website sucks. Will probably play around with it a bit over the next few days. And I will try and get some sense in my head.

Ok enough. Time to publish.

Here’s the streak.

  • Morning Pages – 107. If there was one day when I was going to miss the morning pages meditations was today. But here I am with the post. Yay!
  • #aPicADay – 87
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 18
  • #noCoke – 18
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

270321 – Meditations

A mundane update about how I am living, feeling, thinking and all that on this Saturday morning.

7:09. Andheri.

And we have a new theme. I got talking to a fellow planner (KS) yesterday and her inputs told me that I need to work on my website. And I agree. So, over the next few days, I will experiment with various looks and themes and so on and so forth. Let’s see how it goes.

The biggest news of yesterday is that I couldn’t manage the 48-hour fast that I had planned. I did about 38 and then I quit. I was not hungry, to be honest. I think it was the fact that I was “live-tweeting” the fast and every time I would put a tweet out, I’d think about food so much that I would miss it! Plus the survival gene probably kicked in – how can this body be starving and yet talking and thinking about food. The other thing that happened was that I was stressed and I had to eat to manage it. So that.

It was cool, to be honest, but when I broke the fast, I ate like a pig. Three full meals. In one go. And then some packets of chips. And then another. Damn. And was bloated to a point that I could not concentrate on work. I need to identify food that bloats me and stop having those. I also need to fix my water situation. I think I retain way too much water. Maybe I will log everything I eat and how I feel after that? How tough could it be? I am perpetually on my phone and it’s one more note that I need to make. No?

Let’s see. It’s too much effort but why not? I have to live long. And prosper.

The good news is that I can do these fasts at the drop of the hat. I just need to do them longer. And do them more frequently. My ideal state is when I’d be having 6 meals in a week. Let’s see.

And then add some sort of a workout in my plan. I also need to quit on all the tea I am having. The thing is, when I wake up, I am not tired. Neither am I irritable. But I know that I hardly get any sleep. I don’t think I get dreams. Dark circles and bags under my eyes are now as big as a Kangaroo has and I can have an offspring live under those. So that needs to be fixed.

What else to talk about?

Well, I am creatively stuck. At both work and non-work projects. At work, I cant seem to crack a simple presentation. I’ve been at it for more than 2 weeks now. On non-work projects (Aram Nagar, Films, book2, aPicADay, etc.), I cant seem to crack ideas that are interesting or inspiring. I know I can be that mediocre person and deliver whatever crap I can come up with. And more or less, people would accept it. Most things, projects, etc are waddling in mediocrity. But then how do I face myself after I deliver the work?

I think that’s about it for the day. The track of the day is Jagjit Singh’s Koi Fariyaad. Here. The plan for the day is to spend time with Surbhi. And try and work (remember those projects that I am stuck with?).

That’s it for the time being. Before I move on, here’s the streak…

  • Morning Pages – 106
  • #aPicADay – 86
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 17. Quitting tea as well. Even if that means I need to stop going to Starbucks. Moving to only water or lemonade.
  • #noCoke – 17
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0