Category: Morning Pages

300321 – Meditations

Took me forever to write this one. I just didnt get the words. But thankfully, I managed some. I talk about things clouding my head.

8:00. Just woke up. I am groggy and all. The mind’s blank. I dont know what to write. Of course, a lot is happening and a lot is on my mind and a lot needs to be written and a lot needs to be published. But the mind is blank 🙁

Lemme try #freewriting.

A. Despite all my public outcry against the increasing number of cases in India and my concern that we are being stupid, I still went to Starbucks. And I will go again today. In a bit. Before 9ish. Multiple reasons – lack of space at home, non-functional AC, the need to have ambient noise while working (I need to come back home for calls that start at 1:30), etc. I just wish Starbucks offered closed rooms. I am getting a shared office in a few days. I have paid for it (and a lot of money, to be honest), in hopes that I will be able to use that place instead of a Starbucks. Let’s see how that goes.

B. I met a friend last evening, and I talked about my inability to work on #book2. I told her that I want this one to be an ode to Mahabharata and I cannot wrap my head around all the characters and their interplay. I have used tools like sticky notes, whiteboards, Roam, and whatnot, and yet I am can’t seem to write it.

She had a great suggestion – get someone to help write. I have tried with multiple “assistants” in the past. PM literally sent in prompts everyday. But I couldn’t make progress with it. So that’s not a solution. Guess the answer is to just pound on the keyboard till I make progress.

Wait, do I even want to write the book? The answer is, hell yes! The reason is that whatever validation I get from the world comes from the fact that I can attach the word author in front of my name. The world rewards output and action and finished things. WIPs don’t have any value. They are left to rot on the sidelines. Really.

I think I will get going with writing about book2 each day, even if it’s one word. I must start from today. Let’s see if I get inspired!

C. It’s 9:20 and I am at Starbucks as we write. It’s perfect! Almost any Starbucks outlet is. I just wish it was a tad cheaper. I mean they are free to price their products at whatever price point they deem appropriate and may be this just-out-of-reach premium-ness is what makes Starbucks a place that’s just perfect and you can sit for long at and get into the zone and work!

Plus, I like the idea of waking up early and getting a headstart when the world is sleeping. This time (when the world is asleep) is the time when I get the best work done. The entire A large part of #tnks was written in the 7 AM to 10 AM window. May be once I settle into a routine of sorts, I will earmark this time for work on #book2. Funny how so many thoughts are centered around book2 and yet I do nothing about it.

So that.

Before I go, here’s streaks….

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 109
  • #aPicADay – 89
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 20
  • #noCoke – 20
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

Wait. Here’s attempt at writing #book2. Let’s see how many words do I get in. I honestly don’t recall where I left the story. Let’s see what comes out. It’s 9:40. I will write till 10. Even if I have to type book2 multiple times.

“Its funny, Rujuta. At the core of it all, every argument – legit or illegit, fair or unfair, long or short, called for or uncalled for – is about two people taking two different sides of an idea. The idea could be ownership of a a property. The idea could be a political ideology. The idea could be as simple as the clothes you’d wear”, Ronak continued to stare into the sea and continued to deliver his monologue to Rujuta.

Rujuta could only nod at whatever Ronak had to say. Ronak reminded her of Tarana. She thought, it was about time the two of them met.

That’s it.
Like 2 paras 🙁
But theek hai. It’s a start.
See you tomorrow.

290321 – Meditations

I talk about how I oscillate between wanting to hang out with people and being alone. And more such contradictions.

6:51 AM, Andheri.

Back. Was at a friend’s place in Worli for 2 days. Had lots of inaction, saw a lot of films, ate a lot of food, met a lot of friends, slept a lot, indulged in a lot of inaction. Did a lot of thugging out, like I wrote yesterday. It was nice. I could get used to a life like that 🙂

And for some reason, was so spaced out that I had to be alone.

That’s the thing. I love people. I love hanging around them. I like the idea of talking to them and learning from them and feeding off their energy but for some reason, I need to be alone as well. To describe people like me, I used to use this term when I was younger – pseudosocial. I even had a blog about it back then where I would use the lens of value investing to learn more about becoming this extrovert that’s a closet introvert.

At the time I did not know what it meant.
But now I do.
And I think I am exactly that – pseudosocial.
Need to investigate this more as I go along.

The other thing that I realized is that I feel guilty when I dont work.

The work may or may not amount to a lot of output, but the day I dont spend 18 hours in front of my computer, I start thinking that I have wasted my day. Since Friday, I have been literally wasting time, even if I was meeting friends that are like family. I was. So, I had to come back to action.

And action could only happen at a place where I am alone.

Here is the thing. If I have to work better, I have to be with people that I do NOT know, if I have to get in the flow. Of course, I have this compelling need to be around people but if I have to do my work, I need to be with strangers. And I need places that are plush and AC is at 22 (no blower), tables are well-anointed, carpets are thick, people immersed in their respective work things. You know, places like a WeWork or a Starbucks. If I am with friends, family et al, I tend to get distracted and nothing ever happens. So that.

Ok. What else?

Yeah! I discovered music from Enigma yesterday. I don’t know what genre is the music but I do know that I loved their tracks. I have heard somewhere when I was a kid. I remember, in under-grad college, I even was part of a dance troupe (lol) where we would practice on one of the Enigma tracks. Bachpann se hi fighter ;P

I think this is about it. A shortpost.

Oh, I do have a mini-project that I want to take up for the whole of April, I will NOT post anything negative on these morning meditations. If you spot something negative, please DO point that out. This came out from a chat a few days ago with PM and his inputs on morning pages. Let’s see if I can improve this.

And here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 108
  • #aPicADay – 88
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 19
  • #noCoke – 19
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

Over and out. See you guys tomorrow.

280321 – Meditations

A straight from heart post about how I spent yesterday. And the epiphany about life I had after I saw a film!

7:42. Worli. I am at a friend’s place. Yesterday I thugged it out. I ate more yesterday than what I ate in the whole of the week gone by. I hardly did any work. Apart from the meditations, I did not do anything. I ate and ate and ate. Had almost a litre of ice-cream. Drove for a bit. Saw three films (in parts) yesterday – The Equalizer, The Fellowship of the Rings and Andaz Apna Apna. Lol. What choice! Met MG. Did everything I would do if I wanted to be a vegetable. And that’s not cool at all!

There’s a lot that needs to get done on the work front. There’s a lot that needs to get done on life front. There’s a lot that needs get on health front. On every front. I have some 90 tabs open at things that are mandatory reads. I have a few writing projects that need to be done. These writing projects are the ones that I need to get the izzat, money, independence and what not. And here I am thugging it. Damn, Mr. Garg! Need to course correct. This thugging will not get you close to any of your goals.

Anyhow. Enough of being harsh on self for taking it easy for a day.

So mumbai is breaking all the records that you can imagine and there are some 6000 fresh cases everyday. They are testing about 48K people everyday. So one in 8 is testing positive. And even though this is WAAAAAY off the mark, I am assuming that each day I meet 8 or more people, I am at risk. By that metric, I have been at risk for quite some time. I need to get into containment. I am not doing anyone any service by being this person that’s out and about! So, once I am back to Andheri today or tomorrow, I am locking myself into the house. Starbucks and work be damned. I need to find a way to adapt to learn in the pigeon hole of the house I have.

I don’t talk about it much I really think that one of the core things important to the sanity of people is access to personal space. In India, we don’t talk about it much – all of us grow with limited means, even more limited space and almost non-existent idea of personal space. We fill our houses with things that we need less than once a year and unknowingly become hoarders. One of my recent Instagram posts made me realise that I am an hoarder as well and that needs to change.

More about this someday.

So lemme talk about The Equalizer, the film. It stars Denzel Washington and in all its simplicity, its the story of a retired operative that is now working a menial job at a box store by the day and thanks to his insomnia, reads at a diner by the night. Something happens that brings back the killer in him and he goes on a rampage. While I can talk about the story, the acting, the plot, the arcs and I don’t know what all, I would refrain from that. I would rather talk about the impression that it left on me and what it made me pine for. After all that’s what films are supposed to do. Or all stories for that matter.

For starters, I want to have a secret superpower that allows me to bash a hundred people at the drop of the hat if they wrong me or others that I care for. Then I like the idea of me knowing a lot about a lot of things. I also thought it was a cool thing to be able to tap in to the reserves and outplay the nemesis.

The thing that I related to the most was Denzel’s role as a mentor that is always in the shadows. Each person that he interacts with in the film, he tries to get them to see a better version of themselves. The entire story is hinged on his attempts at helping people he has no emotional attachment with. The young sex worker, the middle-aged lady at the till, the aspiring security guard and his mother. Even when he is avenging the wrongs, he gives an option to the perps (did I just used the work perp? Too much Brooklyn 99) to admit the mistake, promise to not make the mistake again and walk away.

I AM EXACTLY THAT! I want to live my life like that! Help people. Make money

I want to be a mentor to a million people and let them bask in the glory. Right now, I am far from it. Right now, I am too human and I seek validation (only to get access to more opportunities). Right now, I am nowhere and leave no impression on anyone and I definitely dont have the resources to do anything specific. I need to think more about how I live my life and how I try to make that impact.

Only if I don’t thug it out 😀

Ok, on other operational things, I am told that the new theme on this website sucks. Will probably play around with it a bit over the next few days. And I will try and get some sense in my head.

Ok enough. Time to publish.

Here’s the streak.

  • Morning Pages – 107. If there was one day when I was going to miss the morning pages meditations was today. But here I am with the post. Yay!
  • #aPicADay – 87
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 18
  • #noCoke – 18
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

270321 – Meditations

A mundane update about how I am living, feeling, thinking and all that on this Saturday morning.

7:09. Andheri.

And we have a new theme. I got talking to a fellow planner (KS) yesterday and her inputs told me that I need to work on my website. And I agree. So, over the next few days, I will experiment with various looks and themes and so on and so forth. Let’s see how it goes.

The biggest news of yesterday is that I couldn’t manage the 48-hour fast that I had planned. I did about 38 and then I quit. I was not hungry, to be honest. I think it was the fact that I was “live-tweeting” the fast and every time I would put a tweet out, I’d think about food so much that I would miss it! Plus the survival gene probably kicked in – how can this body be starving and yet talking and thinking about food. The other thing that happened was that I was stressed and I had to eat to manage it. So that.

It was cool, to be honest, but when I broke the fast, I ate like a pig. Three full meals. In one go. And then some packets of chips. And then another. Damn. And was bloated to a point that I could not concentrate on work. I need to identify food that bloats me and stop having those. I also need to fix my water situation. I think I retain way too much water. Maybe I will log everything I eat and how I feel after that? How tough could it be? I am perpetually on my phone and it’s one more note that I need to make. No?

Let’s see. It’s too much effort but why not? I have to live long. And prosper.

The good news is that I can do these fasts at the drop of the hat. I just need to do them longer. And do them more frequently. My ideal state is when I’d be having 6 meals in a week. Let’s see.

And then add some sort of a workout in my plan. I also need to quit on all the tea I am having. The thing is, when I wake up, I am not tired. Neither am I irritable. But I know that I hardly get any sleep. I don’t think I get dreams. Dark circles and bags under my eyes are now as big as a Kangaroo has and I can have an offspring live under those. So that needs to be fixed.

What else to talk about?

Well, I am creatively stuck. At both work and non-work projects. At work, I cant seem to crack a simple presentation. I’ve been at it for more than 2 weeks now. On non-work projects (Aram Nagar, Films, book2, aPicADay, etc.), I cant seem to crack ideas that are interesting or inspiring. I know I can be that mediocre person and deliver whatever crap I can come up with. And more or less, people would accept it. Most things, projects, etc are waddling in mediocrity. But then how do I face myself after I deliver the work?

I think that’s about it for the day. The track of the day is Jagjit Singh’s Koi Fariyaad. Here. The plan for the day is to spend time with Surbhi. And try and work (remember those projects that I am stuck with?).

That’s it for the time being. Before I move on, here’s the streak…

  • Morning Pages – 106
  • #aPicADay – 86
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 17. Quitting tea as well. Even if that means I need to stop going to Starbucks. Moving to only water or lemonade.
  • #noCoke – 17
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

260321 – Meditations

A quick post on insignificant things that could only be important to me! Such as rechristening of Morning Pages to Meditations.

7:51. Andheri .

It’s official. I am rechristening morning pages as meditations. I am not sure what Morning Pages was supposed to capture but I do know that these short posts that I write before I start my day are like meditations. Quite discussions with myself where I think by writing about things that are clouding my head. I talk about my fears and hopes and ambitions and ideas and thoughts and I am very very naked while I do that. This is what people like Naval and Marcus would call meditations. Probably. I am calling it these pages meditation. Took me just 105 days to do so ;P

So the COVID situation in Mumbai continues to be scary. Another day when we had more than 5000 cases. And yet I continue to hang out at Starbucks. I have one eye on the clock as I write this. I like the idea of an empty cafe, AC on full blast, and me pacing around while I think about whatever I am working on. Which is a lot of things ;P

The other thing that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about is this film that I wanted to make during the lockdown about those universal 36 questions that apparently bring people together (even though it has never worked for me). With the Aram Nagar piece on its way, I think it’s time I start thinking about the 36 Questions as well. Wait. Am I not repeating the pattern where I start a new thing before I finish an old one? Grrr, Mr. Garg.

In other news, I’ve been fasting since 1 AM of the 25th. So I am over 24 hours. I am thinking if I can manage to fast today as well, I will start Keto from tomorrow for about 2 weeks. If nothing else, it will help me lose weight. Keto works for me for sure. Everytime I’ve done it, I have seen results (only to gain the weight back) but may be this time it’s different? After all each day when you wake up, you get up with the hope that today is different. No?

This is about it for the day. I do have a LOT to write (I met a friend yesterday and she made me realize all the things that I do wrong and I need to work on those. I need to write about those, think on those and fix those). But not today. I need time to process (those inputs were pointed at the very core of who I am and how I operate in life. I need to either go on a drive or think deeply about those before I can being to put them in open. Need to take a few hours to write that piece. Let’s see when I get to do it. I may go for a drive with VG tonight. If that happens, I will get all the time to think about things.

Makes me realize how bad I want a car and the ability to take off without waiting for something, someone. Damn, Mr. Garg. Control your horses.

Chalo, gotta go. Before I go, here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 105
  • #aPicADay – 85
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0. Been fasting since 1 AM of the 25th Mar. So 24+ hours. Gunning for 48.
  • #noCoffee – 16
  • #noCoke – 16
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0.

250321 – Morning Pages

A quick post about ambitions, expectations, hurt, bitterness and COVID.

6:46 AM. I woke up a minute ago. Made my bed. Opened the window to the world outside and put on some music. I felt like listening to this one. And here I am typing this morning meditation.

Yeah, the morning pages need to be rechristened as morning meditations. That’s what these are. Thoughts from things that are clouding my head. For example, I slept last night thinking about how humbling the entire idea of life is. About how success is the only way you get to make great friends. About how the action (and not perfection) is what makes the world go round.

Something happened and I was fucked in the head last night. To a point, I thought I would quit things that trigger it. You know, social media. More than that, expectation from people. But then I don’t know if it was Louise Hay or Morgan Housel or Seneca or even Prof. SG that told me that all misery is in expectation. And once you stop expecting things, you are sort of free. So that happened.

The other thing that caught my eye is this tweet from PG. He postulates that people like me are “bitter and highly effective at realizing that bitterness.”

From Paul Graham. See this.

Now, I know that I am smart.
I also know that I am ambitious.
And I have yet to achieve anything, leave alone “very much”. If PG says such people are bitter, they ought to be. However, in my case, I am anything but bitter. Rather, this non-achievement makes me do more. Push more. Open more doors. May be, secretly I am. Maybe this bitterness is that part of my life that I don’t know that exists. You know, the ‘unknown self’ of Johari Window. So I need to think about it.

The other thing I am worried about is rising COVID cases in Mumbai. Now we officially have more cases than we ever had. More than when the pandemic was at its peak and we were banging bartans and lighting candles and chanting mantras and all that. Yesterday we had more than 5000 cases in Mumbai alone (out of 40000 odd that were tested). When you look at the number, it looks small, considering we have almost 2 crore people in the city. But when you juxtapose (I love this word) on people like me that are super-social (even if I am pseudosocial) that meet thousands of people, the risk gets real.

So that.

I think this is about it. There are more things that I’ve written on my echoChamber about the thing that I was fucked in the head about. Someday all of it will go in my biography. If I ever become someone whose story is worth telling the next generations. Lol. Everyone wants to be immortal.

Anyhow, that’s it for the short post. At some point in time I need to get back to writing till my heart’s full. May be when I actually start waking up at 5. Or when they start a Starbucks that opens at 5. Morning is the best damn time ever.

And here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 104
  • #aPicADay – 84
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0 (ate 4 full meals – damn stress eating).
  • #noCoffee – 15
  • #noCoke – 15
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0. I still haven’t been able to wake up at 5.

240321 – Morning Pages

Quick post on things that are at the top of my head. And what I am doing about those.

8:26 AM. Starbucks. I dont have a lot of time today to write a long-drawn post. This will be a short post.

First things first. Yesterday, I got myself a financial planner.

No, I don’t have a lot of money to invest, barely any, come to think of it. But I realized I need some discipline. And thus the planner. In all of yesterday, I opened an MF account, activated my stockbroking account, made a spreadsheet to track money, and a few more things. Took me an hour but I did it. If you are reading this and do not belong to the Ambani-Adani clan, you must do this. No, I am yet to see any benefit but I know it would be useful next time we have a COVID kind of crisis.

To augment what she tells me, I think I will read more and more about practical finance. You know, things like Rich Dad, Poor Dad et al. Like I said earlier. I am reading Psychology of Money. Lemme talk about it a bit. The funny thing is that there is NOT one thing new that this book tells me. I know most things that MH has written. Really. I don’t mean to be boastful. But I know. However, the thing is, despite knowing all that, I am poor. I am in debt. So there’s something wrong for sure. Maybe I just have the academic knowledge and I lack what it takes to translate ideas into action? May be combined with the financial advisor, I would see some change? I am hoping I will figure out soon. Maybe the importance I gave to the freedom of time needs to be coupled with knowledge and action about the importance of money? Lets see.

Talking of reading, I am also reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. This is again a self-help book and again, as I read this, I am nodding at every line and I think I know most of what she’s talking about. Lol.

Here’s a thing. I have oscillated on the two extremes about self-help books. There are times when I love them and recommend those to people. And there are times when I abhor them to a point that I scoff at people that I spot reading these books. I know, I shouldn’t do this but then that’s how I am.

The next I want to read is 48 Laws of Power. I had read it when I was a kid and I need to re-read it. This rereading was a project that I started with Anubhab. He’s read the entire thing but I did not even start. Need to action it. Once I finish either the money book or the life book.

After this, I think I will spend all of 2021 reading as many self-help books around money as I can lay my hands on. What books would you recommend? Repeat. Selfhelp. On money. You know, books like Rich Dad, Poor Dad, etc. #help!

To be honest, the only good thing is that I am back to reading. Last few days weeks months years, I hadnt read anything serious. Except long-form pieces on blogs and websites. Its so good to hold a book and carry it around. Like a companion. In fact, last evening I walked around with just a book. Just like the old times when I was far younger and far more hopeful about life and world and all that.

So that.

I think this is it. Oh, I did make some progress on various projects – Syndicate, SoG Grant, the Aram Nagar documentary. On the documentary specifically, let’s see if we can shoot some this weekend. I think it’s time to make a page about it on the website! No?

And, here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 103
  • #aPicADay – 83
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 14 . Lot of tea though, which I am assuming is better. I have to order something at Starbucks.
  • #noCoke – 14
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0. I still haven’t been able to wake up at 5.

230321 – Morning Pages

How these morning pages have sort of become a blog of sorts. And no, I am not complaining. Rather, grateful.

Read on.

7:04. Andheri. 8:39. Starbucks.

Even though I decide each day that I will work from home and not go to Starbucks, like an addict, I automatically move towards it. And this move is not a simple jab in the arm that gives me the hit. But requires me to wake up early, shit, shower, wear socially acceptable clothes, take a rick and then walk into one! I don’t think I’ve made this much effort for a date in a while. I don’t think I will make it either. Unless it’s Priyanka Chopra. Oh, forbidden fruit! Oh, things out of reach!

So, last night, I slept at 10ish (I think so), to be able to wake up at 5. And I did wake up at 5:15 types, only to go back to sleep. Lol. I will try again today. Let’s see. The intent is to wake up at 5, work on #book2 (lol) for a couple of hours and then get on with the day. Lol, wishful thinking. I am in that mood today, you know, where I want to, well, mock everyone. Starting with me. I wish I could be like this every day. Must investigate what has happened that I am becoming this!

Lemme list things that I did yesterday and see if I can see any patterns.

  • Ate one meal. I mean, I ate twice but in the 4-hour window. So that’s technically OMAD. Ordered from Bikaji and had chana masala. I love Indian, spicy food.
  • Had a few meetings and I was questioned in some. And in others, I questioned others. In toto, I would have spent about 6 hours in meetings (and thus, no productive work happened).
  • Made some progress with the Aram Nagar documentary with Mudit. Spent time walking around Aram Nagar. Connected with some people that can connect us with some people that may know more about Aram Nagar.
  • Played a LOT of chess. And lost a LOT of games. Lol. I need to quit it.
  • Did NOT spend as much time on Instagram. And did NOT stalk those #instacrushes.
  • Wrote an investment thesis (in the morning) for the Angelist Syndicate that I want to create with a few friends. Very early days right now. Let’s see how it goes.
  • Stayed away from the negativity imposed by constant comparisons with people that are more fortunate. Reminded myself what Dr. Peterson says – you don’t need to compare yourself to others but to what you were a year ago. I really think I have stagnated in the past year but my personal trajectory would be more or less upward.
  • Slept for 7 hours. Like a log. Did see some dreams but I can’t recall those.
  • Made some headway with SoG Grant.

I cant spot any. Can you? Let’s see how I am doing tomorrow.

Also, I realize that these morning pages are becoming more of a personal blog. Which is ok. The idea is to get in some words out every day. For a couple of reasons.

A, Keeps the writing muscle going.

B, Allows me to pour my heart out to someone, something (in absence of that significant other). I think if there’s one thing I can recommend to people, it would be that they need to write. In public.

Bonus C. It allows me to be more accountable to myself. As I know that what I write is on public platforms and anyone can look at what I am thinking and saying and call bullshit.

So that.

Ok, I don’t know what else to write. The track of the day is this. Saw this for the first time on the Instagram feed of an #instaCrush and while I’ve moved on from her, the track has been added to the list of my favorite ones. There’s another track am thinking of right now is Bocelli crooning Can’t Help Falling In Love.

I think that’s about it. Time to get on with the day and seize the fucking day. Oh, here’s the streaks

  • Morning Pages – 102. Now its a game on when I drop this 😀
  • #aPicADay – 82. Aim to do about 100. And then 365. Even on 9/22. Let’s see.
  • 10K steps a day – 1.
  • OMAD – 1
  • #noCoffee – 13
  • #noCoke – 13
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

220321 – Morning Pages

Short rant. Better ignored.

7:13. Andheri.

I just woke up and my eyes are groggy and all that. Nothing new with that. What is new is that I am not sure what to write. A lot has been happening with me and there is this general sense of overwhelm that’s shrouded me. Things both at work and personal level. Things at heart and head level. I dont even know how to report those here.

Anyhow. Moving on. Monday is here. That means the world is back to action. And that means I need to be back in action as well. And that means I will have a busy sort of a day. And that’s a good thing. I am thinking I will try and fast today and if I am busy, I can often forget about food and all. So that.

In other news, I made the first draft of SoG Grant live. Here. Read it if you want to and lemme know what you think. I will formalise it over the next few days and then roll out. This is one of those ways to pay it forward.

I dont have anything else to write or report. The head’s way too blank. Maybe I will write more tomorrow.

And, here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages – 101. I made a mistake in count. This is the 101th post for Morning Pages.
  • #aPicADay – 81
  • 10K steps a day – 0.
  • OMAD – 0 (stress ate multiple meals)
  • #noCoffee – 12
  • #noCoke – 12
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

210321 – Morning Pages

A longish rant on things that are fucking with my head. You may want to skip. You’ve been warned.

8:21. Starbucks, Versova.

This will be a rant. I guess a long one at that. Let’s see when I get around to writing it. The next engagement is at 1030 so I have plenty of time. Please bear. Skip if you have to. Shit’s happening around me and I need to talk to someone and there’s no one but this blog. Of course no specifics here. Will talk in as broad strokes as I can. I am listening to this on loop as I write this.

Lemme start with a simple metaphor that someone once told me (I think it was Hemant). He said think of a giant, spacious room bang in the middle of the city, next to a busy road. The room has floor-to-ceiling windows that give you an expansive view of the world outside. You can open those windows in the mornings to let the sunlight and the fresh morning air come in and make the place a pleasant one. But, if you forget to close those windows during the day, the freshness and the morning cheer will get replaced by the incessant honking of the traffic, dust, and grime from the world out there and may be some stench, some stink from the world beyond your house. Would you as a logical person, not close these windows when it starts getting noisy?

That!

I need to start closing the windows to my life and brain. Lemme elaborate. Thing is, I think of so many ideas, things, businesses, impact areas, and whatnot that are so forward-looking that it takes forever for those to reach a conclusion. Like it would happen with almost anything, with time, some most of those fall along the way (plenty of reasons – I am unable to keep up, the people I work with realizing that I am not the best partner, the timing is not right, I lose steam, I find a shinier object, shit happens, etc etc.). As a result, I often fail to close those loops. And thus, the metaphorical windows to my brain are left often. And instead of helping my brain get fresh air, I am left with the noise and dust. The windows need closing!

You know, I have often thought about myself being that person that had immense potential to do things that could change the world but I feel that I am not living upto that with what I do. I merely hop from one thing to another and along the way I leave behind unfinished projects, half-baked ideas and unfulfilled promises to the world, friends, connections and myself. When I die (which I hope is not before I am 120), I would probably look like that sculptor that has a million unfinished pieces in his repertoire, each with a potential of becoming a David. It would be such a crime that I would waste all the potential. Assuming I have the potential.

I mean I can focus on one thing, one statue that goes onto outshine David and others of the ilk but my magic, my method, the madness comes from trying new things, new experiences, talking to new people, seeding new ideas, seeing new possibilities, and well, chasing the new shiny toy. Lol, the number of times I used “new” in that sentence has to be a world record of sorts.

So, I dont want to stop creating new things, opening new doors. After all, each thing I have in life is a result of all the million shots that I take without any purpose or anything. So that’s not stopping.

What I will do is try and close each loop window that I open in a predictable amount of time. Or once I reach some sort of conclusion. Or when I know the time has come to move on (which is tough to know to be honest). But I will close for sure. I think I have written about this earlier as well on one of the SoGs (I think). Let’s see if I find a link when I come around to editing this. Can’t find.

Also, while I will close all the new loops, new projects, new ideas and all that going forward, I know I cant roll back time to undo all that I should’ve done. I’ll see which ones I can. Even if they aren’t that many.

This is also a good time to tell myself to revisit Dr. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life, a book that has been like a ‘bible of life’ of sorts for me. The funny thing is that a lot of intelligent, aware, educated people don’t agree with him. But to me, he makes immense sense and everytime I read it, I take away a life lesson from it.

The antidote to the shit in head, I think the rule that is most pertinent is about setting my own house in order before I try and change the world.

I mean I do want to change the world and each thing I do is from that lens but since I am unable to close the ideas, the loops and other things, I am unable to make even an iota of dent.

I think this is about it. No, I am not any lighter since I started writing this. But I do know that I have vented out and I can move onto the next things. Like Dr. Peterson says in Rule 6, I need to take responsibility for the misery that has been inflicted upon me by my actions / inactions. Here on, I shall take responsibility and put the house in order. I have to play a role in helping the world become better.

Ok enough. Time to get on with the day. Here’s streaks.

  • Morning Pages – 99
  • #aPicADay – 80
  • 10K steps a day – 1. The monthly average is 9K steps. I’ll see if I can take this up to 10K by the time month ends.
  • OMAD – 0 (stress ate ice-cream late night). Trying to fast today. Though I am tempted to stuff myself with food.
  • #noCoffee – 11
  • #noCoke – 11
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

Over and out.