July 2021 | aboutSG

310721 – Morning Pages

Today’s post is about walking, discipline, work, gifts, photos and other random things. Read on!

7:35. Woke up a few minutes ago. I feel ok as I woke up. There’s a lot going on in my head. And I can’t pinpoint any of it. I mean there’s work that needs attention. There’s money that I need to find for more projects that I want to cook. There’s people that I am responsible for. There’s nails that I need to clip. There’s all the food that I am eating that I must avoid. As I type this, I am craving some random food. And as soon as I am done writing this, I know I will step out and order so much that I will be sleepy. And then I would curse myself for eating. I mean I know myself well. Funny humanness 😀

Ok, so quick recap of yesterday.

Did about 17K steps. Walked up to Bandra (Popley’s showroom). And then took a rick back. So +1 on that.
I ate three means. Including ice cream and dal makhani and roti and all the jazz. So -1000 on that.
Saw this documentary about some great art heists over the last few years. It’s so fascinating that I want to retell these stories in #book2. I mean there could be a character that knows about the world of art and that could inspire the heist that I am planning in my book. No? Let’s see.
Did some work but I continue to lag on all the work that I am supposed to be doing. Like crazy. I hope I can cover some backlog this weekend.
I am recording a couple of episodes for Marketing Connect. So that should be cool. There’s nothing like talking marketing at a relaxed pace with other marketers that have interestined perspectives to share.

So that.

Coming back to steps. As of writing this, I am at 83K steps for the week. My goal is 110K steps. Let’s see if I can push and do 120. Looks unlikely with all the work and unwinding I need after a longish day at work. But let’s see. You never know. I may as well do it.

Thing is, the rigor and discipline I’ve shown with walking every day, if I can do the same with my calendar and tasks and work and other things, I would be in the same league at Elon and Jeff and Bill and Steve and all those. It’s just that I am unable to do it. I mean it’s just the walk. I am not even doing Surya Namaskar. Or push-ups. Or anything else for that matter. I know the long-term advantages of things. I know that my time is limited and I need to find better use of that. I know that I need to make money and try and become debt-free. I know that I need to earn to support all the dreams and ambitions of people that work with me. I know the deeper purpose, the higher reason, and all that. And yet I am not disciplined about things.

Ok. Rant. Anyone has any fixes here?

Lemme change tracks. Yesterday was hot. AF. I dont know what changed but I was sweating more than I would on regular days. I was more tired. The old tees that I wear pricked me as they used to in Delhi summers. I felt suffocated even without the mask. Was it more humid yesterday? Was it hotter? I think I must find a colder place to live in. You know, like near the poles? Maybe if things dont work out this year, I will go live higher up in the mountains. Lol, wishful thinking.

Wait.

I just realized that once I have my lunch, I dont really work. I merely while about and kill time. Maybe I should plan and fix all my meetings at this time? Good idea! As in, do all the work in the first half (from 8 AM to 2 PM). Have lunch. And then do all the meetings from 3 PM onward. Good idea. Will try to implement it from the next week itself. All my co-workers, beware!

So that. Oh, I may get to drive a car (VG’s) to Delhi. Towards the end of August as I wrap my house. I’ve always wanted to do a Mumbai Delhi road trip. And take pictures. And write about it. So that’s cool. Plus, it would help to take my mind off things, think about what I want to (which is a lot). And ship some things that I want to park in Delhi (specifically, some paintings that SG2 left behind). Looking forward to it. Most probably, it will be the weekend of 3-4-5 September. More than a month. Let’s see how it goes.

Before I end this post, I have to write about Nappa Dori. It was a friend’s birthday a few days ago and I ordered a small passport holder for her. And I put a message along with. You know, am a writer and all that! So while the order took more than 10 days to deliver (not everyone is Amazon), when it did get delivered, the way they had gone about it was superlative. To a point that I have become a fan of them for the rest of my life. Yeah, they are expensive. Yes, they may feel like overpriced gifts for rich people. But all we are, to be honest, is mush balls. And if a gift (or anything else for that matter) can’t make you feel good about things, what’s the point? So, Nappa Dori, you guys have my heart. And patronage.

And finally, as I end this, here are some pics that I clicked through the day yesterday.

I wish I couldve taken a better picture of this.

Wait. I love the coffee one so much that I will repost it. Here.

Love this one. Would’ve made it to my Instagram if I were active there.

So that’s about it from today’s morning pages. See you tomorrow. Here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 142
#noCoffee – 0
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 7
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2
Morning Pages / Meditations – 232

300721 – Morning Pages

Quick dump on whatever I have on the top of my head.

6:09. Up! Feel surprisingly ok even though I did not sleep for too long. Legs hurt – I think it’s all the walking I’ve engaged in. Like yesterday, I did 21K steps. The last 3K steps, I had to call a friend and force her into a conversation with me so that I don’t get bored. So, if there’s something that keeps my head engaged, I can walk for like, forever! I just need to be able to add more to the routine. You know, breathing, pushups, yoga, etc. And stop eating kachra. Yesterday I had three meals and some 5000 calories. I mean whatever I am losing by walking, am piling more! Sigh!

Coming back. The highlight of the walk was when I spotted this building called Sholay. Really. Like the film. I couldn’t take the photo as some people were standing right there and it would be intrusive to their privacy. Found this on the internet. Source here. See…

🙂 Damn the power of films! And here’s the photo’s source.

Anyhow. So, in other news, I am back on coffee. And I don’t want to not admit but I enjoy the taste. Far better than green tea. And thanks to all the walks I am engaged in, it probably doesn’t stop me from sleeping well. So that.

Oh, I am also off FB. I have to stop embarrassing myself by trying to act cool on a platform that I don’t understand. The experiment lasted a few days but I am glad that it’s over. I do get bored at times and want to check what’s on Twitter or Insta. I do want to share all the thoughts that I have (like I want to post a scathing rant about Lucky Ali on Twitter) but I think between this blog, the echochamber, and altsaurabh, I am ok.

In terms of work, the book I am helping edit / write is finally off to the publishers of their inputs. This marks a closure in my head. It could come back with more inputs from the publishers but then that’s cool. Edits are ok. Life is like that. Stages and all that. So that’s cool.

This also means I have one less project to work on. And this means I have the bandwidth to take more. Know of any people wanting to hire a writer? Or a marketer? Or a brand manager? Or someone like that?

I also saw this ad on Youtube yesterday where Lucky Ali was promoting White Hat Jr. Damn old age. Forcing legends to support shitty businesses. I don’t think I can blame Lucky Ali per se. He may not understand what he’s pushing. It’s probably his managers that are to blame! In fact, brings me to another rant. The talent management business in India is broken. There are companies like Kwan and Exceed and all that but they are literally booking agents more than anything else. They merely block calendars and act like the rude elder brothers that no one wants, no one likes, no one cares for. They don’t think from the talent’s brand perspective. They don’t think of longevity. They don’t know how to build brands that could go beyond the next month’s calendar. Damn. This has been a rant forever. I wish I could fix it. The mere thought makes me sad.

Ok. Deep breath. Not my monkey. Not my circus.

Today looks like an easy day. I need to churn out a presentation before 10 (which should be easy enough if I reach Starbucks by 8 and work on it without distraction for an hour or so). I need to then deliver that at 2. And then a couple more things that should be manageable. And then some smaller pieces. So there’s some work but should be ok. The thing is, I am still exchanging my time for money. And this is neither sustainable, not right. Need to find ways to make money when I sleep. Any ideas anyone?

So yeah. That. Two things on the top of my mind all the time. A. Eating better and adding workouts to my routine. B. Making money while I sleep.

And as I end this, here’s streaks.

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 141
#noCoffee – 0
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 6
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2
Morning Pages / Meditations – 231

290721 – Morning Pages

Recap of yesterday. Thoughts about today. Thoughts about attempts at becoming financially free!

6:51. Woke up a few minutes ago. I think I slept well. I had two dreams that I cant recall p[properly but I know in one, there was Rana Sir giving me some dope about a new client I am pitching to. And in the other, I had a negative dream about some MF client. Otherwise, I feel rested and ok. So that’s a good thing.

Yesterday I was at the beach and I remembered Goo Goo Dolls and I was haunted by the images from the film (City of Angels) that featured that track. Look at this.

I mean I was at the secluded beach per se and there were people sprinkled all over the beach. Each busy with their loved on. Or with their friends. Or something. I just couldn’t get the image out of my mind. I think I need to write a post on that. If only I had the time! #parkedIdeas #toWrite

I also walked some 17K steps during the day. I think I am on track to doing another 100K steps this week. The 17K I did yesterday were in two sets (2K and 14K). It helped that I had a few work calls and I kept going. The good thing was that while walking, I clicked a few pictures.

Here are a few unedited ones.

I wish I could get better at this. I mean I can make great frames. I just need to find how to edit better! Can’t wait to get back to Instagram and bombard the world with these pictures.

I have stopped Yoga altogether. I am not even attempting push-ups. Apart from the walk, I am not doing shit. I have learned that I need external motivation to do things. Damn it sucks. And since I am at self-loathing, I am eating a lot. And yesterday I had to fast and I ate three meals. And all ordered from outside. I think I can control this part for sure, if not other things. Let’s see how it goes.

So anyhow. That’s the recap from yesterday.

Today is probably going to be a good day. In the sense that I dont have too many calls planned during the day. I know as the day progresses, things would change and people would demand my time. But I remain committed to controlling my time as much as I can. Let’s see how it goes.

A thought that popped into my head yesterday was that I need to become an influencer for sure. In the traditional sense. And in the non-conventional sense. The deal is, being an influencer gives you a reach that anonymity can’t. And it gives you opportunities that you otherwise would not get. I was talking to someone yesterday and she mentioned that they had used a stand-up comic for a medical brand. Imagine a person who knows how to crack jokes doling out advice on medicine. Ludicrous. But true. Just because she’s an influencer. So that.

I know I dont have what it takes to become one. You know, looks, gift of gab, ability to make conversations, lot of time, narcissism et al. But I know what I have. The desire to be financially free. And I think the path to that is either via a business that works when you sleep. Or your reputation, that works for you while you sleep.

Yeah. For me, influence = reputation.

Naval captured it best in this how to get rich thread. If you haven’t read that yet, here.

How to Get Rich (without getting lucky):
— Naval (@naval) May 31, 2018

So yeah. That.

Oh, I have a recording to do today for the Marketing Connect podcast. I am recording after a few weeks and I am looking forward to it. Let’s see how it goes. The issue would be to get the steps in after the recording. I mean it takes me 2 hours to get in 10K steps and if I finish the recording at 8:30 or so, I will need to be out till 1030 and with all the strays bugging you at all corners of the city, I really dont want to. Anyhow. Let’s see how it goes. If I cant even get the steps in, I should quit the ambition of Everest someday. And closer, the EBC.

Guess this is about it for the day.
Time to get ready and head to Starbucks.

Here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 140
#noCoffee – 0
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 5
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2
Morning Pages / Meditations – 230

280721 – Morning Pages

Some crazy thoughts from a day when I cant seem to concentrate.

8:45. Woke up at 7:45. Right now at Starbucks. Lemme show you the view that I have right now.

From the vantage point of where I am sitting at this Starbucks.

Ya, that laptop is not more than 6 months old and looks withered. That is coffee. I am tripping on it for 2 days. Enough with ghaas ka paani.

So, here’s things that are at the top of my head.

A. When I woke up, I was more tired than usual. Probably walked too much. Probably stressed too much. Probably it was all the food I ate yesterday. Oh, I would have had some 5000 calories yesterday, if not more.

B. I can’t seem to concentrate at all. I don’t know what’s wrong. As I am writing this post, I am thinking about my relationships. When I am delivering a presentation, I am playing chess. When I am showering, I am thinking of ideas. When I am walking, I am on the phone. And all this after I’ve seen Dandapani videos like there’s no tomorrow. So clearly, there’s no effect on me. Need to think about it. Let’s see how or when.

C. I am not proud that I have moved to FB. Without any Twitter, I am not making any connections. Without any Instagram, I am not getting inspired. And FB sucks. I can’t put my thumb on what’s wrong with it but there’s something terribly wrong with FB as a platform. It’s making me do things that I typically would not do. I mean I am adding random people as friends and then am getting into small talk. I mean I do that on Twitter and Insta as well but that’s more to do with appreciating someone’s work or something cool. But on FB, am being exactly what I don’t want to be. I am also getting sucked into conversations that make no sense. Like this writer wanted help with his book. He wanted people to review. I volunteered. And then he sends me a long-ass message saying that he would only send the book if I agree that he can sue me if I plagiarise it. I am like, WTF!

D. Been writing a prompt a day for PPP for the last few days. Here’s the prompt for the day. “You are a cop and you recently read a story about a gang of art thieves that specialize in stealing figurines from remote temples. You need to lay a trap and capture the gang. How would you go about it?”

E. The road to EBC is looking harder with each passing day. I am not working at all. The only thing I have remained consistent since I started tracking is the walks. I think it is because I don’t need to put in any additional effort to walk. Plus it allows me to see the scenery. Wait. With that argument, I should be able to run /jog as well. But for some reason, I can’t seem to!

So yeah. That’s about it. Moving on with the day. Here’s streaks.

OMAD – 0. Ate like 5000 calories yesterday.
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 139
#noCoffee – 0. Been having coffee last two days.
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 4
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2
Morning Pages / Meditations – 229

270721 – Morning Pages

Did not have a lot to write today. Wrote a disjointed post about things on the top of my head.

6:30. Up a minute ago. I have fogged eyes, sore body. I think it’s because of all the walking I’ve been doing. No, I am not doing anything. I had plans to do push-ups, yoga, Jal Neti, stairs and I dont know what else. But for some reason, I am not doing anything except walking. There has to be a deeper thing at play here. I mean why am I willing to endure sore legs and blisters in my toes and I am shying away from other things? Maybe because walking around allows me to see the world outside? Maybe there’s a change in scenery? Maybe it’s effortless? I dont know. I will have to think deeper. Let’s see when.

So I have some disconnected thoughts from here on. Lemme use bullets.

A. Jetha (one of the coolest young people I know that is also very ambitious) decided to start a periodic letter to his connections. He says that I have inspired him. I am not sure though. Each person knows inherently what they want to do. And how they do those things. People like me only show the path. It’s the choice of the recipient if they want to walk on it.

B. While I was thinking about relationships and how to make things work, I stumbled upon an idea. If and when I get into another one, I think I will gamify it. I mean any relationship is a lot of hard work. But I am learning that someone like me needs to put in all the more hard work than others. I have very high expectations from life and thus from my partner. And of course, I am willing to do a lot – I hope I do. I mean others can only tell. Looking at things from my lens, I think I will only spot good things.

C. The initial excitement about EBC has now waned off. Now it’s the rigor needed to get there. You know, working out and all that.

Wait. I have covered this already when I lamented that I am not doing enough. Must buckle up. Because once I am up there, I will probably not have anything to fall back on.

D. I was watching something on Youtube (or was it Facebook; yes I am spending a lot of time on FB) and I saw this lady making a castle with a form board. I think it reminded me of that one large project that I want to pick where I do things by hand. You know, solve a big jigsaw, create a painting (even though I am not a painter), make a table. Something. Where I see tangible improvements on a day-to-day basis. And I use my hands (rather than just brains, like you do in a book). I really want to pick a project like that.

The thing is, however, that such a project goes against the ethos of having a house full of things. Even to make a jigsaw, I need to have some space in the house where I could lay the pieces out. If I have to make something, I need tools, paints, colors, and whatnot. So, this goes against the very ethos of what I want to stand for – you know, minimalism.

A few days ago (160721) I had decided that I will keep a running counter with arguments in favor of and against minimalism. I had said,

Wait. I have an idea. I will keep a running score of arguments in favor of and against minimalism. By the time I come back to Mumbai (after Diwali), depending on where the score is, I will move in that direction. So, the in-home chef is against minimalism. I am at -1 on that.
Wrote on 160721.

So, I add another -1 to the streaks. Let’s see where I end up once I am back.

E. Here’s a photo from yesterday. The only one I took while walking. I was out and about for more time but this is the only one I took.

An unplanned shot on the streets where I was telling friends about a sale at Ikea.

So that. I dunno what else to write. Time to get going and get started with the day. Here’s streaks…

OMAD – 1
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 138 (I will start with this soon)
#noCoffee – 0
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 3
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2
Morning Pages / Meditations – 228

260721 – Morning Pages

I talk about how I am lagging on the road to EBC, some gyaan I doled out about writing and some random rant.

8:46. Starbucks, Versova. Woke up late. Slept late. I am playing too much chess. No, I am not good at it. No, I dont like it that much that I am playing it all the time. Just that I play chess instead of scrolling Instagram and Twitter mindlessly. You know, mind games :D.

The dark clouds dont seem to dispel. I know it will heal with time. I know time will take its own sweet time. I know I need to remain patient and wait for acchhe din to come back. I just hope they come back soon.

So, that.

Ok, the road to EBC is not smooth at all. Here’s my progress from the first week when I started thinking about it seriously.

The first few days were good. And then the next 3-4 were all downhill. In terms of what I am doing (eating!) and not doing (working out / walking etc). Apart from the walk goals, missing on all others. Need to pull up the socks. I don’t want to die on the mountain!

The only silver lining would be last night when I walked 24K steps (to complete 100K in the week). I think there are two things at play here. And I have to mention those.

A. AnAg created a group with a few friends on an app that tracks the steps that each person is putting on. I use that app to give competition to myself and that helps me do better. I’ve realized that I am hyper-competitive and I must keep this lesson in mind. Damn, this social proof is a thing!

B. I happened to hear Disha talk about her experience as a triathlete. And then she talked about other women that are mothers and yet find the time and energy to be competitive triathletes. She wrote a book about their stories. Here. I heard her talk while I was walking and I told myself that if there are people that can battle personal issues, societal biases, lack of money, and all that, why can’t I put in the 24K required to reach 100K!

I wish I was this competitive about making money. Or about using my time judiciously!

Anyhow. Moving on.

I spent some time with a few young writers that are helping me put a content engine at Podium. While talking to them, I realized yet again that I am a coach material than anything else. Or may be I am not and I am merely rationalizing? I dont know. But it was great fun to give gyaan. Here are the top three things that I told them…

a. Create a sacred space that you use specifically for writing. This could be within your house. Or could be a Starbucks. This space should not be mixed with other activities (specifically recreational) and each time you enter the space, you get in the zone. Think temples, churches, mosques etc. Each time you enter, you know you are now expected to behave in a certain manner.

b. Make writing your bitch. Simple. Inspiration must strike you when you want it to. Not the other way around. An easy way to do this is to ensure that you write every day. I picked this from Julia Cameron. And today is the 228th day on the trot that I have published a piece. So, clearly it works!

c. Don’t write to impress. Write because you want to express something. If you think words are not flowing, assume you are writing a longish message to your best friend. Or a colleague. Even if it’s a regular update on how the coffee today sucked, you better write. Plus, you should be ok if no one reads. The intent is to not get read. The intent is to write. Publish. The audience is the unintended side effect. Of course, at a point, you want the audience as well. But for the time being, write for yourself.

So that.

Guess this is about it for the day. Need to get going with things. This week is a busy one. And no, no photos from yesterday to show off. Should’ve clicked some.

Here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 137
#noCoffee – 0
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 2
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -1
Morning Pages / Meditations – 227

250721 – Morning Pages

SG’s shades of grey.

6:45. Just like the last few days, I woke up once again with this sense of sadness and tinge of melancholy in my head. I believe I am a strong person and if going thru what I am going thru is hard for me, I can’t imagine how it would be for a common person.

Nothing seems to be interesting. Or exciting. Not even watching Taarak Mehta, leave alone those complex films with characters that have shades of grey. Grey. Or Gray. Or whatever it is. That’s how I feel. Maybe I am not getting enough Vitamin D. Or B12. May be I am not getting enough human connection. Maybe I am not getting enough money. Maybe… I mean I dont even know what is lacking in life. I mean I know what is but I cant seem to pinpoint and get an antidote. I feel grey. Feeling blue, if you will.

And it’s affecting how I live. And who I am. I am eating like a pig. I have fallen off my exercise. Whatever little I do. I am avoiding friends and people I know. I was supposed to go for breakfast with a friend of 18 years. I skipped it. I am not delivering at work. I have book to edit. I have a deck to make. I have some emails to send. I havent even checked my emails in 2 days. Things are lagging behind. I am not honoring my commitments. I am being a dick to people that care for me. If they do actually care and not just faking it. I dont even know who’s for real and who’s not. Parents, yes. SG2, yes. M, maybe. Rest I dont know. Everyone can see that I am slacking. It’s affecting my relationship with those people. Wait. I am not being a dick. I am merely aloof. Dont think people care if I stay away. They havent told me if they do. Thing is, I am painting myself in a corner. I am running fast on the negative spiral that is probably at the rock bottom and there’s this dark abyss that seems to go as deep as the globe itself.

I dont know how to fix things. I dont know who to talk to. And what to talk about, if I get to talk to someone. Even if I found someone, I won’t know what to say. This blog, this morning page is an attempt to talk. And yet I dont know what to talk about. I mean can’t pinpoint. I just feel blank. You know what I am saying? I can’t afford a shrink. No fast cars for me. Fuck fast. I dont have a car that I could just take off on. And even if I had, where would I take off to? The roads are fine but then apart from the feeling of escape, I am not sure where I would reach? And why would someone care?

As the self-help, self-care, self-preservation measure, I have probably seen the whole of youtube that talks about Buddhism, Taoism, Stoicism, Nihilism, and all the other -isms. Even Dandapani’s videos aren’t helping. I’ve read about the stages of grief and I am probably between denial and catharsis. Of what, I am not sure. I know time will solve whatever is affecting me. I just need to get thru this phase. I know this too shall pass. I know nothing lasts forever and these ebbs and flows are part and parcel of life and death.

I hope soon.

Anyhow. Lemme try to get some cheer on these pages. Lemme try and write about good things from yesterday. There are a few, to be honest, but let me try nonetheless.

A. I found a Starbucks that was accepting customers.
The one at the airport. I went there and found a comfortable chair and table that did not wobble. That in itself is an achievement, considering how busy these outlets can get.

B. I heard a full podcast after a while.
On PradX’s recommendation. This one. Got some interesting ideas. No, despite the interestingness, I am not in the position to absorb those. Or react to those. Or act on them.

C. Wore shoes.
Trying to get used to the idea of feet stuck inside other things. Walked almost 18000 steps. As of today, I am at some 76K steps for the week. I would have loved to clock 100K steps for the week. But looks unlikely. Maybe next week.

Oh, while walking, took the jetty across to Madh and walked about for a bit there. Even though it’s 15-20 minutes away from all the hustle and bustle of Mumbai as a city, it’s still a village. I think Madh could be a good place to live. The only challenge is that it’s way too far from public places that I typically hang out at – Starbucks, Airport, M’s place, etc. I will think about it once I am back after Diwali. If I am back. Yeah, I am strongly considering quitting Mumbai. Even if my dreams of films and fame and bank balance can only happen here. Actually, I am at the place in life right now where I want to quit every damn thing that defines me. I need a fucking reset button.

D. Here’s a new thing.
Each day I will upload a selection of photos I click during the day. And write a line about those. Here are two from yesterday.

Shot from an empty Starbucks. At some point in time in life, I will want to have a place with decor like a Starbucks.

So yeah, this is about it I guess. Just a few good things. All forced. In attempts to get some sanity going in my head.

Anyhow.

I need to get going with the day. Which means I will go park myself at the Starbucks at the airport and work. At least pretend to. And then, maybe, try to.

Let’s see how much I can. There’s a lot open at my end. Can’t continue to slack for too long. Whatever I have is because I have worked hard and have proven to be a reliable person to work for.

I just hope I am back to being destiny’s child again where doors open for me and things happen without me trying real hard. Inshallah soon. I’ve had enough of this greys and sadness and mediocrity and all that. Pray for me, if you do.

Here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0. For the second day on the trot, ate so much crap that I’ve undone all the good work that I did in the first few days. I am already hungry. I will see if I can skip food today.
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 136
#noCoffee – 0. Had coffee yesterday. Maybe that’s why I couldnt sleep?
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 1. Walked 17K steps.
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -1
Morning Pages / Meditations – 226

240721 – Morning Pages

Thoda sad post. Maybe very sad. Read with caution. Please dismiss this as a rant of a sad man.

6:18. All the good work that I did in the first 4 days (3 actually, if I ignore the break) went to the gutter yesterday. I had a day where I was so buried in work that I did not get to make health the priority. I was working till late and then I ate carbs after 10 PM. I did not go for a walk. I did not do pushups. I did walk up to my house. I did nothing that would make me proud. I even wasted time on Chess and twitter (I stay away but did browse the website) and other such websites. Even though I spoke to V, I still am as spaced. I have absolutely no clue what to do about this instability in the head and this randomness that I am afflicted with!

Anyhow. I will try and pick up from where I left. Let’s see.

I have a lot to do on the work front. I plan to spend the day at the airport Starbucks, you know the one that’s open on the weekends. I plan to carry my shoes when I go and then on the way back, I plan to walk back. Let’s see if I can.

Even on the projects front, there are quite a few things open. Need to work on those. Hope I get those done.

Here’s a thought that just dawned on me while I was writing this. I think I am burying myself with work and random things to escape from things that are clouding my head and heart. I am sort of running away. From the house I live in. From the relationships I have. From the current life I live.

Thing is, I’ve always ran. Away. Metaphorically. And always to an unknown place. Of course, I can’t get away from a lot of things, some people are now part of me forever. Some things now have come to define me. Some relationships are as important to me as breathing is. In fact, this burying into non-stop work is probably my way to cope with whatever is happening with me on the inside.

I think I need to get stronger in my head. I also think I need to get away once again. Probably go live in a place where I don’t know anyone and there are no chances of any encounters with anyone I know. I tried that with Goa last year. No, it did not help. May be a move to another country? Lol. Or maybe I should just quit everything I am working on and go become a taxi driver or something. And read with whatever little time I get on the side.

I actually don’t know. Thoda muddled hai. I think I will let the thought stay in my head and maybe the answer will pop up. I just need to ensure that I, as Joseph Campbell said, follow my bliss. Maybe this struggle to stay sane and stay focussed and stay on the path is the reward in itself? Maybe this life where I continue to strive to look at larger things is the very reward that my life will get? And now that I already have, why bother seeking affirmations and validation from others?

Kind of dark.

Ok, an epiphany happened. While showering. Funny how many good ideas come in when I am in the shower. Funnier how little time I spend in the shower. Must take longer baths. Anyhow. So epiphany. I was thinking about the email that I want to send to Anjum Sir about Toofan. While I was thinking about it, I wanted to be polite when I ask him questions. I realized that may be, just may be, I know more than him? Of course, I am being a mere critic. And I am assuming that he had control over the script even after the production started. So this is when I realized that may be my destiny, my bliss is not in actually doing things but enabling others to do. You know, like Anjum sir. Like Drona. Like Mickey. Like other such illustrious teachers.

May be I was sent here to enable others.

And not that I haven’t tried to be that coach to others. I have in the past work with countless people as a friend, coach, mentor, etc. And with a few more with deeper engagement with projects like TRS, PPP, GP, and more.

Clearly, I have been ineffective with those. I mean none of those is a roaring success. They do ok but none of those has gone on to become an Arjuna or anything. They remain far from self-sustenance. I am glad they don’t need my intervention on a day-to-day basis but if I stop the funding, they will probably die.

I know that in a few years, they would be really big in terms of their impact and reach and money and all that. I hope I am there when that happens. They are literally my life’s work. The people that work on these are like my children. My babies, my creations. Instead of bearing kids with my DNA, I have given these all that I have. And more. More than I’d probably give to any other offspring in the future. Even M. Guess I am done with it. For the time being. Till something shakes me.

And no, I am not taking credit for their success. If they fail, I am indeed responsible but if they succeed, it would be an outcome of their hard work. aNd I know each of them will become large roaring successes. I hope soon. If not soon, then I know, in a few years. These things take time.

Ok, I digressed.

The point was, maybe my bliss, my raison d’etre is not making it big. But helping others make big. Maybe I need to accept that I will live in anonymity and poverty and I will help others make money. Maybe with this awareness, I need to change how I think, how I imagine, how I plan, how I evaluate myself, and how I work?

May be.

Let this mince around in my head for a few days.

Here’s the streaks though.

OMAD – 0. Ate like a pig yesterday 🙁
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 135
#noCoffee – 4
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0. Walked literally 0 steps yesterday.
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -1
Morning Pages / Meditations – 225

230721 – Morning Pages

A quick note about my love for aaloo. And a shortpost on how I spent yesterday.

7:43. Woke up late. While sleeping, I got late with work. Too much to be done in too little time. Even though I had decided that I will focus on health and nothing else but the thing I was working on is not regular dal roti work. Rather it is for the future and I am hoping it will bear fruit someday. So that becomes important.

However, I still slept 8 hours. So that!

Also, yesterday I took a break from working out. Lol, working out. I just do Surya Namaskars. And I call that workout!

So, I did not do SNs. But I did walk 12K+ steps and did walk up 19 flights of stairs. And I ate one time. And oh man, I ate like a man out of famine. Sandwiches, Upma, aaloo. Man, I love aaloo. I hadn’t had it in a while and loved the taste. I think it’s the best damn thing to eat. After rice. I know at some point in time in life I will quit both these all together but they will remain my favorite food and I will miss em.

Moving on.

I have to boast that while I was walking around last night, I was very tempted to order Egg Rolls and Samosas and Rice and all from various places that are my regular places to order from. I almost walked in. I even told myself that I will reward myself with em if I walked 12K steps. And like the 5-year old that could delay gratification for marshmallows, I did walk 12K and yet I delayed the gratification!

A very big win for someone like me who is very fickle with my concentration and decisions.

So that.

Oh, I finished watching Toofan yesterday. And I can see why it hasn’t done well. I think the way they positioned it (a boxer’s story), is where they went wrong. If they had positioned it as a love story, under the guise of a man’s search for respect and validation, people would have seen it independently and all the comparisons made with other “boxing” and sports films wouldn’t have happened. I plan to write a letter to Anjum Sir to ask about this thought. I hope he responds to the letter and makes me wiser.

Also, I had a hard hard day yesterday in terms of personal space. Life hasn’t been kind in terms of relationships and I don’t know what to do to fix those. More on echochamber.

Just that I was distracted with what I am doing at LHV. Grateful to AaGe and AnGo. Without these guys, I wouldn’t be doing an iota of things I am doing on LHV. Plus the call yesterday with one of the prospective companies was fascinating and looks very promising. Need to scale the effort on that front. Let’s see who that goes.

So that’s about it for the time being.

I am not thinking about anything, to be honest, but not eating crap and doing as much as I can do to get in shape for the EBC, which is in less than 2 months. Time to go do those 12 SNs before I start the day.

See you on the other side. Oh, and, here’s streaks…

OMAD – 1
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 134
#noCoffee – 3
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 4
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -1
Morning Pages / Meditations – 224

220721 – Morning Pages

A short post on what I did yesterday. Not much to be honest. But a post none the less.

8:27. Woke a few minutes ago. I slept at around 11:30 last night and my body was probably so tired from all the workout I did. Lol. Workout. Walking 10000 steps. Mr. Garg is funny.

Anyhow, I just woke up and I think I will rest it out today. I will probably just walk around.

So here’s a recap of the day that went by. It was a chutti for most people but I worked more than I do on other days. It was an ok day, to be honest. But on the road to EBC front, I climbed up 19 stories. 8 in the afternoon, 3 to a friend’s place, and another 8 once in the evening. Walked 17000+ steps. I could do it as I decided to take a work call while I walked. I must do it more often. Any calls post 6 are to be taken while walking unless you need to be on camera. Today, at 6, am supposed to be on camera :D. But right after that, I will go for a longish walk. Even if it’s raining. I have found my groove with walks in the rain!

So, yesterday, I wrote a difficult apology mail to a friend that I started a business with but I couldn’t do my part. It’s one of those red spots on my CV. I start projects and I stop those but most of those reach a point where they stop making sense. This one, I did not even put my head or heart to after a point. I even ghosted the friend. And this is very very unlike me. In the sense, I like to face issues and take em head-on. I don’t run away from work-related problems. Rather, I try to find a solution and then I try to ensure that those mistakes are not repeated. With this one, I did none of these. I did what I hate the most – run away and hide. I am sorry for how I conducted myself with it. The sad part is that I can’t do anything to fix it. Apologies don’t make sense when a lot of water has passed under the bridge.

No, the load is not off my head.
No, I did not fix what was broken.

But I did face my fear and acknowledge that I was wrong.

So that.

Apart from this, met Aditya Save for a walk. He gave me a lot of inputs on where I lack as a professional. The highlight was that if I choose one of the things I am working on, I probably will scale it to a point where I will be financially free. I don’t agree but I will think about it and let’s see how this goes and what I conclude. Even if I were to focus on one thing, I don’t think I have the luxury to focus on just one. I make my money by juggling multiple balls in the air, while I am perched on a unicycle on a tight rope a million feet above the ground.

Towards the end of the day, I saw some more of Toofan. As I see it, I can spot some obvious errors. Will write a post about those. And maybe a letter to Anjum Sir. Not from the perspective of correcting those. But from the perspective of knowing why Anjum Sir thought those things would work. He must have thought those things would work. Let’s see when I get around to it.

So yeah. This is about it from yesterday. I am hoping to not work out today, except for some walking. Or stairs may be. If I change my mood towards the evening and go some Surya Namaskar, it would be a bomb!

Here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0. Had chocolate at afternoon and some soup at around 10:30 in the night.
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 133
#noCoffee – 3
#aPicADay – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 3. Did 17K. Yay!
Surya Namaskar – 3
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -1
Morning Pages / Meditations – 223