Hemant Gupta Archives

Wk 33-25 – Weekly Notes

SG’s weekly notes and updates. For the week 33 of 2025.

Hello!
1 PM, 17th Aug, 2025
Versova Starbucks.

The week gone by was a moderate one. It was a week with a lot of chuttis and thus there was less chaos on the roads (except the one caused by Dahi Handi). Plus, it was after a while that I was in Andheri West for three days on a trot.

I did some work (at Meru we shipped our first thing). I played some (Krishna was visiting). I had some brainwaves (thought hard about where I want to be in life) and all that.

Overall, an interesting week.
Will talk more about it in a bit.

Oh, I am listening to this as I write.

Ok, let’s go.

💭 Highlights, reflections and notes from the past week

PS: As always, these are not in any order.

A/ AI and the creative business
I can talk about this from three lenses – personal, Meru (as a brand owner) and C4E (as a partner to brands).

As Meru, as we scale the business, we need to be able to do more things and fast. Faster than I can say fast. And AI allows us to do that. I know there’s halluciantion, mistakes and all that but I need to imagine that as a brand owner, where do I want the penny to drop – at speed, at quality, as perfection. So that.

At C4E, the team has to adapt fast. Not because it will question the survival but because it will enable to do more.

On a personal level, I can now become hyperproductive. For example, we started to train Heygen on my face and words. Here are the first two outputs.

PS: All the work on this has been done by Vishal. I merely recorded it. I know this is not perfect but we will get to it with time.

Lemme know what you think.

B/ Smart Folders on Apple Notes
Accidentally discovered Smart Folders on Apple Notes and I think my life will change!

For context, I use Apple Notes as my temp notepad (apart from a pen and paper based notepad) and each weekend, I clean my notes by adding things to my Roam. I also use Apple Notes to save recurring things for fast and easy access (I may not have my laptop with me all the time but I do have my phone).

So when I needed things, I would often rely on search and then waste time. With Smart Folders, I am able to sort of bookmark things that I need faster access to. And for someone like me who leans a lot on notes, bookmarks, tools and people for details, this was a godsend thing!

C/ Notetaking workshop
Oh, and I took a notetaking workshop for a couple of young kids who’re gonna join college soon.

I didnt want to do this (I think that old methods of taking notes are no longer valid) but one of my seniors from MDI insisted and I couldnt say no to him.

While I did that session, I realised that I love to teach people. I just wish I was able to earn a lot of money doing that. I mean I can earn. I can charge a lot. But then my ethics dont allow me to charge from the ones who can’t pay. And the ones who can pay wont probably need me.

So that.

D/ Krishna
Krishna was in Bom for a couple of days. Each time I meet him, I am left inspired to do more. The guy literally went from being a cloth trader to a full-stack developer! A remidner that I must surround myself with more doers and people who want to stay with the times.

And I must become someone that a Krishna would like to hang out with.

E/ Off Insta. And failure.
I had decided that I would be off insta for a few days.

I could stay away for all of 2 days.
The addiction is real!

To solve for it, I’ve asked AK to loan me the spare iphone that we have at C4E. Let’s see how it goes.

F/ Meditation before a meeting / Grounding
In one of my coaching sessions with FOXO, the person asked me to do a one-minute grouding exercise to get into the mindset for the meeting. I find it funny cos when I come into a meeting, I come with 100% intention.

But then, Hemant recommends this as well. And I want to follow each thing that Hemant says. So, thanks to reinfrocement by the session, I will start doing this. A one minute breathing / grounding exercise before each meeting.

Lets see how the experiment goes.

G/ Punjabi MC
Listening to this as I write.

I really want to posture that Punjabi MC has to be one of the greatest artists of our time. Each time I need some energy, I put on something from Punjabi MC. Shinda, Mundeya tu bach rahi, Punjaban, Morni and many many more. I just wish I could dance alongside. But then I have two left feet.

H/ SG’s Braintrust
I have this WA group where I only add people who I…

have personally met (IRL or online)
respect
want to stay in touch with
am inspired by
want to learn from

Right now, this group is admin only. Very little chatter. I mostly use it to share things to get inputs, seek connections, throw ideas to see what sticks and other such things. This group has people across ages and locations.

I want to now expand this group. If you know me, lemme know and I will add you.

So, this is it for this week.

I know there should be more. Like I said, this was an easy week but the action and words and updates don’t match. Will fix this as we go along!

📷 Some Photos from the week gone by

Here are some photos from week 33. The highlight photo has to be…

I dont know the source. This came on one of the whatsapp groups that I am a part of. And yes, I know this is technically not a photo.

Not too many pics to be honest.
Was one of the weeks where I just didn’t have enough to save or share.

🈺 The LARGE objective from the week gone by?

I had two large things when I started this year. Book 2 and a yearly plan (that I’ve been writing for a long time. This year I couldnt). Last week I added health.

Book 2 – no action.

Yearly Plan – I dropped it a few weeks ago.

Health – I had a fairly ok one on health, except yesterday when I fell off the radar. I track my health updates here, in case.

☑️ So, what did I get done last week?

This is a one-line report on progress I made on various things that are important to me. I will only talk about things that I got done. Shipped. Not WIP.

Health
Meru
C4E
Brand SG
People (Family, Friends, Strangers, etc)
Book2
Shauk (Music, Films, Poker etc)

Health. I did ok on most departments except workout. Yesterday was bad. But I can ignore it. A 0.

Meru. We finally shipped the first iteration of the first product (of the many in the pipeline). It’s live at elevate.merulife.com. So a +1.

C4E. No action from my side. 0.

Brand SG. No large action. But like I mentioned, I did do some experiments with Heygen, thanks to Vishal. You can see here and here. So, a +1.

People. No action on this.
I’d say 0.

Book 2. Lol! -1

Shauk. No action. No time.
And I am not losing sleep over it. So a 0

So the overall score is 1.
Finally in positive after a while!

📊 The tracker from the last week

Here is the tracker for the week gone by.

What trends do you see?

To me, this looks like a regular week in the life of a regular man. Some good days, some bad days, some good food, some bad, some walks and some not so walks. Guess this is the point of life? No?

Random update. Listening to some Afro-Techno Mix. This one.

🏃🏻‍♂️‍➡️ Health

I added Health as a key section some days ago. I am still discovering what to cover here. Let’s see how it goes.

I will start with updates on what am doing for health. I read somewhere that you need 4 things to live long – sleep, exercise, diet and community. I will track all four. And then some more variables that I feel are important to me. Let’s see what comes out.

So…

Sleep
Exercise
Diet
Community
Crowdfunding my health.
Movement (this should be part of exercise but I have a separate section)
Meditation
Some links: My food log, my daily health log channel.

Lets go…

1/ Sleep
The week gone by was fairly ok. I have realised that I get 6 to 7 hours of sleep and most days I wake up without an alarm. So that’s ok.

Plus, on a day-to-day basis, I want to make my sleeping environment better. I cant fix the noise (I literally live on the road) but I can manage other things. And thus I am iterating with those. I cleaned my humidifier yesterday. I may not need it as long as it’s raining. Will play with it over the next few days and see how it impacts sleep over the next few days.

2/ Exercise
I still can NOT work out.
I tried yoga but all I got was 1 Surya Namaskar before I decided to quit.
However I’ve been fairly consistent with the walks. See 6 below.

3/ Diet
I track each thing I eat on my food log.
I think I am eating better (except one or two off days – and I need to stop with these). But the funny thing is, my weight is not reducing!

I’ve been consistent with walks (and these are deliberate walks) and I eat in moderation (at least the last few weeks) but the weight is not changing. Sigh!

4/ Community
I seem to have found some friends and colleagues who I can hang out with whenever I want to and however I want to. I dont have any pressure of dressing up, drinking up, going to a certain kind of a place or doing whatever. I can be at my weirdest extreme and I am accepted.

No, I dont want to jinx it. Will work hard to preserve it.

5/ Crowdfunding health
Last week I said, I want my 1000 true fans to help me get healthy.

And I have two backers already. Both of them have committed 10K for 3 months, starting September, if I can show them that I can be under 90 KGs in this month. But, we are beyond the H1 of Aug and I am 92! Sigh!

6/ Movement
I am walking more than 8K steps everyday. Since the 6th of this month! See this…

7/ Meditation
I want to restart on this.
Specifically after I got that lesson in grounding aLets see when I get to.

Apart from these, I will talk about what I am thinking specifically about health

A/ Streaks is a powerful thing
If I’ve walked approx 1.4 lakh steps since 6th Aug, it’s only because of my want to keep the streak going. I think if I can implement this streaks thing at more places in life, I would have a better one.

The other thing that has worked in my favour is that there is this community (almost all are strangers) who’re pushing each other to walk more. I see updates from others and I want to walk. And that’s insane!

B/ Papad
I need to find a way to stop having Papad 😀

C/ Proximity to Kachra
When I am at work at Meru, we are all snacking non-stop all the time.

Ok that was exaggeration but you get the drift. There are 10 people in the room and each person gets hungry at a different time; and since we are a small team, each time someone is hungry, they offer what they’re eating to everyone else. And thus, I find myself eating all the time. And since most of these are snacks we order via Qcom, these are chips and all. Even “healthy” chips are made with oil and all.

While at home, I dont stock any snacks anymore. I have infact some leftover protein bar that we made last week. So, I am snacking better when I am home.

I can clearly see environment in action. And I need to fix this. Let’s see how I do this.

📖 Interesting Reads / Views from the last week

PS: I had added YT to my “reads”

Here’s a list of interesting things that caught my eye. TBH I’ve not read all of these (had a randomly busy week) and I’ve added these to my TRL. I am dividing this section into two – one where I’ve read those (I will add a context) and the ones that I havent.

So, I’ve read…

This piece by Samarth Bansal. Very honest, very vulnerable. More than anything else, it makes me want to join TWT and work for them. Jokes apart, each “leader” must read this. Very very interesting. And very well written. Like I said on X, if there’s one thing you read this month, let it be this. PS: If you do read this, please share what you learn from this.
This post by Sahil Bloom. My number 1 takeaway was that most people don’t know what they want.
Bigotry of Low Expectations. Read here. Mihir told me about this in a meeting. When I heard it and thought more about is, I saw my mind bend!

Here are others that I’ve not consumed but have opened a tab for.

Tim Urban’s Last 6 Years.
Rahul’s tweet on how OTT is killing India’s ₹12,000 crore cinema industry
Gurwinder on how social media shortens your life
MFM on chasing a billionaire’s morning routine. Here.
Harnidh’s piece on Taste. Here.
Charlie’s 12 Rules of Life. Here.
Impact of Internet on OCEAN. Here. PS: Take OCEAN, Big 5 Test for free here.
Niraj’s list of things to do to reduce risk in India. Here.

🧠 Reminders from last week

This section captures things that I want to not forget. I add those to SG’s Office. I will copy paste these week on week and track updates.

Again, skipping this. Will get back to it at an opportune time.

🥡 So, one thing that defines the past week?

Grind.

Oh and in the previous weeks, the one-word reviews have been… Blur, Stress, Numb, Blur, Fast, Uncool, Disappeared, Experience, Grind, Busy for Nothing, Regular, Getting back to action, Slack, Busyness, Action, Survive, Looking Up, Survival, Taste, Community, Respect, Money, People.

—
Phew!
Lemme know what you think.
See you around.

Oh, and this too shall pass!

PS: This series of posts is inspired by Thej and his weekly notes. The previous editions are here: 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07, 08, 09 (missed), 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 (missed), 16, 17 (missed), 18, 19, 20, 21, 22 (missed), 23, 24 (missed), 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32

PPS: Please do point typos.
Grammarly is not working well and I don’t have energy to cut paste edit this in some other spell check thing.

PPPS: In case you see me being inconsistent in anything – work, writing, reviews etc, PLEASE do point out.

Wk 08-25 – Weekly Notes

Notes from the 8th week of 2025.

This one comes from Bangalore.
And I am listening to this as I write this.

So, I had decided that I will not take flights this year. But I took one. I have talked about why I did that. And oh boy, am I glad I took it! I missed that entire grind of cheap yet comfortable travel, seeing new things, meeting new people, and observing things. The curious cat old man in me is thrilled!

Must reconsider the decision to not take flights. The largest reason for not taking flights is that it fucks with the routine but at least I’ve been consistent with my daily tracker. And if I can be ok with that, I think I can add other things (food, yoga etc). Just that I will not be able to travel light. And that’s ok.

Ok moving on. Here’s my update.

What I was supposed to do in the week gone by. And my report on the same.

A/ 2025 plan.
This remains open. I will work on this someday 😀

Vivek often calls it the State of the Union. Lol!

B/ Health
I took my weight before I left for Bangalore (I was 89 KGs). I will measure it again once I am back. While I am here, I am being mindful about what I eat and how I eat and all that. I am also walking a lot more. It helps that I picked a guest house near the client’s office.

I am yet to fully assume the identity of a healthy person but it’s WIP. Last night I was craving for a pizza. But I replaced that with chips etc. Lol!

Like I said last week, my health will be my north star.

What did I get done this week?

I am adding this here from this week on.

At this point, the following things are important to me (I know too many but…) and these are IN ORDER.

Health
C4E
Brand SG
Startup (this may take up C4E’s place in the list)
People (Family, Friends, Strangers, etc)
Book2
Shauk (Music, Films, Poker etc)

I will give a one-line report on things I got done. Done. Shipped. Not WIP. As I go along, I will add more to this but today, one line update.

Health – Walked an average of 9K steps this week. Meditated twice this week. At some point, will add yoga and muscle-building things.

C4E – In Bangalore to meet a client. Put in the process for the team to work without me. So far, we seem to be ok with it. However, we’ve not been stress tested yet. C and F seem to be doing well with it. On the Labs piece, the website is live. AK is leading the team of BK, SJ, KA and others and shipping things. So that’s cool.

Brand SG – I am a lot more visible on the internet. Thanks to AK in large. I also kickstarted the Cockroach podcast. We call it The Optimists Manifesto. Read more about it here. The idea is to talk to people who’ve survived despite everything around them!

Startup – Helped team get ready for launch. There’ve been hiccups (new team and all that) but learning!

People – Did nothing.

Book 2 – “Wrote” a few chapters with the help of Claude. Shared some of those with the beat readers group (in case you want to help me, join this).

Shauk – Nothing on this.

I will also make a tracker on this.
Oh my love for forms and trackers ;P

The tracker from the week that went by.

Here’s the tracker from the week gone by.

Look at the averages column. Highlights…

I am incredibly stoked that I averaged 10K steps. Subendhu averaged almost 12K steps in the last year. On the YTD, I am at 8900 steps. I need to be able to beat him. Let’s see how it goes.

I also added meditation. I haven’t added for the 23rd (today).

Finally, sleep seems to be at a 6-hour average mark. I’ve tried everything but I am unable to get more than 6 on average, unless I am tired. Once I start with the workouts, this will probably go down. Let’s see.

Some Photos from the week gone by

Here are some photos.

This one is a mix of app screenshots and photos that I took.
Nothing special to be honest.
If you see something interesting, please let me know.

Interesting Reads

Here’s a list of things that I read / saw / consumed that left an impact on it. In some cases, I went and stirred up debate in my network.

Here’s a list. In no particular order.

This video on Instagram – link. Hits you in the gut about how you let go of your life.
Blume’s Annual Report – link – yet to read it. I typically take a print and read this. Yet to do so.
Buffett’s annual letter is here. Again, yet to read.
This tweet. I want to grow my account as well! Only for this reason (access)
This thread on Reddit about how people in Nepal are building a video editing agency. Must replicate this in India for C4E.
This post by Ankush Datar on legacy. And why it’s overrated.
Ian Chappell retires from writing. Love such writing!

Highlights, reflections and notes from the week.

In no order…

A/ People Business
It became evident that at C4E, we are not an agency. We are in the people business! Over the week, met multiple people and held multiple conversations where this was reaffirmed. What we do at C4E is communication but we are in the people business. As Pradeep San often said about Gravity – we are in the business of saving jobs. That’s a separate story for another day. But at this time, we are in people business and we need to reorient ourselves to that.

B/ Hemant and Gokul
The two of them are different as chalk and cheese. And yet both of them are very very intriguing and inspiring. Each time I spend time with either, I am amazed at the capacity of a human mind to think that much. The other thing that is common to both, is, that their ideas are dense and the depth of their thoughts makes it tough for an average Aman (like me) to comprehend their ideas. I wish I could find a way to make their thoughts more accessible to the world!

Wait.
Who’s permission do I need? A lot of their inputs are in the public domain. Why can’t I start repurposing and talk about that in my words, on my blogs. What say? And, any volunteers?

C/ Sur
This dawned onto on Saturday. I am seeing C now run the business. I have played a tiny part in her life and now I need to find a way to not get into her way. More on this on my roam. But had to be captured.

Why Sur? Well, read this to find out.

D/ Poker + Writing + Teaching
One of my lifegoals is to be on the road, meet people and never worry about money. Sometime in the past I had imagined that I would be able to become a professional poker player (touring the world, playing in tourneys), teach at various colleges (while I am on the road) and write about my experiences while I do first two.

It’s great on paper. Except that I don’t have poker skills. And I have tried to learn and yet I am not good. Something in the week gone by reminded me of this goal. May be I will put a deadline on my life experiments and pick this up. May be when my parents are gone, I will become a full-time hippie traveller. A bald hippie.

And no, it’s not easy to imagine a life where my parents are not around.

E/ Ego in action
I saw my Ego in action. On at least two occasions. One with an old client. One with a potential client.

Must prevent this.

I don’t want to get into too many details (clients or whatever) but what I did was wrong and I shouldn’t have been told by my team to not do this. I know that some time this will come and bite me in the back but I must check this.

PS: I also saw my humility in action 😀
I will not talk about this.

F/ Manas Ayare (linkedin)
Met this boy at a Starbucks. Spotted some crazy stickers on his laptop. Got talking. And then from there on, one thing led to another. Now, his company and C4E are offering a workshop!

AK is leading this from C4E. Here are the details.

G/ Nakul Kumar (Cashify)
Met Nakul for dinner. And it was incredible. Each time I meet him, its incredible. Got so many lessons. The biggest one is that I need to build a process-first company. So far we are not. There’s more. On my Roam.

Oh while I was there, I bumped into a classmate from MDI. Each time I meet him, its at a lounge, a restaurant etc. Love these serendipitous meetings.

H/ Other things that I want to capture but I may not spill too many words on those.

Must build media! The new podcast may be helpful.
Must invest more in young people.
Gave a 10K INR grant to a 16-year-old. SoG in action!
Saw this news about Tyreplex. Reminded me of xTyres.
This one by Bri is nice. I wish I had this clarity at the age of 19. Or whatever her age is.
Talked to Dr Malpani. Inspired to do more. Especially his idea of building an ecosystem of startups in India.
Got access to NeoSapien. Playing with it. Let’s see where we get with it.
I love eggs!
I cleaned by followers / following list on X, Insta and other places. I am getting more mindful about how I curate my conversations.
Removed the cover from the new phone. TBH, I don’t like it much. But now that I have bought it, I am with it for a year at least. And then we shall see what to do with it.

Guess this is it.

So, one large takeaway from the week?

In one word?
Taste.

I’ve read, thought, and talked about it so much that it’s funny. In fact it has spilled from various conversations over the last week as well. But taste it is.

The close second is community. But at this time, I will stick with taste. I even recorded a podcast on it. Here.

For context, last week, it was Respect. And it was Money and People before that.

—

Ok!
This is it!
Lemme know what you think.
Gotta go.
See you around.

Oh, here are the previous editions: 01, 02, 03, 04, 05, 06, 07

PS: This series of posts is inspired by Thej and his weekly notes.

250821 – Morning Pages

Quick post on tabs pandemic, people, proximity, photos, pains of traveling in Mumbai.

7:43. In shelter. I am here till about 11. Have a few calls where I need to be in a silent, quiet room and defend a case per se. I can’t really take calls from Starbucks. I am thinking, the days I am gonna be in Delhi, I would not have a quiet room per se. I do have a separate room per se but I am not sure how quiet it is going to be. Let’s see when we reach there.

So the largest thing, on the top of my head, is the pandemic of unclosed tabs. I have some 1200 tabs open that need work on. I mean not open per se but the ones that I need to act upon. I dont even know how to close those. Some are videos to be seen, some are things to be read, some are things to do. I dont know what to do about it. I am in that circle where I open tabs like my life depends on those and then keep pushing them back. Any solutions anyone?

The highlight of the day has to be the walk on the Versova beach with AdiSave. We talked about life, work, projects, and all that. And then a quick meeting with SJ and him. We talked about TRS, the future, and all that. I love such meetings, such conversations. I love the idea of sort of planning where I want to be. And then actually making things happen that take us there. Also, I love these in-person meets. There’s something about being able to see someone from up close that a Zoom call does not cut.

Oh, and here’s a pick from the walk yesterday. I think this is among the best pics I’ve clicked in a long long time.

Tell me when you spot the guy. He was supposed to be the focal point 😀

The thing is, I could meet Adi Sir cos he lives close by. It’s not really walking distance but I can meet him fast enough if required. I also called Rana Sir. He lives far from where I am and thus it was a phone call (and not an in-person meeting). I spoke to Hemant Sir about things. While these phone calls are awesome, they’re not really my thing.

In fact, I wish everyone I care for, lived within walking distance from me. That’s the thing. At a point in time, VG made plans that all of us friends must live together as grow old. I am not sure if that will pan out. Let’s see if it does. I just hope it’s not in India. And if it is in India, it has to be a beach. Or mountains.

Actually, I can’t do a laidback life. I would want to be bang in the middle of the action! So let’s see.

What else?

Oh, I sat with SJ2 the other day and gave him dope on what to do in case I dont come back from EBC. I dont want to be the guy that leaves a mess behind.

Of course, I ate kachra like a man coming from a famine. No, not a good thing. But I can not seem to control what I eat and how I eat and where I eat and all that. I need to figure out a solution to this food problem. Ok. Here’s a promise. I will make another attempt at a 48-hour fast from today on. I had the last thing at around 1 AM last night. So I will try to eat the next thing on the morning of the 28th. Let’s see if I can manage.

Today looks like a longish day with a few meetings, few calls, and a lot of other small errands. Like I said, the first one is important enough for me to stay back and not go to a Starbucks. So that.

Guess this is about it for the time being. More tomorrow. I have to travel to Lower Parel tomorrow and need to stay there till 7:30 PM at least. Bummer. Dreading it already. The good part is that I have a train pass / ticket and that means I dont have to get stuck in the traffic. In the morning, it’s anyway ok. The evening is what I am worried about. Chalo let’s see how it is.

Oh, before I end, here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 167
#noCoffee – 10
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 1385
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2
Morning Pages / Meditations – 257

210321 – Morning Pages

A longish rant on things that are fucking with my head. You may want to skip. You’ve been warned.

8:21. Starbucks, Versova.

This will be a rant. I guess a long one at that. Let’s see when I get around to writing it. The next engagement is at 1030 so I have plenty of time. Please bear. Skip if you have to. Shit’s happening around me and I need to talk to someone and there’s no one but this blog. Of course no specifics here. Will talk in as broad strokes as I can. I am listening to this on loop as I write this.

Lemme start with a simple metaphor that someone once told me (I think it was Hemant). He said think of a giant, spacious room bang in the middle of the city, next to a busy road. The room has floor-to-ceiling windows that give you an expansive view of the world outside. You can open those windows in the mornings to let the sunlight and the fresh morning air come in and make the place a pleasant one. But, if you forget to close those windows during the day, the freshness and the morning cheer will get replaced by the incessant honking of the traffic, dust, and grime from the world out there and may be some stench, some stink from the world beyond your house. Would you as a logical person, not close these windows when it starts getting noisy?

That!

I need to start closing the windows to my life and brain. Lemme elaborate. Thing is, I think of so many ideas, things, businesses, impact areas, and whatnot that are so forward-looking that it takes forever for those to reach a conclusion. Like it would happen with almost anything, with time, some most of those fall along the way (plenty of reasons – I am unable to keep up, the people I work with realizing that I am not the best partner, the timing is not right, I lose steam, I find a shinier object, shit happens, etc etc.). As a result, I often fail to close those loops. And thus, the metaphorical windows to my brain are left often. And instead of helping my brain get fresh air, I am left with the noise and dust. The windows need closing!

You know, I have often thought about myself being that person that had immense potential to do things that could change the world but I feel that I am not living upto that with what I do. I merely hop from one thing to another and along the way I leave behind unfinished projects, half-baked ideas and unfulfilled promises to the world, friends, connections and myself. When I die (which I hope is not before I am 120), I would probably look like that sculptor that has a million unfinished pieces in his repertoire, each with a potential of becoming a David. It would be such a crime that I would waste all the potential. Assuming I have the potential.

I mean I can focus on one thing, one statue that goes onto outshine David and others of the ilk but my magic, my method, the madness comes from trying new things, new experiences, talking to new people, seeding new ideas, seeing new possibilities, and well, chasing the new shiny toy. Lol, the number of times I used “new” in that sentence has to be a world record of sorts.

So, I dont want to stop creating new things, opening new doors. After all, each thing I have in life is a result of all the million shots that I take without any purpose or anything. So that’s not stopping.

What I will do is try and close each ~~loop~~ window that I open in a predictable amount of time. Or once I reach some sort of conclusion. Or when I know the time has come to move on (which is tough to know to be honest). But I will close for sure. I think I have written about this earlier as well on one of the SoGs (I think). Let’s see if I find a link when I come around to editing this. Can’t find.

Also, while I will close all the new loops, new projects, new ideas and all that going forward, I know I cant roll back time to undo all that I should’ve done. I’ll see which ones I can. Even if they aren’t that many.

This is also a good time to tell myself to revisit Dr. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life, a book that has been like a ‘bible of life’ of sorts for me. The funny thing is that a lot of intelligent, aware, educated people don’t agree with him. But to me, he makes immense sense and everytime I read it, I take away a life lesson from it.

The antidote to the shit in head, I think the rule that is most pertinent is about setting my own house in order before I try and change the world.

I mean I do want to change the world and each thing I do is from that lens but since I am unable to close the ideas, the loops and other things, I am unable to make even an iota of dent.

I think this is about it. No, I am not any lighter since I started writing this. But I do know that I have vented out and I can move onto the next things. Like Dr. Peterson says in Rule 6, I need to take responsibility for the misery that has been inflicted upon me by my actions / inactions. Here on, I shall take responsibility and put the house in order. I have to play a role in helping the world become better.

Ok enough. Time to get on with the day. Here’s streaks.

Morning Pages – 99
#aPicADay – 80
10K steps a day – 1. The monthly average is 9K steps. I’ll see if I can take this up to 10K by the time month ends.
OMAD – 0 (stress ate ice-cream late night). Trying to fast today. Though I am tempted to stuff myself with food.
#noCoffee – 11
#noCoke – 11
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0

Over and out.

300121 – Morning Pages

I talk about some large decision I am hoping to make with life and all in the next few days. Long rant. Read at peril.

7:02

I’ve been up for a bit. Have a lot on my mind. Have a lot to do as well. Lemme start writing and see where we go.

So, yesterday was big. I took another debt. To make ends meet. To pay a handful of young people that work with me. To keep the lights on at those projects that I hope someday would become large beacons of great work. And on the other side, one of those projects is putting three startups in front of an investor, for a shot at investments. Ironical? Nah. By design? Nah. Poetic? Yes, I guess.

I mean here I am. Taking a loan to run those pieces and using those as vehicles to make others rich, famous, and better known. All in hopes that someday they would be big enough that they would start paying me back. You know, delayed gratification. The Marshmallow Experiment. Hoping to let go of the fun and comfort and joy of today. To hopefully enjoy it tomorrow. What if there’s no tomorrow? Damn!

Anyhow. So the large decision is that if I am forced to take another loan at the end of Feb, I would give up on this staying independent thingy and warp up everything that I am personally working on and take the first Naukri that comes my way, even if it pays me shit. As a vocal advocate of self-employment and not letting someone else command your time, I will bite the dist and stop advocating independence. I will stop virtue signaling. I will relook at the way I live life and the pseudo-krantikaari thoughts that I have. I poker parlance, I’d fold.

Talking of kranti, I am a tad more well-read about the farmer’s protest now. I spend a large part of yesterday reading about it. Of course, I read opinion pieces and perspectives of people from both sides – farmers and government. And I am now leaning towards the farmers. No, I am not saying that the new farm laws need to be repelled (I am still reading about those laws) but I have come to a conclusion that the way the government is handling the issue? That is not right.

I saw this video where Yogendra Yadav is literally in tears as he talks about how the movement was derailed. And I sympathize with him. He and other farmer leaders have called for a one-day fast and I support them. In solidarity, I will keep a fast as well.

Of course, this is a symbolic gesture and amounts to nothing. Armchair activism. Tokenism. But that’s the least I can do. And since I had this huge-ass Vegetarian Thali at 11:30 last night, I will fast both today and tomorrow. Penance. For my unawareness of the issue. Let’s see if I hold up.

I also saw this video yesterday, thanks to Parijat. The comedian, Punit Punia talks about how the middle-class is anything but that. There’s a part of about 30 seconds that leaves you dumb-founded and sucks the air out of your gut. Do see it. It’s just sickening the way we are.

Here it is. Do NOT miss it. Please. Lemme know how you feel after you’ve seen it.

I also had this longish chat with SG2 yesterday about life and all that. She asked me if I’ve seen my confidence go down in the last 2 or so years. I had to think hard and I don’t know the answer. I feel as if my confidence levels have remained the same but my self-image has probably taken a dent. Lemme explain (this is exactly how I explained to her :D).

So even though I am staring down a barrel, I am fairly confident that I will get acche din at some point in time in life. You know, this too shall pass. This means I will have all that I seek – impact, wealth, access, etc. At some point. SG2 dismissed this as optimism. I think this is confidence in my abilities to get things done and open doors and create opportunities etc. She doesn’t agree.

However, I know that I am no longer confident about myself. You know, self-image. That I think has taken a hit. A large one. Like this…

What do I mean by this? Simple.

I ~~feel~~ know that I have spent 40 years here and I have yet to do anything that will make people take a note. Fuck people. I’d not take a note of what I’ve done. If I walked upto myself and talked about all that I’ve done, I’d shoo myself away. Like you ignore those unwanted creatures that sort of hold you from doing things that you want to be doing.

I need validation. From myself. From sgMS (am surprised that I thought of her, more on this later). From the world. In terms that they understand (thanks SG2 for helping me articulate). Here are the terms for the three cohorts that I spoke about…

The world believes that you are great if you have a fancy house, luxury car, 2 kids, and a 7-figure salary. If you have some awards and accolades, the world gives you more credit, more validation, more respect.
sgMS evaluated the worth of a person from some internal metric that I have not been able to figure to date.
For me, I’d be happy if I see the impact of my work (it’s zilch right now) and the doors that my work, my brand, my reputation opens for me. Right now, them doors shut on my face!

I have none of these three right now. The most important is validation from self (the kinds that helps you with your self-image). And I lack that. In its absence, I could rely on signals that I could project at others about me having arrived. Even that is missing. I know so many people that are crappy, average Joes (and Janes) that are able to get by purely because they have fat salaries, lofty designations, and all those things that the world uses to validate your existence.

Lemme get back to sgMS. So she and I were sort of together long long ago. We’ve since then drifted and are great friends. She is still the keeper of my moral compass. If I need to make a decision that would border on ethics and all that, I would go to either Vanita, Hemant, or her. She continues to be that important.

I think my self-images issues go back to sgMS. Really. I have never admitted this ever in my life. But she was one of those hyper-critical people with super-strong perspectives and opinions and misguided views on people, things, heroes, and all that. At the time, I was blind in love and did not realize but now that I can think a tad better, I know that being with her sort of dented the way I thought about things. Of course, all the ambition I have was probably fuelled by spending time with her. If not for her, I would be more content. I got the push to do more because she saw that I was capable and she was like Terence Fletcher (of Whiplash fame) and she would not settle for anything ordinary.

I can trackback even more and go to a time when I was growing up in a lower-middle-class part of Delhi. Because the ‘nurture’ I was getting was sort of ‘limiting’, I think I was programmed to believe that the good things are not for me. See the Punit Pania clip above. When I had to go to a 5-star hotel for the first time by myself (I think in 2007 and I was 25) for an interview, I had to prepare myself mentally and I had to check if people like me were even allowed in there! May be this dented my self-image issues.

Ok, I digressed a lot. Good thing is that no one is reading. The point anyhow was that I think my self-image has taken a hit. And I need to find a way out.

The last thing I was to put on paper, in continuation with this topic is the thing about being eccentric and a fool. For some reason, in my head, I attribute this to SRK, though I can’t find the source.

So, he says if you have perspectives, ideas, thoughts, and actions that are counter-intuitive to people, are opposite to commonly held beliefs, people would take note.

And if you are poor, you are insignificant, you haven’t “achieved” anything, they would call you a fool for your ideas. Even, a mad man. An outcast. An anomaly. However, if you are “successful”, rich et al, they would call you eccentric!

The road from a fool to an eccentric needs you to have a fancy ~~Rolls~~ Tesla to drive on top of. Till you get one, stay shut. #note2self, Mr. Garg. If you want to tweet like Elon and impact the BTC price just by changing your bio, you need to be Elon in the first place. Or you can keep changing bio for the rest of your life and probably get banned from twitter.

Chalo. Over and out.

Oh, no time for freewriting today. Missed it the second time in recent days. Must not do it tomorrow. Or may be I will only write #book2 on the morning pages? Let’s see.