April 2021 | aboutSG

300421 – Meditations

For a change, today’s morning pages is a list of things that I am grateful for. And a list of things that I must work on. Read on.

7:21. Woke a few minutes ago. Not a lot of the mind as I wake up but for some reason heart and the head is heavy. I don’t know what this is but I can hide behind the garb of ennui. Don’t get me wrong. I have a lot of action happening. I am learning new things. I am talking to multiple people. I am getting stretched to the edge of my mental faculty.

I think I am just bugged that I’ve been holed up in this house. I think (I will have to dig out what I wrote) but I was fairly happy with my previous house. In the sense that it was new, spacious, airy and I could walk around. I think I am perfectly ok with the loneliness and staying alone, as long as I can meet people once in a while.

In this one, none of those is true.

Anyhow. What started as description of what’s on my head ended up a rant. Lemme talk about a few things I am grateful for. Let’s see what I have.

a/ I paid salaries to people on my teams – C4E, Podium, TRS, PPP, and more. I even added a team member at C4E for a project. So all in all, grateful that I can support some other people. No, none of these people are paid a lot. No the money we pay to these people is enough to run the house. But we do offer meaningful, polite, aligned to their interests work. Of course, people come and go (I’ve always wanted to create businesses where people do not leave but people do leave and that’s ok) but I am very sure that not one person would have complaints about how I work. So that’s a good thing I guess.

I just hope I could scale the business to a point where all of us are chasing our dreams and have more than enough!

b/ Got back to taking extensive notes. Since I moved to Goa, because I was on the move all the time (no place to work, bad internet, too much baggage, etc), I had stopped taking notes with a pen and paper. Now that I am back, I am beating myself in the head about why I even stopped! It was THE best thing that happened to me. So so so glad to be back on it.

Krishna gave me an amazing tip. He said I could have positioned myself as the productivity guy – you know, a combination of habits, notes, and multi-tasking. If I can teach this to the world, it would be awesome! Need to think. #note2self.

c/ I started to port these meditations to Roam. With time, I want to move all my content ever (all blogs, books, photos, memories etc) to a system like Roam and actually create a repository of all my things on the cloud.

The idea is to discover patterns and hidden connections in my thoughts. And then act on those. Someone told me that as you grow older, you start with the journey on the inside. I think tools like Roam are going to revolutionize how knowledge workers live and play!

d/ Discovered The Murshidabadi Project while searching for new music. Loved it! Love love them. Especially the way the dude sings. Love the nirvana he is in when he’s performing. Wow! I am tripping on this track. Prior to this, I saw this. If soulful music is your thing, you must check these people out.

Side #note2self. Must pull some strings to get to teach at MDI Murshidabad. I really think teaching is my calling. Even if I am not paid, I would like to deliver impact as a teacher. Plus I am the happiest when I see others see their dreams come true. Let’s see.

So that.
Ok felt good.
Lemme now get back to the mean. And be harsh on myself and talk about things I did not do. Here’s a list as well.

Did not do Surya Namaskar. I think it’s been 4 days now since I’ve not done it. I am not walking. I am not doing anything for fitness. Damn.
After almost 15 days, I ate crappy Indian food. I had this sudden craving to eat crappy carbs loaded with spicy things. I tried to resist but could not. As the last resort, I tossed a coin 5 times. Out of that 4 times, it told me to go ahead and eat. And I did. I ordered Aaloo Parantha and some Ice Cream. My taste buds couldn’t comprehend the sugar rush from the ice cream. Now that I’ve broken the clean eating thingy, I plan to order Maggi, Pizza, Chole Bhature, Samosa, and maybe some more Indian over the next two days. No, no Coke. No Coffee. Maybe I will get started with coffee. Let’s see. But from Monday on, I will get back to serious Keto. Probably get a subscription, even though it’s expensive. I hope whatever my irrational mind decides, I can justify it on my blog.
I have been immersed in work so much that I haven’t had the time to write anything new. Nothing on Roshan. Nothing on book2. Grrr.

That’s about it for the day.

Here’s streaks.

Morning Pages / Meditations – 138
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 51
#noCoke – 51
10 mins of meditation – 1
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 0.
Surya Namaskar – 0. Have missed this for 4 days now.

More tomorrow.

290421 – Morning Meditations

A note on things that are important to me but may not matter to the world at large. Read if you want to. Ignore if you want to.

7:56. Been up for more than half an hour. Pottering about. Thinking about the dreams I had. Logged them on my Roam. The interesting thing was that dream last night was like a non-stop, ongoing film that did not seem to end. Plus it was in English. I mean at one point in the dream, I used the word anomaly to describe myself!

Last week and this entire week have been mad like hell. To a point that I was bugged and did not sleep well and all that. I think I was so exhausted yesterday that I took it easy. I did attend a few meetings and a few calls but I did not do anything creative. Plus luckily or unluckily, there were not too many meetings planned for the day. So I could rest. As I grow old, I have started to see the merit in taking breaks. But then the young-at-head me refuses to believe that I need breaks. And that means I need to do a lot more than what I have been doing on fitness.

Lemme talk about what am trying to be fit.

a, Last three days I tried a Keto meal service. It was good but at 20K a month, at this time in my life, it’s expensive. I am supposed to toss a coin on that and decide.

b, I try to walk 10K steps every day. Of course, the last few days have been busy and lockdown is not helping at all. But even then I was able to pull in some 6K on an average. Here’s a chart.

c. I started with Surya Namaskars. I follow this video. I don’t do variations. I suck with a plank (you know, Hernia). By the time I get done, I am a dead man. I have to literally lie on the floor for an hour to catch my breath.

d. I live on the 8th floor and I try to walk up the stairs once a day. Again, by the time I reach the 8th floor, I am crawling to my door. And just like walking, I must have done this 3-4 times in toto but I do it.

e. Stopped ordering out (except Keto / Lo-Carb foods). So that’s saving me big money as well. Yay!

So that. I am glad I have some action to show for!

Lemme move to other things that I have not really expressed per se. Lemme try to articulate.

I am away from Twitter and Instagram. I still lurk around on Facebook (a recent phenomenon). On Whatsapp, I have muted EVERY group that I am a part of. I only engage in selective conversations with people. Most times I don’t talk. Most times when I talk, I don’t know how to talk. How do you talk to someone who’s lost a close friend? Family member? If they’ve not lost people, they’ve lost their vocation. They’ve lost their jobs. People like me are losing sanity.

Everyone around me (on twitter, insta etc) is doing whatever they can to help. To a point that they have left whatever they had behind to contribute. And I am clearly not doing anything at all. To a point that I have become a silent spectator that only rants and does nothing else. I am even being a cynic where I try and see ulterior motives of people that are offering any sort of help. I know I have been an escapist where I run away from all troubles

The funny thing is, with my work, I am little more rational, I mean I take harsh decisions, eager to correct mistakes, action things even if they hurt me. All my work where I invest time and money is actually that – I am giving away so much value that people call me fool. They call it impractical idealism. They have stopped thinking of me as a rational personal. They dont trust me with things. In fact, they hide even common things that I could be effective with. It’s not cool at all. Wait, I am ranting. This is not the point of rant today.

The point is that at this time where everyone is doing everything they can to help the world, I am sitting on the sidelines, twaddling my thumbs and merely writing a blogpost. I am sure I can do lot more than this!

And this is one of the reasons why I don’t want to be on any social media channel. I don’t want to pile myself with more guilt (than what I have right now) and get myself stuck in more grief at all this unnecessary loss of life. Unnecessary because all this could’ve been prevented. The action could have happened from everyone – from people to the administration to the policymakers to the government. It just plain sucks.

So that’s it for the day. Time to get going. Yet again, have a lot to do. Here’s the streaks…

Morning Pages / Meditations – 137
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 50 (wow! 50 days!)
#noCoke – 50 (yay)
10 mins of meditation – 0. Did not do yesterday.
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 0. I think I will remove this. No point fooling myself.
Surya Namaskar – 0. Have missed this for 3 days now. Have to do today, come what may. I will gun for 12 rounds but let’s see how many I get in.

That’s about it. Over and out.

As I was writing this, something happened. A friend called who has a friend that needs help with writing a book. If I did not write my book all those years ago, I wouldn’t have got this opportunity to speak with someone else! Two things.

a. Validation that the world respects action and wants a proof of action. Rather than merely believing in potential.

b. If there’s any sign from God (lol), than this is as clear as it gets. Work. Deliver. Publish. Ship. Release. Set it free. And it will come back to you.

Now that I am writing, the piece I wrote about living and working in Goa, even that got me connected to a few people that I would have otherwise not met! Need to thus ship more! And take all the more shots.

So yeah, that’s it. Over and out. Surya Namaskar time!

280421 – Morning Pages

A short rant on house I want to have, minimalism and more.

8:36.
Woke up a few minutes ago. Still hungover from all the work I did yesterday. I would’ve spent 23 hours on calls yesterday. I started work at 830/845 types. I ended at 10. With no breaks except the ones to pee. I ate while the calls were on. I sleepwalked through the day. To a point that I was finally sick of a computer and I threw the laptop aside and went to sleep.

Of course, I did not sleep and whiled time on the Internet till 2. And as a result, I am groggy and tired. Both in the head and in the body. I think I’ll go for a short walk to get my body to move. Maybe that will give me the feeling of an escape. I have been trapped in this house for 3 days now and I need a way out. Or I can alternatively do them Surya Namaskars. I havent done for 2 days now. Let’s see what I end up doing.

I am listening to this track after a while and I must say, it gets my brain moving! I mean it makes me think and groove and wonder at amazement and does all sorts of interesting things. I love this idea of music playing out loud in the morning. To a point that I am enticed to buy a big-ass speaker that plays good music. But then, the minimalist in me would hate seeing it around every day.

Lemme talk about that.

I think I know what I need. I need one space where I have all these fancy things that make life comfortable – you know, a large screen TV, fancy speakers, deep rugs, writing chairs, coffee makers, fancy bookshelf with all my books on it, lamps, walls full of paintings, art, and some shelves with all the other things that I want to have. May be I will use this place as a storehouse where I will dump all those things that I have gathered over the years (to be honest a lot of those are no longer with me – every time I move house, I discard some of those, including the ones that I have the largest affinity to).

And then I need a space that’s barren like a desert. Much like one of my earlier houses. Where all I have in a large bedroom is one thick mattress, some pillows, dark curtains, the silentest AC, and some water bottles. And that’s about it. Outside that bedroom, I want another large room with literally nothing. I need space to walk around. I need to be able to walk to a large balcony and stare at the world outside. I can’t do with these closet houses where they make large windows and yet you look over at a dump. This place has to be on one of the higher floors, if not the highest floor ever.

I miss the time when I could simply go to a broker and ask him/her to get me the house on the topmost floor. I can no longer do that. May be in a few months acche din will be back. May be I will get this cluttered workspace and sparse living and thinking space.

Sigh. Wishful thinking. Anyhow. Need to start the day and get going with work. Not too many things around writing etc. Here’s streaks.

Morning Pages / Meditations – 136
#aPicADay – 0
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 49
#noCoke – 49
10 mins of meditation – 2
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 0
Surya Namaskar – 2 today’s the second day on the trot when I am not doing this.

That’s about it. Over and out.

270421 – Morning Pages

A quick post about an acquaintance that succumbed to COVID-19. May trigger you. Please be advised.

7:04 AM. I had what I will call a fitful sleep. I wont have a lot to talk about today – there’s way too much on my plate and I cant afford the indulgence of an hour that I typically take to write this. I am giving myself 30 minutes. Will hit publish at soon as it’s 7:30.

So yesterday, I was told that one of the people I used to play poker with, at my own house succumbed to COVID. The guy was all of 32. I haven’t met in some 5 years but I am still part of that tiny community of people that bonded over this game called Poker. When I think about him, I remember him as one of those always full of life people. He had a joke or two. He liked to dress up. He loved the idea of getting attention. He hated to lose but he would take it in a stride and always come back with vengeance the next time we played. I was even envious of how he lived. He’s gone. No goodbyes. No promises to meet again.

To be honest, I had forgotten him. I hadn’t thought about him in all these years. But now that he’s gone, the loss somehow feels far closer. While playing Poker, we sat around a table for many nights over a period of 2-3 years that we played. We would’ve shared quite a few meals. He would’ve bluffed me into holding rockets with his crappy hole cards. Damn, it’s not cool that he’s gone. It just sucks that us humans have such unpredictable expiry dates.

The thing is, this is probably the first person that I knew personally that has succumbed to COVID. I have heard stories from close friends, relatives, seniors from college, and more that have experienced loss from close. They’ve tried to talk to me about how it is to lose a loved one. While I could empathize with them, I was unable to comprehend.

May be this is what it feels like. I mean if it sucks so much to lose an acquaintance (I can’t call him a friend), I can’t even imagine how it must feel like to lose a loved one. So much pain, so much suffering caused by I don’t even know what. I can blame it on people’s carelessness. I can blame it on the government’s inaction. I can blame it on the damn place where the virus originated. But the damn blame will not bring back this guy. Or all the others that have passed away.

I really hope this is over soon. I hope others don’t face as much pain and everyone gets back to their homes healthy, happy, and well. As I write this, there’s just one question in my head. Kab tak sidelines pe rahoge Mr. Garg?

That’s about it. See you guys tomorrow. Hopefully.

Here’s streaks.

Morning Pages / Meditations – 135
#aPicADay – 116. Stopping this project. I can no longer log in to Instagram without getting triggered about all the suffering around us. Will stop tracking from tomorrow.
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 48
#noCoke – 48
10 mins of meditation – 1
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 0
Surya Namaskar – 1

Nothing on Roshan. Have a lot of work. See you guys tomorrow. Hopefully.

260421 – Morning Meditations

A longish rant on tough love and hard work and the kinds of people you encounter in life! Reader discretion advised.

6:40 AM
I woke up at around 5. I saw the time and the darkness inside and the blackness inside and I slept again. Woke at with an alarm at 6:10 interrupting a dream about a game of chess that I seem to be playing. Lol. In my dream.

So the weekend came and went in a jiffy. To a point that I did not realize where the time went. I did not do yoga. Neither did I write a lot. The to-do list is staring at me with all its fury. I hope this week is easy. I am implementing maker-manager strictly from today on. Today is a manager day – way too many meetings on a Monday.

I also realize that this always-on work that I am engaged in is not sustainable. I need to find a way out and create alternative revenue streams. Or do some startups.

In other news, I spoke to a friend last night (NG) and he said something that surprised me. He said, “tu action me nahi aata“. And I thought I was the one that jumps to actions like no one’s business. But when it comes from NG, I take it seriously. He is someone that I respect at multiple levels. So need to think on this.

In other news, SK sent me this video by this motivational speaker called Dan Pena. The 75ish-year-old man ~~talks~~ screams and hurls abuses about how “tough love” is what moves things. He says that in the day and age we live in, hard work is out of fashion. He says show me your friends and I will show you your future. Etc etc. You get the drift.

Now, I am the kinds to stay away from such motivational gurus and shamans. Especially the ones that are rude and obnoxious. But… but I seem to agree that hard work is out of fashion. The world wants to be kind and under the garb, hard work is indeed going out of fashion. People want to take breaks and recharge and sleep and handle their cats and whatnot. While all these are what makes us human but I sincerely believe that we need more people to work hard. Of course, the antidote is working smart. Inheriting great education. Scheming your way around. And all that. But these are things that a tiny percentage of people are capable of. At least I am not. I can only work hard, throw darts and then hope like hell that one of them hits.

Wait. I am not sure if I am articulating this well – I probably need to mull over it. May be talk to PS about it. He is on the other spectrum of where I am. Intelligent. Works hard. Discharges his duties as a family man. Contributes to society. Cares for pets. And yet believes in kindness.

The point is, there are people (let’s call these Cat A) that are comfortable with what they have – you know, a stable job, a fixed salary that goes up every year, enough and more time to chase hobbies and all that. Most of their lives are spent on auto-pilot and waiting for the next weekend. Weekends are full of social obligations like dinners and parties and getaways and drinking fests where most of the conversations tend to be about showering their employees and the world at large with abuse and talking about how they are miserable in a job and working from weekend to weekend. Of course, they are!

No, nothing wrong with it. It’s their choice. Who ~~are we~~ am I to question it. Oh, there are people (Cat B) who genuinely like the idea of working for the weekends. These people are the happiest! I have nothing to say to these people except wishing them luck! I am jealous of these people. Really am.

Then there are people (Cat C) that have little less than what Cat A people have. These people have some sort of stability, some sort of safety, some clarity where life is headed, some fun on the weekends et al. No, not to the degree that Cat A people have. But enough to be content, if they wanted to be. Most of these in Cat C will actually be content. They will accept their realities and succumb to them. Or may be live they would happily ever after. But if I were to take an educated guess, they will nudge towards becoming Cat A (not B) and would probably decline on the happiness chart. Probably is the operative word here.

Within C, there are people like me. Lemme call these Cat D. The ones that have tasted some blood and they want more. These people at different degrees of comfort (and if I may, discomfort) and yet not content. Still wanting more. These people probably will never be content. At least I wouldn’t be. Even when I am on the top of Everest, I would be like, “Ok, this is done. What next?” You know, people with super-high ambitions and expectations from themselves. Our life will not be spent chasing that mythical point where life is comfortable but delivering impact and in the process creating wealth and happiness and contentment for self and others. Lol. Do you see the paradox there?

Then there are people (Cat E) that are nobodies right now. You know, youngsters, aspiring talent, people without opportunities in the subsets I mentioned above, people just starting their careers and other such, etc.

Then there are people that grew up in cocoons (Cat F; kids of movie stars, spouses of famous people, people that grew up in business dynasties, the ones that have a sheltered upbringing, and all that). The only time these people troubled themselves was probably to switch on the AC and that too only when their “domestic help” and not “maid” was not around. They grew up with the proverbial silver spoon up their ass. Of course, these people have fancy lives which include getting the best of the education that makes them aware enough about moral issues that we are facing, especially around American culture. sadly they are bereft of any ideas about more immediate issues closer home. Which is ok. Cocoon. Of, these people mostly love virtue signaling. They have teams of “content creators” to help throw a signal out in the world. And of course, these are famous and are thus lusted upon by almost all other categories of people I spoke about.

And no, nothing wrong with it. You won the ovarian lottery and you better cash that cheque. Good luck. Again, I am envious of you guys :D. Wait, I don’t think any Cat F people are ever reading this people. Reading is a lot of work, you know. Maybe one of the “team members” (and not “employees”) could make a summary and deliver the Red Pill.

Cat G is the ones that have made it. You know, the role models. The ones that did not have a fancy upbringing and yet made that dent in the world. These are entrepreneurs, artists, doers, trouble makers, and more that have reached a point where they and their work is respected and creates impact at scale. Love you guys! The only request is that I hope you don’t let your kids drift into Cat F.

The rant from here on is about people like me and younger ones just starting their lives. Cat D and Cat E. For Cats A, B, C, F, and G, I have no advice to give. Good for them. Can only wish them luck. I may have a rant or two though, as you may have noticed already.

So, coming to Cat D junta. People like me. Who want to do more. Reach the famed Cat G. Excel. The question I have is, how can your vision of your success not inspire you enough to work so hard so much that you leave everyone behind? I am not saying that you become that hare in a mad rush. Be a tortoise. But keep at it. Work hard. Smart, if you can. But there’s no substitute for that. You can not become what you want to if you think it’s ok to work 7 hours a day for 4 days a week. And go on two foreign holidays twice a year and get out on each weekend. And attend each birthday party even if it’s the 4th cake of the pet of some other kid from the pilates class that your kid went to once about six months ago.

I don’t understand how Cat D people sleep at night knowing that they could have used the time they were taking a break at Lonavala to create more opportunities for themselves.

However, with the Cat E cohort, before I write more, lemme acknowledge that there are people that want to take different paths in life. I hope that most of these land up in Cat B, live comfortable lives for the rest of their lives. Not Cat A – these are probably the most unhappy of the lot – apart from cribfests, armchair activism, and socialite conversations with people that don’t really matter, they have nothing to show for.

So, if you are in Cat E and want to move to Cats A or D or even G, this is for you. Please know that this is NOT for everyone. Read at peril. If you are soft-hearted, quit. There’s more in life that you can do without this unsolicited advice of a have-been, old armchair activist. Who am I to talk about things? I have shown no signs of any success anywhere. Even when my friends introduce me, they use confusing and vague terms like, “he dons multiple hats”. I mean WTF!

So with that disclaimer out of the way, here’s what I have to say to you guys. I will use bullet points to avoid rambling.

There is no substitute for hard work. Do not let anyone fool you that you need to work smart. If you were the kind to know how to work smart, you would be in Cat C at least by now. Harsh. But that’s how it is.
Acknowledge that life is random and luck is real. You are the most talented person you know ever but unless you are lucky to find a giant that you can climb on the shoulder of, you are no one.
You may not be lucky but you can definitely increase your odds at being lucky. How? By working hard. See point 1. And throwing as many darts as you can. See what sticks. And then double down on it. There is a lot of text on this. Look up.
STOP idolizing people in Cat F. You are NOT one of those. If you were, you wouldn’t need to read such things or struggle through life.
In fact, stop idolizing altogether. Learn from each person – good or bad. Stop hero worship. In this day and age, heroes will more or less fail you.
Try and see what went behind the success of people in Cat G and look at the outward facade they put in. You see them partying but you need to see that they worked hard for 20 years non-stop to reach a point where they have people in Cat A and B manage their work. And thus, they can party.
Life values action more than it values potential. I learned this fairly late. I was one of those perfectionists. And I realized I wasted the best years of my life (my 20s) chasing perfection with things. This is one of the biggest mistakes I have made ever. To a point that I regret it. Do NOT make this mistake. Please ACT. please ship. Even if what you post is crap, it’s cool. Feedback from people would help you get better. The best comedians apparently work on their 10-second punchline for years before it is perfect enough to land the audience in thunderous applause. They practice their lines each day with audiences in smaller clubs, unknown places before they climb that large stage. Practise. Think. Be aware of your reputation. But PLEASE SHIP.
It’s ok to be wrong. Unless you are wrong enough times, you would not get right. So try things. Do things. Get told that you were wrong. Lift your chin up. And try again. Till you are right.
Friends are fleeting. This is probably the most counter-intuitive thing that I am putting on paper. Maybe because I did not have deep friendships in life. Maybe because I have turned a cynic – most of my friends refused to help me when I needed help. Maybe I have not seen friendship in action at work. Ok rant. Dont want to remove this even if I am tagged a sore loser by readers. The lesson is, stop living for your friends. Live for yourselves. You owe a moral responsibility to yourself, your success, your output. Friends will come and go. The business transactions that you make would stick. At least, in my case.
Act. This is important enough to repeat. See point 7. PLEASE.
Stay close to the ones that nudge you to act. You would meet people that will ask you to take a break. You would find people that would tell you that it’s ok to recharge batteries. Nah. Life is too short if you want to be in Cat G. They did not take breaks when they were growing up. They worked. Acted. So, find people that inspire you to act and not take breaks. Act till you are there.

That’s it for the time being.

If there’s one thing that you want to take away from this, please take home Point No. 10 and the one-word message. Act. Everything else will happen if you act.

Ok enough. It’s almost two hours (it’s 8:30) that I’ve been ~~writing~~ ranting. Need to get on with the day. I did not know I would have had so much to say about this. This is a 2500-word tome already and I am not even half done! May be I will pick this up tomorrow. For the time being, here’s streaks. Also logged here.

Morning Pages / Meditations – 134
#aPicADay – 115
10K steps a day – 2
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 47
#noCoke – 47
10 mins of meditation – 0
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0

And no, nothing on Roshan today either. Second day on the trot. I have a sinking feeling I will miss this :(. For all the rant I made above, I should’ve worked on the story. I can justify this by saying that I did work hard over the weekend and thus was left with no time. But that’s all that is – a justification. Damn!

250421 – Morning Meditations

A longish conversation with self on things that I need to more of if I want to reach where I want to.

6:56. Woke up a few minutes ago. The minds blank. Lemme fill in some words and see the direction this narrative takes. Yesterday was a long long day. I did not get time to even see the watch till about 2. And no, I could not do the Surya Namaskars. Neither could I do meditation. No, I did not write on the Roshan story. I did manage 10K steps though. So that’s the only win I have.

The other thing that I have to log is that even though I have been eating clean for more than two weeks now (except that lone mousse that I eat every day, I have not eaten anything from outside), I feel bloated all the time. I think it’s all the soda that I drink. Need to stop for a week and see how I feel.

So that.

Mind’s still blank. Lemme pour more. A million things are open at my end. Both at work and at passion projects. And at things that are important for me. Funnily, I am not slacking. I am actually at it. I am not wasting my time with random content. I am not immersed in reading that much that I lose time. I am no longer active on Twitter. Neither am I just staring at the ceiling! I am just procrastinating on random things for no reason. I have never been this. I mean I say no if I don’t want to work on things but I don’t procrastinate. Plus, the time has never been this important. Each minute is accounted for. Plus there’s no travel anyway. So, I don’t know where the time’s going. I even tried tracking it on all the million sheets I maintain. I know that I did “time pass” but I don’t know where the other time’s going. Even this weekend came and went away in a blink!

I think these are the reasons.

a/ I am part of way too many meetings.
What this does is that I get the illusion of working but no real work happens. I don’t create anything. I don’t get my name out. I don’t build my brand. I don’t plant seeds. Which is ok for most people. But not for me. I have this need to be out there. I need to attract opportunities. I need to do a lot more. And a lot more will happen when I ship things.

So may be, Monday onward, I will reduce the meetings I am a part of. I will rely on emails wherever possible.

b/ I work on way too many things.
Which I have made peace with. What I don’t do and should do is, not switch tasks often. Look at this post for example. I started on this at 6:56. It’s 8:02. In this hour, I have worked on this post, tweaked the Wordpres theme on one of the passion projects that I want to work on, checked email, reviewed a client presentation, researched the meaning of Kun Faya Kun (the right way to refer to it is Kun Fayakun – if you are curious, read this), played a game of chess (I won!), thought about how I ought to create and not waste time, filled 5 liters of water in some 8 water bottles (reused bottles of soda, water, etc) around my house.

Even within this post, I have gone back and forth between various sections. Which I think is ok. That’s my style. Most other writers will probably start with a list of things they want to cover and then they would fill in those. I do the same for work related writing. This is a freeflow text. So that.

The point is, I shuttle between way too many things too many times. I need to engage in one thing at a time. I can’t stop multitasking. The tweak I can add is the one around serialtasking (#note2self – must write an SoG on serialtasking). In its purest form, Cal Newport calls this Deep Work.

c/ I am not a doer per se. I am more of a manager.
I need people to do things for me. Most work I get paid for, I am an individual contributor. Most passion projects, I am the sole worker. I do have someone that helps me but I need to find a replacement. I am unable to do so.

I know that I can think of a million things but I need others to do those. In a typical corporate structure, this is possible. Easy to find resources that help you. Easy to delegate. Easy to take feedback and inputs. In the structure I run (everyone owns, runs, manages things), it is difficult. Different people have different levels of motivation. They have different outlooks on life than I. They need more security. They need more structure. I am ok with ambiguity. I like the idea of chasing the unknown. I like taking things from 0 to 1 (thinking of possibilities etc). I need people that can take things from 1 to 100.

So that.

So action points are…

Find a great team. Now that I can pay a bit. The challenge would be to compete with the insane amount of money that these new-age startups are throwing at young people.
Stop attending meetings. Start using that time to do things. Implement maker-manager.
Stop switching. In one line, stop multitasking. Lol.

The next thing I need to think about is my website. I need to create content that attracts the right kind of people and opportunities. What are these? Here we go…

It’s clear to me that I cant do one thing. I will always be on hundred projects at the same time. If I were to draw a structure, I think a pyramid would look like this…

Top – Enable others, make them successful and participate in the wealth they create.
Layer 1 – These people, these others must come from three disciplines that I want to create impact at – startups, films, education. I have made progress with films. And in some way with startups. I will get onto education at some point in time in life.
Next layer – Get better at these disciplines by talking to more people, attracting more opportunities, doing more, showing the proof of work, delivering impact, becoming an “expert” etc.
Next layer – As an individual, do things I like – writing, photography, talking to people, travel, clean my desk, drink water etc etc. With people I like – strangers, friends, coworkers, family.
The base layer – Become atamnirbhar. AKA financially independent fast. By making money from things like brand consulting, marketing, content, events, etc.

I guess that sums my approach to life well. Sounds very similar to Elon’s masterplan. Wait. Even I wrote a masterplan a few years ago when I was starting C4E.

Lemme reproduce those slides here…

Wrote this sometime in 2016 or 2017. The idea was to create money, use that money to create more people that make more money. And use that money to scale things further. Till I reach a billion people.

And, in terms of tangible actions, I wanted to do the following…

This is how I would expand into other things.

Lemme know if you want access to the entire deck.

Needless to say, I am far far away from these. I did make early moves but I have proven to be a disappointment to myself. But, the thing is, I have not given up on myself. I will never do so.

Wait. I was talking about my website. How did I land on to this self-pity piece?

The point is, I need to work on my website that gets me connected to more opportunities.

Ok. Next?

Nothing is next. It’s 8:45 and I need to get going with the day. Before that, must log that these days, Kun Faya Kun is my default music for each morning as I wake up. This version. And when I sleep. At that time, I listen to this version. I also must log that I hate this block-structure that WordPress has. It’s not friendly for writers at all. To developers, it may be.

With that, over and out.

Here’s the streaks. Also logged here.

Morning Pages / Meditations – 133
#aPicADay – 114
10K steps a day – 1. Did 11K.
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 46
#noCoke – 46
10 mins of meditation – 0. Did not do yesterday and broke a 10-day streak.
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0

And no, nothing on Roshan today either. Dal Roti comes first.

240421 – Meditations

Dump of things clouding my head. I talk about shopping, my inability to be of help during the pandemic and some work shite.

8:00 AM.
I woke up 10 minutes ago. Blame it on the fact that I was up till about 3 last night. Working. What else will be I doing at that hour on a Friday? To be honest, this week was bad. I slacked badly. I did not walk as much. I ate so much crap that it’s not funny. I spent way too much time watching restoration videos on Youtube. That’s the new thing that I am hooked onto. Imagine people breaking things apart and then cleaning, fixing those, and making a video about that experience. Wow. Apparently, there are millions of people who like seeing such things. I am not alone!

Anyhow.

Today is an important day. We have the third edition of Spotlight, a meetup between young founders and experienced ones. The idea is to create a 1-v-1 forum where answers are sought and given. This is one of the largest impact pillars of my work at Podium. I want to scale it to a point that anyone wanting answers to their start-up or funding questions, we should be their first port of call.

We are yet to reach any sort of scale with it but let’s see when we do. Right now, each edition is a stepping stone. Each edition is a learning opportunity.

I hope I can scale it well to a point that it becomes an impactful forum.

No, this is not different from millions of such forums out there and is a me-too idea. But then each me-too idea has the potential to reach people that others have not. The intent is any way to not make money with this, it will happen if I continue to work on the right thing in the right manner.

In the routine boring things of the day section, today is grocery shopping day. This means a visit to the local Star Bazar. Thing is, I am trying to eat clean (not that it has shown any impact on my belly so far). This further means that I need to stock up on supplies. Plus, I secretly enjoy supermarkets. I like to see what is available. I like to see what people like to buy. I like to think of all the fancy things that sort of tempt people with packaging and communication. I think if you want to feed your curiosity, a large set of inputs will come from these places!

I just hope its not crowded. You know, Saturday and all.

In the baring the soul and admitting defeat section, I must report that I have successfully shut out all conversations about the pandemic and the suffering it is bringing about. I know I am being insensitive about it. But at this time, I really want to maintain my sanity and ensure that I don’t go down a spiral. I can’t afford to lose whatever little I have.

I know I could help by augmenting requests for help. I know I can volunteer my time. I know I can donate some money. I can divert all the money from SoG Grant for fighting the pandemic. But the challenge remains, I don’t know who to give this money to. May be to Daku and his team. I know that he will do a good job with it.

Let’s see. If I do use the grant for this, while the purpose of Grant would not be met (help creative people seek an outlet), it would probably serve as a tiny drop in the ocean in the fight against the pandemic.

I am unable to decide what to support. While I know the pandemic needs the money, I also know that artists need it more than anything else – they are the ones that are most affected by it. They are the ones that are most sensitive and thus lose their direction. Lemme think over the weekend.

Coming back to admitting defeat. I think I am running away from responsibility as a human. I ought to help but I am done with seeing all the suffering. I can no longer prevent it from affecting me. There are so many close people that are affected. I am unable to even give them a shoulder. I think I am a great peace-time friend. When it’s war, I think I suck.

Really.

Ok. Deep breath.

In the sleepwalking through life section, I don’t have much to report apart from the fact that my to-do list seems to be growing faster than my belly, which in turn is growing faster than you can spell FAST. I think I am involved in way too many calls and that leaves me with very little time to actually do things. I need to find a way to reduce these calls and block more time for actual work. I will try to implement this from the coming week. Let’s see how it goes.

I think this is about it for the day. In the streaks section, here’s how I am doing.

Morning Pages / Meditations – 132
#aPicADay – 113
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 45
#noCoke – 45
10 mins of meditation – 10
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 1
Surya Namaskar – 1

No, not working on Roshan’s story today. Have other things to work on.

Hope you have a good day.

230421 – Meditations

Reflection on how I spent yesterday and a harsh note to self about how not to live. Did not go deeper to discover the reason for lethargy.

6 AM
Been up for a while. Feel ok.

What a day was yesterday. Fuck. Can’t imagine having more days like that. I literally slept through it.
And whatever part I did not sleep, I got thru it like a zombie.
I did not step out of the house. A rare occasion.
I ordered a million things. A thing that I had stopped over the last few days.
I would’ve eaten like a pig that’s come out of famine.
I did not go for a walk.
I did not do Surya Namaskar.
I did not write on the Roshan story.

However, I somehow managed 15 minutes of meditation. And I did publish the day’s #aPicADay. I did call home but I would have spoken to my parents for not more than 300 seconds.

Thankfully I did not succumb to temptation and did not order coke or coffee. Though I did eat a bg tub of chocolate mousse. I think that’s my guilty pleasure. As long as I have that in moderation.

Fuck.
It sucked.
Like a day taken away from the limited time, we have here on Mother Earth!

It’s a crime that I did that I need to be a lot more responsible with my time.

On one side, I may claim that it’s ok to take breaks. Apparently, even God rested on the 7th day. But then, the earth does not stop spinning on the 7th day. The sun does not stop fusing into Helium (I hope I am right) and radiating energy. We don’t stop breathing on the 24th hour. The chakra of life does not stop spinning! Who are we to then stop and break our routines?

While it is good and easy to acknowledge that I slacked yesterday, at some point in time, I need to meditate on the reasons. So that I can fix those.

One reason I can think immediately is that I overslept. I know that I am as fresh as a daisy even with 6 hours of sleep. I know, science says we need 8 hours. I want to go there. I may work my way to that. But right now, I am good with 6. The days I sleep more than 6, I get fucked. so may be, yesterday was brought about that.

Two, it could be all the news around me. Friends falling sick of COVID, friends, and families of people I care for suffering from COVID, people dying from it, general apathy of policymakers with it. I think this is the first time I have seen this large humanitarian crisis (please don’t get started on how living in India in itself a humanitarian challenge. May be that’s affecting me at the subconscious level? May be I may claim that I am indifferent to the suffering but I get deeply affected? May be it’s my inability to help people and matters right now that is making me suffer? Fuck helping others, I know that if I were to need Oxygen or those meds for my family, I would have a hard time arranging for those. It plain sucks to be alive right now.

Of course, I am lucky to be ok but I think it’s a matter of time.

Anyhow. The point is to not wail into the misery. The point is to reflect on the reasons for the off day.

Three. May be my system merely wanted a break from the strenuous routine that I live? You know, where each minute is accounted for?

Routines. Ah, the love of my life. lemme talk about that.

For someone that chases freedom and independence of time, I love routines a lot. I think it is the routines that get simple people to do great things. Like I have been walking up 8 floors every day for the last three days. The first day was tough af. The third was a little easy. I could’ve gone another flight. If I did this every day, someday I can walk up 24. And then someday, the Everest. No, I haven’t forgotten that. But the moment you break routine, you are back to square one. I know that today I will have a tough time walking up.

Most great people, when asked about their process and work, “blamed” the boring routines they had when it came to work. They would live exciting lives otherwise but when it comes to work, the things that they are known for, the work they do, would have been produced in the most boring, mundane, routine things.

Wait. I am thinking. Should I do a series of posts on how some of the greatest writers write? Now that I am ok being on video, this could be a great time to do so! Kya kya karega Garg? Marketing Podcast? Investor’s Podcast? Writer’s techniques. Lol. Guess, “I am not much of a petty thief!” Let’s see. Let me make a list of questions and see where it goes. #note2self

Anyhow.
Moving on.
Here’s the streaks for the day.

Morning Pages / Meditations – 131
#aPicADay – 112
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 44
#noCoke – 44
10 mins of meditation – 9
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0

Lol. Most things are zero. What’s the point of tracking these?

Anyhow, onto Roshan’s story.

Day 8

I am still at a point where I don’t know the central conflict in his life. What is his nemesis? What makes him leave his bed every morning (even though he is deteriorating) and take a stand? What is the cause that he wants to chase? In #tnks, I was clear that the main character was chasing revenge. The others were trying to protect Nidhi and her family. I can’t make this about a treasure and its hunt. Book2 is all about that. I can’t make this about the family’s heritage that he may want to preserve – the setup will become complex.

Lemme launch into free text for about 30 minutes and see where I reach. Its 8:03. Here we go.

[START]

The thing with a small place is that everyone knows everyone else. If you don’t know things first-hand, you will hear it soon enough. You may still be able to hide things trifle like life or death, bankruptcy, misfortunes et al. But you can not hide things like love affairs, a familial argument, revolts in the family, and other such things that take more significance at these small towns where things literally are stuck in time. The older men still gather under the banyan tree. The younger women still find time to share notes when they gathered around the temple. Temple was probably an excuse to leave their homes to escape their monotonous lives that circled between sleep, kitchen, chores, sleep.

At the temple, while the Pujari and everyone was there, it was Pritha that was the chieftain of these women seeking a break. At these breaks, they engaged in idle banter and gossip as they did non-essential chores for the temple. This hour that they got for themselves after lunch was like a maha-sabha of the women of the town. Even a few non-Hindu women attended these. And despite their status or rank, everyone was welcome. It is at this temple and under the patronage of Pritha that the daughter of a sweeper could sit next to the wife of the Pujari and share water and snacks from the same banana leaf.

These meeting of the women was the only anomaly in the town of Indapur where people were still seated in tradition even though they were in the 21st century. The traditions from the yesteryears were still enforced, respected, and revered. To a point that it was not uncommon for the Panchayat to bar a family or two often from the town. There was no way you could go against the Panchayat that consisted of a representative of the seven families that Shivaji himself blessed. To represent the pandits, there was the Pujari. Shlok Chavan was a descendent of the fighters in Shivaji’s camp. Pritha took on the seat after her husband died and she represented the munims, the accountants for Shivji’s empire. The voice of the lower castes was with Sharat, whose family has been in the service of the Maratha warrior even before they came to Indapur. So, even though they should ideally not be on this august panel, he was the most vocal. To make things worse, he accepted and agreed and decreed that the caste system be preserved.

Of course, there was a local MLA, the police, and the government apparatus. But at Indapur they held no power apart from giving inconvenience to their official powers to reaffirm whatever the council decided. There were talks that Sharat stand in the elections next time around so that they did not need these pen for hire. But then the system was convenient. They could pass on diktats with as much ease.

As the only woman on the council, Pritha was as important. While the other men would secretly sneer at her decisions, none of them had the balls to be open about it.

[END]

Let’s see where we reach. Some ideas…

1/ Can I make this a communal story? Two people from two different communities fall in love. This love wedges a crack in the entire town. To a point that there are murders and all. May be Roshan could be a saviour? Before he died, he wants to see his town safe and the couple married? Not sure. Too many violent, angry love stories have been told already!

2/ Can the rift be between son and mother? Mother wants traditional upheld. Son wants the lovers to succeed. On one side, they have the grief to get over. And on the other, they have this egoistical battle?

So that.
Over for the day.
Work beckons.
See you guys tomorrow.

220421 – Morning Pages

An incoherent report on how I spent the last two hours.

6:50.
Been up for a bit. Feel tired and energy less for some reason. I don’t know why. Sleep? Well, I slept well. I ever had some dreams (a great indicator if you got restful sleep). Was a long day yesterday. From like 10 till about 8, was on the computer and on calls. Damn all these calls are exhausting.

Heads to tired and brain so fried that I dont have a lot to talk about. I will come back to the post in a bit.

7:07
Shuffled around the house. Filled all those thousand water bottles that I drink water from throughout the day. Cleaned the kitchen (which doesn’t really need cleaning – afterall I dont cook at home, though since I got this home-cooked dabba, I do see merit in having a kitchen at home).

Dont know what to write. How to write. Etc.

7:18
Saw this documentary. On 1.5x speed. Not the best documentaries. More like marketing material for the book. Truth be told, I have had this book on my bookshelf for years and I am yet to read it in its entirety. Maybe this listlessness that am feeling is a calling to read the book and implement some of the lessons.

Let’s see.

7:29.
Saw this. Better than the last one. I like a couple of lines from therein. One of them goes something like, temptations were created, were given to you, to make you stronger. If you fight with a stronger opponent, you grow in strength. If you fight with a temptation, you grow stronger as a person. If you can fight the bodily pleasures that guide actions, you can become better.

Do see the video.

Maybe I need to grow as a stronger person. May be this is what I need? I have been a hedonistic, pleasure-seeker for a large part of my life. From Diet Coke to AC to Food to Comfortable beds to Bodily pleasures. From ego to validation to envy and more. I am entrapped. Of course, lately, I have stopped succumbing to these and I exercise a lot of restraint but I can see patterns where I have picked the phone first thing in the morning (like I did today) and have stayed up to chat up with random strangers (like yesterday) and eaten so much that my gut would burst (a few days ago) and a la Fight Club, spend money that I don’t have to buy things I don’t need to impress people I don’t like (all the time; I even got a new credit card yesterday!).

So may be I need to get out of these. May be Yogananda is the answer. No, I don’t believe in God. I am borderline spiritual though. Damn this mind!

8:14
Down the youtube rabbit hole. Ending up seeing a hundred videos about Kriya Yoga. Damn ~~we humans are~~ I am great at sinking time into pointless pursuits!

Ok enough. Lemme get on with the day. I have a lot of things on my hands, heads, and to-do lists. Oh, I must say that I am dying to gobble up some Coke. Miss it terribly. I am dying to get it! I know I would enjoy the first can. And once I get the first can, I would get addicted to it like crazy. Bummer.

I think this is about it from today. Before I go, here’s the streaks…

Morning Pages / Meditations – 130
#aPicADay – 111
10K steps a day – 0
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 43
#noCoke – 43
10 mins of meditation – 8
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 7
Surya Namaskar – 3

No, no original work today. At least not yet. Let me see if I can find time during the day.

210421 – Meditations

A confession that I am experiencing what Adam Grant calls “dulling of delight or the dwindling of drive”

6:30 AM.
Been up for quite some time. Was pottering around.

I now wake up at 6 without an alarm. Even if I sleep at 1ish like the case was yesterday. Of all the days recently that I have felt listless, lonely, confused, scared, yesterday was probably the toughest. I just couldn’t find the peace to sleep. I am not the kind to get fazed by things happening around me but yesterday was bad. I don’t know what triggered me. And yes, I walked 10K steps. I climbed 8 flights. I did 10 Surya Namaskars in the morning. On each leg. I ate clean. No snacks. No Diet Coke. I don’t consume drugs, alcohol, or tobacco. Oh, I did eat a lo-carb chocolate mousse that I am sure uses some alternative to Sugar. And yet I was in this weird zone where nothing seemed to make sense. For a change, I was left questioning the meaning of life. No, I did not find the meaning. Or the answer to the misery shrouding us right now.

I don’t recall a lot of things that I thought about. I think it’s like a bad dream that I want to forget. What I do remember is that I couldn’t sleep. In fact, sleep has been my superpower. Even when I’ve faced my biggest challenges, I’ve slept peacefully. I mean, I am a light sleeper and I sleep fitfully but I am rested more or less. Yesterday I couldn’t get sleep. No, the phone was away. It was not even charged. It was a dark room. Reasonably cold (as much as a tired AC can make the room cold). And yet I could not sleep.

But then I did drift at some point. It was past 1 for sure cos I remember a friend wanted help and it was some 12:30 or something. It was 12:50. I had called her before battery died. I just checked.

So yeah. That.

Apart from that, it was a regular day with a million calls and a billion emails and all that. But the night, last night was tough. I need to find a way out. I don’t know what could help. I read this recent piece by Adam Grant. He puts a word to my (and other’s) misery. Languishing.

I am experiencing, what he says, “dulling of delight or the dwindling of drive” and a possible antidote could be a project that stretches my boundaries and gets me in the flow frequently, and gives me a sense of progress.

Now, the job at hand is to identify that! Let’s see. Will report in the next few days. Some options could be…

Killer Boogie ;P
Code – build an app from scratch? I used to be good at code and I would often get in the flow when I did that.
Write (I consider writing regular work and thus I don’t want to put a separate tag to it).
Fitness. It’s been my anathema. I have had some start at it with a two-day streak of Surya Namaskars. Today would be third.

If you know me, do tell me what you think I could pick

Before I end this piece, I am thinking if I am finding it tough to continue, what about other people that are not as indifferent as I am about life and misery and fuckeries? Must help them in some way. #note2self

So that. Here’s the streaks.

Morning Pages / Meditations – 129
#aPicADay – 110
10K steps a day – 1!
OMAD – 0
#noCoffee – 42
#noCoke – 42
10 mins of meditation – 7
#book2 – 0
Killer Boogie – 0
Original Work (limited time only) – 6
Surya Namaskar – 2 (added today. Will track from now on)

This tracker now has 11 things on it. At this rate, I would track more than I would do! Lol!

Fuck, getting the mojo back.
Is it writing?
Is it the hope of a better life?
Or is it this video from the film Dangal that I saw to start the day?
See here…

Chalo, onto original work.

Day 7.

Yesterday, I added a few characters. I tried to find the conflict in Roshan’s life. I added a reluctafcnt love internest. Outside of this page, while walking, I saw a refresher on Hero’s Journey. I felt that my story has nothing so far. Which is true.

So, to push things forward, I think I will think/write about the plot in general. You know, freewriting. It’s 7:32. I will write till 8:15 or so. Need to be working from 9 onward and need 45 mins for yoga, potty, shower, etc.

Here we go.

[START]

So Roshan’s normal world is that of a happy-go-lucky, cheerful guy. The film could open on his hosting an event – he’s after all an MC and stand-up as well. I am thinking of Parijat as I create Roshan (the only stand-up I know). The opening scene must make Roshan likable. Right from the start. So when he gets to know that he has 14 days to live, the audience must gasp as well. Need to establish his charm, his mastery over this world. And then showcase the normal life.

The call to adventure could the death sentence. No, wait. That is not the adventure. That’s a crisis that he’s going to face while he works on the adventure. So, I need a part that’s his adventure. Could be a property dispute with his cousins. Could be COVID. Could be Cholera. Could be someone wanting to attack his family’s name. I need to work on this for sure. I don’t have this!

His moral dilemma about his limited time and all that he could do (ensure that his mother is safe and happy after he is gone, put his affairs in order etc) has to take the back seat. This would provide the conflict and will make his choose one over other eventually. This is what would probably divide the audience.

Refusal and the mentor could be the doctor. In fact the adventure could be something that relies on the expertise of a doctor. The mentor could be the mother as well.

The threshold is crossed when he embraces that he is at the point of no return. He is anyway going to die in 14 days. But while he is alive (and fading in faculty – he can’t just pop-off), he has to accept his mortality and jump onto the other side and become the savior. Of course, he has to fail to a point that he realizes that he needs the help of a mentor or something to battle it out.

Team, tests, etc. are simple. Need to develop sidekicks that assist him on the task. And things that stop him from reaching the place with the magic potion.

Innermost cave / apotheosis. This is where he seems to have lost everything in the battle. As a result of his own actions. This is when he would accept that he may die before he resolves the issue at hand. He should almost die. His medical condition must make it impossible for him to continue. But he will prevail.

Wait. I am only listing the steps of the Hero’s Journey. I am not adding anything to the story or pushing it.

Boon. This is where he would get the weapon needed to slay his monsters and

Not sure if I am well-read enough about the refusal to return but once he has mastered t his world, his “refusal” could be the want to live in the new world that he has created. The refusal to die. The grief that he had overcome when he set on this mission. Because he knew he was going to die. Now, he may want to live. Which is literally impossible. By this time, we should be on the 12th day or something.

Master of two worlds. This is when he eventually dies. People celebrate his death. Stories are written about the sacrifice he’s had to make along the way. Becomes a role model. This could be the thing that he wanted to become when he was alive but he gets his after his life. In the beginning, I can add a part where he declares to his mother that one day the entire world would thank him for what he’s done. His entire world is all of Indapur. Like Mohan’s world was limited to Charanpur. Roshan’s actions have to impact Indapur irreversibly. That is what he would be remembered for. In the story. And outside.

So that.

Ok, now I know the gaps (the central conflict, the personal conflict and more).

[END] [NOTES / THOUGHTS]

I am thinking, if the mother accepts Roshan’s terminal state, it would be too easy for Roshan. I must make it difficult for Roshan to communicate this to his mother. He will prepare her for his death but it has to be gradual. This is where he would need allies. May be Diksha gets to know by accident and Roshan leans on her to get the message across to the mother.
The death sentence is the ticking timebomb.
Can he become a killer or something of the characters in the village that are a pain in the ass? You know, imagine Sholay but only with Jai and Veeru about to die. They know they are gonna be dead. They are fearless. This taking of law in the hand could split the audience.
There could be a mystery that all these problematic people in the village are dying. And they pin the blame on Roshan. And they can’t find evidence. And Roshan is not the one who’s doing it! He in fact is told that if he doesn’t find who’s the one murdering, his mother would get killed. Sounds interesting.
I still need a backdrop. Draught? Drugs? Crime? Dispute? Religion? What else could he want to fix? What else may need fixing?

***

#notetoself – Continuing point 3 from above, if I know that I would die in 14 days, I get fearless and do things that I thought were impossible. I know that I would be dead in about 40 years (I hope I have longer!) and yet I am scared of a lot of things! Need to change this. This is exactly what Steve Jobs said!

So yeah.
That’s it for the day.
Need to find the flow thing.
Over and out.