Tag: C4E

42 things I’ve learnt in my 42 years

Note: I started writing this list 2 years ago but never got around to finishing it. Today I will.

Yesterday, Nikhila asked me, “What would you do if you were 21 again & knew everything you know today?“

I thought it was a great prompt to get thinking and writing about two things – what do I know today. And what would I do if I were 21 again.

So, let’s go.

A/ What do I know today?

AKA, 42 things I wish to tell a younger version of self.

What do I know today? Well, I have to admit. Not a lot. In fact more I know, the more I realize that there are more things that I do not know.

But then I started to write this list a couple of years ago and since today I’ve decided that I will get this done. Thanks, V for this 6 AM writing gift.

Oh, here are a few disclaimers before I start…

A/ Do read this in continuation to the list of things that I want to do in my 40s.

B/ On this list, I will only put in things that I have experienced firsthand. No gyaan but things that have happened to me. Or not happened to me. I dont want this to be fluff.

I mean I will not say, “eat more protein”. I know it’s a universal truth but I haven’t experienced the advantages of eating more protein and thus I can’t talk about it.

So, here is a list. In no order.

  1. Compounding is the 8th wonder of the world. Don’t know who said this. But it’s true. I’ve seen it in my life. Put everything on compounding treadmill.
  2. Time is limited. This is the single most important thing you have. Spend money to earn time. Never rent your time out. Find opportunities where your time is spent on meaningful things like lunches, conversations, etc.
  3. Dont hop from one thing to another. Never be in that zone of trying to find the next greener pasture. The grass is green on the side you choose to water it. Longer you water it, better it would be. Let it compound. Read point 1.
  4. Learn to spot energy vampires and energy boosters. Eliminate the vamps. Invest in boosters.
  5. Actions > Words.
  6. If you make a promise, you better keep it. Try to become consistent. I suck at this. I am trying hard. I don’t know if I would succeed.
  7. Some time ago, Sheba helped me discover the word that drives me. Movement. For a friend, it’s fearless. For someone else, it’s money. Find your word. Invest your entire being into it. Also, see this.
  8. The ability to do something in public is one of the most underrated ones. You could choose your vocation – write / design / dance / write / speak / make fun of people / cry / do your make up / share your travels etc. So, build in public. And talk about it on the internet. Learn from AK.
  9. Sleep well. Invest in your sleep. Do not make excuses about parties, work, networking, etc. Oh, while you may believe you are a “night person”, there is nothing more magical than waking up before the sun and seeing the sun shower the world with warmth. Of course, you may be a night owl. And that’s ok. You’re missing on it ;P
  10. Keep your back straight and rest will follow.
  11. Family > Friends. Family is what is imposed on you. Friends is what you choose. And you must choose carefully. These two (family and friends) will dictate how happy, how engaged, how inspired you live a life. I have been extremely lucky in this department.
  12. Think long-term. Everything I have today has come to me because I’ve operated from a time horizon of infinity. See 1 again.
  13. Know that you are an Average Joe. You are a midwit at best. I know of myself as the greatest gift to humankind and yet I know that I am an average. All the thing that dreams are made of – dating a supermodel, winning a jackpot, building a billion-dollar company – happens to people on the edges. I am not on the edge. Am bang in the middle of the middle. And thus I need to work hard. And I want to work at things that have the highest probability of success for an average person.
  14. Give each person you love one rupee and one brick. This is a maxim from baniya community and it translates into giving your people work and room. More on this someday. I am yet to do this as a process but I’ve been at it.
  15. Other people’s opinions don’t amount to much. They will not come to save you when you are drowning. Except when it affects your public reputation or brand.
  16. Build your personal brand. This is one of the biggest lessons ever and one of the things I wish I had known sooner. I’d go as far as to say, chase vanity numbers – 100K on Twitter, 1M on Instagram etc.
  17. See Pale Blue Dot every week.
  18. Practice delayed gratification. This is an easy muscle to build. Each time you are tempted to do something, take a 48-hour break!
  19. Read Naval. And implement what he says. While we are on reading, read Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus. This is a good starting point.
  20. There is no substitute for hard work. If two roads diverged in the woods and you want to want on the one that makes all the difference, take the harder one.
  21. Always operate from the humility of being a student. I know tons of young and younger folks who know that they know it all. And I am sure they do. And I see them as miserable humans. I don’t want to be that.
  22. Invest in relationships. All kinds. Romantic, friendly, professional, etc. I’ve been a great beneficiary of these investments. Apart from the love department, I’ve been lucky in all others. And let them compound. See point 1.
  23. Breathe. Meditate. Pause. Reflect.
  24. Assume that you are all alone. On the darkest nights and toughest battles, I’ve found myself by myself. No friends. No lovers (my lovers were the first ones to desert me). No one. Apart from my parents and my sis. I’ve had enough of troughs to now know that I need to learn how to operate as a lone warrior.
  25. Get a nice house to live in. When I say nice, I don’t mean you get Antilla. You need to get a room for yourself that no one can enter without your permission. Make it your abode. I have always overpaid for houses and I think the large investment is worth it. Oh, I still dont own one. I still live in a rented apartment.
  26. Fuck the FOMO.
  27. Take notes.
  28. Learn how to read people. Most people are guided by the same tiny set of things – appreciation, respect, vanity, greed, fear etc. Spot who’s guided by what and then operate from there on.
  29. Make friends with support staff. Invest in their stories, lives etc. Think of your Barista at a Starbucks. Think of your security guard, your domestic help etc. Know their names. Know their whys. Talk to them. More than a polite and transactional thank you when they serve you well, get to know them. These tiny things make life worth living.
  30. Make friends with people that you have an age gap of 10, 20, 30, even more. My closest confidante today is a 23-year-old. I seek advice from a 60-year-old advertising professional. I built SoG as a means to stay connected to young folks. I built party of 9 to find more people to learn from.
  31. Learn cold approach. I suck at this but I am learning. Read about PuAs. I should give myself a target of cold approaching 5 people every day.
  32. Ready. Fire. Aim.
  33. No, I don’t understand those maxims about direction and speed where they say that its important to go in the right direction (rather than going fast). If I knew the direction, I would run with speed. But like most folks, the direction is often not clear. I still dont know what I want to do in life. I dont have a mission. I dont know why I work hard. I do so because I dont know anything else. So, I operate with directionless speed. No, dont follow this advice 😀
  34. Go easy on wokeness. While inclusion is important, it has lately become a cog in the propaganda machinery and young folks dont know how to see through it. An easy way out is to be aware of woke conversations but do not attach your identity to those. Even if you feel strongly about those.
  35. Empathy is important. But not to the point that you can’t function.
  36. Build the muscle to take hard calls. Asking someone to fuck off because they are rude to you is easy. But letting go of a colleague who’s working hard and is committed and is loyal and you can’t see them improving is hard.
  37. The word “passion” is an over-abused one. You are not passionate about anything. You are merely seeing success in that thing. While you are on passion, read this by Giibran.
  38. Incentives have superpowers. If you want to know what drives who, try to see what incentives are in place. In fact, read everything by Charlie Munger.
  39. Learn how to not take a no. Again, I am trying to build this muscle. I think Dhirubhai used to say, “mujhe na sunnay ki aadat nahi hai“. Not sure. But I love the line.
  40. Ask yourself often, what is that you are willing to give up to get what you want. I first heard this from Ajeet Sir. I’ve given all and more to be at this place. And no, this is not enough. I wish I could have more. And no, I don’t mean it from a lens of a complaining old man but from that of someone who’s divinely discontent.
  41. All advice, all lists, all lessons, all things I know are an outcome of my own life. Most of these will not make sense to you. Most of these will not bear fruit. Most of these will be laughed upon. Like all general-purpose advice, take these 42 with a fistful of salt. Also see the last line of this post.
  42. This is THE most important thing I know and thus I kept it for last – “this too shall pass“

Phew!

I am sure there are more. Adding those in appendix below. But these 42 came to me at this time – 8:30 AM, 27 Sep 2024.

Onto what would I do today if I were 21 and knew everything that I listed above.

Oh, before the next section, if you’d like to subscribe to updates from me, please add your email below. Promise no spam 🙂

B/ What would I do today if I were 21?

This is a tough one to answer.

For the simple reason that folks may read this as a manipulative piece (I want to get a lot of young folks to work with me) and my number 1 advice would be to work with the 42-year version of me!

I mean it. Whoever is reading this, if what I’ve written makes sense, come work with me.

But I want to be fair to Nikhila. And I know she will not want to work with me. So, if I were to discard my number 1 advice, here’s some more things that I could do if I were 21…

1/ Reconsider your decision to not work with me. No one else will give you a long leash, opportunities, respect. Ask C. Lol!

2/ You can have only three parts of life – career, personal life, and social life. Each activity in life can easily be clubbed into one of the three. And here’s the thing I would want the 21-year version of me to do.

Choose one of the three.
One. Not two.
Not one and a half.

You will live a very unfulfilled life if you pick more than one of these. And yeah, I probably will get canceled. And I know there are people who manage to do all three. But then, I am an average Joe. See point 13 above.

3/ Submit yourself to a guru for 5 years. Think of this as the next education you’re getting after your college. You HAVE to be there for 5 years. And you will come out of the other side without a paper to certify. But you would probably have scars from skirmishes that you would recount with pride when you are old!

PS: I’ve not submitted myself to anyone but if I could, I would.

4/ Work in an events agency for five years. The exposure I got while I was at Gravity remains the most impactful in my life. It was helped by the fact that I was close to the founder (may be find work where you work with the founder), I was often in ambiguous places (build my muscle), unknown territory, and had a very long leash! So, may be not events but find a place that gives you all these things.

5/ Build in public. Something, anything. Even if it’s a doodle a day. Allow serendipity to happen. And while you do that, build your personal brand.

6/ See thing I know #17. Every week.

7/ Make a list of things you want from life. Make a list of things you are willing to give up to get what you want. See thing I know #40.

I guess this is it.
Do read the disclaimers.
Hope you get what you want from life.
May you live long and prosper.

As always, please point flaws in my thinking. Apart from typos ;P

Oh, and please share this with others and help me find more folks that I can work alongside and learn from!

Appendix: Additional things I know

I will keep adding to this list. I like the idea that this page would evolve into things I know. I will also strike out things that are no longer relevant.

27 Sep 2024

  1. It’s ok to have typos. No one cares. I know this piece has many!
  2. Attention to detail is a great skill to have but in case you dont have it, it’s okay.
  3. Excellence is overrated. In fact, this should make it to the list of top 42. But I dont know which one to remove.

28 Sep 2024

  1. Some people read the early draft and a couple of them mentioned that they’d like to read about anecdotes / stories behind each of these things and lessons. Maybe I will write a separate post. But at this time I don’t feel the need to write those.

More as they come.

Thanks to Nikhil, Ahona, Pradeep, Chandni and others for sharing feedback on an early draft. Thanks to Nikhila for the prompt. And Vaishnavi for the writing hour gift!

The last line

I read this fascinating list by Kevin D where he’s talking about his 50 lessons as he turned 50. His 43rd point is, “43. Only take advice from people who embody the traits you want to have. Talk is cheap—emulate those who have DONE it. (Especially important here on X where charlatans run rampant.)”. Emphasis mine.

So, please take this advice with that disclaimer 🙂

I’ve failed.

So I’ve failed. 

Lemme elaborate on this clickbaity headline. And this is about C4E – one of my life’s works.

Here’s some context.

I started C4E sometime in 2015 or 2016. Thanks to the generosity of Rajesh Sir at VISCOMM, I got off to a great start. But I couldn’t keep up the momentum. Things went along like you would expect them to at a startup. Just that we weren’t a startup per se – we were more of a regular business.

And then in COVID, I had to sort of pause. And with the help of Parijat and Pooja, C4E took rebirth in 2020. Both Ps continue to be well-wishers and tethered to us. In Poo’s case, she continues to have the option of being the founder alongside me. As I say often, her chappals occupy the highest throne at C4E.

So, with time, I have grown up and my thinking has evolved. And the world around us changed. And I have seen people change. And from wanting to be the richest man in the world, I’ve started to think a lot more about delivering insane impact, while being the richest man in the world. And from wanting to build a well-oiled machinery, I have pivoted to the want of building an org that is more human than anything else.

Human in my book means – empathetic, soft-spoken, polite, fair, “nice” and all that. Plus, at C4E, each human must (in the order I’ve written below)…

  1. have the respect (as a human) of everyone in the ecosystem. We are ok to let go of clients, people, things if we don’t spot respect. And respect goes beyond general niceness and politeness. And respect needs to be earned and not commanded or demanded.
  2. offer this respect to everyone else. And respect is in action (and not in words). And it’s in tiny things. For example, every email unanswered reeks of disrespect. Every time we leave someone on “seen” and not respond, it’s disrespect. Even if they are wrong. Each time we promise we’ll do something and we don’t that’s disrespect. Not showing up 2 minutes before the appointed time is disrespectful. I can go on for hours on this but I am sure you get the gist.
  3. have the freedom of their time to a reasonable extent (if not 100%).
  4. get fair and timely compensation for the time and energy they put in. Please note I am not indexed on competitive, world-class, market rates etc. I am indexed on fair and timely.
  5. have the opportunity to find a balance (of work and play) in their lives. It’s only them who get to decide what is work or what is play. And C4E must enable that. I’d go a layer deeper and say that their work at C4E must give them a sense of identity and pride. In my case, all of it is work. In the case of some of my colleagues, work is not even a part of their identity.
  6. come with the intent to put in honest, hard work that enables them to “earn” money, respect, the freedom of time and the opportunity to find the balance harmony in their lives. We are a smart bunch and we spot when people try to fool us. And we assume that the world out there is smart as well and they can spot when we try to fool them.
  7. have the drive to grow by doing more and the willingness to contribute to the growth of others. If not of the entire world, then of C4E Village. If not that, then at least the colleagues at C4E. If we don’t grow, we are dead.

PS: I am sure there would be more things that I want people at C4E to have, but these come to my mind as I write this. I will continue to update this.

PPS: I know that people don’t have an inherent awareness of many of the above. As the leader of the pack (I still get uncomfortable calling myself a leader), thus, it’s my job to train, educate, upskill, push, nudge, support, and encourage my people to become the best version of themselves.

And yes, even though I want my people to get all the things in the list above, we must acknowledge and know that we are a business at the end of the day. And as a business, we need to make money. And a lot of that hopefully. Money keeps the machinery running well. I need to pay people fairly and on time. I need money to enable a lot of things that we do at C4E. I need money to pay for my Starbucks!

Of course, we owe it to our shareholders (largely Pooja, myself and some others), mentors, clients, villagers, friends and others. In that order.

But we owe the most to our people. More than shareholders or mentors. It’s our people that make us who we are. The very foundation of C4E is people and the list that I shared above is a non-negotiable. I am lucky and grateful that people at C4E have chosen to invest their most important asset in C4E – time!

And if I am unable to offer my people all the things that I’ve listed above, I would consider myself a failure.

And this brings me to the clickbaity headline.

I’ve failed.

No, I will not go into details of why I’ve failed and what was the point of fault that triggered these thoughts. That stuff goes on my echoChamber. What goes here is acknowledgement that I’ve failed to offer the things that I’ve listed above.

In my head, I have failed to the point that while showering today a few days ago, I decided that I would shut the business on 31 Mar 2025. I thought that I would give my team, my clients and everyone a 7-month notice. I thought of scenarios after that and decided that I would do nothing for a while (may be a year) and drift around. May be reset life at the fabled age of 42!

But then I told myself the following…

It’s my raita. It’s my village. And I can’t take the easy way out. I can’t quit till I’ve reached where I want to reach (please don’t ask me what is this ‘where I want to reach’ – I have a fuzzy picture of me floating in gold like Uncle Scrooge would). And, most important, if not me, who? Reminds of this quote I read yesterday…

It says,

“Look at your habits: Are they the product of innumerable little cowardices and lazinesses…or of your courage and inventive reason?”

And poof! All doubt was gone. All the lingering feeling was gone. I had failed. But I shall rise. At least I will try to. And thus, ladies and gents, we continue to march on. And do whatever it takes to bring my house to order.

Watch me.

PS: While editing this, I realised, I could’ve very well titled this post The C4E Manifesto. Or the C4E values. Or even the C4E promise.

C4E Review – H1 2024

H1 2024 report for C4E and the business.

Hi!
6 months of 2024 are over.
And that means it’s time for a review.
Let’s go.

Also, for context, here are a couple of posts that I would use as reference points – C4E 2023-24 Annual Shareholder Report and my #in2024 letter.

I will break this report into sections. These are…

  • What is working well for us?
  • What is not working well? What are our challenges?
  • What is the plan for the rest of the year?
  • Some personal updates
  • Parting notes

Come join me for a ride.

Wait. Before we get started, here’s a postcard for you 🙂

This is from the most recent CSS (#CSS4) that happened on the 29th of June.

1/ What is working well for us at C4E?

This is my second favourite part (wait a bit for the favourite part).

So here are the things that are working well for us.

A/ We refuse to die.
To me, this is the biggest and the best thing ever. We’ve got our ups and downs but I believe that are not dying anytime soon. In fact, we are larger and hopefully stronger than ever.

B/ People seem to be happy
Most people at C4E seem to be happy.

Of course, I could be wrong since I dont get to talk to most folks on a day-to-day basis. And when I talk to clients, most clients seem to be happy with how our people conduct themselves. So the first pillar of C4E – People – is in place. They are happy. That translates into them putting in the effort for clients. Clients see that. And they shower praises. And then its a loop. So alls well.

But then I do see a challenge in making my people participate in non-work activities (such as Growth Sessions, thinking for the org, expanding our services). Apart from a few enthu cutlets, org-wide we are not really on a treadmill per se.

And in spite of that, I can safely say that my vision for the village seems to be coming to life. So that’s a BIG win.

C/ Clients
We retained our clients (though not at the money that I would have wanted to earn). We acquired new clients. And we let go of clients where money-mazaa-effort equation did not add up.

On this, allow me to elaborate. We are ok to ask for less if we have a lot of fun with work. We are however not willing to work with clients where we get paid less, we dont have fun and work is demanding beyond reason. While we are in a buyer’s market where clients get to dictate things, we continue to hold our heads high and only work on things where either we make money or we have a lot of fun. Or in rare cases, we get the benefit of the brand.

D/ Processes
As with any small business, the first chasm to cross is when you put in processes. We have started to!

While a lot of these are still not documented, we are much more structured now compared to when we started. The next step is to document these processes.

E/ Succession. Lol.
I am trying to not run C4E on a day-to-day basis. And I am almost there. The year-end review of C4E will come from the desk of Chandni. Hopefully 😀

F/ Cut losses
In the last 6 months, I’ve got out of two of my favourite projects – TRS and Podium. And the decision did not come easy. It was like letting go of a limb. Two in this case. But then I had to do it.

Of course, I continue to believe in the potential of both of these projects and I really wish I could manage them better. One ran for over 6 years. The other was for almost 4 years. I was unable to take either to profitability. More than that, in both cases, we couldn’t make decisions that would have taken us towards profitability.

I’ve learnt very very expensive lessons from both. Expensive in terms of time, money and mindspace. I will try to not repeat those as I seed DD (the only other for-profit idea that I am working actively on apart from C4E) and help Prak with PPP.

The point is, going forward, I will cut losses fast.

G/ Planted new 💣💣💣!
This means, we bought new domain names. We are now proud owners of VersovaIsHome, Decoding Duryodhan and a few more. What would each do, I am not so sure at this time. But kuch to hoga.

2/ What is not working well? What did I miss?

This is my most favourite part. Also, all misses are mine and not of the team.

A/ We remain a company that can’t pay well.
I really really want to fix this. I want to be able to pay top dollar to everyone.

B/ Cash flow is a challenge.
This has more to do with me, to be honest than anything else. I tend to bleed with experiments that don’t need our time or energy. I am investing in things that we do not need to at this time (see 1G above). I am not prudent with money at all.

And some clients have delayed our payments for structural reasons at their end (and at our scale, it is tough to sort of keep a float). I would never not pay our people because clients did not pay. So, I need to borrow. At this point, I now have more debt on me than I had at the lowest point of COVID.

So, I need to work on this. And I will do so over the next 6 months.

C/ Brand.
Our brand remains a challenge. We are still not as well known as we’d like to be. Leave the well part. We are not even known. We are far far away from the big leagues. We are unable to price our services the way we’d like to. We are unable to attract talent that seeks higher compensation.

A few months ago I decided that I would run this myself. However, I have failed at this. I will push this going forward.

C.1/ C4E Website / Creds
Our website is terrible.
Our creds are nice but I am not sure they are relevant in this day or age.

I need to work on this. We’ve made a brief but we haven’t been able to put things in motion.

However, I will push on this.

D/ No action on expansion
When we started the year I had promised that we would open up in a different geography. So far, we haven’t done anything to do that. We are very much in India. Concentrated in Mumbai.

Over the next 6 months, I will take one more shot at building our presence outside India. And I will try and sell something online. Wish me luck.

E/ One loss away from ruin
We continue to be one loss away from ruin.

We are very very leveraged as a business – we make money, we pay a randomly large chunk of that to people who work on projects (leaving C4E as an org with little and thus no savings), we move on. We don’t have a treasury per se. At some point in time, we will have to get that going.

If we lose a client, the ability to pay money to that team goes for a toss. Now that team is supporting other teams. And that goes for a toss as well. The entire business model crumbles like a House of Cards.

I need to ensure that we are not this fragile. Truth be told, I dont know how to do this. Any help?

3/ The plan for the rest of the year

So for the rest of the 6 months, need to work on a few things (as listed above). Apart from those, some others are…

A. “Corporate” Initiatives
It sounds funny to call C4E a corporate.

These include…

  • Putting in place a board of directors (would you like to nominate someone?)
  • Amping up our brand (means a new website, a new creds deck etc)
  • Acquiring new clients (see 2E)

Am sure there are more but these are the top of my head at this time.

B. One more attempt at new geography or a new business
Same as 3D. I will take one more shot at building our presence outside India. And I will try and sell something online.

So that.

4/ Personal updates

Not too much to report here (I dont think I am in the mindspace to talk about this). But here’s a list.

  1. Health is on a fast car without brakes hurling down the steepest hill you can imagine.
  2. On a personal level, I am probably at the lowest point – nothing exciting. I haven’t even been talking to my parents / sibling / friends etc. All I do is think of work and then nothing.

Nothing apart from that on the personal front.

5/ Ending notes 

As I reflect on how things have been at C4E in the last 6 months, the biggest takeaway is that the Village seems to be coming to a reality. If I had my way I would find a physical space – in Bombay or Goa or Dubai or anywhere and then build another iteration of village there.

Second, I am no longer the face of C4E and it’s now split between AK, C, Prak and others.

Third, you will notice that I haven’t talked about numbers at all. And that’s by design. We will never chase a numbers target as long as I have a say here at C4E.

Third Point One. I have also not talked about awards we won (we won none), accolades we got (many), business impact we made (we dont track – we may have to change this) or any other things that typically make the highlight of such reports. The reason is my aversion to these vanity conversations. To me, the most important thing is day to day contentment and happiness of people that have chosen to call C4E home. And there’s no way I can measure that.

Four. I would have liked to capture some lessons from the last few months. Again, I am not sure how to quantify that. So I will leave it at that.

This is it!

If you’ve read this till here, please do let me know what you think and what I can improve upon.

Over to you!

PS: I am glad I could write this. The report helps me take stock of where I am. Where C4E is. And how far are we from where we want to be and how am doing as part of the village.

PPS: Thanks to Pradeep and Prakruti for the edits.

Untitled – 19 Jun 2024

An untitled rant about things that are clouding my head.

Morning ladies and gents. Here are the things that I want to catalogue on the 19th of Jun 2024. This is a brain dump of all that I’ve been thinking about over the last few days.

1/Rain is here in Mumbai 🙂

Love it!

I know there is muck and stink and all that but I am ok as long as I can go home and shower. I think it’s my most favourite season. While it’s still hot and muggy, the shower sort of cleans you from within. Like a shower for the soul!

If I had my way I would get wet each time it rains. Someday I would have a house with a terrace and I’d just lie down while the rain gods belt me with their amrit and prasad.

I know a lot of folks I know dont like rains and it’s ok. I also tend to not like it when the aircraft shakes likes a mixer in the monsoons. But then its a small price to pay for the gorgeousness of baarish 🙂

Here’s an exhibit.

2/ Am taking a backseat from day-to-day operations at C4E.

Something that I’ve wanted to do for long.

Not because I want to retire but because I want to be able to do more with my time. I want to expand us beyond the borders of India and build more things for the entire village. I also want to take a shot at building a unicornable idea. Right now, C4E does not look like one.

I tried to go offline and pass on the baton a few years ago and when I did that (I went to EBC) and I lost 66% of my business.

Fast forward to 2024. In C, I have identified a fairly able person. Plus I’ve trained over the last two years. And we’ve set things in motion.

We are experimenting till Sep of 2024 and then we’ll see where it goes.

I just need to figure if she would stay with me for the long haul. My experience of having people stay with me is not the greatest. And since it’s just not one person that has moved on, it has to be me at fault. So that.

Also, my insecurity with “my” people has sort of resurfaced with this decision. I thought I had made peace with people moving on. But now I know I haven’t been able to. And I dont know what to do to settle this. I dont know how people find people that would stay together for lifetimes. I dont know how to get used to see people drift away from your life. I dont understand how people you decided to build your life with are no longer in your life. There are times when I still think about all those folks that have moved on. While I need to have happy memories, I tend to get not so pleasant ones as well. And now that I have put this ball in motion, am mindfucked half the times, thinking about when (not if) when C moves. Ok, clarification (realised this while editing). It’s not about her. It’s about me and in my inability to hold people together. Plus this is a recency thing. I realised that less than a month ago that one of my super-long-term friends moved on without telling me. And I am yet to come to terms with that. So that.

Anyhow. We’d come to it when we come to it. For now, the transition is in place.

3/ Lost sight of 40 crores target.

For context, I had decided that in this financial year, I would do a topline of 40 crores. And Q1 is almost over and we are not even at 40 lakhs. I’ve lost sight of the goal 🙁

I can justify this by saying that am building the base for the next phase of growth. After all, we have processes for most things, we have documented a lot of things, there’s a transition happening at C4E. There is no need for me to be involved in large decisions. Etc etc.

But the hard cold fact remains that we are VERY VERY far from 40. Heck, the way we are going, even doing last year’s 4 looks tough!

And no, I am not worried or anything. I am putting this on record. And no, there’s no pressure on anyone from my team to do more than what they want to. Just that we need to be aware of this and then at some point act on it. And since the transition is underway, it’s C’s problem now ;P

4/ Being unhealthy.

I dont know what to do about it. Despite being a diabetic, I haven’t moved a muscle on things. I dont know what to do. Thing is, apart from this health thing, I am NOT lazy at all. And even when I see my energy waning, I am not inspired to do more. Just today I walked 1000 steps and I was puffling like I had run a marathon!

I even have my why to live and yet I am not willing to work on my how or what. As an aware, intelligent, smart and all that man, I know this is not the right thing if I have to do more in life.

But I am unable to fix it. Maybe I will pick some sport. Maybe yoga. Maybe I will finally join a gym, my hernia be damned. Or dance. I really really would like to have a chiseled physique like Jason Statham’s. Sigh.

Oh, I am munching on snacks as I write this!

And this is it. No, no intervention is needed. This is my public journal of thoughts and ideas. I am ok. As ok as I can be. Thank you for indulging me ;P

The C4E 2023-24 Annual Shareholder Report

Hello! 
So FY24-25 is upon us.
And here’s my attempt at reporting how the last year was and what we plan to do this year. 

Before I start, I wish to reiterate a few things that I will not compromise on while we build C4E. 

  1. We will always be a culture-first, open company and we will prioritise the health and wellness of our people over profits. And this does not mean we would take it easy. See the next point.
  2. We would not be outworked. (credit to Will Smith for the seed). We are not the most talented team but we would be the most hardworking team. We would work harder than anyone else but we will also choose what to work on, how to work and who to work with. 
  3. Today we may be offering a service X. Tomorrow we may offer Y. Day after Z. Whatever we may do at any point in time, we would do it in the C4E style (I need to write this guide) and all of us at C4E acknowledge that we are in this for the long haul and we are preparing ourselves for a Mahabharata – whenever that dawns upon us.

So with that, let’s go.

PS: In this entire piece, I am very mindful of the use of I and We. And I haven’t used these two words interchangeably.

1/ So, what is C4E?

Lemme start at the start.
What the heck is C4E?
I get this question a lot.
And here is my attempt to write about it.

I’ll start with what we are not.

We are NOT a communication business.
Yes, we make our money by offering services in brand strategy, social media, website design, marketing collaterals and more. We do this for large companies, startups and individuals. We do this by working on ongoing retainers and one-time projects. We do this by ourselves and with the help of numerous contractors. And we compete with other communication agencies of all shapes and sizes. And when someone asks who we are, we introduce ourselves as a communications collective.

But… but that’s how we make money.
Our identity as a group is different from what we do to make ends meet. 

So more than anything, C4E is a village. Inspired by this post, here is my revised definition of the village. 

We are a virtual place (for the time being) where each person is part of a village, a community larger than themselves.

Each person at The C4E Village is at most separated by two degrees. Each has been invited by someone we trust. And there is inherent trust and safety in being part of this community.

At the C4E village you can lean on others for help, support, input, connections and if nothing else, to have a good time!

Saurabh Garg

No village can ever exist without its people.

So if I were to ever talk about what business we are in, I would say, we are in the people business. Each thing we do is to bring people together, learn from each other and grow on the shoulders of each other.

Plus, we will always be big on culture. We will be open. We will encourage freedom and movement. And yet offer reliability. And like most communes in this VUCA world, we would make ourselves a perpetual learning machine. 

So today the C4E Village operates as a communication collective. Eventually, we would take some other shape. Whatever that is.

2/ What did we do in 2023-24? 

If I were to capture this in one line, I would say, 2023-24 was a great year for us but it could’ve been better. I like the idea of being divinely discontent! 

2.1. Here are some wins to start with…

2.1.1/ We added more people to the team than I had imagined.

In 2023 we were 5+.
Now we are 10+.
We pay 30+ people every month.
The fee ranges from 5K to approx 150K.
No. I am not the highest-paid person at C4E.

If things go the way they are, we will be 20+ by the end of this FY.

PS: + refers to people who are third-party contractors that are not “married” to C4E.

2.1.2/ The C4E Delivery Model

While we’ve grown in numbers, we’ve remained a remote-first team. At some point in this FY, I will get a physical office in Mumbai but no one would be forced to be in office.

Despite our distance and the nature of work, we’ve been able to arrive at a delivery model where we deliver with insane reliability! It is built on the pillars of overcommunication, redundancy, frugality, freedom and trust. This has to be one of my biggest achievements. I know that as we scale this would get more and more tough to manage. But like in the previous times, we will learn and scale.

Happy to give gyaan on this, in case. 

2.1.3/ We clocked our highest turnover since we started

We incorporated C4E in 2016.
Back then, I created the legal entity to be more tax efficient. Now, of course, we are a business with people and projects and profits.

We closed the last financial year with our highest turnover yet. We clocked in the vicinity of half a million dollars. I can share the actual number if you want. Ask me.

In terms of numbers, YoY, our turnover grew 86%. This means if we billed 100 in 2022-23, this year we billed 186.

In the last year, we made 178 invoices, served 43 clients, and offered services across 10 business verticals. In the previous year, these numbers were 135, 32, and 8 respectively.

2.1.4/ Acquired a few large clients

While I take pride in being the best friend to a founder, the nature of business dictates that we get some large companies. These companies help with retainers and that helps with building the team. So we were keen on getting some retainers and luckily friends and mentors gave us access to leads that we could convert into clients.

Some new clients that we started working with include GE Healthcare, Ajax Engineering, HDFC Ergo, Ageas Federal Life Insurance, Lux Cozi, Case New Holland, and others. As third-party contractors to other agencies, the team worked on Incredible India, AMFI, Microsoft and more.

We did lose a few clients. In most cases, we decided to pause our engagement. More on this later.

There’s a red flag here, however. Most of these new clients offered work to Saurabh Garg. Not to C4E. Today, the business is large enough that we need to have a structured business growth team that builds business independent of Saurabh. This is one of the problems 🔴 (I will use this dot to capture problems) I will work on with the team as we go along.

2.2. Some losses…

While the year was great all around, we made some blunders and losses as well. Here’s a list of the ones big enough that they need cataloguing… 

2.2.1/ We had to let go of some colleagues and some colleagues let go of us.

While each person who comes into C4E is carefully vetted, we do make mistakes. So there was someone that we had to let go of. This is the second time since I started C4E in this avatar that I had to make the decision to ask someone to leave.

On the other hand, at least two colleagues chose to stop working with us. In both cases, they chose to move on because the money I could offer them was not enough for them. And that is the second thing that I want to fix as we go along 🔴. I want to pay more to my people. And to pay more, I need to earn more. And I need to work on that. We need to work on this.

2.2.2/ The Red Sparrow (TRS)

To be honest, this is more of a loss at a personal level but because I used C4E’s money for this, I am accountable. And I must document this.

So, neither we nor I are no longer a part of TRS. I was unable to communicate my vision to my co-founder and I was unable to spot a merit in her vision. We tried to disagree and commit but that road too wasn’t taking us anywhere. So instead of raising a child in a broken home, we decided to part ways. 

Films remain a dream. And I will ensure that at least I am a player in the film business. This is thing number 3 that I want to work on 🔴.

2.2.3/ We had to let go of some clients

I will not use specific names but I realised that ALL (bold statement) clients that we let go of had the same traits. These are…

  1. Unclear briefs
  2. Unreasonable expectations (though I love the idea of being unreasonable)
  3. Neverending iterations
  4. Micromanagement
  5. No value on time. Time is THE most non-fungible asset and I do not want to commit to a place where time is treated as if it’s in abundance. We are not in the business of renting our time and we will not be held accountable to a clock.

Of course, this is my version. This is my side of the story. If you spoke to these clients, they would have their versions. And trust me, I have tried to understand my and our shortcomings from them but I haven’t got any clear answers. So that.

3/ A report on SG as a leader of C4E

Brings me to a self-evaluation-ish report. I dont have a strict win-loss-fix format for this. I will talk in bullets. And I will keep my personal goals, plans away from this. For that, I have this tracker.

So, I recently declared myself a benevolent dictator.
I got some flak for it.
And I am ok.
And as a very self-aware person, I know my limitations as a human and a leader. And I know that the current version of SG is simply not equipped to lead the C4E of tomorrow. 

So, I know that I need to scale alongside C4E.

As a result, I have started to invest more time into being a better human and a better leader. Of course, my world revolves around me but I am seeing the shift in me where am ok to be a distant planet in someone else’s solar system! 

I have started to work in a manner that will make my team want to ape (hello, mimetic theory) and do better. And I have started to be more mindful of my words and actions. I’ve even engaged with a coach to help me with the next steps. Most work that he and I are doing is for the org, to be honest, but I am learning alongside.

And in the coming year, I will focus on building C4E (read a dilemma towards the end). This will mean I need to do the following…

  1. Inspire better people to work with us. When I say better, I dont mean our current team is not great. I mean the quality of applications we get needs to be better. We should be spoilt for choice. After all, people create magic and we need great people for grand magic shows.
  2. Put more structure into things. This means, building processes and creating failsafe mechanisms. From BD to delivery to money management. Like I mentioned earlier, Saurabh today is the linchpin that holds the org. I dont like that. Org needs to have more robustness.
  3. Get a design leader on board. This has been my number one challenge for eternity. Lemme put a red dot on this 🔴.
  4. Expand into new service lines or geographies. We already have one retainer client out of Dubai. We service it via a remote team, managed by a partner in Goa. Isn’t this amazing? More on this during the year.

While none of these 4 look like revenue-making actions, I believe these four would give me the grounding we need, the base we need to establish before we can jump to the next level. 

3.1/ The lessons I learnt while running C4E in the last year?

Quite a few! List…

3.1.1/ The respect you get from the world is directly proportional to the amount of money you make.
I have been aware of this for a while but in the last year when I made visible money, I saw the attitudes of people changing. And you know what? I never want to go back to being poor again.

3.1.2/ There could be merit in saying no!
I have almost never said no to things. This is very different from what most people recommend in this day and age and yet I continue to say yes.

However, in the last year, I said no to at least 3 clients that were sucking away more energy than what we got as ROI. In terms of ROI, we want to make any two of three – learning, money or reputation. With these clients, we were only making money. Truth be told, it was hard to say no to money. Especially as a growing business but I am glad we did.

3.1.3/ Safe havens are not where mettle is tested
Nothing new or interesting in this. In the past year, we’ve had multiple instances where people in the team had to step up their game. Some did. Some did not. While we were prepared for such challenges, till we faced those for real, we did not know if we were prepared.

4/ The road ahead for C4E / What do we plan to do in 2024-25?

So, what next?
Afterall, all is well.
Money is coming in.
Clients are happy.
Culture is good great.
Now what?

Honestly, I dont know where to go from here on. I have a vague idea. I need to get the team together to do this. This is a task in itself. Big enough to have a red dot 🔴.

But I do know that I dont want stasis.
I dont want to sit easy.
I dont want to NOT make more effort than last year.

So that.

For starters in 2024-25, I want to 10X our topline.

And I dont know where this would come from. In terms of vague ideas, I shared the following with the team…

  1. New territory – establish presence outside of India
  2. New service – films, design etc. 
  3. New projects – C4Efilms platform
  4. New focus / niche – crypto, d2c, affiliate, funnel, drip, healthcare etc

Each of these four has the potential to add a multiple to our topline. Each is doable. Each is equally tough.

So these four.

I dont know which one will we end up working on. We are still thinking. One thing’s for sure – whatever we do, we dont want to compromise on our values, promises, ethos or culture.

Oh, while the team will figure this part out, here are a few things that you can help us with.

4.1/ What do we need help with at C4E?

I’ve made this list of open challenges at C4E. The intention is to keep this as an open document and build C4E in public. You are welcome to pick up any of these and throw help, ideas, inputs, connections etc.

To make it palatable, at this time (7 April 2024), the key problems are…

  1. Build Brand C4E – We are still not a brand that people aspire to attach their name to. As a client, as a team member, as a contractor.
  2. Creative leader/owner – We need someone to lead the creative function. Someone hands-on. Someone willing to help the team and hustle.
  3. Set up an office outside India.
  4. Build a product / productised service – We want to be out of service business.
  5. BD for C4E – We still don’t know how to acquire new business. Our pitching muscle is weak. I suspect once we get a creative leader on board, we will be able to fix this.
  6. C4E website – Lol

At a personal level. I need help on the following…

  1. SoG – building the next edition of SoG.
  2. Brand SG – I want to attract clients and people and opportunities. And thus I will have to build my brand. I’ve never worked hard on it, even though I have a lot to say about it. Maybe in this year. This is also a large goal for me for 2024.
  3. Hire for Team SG / SG’s office. I need someone to be dedicated to helping me do more.

Brings me to a large dharam-sankat. Aka dilemma that I talked about earlier.

4.2/ SG’s Dilemma

So, here’s a dilemma that I am stuck with.

At the place where C4E is at, I have three paths.

  1. I can easily become a “regular” business, squeeze my team and take home a lot of money. And then live a good life.
  2. Invest profits into building a product / startup that has a shot at being a unicorn. Today I don’t. And I’d be honest. I really really really would like to be among the richest people around.
  3. Grow C4E into a communication business and take a shot at being a CLA, if not an Ogilvy.

Each day I wake up with a different want. Each day I want to take a different direction. I know the answer would come from within but this one large decision is what I need to work on and then go all-in.

5/ In the end…

As I end this, here’s a question.

What can we at C4E help you with?

Some ideas could be…

  1. We are good at building a great culture. At least at our scale. Do you need gyaan on that?
  2. We want to be the shoulders for your success. You stand on top of our shoulders and do well. Tell us what boost you need and we’ll do that.
  3. Throw any problem at us – marketing, communication, strategy, brand, etc. We are resourceful. Relentlessly resourceful at that. And we know a guy that knows a guy!

So yeah.
This is about it for the report.
Please do write to me, should you have any questions. Or feedback. Or inputs. Or brickbats.

PS: If you have feedback for me at personal level, you may please use this form – https://forms.gle/28bVP8DYz2WGdHdp8. This is 100% anonymous. Like I mentioned earlier, I am a self-aware individual and I am willing to work hard to become better.

Thank you!

6/ Notes

  1. I would have liked this letter to be more extensive. But I couldn’t for my life figure out what to write. But then, am glad I started. I plan to send a quarterly update as well. I hope to get better as we go along.
  2. This is inspired by AK’s shareholder report series. The latest one is here.
  3. The last time I wrote something like this, I published it here. I plan to be more regular from now on.

A Benevolent Dictator

At C4E, I am going to adopt the leadership style of a benevolent dictator and this is my attempt at the rationale.

A few days ago I met this classmate from MDI that I hadn’t met since we passed out of there.

In these 18 years, he’s lost at least 18 KGs and I am guessing made more than 180 million dollars (in USD) as personal wealth. The first two numbers are real. The last number is my best guesstimate.

And thanks to his work, he’s got visibility with some of the most celebrated entrepreneurs from around the world. To the point that he knows many billionaires on a first-name basis. Which is great. But that’s not the point of this post. While talking, he used the term Benevolent Dictator.

And that is what the post is about.

Benevolent Dictator.

Of course, the term sounds fancy.

And it means fancy things as well.

And it looks fancy when looked at from the eyes of Chat GPT.

Chat GPT’s interpretation of a benevolent dictator

Back to my friend.

He explained what this term meant to him. And whatever he said made a lot of sense. I came back home and read more about it and I am so inspired by what I read that I am willing to change my leadership style!

If I were to define a benevolent dictator, I would lean on this definition I found online (I missed capturing the source)…

A ‘benevolent dictator’ does what he deems necessary ‘for the greater good’ of the state he rules over, or the nation he specifically belongs to. An ordinary ‘malevolent dictator’ has no such concerns and is only interested on keeping power on his hands for the kicks of it.

Source missing.

How would this awareness change me? What am I so inspired by?

Lemme try and explain and catalogue the changes that I would make in my life.

For starters, I am willing to admit that I am a leader (of at least C4E).

This is a far cry from what I’ve maintained all my life (that I am no leader per se and if at all I am one, I am at best a “servant leader” – a position of responsibility where my job is to support people in doing theirs well). I have never set directions, dictated targets, pushed for deadlines, asked to deliver or did anything that you would expect a typical “leader” to. I’ve worked to build consensus in each decision. I’ve operated from empathy, at the cost of topline and profits. I’ve had people make decisions and I’ve always used Bezos’ disagree and commit. If there’ve been times when I hated the decisions taken by our folks, I’ve remained stoic and told myself that this too shall pass. And it often passes. Now, I probably will get into nuance (in the video, Jeff mentions that he often commits because he’s able to trust others and they’ve been together for years and he’s seen their judgements turn out better etc etc) before I disagree and commit. I am getting too much into details but I hope the thought is clear.

Then, as I read more about benevolent dictators, I realised that almost all progress (good, bad or in between)- human, technological, philosophical, societal, or otherwise – was seeded by dictators.

Lemme lean on history here.

The ones who were not kind pushed and left their people in a mess, a ruin. There are quite a few examples. Hiter is often called a mad dictator. There’s a long list of tyrants. I am not as well-read to have a direct opinion.

The ones who were benevolent took their people to a place of prosperity, peace and progress. Most people agree that Singapore’s Lee Kuan Yew was a benevolent dictator who made Singapore what it is today – a developed, prosperous state. I read on Quora that Marcus Aurelius is also often regarded as a benevolent dictator. Of course, I am a fan of Aurelius and anything and everything he does is worth copying.

The absolute power that these dictators commanded allowed them to make decisions that they would otherwise not be able to make in a democracy where different powers move things in different directions. And in decision is where the progress is. In indecision, there’s only potential. And I believe that any progress, even if it’s in the negative zone, is better than potential. Another example – Steve was a dictator (he might or might now have been benevolent) and he made decisions that made Apple what Apple is.

Now with power and the ability to make decisions, you can either go mad or you can see Pale Blue Dot often and become a benevolent dictator.

So, if I want to create progress in my village, I need to be able to make bold decisions, at the cost of displeasing my people and living with the knowledge of those tough decisions.

This is also important to me at a personal level. Especially if I want C4E and myself to go from a mild success to a wild success.

So, what does ‘SG as a Benevolent Dictator’ mean for C4E?

Benevolent Dictator is made of two words – benevolent and dictator. Each is important. Allow me to write about those and find an answer.

Benevolence is top-down kindness that “rulers” often shower their people on. I dont agree with this idea of benevolence. I am no one to give kindness from top-down. I am one of the people who run the business. And at no point I want to “give” to anyone. My definition of benevolence means shared kindness, equity, freedom, independence, personal liberty and more.

Dictator is someone who has complete control, authority and autonomy to work in the way they deem fit. I like this definition. I want to be responsible for actions at C4E and the output of C4E. All this while, I wasn’t. I was at best one of the folks who would own a part of the output. Now, I will change this.

The dictator has some resources (people and otherwise) and they need to apply their brains, will, persuasion, connections, ideas and all that to get the best possible return. In most cases, the resources are scarce. At least in my case, they are. I need to put them to optimal use!

So, as the Benevolent Dictator at C4E, I need to marshall my resources and take all of us to prosperity. And while I do that I need to keep reminding myself that I am at the service of C4E.

So that.

What would change in how I run C4E?

Lemme start with a lesson that I learnt from Gokul. He envisions CynLr as a platform for opportunity exchange. I would like C4E to be the same. Further, in the words of Rajesh Sir, I want to be like a hose through which prosperity and opportunity flows. I want to give shoulders to people. And no, I do none of these with an altruistic intent. I know that kindness and getting people together is the best strategy for long-term, sustainable profitability and I want to do that.

I believe that at C4E, of all the people on the team, I am best equipped to take on this role and maximise outcomes. Hello, delulu 😀

And the change at C4E? Truth be told, I dont know this yet. These are some broad areas that I am thinking about.

A/ I would start asking for more accountability.
This doesn’t mean people at C4E are not accountable – they are FAR more accountable than an average professional. Just that we tend to slack and take it easy at times. I need to fix that. And that fixing starts with me. I am the one that takes it easy the most.

B/ I would become more assertive.
It may sound stupid but at this time, I am NOT assertive at all. Like I said earlier, I believe in disagree and commit. I from now on will probably disagree, overrule and act. This would be tough, to be honest, but let’s see how this works. I also run the risk of wasting time on managing egos and all that. But let’s see how it pans out.

C/ I will say no to more things
My default state has been hell yes to each thing that I come across. And I want that to remain the case. However, I will ask my people to say no more often. And I will ask them to channelise their energies. I can the be the one that wanders all the time but I will need people to stick to things and take them to conclusion.

What would NOT change?

I know that the one thing that will NOT change at C4E is the freedom that people enjoy to work however they want to, where they want to, with who they want to will not change. This value of freedom is at the very core of what C4E is and I would not change that for anything.

Other things may change. I dont have a thought. I will think more over the next few days and add those here.

Finally, what do I need to be careful about as a benevolent dictator?

Since I’ve read some about benevolent dictators. I have a ready list of things that I need to skirt from. Here in bullets…

  • The lust for power. And the corruption by power. After a point, you tend to enjoy power and you want to enjoy power for power’s sake. I need to keep this at the back of my head that I am merely a servant for C4E who is working as a benevolent dictator to make things happen.
  • The sense of invincibility that comes with power (and control). I need to know that I am human and fallible. I do not want to ever get swayed by the inflated ego that the power would give me.
  • The loss of benevolence. The loss of humility that has made me what I am. If I had to choose between benevolence or dictatorship, I would choose the former.
  • The plundering of gains that I get out of running C4E as a dictator. This would be the most unfortunate outcome. C4E is a village and each thing that at least I earn needs to go to help C4E thrive.

So, that.

Guess this is it. Let’s see how I go from there in my new experiment. More later!

Further reads on Benevolent Dictators…

  1. https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20130219135706-3807-the-benevolent-dictator-as-ceo/

The February Hits (and Misses)

A few things that I am not happy about and helpless about. Mostly a rant. Read at peril.

If you’ve been reading this blog, you would have noticed two not-so-happy posts back to back. Today I have a few things to talk about that may not be happy either.

Read on.

One. Whatsapp.

For some random reason, yesterday I got logged out of WA and I haven’t been able to log in since. I’ve read all support things, mailed Meta, and tried all hacks – including deleting, installing, taking the sim out, switching devices etc etc. And yet nothing works. I dont know what to do.

While I find an answer, am mindfucked that all my work has come to a stop. I can NOT even tell people that I am not available. I can NOT access links / files. My effervescent notes are stuck in the limbo. Thank God I moved to Apple Notes and Roam last time my data got wiped.

Oh, that reminds me, this is the second time I have lost access to my WA account. Last time around I was angry and pissed that I lost all chats and photos and all that. This time, I am ok with that. Just that my work lives on WA and I feel handicapped and helpless. I wish I had the power to know someone like Mark and get him to rest my account from the server.

So am mindeffed cos my work is pending. And I dont know what to do about it.

Two. Asking People to Leave.

This is the first time since I started working that I will have to ask people to leave on my own. And it’s not a nice feeling at all. I’ve always believed in building the village and the collective and this is anything but that.

In the past people have moved away from me while working – some at their own accord, some I’ve had to ask to leave. In one instance, there was this misunderstanding that I couldn’t solve and we had to part ways. In any case, it was never about my inability to pay.

This time, it is. Despite me doing ok with work and money, I am unable to pay for the people that I’ve hired. No, it’s not about overstaffing – just that at C4E, we hire for projects and once a project ends, we need to part ways. So that. In most cases I’ve been ok to let go of people once project ends.

This time, I feel bad cos I’ve worked really closely with these people for almost a year and I’ve come to like them as my own. Plus each of these is hardworking, dedicated and committed. And am having to let go of these folks cos of money. Double damn.

I keep getting these shockers but I am unable to do anything about these. I dont know when I’d wake up. Funny that I wrote a few days only that I dont know when this bubble would get burst.

So I am sad that I have to take this call. And I dont know what to do about this.

Three. Work. Future.

All I do in life is work. And since we are close to starting the next financial year, I was planning for what I would do in the next year and how I would go 10X from where I am right now.

While doing that, I realised that unless I do something large and drastic, the way we’ve been going, we are staring at ruin. Not that we are not good, just that the world is changing very fast and there’s way too much unpredictability around us. Surviving itself is a problem. And I am thinking of 10X-ing from here. So that.

Plus, I’ve never had to plan things – I was always at a tiny scale and things would come to me easily. Now we are larger than I’ve ever been (while we remain tiny in the grand scheme of things) and this means that the ship needs to be a lot more stable. And I am finding it hard to imagine how to do that.

I know I will do ok. I know we will do ok. But I need to work harder than I’ve ever worked. I would’ve if not for my gut. Read the next point.

Four. Gut.

Remember I said that my guts are apparently made of steel?

Well, they aren’t gutting.

It’s been more than 10 days now and I am still running between my desk and the loo. If I show some strength and resolve and go to a Starbucks or a meeting, I run back home faster than PT Usha!

And each time I get to the loo, the walk back is more laboursome and tiring. And I am left thinking if I should even make an attempt to get up the next time. And then I think I’d just stop eating. Let me spew out everything that I have in me. I’ve done almost 3 days of fasting in the past. There’s no reason I can’t do this time. May be starting tonight. Let’s see.

Oh, I refuse to go see a doc. I am hoping I will be better in a few days. been 10. Should take another there or four. Let’s see.

To be honest I am ok with it. Just that work is suffering. Same as the WhatsApp snafu. I dont think of anything more than that lol. I really need to get a life. Any tips?

Five. My failure to be a good shishya.

One of THE most important mentors I have ever had seems to be angry at me. To the point that he’s not even keen on talking to me. I know I’ve fucked up. And I’ve said sorry. And I will never ever repeat the mistake. But I think I’ve broken the relationship to a point that it’s beyond repair.

Like a mature adult, I went to him to apologise face to face. But I dont think it’s working out. So that. Like a mirror, it’s broken. I can put it together but I will always see a crack 🙁

So that. It was important enough to capture here on the blog.

So yeah. These five things.

The whole of 2024 and February specifically seems to be jinxed at so many levels. I need to find a way to fix this. Any pandits around?

Freedom!

A manifesto of sorts about how I want to live my life.

Do me a favour. Listen to this song while you read this.

From this one, I love these lines…

On bended knee is no way to be free

I would have heard this song a million times if not more. And each time I hear it, the emotions it evokes are the same. That of a life lived on my terms, spent chasing things that I want (and not others), of being free. 

The song talks about something very very fundamental to us humans. The want to be free. The need. Not in a mythical manner that gets romanticised where you say you control your time outside of your office hours. But in the real sense of the word. Where you are the master of time, the driver of your destiny and the only one who makes decisions for you on a day-to-day basis. 

No, I am not saying that we become hippies and start roaming around free without an agenda or a mission. I dont want us to start running wild and amok and go back to the days of jungles and caves. I am not implying that we quit everything and wait on patrons to provide for us. Let’s park this thought as A. We’d come back to this. 

So, Naval says that you are free when you are not a slave to your calendar.

I love that idea.

Of course, we all have calendars and deadlines and meetings and tasks and all that. But having all of it without being a slave. You are free when you control a “large part” of what you want to do, who you want to do it with and how you want to do it. This “large part” is where the spectrum could be. For Naval, it is 100%. For me, it would be 80%. For someone else, it would be 10%. You need to find what your “large part” is and then aim to get to it. That simple. Like I said, mine is 80%

The thing is, the world is governed by two things and two things only – the fundamental laws of physics and the ego of people. One you can’t control and have to submit to. The other you can manage. And in this management is the freedom. This is the lever you push to see if freedom pops on the other side! 

Lemme talk about C4E for a bit. This avatar of C4E started post-COVID when an old client and a friend from MDI got me started on a couple of projects. Since then, C4E has largely been an experiment. And a good one at that. That has allowed us to grow into a collective of some 15 people, each almost free. At least from my vantage point. While we dont make enough money to live a lavish life, we do have enough to pay our bills (I think so) and yet have a large control over our time. It’s so good that I often think that the bubble would someday burst. I often wonder when would the penny drop. I know it would someday. I know this too shall pass. 

However, the experiment over the last three years has given me the taste of life as a free man. I now know what is independence. And I dont think I would ever want to be chained. 

In fact, looking back, I realise freedom has become one of the most important drivers of my life. Even simple acts of rebellion (not wearing shoes or pants) is a struggle for freedom for me.

I hope most people at C4E are like that – free, not wanting to ever go back to the clutches of a timesheet and trap of a fixed salary. 

Of course, this freedom has come with a certain price – that of working harder than the ones that are not free. This is the first time I’ve brought the W word in this note.

Remember I had parked an A a few paras ago?
Time to revisit that. 

So in the ideal world, most of us would have patrons that allow us to chase our respective bliss. But the world is not ideal. And we dont want to become hippies. So we have to work. And word harder. Hard work is indeed the price of freedom. All of us know about the recent brouhaha around the 70-hours of work per week. I am proud that I clock more than 80 hours a week. I wish I could do more. Laws of physics dont allow me to (old age, you see). No, this is not a norm at C4E. There are people that work “full-time” and yet clock 10 hours a week. And others are probably in between. Of course, these numbers are estimates – we dont have timesheets. 

But the point is, we have earned our freedom by paying for it with our hard work. And with one other thing.

Reliability.

At C4E, we’ve taken vows to ensure that we are reliable. And that is the only promise we make to our clients. We dont claim to be the most creative team. We dont win awards (we may at some point in future but that is not our ambition). We dont pull rabbits out of hats. But we deliver. We’ve designed our work to have redundant structures so that we dont miss deadlines. If we say a thing will happen at 5 PM, it happens at 5 PM. There is no if or but or when or doubt about it. We typically over-communicate and in case we are getting delayed, we will tell you. 

And despite being reliable and working harder, longer, and more rigorous than others, I want to claim that most of us are largely free. While we continue to be a slave to our calendars, like I said, we choose where we are when we work, what kind of work we do, how we work and who we work with. We are a fully remote team, we work on our schedules, at locations of our choosing (am mostly at some Starbucks) and we respect each other’s freedom. And while we do that, we ensure that everyone is paid fairly (at least to the best of our abilities). On top of this, each person is encouraged to build their dream life (not the life that any one person would want to impose upon them). 

Of course, we have clients and deadlines and their business goals and we need to deliver to those clients. And we like to be reliable and available and good. Plus, at our scale, we are unable to say no to a lot of clients but we remain very very choosy. Each time we get an opportunity, we ask ourselves if we’d have to give that client our freedom. 

If the answer is yes, we pull back. 

If the answer is no, we do whatever we can to ensure that they get what they expect. And more. After all, if not for them, how would we survive? And the world we live in, power equations are biased – some people have work that needs to get done and they have multiple options to get their work done. If they choose us, we are grateful about it and we do everything we can to serve them to the best of our ability. And this is where I mentioned, that I am not sure if 100% freedom is possible. 80% is. 

I also think that this service mindset is what has kept us going and has given us freedom. And now that I have tasted it, I really wouldn’t want a life where I am not free. The best part is that we’ve been able to build a village (not a family, not a sports team) where we look after each other, cheer for each other’s success and work to ensure that the village continues to thrive. 

Oh, one more thing. 
Here’s an invite to the village. 
I want others to taste freedom. 
Do read this post and write to us if this speaks to you. 

Till we speak next,
SG

Further Readings
1/ Naval and Kapil Gupta on Freedom – Link

Thank you to (in no order) Anshika, Krishna, Pradx, Riya, Vivek, Vanita for leaving comments on the first draft.

A secret. A confession. And a solution.

A longish note after a few hard days at work.

TW: I talk about dark days of my life as an entrepreneur. I talk about things that may be construed as triggering, depressing and of mental health challenges. PLEAES PLEASE PLEASE do not read if these things affect you.

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Here’s a secret.
If you want to derail me and my life, all you need to do is talk to me in an impolite, rude or condescending tone. 

Let’s park this. I will come back to this.

Now, another secret.
More like a confession really.
The last few days at work haven’t been the best. Dont think people who work with me or know me apart from work would’ve spotted it. Or may be they would’ve. I don’t know. The point is, all I do is work. My life starts and ends with work. I wake up, work, eat, work, nowadays try to catch the sunset (see this reel that I posted today), work, sleep and repeat. 

What I do may not be meaningful in the grand scheme of things but it gives meaning to my life. It probably helps anchor the lives of a few other people as well (but I am not sure). So when I don’t have great days, it affects me and my raison d être and I don’t know what to do about it. Most people have a family to go back to. I have a Rubik’s Cube. That too I crammed the solution to and I have since forgotten. So, all I end up doing is closeting my emotions on my echochamber (on my Roam) or writing cryptic posts on my blog (or twitter) or eating crap (Dal Makhani mmmm).

This time, today, I choose to do none of these. I am going to put it out. On my blog. Here. After all, I chose to live in public and live more authentic this year. 

So that.

Now, why’s that I haven’t had great days at work? 
Simple. Go back to the line I opened this piece with. 
“…talk to me in an impolite, rude or condescending tone.”

In the last week, almost EACH of my clients has spoken to me (or my team) in a tone that’s not the best or polite. And today yesterday, a friend who’s also a client spoke to me like never before. That was probably the last straw that made me think this much and all.

Of course, he can’t be wrong, he’s almost never wrong. He knows more than me and all that. And as a result, things in my head have spiralled down an abyss. You know, like Alice fell down that Rabbit hole?

And I know that I am not bouncing back to my A game anytime soon. I take time. Of course, I will fake it and the world will continue to see me functioning as I do on other days – reliable, high-functioning, in a hurry, high on energy, dreamy-eyed, lost and other such things. As I write this, its 8:30 AM, I am at a Starbucks 20 KMs away from home, sitting on a table facing the wall with my back as straight as I can stretch to. Someone looking at me would see a old man going at it!

To be able to find my groove, I would need to find peace over the next few days. Not inner. Am ok on that front. But the outer one. Like you know, get my space. Since the last relationship went sour, I’ve become this loner who likes to have his space and his freedom.

So, I don’t know how I’d find my outer peace.

I would also want to get a closure on the reason for this. I mean would could’ve gone so wrong at so many places that we have so much trass from all sides? I am unable to understand why do these people, all from different industries, and different parts of the country chose to speak with us like that. Nothing is broken at any of these clients. We may not deliver award-winning work but we are reliable as fuck. Plus, we at C4E work really hard to ensure that we deliver more value than what we promise, often at our cost. You know, underpromise and overdeliver. To each of my clients.

And this has been hardwired in the heads and hearts of each person that agrees to work with C4E. That we would overdeliver come what may. Money is never important. We could lose money on projects (I’ve often done that). I would beg, borrow, and steal to keep the kitchen going. I’ve done that in the past. I would do it again if I had to. I’ve kept my team lean. I dont pay them as much as I want to. All to preserve sanity and not go beyond our aukaat (while taking shots beyond that). 

Wait. Before I digress. So, the funny part is, ALL our clients know this. Each of them. And they see it. And yet they tend to talk to us in a tone unwelcome, uncalled for and unneeded. I know they dont know that am soy and snowflake and easily hurt and their simple act of trying to push me to do more would derail me. I think I am still ok but I can’t imagine how my team feels!

But then, why be impolite? Why be condescending? Why be rude?

Maybe, a large part of this sadness and disappointment is my expectation from life and people itself. Maybe I am too simplistic (and wrong) in believing that people don’t have egos. Maybe people at the core are bitchy and mean for no reason. Maybe people love playing power games. Maybe people like to just poke with harmony and see what comes out of it. What if Joker was right all this while? PS: Even if they are wired differently, I will continue to chart my path. If I had to go live in a village where costs are low, I would. I would retire in Goa or in the hills where at least I can breathe free!

The other part could be that my approach to life could be unsettling for the world at large and they can’t understand it. I am trying to build a utopian world where everyone is kind to each other, everyone is engaged, everyone is chasing meaning (and not vanity goals), everyone sees magical possibilities. Where its one for all and all for one. Where I exist because we exist. But maybe everyone is hardwired into creating kalesh for kalesh’s sake? PS: Dont think this is the case though. I know people are really really good. I really believe that people do create magic.

I’ve been thinking about this for the last few days now and I am at my wit’s end. So, I kinda give up on trying to find the reason or answer. All I know is that I will chase my utopia till I can. 

Truth be told, I am often flexible on morals. I like the idea of doing whatever it takes to build a life I want to live. No, I am not talking about doing illegal things. But I am ok to bend a few rules if I have to. As long as I am not taking away from someone more deserving. I sometimes feel I were a tad evil – I would’ve done so much better! If I could sell my soul, I would probably be rich enough already to pay myself well and pay my people well. But then I get back to my thought about trying to build a long-term, sustainable, boring business that everyone tapdances to work on an everyday basis. 

The other part is these lingering thoughts about the challenges of running a service business in the market that we are in. We work hard to make other people’s dreams come true and in exchange, we get to make just enough to be happy about. Some days we make more than what we need but most days we merely get by. Luckily we are at a good place – on any given day, most of our clients are great companies, folks and all. They pay us ok money. We are challenged enough. All is well. But then when there are days like the last few and especially yesterday, I start questioning what we do.

The last bit is, maybe this is the trigger to push harder on my attempts to build a business that does not rely on just a few people or companies. Maybe build something that has hundreds of customers spread across geographies. Maybe I need to rethink how I work and slowly move on to a product business or something. I don’t know yet. My head’s in a soup. You can see. Lol.

Anyhow. Long rant is over. The point is, when someone speaks to me in a tone or a manner that is not kind or polite, in my head, all hell breaks loose. I spiral down and this is where I am at right now.

Of course, I will be back. I am strong like that. Vanita calls me a survivor. I survived COVID-19. I survived people cheating on me. I have survived so far. And I shall. Maybe i’d get a tee that says, “I am a survivor” :D. Lol!

Ok, more later. Thanks for reading (if you did). And yes, all is well. My back is still straight. I am still surrounded by a team that will move the mountains for me and for our clients. And we would continue to give our heart, head and soul for the work we do.

Oh, if you are reading this and you want to hire a great team to work with you – look us up 🙂

Untitled – 26 Aug 2023

A session of freewriting where I rant about things that are at the top of my head. Specially about writing, people and more.

I haven’t written in a while. Except for PowerPoint presentations, emails and occasional tweets. Heck, I am not even writing stinkers to my beloved. At least with those I would get the creativeness out of the way. I’ve forgotten the joy that I felt when I wrote. I miss it. Each time I said a smart thing or created an amazing alliteration or planted an easter egg (or a 💣) or shuffled a word or two to make the text look better, I would love the feeling and I would clap at myself. You know, how Chris did for himself?

Most times I wrote in the past, I would write about inane things that no one else in the world would care about. It could be about places I’ve been to, things I did or even my love for Diet Coke (which I haven’t had in more than 3 months). See this.

Often I would write about things clouding my head. I will get into freewriting and then before publishing, redact a few things (and copy-paste those onto Roam or whatever notetaking app I was using at the time). I would take all the topics that I am thinking about and then write a note about each. Often the act of writing would give me some clarity. I am the kind that thinks while talking or writing. I can’t deep-think in my head. These freewriting sessions have given me a lot of clarity on a lot of things that I have been struggling to find an answer to. May be that’s what I’d do today?

Let’s try.

A/ Projects.

So, I like the idea of a project-first life. The day-to-day rigmarole is not for me. A project life is where you are immersed in a project with your 100%. While you are on it, you dont have the time to think of anything else. It’s like flying a plane or operating a medical emergency. At a time, you can fly one plane (or operate on one person) and while you do that, you need to be there with your 100% attention. And you get a break after you are done with that project and you get onto the next one. This is because I spent my formative years as an event manager. I would do high-intensity corporate events and would have no time to think or work or read or distract myself with things, I would do the event and then come back to the next one. And in the middle, get ample breaks to recuperate, think, dream, chase hobbies etc.

In fact, I think, life as an event manager was good. I want to get back to it. ISTG I do. But I am not sure how. There is no way I’d get to make a billion dollars with it. And at this time there’s nothing else I want more than a billion dollars. In cash or equivalents. Not in valuation.

So that. Come to think of it, what I do right now (communication / marketing etc) doesn’t give me a shot at a billion either. Truth be told, my current occupation happened because of COVID-19. I was lucky that I could speak well and understood marketing. I was lucky that I had access to people that gave me work. I was lucky that I could create opportunities. I was lucky that people agreed to work with me and help me build C4E. I am lucky that these people now care for C4E and do it more than I do; to the point that I am no longer required.

All of this happened as an outcome of lucky accidents. Nothing was deliberate. I flowed with time. And that served me ok to the point that we are a good business with good people and ok work.

And this is what makes me think – if I could be deliberate with things and move things in a certain manner, we would probably be a great business with great people and great work. And that’s what I need to move towards.

B/ Writing

The other day, Sonali told me something cool. She said the number one writing advice that Neil Gaiman gives to others is, “finish things”.

And that I think is what ails me. Not just with writing but with everything. I am great at ideating, thinking, staring. I am able to put in the resources needed to get things off the ground. But I lose interest soon after and I move on to the next one. Aditya Sir diagnosed it and told me that once I solve a problem in my head, I assume that I have solved it – without putting pen to paper or without making the actual effort to solve it. Which is so true! I mean I dont see the sense in solving it once I know how to solve it. The entire idea is to challenge your brains. And will. And may be the ability to finish? Lol!

The thing is, if I were to die tomorrow, the epitaph would say, “Here lies a man who started a thousand projects but didn’t finish even a single one”. Maybe I need someone to execute ideas. Right now, I have partners who work with me on ideas and that is great (someone co-owns those ideas along with me and allows me to co-parent and help do better with the idea) but I think we need an execution team. A set of people that know what Like a SWAT team that just goes and executes. Long ago I knew of a billionaire who had a team whose only job was to execute things – from planning his birthday party to setting up multi-million dollar manufacturing plants to fixing things that typically look impossible to outsiders.

So as a writer, I need to finish more things. Book 2, short film, 90-90-1, 1000 x 1000 – there are at least a hundred writing projects that I can work on but I don’t. No, the ink has not dried. No, the fun I had with writing hasn’t stopped fun-ning.

And as an entrepreneur, get a crack team of sorts to get those things done. The question is, why would the crack team work with me? What can I offer them? I am not the mad genius that attracts others. I am not that bad boy man that the world finds enamouring. I dont have the charisma that moves the mountains. I dont have the panache that gets young people to want to drop everything and follow you off the cliff! I am just another middle-aged man, past his prime, wanting to change the world. So that’s what I need to think about. Any ideas?

C/ People

The sum total of whatever I’ve written above is two things – shipping and people. And while I may be okay with the second one, I need action on the first one. And that, ladies and gents is my thing for the day – the quart of writing, projects-first work, an execution team and people.

Over and out.