Author: Saurabh Garg

27 Aug 2024 – Morning Pages

I’ll start with a Silicon Valley cliche. There are decades when nothing happens and there are weeks where decades happen. 

Yesterday was a day when I think decades happened to me. And I probably aged by a decade. Apart from my echoChamber, I want to capture it on a public forum as well.

Here we go.

Oh, before I talk in detail and get into specifics, play this and let it play in the background as you read this.

Eddie – Guaranteed

Ok, now that you have the baritone of Eddie talking about how you ought to live life, I can talk.

I will talk about 5 things.

A/ Feedback from a senior agency person

Met a senior person from the agency business. I told him about my plans to take C4E in the big league and start pitching for projects at the intersection of modern marketing, digital, strategy and others. And compete with the likes of Ogilvy and others.

He snubbed me.

He told me and C that what we do is crap and he has no confidence in us being able to deliver large things. 

Which is ok.
May be fair.
But then on deeper introspection, I realised that maybe, just maybe he doesn’t understand what am trying to build. Lemme try to articulate again.

I want to build the world’s largest, richest, most impactful business. I want to play at scale. I want to move humanity and make us thrive, live better and all that. I want the workplace to be respectful, kind, hardworking, aciton-first and more. But…

But…

But I dont want to do this on the back of broken souls. I dont want to tramp over others. I dont want to make it toxic.

Now, when I hear things like, “make 200 calls, get 50 meetings, and convert 10 businesses”, I think, it’s a piece of fabulous advice for folks who want to use people as replaceable objects. But not me. I want to give a safe, kind space to everyone to find their bliss and get paid well while they do that. In such a business, we need people to be self-motivated, high-agency and respectful towards work. After all, for most of us who are not artists, we have to find meaning in what we do.

The thing is, if we are lucky, we’d have something to lean on that fills our soul. Some people find it in art. Some in sports. Some in code. Some like me, in business. Some dont find it at all. And it is in those cases that you have to latch onto something and make it yours.

When I see a younger colleague getting disrespected by saying “without disrespecting your age or experience”, I dont want to run that in the first place. If you have to add a disclaimer before you speak, it’s better to not speak.

When I am told that my work won’t cut it, I want to hear more. But about how I can make it better, not a rant on how it’s bad. I want to be pointed at flaws and not be told that we can’t do it.

So that.

Ok. Over this one. 4 more to go.

B/ I let go of one more person from my life.

I have this friend. Her father says a brilliant thing – he says, “is insaan ka panna faad diya“.

Lemme try and explain. Imagine our life is a notebook. Each person in our life is a page. And you can add as many pages in that notebook (once you meet new people). And then the page can extend to any length (depending on your relationship with them). And like any well-used journal or notepad, it can extend in all directions.

However, once you sort of break your relationship with someone (say, someone moves away from your life, someone does something uncool etc etc) you tear their page from your notebook. And then that’s that. You stop bothering about them. They become a stranger. You operate from a place of indifference. You are kind to the world, you are kind to them. You wish them success but you shall not partake in that. If they need help, you are not proactive. You let them come to you. So on and so forth.

He of course has a far deeper reason and philosophy. What I wrote is mine.

And yesterday, I tore one more page off my book. I wish the individual all the luck. I continue to love but I am no longer invested.

So that.

Oh, before you move forward, you may want to see this tweet.

C/ “15 lakh karte ho, 3 gaya, 12 bacha, 4 ek aur hai, 8 bacha. Band kar do“

Last evening, I was talking to a very close friend. The kind whose words mean the world to me.

While talking about something, C4E came up and I told him that I’ve lost a client. He said, “15 lakh karte ho, 3 gaya, 12 bacha, 4 ek aur client hai jo kabhi bhi chala jaaega, 8 bacha. Band kar do“

And it hurt.
Like a bitch.
It was probably meant to hurt.
It didn’t hurt this bad when the love of my life walked out of my life.

I think this made me realise that am probably very emotional about my work and this thing that I’ve created.

I was so fucked in the head that I couldn’t sleep well because of this. Kept thinking, tossing and turning in the bed. But then Whoop tells me I had 53% recovery with about 6 hours of sleep. I know that it was not good at all. Makes me even question the efficacy of a Whoop. And as a professional sleeper, both these things (not being able to sleep well and Whoop being unable to catch my sleep) are not cool.

Coming back.

So, it hurt. And I can either let it continue to hurt me. Or I can fix it. And no points for guessing what I would do. And I need help. Hands and heads. Lend me? And point me to others who I can take help from?

And to start with, I will shut everything that distracts me and I will work hard on taking C4E to an unbreakable place.

D/ Case of online bullying

Someone close to me was bullied online. And since this person was close to me and it was unprovoked bullying, I was angry. As fuck. If the bully were around me when I got to know about it, I would have probably caused hurt.

But am glad the dude lives in Noida.

In a mad rush of blood to my brain, I decided to seek retribution. To be honest, this is not like me. I dont do things like that on impulse. I think and act.

But, I wrote to the CEO of the company he works with (to make the company aware of the kind of people they’ve hired) and the college the bully went to (to check on his records and hopefully get some action). Made a LinkedIn post. Sent DMs. Considered filing a cyber crime case (but the portal was too complicated to have my complaint go thru and I did not try again).

But then I realised, an eye for an eye will make the world blind.

And thanks to Jagdish’s Bruno, I realised that anger is not the place to operate from (but bravery is). And I anyway know that empathy is a good place to be at.

Probably the boy is troubled. So I have decided to let the person go with a stern warning. Hope it fixes him. I will deliver that today. And I will of course close the loop with all the people that I wrote to.

E/ Hurt by someone close

This is the last one from this long rant.

I love a lot of people. To the point that it’s tough to manage egos and all that of all those people. I really go out of the way to make them comfortable, liked, respected, taken care of etc etc. To the best of my ability. Often at the cost of hurting myself. And with little expectation. You know, like Danveer Karna.

I just think there’s so much fuckery in the world. If I could be that island of sanity in their lives, why not?

And despite all these attempts to make someone feel good about life and all, I probably am unable to do enough to keep them engaged and happy.

So that.

Ok am done writing.
Like I said, I aged 10 years in one day.
And I am taking my lessons away.

In the end, so much of what I do, and how I do is about people. And then like life has taught me, EVERYone leaves. See this tweet. It makes me wonder if I were a fool to have taken this path.

I have seen friends, partners, colleagues, and even lovers leave me. And I may not admit it too many times but it sucks to be walking alone and sleep on an empty bed and not having anyone to look after you when you fall. Like I said, I give more than I can and often at great consequence to self. And yet people go. Leave me alone. And I am left wondering where did I go wrong.

Anyhow.

Wait.

Oh, I know there’s their side of the story as well and I know they had reasons for moving on. So I can’t blame them. Just that since everyone moves on en masse, there must be something wrong that am on to. And that’s what I need to discover and find. If you know me, help me. Point out flaws in my thinking.

Chalo, over an out.
From a decade older SG 😀

16 Aug 2024 – Morning Pages

Morning.
I will change this a bit.
I will list things that I want to talk about and then talk about those. Let’s go.

List:

  • Sleep – Professional Sleeper
  • Scotland Yard / LIFE
  • Doing things from AC offices

Now, details.

1/ Sleep

I’ve been trying to lose weight and I understood that a large component of that is sleep and calorie deficit. While I may not be able to do much on the calorie deficit part (I love eating and I do love the taste of processed foods and I hate working out and I dont like dance etc), I can do a lot with my sleep.

In the past I used to think that sleep is for weak and why can’t I not sleep or sleep less (afterall 8 hours is way large a proportion of your day). I have tried with polyphasic sleep, Red Bull etc etc but more I read, more I realise that I need to sleep better if I want a better life.

I’ve been trying a few things in the last month (Keto, IF, consistent bed times, no to travel etc) but I think I will experiment a little more in the next few days. Inspired by this thread by Bryan Johnson, here’s a list of changes I will make.

First, I will shift my identity to that of a professional sleeper. You know, how athletes have an identity as athletes and that means that they need to do whatever it takes to be in their peak?

That!

Other changes I will make include…

  1. Tracker – I already have a Whoop.
  2. Mattress – I think I have a good one. Bought one for a lot of money a few months ago. At some point in time I want to get an 8Sleep or equivalent. Let’s see when.
  3. I like my AC at 22 so that’s cool.
  4. I will add warm showers before bed. Maybe warm showers will be my wind down ritual.
  5. Time – I hereby declare that my sleep time is 10 PM. Unless it is life or death, I will not stay up later than 10. I will not take flights in my sleep window unless there are no other options
  6. Eat all I want to by 12 noon
  7. Last coffee before 12 noon
  8. I dont consume alcohol anyway. So that’s cool.
  9. Red Lamp to help sleep (aka regulating evening light)
  10. Flux. Installed. I dont like it. But installed it nonetheless.
  11. 10000 Lux Lamp to get up (aka morning light)
  12. I know I must get Blue light-blocking glasses but I will not get those.
  13. Bedroom will become a sacrosanct space that will only be used for sleep.
  14. My bedroom faces the road and there’s 24-hour traffic. So I can’t really make it a quiet room. I will see if I want to get a noise machine to help matters.

So that.

As of today, per my data on Whoop, my sleep performance is about 64% (the current period is about 72% and I peaked at 75 last month). Let’s see where I am in the next few days.

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2/ Scotland Yard / LIFE

I dont have a lot of memories from the time I was a kid. However, there are times when I see things, I remember things.

PS: As I wrote this, I remember two distinct events – one – I was crying on the terrace of my school after I lost a quiz and second I was crying in the corridor after I forgot the speech I had to make. I dont know why these two come to mind. Mind, afterall, has its way.

Yesterday, I was with a friend and we were at a Hamley’s to shop for her niece. While browsing around, I spotted Scotland Yard and LIFE. I also saw that catch a fish game. All these three are the games that I remember playing as a child. So much so that I was tempted to buy these games and get them back. But I did not. I will come back to it.

The point is, I did not know that I would have such a strong association with these two board games! I could vaguely remember being sad when one of the pegs in the LIFE broke. I remember playing Scotland Yard but not being good with it.

Ok, I dont have much to write about these two. I thought I would have.

Coming to what I had parked, I wanted to buy those games and hoard them at my place but I decided against it. I told myself that I would get those games cos I could never have enough of them while growing up and now they need to have a permanent place in my life. I even picked the box to take to the cash counter. But something came over me and I decided against that.

So I did well there. I dont want to be a hoarder because I did not have things while growing up. I want to use my money and space to have things that make my life better. I do not want to give in to emotional impulses.

3/ Doing things from AC offices

I wrote this in my Roam too.

For work, we were shooting a tiny thing for a client yesterday. And while we were doing that, I realised that I like to sit in an office and work. I dont want to be a part of what happens on the ground. I love the idea of making films but I am not willing to be on the set. I love the idea of running events but I dont want to see the setups or dismantles. I love the idea of running a restaurant but I dont want to see the kitchen. You get the drift.

Why?

Well cos on the ground, things take forever and that’s not cool!

Plus, yesterday was a tiring day. The previous night I hadn’t slept. I ate a lot. Keto went for a toss. Calorie deficit went for a talk. Was in the sun a lot. Travelled a lot. Took the train as well. And realised that age is catching up. Fast. Unless I do something about it. Something like better sleep!

So, two plus two, I like the idea of AC offices.

And with that, we are to the end of this post. Let’s see when I write next.

9 Aug 2024 – Morning Pages

A lot has happened since I last wrote these morning pages.

And thus, I think have a lot to talk about.

Let’s see how much of this lot converts into text once I start typing. It’s 9 AM and I have time till 10.

1/ Event at Goa

I managed an event in Goa over the last few days.

Each time I do an event, I realise how much I love this business of events. It offers everything I seek – people, money, instant gratification, showmanship, dopamine rush, adrenaline rush, travel, living in the moment, sprint (not marathon) and more.

I wish I could do more of these. In fact, each time I do an event, I wonder why I dont do more of those.

Sigh!

2/ Apatradaanam

I met someone over the weekend in Goa and he talked about Apaatradanam. Read it as a-paatra-daanam.

Handwriting of Shreya.

Loosely translated, this means, “charity directed at people that don’t deserve”.

Now, if you know me, you would know of my ideas of paying it forward. And that too without any expectation of returns or payback. And I’ve done this even when I was unable to even run my home.

Lately, however, I’ve started to think a lot about how I want to spend my time and energy. And this concept of Apaatradanam makes a lot of sense. I’d love to support folks that are deserving!

Now, this deserving is a subjective thing. And the only judge / jury of the deservingness of these people is, well, me. And I dont think this is fair. I will eventually find a way to make it fair. Any ideas anyone?

Oh, and I hereby declare that I will not give to places, folks, causes and other things that dont deserve. If you see me giving to those, please point out and stop me.

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3/ Amex Plat Charge

The want for this card has been as high as the want for Birkins. And since I was a kid. I’ve looked at it wistfully each time I see someone else sporting it. Each time I passed by an Amex lounge, I longed for it. I knew that at 60K a year, this was probably the most expensive thing I could get. I know if I ever get it, it would be vanity and nothing else. I would laugh at people who have this card (and other such signs of vanity).

And yet, I got it!

This is one of the most foolish decisions I’ve made in my entire life. And I am ok with it. The happiness lasted all of 1 microsecond (when I held it for the first time) and since then, I’ve started to sort of hate it? I mean not hate it but I have this buyer’s remorse.

But then, I was reminded of these lines about shauq. And this is a rare thing I’ve done for shauq.

Also, while I was thinking about this, I was reminded of all the bucket lists, wish lists and all those that I had made when I was younger.

I think I need to bring those back. Meanwhile, here is one for your viewing pleasure 😀

Ofc, there are times when I think that at my age, I should be thinking of pooja-paathh and not finding outlets for my shauqs. But then, am human :D. Oh and in case you want a card for yourself, use this link 😀

4/ C4E and Friends

PS: I wrote this bit with the help of Flow.
PPS: Published a slightly edited version of this on LinkedIn. Read at https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7227556269274914817/

I am a very, very big believer in expanding my network. And I do that by building a lot of loose connections. And with those loose connections, I hope that at some point in time, those connections actually become a little more warm and a little more close. And then those warm and close connections help me get work for me and my team. Essentially, I try to be present everywhere on the internet. To the point that I once asked an intern to put me on various WhatsApp groups. I am digressing.

Coming back.

The other I was thinking, what if I create a group called C4E and friends and add people who are well-wishers of C4E there?

These “friends” are people that give me work. These are the people that give me ideas. These are the people that show me the path when I’m lost. And these are the people that I can hang out with when I have no one else to. Think village, but a larger one.

What if I can build a community of people who are supporting C4E in its mission of being a world-changing org? And like with most things, I started by making a WhatsApp group (and not by booking a domain this time around).

I have floated the idea and the group link around in the last few days. I’ve had mixed response. Not many like the idea. In fact, not a lot of folks from my own village like it. And no, I have not yet opened it up. But the more I think about it, the more I am warming to the idea of doing it. Maybe I will action it today.

Eventually, the idea is to make this group a safe space where everybody will be connected to each other. There’ll be a directory that would have details on work, city, interests etc. Think of a professional networking opportunity, brought to you by C4E. On this group, each person would propel each other up.

So that!

What do you think?

Would you join?

5/ Accountability and Responsibility

The other day I read something about accountability and responsibility and I realised that I am accountable at best (and not responsible) and in case I need to get ahead in life, I need to be responsible!

Here’s the original piece…

I am not sure of the source. In case you find it, please lemme know.

The thing is, I need to work hard to be responsible!

So this is it.
For the day.
Let’s see when I write next.

21 Jul 2024 – Morning Pages

I am back with some braindump. Let’s start.

1/ Work. C4E.

At work, at C4E, we are at an interesting juncture.

We run a stable business and yet we are one mistake away from ruin. From my vantage point, I dont know what to do to fix it. There. I admitted.

The thing is, we run C4E in a unique manner and the world we live in is not designed to allow us to thrive. Of course, we would jostle around and find our spot but till that time, we remain perched precariously on the edge of a mountain and we are one slip away from ruin.

As the chieftain of the village, my only job is to ensure that while we continue to find sharper peaks to scale, we don’t slip down the abyss. And I am sort of out of ideas on how to prevent this ruin.

One of the things that I am thinking about is to push everyone at C4E to put in deliberate effort into building our respective personal brands on the internet.

And this means consistent, deliberate effort to create and share content (in any format of any length). And while that happens, we need to be a part of a community larger than self (or become part of one) and build networks – loose or tight.

Some of us may not know what we stand for (I stand for way too many things and I need to find a smaller list) but that does not mean we dont create, ship, or network.

It is this basic, boring, drudge-full work done over and over again with discipline and consistency that would make us successful. As individuals, as a group and as C4E.

So that.

And to get us going on the treadmill of discipline, I need to probably lead the way. And knowing myself, I suck at it! So that’s some work for me.

The other thing that we can do, while we work as an agency, is to build a content destination that people are willing to pay for (aka subscribe to).

I have tried that in the past with TRS. I’ve even tried podcasts with Podium. But I was not successful with either. I’ve not given up and I continue to think of media businesses. And I take heart from publications like Goya, Alipore Post, Homegrown, and others; and content companies like Humans Of Cinema, Chalchitra and others that seem to be seeing the impact of compounding.

So, could that be a thing that we can build? And yeah, I know it’s 100X tougher to build content destinations unless you have a great Instagram game. Or you have famous people at the helm.

Come to think of it, I’ve had the right ideas at the right time. Just that I haven’t been able to push myself to deliver on those. I need to work on my delivery muscle if I have to make that dent. Or may those billions.

Ok, moving on. This is more like an internal memo.

2/ From RD to Harpreet and to CSS

A few nights ago, I saw a session where a passionate RD Burman fan took a crowd of 50 through Pancham’s biography. Loved it. More than the music and the passion for Pancham, I loved the stories. After all, it’s with the stories you attach meaning.

The more eye-opening was bumping into Gurpal Singh – an actor that I had seen a lot while I was growing up. The RD session was curated by Gurpal Sir. The day after the RD session, I attended a live performance by Harpreet.

Again, the session was arranged by Gurpal Ji.

Both pics were clicked by me, just that the second one had better lighting.

So, the hero of this is neither RD, Sangoi Sir or Harpreet. But Gurpal Ji.

He’s made the effort to create these mehfils and bring people together.

There’s something rustic, something earthy, something homelike in the way he organises these sessions. There’s friends helping each other. There’s no ego. There’s this chai, that someone quipped “as meetha as Gurpaj Ji”.

Then there’s these Kachoris that are bought from some local store and yet taste like no other Kachori I’ve ever had. Mind you, I am from Delhi and I’ve had a million Kachoris from thousands of places. Damn, I want a Kachori now but I can’t – am on 6th day of my Keto.

The point is, Gurpal Ji has shown me the light. And I am inspired to do more things that bring people together.

Truth be told, I did start a series of such sessions with CSS but it has fizzled out after 4 sessions.

On one side, I am sad about it and on the other, I am content that we tried. Also, these 4 sessions did teach me a lot of lessons. I think the model is there. I just need a DRI, some budget and a person to run it full-time. If you are a young college student and do this with me, please write in. Here’s a JD of sorts.

3/ Longevity

It’s no secret that I think a lot about frailty, unpredictability, irrationality and shortness of human life, lifespan and healthspan. Especially in light of my middle age and perpetual struggle with my inability to do great things.

So, I read a lot about longevity. And I found this chart on Twitter that talks about things that impact your life and satisfaction

Among other things, interaction with other people seems to be the top cause of high and low satisfaction. This is probably cherrypicked a piece of evidence to support my belief that we need communities and villages to thrive. The kinds I am trying to build.

In fact, if you look at 1 and 2 above, you’ll notice that both those hint at strong community pieces.

So that.

So this is it. For the day. Let’s see if I can build a daily writing muscle. Wish me luck!

8 Jul 2024 – Morning Pages

TW: Death

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I dont know what to write today.

But thankfully, I was reading a book yesterday and somewhere in it, it asked, “what would I stop doing if I got to know that I had 6 months to live?”

This is my post to answer that. Let’s go!

So if I had 6 months to live, I would do the following

0/ Fix my will.
I have a vague draft here. I will fix it if I could.

1/ Spend time with my parents
In terms of family, I only have my parents, my sis and a little bit of VGs. I haven’t been a good son per se and I would like to live with my parents. Just that I wouldn’t want them to see me wither away.

I think my sis is ok.

VG’s fam is a self-contained unit and I am merely imposing on them. So I will stay away. I will maybe meet them once and give the kids a happy memory to have with them, in case.

2/ I will pay back all the loans that I owe
Today I have a lot of loans on my head. I would find a way to pay that loan back. I dont know how would I make so much in 6 months. I will try and sell my organs? I dont even know where I can go to sell those. Lemme try!

In case I am unable to, I will ask VG to manage that loan for me. Maybe Poo. Not sure if either would take it upon them but I can try. If they dont, I would write an apology letter to my creditors and request them to not bug my parents.

I think that’s all I can do.

3/ I dont want to be remembered.

I dont think I have done anything interesting or large. And thus I will burn all my documents, photos etc. I would delete all my social media presence. I would wipe my drives, computers etc.

I dont know how to do this exactly but I will find out.

I would delete all of my public work – blogs (including this one), books, films etc etc. I would take my name off the films that I’ve been a part of. I would let tnks get lost in oblivion – it already is in oblivion. I would request all the YT videos to be deleted (from others that host me).

I think this is it.

I would’ve loved to have climbed Mt Everest, experienced how it is to be a billionaire, what it feels like to date a supermodel, what it feels to have lived in abject poverty, what having your own child feels like etc etc.

But as I write this, on the 8th of July, I am ok with none of these under my belt. Guess I am almost a stoic.

So that.

—

Chalo moving on. Let’s start the day. Oh, from today on, am going on my strictest diet regimen. I will only eat the dabba I have access to. I have deleted the food ordering app from my phone.

I do have some travel coming up (including an overnight stay for three nights in the hills), despite my not wanting to take it up. So it would be interesting. I will buy a lot of chewing gum and a lot of almonds to get by.

Over and out.

More tomorrow.

7 Jul 2024 – Morning Pages

Wrote this on the 6th Jul. Publishing it now.

Its 6 AM. I have about 30 minutes before I leave for a meeting. And here are the things that I want to write / talk about.

1/ Last few days have not been the best for my head. Money, health, relationships. Let’s just say a lot is on my mind. No, I dont need help, yet. If I do, I shall take proactive measures. I think if I fix my food, a large part of my issues would be fixed. 

1.1/ On the food, I think I will try to eat mindfully from today on. This is my perpetual struggle. I dont know why I want to eat it all. I was talking to someone about it and I realised that my insecurity from the times I have been jobless are so deep-seated in my subconscious that I want to eat it all.

2/ I missed the walk yesterday despite publicly committing to it. I could’ve but I dont know what came over me and I did not. I had the time. I had the inclination. I even made a public commitment. 

3/ 5 days without coffee. If I can manage today, it would be the 6th day. Lets see how it goes. 

4/ I am carrying only the iPad and a book as I step out today. So that’s cool. Let’s see how it goes. I am increasingly trying to go without a laptop. An iPad is a poor compromise for not having a laptop – it’s like a phone and very ineffective. But I am willing to experiment. 

5/ I can feel my age now. I can’t stay alert post 9 PM. I find it tough to wake up. I am not alert at times. Yesterday I noticed in at least 3 calls that I was unable to talk well. 

6/ Track of the day is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pHFJELNKZk. I really want to discover new music. 

7/ I’ve been trying to write a letter to a friend for more than a week now and I can’t seem to find inspiration. I plan to work on it today before my 915 meeting. 

8/ I want to get back to a standing desk routine. I have discovered that I can use a makeshift setup at home and use it. I am writing the second part of this letter from this jugaad standing desk. And I can see myself doing more of this.

9/ 730. I am now at a Starbucks. The chairs here are sucky. I think I will walk a kilometer to go to a Starbucks that has better chairs. I can’t sit here for 3 hours as I wait for a friend to arrive. The only good part is that am not carrying my laptop. So that. 

10/ 7:48. I am at the other, smaller Starbucks where the chairs are nice. 

11/ I had a chat with my folks while I was on the way here. It sucks that they continue to ask me tough questions about money even at this age. I don’t know when would I reach a point where money would stop being a bother. I know I am not prudent with money and I must be. And I will find a way to do so. But at this time, today, my folks are not happy about my money situation and it sucks. 

12/ I think that I am unable to make people around me understand how I operate and how I think. I mean I don’t know how to explain to my friends why do I want to organise even lunches with friends on a Saturday. And then at the same time, I take off for 4 days without explanation to people that I hardly know. I am unable to talk about how I am probably not suited for fancy places and I find myself at home at mid places. This concept of mid-places is also a tad unclear to explain. In my head, I know what a mid-place is. If you are reading this, you know me and you don’t know what a middle place for me is, well 😀 

13/ At #CSS04, one of the attendees told me that I need to stop with the self-deprecating humour. Yesterday I was talking to a young coder and she told me the same. Two very different people who’ve met me in very different contexts have told me the same thing. And I don’t think the two of them even talk to each other. 

Of course, I know that I revel in playing down myself but I didn’t know that it was not serving me. Now I know. I will thus make a conscious effort toward it. I am not sure if there’s a specific way to do this. But I will. May be next time you see me play down, please point it out to me and I will correct myself. 

These playing down things could be one or more of these – “I may not know it all”, “I could be wrong”, “i don’t have a lot” etc etc. 

14/ Do you think getting the subscription to YT Premium worth it? I think it’s 200 bucks a month and I lot more than that right now (I can think of three – 650 for Google One, 650 odd for Netflix, 650 for Apple Storage – and I am sure there are more). 

15/ This working on iPad is not cool. I am unable to get in the flow. Even though there are no distractions (multi-tasking sucks on iPad), I can’t think straight. May be this needs getting used to? I don’t know. I will give this a few more days before I quit. Let’s see. 

All things above this, I wrote on 6 Jul. Now, we are at 7 Jul. Here’s the notes in continuation. 

16/ I slept for 8 hours yesterday. But my recovery is still 50%. I need to journal more religiously to understand why it’s that bad. One large component would be food. That I am fixing from today on. 

I slept 8 hours on the 6th night as well but the recovery is still less than 50%. I think its the diet that I need to now work on. Let’s see.

17/ Deleting all the food ordering apps from my phone. Let’s see how we survive.

18/ I am writing this from a Blue Tokai (and not a Starbucks). BT opens at 7, SBux at 8. This one hour is important.

The only problem is that at BT, the charging ports are less (and my laptop needs to be charged (old you see)), the wifi is poor (and the mobile network is also not the best). So it is not the most optimal place to work out from. Let’s see.

I wish there was a 24/7 cafe around my house. I would have loved to work from there. I can go to the airport but it’s too far from where I live. May be on some days I will go there and work the entire day.

Let’s see what I end up doing.

So, that’s about it for the day (and yesterday).

Over and out.

3 Jul 2024 – Morning Pages

Here’s an attempt to get back to morning pages. Read, point gaps in my thinking and lemme know what I can do better.

I am back with Morning Pages. Let’s go.

I don’t know why I ordered this book. But I did. I normally don’t read a lot. But I read some pages of this book. I tend to like business books – this is anything but that and I spotted myself refusing to put the book down. 

One of the things that the book talks about is that the author’s father would be up at 530 and writing for 2 hours every day. And then he would go about his day. This is similar to the advice by Julia Cameron. And this is what Anjum Sir talks as well. Riyaz.

And I must. And I will. And why writing and why not my single largest goal? Well, because most of my work needs to move people, shift opinions, and persuade and if I am good with my words, it would become easier. Plus at this time, writing would help me get some clarity on my thoughts and open doors. Once I know what I am going to work on, I will follow Mochary’s advice on spending the first two hours of the day on key tasks.

Coming back to this habit of writing every day. There was a time when I wrote every day in the morning. After a while, I didn’t know what to write about.

Now I think I can write about work – after all that’s my biggest thing at this point. No, I will not send emails. I will not make presentations. I will write them and then shoot them out after the first 2 hours are over. I know I will get distracted when I write. And I will thus lean on the iPad to write. I am writing this on the iPad. On Google Docs. I don’t know if I will publish this. But I am writing here because I can’t open multiple tabs. I am writing here because I am not giving in to my habits of checking news, scrolling Twitter timelines, responding to emails etc. It’s 645 and I plan to do this till 730 today. I will try to wake up at 5 tomorrow and then write for 90 mins. I don’t know what I would write about, may be I will make a list and get into the habit. 

Ok, lemme talk about the habit I want to build. And the habits I want to break. 

Lemme give you a gist of my day. 

I wake up without an alarm on most days – typically between 6 and 630. I put on some music. Am listening to a rock music playlist today on my laptop (I picked the mouse to copy and paste the link – but no – no other devices shall be touched). I open my mailbox and reply to things that I think are important. On some days I open my trackers and fill those in. Some days I will open Asana. And then I would open WhatsApp – that’s where all of my work happens. I will reply to any conversations that need my attention, I would give yes or no to things and I would pick up whatever comes to my mind at that time.

Typically things that come to mind are typical tasks that need attention at work.

Here, I want to change my wake-up time to 5 AM. And then write for 90 minutes and then get some sort of yoga / workout in. Maybe I will join Cult – I will check this out today. I will also get myself a Keto meal subscription. Expensive but I will get it. 

I then putter around the house, get ready and leave for Starbucks between 745 and 815 – depending on when I had woken up.

Once at Starbucks, I’d get myself any black coffee and do more “work”. 

To be honest, I don’t work anymore. The team at C4E manages most work. I only pretend. But I want to change this too. I will start putting in the work for the following things… 

  1. SoG Network
  2. Networking 
  3. Design capability 
  4. International Expansion 
  5. Distribution 
  6. Startup idea 

While the focus is these six things, these could take the shape of emails, writing posts for LinkedIn, or connecting with folks. Let see.

May be I will edit these morning pages and put them on the blog (doing it as we speak) – after all an iPad can only do limited things. Maybe I will fill these trackers? Or maybe I will find someone else to do this and put it on WordPress and make a LinkedIn post of highlights and a thread for X – I think I will outsource this – do you know any kid who can do this for me a tiny sum? Lemme put a call out and see where this goes. 

I am trying to avoid coffee – haven’t had it for two days. Let’s see how long this lasts. Also, since I need to order something when am there, I have started to buy sparkling water. And that means I will have a lot of glass bottles around. And I will start putting flowers in those. 

Then around 12, I get bored of Starbucks and I want to go somewhere else. I either go back home (I have started to call this house home) or The Clubhouse. I order myself lunch / snack. I eat and I sleep. I really want to change this. Actually no. I will not change this. I will read if these naps are a good idea – if they are, I’ll continue. If they are not, I will quit. If naps are not good, I will stack meetings around lunch.

I put an alarm if I have important calls. In case I don’t, I leave the house and step out. I don’t have a specific destination in mind. Starbucks mostly. Some days, Infiniti Mall. Some days Blue Tokai, some days Jamjar, some days Clubhouse. Somedays random new place. I need to break this habit and find a place to go to – may be a coworking place. Maybe Clubhouse. Maybe work from home – I do have a table that I can work on. So, I don’t know. But I need to get out of this habit of whiling time. Maybe I will stack all my calls in this time. I can mould my team and most clients to accept that calls can only be done post-12. 

Post that I try and go to the beach. I want to add a habit of taking a picture each day and putting it on Instagram. Oh, I will remove Instagram from my phone and put it on the alt phone that I will not carry with me. 

And then I come back home and as a matter of habit order some kachra (I am deleting Swiggy also from my phone) and then eat it while I play chess (which I recently deleted) and watch reruns of FIR (I will quit this too). And then I while some time on Instagram and then sleep. I want to add some meditation before I sleep. My life goal is to have more meditation minutes than AK. 

Most days I sleep after 10:30. I want to sleep around (if I have to get up at 5). To be honest, I have it all that allows me to do so. Most times I can control my work. Most times I can push dinners to 730. And I must. 

I think if I can run this routine for a month, we should be ok. I don’t have any travel plans for the rest of the month. I need to be in Delhi for a meeting but that is towards the end of the month. So all is well there. If I can get a routine going for even 25 days, starting today, we would be ok. 

So that.

Lets see where this goes. 

Wish me luck. 

PS: Here are some gaps.

  1. I haven’t allocated time for thinking (deep thinking) here. 
  2. I am not sure if I will follow this routine. If I can do this from today till the Delhi trip, I think I would be ok. Let’s see. 
  3. Original note here that I have edited.

C4E Review – H1 2024

H1 2024 report for C4E and the business.

Hi!
6 months of 2024 are over.
And that means it’s time for a review.
Let’s go.

Also, for context, here are a couple of posts that I would use as reference points – C4E 2023-24 Annual Shareholder Report and my #in2024 letter.

I will break this report into sections. These are…

  • What is working well for us?
  • What is not working well? What are our challenges?
  • What is the plan for the rest of the year?
  • Some personal updates
  • Parting notes

Come join me for a ride.

Wait. Before we get started, here’s a postcard for you 🙂

This is from the most recent CSS (#CSS4) that happened on the 29th of June.

1/ What is working well for us at C4E?

This is my second favourite part (wait a bit for the favourite part).

So here are the things that are working well for us.

A/ We refuse to die.
To me, this is the biggest and the best thing ever. We’ve got our ups and downs but I believe that are not dying anytime soon. In fact, we are larger and hopefully stronger than ever.

B/ People seem to be happy
Most people at C4E seem to be happy.

Of course, I could be wrong since I dont get to talk to most folks on a day-to-day basis. And when I talk to clients, most clients seem to be happy with how our people conduct themselves. So the first pillar of C4E – People – is in place. They are happy. That translates into them putting in the effort for clients. Clients see that. And they shower praises. And then its a loop. So alls well.

But then I do see a challenge in making my people participate in non-work activities (such as Growth Sessions, thinking for the org, expanding our services). Apart from a few enthu cutlets, org-wide we are not really on a treadmill per se.

And in spite of that, I can safely say that my vision for the village seems to be coming to life. So that’s a BIG win.

C/ Clients
We retained our clients (though not at the money that I would have wanted to earn). We acquired new clients. And we let go of clients where money-mazaa-effort equation did not add up.

On this, allow me to elaborate. We are ok to ask for less if we have a lot of fun with work. We are however not willing to work with clients where we get paid less, we dont have fun and work is demanding beyond reason. While we are in a buyer’s market where clients get to dictate things, we continue to hold our heads high and only work on things where either we make money or we have a lot of fun. Or in rare cases, we get the benefit of the brand.

D/ Processes
As with any small business, the first chasm to cross is when you put in processes. We have started to!

While a lot of these are still not documented, we are much more structured now compared to when we started. The next step is to document these processes.

E/ Succession. Lol.
I am trying to not run C4E on a day-to-day basis. And I am almost there. The year-end review of C4E will come from the desk of Chandni. Hopefully 😀

F/ Cut losses
In the last 6 months, I’ve got out of two of my favourite projects – TRS and Podium. And the decision did not come easy. It was like letting go of a limb. Two in this case. But then I had to do it.

Of course, I continue to believe in the potential of both of these projects and I really wish I could manage them better. One ran for over 6 years. The other was for almost 4 years. I was unable to take either to profitability. More than that, in both cases, we couldn’t make decisions that would have taken us towards profitability.

I’ve learnt very very expensive lessons from both. Expensive in terms of time, money and mindspace. I will try to not repeat those as I seed DD (the only other for-profit idea that I am working actively on apart from C4E) and help Prak with PPP.

The point is, going forward, I will cut losses fast.

G/ Planted new 💣💣💣!
This means, we bought new domain names. We are now proud owners of VersovaIsHome, Decoding Duryodhan and a few more. What would each do, I am not so sure at this time. But kuch to hoga.

2/ What is not working well? What did I miss?

This is my most favourite part. Also, all misses are mine and not of the team.

A/ We remain a company that can’t pay well.
I really really want to fix this. I want to be able to pay top dollar to everyone.

B/ Cash flow is a challenge.
This has more to do with me, to be honest than anything else. I tend to bleed with experiments that don’t need our time or energy. I am investing in things that we do not need to at this time (see 1G above). I am not prudent with money at all.

And some clients have delayed our payments for structural reasons at their end (and at our scale, it is tough to sort of keep a float). I would never not pay our people because clients did not pay. So, I need to borrow. At this point, I now have more debt on me than I had at the lowest point of COVID.

So, I need to work on this. And I will do so over the next 6 months.

C/ Brand.
Our brand remains a challenge. We are still not as well known as we’d like to be. Leave the well part. We are not even known. We are far far away from the big leagues. We are unable to price our services the way we’d like to. We are unable to attract talent that seeks higher compensation.

A few months ago I decided that I would run this myself. However, I have failed at this. I will push this going forward.

C.1/ C4E Website / Creds
Our website is terrible.
Our creds are nice but I am not sure they are relevant in this day or age.

I need to work on this. We’ve made a brief but we haven’t been able to put things in motion.

However, I will push on this.

D/ No action on expansion
When we started the year I had promised that we would open up in a different geography. So far, we haven’t done anything to do that. We are very much in India. Concentrated in Mumbai.

Over the next 6 months, I will take one more shot at building our presence outside India. And I will try and sell something online. Wish me luck.

E/ One loss away from ruin
We continue to be one loss away from ruin.

We are very very leveraged as a business – we make money, we pay a randomly large chunk of that to people who work on projects (leaving C4E as an org with little and thus no savings), we move on. We don’t have a treasury per se. At some point in time, we will have to get that going.

If we lose a client, the ability to pay money to that team goes for a toss. Now that team is supporting other teams. And that goes for a toss as well. The entire business model crumbles like a House of Cards.

I need to ensure that we are not this fragile. Truth be told, I dont know how to do this. Any help?

3/ The plan for the rest of the year

So for the rest of the 6 months, need to work on a few things (as listed above). Apart from those, some others are…

A. “Corporate” Initiatives
It sounds funny to call C4E a corporate.

These include…

  • Putting in place a board of directors (would you like to nominate someone?)
  • Amping up our brand (means a new website, a new creds deck etc)
  • Acquiring new clients (see 2E)

Am sure there are more but these are the top of my head at this time.

B. One more attempt at new geography or a new business
Same as 3D. I will take one more shot at building our presence outside India. And I will try and sell something online.

So that.

4/ Personal updates

Not too much to report here (I dont think I am in the mindspace to talk about this). But here’s a list.

  1. Health is on a fast car without brakes hurling down the steepest hill you can imagine.
  2. On a personal level, I am probably at the lowest point – nothing exciting. I haven’t even been talking to my parents / sibling / friends etc. All I do is think of work and then nothing.

Nothing apart from that on the personal front.

5/ Ending notes 

As I reflect on how things have been at C4E in the last 6 months, the biggest takeaway is that the Village seems to be coming to a reality. If I had my way I would find a physical space – in Bombay or Goa or Dubai or anywhere and then build another iteration of village there.

Second, I am no longer the face of C4E and it’s now split between AK, C, Prak and others.

Third, you will notice that I haven’t talked about numbers at all. And that’s by design. We will never chase a numbers target as long as I have a say here at C4E.

Third Point One. I have also not talked about awards we won (we won none), accolades we got (many), business impact we made (we dont track – we may have to change this) or any other things that typically make the highlight of such reports. The reason is my aversion to these vanity conversations. To me, the most important thing is day to day contentment and happiness of people that have chosen to call C4E home. And there’s no way I can measure that.

Four. I would have liked to capture some lessons from the last few months. Again, I am not sure how to quantify that. So I will leave it at that.

This is it!

If you’ve read this till here, please do let me know what you think and what I can improve upon.

Over to you!

PS: I am glad I could write this. The report helps me take stock of where I am. Where C4E is. And how far are we from where we want to be and how am doing as part of the village.

PPS: Thanks to Pradeep and Prakruti for the edits.

Untitled – 27/28 Jun 2024

As always, I dont know what to write but I feel like sharing. I started writing it on the 27th but I was unable to finish it. Continuing today.

Let’s go.

1/ Money

I am close to the month’s end. And that means I have started to get jittery about money. I need to pay my people. While it is a feeling of bliss to pay people who choose to work with me, often it adds to random chaos in my head.

This time it will be especially stressful as we haven’t been paid by all the clients (and of course that shouldn’t matter to others) but I have to pay folks on time. And I am at the end of my credit line. So I dont know what to do.

Let’s see. I’ve learnt that life often finds a way. I am sure it would find this time around too.

2/ Marketer’s Responsibility

Yesterday day before I was dinnering with some friends and we were seeing music from Moosewala and Gurdas Mann and Rabbi Shergill and the likes. I lamented that the music made by these people was to push a narrative (I dont have an opinion if they were right or wrong), educate, inform and all that. My generation grew up on that. I wouldn’t know about Bilquis Bano unless I heard it in a Rabbi song. Indian Ocean back in the day made me curious about Rewa even though they didn’t talk about its significance. More recently, listening to Moosewala made me aware of Sec 295.

Compare it to what people are listening to today.

The top 10 tracks in India today include the likes of Jhumka Gira Re, O Maahi (I dont even know what this is), Sajni and more.

Nothing wrong with these.
Each must be a fascinating piece of art.
But are they stirring my soul?
Are they making me think deeper as a human?

No, I am not sure.

So that’s it.

PS: I know I am cherry-picking a few tracks to make a case – both from my time and from the time of today. And there may be musicians and artists in this day and age who are making people aware but it’s not reaching me.

Now, extrapolate this to communication and marketing.

Which was the last campaign (not just an ad) you saw that made you take note of what’s happening around us? Which piece of communication from a brand last stirred your soul into doing more? Which brand has taken a solid stand that you believe the world needs? No, I am not talking about token activism by brands around Mother’s Day, Pride Month et al.

I can think of Share The Load as a campaign that made at least me aware of how certain kinds of work have been gendered. For my life, I can’t think of any other campaign at this time.

I know that as marketers we ought to think only about selling our wares better. But we have the blessings of a marketing budget. And that’s an opportunity to push the narrative needed by the times! I believe we have a FAR larger responsibility than we imagine (of selling only our wares) and I see fewer and fewer people even thinking about things. Especially in this day and age when one smart-alec piece of communication is on-purpose designed to “go viral”. I mean look at the latest piece from Tanishq. I wish they had dug deeper.

Anyhow.

So, while I am appreciative of the great art and craft and thought used by these brands in their communication, as a marketer, I am disappointed that we are not building conversations and communication pieces that nudge the culture.

Phew.
Rant over.

3/ Fitness

I dont know why I am unable to work on my fitness. I just dont have the discipline. And I will change that from today. This is the millionth time that I have promised myself and the world that I would work on my fitness. Let’s see if I can manage.

I plan to start with some yoga. I dont know how to carve time in the morning. I dont have time during the day. And at nights I am too tired. Old age, you see. But I will find time. Maybe I will wake up super early – like at 4:30. And then get some work done before 7 AM and then do it? I don’t know. I will see. May be I will NOT travel for the next few days and then see if I am able to get a schedule in.

I will also change my diet from today. I ate Suraj Lama Momos for like 100th time last night. No, they are not that good. Just that they deliver super fast. Like in 10 mins. Faster than instamart.

I will go on a lo-carb, high-protein diet. I will try for a few days. If I can’t sustain, I will find myself a cook. So that.

4/ Baarish

Yesterday it rained. And it poured. And it was windy. And it was relentless. And I was in it. At the C4E Sunset Club. And it was fabulous. Oh, while I was in the rain, I was on a call. And I loved each minute that I was there.

I wish there were more rains and more opportunities to get wet and more ways to enjoy it. I wish I lived in a house that was near the beach so that I could go there more often. I wish the monsoon was not a two month phenomenon. I wish I have less and less places to be so that I could be at the Sunset Club, under the rains.

Bas itna hi.

5/ Action

The last night I was talking to an acquaintance. She asked me how I was. And I gave my usual answer. Here’s a screenshot from the conversation.

Let’s park this as A. I will come back to this.

Last night (while getting drenched in the rain), at the C4E Growth Session, I encouraged each person at C4E to list their values. I also tried to list my values. I’ve done this a million times but I thought I would do it again.

Here’s a list. Let’s call this B.

Now, when I marry A and B, I realise that life has become monotonous. There is no action, no movement, no fun.

I may say that I’ve become stoic (after all, I am stressed that I dont have the money to pay my people, I can be sad that I dont have a romantic partner, I could be fucked in the head about my inability to steer C4E in the way I want to and many more things). Or I may accept that I’ve become lazy and dependent on others for things. Funnily, in my life, I was never this. I was always atamnirbhar. I was always the go-getter. Always the kind to do things by myself. And if the events of the last few months are anything to go by, I need to operate from the place where I am all alone. Everyone leaves. It’s not if. It’s when.

Saw this couplet by Faraz on Instagram and I was amazed that some poets can capture emotions so well. This is EXACTLY how I feel on most days. He says,

बुझी नज़र तो करिश्मे भी रोज़ो शब के गये
के अब तलक नही पलटे हैं लोग कब के गये

करेगा कौन तेरी बेवफ़ाइयों का गिला
यही है रस्मे ज़माना तो हम भी अब के गये

मगर किसी ने हमे हमसफ़र नही जाना
ये और बात के हम साथ साथ सब के गये

अब आये हो तो यहाँ क्या है देखने के लिये
ये शहर कब से है वीरां वो लोग कब के गये

गिरफ़्ता दिल थे मगर हौसला नही हारा
गिरफ़्ता दिल हैं मगर हौसले भी अब के गये

तुम अपनी शम्ऐ-तमन्ना को रो रहे हो “फ़राज़”
इन आँधियों मे तो प्यारे चिराग सब के गये

Faraz

The couplet in bold and underline is what caught my attention the most.

So that.

Coming back.

Maybe I need to be a lot more hands-on.
Maybe I need to be a lot more particular.
Maybe I need to push myself more.

I dont know the answer.

Let’s see.

Chalo, work beckons. Enough for the day.

Untitled – 19 Jun 2024

An untitled rant about things that are clouding my head.

Morning ladies and gents. Here are the things that I want to catalogue on the 19th of Jun 2024. This is a brain dump of all that I’ve been thinking about over the last few days.

1/Rain is here in Mumbai 🙂

Love it!

I know there is muck and stink and all that but I am ok as long as I can go home and shower. I think it’s my most favourite season. While it’s still hot and muggy, the shower sort of cleans you from within. Like a shower for the soul!

If I had my way I would get wet each time it rains. Someday I would have a house with a terrace and I’d just lie down while the rain gods belt me with their amrit and prasad.

I know a lot of folks I know dont like rains and it’s ok. I also tend to not like it when the aircraft shakes likes a mixer in the monsoons. But then its a small price to pay for the gorgeousness of baarish 🙂

Here’s an exhibit.

2/ Am taking a backseat from day-to-day operations at C4E.

Something that I’ve wanted to do for long.

Not because I want to retire but because I want to be able to do more with my time. I want to expand us beyond the borders of India and build more things for the entire village. I also want to take a shot at building a unicornable idea. Right now, C4E does not look like one.

I tried to go offline and pass on the baton a few years ago and when I did that (I went to EBC) and I lost 66% of my business.

Fast forward to 2024. In C, I have identified a fairly able person. Plus I’ve trained over the last two years. And we’ve set things in motion.

We are experimenting till Sep of 2024 and then we’ll see where it goes.

I just need to figure if she would stay with me for the long haul. My experience of having people stay with me is not the greatest. And since it’s just not one person that has moved on, it has to be me at fault. So that.

Also, my insecurity with “my” people has sort of resurfaced with this decision. I thought I had made peace with people moving on. But now I know I haven’t been able to. And I dont know what to do to settle this. I dont know how people find people that would stay together for lifetimes. I dont know how to get used to see people drift away from your life. I dont understand how people you decided to build your life with are no longer in your life. There are times when I still think about all those folks that have moved on. While I need to have happy memories, I tend to get not so pleasant ones as well. And now that I have put this ball in motion, am mindfucked half the times, thinking about when (not if) when C moves. Ok, clarification (realised this while editing). It’s not about her. It’s about me and in my inability to hold people together. Plus this is a recency thing. I realised that less than a month ago that one of my super-long-term friends moved on without telling me. And I am yet to come to terms with that. So that.

Anyhow. We’d come to it when we come to it. For now, the transition is in place.

3/ Lost sight of 40 crores target.

For context, I had decided that in this financial year, I would do a topline of 40 crores. And Q1 is almost over and we are not even at 40 lakhs. I’ve lost sight of the goal 🙁

I can justify this by saying that am building the base for the next phase of growth. After all, we have processes for most things, we have documented a lot of things, there’s a transition happening at C4E. There is no need for me to be involved in large decisions. Etc etc.

But the hard cold fact remains that we are VERY VERY far from 40. Heck, the way we are going, even doing last year’s 4 looks tough!

And no, I am not worried or anything. I am putting this on record. And no, there’s no pressure on anyone from my team to do more than what they want to. Just that we need to be aware of this and then at some point act on it. And since the transition is underway, it’s C’s problem now ;P

4/ Being unhealthy.

I dont know what to do about it. Despite being a diabetic, I haven’t moved a muscle on things. I dont know what to do. Thing is, apart from this health thing, I am NOT lazy at all. And even when I see my energy waning, I am not inspired to do more. Just today I walked 1000 steps and I was puffling like I had run a marathon!

I even have my why to live and yet I am not willing to work on my how or what. As an aware, intelligent, smart and all that man, I know this is not the right thing if I have to do more in life.

But I am unable to fix it. Maybe I will pick some sport. Maybe yoga. Maybe I will finally join a gym, my hernia be damned. Or dance. I really really would like to have a chiseled physique like Jason Statham’s. Sigh.

Oh, I am munching on snacks as I write this!

And this is it. No, no intervention is needed. This is my public journal of thoughts and ideas. I am ok. As ok as I can be. Thank you for indulging me ;P