Author: Saurabh Garg

030421 – Meditations

A short note about my love for hotels and how I thinking way too much about the space that I live in!

6:12. Surat.

On a work call yesterday, when I told the client that I am in Surat, she asked me if I have decided to travel through the length and the breadth of the country while we are in the lockdown. Funny but that’s how it is. Even though I don’t want to be traveling, things happen. Plus the lust to be on the road is never-ending! So ya! That!

I am in a hotel as I write this. Not a fancy resort kinds but more of a comfortable business hotel. I have stayed in one after almost a year (I think the last I stayed in a hotel was when I did that event in Lucknow in Mar 2020). I sort of missed it! The thing is, I love hotels as much as I love to travel! There’s something about white bedsheets as taut as the skin of the drum, staff as impersonal as doctors, the furnishings in the room like a page from a luxury magazine, the characteristic smell of the bathroom towels, the hazaar pillows strewn around the room, the laundry bags, the water bottles aligned liked the ships in a battle formation! Uff, I can continue to write about hotels. I miss those days when I was with Gravity and I literally lived in hotels (or transits) for a large part of a month. Damn, I miss those days. In fact, if I had the means, I would literally live in a hotel, you know, in a serviced apartment! I can totally live in a hotel even if they are impersonal af. Well, maybe someday. Someday karte karte half the life is over!

So the other decision that I took over the last two days is that I am moving out of the current house I am in. Have had enough of it. Too small. Too cramped. Too old. I keep bumping into walls or furniture. I keep spotting a lizard or a cockroach in the house. I can’t move around when I take phone calls. The entitlement from other residents is mind-boggling. You know how the human mind works. You can find mistakes in everything if you want to. You know, the rationalizing animals that we are.

I think that decision to get unfurnished, empty houses in new buildings is the best one. I can then plonk a mattress, fit my writing table and the bookshelf in it and get almirahs on rent to store a handful of clothes I own. And I am set! I can literally workout in all the empty space that I would get. Of course, all this makes the house an impersonal and functional space. I wouldn’t be able to host anyone there. I wouldn’t be able to invite friends etc. But that’s ok. I anyway don’t like the idea of people in my personal space. The 6-month lock-in gets over at the end of May and I will start a hunt for a place. Unless I get the Goa project off the ground by then. No, I have not given up on Goa. Lol!

If you realize, for some reason, I have decided that I want to move on from the current place and I am now seeking excuses and “rational” reasons for moving on. I should actually talk about this in more detail on this blog. Or even on SoG.

I have more to write but I guess that’s about it for today. I am running on a clock. Need to get out and about in less than 30 minutes and have a workpiece to write by that time. More later.

Here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 113. I am glad I could pull this off even when I was on the road.
  • #aPicADay – 93
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 24
  • #noCoke – 24
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

020421 – Meditations

Quick note on what I am upto today. And tomorrow. And the rest of the weekend.

6:23 AM. Woke up better than I woke up last night. I think it’s because I finally slept on a thin mattress on the floor, with an AC that works (but makes a hell of a noise). Some development for sure. Next up is to get the AC fixed so that the sleep is sorted. So a tiny win.

So, yesterday was exhausting af. I don’t think I have worked as much in the recent past. I mean I have. But it was another monster yesterday. Way too many calls (which is ok). Way too much thinking (thinking’s leaving me exhausted to a point that I never thought was possible). Way too many notes (which is a good thing). By the end of the day, I was way too tired to even talk about anything. I had the LFW meeting and I couldn’t focus or contribute to the only other member that made it there. It sucked 🙁

Also, the thing is, LFW was a cohort Hemant and I started to help each other write better. But the group is sort of dead. This is yet another attempt at the community that I failed to build. I need to learn how to do this. #note2self

Here’s what we wanted to do at LFW.

Moving on.

This weekend is a long one. However, I am taking it easy. Going for a drive. I love how the universe conspires. I wrote a piece about the drive yesterday and how I love it. And I am going again today. What else do you want in life?

I’ll tell you what.

Work.

Despite this being literally a one-day weekend for me (both Friday and Saturday would get exhausted with the drive), I have a few things that I need to work on. Lemme make a list. In no order.

  1. Review the month gone by. I haven’t done this in a while and it’s about time I get back to it. This was one of the most helpful things that I ever did but somehow stopped doing. Need to get back to it.
  2. Send an update to my mentors. I send this once every 2 months or so. Lemme know if you want to get a copy. The last few updates are here. I think I will open it to people and publish it on this blog as well. You know, living in public.
  3. Action SoG Grant. I have been sitting on my ass for a while now!
  4. Work on SoG Book. This has been pending for I don’t know how long. In the month of April, I will ship this for sure.
  5. Action WorkInGoa.com. Nihar from Clay gave me the idea and I’ve just sat on my ass for it. Need to act on it. I HAVE to have a foot in Goa!
  6. Finish work on all the open projects tasks for the week gone by.
  7. Mails from C4E domain are getting marked as spam on Gmail. Need to fix it. I can’t have my business email goto spam like that. I don’t know how to fix it. Maybe I need a new email server for mass mailing? Any techies around?

Wow, that’s a long list. And no, this does not include work on all the tasks that I am supposed to anyway do, you know, the ones I have saved in Asana!

So that’s the plan for the day. Time to move on getting some things ticked off the list. I do have a lot to talk about but I think I will skip that. Here’s the streaks.

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 112
  • #aPicADay – 92
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 23
  • #noCoke – 23
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

No, no book2. Even though I promised. Daal Roti is taking precedence over the Cherries. Sigh!

010421 – Meditations

A short post (yet again). On how I spent yesterday. And nothing else.

8:54 AM. Starbucks, Versova. Back on a computer. Yay!

I am late today. But der aaye, durust aaye. I am yet to start the day and this remains the first thing I do. Of course, after I reloaded money in Starbucks (they have increased prices from today), paid one of my people their salary (thanks to some logistical snafu, I got delayed by a day), and planned for the day (I have a lot on my plate – I took it easy yesterday). Wait. Lemme talk about yesterday.

I had a, well, interesting day yesterday. I use the word interesting loosely.

I woke up like I would do on any regular day and I had this notification on my phone that mandated that I bring out the problem-solver in me. This is when I lose all ego and get my blinders on and start trying to find ways and means and resources and options and scenarios to fix the issue at hand.

While this one was a small one and easily solved, thanks to friends and money, it made me realize all over again the importance of abundance, of shortness of time, and cultivating great relationships. I, of course, suck with at least one of the aforementioned things. Need to work on those. And no. No specifics. Like I told you yesterday, this involves others.

Few lessons for me from yesterday.

  1. While life is beautiful, it’s also fragile and unpredictable. Need to be able to learn how to live with it and adapt to the curve balls googlies that it throws at you.
  2. I need to proactively chase abundance and cultivate friendships. I have sucked at this all my life. Need to change that.
  3. Must meet more people that are FAR more resourceful than I. And truth be told, I am VERY resourceful. One of those self-brags that I am ok to make. Need to find better people. Connect me?

So that.

The highlight of yesterday has to be the time I spent in the car. I really really dig cars and roads. I was in the zone for almost all the time I drove. Even though this getting spaced out fucks the heads of people traveling with me (was evident yesterday as well), I think it’s worth taking their wrath. I mean road-tripping is probably the only thing that I am very very touchy and particular about. I want to be left alone. I want to not chat. I want my music and I want silence. I want cars to be spic and span. Roads to be smooth like silk.

I must write an ode to the road. Something that betters this TVC (The Road is a Friend) that Apollo Tyres made once upon a time.

In an ideal world, I will never share my road trips with others. But since I don’t have a car of my own, I am often forced to. Which is ok. Most people that I go on trips with are people that are ok with my getting spaced out. Grateful that I have them around me. Ok, too much incoherence in thoughts. Maybe sometime later. The number of things that I am pushing to later is like million-miles long.

Guess this is about it. A mountain of things to be done is staring at me. Time to go chip away at those. Before I go, here’s the streak…

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 111
  • #aPicADay – 91
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 22
  • #noCoke – 22
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

310321 – Meditations

A quick post from the phone about why there’s no post today from a laptop.

0806. Somewhere in Andheri. I am writing this from a phone. So the formatting, spellings, narrative may be sketchy. But a post none the less. 

So the thing is, am not in front of a computer and I may not get access to one for quite some time today. Some shit has happened. Important enough to not open a computer. Ok enough to write the post from a phone. These posts are what makes me stay sane and grounded. I know no one reads these. No one cares about these. There’s no one who will miss if these stop going out. I thus need to do these for my own sake. And here I am.

I had decided that I will attempt a 48-hour fast from today on. But I couldn’t manage it. As I write this, have ordered a French Toast for myself. So clearly the emergency that I had is not a big emergency. I have to some day write a post about French Toasts. Maybe in book2. I’ll make it the favourite breakfast of one of the characters. #note2self.

So I was supposed to be fasting but I did not. I was supposed to be on a computer at a Starbucks and working. But I am not. I should’ve made a list of things that I’d do in this day but I don’t have it. 

For whatever reasons. 

Can’t talk about it on the blog. If it were me, I would’ve published but this is about someone else. And they may not appreciate this much opennesses. So that. 

Anyhow, as I write this, I realise, this writing on the phone may not be that bad after all. There are no distractions of a million tabs on the computer. There’s just this tiny screen and my thumbs twiddling on the slippery glass surface. And seeing the magic of ideas in my head appear on the screen, ready to be shared with the world! Fuck it’s a great time to be alive!

I don’t know though if I’d write on the phone everyday but I do now know that this is not a bad option to have for when I don’t have a computer! 

And with that, it’s over and out. See you guys tomorrow.

300321 – Meditations

Took me forever to write this one. I just didnt get the words. But thankfully, I managed some. I talk about things clouding my head.

8:00. Just woke up. I am groggy and all. The mind’s blank. I dont know what to write. Of course, a lot is happening and a lot is on my mind and a lot needs to be written and a lot needs to be published. But the mind is blank 🙁

Lemme try #freewriting.

A. Despite all my public outcry against the increasing number of cases in India and my concern that we are being stupid, I still went to Starbucks. And I will go again today. In a bit. Before 9ish. Multiple reasons – lack of space at home, non-functional AC, the need to have ambient noise while working (I need to come back home for calls that start at 1:30), etc. I just wish Starbucks offered closed rooms. I am getting a shared office in a few days. I have paid for it (and a lot of money, to be honest), in hopes that I will be able to use that place instead of a Starbucks. Let’s see how that goes.

B. I met a friend last evening, and I talked about my inability to work on #book2. I told her that I want this one to be an ode to Mahabharata and I cannot wrap my head around all the characters and their interplay. I have used tools like sticky notes, whiteboards, Roam, and whatnot, and yet I am can’t seem to write it.

She had a great suggestion – get someone to help write. I have tried with multiple “assistants” in the past. PM literally sent in prompts everyday. But I couldn’t make progress with it. So that’s not a solution. Guess the answer is to just pound on the keyboard till I make progress.

Wait, do I even want to write the book? The answer is, hell yes! The reason is that whatever validation I get from the world comes from the fact that I can attach the word author in front of my name. The world rewards output and action and finished things. WIPs don’t have any value. They are left to rot on the sidelines. Really.

I think I will get going with writing about book2 each day, even if it’s one word. I must start from today. Let’s see if I get inspired!

C. It’s 9:20 and I am at Starbucks as we write. It’s perfect! Almost any Starbucks outlet is. I just wish it was a tad cheaper. I mean they are free to price their products at whatever price point they deem appropriate and may be this just-out-of-reach premium-ness is what makes Starbucks a place that’s just perfect and you can sit for long at and get into the zone and work!

Plus, I like the idea of waking up early and getting a headstart when the world is sleeping. This time (when the world is asleep) is the time when I get the best work done. The entire A large part of #tnks was written in the 7 AM to 10 AM window. May be once I settle into a routine of sorts, I will earmark this time for work on #book2. Funny how so many thoughts are centered around book2 and yet I do nothing about it.

So that.

Before I go, here’s streaks….

  • Morning Pages / Meditations – 109
  • #aPicADay – 89
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 20
  • #noCoke – 20
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

Wait. Here’s attempt at writing #book2. Let’s see how many words do I get in. I honestly don’t recall where I left the story. Let’s see what comes out. It’s 9:40. I will write till 10. Even if I have to type book2 multiple times.

“Its funny, Rujuta. At the core of it all, every argument – legit or illegit, fair or unfair, long or short, called for or uncalled for – is about two people taking two different sides of an idea. The idea could be ownership of a a property. The idea could be a political ideology. The idea could be as simple as the clothes you’d wear”, Ronak continued to stare into the sea and continued to deliver his monologue to Rujuta.

Rujuta could only nod at whatever Ronak had to say. Ronak reminded her of Tarana. She thought, it was about time the two of them met.

That’s it.
Like 2 paras 🙁
But theek hai. It’s a start.
See you tomorrow.

290321 – Meditations

I talk about how I oscillate between wanting to hang out with people and being alone. And more such contradictions.

6:51 AM, Andheri.

Back. Was at a friend’s place in Worli for 2 days. Had lots of inaction, saw a lot of films, ate a lot of food, met a lot of friends, slept a lot, indulged in a lot of inaction. Did a lot of thugging out, like I wrote yesterday. It was nice. I could get used to a life like that 🙂

And for some reason, was so spaced out that I had to be alone.

That’s the thing. I love people. I love hanging around them. I like the idea of talking to them and learning from them and feeding off their energy but for some reason, I need to be alone as well. To describe people like me, I used to use this term when I was younger – pseudosocial. I even had a blog about it back then where I would use the lens of value investing to learn more about becoming this extrovert that’s a closet introvert.

At the time I did not know what it meant.
But now I do.
And I think I am exactly that – pseudosocial.
Need to investigate this more as I go along.

The other thing that I realized is that I feel guilty when I dont work.

The work may or may not amount to a lot of output, but the day I dont spend 18 hours in front of my computer, I start thinking that I have wasted my day. Since Friday, I have been literally wasting time, even if I was meeting friends that are like family. I was. So, I had to come back to action.

And action could only happen at a place where I am alone.

Here is the thing. If I have to work better, I have to be with people that I do NOT know, if I have to get in the flow. Of course, I have this compelling need to be around people but if I have to do my work, I need to be with strangers. And I need places that are plush and AC is at 22 (no blower), tables are well-anointed, carpets are thick, people immersed in their respective work things. You know, places like a WeWork or a Starbucks. If I am with friends, family et al, I tend to get distracted and nothing ever happens. So that.

Ok. What else?

Yeah! I discovered music from Enigma yesterday. I don’t know what genre is the music but I do know that I loved their tracks. I have heard somewhere when I was a kid. I remember, in under-grad college, I even was part of a dance troupe (lol) where we would practice on one of the Enigma tracks. Bachpann se hi fighter ;P

I think this is about it. A shortpost.

Oh, I do have a mini-project that I want to take up for the whole of April, I will NOT post anything negative on these morning meditations. If you spot something negative, please DO point that out. This came out from a chat a few days ago with PM and his inputs on morning pages. Let’s see if I can improve this.

And here’s streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 108
  • #aPicADay – 88
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 19
  • #noCoke – 19
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

Over and out. See you guys tomorrow.

280321 – Meditations

A straight from heart post about how I spent yesterday. And the epiphany about life I had after I saw a film!

7:42. Worli. I am at a friend’s place. Yesterday I thugged it out. I ate more yesterday than what I ate in the whole of the week gone by. I hardly did any work. Apart from the meditations, I did not do anything. I ate and ate and ate. Had almost a litre of ice-cream. Drove for a bit. Saw three films (in parts) yesterday – The Equalizer, The Fellowship of the Rings and Andaz Apna Apna. Lol. What choice! Met MG. Did everything I would do if I wanted to be a vegetable. And that’s not cool at all!

There’s a lot that needs to get done on the work front. There’s a lot that needs to get done on life front. There’s a lot that needs get on health front. On every front. I have some 90 tabs open at things that are mandatory reads. I have a few writing projects that need to be done. These writing projects are the ones that I need to get the izzat, money, independence and what not. And here I am thugging it. Damn, Mr. Garg! Need to course correct. This thugging will not get you close to any of your goals.

Anyhow. Enough of being harsh on self for taking it easy for a day.

So mumbai is breaking all the records that you can imagine and there are some 6000 fresh cases everyday. They are testing about 48K people everyday. So one in 8 is testing positive. And even though this is WAAAAAY off the mark, I am assuming that each day I meet 8 or more people, I am at risk. By that metric, I have been at risk for quite some time. I need to get into containment. I am not doing anyone any service by being this person that’s out and about! So, once I am back to Andheri today or tomorrow, I am locking myself into the house. Starbucks and work be damned. I need to find a way to adapt to learn in the pigeon hole of the house I have.

I don’t talk about it much I really think that one of the core things important to the sanity of people is access to personal space. In India, we don’t talk about it much – all of us grow with limited means, even more limited space and almost non-existent idea of personal space. We fill our houses with things that we need less than once a year and unknowingly become hoarders. One of my recent Instagram posts made me realise that I am an hoarder as well and that needs to change.

More about this someday.

So lemme talk about The Equalizer, the film. It stars Denzel Washington and in all its simplicity, its the story of a retired operative that is now working a menial job at a box store by the day and thanks to his insomnia, reads at a diner by the night. Something happens that brings back the killer in him and he goes on a rampage. While I can talk about the story, the acting, the plot, the arcs and I don’t know what all, I would refrain from that. I would rather talk about the impression that it left on me and what it made me pine for. After all that’s what films are supposed to do. Or all stories for that matter.

For starters, I want to have a secret superpower that allows me to bash a hundred people at the drop of the hat if they wrong me or others that I care for. Then I like the idea of me knowing a lot about a lot of things. I also thought it was a cool thing to be able to tap in to the reserves and outplay the nemesis.

The thing that I related to the most was Denzel’s role as a mentor that is always in the shadows. Each person that he interacts with in the film, he tries to get them to see a better version of themselves. The entire story is hinged on his attempts at helping people he has no emotional attachment with. The young sex worker, the middle-aged lady at the till, the aspiring security guard and his mother. Even when he is avenging the wrongs, he gives an option to the perps (did I just used the work perp? Too much Brooklyn 99) to admit the mistake, promise to not make the mistake again and walk away.

I AM EXACTLY THAT! I want to live my life like that! Help people. Make money

I want to be a mentor to a million people and let them bask in the glory. Right now, I am far from it. Right now, I am too human and I seek validation (only to get access to more opportunities). Right now, I am nowhere and leave no impression on anyone and I definitely dont have the resources to do anything specific. I need to think more about how I live my life and how I try to make that impact.

Only if I don’t thug it out 😀

Ok, on other operational things, I am told that the new theme on this website sucks. Will probably play around with it a bit over the next few days. And I will try and get some sense in my head.

Ok enough. Time to publish.

Here’s the streak.

  • Morning Pages – 107. If there was one day when I was going to miss the morning pages meditations was today. But here I am with the post. Yay!
  • #aPicADay – 87
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 18
  • #noCoke – 18
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

270321 – Meditations

A mundane update about how I am living, feeling, thinking and all that on this Saturday morning.

7:09. Andheri.

And we have a new theme. I got talking to a fellow planner (KS) yesterday and her inputs told me that I need to work on my website. And I agree. So, over the next few days, I will experiment with various looks and themes and so on and so forth. Let’s see how it goes.

The biggest news of yesterday is that I couldn’t manage the 48-hour fast that I had planned. I did about 38 and then I quit. I was not hungry, to be honest. I think it was the fact that I was “live-tweeting” the fast and every time I would put a tweet out, I’d think about food so much that I would miss it! Plus the survival gene probably kicked in – how can this body be starving and yet talking and thinking about food. The other thing that happened was that I was stressed and I had to eat to manage it. So that.

It was cool, to be honest, but when I broke the fast, I ate like a pig. Three full meals. In one go. And then some packets of chips. And then another. Damn. And was bloated to a point that I could not concentrate on work. I need to identify food that bloats me and stop having those. I also need to fix my water situation. I think I retain way too much water. Maybe I will log everything I eat and how I feel after that? How tough could it be? I am perpetually on my phone and it’s one more note that I need to make. No?

Let’s see. It’s too much effort but why not? I have to live long. And prosper.

The good news is that I can do these fasts at the drop of the hat. I just need to do them longer. And do them more frequently. My ideal state is when I’d be having 6 meals in a week. Let’s see.

And then add some sort of a workout in my plan. I also need to quit on all the tea I am having. The thing is, when I wake up, I am not tired. Neither am I irritable. But I know that I hardly get any sleep. I don’t think I get dreams. Dark circles and bags under my eyes are now as big as a Kangaroo has and I can have an offspring live under those. So that needs to be fixed.

What else to talk about?

Well, I am creatively stuck. At both work and non-work projects. At work, I cant seem to crack a simple presentation. I’ve been at it for more than 2 weeks now. On non-work projects (Aram Nagar, Films, book2, aPicADay, etc.), I cant seem to crack ideas that are interesting or inspiring. I know I can be that mediocre person and deliver whatever crap I can come up with. And more or less, people would accept it. Most things, projects, etc are waddling in mediocrity. But then how do I face myself after I deliver the work?

I think that’s about it for the day. The track of the day is Jagjit Singh’s Koi Fariyaad. Here. The plan for the day is to spend time with Surbhi. And try and work (remember those projects that I am stuck with?).

That’s it for the time being. Before I move on, here’s the streak…

  • Morning Pages – 106
  • #aPicADay – 86
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0
  • #noCoffee – 17. Quitting tea as well. Even if that means I need to stop going to Starbucks. Moving to only water or lemonade.
  • #noCoke – 17
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0

260321 – Meditations

A quick post on insignificant things that could only be important to me! Such as rechristening of Morning Pages to Meditations.

7:51. Andheri .

It’s official. I am rechristening morning pages as meditations. I am not sure what Morning Pages was supposed to capture but I do know that these short posts that I write before I start my day are like meditations. Quite discussions with myself where I think by writing about things that are clouding my head. I talk about my fears and hopes and ambitions and ideas and thoughts and I am very very naked while I do that. This is what people like Naval and Marcus would call meditations. Probably. I am calling it these pages meditation. Took me just 105 days to do so ;P

So the COVID situation in Mumbai continues to be scary. Another day when we had more than 5000 cases. And yet I continue to hang out at Starbucks. I have one eye on the clock as I write this. I like the idea of an empty cafe, AC on full blast, and me pacing around while I think about whatever I am working on. Which is a lot of things ;P

The other thing that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about is this film that I wanted to make during the lockdown about those universal 36 questions that apparently bring people together (even though it has never worked for me). With the Aram Nagar piece on its way, I think it’s time I start thinking about the 36 Questions as well. Wait. Am I not repeating the pattern where I start a new thing before I finish an old one? Grrr, Mr. Garg.

In other news, I’ve been fasting since 1 AM of the 25th. So I am over 24 hours. I am thinking if I can manage to fast today as well, I will start Keto from tomorrow for about 2 weeks. If nothing else, it will help me lose weight. Keto works for me for sure. Everytime I’ve done it, I have seen results (only to gain the weight back) but may be this time it’s different? After all each day when you wake up, you get up with the hope that today is different. No?

This is about it for the day. I do have a LOT to write (I met a friend yesterday and she made me realize all the things that I do wrong and I need to work on those. I need to write about those, think on those and fix those). But not today. I need time to process (those inputs were pointed at the very core of who I am and how I operate in life. I need to either go on a drive or think deeply about those before I can being to put them in open. Need to take a few hours to write that piece. Let’s see when I get to do it. I may go for a drive with VG tonight. If that happens, I will get all the time to think about things.

Makes me realize how bad I want a car and the ability to take off without waiting for something, someone. Damn, Mr. Garg. Control your horses.

Chalo, gotta go. Before I go, here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 105
  • #aPicADay – 85
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0. Been fasting since 1 AM of the 25th Mar. So 24+ hours. Gunning for 48.
  • #noCoffee – 16
  • #noCoke – 16
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0.

250321 – Morning Pages

A quick post about ambitions, expectations, hurt, bitterness and COVID.

6:46 AM. I woke up a minute ago. Made my bed. Opened the window to the world outside and put on some music. I felt like listening to this one. And here I am typing this morning meditation.

Yeah, the morning pages need to be rechristened as morning meditations. That’s what these are. Thoughts from things that are clouding my head. For example, I slept last night thinking about how humbling the entire idea of life is. About how success is the only way you get to make great friends. About how the action (and not perfection) is what makes the world go round.

Something happened and I was fucked in the head last night. To a point, I thought I would quit things that trigger it. You know, social media. More than that, expectation from people. But then I don’t know if it was Louise Hay or Morgan Housel or Seneca or even Prof. SG that told me that all misery is in expectation. And once you stop expecting things, you are sort of free. So that happened.

The other thing that caught my eye is this tweet from PG. He postulates that people like me are “bitter and highly effective at realizing that bitterness.”

From Paul Graham. See this.

Now, I know that I am smart.
I also know that I am ambitious.
And I have yet to achieve anything, leave alone “very much”. If PG says such people are bitter, they ought to be. However, in my case, I am anything but bitter. Rather, this non-achievement makes me do more. Push more. Open more doors. May be, secretly I am. Maybe this bitterness is that part of my life that I don’t know that exists. You know, the ‘unknown self’ of Johari Window. So I need to think about it.

The other thing I am worried about is rising COVID cases in Mumbai. Now we officially have more cases than we ever had. More than when the pandemic was at its peak and we were banging bartans and lighting candles and chanting mantras and all that. Yesterday we had more than 5000 cases in Mumbai alone (out of 40000 odd that were tested). When you look at the number, it looks small, considering we have almost 2 crore people in the city. But when you juxtapose (I love this word) on people like me that are super-social (even if I am pseudosocial) that meet thousands of people, the risk gets real.

So that.

I think this is about it. There are more things that I’ve written on my echoChamber about the thing that I was fucked in the head about. Someday all of it will go in my biography. If I ever become someone whose story is worth telling the next generations. Lol. Everyone wants to be immortal.

Anyhow, that’s it for the short post. At some point in time I need to get back to writing till my heart’s full. May be when I actually start waking up at 5. Or when they start a Starbucks that opens at 5. Morning is the best damn time ever.

And here’s the streaks…

  • Morning Pages – 104
  • #aPicADay – 84
  • 10K steps a day – 0
  • OMAD – 0 (ate 4 full meals – damn stress eating).
  • #noCoffee – 15
  • #noCoke – 15
  • 10 mins of meditation – 0
  • #book2 – 0. I still haven’t been able to wake up at 5.