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in2023, I will…

A list of things that Saurabh Garg plans to work on #in2023. This is my annual post where I list my goals and ambitions and dreams and all that.

Hi! 2023 is upon us. And this is my annual review of what I did #in2022 and what I want to do #in2023. This will be a long post and for the ease of writing and your reading (if someone is reading), I will divide this into sections. Here…

Why this post? What does this post mean to me?
How do I do the review and do a yearly plan?
What did I plan to do in 2022 and how I fared?
Plans for 2023 – Grand ones, small ones and the ones that I would not pursue.

With some disclaimers, let’s dive in!

A. Why this post?

Simple answer. I like the idea of having a sense of control over where I am in life and where I am going. You know, I want me to happen to life (rather than life happening to me) and this review helps me stay the course. All this planning gives me an illusion of control. Of course, it’s a mere illusion. Life has a mind and a plan of its own and there is nothing I can plan or do that will allow me to control it. But I still do this nonetheless.

Apart from this, at a spiritual level, I feel more connected to myself after I have taken time to sit down and do a review and imagine where all I want to go. With all the million dreams and ideas and thoughts, I do get overwhelmed and get scared about the amount of work I need to put in. I do get sad that one life will probably not be enough. And I get to know my limitations as a human and I become a tad more accepting. In fact, recently in a conversation, I told one of my closest friends that I have accepted that I am past. I told her that I have accepted that I will never be the big deal that I have always wanted to be. I admitted that I will die unfulfilled and I would not know what it takes to move the world. So, I need some tethering, some sort of a compass that allows me to not lose my shit.

Plus, I like the idea of living in public. And this public documentation and disclosure help me with a sense of accountability. Of course, the goals I chart for myself are very lofty and I often dont reach the finish line. But that’s ok. I like to shoot for the moon.

With that as the background, let’s get into the how I go about writing this post.

B. How do I do this?

Pretty simple.

I start with my vision board. Then I look at this excel sheet where I have mapped all that I want to do in life. And this document that has my life themes / ethos mapped. I follow it up with a scan of tags like LifeGoals, in2022, in2023, in2026, et al on my notes app (Roam, Apple Notes, Notepads). While I do this, I make notes (mostly on a mindmap). I use Year Compass to help me think better. #in2023 I plan to make a planner of my own. And then I try to make sense of things by putting them in categories of health, wealth, relationships, career, contribution and others. I use the following chart…

Once I have gathered all the information, I go over all those one last time, finalise the mindmap, copy-paste from previous editions and start writing this post.

PS: In case you are interested in knowing how others do it, you may want to check posts from Sahil Bloom, Dick Bush, Shane P and others.

PPS: I need to write a longer post on how I do this. Maybe sometime later. #parkedIdeas

C. What did I plan and do in2022

the top three goals for #in2022 were…

Write and publish book2
Lose weight, get fit (and learn dance, run a marathon etc)
Make money (revenue, debt etc)

The longish post on all that I wanted to do in2022, is here.

Funny thing is that I have chased these exact goals since I can remember and I did not get even close to even one of these.

For book2, I made a few starts (LFWc2, 80K words for AK in the month of Oct) but I was unable to close it.

For fitness, I didn’t even move an inch. I did order a yoga mat in the last week of December!

For money, while I had a few good months, I was back to the same spot where I started the year with (taking on more debt to service expenses). I know what I do and how I operate is not sustainable but I remain hopeful that what I do will someday make sense.

#note2self: The surprising thing is that none of my goals were related to the work I do (brand consulting / events / marketing consulting etc). I mean the money goal is an outcome of work but I did not specifically plan what work I would do to make money.

This year as well, I will keep the three large ones the same as the previous years (book2, health and money). I however will add a few smaller goals (some new ones, some old ones that I haven’t been able to work on at all). I will come to those in a bit, but #in2023, I will put a larger focus on health than on anything else.

And before I get to other things, lemme do a month-on-month review of how I spent 2022. Wait. More than a review, this is a list of highlights and lowlights from the year gone by.

C.1. Month-on-month highlights from 2022

Jan – Signed a couple of new clients. One of them would eventually make me spend 3-4 months in Bangalore. More on this in a bit.
Feb – FT crossed 100 episodes. Thanks to the effort by AD and the team. While it’s helping us create the noise that we have a popular podcast, it is offering no tangible value. Not sure what to do about it. And no, not shutting it for sure.
Feb – Lost a client. This is one of those rare clients where I (and C4E) was let go because I did not perform.
Feb – Met Ankesh Kothari. I’ve met him just twice but he’s left an indelible impression on me. I wish I could be friends with him!
Apr – Did an event at Indore. Loved it. Wish I could do larger, grander events. I think it will never happen and I will die with this as an unfulfilled wish. And no, I am not ok with it. May be if I get to make a film, that would replace the trill of putting an event together? Let’s see.
Jul – Exchanged tweets and got an opportunity to work with a billionaire. While I had the opportunity, I couldn’t convert. This has to be amongst the biggest fails of the year for me. The other thing to note here is that Twitter helps me create grander opportunities than any other social network.
Aug – Along with Shikha, produced my first ad-film as a producer. I plan to expand this further in 2023.
Sep – DD went live – thanks to the hard work of Chandni, Pooja, Anshika, Vaishnavi and their team. This is one of my most ambitious projects. I hope we can take it to its destiny.
Oct – Started to keep a weekly track of what did I achieve at C4E. I should’ve done this sooner. Inspired by the tweet from Elon Musk where he asked Twitter CEO about what he did this week.
Nov – Thanks to VG, moved into a house far fancier than my aukaat. My worry is, now that I have lived here, how would I adjust to living anywhere else?
Dec – Stumbled upon Zakir Khan’s work. And I am enamoured. Like all his fans, he speaks to me at such a deep level that it feels as if he’s baring my soul on camera! See this for example. And this.

So that was my 2022 in a nutshell. Lemme catalogue big losses and wins.

C.2. Big Losses #in2022

Here is a list. In no order…

1/ I lost three big clients during the year. One I lost because we couldn’t perform. I have learnt my lessons from the loss and I am committed to not repeating. The other two we let go by ourselves. And that’s ok. I am realising that I am not ice cream and I can’t please everyone. I am ok to let go of revenue opportunities if I dont see myself or my team getting respect, learning new things or expanding our luck surface area. Oh, we did get QUITE a few new clients.

2/ I spent good 5 months in Banglaore and I couldn’t capitalise on my time there. By capitalising, I mean I should’ve been able to build a network there. But I. was unable to. As I retrospect, I realise, I made three mistakes.

I lived FAR away from the startup hotspots and that meant I couldn’t travel from where I lived to where those events were.
I did not carve out time to meet more people. I was lazy and I waited for the magic to happen. No, it doesn’t happen if you dont move your ass.
I did not have a personal brand. If I had one, people would have travelled to meet where I was. And would have taken time out at a time when I was available.

While the first two are fixable easily (I will now ensure that I live in the middle of the hotspot and I will invest a LOT of time in meeting people), I need to think hard about the third one #in2023.

3/ Got an opportunity to work with a billionaire and I couldn’t capitalise on it. Truth be told, I did EVERYthing in my power to make it happen. Including wearing a white shirt and shoes to go and meet him IRL but for some reason, I could not capitalise on it.

So this. Now onto the wins…

C.3. Big Wins #in2022

Here is a list. Again, in no order…

1/ Strengthened Team C4E. Against all odds. And I had to take on debt to be able to meet the payroll (I still need to make enough to fund the team on a month-on-month basis). But I did manage to strengthen the team.

This means that people that work with me at C4E are engaged and they like it here. We are building a company that is safe, kind, humane and inspiring. Each day is exciting for people (well, most days, not each day). They enjoy and look forward to interactions with each other.

Of course, I am merely hoping all this is true. The team at C4E may or may not agree with this. If this pic is to be believed, they are happy 🙂

2/ Operated from a sense of scarcity. A prime example is point 1 above.

3/ Interacted with two dollar-billionaires. Even if those meetings were of no use and even if they would not remember my name. Just to be standing next to them was inspiring. I hope I can meet more such people. And become one of those 🙂

4/ TRS and PPP started to make money! I have been funding these for years and we finally have cash flow coming in. Whatever they make is still not enough to run their operations but it’s a start nonetheless. Podium anyway makes some cash flow. #in2023, I hope these three (and DD as well) makes enough to break even.

That’s about it. I am sure there are more but these are the ones that I want to highlight as big achievements from the year.

#note2self: All my wins and losses are from work. Maybe I need to think harder about this.

C.4. Lessons from 2022?

So here are some lessons from 2022 (most of these have come from this post where I listed 22 lessons I learnt in 2022; some are new).

You can’t control the outcomes. You need to keep at it. Take steps. One at a time.
You need a marriage of ethos before you can do anything together with others.
People are inspired by things that give them the opportunity to do things larger than themselves. You know, showing them the vastness of the sea?
Community trumps an individual.
Young people are fascinating. We all need to spend more time with young people.
Ready, Fire, Aim is the best damn strategy.
Timing is everything and one must ALWAYS err on the side of action. If you dont act fast, you lose opportunities. And while opportunities are not scarce, that particular opportunity would disappear faster than you know it.

As I work towards my goals #in2023, I hope I can keep these at the top of my mind and act!

D. The plans and goals and dreams for #in2023

I will divide this into large goals, small goals, things I will say no to and other random words.

D.1. Three Large Goals for #in2023

The three large goals for 2023 remain the same as they were in 2022 and in 2021. And maybe in 2020 and earlier.

The point is, there is nothing else that I want more. The other things I already have. I mean I have a family that is as supportive as one would want. I have friends that back me up when I need them to. I have a team that loves each other. I have clients that talk to me with respect. I am slowly building a community of people that have the same ethos as me.

I can’t ask for anything in the relationship department (except for love – I am giving up on that). So, the three goals are…

Write and publish book2
Lose weight (get to 30″ waist), get fit (and learn Bhangra, run a sub-5 marathon, do Killer Boogie etc). Within this, I will focus on health / fitness and add things like yoga, massages, steams, multivitamins, protein shakes, cold showers et al to the routine. In fact, I have promised that this year the only reading I would do would be health-related books. And I will take notes and I will implement those in my life.
Make money (pay back the debt I have on my head and then make enough revenue to pay Team C4E more than what the market would pay them and live to that maxim about enabling others)

If I could add a 4th to this list of three, I would say I want to amplify my personal brand. But let it be in the “other goals”. Here they are.

D.2. Here are “other goals” and plans

Here’s how I will reach these goals. In no order…

1/ Build Brand SG
The goal, the Northstar metric of this is that when I walk into a room, people must know who I am and they must want to get into a business transaction with me.

To be able to achieve this, I need to be known as resourceful, reliable, intelligent, trustworthy, effective and all that. And I need to be known as an expert. On things that those rooms are discussing. I still need to work on what those things are but a broad selection would be Marketing, Startups, Storytelling, Coolness, Writing, Productivity, Creativity, People, Mentoring, Problem Solving, Web 3 and more. I know this is a LOT and I need to reduce this list to a handful.

The tangible goal is to have 100K followers each on Twitter, Linkedin and Instagram. I also want to be more visible on the Internet and in the media. Again, I dont know how to do that but I shall try. I recently created a team to help me with it. Let’s see where we reach.

2/ Preserve my mornings.
I dont think I have issues in waking up early. I will continue to do that.

The change I would make is that no one would be able to reach me before 9 AM. Maybe 10. I would in general take up meetings early (to reach early and avoid traffic). Now, I will try and refuse those. Nothing before 11 if it includes travel. Of course, I know that I may not be able to maintain this but I will do this as much as I can.

3/ Save my energy.
This means I will let go of people and things that take my energy away. Even if I have had years and years of vested interest and investment in those. You know, sunk costs.

While this energy concept is new to me, but as I grow older, I realise that this is an important one. More on this some other day. But I will sort of fade away in the bushes. You know, how Homer does it?

That!

4/ Become a People Magnet
While I try and preserve my energy, I also want to become a people magnet. This means I want to attract talented, bright and interesting people to meet me and shower me with whatever they can offer!

I dont have a tangible for this. In vague terms, I need to be the person that people want to meet even if they have to travel miles and miles to meet me.

5/ Eat home-cooked food.
Till the April of 2023, I have a house that comes with domestic help. I will try to eat as much home-cooked food as I can.

Post-April I need to find a place to live and will see if I can afford domestic help at that point. We shall see when that happens.

6/ Get frugal.
I anyway dont spend a lot of money needlessly. But I will become even more frugal with it. I have spent 4528 since morning today (morning of Jan 1, 2023). Lol! And each month, I will save at least 40% of what I make. At least till April when I have to pay just a tiny rent. Post that, we shall see.

7/ Chase 100 rejections
I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now. I think this year I will try and chase these rejections.

8/ Become a shoulder for others.
SoG will become my life’s purpose, goal, Ikigai, whatever. I need to do more of it. There are multiple things within this – SoG book, SoG grant, Team SoG and more. Each has to become big!

Oh, I will roll out the SoG Grant (I first thought about it in 2021) this year.

9/ Help others reach their goals.
See this tweet and this one. I will try and remind people of these goals each month.

10/ Establish C4E Base
I wrote the following in my 2021 plan…

Adopt an old bungalow and convert it into a cultural hub of sorts that creative people can call home. Maybe replicate it across the world. Like Soho House but far more affordable and far more meaningful. Got inspired by this person. Part of Personal / Curiosity.
Saurabh Garg, 2021 Plan (link)

I want to make this happen this year. This is also in line with my thought on being a people magnet, having more handshakes (compared to Zoom meetings), becoming a shoulder for others and do more!

11/ Do a Startup
What I do at C4E is fantastic but I am still a services company and I need to find a way to not rent my time.

12/ C4E International
In case I am unable to do #11, I will try and take C4E beyond India. The long-term goal is to be out of India and I need to take steps in that direction already.

#note2self: Need to do a similar review / plan for C4E. Apart from international operations, I am thinking about evolving into a collective (getting more people to be a part of the loose network), establishing niche agencies (women, youth, web 3 etc), creating a line of products and more.

13/ A Film Script
I really want to have my name in a film. And I want to do whatever it takes to make it happen. But then I am on the edge on this. The priority would be book2. If I get that out of the way and I am left with time, I may pick this up.

So these are minor goals for #in2023.

I know this is a long list but these are all secondary goals. Ambition is to get the primary ones going!

Other things that I want to do but I am saying no to in2023…

In no order…

Poker. I will get back to it once I have achieved financial freedom.
Pool. I thought about getting back to it. But I realised I am not good at it to be world-class and thus no point putting time and energy into it.
LHV (unless I am compelled to do it for elevating my brand).
Needless travel. While I love to travel and I like the idea of exploring newer places, with a heavy heart, I will say no to it this year. Unless it’s for work or with my family. So, no friendly trips, no needless holidays, no relaxation ones.
Minimalism. I have always liked the idea of having no material possessions and living an untethered life. I will change this. I will acquire things that make my life more comfortable, more convenient and more productive. So for example, I will buy massage rollers, shakers (for protein shakes), hardware for computers etc.

PS: These are the 5 that I can think of right now. Over the year, I will keep adding to this. Maybe I will bring some from the 13 above into this!

Let’s see.

So, in the end…

I’d like to end this post and the year plan with two things.

1/ I plan to live a lot more in public this year. This means that I will share what I am up to on a public forum. This sheet specifically. This is WIP and I will evolve this over the next few weeks.

2/ This is a vision board that my friends made for me on my 40th birthday. I am reproducing it here (have redacted a few things). Before this year, I have never had a team of my own. The only people I have been responsible for (and there too I did not do a good job) were my family. But now I have people to take care of and be accountable to. And thus I will have to work hard to live up to their expectations.

I will use this board as a reminder to self!

This is what the team at C4E made for me. I was surprised that they could capture my ambitions and plans so well, and that too in one document!

The mantra for 2023?

As I end this, I would say that the mantra for 2023 would be…

Me. Enabled by we.
We. Enabled by me.

Here’s a post that I wrote on the last day of 2022 that captures this well…

This is how I would summarise the year that went by.
And how I hope 2023 would be. Posted here first.

That’s about it for the time being.
My review of 2022.
And ambition for 2023.
Apart from this post, I have captured these on a mindmap as well. In case you want a copy, please do let me know.

Oh, and here are posts from previous years.
2022 – Annual Goals
2021 – Annual Goals, Jan-Feb-Mar, Apr-May-Jun, Jul-Aug-Sep-Oct-Nov
2020 – Annual Goals, Jan, Feb-Mar, Apr-May, Jun-Jul-Aug
2019 – Aug, Sep, Oct, Nov, Dec
Older posts – 2018, 2017, 2015, 2014, 2013, and 2012.

Here’s wishing you a glorious, fascinating, fulfilling 2023. May it is the best year of your life.

Thank you for reading!
Thank you for your support and patronage!

Saurabh Garg
1 Jan 2023, Mumbai

PS: Here are a few disclaimers…

I tend to operate on extremes. While planning, I assume that I am God and I can do everything and anything. So I am VERY VERY optimistic about my plans. So if I know that I want to write 100K words in the year, I will plan to write 200K. And while doing a review, I am harsher on myself than I am optimistic. So if I end up writing the 100K words I had planned, I assume that I’ve written just 50K.
Each year, thus, I list down a million lofty things that I want to achieve in the course of the year. And beyond. I always aim far beyond what I know I am capable of. I mean unless I aim for the moon, how do I get to be in the middle of stars?

22 life lessons from 2022

A list of 22 life lessons that I learned in 2022. In 2023, I hope to leverage some of these to ensure that I do better.

So my fetish for making lists does not seem to be stopping. Here is another. And this time, I have 22 life lessons that 2022 has taught me.

In no order, let’s go and dive into the list of life lessons…

1/ The world does NOT owe you anything. While you need to keep the faith and keep trying, you need to know that you will HAVE to work hard.

2/ The world is a mere reflection of your true self. Depending on how you are, the world is an incredibly kind place. Or an unkind place. If you are kind, the world will be kind. If you are unkind, the world will be that. If you feel that the world doesn’t care for you, and leaves you lonely and miserable, in all probability it is you who’s not caring for others, who’s leaving others lonely.

3/ People are lazy. People typically will revert to mean to their general level of laziness. You know, entropy.

4/ People are incredible. While there are lazy people, some are incredibly good! And your job is to identify those people.

5/ Ethos is everything. This year I picked up a project that paid me ok but made me work closely with people that had very different ethos from mine. If I were a mere contractor delivering things to them against a predecided structure, I would have done well. But I was expected to do more and I failed. So, when working on long-term, fluid projects, always check for alignment of ethos.

6/ Sunk Cost Fallacy is a real thing. I am still unable to come to terms with this. I need to work on this #in2023.

7/ Show people the vastness of the sea. If you manage a team, the whole drumming up and showing them the vastness of the sea works wonders. The team at C4E is a testimony.

8/ Start writing. For writing opens doors that you did not even know existed. Thanks to my writing, I could meet two dollar-billionaires this year (one IRL and one online). And another that manages a fund of more than a billion.

9/ Youth will surprise you. Even though am a big believer in “if youth knew and if age could”, my interactions with numerous 20-something-year-olds have left me spellbound. Each has surprised me beyond belief and I know the world is in better hands.

The old ones that dismiss these young ones as frivolous, inexperienced, unaware, are in for a rude shock. Even Steve famously said…

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. Yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is as it should be because death is very likely the single best invention of life.

It’s life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now, the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away.
Steve Jobs, link

10/ There are wartime people and peacetime people. You need to understand who is who and surround yourself with the right ones. This is inspired by Ben Horowitz‘s Wartime CEO and Peacetime CEO riff. Read it here. See it here.

Also, this life lesson is probably the most important as it will allow you to not choose the wrong shoulder to lean on when you need to lean. I made the mistake of considering a good friend as a wartime one but then he was clearly a peacetime one and because I relied on him, it caused me a lot of pain.

11/ Your heroes WILL fall. So rather than blind adulation of your heroes (aka Hero worship), learn the art of abstracting the Heros from their heroics. What you find enthralling in a Hero could merely be the act.

12/ The life of constant hustle is NOT for everyone. If you are someone that believes that you are not “feeling” it while you grind away, it’s okay to go back to a 9-to-5 and enjoy a stable salary.

On the other hand, I need to not judge people for the lack of it.

13/ The ability to design has to be the SINGLE most important skill that a person can acquire in this day and age. This may sound counter-intuitive when there are apparent high-value skills like coding, writing (copywriting), coaching, speaking, sales, presenting et al.

Thing is, the world we live in will increasingly become more and more “visual”. Text will become commonplace and tools like chatGPT would make it easier. No code will make it easy to do pilots. Sales team would be easy to hire in remote locations. But the ability to doodle well enough to communicate an idea would remain in short supply. And it will become the single largest differentiating factor.

I wish I was not 40. If I wasn’t, I would drop everything and learn how to do basic design. And no, what you do on Canva is NOT design.

14/ The iPhone 14 Pro’s screen is NOT unscratchable. Sigh!

15/ Remote work is a farce. Nothing replaces a handshake. Or a pat on the back.

In fact, you need to live at the very epicentre of activity for the profession of your choosing.

You may argue that there are people that have found freedom of location and are travelling. They are exceptions, edge cases. And most of us aren’t that. So, to maximise the odds of success, satisfaction, life expectancy, opportunities and all that, we need to live at the epicentre. If you want to do a startup, be in Bangalore. If you want to make films, Mumbai. A chef? Paris. Dont have the money to make the move? Hustle!

16/ Live music is the best form of music.

17/ Ready, Fire, Aim is the best DAMN strategy to get things done. Most great things that happened to me in 2022 happened as an outcome of this. In fact, if there was one life lesson that I would want you to take away from this list, it would be this.

Lemme repeat.

Ready. Fire. Aim.

18/ Mimetic Theory is a great place to start if you want to understand people. Even though a lot hasn’t been said about it outside the startup circles, it is probably the single most important thing you can learn if you want to understand what moves the world.

While mimesis has been discussed a lot in philosophy, from whatever little I’ve read, I like what Girard has to say about it. I may be merely recommending him because he reaffirms my worldview. Nonetheless, this is a brilliant video if you want a primer.

19/ Your body can be trained to do whatever you want to. This year I was able to do a 40+ hour fast without putting in any specific training / preparation. I want to be able to do a 12-day fast at some point in time in my life. Let’s see when.

20/ People that are not in your boat will never be able to empathise with you. You are the only man in the arena and you are there by yourself. So when you share things with others, even if they are your best friends, they will not be able to relate to the pain you are going thru.

In 2022, I’ve learnt that a good way to get over the disappointment of your close one’s inability to get your grief is to journal. In private.

21/ Action speaks louder than words. Nothing new in this. Found this truer in 2022. With friends, clients, team, strangers and everyone else.

22/ This too shall pass. Each of my list starts and ends with this. Good times dont last. Bad times dont last.

And this brings me to the end of the list. Of 22 life lessons that 2022 taught me. Of course, I learnt these the hard way. The intent of capturing these here is to save you the pain and the grief. How benevolent, Mr Garg!

What are some lessons you learnt in 2022 that you’d like to share widely?

PS: Like I said in the beginning, I love making lists. Other lists that I have published here are…

PPS: Here’s a few disclaimers…

These come from the personal experiences that I gathered over the last year.
Some of these may have been with me for a while but they sort of solidified over the last year.
I have obfuscated some facts and events for obvious reasons.

in2022, I will…

A list of things that I plan to work on #in2022. This is my annual post where I list my goals and ambitions and dreams and all that.

Hello! So a new year is here upon us. And more than anything else, to me, it means that I have a new list of things to do, new impossibles to chase down, new shiny objects to get enamoured by, new dreams to be converted into reality and in general, take new shot at a fresh start.

Thing is, I love the idea of new. New people, new places, new opportunities, new years. The new year specifically to me is an opportunity to reset. To restart. To be a buffoon again. For what’s it worth, I find the notion of a restart or a reset very very cool. Even though I am older by a year and ought to be a tad wiser, most probably I am not. And I am ok with that. For one, I refuse to believe that I am older. At least in my head, I remain a young, fool that continues to believe that I will live forever. And second, I continue to believe that life is malleable per whims.

PS: I must say that even though I believe I would live forever, I am very very aware of my mortality. I know the time is limited. And to make matters worse, none of us knows when our time would be up. So, I am an ageist. I like the idea of doing things here and now. Yeah, I am full of dichotomies and made up of contradictions.

Each year, thus, I list down a million lofty things that I want to achieve in the course of the year. And beyond. I always aim far beyond what I know I am capable of. I mean unless I aim for the moon, how do I get to be in the middle of stars?

PS: This moon and stars analogy is wrong it should be the other way around cos the closest star is the Sun, but you get the drift.

So, in this post, I will try and list down things I want to do #in2022.

But before that, a quick recap of the year gone by.

If I were to summarise 2021, I would say it was a mixed bag. I did manage a few things, some that I have never imagined. Like the trek to Everest Base Camp. And I messed up on more things than I would’ve liked. And I made more mistakes than I thought I was capable of. I would list those on my echochamber. The worst is that I am hurt and guilty that I left a few people in the lurch. I mean my hurt is a thing but they must be angry, livid at me! Thing is, one of the maxims I live by is that I want to do onto others as I would them to do onto me. Thus, if I dont fulfil a promise or honour a commitment, I feel really bad. In 2021, there were quite a few of those. This year, I will try to reduce these mistakes.

PS: Here’s contradiction # 2. While I dont want to make mistakes, I know that unless I throw a million darts, the odds of hitting the bullseye are abysmal. So, I need to keep throwing darts. And that would mean I would make mistakes. And that would mean I would end up leaving people in the lurch. I would probably not be able to honour my commitments. A solution could be that I can tell people up front about the “risks” and potential fault lines of working with me. At least they would know what they are getting into? May be.

So, coming to the #in2022 plan,

There are just way too many things that I do and as a result, the energy and attention are scattered all over the place. To a point that I can’t even seem to make a list of things that I want to work on in the coming year. But then if I look at those things closely, there is this pattern that seems to emerge. There are a few broad themes that I chase in life. No, none of these are unique, neither is the combination unique. Just that somehow I am gravitated towards these, even if I want to move away. So, rather than going against the force of nature, I thought, this year, lemme embrace this!

So this year, I will do something different. I will not make a list of goals public. Rather, I will identify a few broad themes that I want to stand for in life. And thus, rather than chasing a list of goals this year, I will create systems that allow me to be consistent and insync with these themes. And if along the way, my goals are met, I’d talk about those and celebrate those.

Without further ado, here are the themes for 2022…

1/ Network.
The importance of being insanely connected was always known to me but in 2021, I saw it in action. I totally understand, at a deep level, when people say that your network is your net worth. #in2022, I want to work hard on amping my network. If this means I need to send out 1000 cold emails this year to random people, I would (this is an example of a goal that I would typically set for myself). If this means I need to find a system to manage all the people I talk to and conversations I have with them, I would. If this means I need to leave a lot of money on the table, I would. If this means I need to dress well and put myself out of my comfort zone by going to parties and getting into inane discussions about films, politics, food, wine and all that, I would. You get the drift.

2/ Open doors. For self. And for others.
This is a mini-theme in continuation to the one above. I would work to open as many doors as I can for myself and for others around me. Especially for the ones that have put their trust and faith in me. #in2022, I will become a super-connector. I would become like Red, “a regular Sears and Roebuck”?

Brings me to the next thing.

3/ People first.
I am not a creator per se that can work in isolation and create magic. And then hope that those wonders would allow me to earn a livelihood while I sit in a cave. Neither am I a maverick that is so good that I create one piece of work that allows me to earn passively. And I am definitely not the one to create schemes that promise “lessons” to others and profits of that.

Plus, most of the work I get is from connections I’ve made over the years. The key clients that I work for right now, I first made their acquaintance in 2006, 2013, 2014 and 2017 respectively. The most recent client was “acquired” in 2017. 4 years ago. Clear example of the value and utility of long-term thinking / relationships. So, #in2022, I will do whatever it takes to become a people magnet. Attract people. Add value to their lives. Expect nothing. Invest. And let the seed of the relationships germinate and compound. And wait for the fruit.

PS: This is similar to 1 and 2 but there is a tiny difference. While 1 and 2 and more action-oriented, this one is little more open-ended. I mean I dont know what it takes to be a magnet. I have a tough time holding attention of people when we are not talking work and here I am. Trying to a magnet!

Also, this year, I am making a commitment to help a friend reach his life goals.

4/ Do difficult things.
All my life, I’ve had it easy. From parents to family to friends. Actually no. Things haven’t been easy at all. It’s probably my attitude that makes them look easy. Digressing. The point is, I believe I can do even more difficult things than what I do right now. Or have ever done. So, #in2022, I will do things that take me out of my comfort zone. For example, talking to strangers, dressing well, asking for help, calling a spade a spade, leaving behind dead weight when I want to move on, not being afraid of ridicule, chasing rejections, getting into more debates (even if they are public), putting myself out there, etc etc.

In one line, take more shots at things that I know for sure are out of my reach.

5/ Cash flow.
Since I took my first shot at entrepreneurship (no, not the time when as a kid I rented comics), each thing I worked on, with each idea, I would chase everything but cash flow. #in2022, unless I see clear cash flow with things I am working on, I will not work on those.

Except when I get to learn with those ideas. Or when the idea allows me to build on top of what I’ve already built. Or when an idea expands the cohorts of people I know.

So, any new “community” play is out. And yes, more “new” things are probably in.

PS: This is a bit hazy, to be honest. But I hope to crystalise this in a few weeks.

6/ Ship.
This is linked to the one above. Most times, with most ideas, I would merely imagine the start point and the end state and then I would forget about those. This is probably why there was no cash flows with ideas. #in2022, I would ensure that I ship. Enough of talking.

My method to ship remains the same – find partners to work together. I know I cant do things by myself. Just that, this year, I would be more prudent and judicious with how I partner up. All this while, I would look for ambition and passion as the filter. I assumed that I could ~~manipulate~~ get them to see world from my lens. I was mistaken.

Going further, I would look for just the ethos. Once that’s in sync, other things are easier to work on. I for one am very clear in how I operate and what ethos I have and thus I should be able to filter people on the basis of that.

And of course, vice versa. The ones I choose to work with may not like me or my ethos. So, I need to fit in their ethos-system as well. Unless this marriage of ethos happen, I dont think I would partner up.

7/ Finish.
Again, linked to 5 and 6, I am guilty of starting a million things and not taking even one to a logical conclusion. As a mentor (AS) pointed out (way back in 2019), I think I know the path that I need to walk to get to the end line and thus I dont actually do it.

So, #in2o22, when I start a project, I will know the “end state” of that project before hand and I will ensure that I take it to the end state. If a project’s end state is planned for after 10 years, I will know the milestone for each of those 10 years. And aim for each of those. Of course, each idea is like a human being. You imagine it to have some sort of life and in a few months, you realise that it is on a very different trajectory altogether. Which is fine. But when I give birth to an idea, I will ensure that I know the milestones for that. And work towards shipping and finishing those. So that!

8/ Self First
While a lot of what I want to do is for others and by others, I will make myself the centre of my universe. If I wasn’t already. I would also work towards making my word have more gravitas. And I would want to be known for my ability to get things done and open doors.

This was on my list last year also to be honest but I couldn’t work on this.

9/ Grow
This is a simple one.

Will happen automatically if I stick to the themes. I want to grow as a person, as a thinker, as a doer, as a getting things done guy, as a speaker, as a business person etc.

So these are the themes for the year.

Coming to the goals, of course I have a long list of goals that I want to chase this year. Here they are…

The tangible and measurable goals for the year.

For example, I want to be 32″ when I end this year. I have made a bet to get my photo plasterd on a hoarding if I am not. I also want to buy a luxury car this year. That means I need to be in a debt-free state. Then, I want to be Japan for a bit. I want to have more followers on twitter. Publish my book. Run a marathon. Climb a 6K meter mountain. Start playing poker again.

I am not listing any of those here. The top three goals remain the same. These are…

Write and publish book2
Lose weight, get fit (and learn dance, run a marathon etc)
Make money (revenue, debt etc)

Yes, there are other sub-goals within these goals. And there are other philosophical goals. I have a sheet I’ve been using since 2017 or so to list my goals. Should people ask for it, I am happy to open it up and add to this post here. But that would be meaningless as I am sure that I want to chase themes and not just the goals.

So yeah! That’s about it for #in2022. Let’s make this the best year of lives so far!

Over and out!

PS: Like each year, at some point I will write a list of the highlights of the year gone by. And the lessons I learnt. Need a few more days for this. Let’s see when I post that.

PPS: I need to talk about the moonshot and lifegoals and how this years fits into that grand scheme. I need another post for this. For the time being, this is dense enough for me to lose whatever hair I’ve left on me.

PPPS: To be able to write this, I relied on Year Compass, my vision board and my notes that I’ve been taking over the years. The North Star has remained the three large goals that I want to achieve in life – climb the Mt. Everest, have a billion dollars in cash and impact a billion lives.

PPPPS: Here are previous updates from me…

2022 – Annual Goals (this post)
2021 – Annual Goals, Jan-Feb-Mar, Apr-May-Jun, Jul-Aug-Sep-Oct-Nov
2020 – Annual Goals, Jan, Feb-Mar, Apr-May, Jun-Jul-Aug
2019 – Aug, Sep, Oct, Nov, Dec

And here are yearly posts from previous years – 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2015, 2014, 2013, and 2012. I may have some data / notes from the years prior to 2012. I can try and pull those out but I dont see the merit and thus they shall remain buried in some drive somewhere.

Finally, to be honest, as I read the updates for 2021 and 2020, I realised those were written so much better. And not a lot has changed. I am still talking about the things that I talked about years ago. I am in stasis 🙁

221021 – Morning Pages

I talk about how my dreams of a nation are getting shattered! And more.

8:54. Some hotel in Gurgoan. Before you ask, no I am not sick or tired of sleeping on a different bed each night. I actually like it. Let’s see how many days this continues.

Ok morning pages. I have to start by “declaring” that today I am fasting. Come what may. And I will not even have coffee. Or Coke. Only water. And chewing gum. I dont feel good. There’s way too much kachra that I have been feeding myself. I mean there’s nothing that comes close to eating the perfect Chole Bhature in Delhi and the after-taste is great and you feel good. But after a while, all the maida sort of blows up my belly. So, I am done. At least today. Not sure about tomorrow. But today, I am on a fast. If I eat something today, I will donate 5000 to a charity of Krishna’s choice.

With that out of the way, let’s talk the real morning pages.

So, unless you live under the cave, you would know that SRK’s son is in jail. And there was this Fab India ad that created a storm. And yesterday I discovered there was another ad by Ceat that made people mad. And I think I mentioned on morning pages that an email exchange on my alumni group sort of showcased the rift in the society and the angst that is simmering just below the surface.

And, it SUCKS. To a point that I have decided (and it’s a #lifeEvent for me) that I will move on. And I regret that I did not move on earlier. I don’t know what I would do (the skills I have are not really transferable) but I will move on. Even if I have to become a cabbie. I know it’s one life and time doesn’t turn back and I am closer to my death than how many years I have been around. I know my biggest “career” bet (with films with TRS, in terms of efforts, money, emotions) is right here. I know that I wouldn’t be able to start from scratch. But I know that I am out. I will probably plan the move. I mean it may take a few months. Or a few years. Or whatever. But I will move on. Here’s a promise to self. #sgLifeGoal. I will not die in India. Unless I can “affect” how India is.

So that.

Here’s the journal.

Emoticon: :|. It’s tough being who I am. Conflicted. All over the place. Spread out. Etc etc.
Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
Things that I am grateful for
1. The fact that I can decide on how to spend my time.
2. The fact that I can use the gift of the gab decent enough to get things done and create opportunities.
Things that would make my today great. Just one thing.
1. If I can fast, it would be great. I’ve been up for 40 odd minutes and I’ve just had water. Need to sustain this for another 14 or so hours 😀
A daily affirmation. I can control my urges and wishes. I am the master of my sense. If I decide to stay hungry, I can go for hours. And even days.
Amazing things that happened yesterday?
1. I ate Chole Bhature yesterday. Loved the taste. I realised that I am not as taste-dead as I thought I was.
2. It was amazing to sit by myself in an empty office of a friend and get a few things done.
What could have made yesterday better?
1. Work. Funnily, there is nothing on the top of my mind but work. I would have loved to get more things done than what I got done yesterday.
2. Food. If I could control the food that I ate, it would be better.
Quote for the day
Dar ke aage jeet hai! Lol!

Guess this is about it for the day. And here’s the streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
NOFAP – 0
#noCoke – 3
#noCoffee – 0
#aPicADay – 14. Yesterday’s here.
Daily Journal – 15
Money spent – 11268
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
Daily Mail to #teamSG – 15
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
Morning Pages / Meditations – 15

130921 – Morning Pages

A note from the land of thekas and perpetual construction!

8:43. This one comes to you from a Starbucks in Gurgaon. Took me almost two hours to reach here. Had to meet a couple of people and anyway what else would I do at home. I am even hoping to stay back the night and meet more people if I can.

There is this funny feeling when I am in Gurgaon. I see these tall, swanky buildings and people dressed in their official best and making merry after their office hours at those fancy places to dine out. It’s a world that I want to belong to but I am unable to relate to. A lot of people I know can only navigate life in such worlds and would probably be lost at a place like Mumbai, where ~~I have decided to live~~ life has decided to make me call home. Actually, I can’t really call Mumbai home. There’s nothing that I look forward to. The only thing that Mumbai offers me that no other city offers me is the freedom and convenience to move around. And in a way, I want to. I mean I am almost always the worst dressed person around. And in Mumbai, it’s cool. At Gurgaon, I get stares when I walk around. Today I am dressed in my best shirt and a pair of jeans. And yet I am being stared at. Probably it’s the chappal.

Reminds me. I have less than a week now to go and I am still not wearing shoes. And to top it off, I went and bought a pair of hiking sandals for myself. My plan is to wear those as far as I can. And wear shoes only and if only I need to.

In other news, I have started to think about where life would take me from here on. For a change, I have started to get serious. In the sense, I was in the zone where I was steadfast in my decision to stay independent. Where I try to find work that gives me the freedom to move around, live anywhere, and do multiple things. But this trip to Delhi has changed a few things. For starters, I now need to up my ante as a son. My parents need me. And they need the money. With my lifestyle, money has always been a challenge. I was ok to live life as and when and I have upgraded and downgraded my lifestyle a few times already. But now, I think I need some sort of stability. More than for myself, for my folks. They have only given me. I owe them this much. Even if that means I need to put my life and my aspirations at stake. In an ideal world, I would make both things work – get something that allows me the freedom, and them the comfort that money can bring. No, I often dont talk about these things in public but well, live in public!

Ok. Moving on from somber things.

I am still undecided about working from Nepal. On one side, it would offer an opportunity to work from a new place and understand a new place. The stint in Goa was very very useful. I made a few connections and learned a lot. If I could work from Nepal for a few days, it would be very enriching. In arguments against working from Nepal, the challenge would be to find a place that allows me to make phone calls in peace and a comfortable enough bed to crash on. BTW, my definition of comfort is fairly evolved and most people I know will probably not understand it. More on this some other day.

What else? Guess this is about it. I am in that place where I know that I have a 3-week break coming up. In less than a week. And that means I can’t initiate any new projects. And there’s no time per se to even push things on exiting projects. Weird kind of place to be in, to be honest.

But I guess, as they say, this too shall pass!

And before I end this, here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 186
#noCoffee – 30
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 2560
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1 (buying things for once in a life adventures)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 276
NOFAP – 12

100921 – Morning Pages

A quick post where I rant to my heart’s content. About nothing in specific. And yet, about everything.

7:08. Home. Woke up some time ago. I am unable to find a place where I can sit and work. There is this humdrum of a well-lived house – sounds of clattering from the kitchen, water being poured somewhere on some plants, the incessant doorbell, and so on and so forth. I am so so so used to living by myself and designing my spaces to my liking that I am unable to understand how to react to all this commotion. Of course, this is not commotion per se. This is more like the sounds of life but I guess these are not for me. I designed my life in a way that I did not have a kitchen (though I wanted to change that), there was no one to talk to or do anything till I first initiated. Even when I lived with sgGF, she was the kind to sleep late and I had the first few hours of the day to myself. And there’s nothing that sets my mood, the tone of my day like the mornings do. My mornings are the most sacrosanct time. I need to be left to myself – even if I am watching Taarak Mehta!

Plus, since I have come home (been two days), I haven’t been able to think of things. This happens each time I am here. I am not sure what is the cause. There has to be one. Why is it that I am not as engaged as I would want to be when I am in Delhi? #tothink

Anyhow. Rant hai. Moving on.

So in the highlights yesterday, I met one of those young ones that I want to become my budhape ki laathi. It was fabulous to see young people and their ambitions and dreams and the effort they are willing to make for that. I wish I could give them a better support system than what I have offered them right now. I call them #teamSG. I need to find a better name. I mean Team SG is super vain and I don’t want that. So that’s something I need to work on.

I was also at a Decathlon outlet and I was amazed at the collection. The sad part though was that the person who was support to help around was super uninterested in selling. What a shame, to be honest. Also, I noticed a subtle difference. At the Decathlons in Mumbai, they dont ask you to deposit your bags to the security. Here, they did. Guess something to do with how people behave? How big a problem pilferage is in Delhi? Lol!

Oh, I missed mentioning but I slept at around 7 last night. Woke up at 9. Slept again at 10. And then I woke up at 6ish today. And while the sleep was ok, I had a few distinct dreams that I recall. Yay! I think it’s after a while that I have been able to remember my dreams. Took a note over at #echochamber.

For the EBC, I had planned to take a Gimbal and a new phone to record a video blog of the journey. However, I have decided against it. I dont have the money to get a phone. And the one I have can’t do – it’s a three-year-old iPhone and the battery is literally dead. And I dont want to spend anything. I would rather use the money to help build the people that I care for. No, I can’t put in words why I do this for others but this is what defines me and I can’t escape from it. Maybe with time, I will change but as of today, this is how it is. So that!

What else?

I feel as if I have a lot to talk about. A lot to write. A lot to pour out. But then the thoughts are scattered so all over the place that I dont know what to do. I am so glad that I have this break coming up. I will be with some people but I can choose to remain aloof and silent and merely observe things. Let’s see how that experiment goes.

Guess this is about it. Time to get going with the day. Have a lot to do. Need to of course find a place to go work from. Not sure where I’d go. Time shall tell.

Over and out. Here’s streaks.

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 183
#noCoffee – 27
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 6096
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2 +1 (ease of shifting)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 273
NOFAP – 9

080921 – Morning Pages

A short note on mortality and how I would want to leave this world. When I do.

9:38. Home. The only home I’ve ever known. Except in the embrace of the ones I that I’ve loved. And the ones that have loved me. So this home, the one I have grown in, am here after a while. Almost a year! The last time I came here, it was Diwali of 2020 and then I went to Goa. And then I was in Mumbai and then the pandemic hit us again and all that. So that.

Ok. Time to get into some somber mood. This is probably one of the most important posts I’d ever write. I hope words can do justice.

So yesterday, I went to a hospital to meet a relative who’s just had heart surgery.

Lemme give some context. I’ve known him since I was a child and I have spent enough and more time in his backyard. Even in his lap. And he’s given me no less love than he would give to his children. And in life, he’s been a pillar to the entire family. And beyond. He has been an icon of righteousness, selfless service, and everything that you want in a man. No, he’s not really one of those people who’d inspire you with his tales of courage or exploits in business. He is as simple as they come and yet as special as they could be.

Yesterday, he was bedridden. Which is ok. I have seen him when he’s asleep.

But then he had a million wires and hoses and pipes running through his body to the machines that sort of keep the vital functions alive. He looked frail. Fragile. He still had his confidence and his neck held high, the one that I remember him for. But he was clearly putting in a lot of effort to do that. And oh man, did he put the effort!

Of course, he would recover and would be back to action before we know it. Of course, this is part and parcel of life. Of course, I need to be strong and get used to seeing my loved ones in that state – after all, age is catching up.

But that’s not what this post is about. It is about how I do NOT want to be like that. Articulation happened when I was talking to Krishna yesterday. So, the thing is, most people that know me, know me as someone hyper. Someone that can’t sit idle for a minute. Someone that is so fidgety that he’s moving all the time. Someone so full of energy that it’s literally impossible to control. Or contain. Someone who’s so infectious, so disturbing, so all over the place that you can’t ignore him. I dont know if this is good or bad. But this is how I am. If you have any other impressions of me, please do let me know.

So, if I were to fall sick and I am forced onto a bed, bondage-d by pipes and cables and all that, I do NOT want anyone I know to see me decapitated like that. Before any of those people that I love (there are just a handful of those) were to see me like that, I would want the plug to be pulled. Really. I have thought hard about this. For all the zest I have for life, for all the things I want to do with our limited time here, if I am ever in a position like that, I really want my dreams, my hopes, my existence to be wiped out. I am ok to go without saying my goodbyes. The good part is that hardly anyone cares for me outside my parents and probably my sis. So there is no question of giving closure to people. They would find it. Time anyway heals.

Coming back. So, I dont want the ones I love to have the last memory of me to not be of a person that couldn’t sit still and not have child-like enthusiasm or energy. Come what may.

So yeah. That.

Over and out.

And here’s streaks.

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 181
#noCoffee – 25
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 3109
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2 +1 (ease of shifting)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 271
NOFAP – 7

020921 – Morning Pages

A quick post about a day when I am uncharacteristically happy. About nothing in specific. Read on!

8:19. Starbucks.

Second last day in Mumbai for this stint. The move has been surprisingly smooth. I mean it had all the snafus and fubars and all that (shifting, packing, misplacing things, breaking things that I am sentimental about, etc) but more or less it was an ok experience. The advantages of not having a lot of things! Minimalism +1!

Even though I slept with a heavy heart (not sure why – may be cos I am not doing well at work, may be I am not feeling loved by the ones I want to be loved by, may be it’s just because I am moving away from Mumbai) but when I woke up, I was surprisingly in a great mood. May be because I did not eat a lot yesterday and my system is feeling clean. Lol. May be because we wrapped the shoot of the next short (but I did not play any role in it apart from funding it). May be I spoke to an artist (Manmeet Narang – see this video) that I am a big fan of and that interaction left me inspired. May be it’s the fabulous weather – some sunshine, some rains, a lot of wind – exactly the kinds I’ve experienced in my trips to colder counties.

I dont know what it is but I am in the zone. I feel relaxed, content, in the moment. A rarity for someone like me that is all over the place, all the time.

As I write this, I am perched on a high table, hunched over my laptop and I am grooving to the music on my headphones. If you are curious, I heard this, this and now I am on this. I just hope this, whatever this is, continues. I must preserve this with all I have. I must try and reach this place, this feeling as often as I can. If only I knew how to. Let’s see.

So, the best part of yesterday was that I managed OMAD. It was pretty simple actually. All I had to do was not eat till about 12 and then occupy myself with work, meetings, and all that. Reminds me of the rant from a few days ago about food – that you eat when you are stressed, you are social or you are habituated. I removed all three yesterday. And I could manage. Let’s see how it goes today. I do have a long day with a lot of work and a lot of stressful phone calls to make. But I shall prevail. In fact, someone just shared this with me…

This is such a simple statement and yet so powerful. I must make the clear decision to stay away from things that drag me down, even if it’s work. I need to become unfuckwithable. And chase this contentment and chase greatness and chase impact and all that. Of course, these are very very wide statements and at some point, I need to crystalize these, and I will. But, definitely a #note2self

Oh, today also happens to be Shubhi’s birthday. She’s one of those rare people that I can bare my soul in front of. No other thoughts to be honest. Just wanted to put this here. She is that important.

I guess this is about it for the day. Time to get started. Like I said, I have a long day ahead. Let’s see how I end the day.

Here’s the streaks.

OMAD – 1. Managed it yesterday. I sort of decided that I will spend the next few days trying to get in some sort of shape for EBC. Even though I am very late for it. But I will do whatever I can.
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 175
#noCoffee – 19
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 630
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2 +1 (ease of shifting)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 265

280821 – Morning Pages

A quick post about the effort and horrors and mindfuckery that moving things from a house could be.

8:41. Moving day. Have packed my life. In one suitcase. One carry-on. One laptop bag that I carry around on day to day basis. Three Ikea bags. Four cartons. A writing table. Two chairs. And this blog. That’s all. My life. Funny how much self-important you consider yourself to be and at the end of it, what you are left with is just a handful of things. I mean if I were to die tomorrow, that’s all I would leave behind. No legacy, nothing of interest to anyone. Nothing that others could look at and wonder who was this guy?

There were things that till a few days away I would have killed to retain, save, take care of. But then I decided that I did not want to. In fact, this inventory that I made above? I want to be able to discard those as well. At some point in time in life. Let’s see when I do that. I still need a lot of work to be able to reach that place.

So anyhow. Yesterday I did an interesting experiment. I was forced to actually. I worked from the shelter (I think is what this house was – a shelter. I was never home) till about 4 and then went to Starbucks. And then stayed there till about 10. While I was there, I could get a lot of calls done and a lot of things that needed work. But then I must say that the place is a lot more vibrant at that hour. There were people all over. There was cheer and love and sadness and dreams and work and plans and everything else that you can imagine can happen at a place like Starbucks!

So this is the time when I am a little ok, a little at peace. In about an hour or so (if Paras is on time), I will be full of stress and full of anger. I hate the idea of moving. There are way too many things that are in motion. There is way too much intrusion into privacy. And I am one of those extremely private people. I mean I am ok to live in public but I dont like people peering into my house. I dont know why. It’s funny. I am ok with people knowing that my friends dont come around when I need them, but I dont want them to see how I live. It’s weird and eccentric, to be honest. But that’s how it is.

So today starts a longish weekend for people. Monday is a chutti. So the external parties demanding attention would be limited. That would help. Been working way too hard over the last few days and I think I can do with this non-intrusive life. Of course, I am working but at my pace, at my time, at my convenience. I am also on the road a lot. In the sense, I am shutting between two houses in Andheri today to move my things. Then I am in Bandra tomorrow in the morning (will have to ensure that I wake up early and write morning pages), I have a call right after that. I am in Powai on Monday morning. For almost the entire day. Then Ghatkopar on Tuesday. Again for an entire day. Post that I will have some sort of reprieve from travel. Till the train on Friday. And then madness in and around Delhi. I know I would be unhappy while in Delhi but there’s no other place I can truly call home.

What else am I thinking about?

Ummm… not sure. This moving around is such a big thing in itself that it occupies all the space in your head and soul. Oh, I have a podcast to record today. So that should be interesting. I like the idea of talking to people and listening to them and learning from them. So that’s gonna be cool.

Ok, I think this is about it for the day. I need to clean a few more things even before the boys I’ve called to help move come in. I hate the idea of dirt, mess, un-organization, and all that.

More tomorrow. Hopefully, I would have a few more things to talk about. Over and out. And here’s streaks

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 170
#noCoffee – 13
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 12686. Bought a Gimbal for the EBC.
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2
Morning Pages / Meditations – 260

270821 – Morning Pages

I longish post on how work, social constructs, luck, self-flagellation, travel and more. Kind of depressing. Read with caution.

7:05. Lokhandwala. Even though I am mere 7 days away from quitting this place (and I’ve had this for almost a year now), I still can’t seem to call this place home. There’s nothing home-like here. Too many old things from the landlord. Too few people that I would’ve liked to invite to make this into a home. No memories, no routines, no customizations were created. And it’s ok. I dont think I will miss this place at all. This one remains the second most worse house I’ve ever lived in, in Mumbai. The one in Peter Apartments takes the cake. The common thing between the two is that both are old houses with older furniture piled by the landlord to expect more rent. The lesson is that the next house that I move in, has to be empty, barring the ACs. And I refuse to own things till I know I will not have to move. Shifting a house is probably more stressful than managing an event.

Anyhow. It’s gonna be gone in less than a week. I will move most of my things out tomorrow. Leaving behind a change of clothes, a couple of bedsheets, and some toiletries. Will move everything (writing table, books, etc etc) tomorrow. So, the dream of living in a bare house shall come true. I actually did it with the last house as well. I slept in the empty house after I had moved all my things. And it was discomforting and weird and interesting af. Let’s see how is the experience in this house.

So, yesterday was a good day. From 8 till about 3 I was at a Starbucks (not my regular one though) and had some 242 green teas. Then I met a friend for another tea. The highlight of that meeting is that the friend told me that he’s for a membership to the MCA. Wow! So so cool! Also reminded me of the challenge thrown by Rana Sir. #lifeGoal! Among other things, I gave a lot of gyaan to this friend about life and all. And I realized that I enjoy doing that. Who doesn’t 😀

Then I had a work meeting where I had to present something. Oh, and I enjoyed it! It went ok, to be honest, we could’ve done more. But I loved that I was in a conference room, talking about things. I must do it more often. I mean, while I hate this concept of inter-city travel, I love the idea of being able to jam intelligently on things. I wish I could do it more often. I am ok even life makes me a traveling salesman that is on the road all the time talking. I am ok with having no home to come back to. There’s actually nothing I can call home. Probably apart from my parent’s house in Delhi. That too is fading away soon – you know, I’ve been away for too long, I am used to this weird lifestyle where I dont want anything or I want it as plush as an Ambani would have. So yeah.

Post the meeting, went out with colleagues for dinner. Till that time I had refrained from eating. Even though I was on the road. And then I gave in. The time when I had to show my biggest restraint, I gave in. But then, I only ate in that one window. So OMAD nonetheless. Will try yet again today for a 48-hour fast. Lol!

The other thing I realized is that I am unable to hold conversations that are about worldly matters. I did not know the cricket score. I had no clue what is the ideological difference between Taliban and ISIS. And how are they different from others. I had no inkling of the films and Netflix series that they were talking about. But when the topics swung to work, I could talk and I was unstoppable. This uni-dimensionality to my life needs to either become more pronounced. Or needs to go. I don’t know which. But one of these has to happen. #note2self

So that was yesterday.

Today looks a little ok. I mean I dont have any rushed meetings anywhere. I do have a few presentations to make. I do have some slides to write. But that’s that. A lot of time will be spent packing whatever little needs to be packed. So far my life is contained in 3 Ikea bags full of books, a carton full of paper, a big suitcase full of clothes and that’s all. I will probably have one more carton and one more suitcase. Of course the writing-table and all that.

Oh, almost forgot. In the big news, the road trip that I was super excited about for the last month or two? It got canceled. Technical reasons. I will no longer be able to meet all those people that I had promised to meet en-route Delhi. I will no longer be able to do the long-planned atma-manthan. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to happen in the first place? Maybe it will happen while I am walking towards EBC? But then, who knows if that gets canceled as well? You know how life could be. Despite me being a destiny’s child, life does hand me lemons when I least expect it to. I think I should get this “Expect the best. Prepare for the worst.” tattooed on me. Apart from “this too shall pass”. Good that I sat with SJ2 and got my will actioned. In case he forgets, in the worst-case scenario, if I am gone, I want my digital footprint wiped. I’d have no way of knowing if that happens but I trust custodians of my will to manage that.

Oh, btw, I decided to make a vlog of the trip to EBC. I am going to buy a few gadgets – a camera, gimbal, battery packs, etc. I am not sure if I want to go all-in and think about the vlog (rather than being in the moment and walking and thinking). But the idea has taken seed. I need to think over the next 5-6 days if I want to do it. Let’s see.

So, I am taking a train to Ahmedabad to meet Krishna. And then from there on, I’ll take a flight to Delhi (will or shall?). This means that all the things that I wanted to dump in Delhi, I can no longer carry. I will have to trust SJ2 or Paras with those things. They are reliable people but then those things are not mine and I am a mere custodian and I want to thus be super careful. Also, I had thought I would take a few things that my parents could use in Delhi (read TV) but then that may not happen. These are the times when I sort of crave for a lot of money. You know, I would’ve bought a car and then dumped it in Delhi. The experience of being on the road for 5 days is what I was looking forward to. Wish I was resourceful enough to do this.

Wait. Fuck my misery.

The talk of resourceful reminds me of the Jeff Bezos quip. He says that the single largest quality he seeks in his partners / teams is resourcefulness. I think he said something like, “if I get trapped in a third-world country prison, I want my partner to be able to rescue me from there.” This is EXACTLY what is happening in Afghanistan. I am thinking if this were to happen in India tomorrow, do I have resourceful people to get out of India? Or if my favorite person was trapped in Af right now, could I’ve got her out? No. And No. So that means, I need to put in more work. And I need to inculcate this in every young person I meet.

To the thing above, if I need a balancing thought, I can say that I did get some help from a couple of loose connections (Jash and another writer) on a new project that I am pitching for. And both of them are willing to work on it without seeking any upfront compensation. So, in a way, I do have access to people that can help me if needed. Even last year when I needed help, I was surprised that loose connections were more approachable and helpful than the ones I share a strong bond with. Life’s funny like that. Actually, not life. Us humans are funny. We look at patterns and try and seek evidence in support of the ones we believe to be true. And I somehow manifest them to repeat. I can put forth a lot of examples. My romantic partners lose interest in me after a bit and consider hanging out with me an “embarrassment” in the worlds they live in. My “boy gang” continues to march forward on frivolous conversations and is hardly around to help with fuckeries of life. I seem to quit work right when I was just supposed to reap the benefits. I’ve lived almost 40 years with this pattern. This cycle. Dunno when and how I would break out of it.

Ok enough. Rant. Damn this promise to live in public.

Guess this is about it.

Felt amaze to write 1000+ words after a while.

Thing is, when I have things to write about, I can write fast and I can make sense. I just need to be able to do this even when I have nothing in my head. That’s when magic would happen!

Chalo with that, it’s over and out. In less than 35 minutes, I have 1500+ words. Well done, Mr. G!

Here’s the streaks.

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 169
#noCoffee – 12
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 6770
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2
Morning Pages / Meditations – 259