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031121 – Morning Pages

I talk about festivals and unreasonable people moving the world and making us humans!

7:49. So, the Diwali cheer is in the air. There is lights all around and it’s a fabulous scene! I am in Gurgaon and the lights are brilliant. To a point that I would have loved to just drive around looking at the gorgeousness that us humans are capable of creating. Of course, one may argue that anything we create would never be as gorgeous as what Mother Nature planned so effortlessly. But still. It was gorgeous to walk around.

Anyhow. I like when the world outside is decked up like that. I wish the decking up was a year-long affair. Well, not really. Cos if it was decked up all year long, people wouldn’t feel special about the festivals. You know, how you respect and love things and are attracted to the ones that are rare? That!

Thing is, to me, the meaning of festivals has changed over the years. It was mostly religious when I was young. And then it became an opportunity to meet friends and family and spend time together. Then it became a ritual – you know, a thing in a year that I would do with my family. Something that I know my parents would look up to. I mean I am assuming they looked forward to it. Not sure if they did 😀 Anyhow, Now it has become a time when everyone is on a break and I can use that downtime to think more and do more. I am sure in another few years it would become an occasion to take breaks!

The point is, festivals are lit! And here’s a film that I love AF. Love Actually. It’s a film about love and belonging and seperation and togetherness. Around Christmas, New Year etc. Here’s a song from the film. See it. You know, I often see this and pine to have a love thingy like one of these people. Lol.

Moving on.

The highlight of yesterday was that I had this epiphany about being an unreasonable person. So the people I am working on an event with, the owner of that agency is the most polite, humble, good, kind, AND the most unreasonable man ever.

Let me about his unreasonableness. He is the kinds that will go promise the world to the world. And then deliver. Despite all odds. Anjum Sir said in a class once, “with you, without you or in spite of you”. Anna is like that. If a client wants it, Anna delivers. Inspite of all odds. What’s amazing is not just his ability to deliver things but the fact that he’s got a team of people that can move the mountains to ensure that whatever Anna has committed is done. Come what may.

That is the thing. Unreasonable man. A team that is dying to deliver what the unreasonable man wants. Each of you needs to become unreasonable in your expectations. Each of you needs to find people that you will give an arm and a leg to deliver what you want. And not in an authoritative, abusive, bossy way. But in a way that everyone is aligned to deliver on that. Everyone understands that the magician, the unreasonable is being that not because he is like that but the unreasonableness helps me create opportunities, reputation, and a virtuous circle that elevates everyone!

So that. Here’s a question. Who is the most unreasonable person that you know of? Tell me more about him / her.

And here’s the journal!

Emoticon: :). Was an ok day. I juggled multiple things at work. I managed them quite ok, I guess. I went out for a dinner with some colleagues I am on a project with. Met a friend for wine and all. In all, a nice day. Could do with more such days.
Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 0. I did a 10-minute session of Headspace but I am still not being in the zone.
Things that I am grateful for
1. People generally tend to like me, trust me. I am grateful that I give out such vibes.
Things that would make my today great
1. Work :D. I have a few things open at work and today most clients will not be working. So I will have some peace with it.
A daily affirmation.
I am an unreasonbale man and I take shots that are out of my league. And once in a while, I hit those. And it’s pretty amazing when that happens.
Amazing things that happened yesterday?
Can’t think of anything specific. It was in general a good day!
What could have made yesterday better?
1. I got late when I had to meet a friend. I should have been on time. I hate it when I am late.
Quote for the day
“It is the unreasonable man that is responsible for all the progress we’ve made as humans.”

Here’s the streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
NOFAP – 0
#noCoke – 0
#noCoffee – 0
#aPicADay – o
Daily Journal – 27
Money spent – 4148
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
Daily Mail to #teamSG – 27
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
Morning Pages / Meditations – 27

261021 – Morning Pages

A VERY short post today. Did not have time and thus had to crunch my thoughts and ideas into a short one.

8:33. This is probably going to be the shortest one I’ve ever written. The thing is, I have a lot of work and while I want to prioritize morning pages over everything else, I am unable to. I can rant about it but without any further ado, here is the morning pages. I will lean on SM’s journal to write about this.

Oh before I start, today is AS’ event and I hope and pray and wish that it goes well. More about it on another day.

Here we go with the journal.

Emoticon: :|. I slept well. Maybe some 6 hours straight. Not sure what caused it. But can’t complain. But then I have tons of things on my head. But that’s ok. I am ok with this sort of a life.
Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 1.
Things that I am grateful for
1. I can plan my time to deliver things. For example, I dont have time today to even write morning pages and yet I know that I will be able to deliver the urgent deliverable I am working on.
2. I dont put names here but this one I need to. There’s this guy, Paras. He works with me. I am grateful that he respects me and he is around EACH time I need him. I hope that I am around when he needs me. And I need to have an army of people that is around me. Right now, I think I have no one when it comes to being able to trust em with life. VG comes close. Paras is closest. But I get that they have their own shit happening and thus I may not be their priority. I wish I could have people that made me their priority while I made them mine. You know, not seeking a romantic relationship here. But one where I know someone has my back. Ok, rant. Moving on.
Things that would make my today great
1. If I can finish work on time and go home, it would be great. Lol. Everything is work. Mr. Garg needs a life.
A daily affirmation.
Each person I care for – family, relatives, friends, acquiantences etc – they are happy healthy engaged and thriving.
Amazing things that happened yesterday?
1. Spoke to a cousin of mine. I am not the one to invest too much time in family matters and I spoke to this one probably after ages. But it was great to talk to her. I will probably meet her tomorrow. Let’s see.
2. I met a friend for dinner / coffee. It was so much fun to catch up with her.
What could have made yesterday better?
1. I really wanted to clip my nails. But I could not. It I could’ve, it would have been awesome.
2. I ate like a hog. And as I write this, have ordered a lot of food already. I wish I could avoid eating. I remember telling a friend that when I am stressed, I get hungry and horny. And I am feeding into both these vices with carbs and porn. It sucks. Need to fix it.
Quote for the day
Progress > Perfection.

Ok. Now some words are out of the way, I will try and write till 9:14 and hit publish. So, in terms of things that I am thinking about, I updated the Work With Me page. In fact, the quote of the day came from this page.

I am also thinking about a rebranding project that I am working on. So far it seems to be going ok but if I dont action it today or tomorrow, it would go off-track.

I am also thinking about where I want to be post-Diwali. I am really thinking about being in Nepal. Not Kathmandu. Some remote place in the hills. I liked it there. Just that Internet would be a problem. I am thinking of Goa as well but the thing with Goa is that it is no longer cheap. And second, I have explored it already. Also, this time I want to be on a mountain. I need to get into fitness regime for the trek that I would undertake #in2022. Any ideas? clues? recommendations?

Ok. It’s 9:14. Publishing.

This is about it for the day. And here’s the streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
NOFAP – 0
#noCoke – 0.
#noCoffee – 0. Had a LOT!
#aPicADay – 18. Yesterday’s here.
Daily Journal – 19
Money spent – 7704
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
Daily Mail to #teamSG – 19
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1.
Morning Pages / Meditations – 19

081021 – Morning Pages

Another quick post. Nothing specific. Added more sections to the daily journal / morning pages.

9:09. Starbucks. Yay!

I can’t begin to tell how excited and happy and content I am to be at a Starbucks. And a predictable place where I have fairly fast wi-fi, decent music, ok coffee, and clean indoors. I dont know why I dont live next to one. I mean in Mumbai, I lived next to 5. But that’s past now. The new place I find in whatever city I choose to live in has to be next to a Starbucks. If I go to Goa, then I am not sure. But if it’s a legit city, I need a house next to a Starbucks. Or a 24X7 co-working.

So that.

Ok. Today, I have started a new thing. Each day, first thing in the morning, I plan to send a list of things that I plan to work on to my team. And then by EOD, I want to update them on how I did during the day. I have already mailed them what I am going to do. These include things that I would do for money and things I would not do for money. Today was day 1. So let’s see how it goes. I will also add it to my streaks.

Continuing on that, I also spotted this Twitter thread by Sanjay Mehta where he talks about his journaling. He says his journal has the following sections…

Date
An emoticon that describes how he’s feeling
A Mindful Index
Quote of the day
Things that he is grafeful for on that day.
Things that would make today great.
A Daily affirmation
3 amazing things that happened yesterday.
What could have made my previous day better.

I think this is a brilliant method to journal and capture the thoughts in your head. I think I will copy this. While SM does this with pen and paper, I am far from it. I am trying to adopt minimalism. So, for starters, I will capture these here. On morning pages. Here we go…

Emoticon: :). Started the day with a wretched mood when I could not get a cab. Had to take an auto and the metro. Worked out to be honest cos I could find an open Starbucks by the time I reached.
Mindful Index (on a scale of 10): 2. Been very very distracted lately. A lot’s on my mind with respect to work. Let’s see how I fare.
Things that I am grateful.
1. a, the fact that I can afford expensive coffee.
2. b, the fact that I am back after an ardous trek to the Base Camp.
3. c, my parents that give me so much freedom that it’s criminal.
Things that would make my today great
1. I plan to write my quarterly update to bade log. If I can manage that, I would be happy.
2. If I can avoid eating crap (even though I am out the entire day), I would be happy.
A daily affirmation. I live in abundance and I have access to all the resources I need to make things happen.
Amazing things that happened yesterday?
1. Gave gyaan to a friend on podcasting
2. Got back to work. Had some calls. Realised how much I miss working!
What could have made yesterday better?
1. If I could work out of an office or a cafe, I would have liked it
2. If I was little less sleepy, I would be better.
3. If I could’ve got some workout in, even better!
Quote for the day: “Amor Fati“

Ok. This took me a lot of time. But I am glad I did this. Made me think, reflect and really get in my head. So cool! Thanks, Sanjay!

Moving on with the day. Here’s the streaks.

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
NOFAP – 0
#noCoke – 1
#noCoffee – 0. Having one as we speak.
#aPicADay – 1. Here.
Daily Journal – 1. Started today
Money spent – Did not track. Will start from today.
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
Daily Mail to #teamSG – 1
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1. I am retaining this from last time around.
Morning Pages / Meditations – 2

130921 – Morning Pages

A note from the land of thekas and perpetual construction!

8:43. This one comes to you from a Starbucks in Gurgaon. Took me almost two hours to reach here. Had to meet a couple of people and anyway what else would I do at home. I am even hoping to stay back the night and meet more people if I can.

There is this funny feeling when I am in Gurgaon. I see these tall, swanky buildings and people dressed in their official best and making merry after their office hours at those fancy places to dine out. It’s a world that I want to belong to but I am unable to relate to. A lot of people I know can only navigate life in such worlds and would probably be lost at a place like Mumbai, where ~~I have decided to live~~ life has decided to make me call home. Actually, I can’t really call Mumbai home. There’s nothing that I look forward to. The only thing that Mumbai offers me that no other city offers me is the freedom and convenience to move around. And in a way, I want to. I mean I am almost always the worst dressed person around. And in Mumbai, it’s cool. At Gurgaon, I get stares when I walk around. Today I am dressed in my best shirt and a pair of jeans. And yet I am being stared at. Probably it’s the chappal.

Reminds me. I have less than a week now to go and I am still not wearing shoes. And to top it off, I went and bought a pair of hiking sandals for myself. My plan is to wear those as far as I can. And wear shoes only and if only I need to.

In other news, I have started to think about where life would take me from here on. For a change, I have started to get serious. In the sense, I was in the zone where I was steadfast in my decision to stay independent. Where I try to find work that gives me the freedom to move around, live anywhere, and do multiple things. But this trip to Delhi has changed a few things. For starters, I now need to up my ante as a son. My parents need me. And they need the money. With my lifestyle, money has always been a challenge. I was ok to live life as and when and I have upgraded and downgraded my lifestyle a few times already. But now, I think I need some sort of stability. More than for myself, for my folks. They have only given me. I owe them this much. Even if that means I need to put my life and my aspirations at stake. In an ideal world, I would make both things work – get something that allows me the freedom, and them the comfort that money can bring. No, I often dont talk about these things in public but well, live in public!

Ok. Moving on from somber things.

I am still undecided about working from Nepal. On one side, it would offer an opportunity to work from a new place and understand a new place. The stint in Goa was very very useful. I made a few connections and learned a lot. If I could work from Nepal for a few days, it would be very enriching. In arguments against working from Nepal, the challenge would be to find a place that allows me to make phone calls in peace and a comfortable enough bed to crash on. BTW, my definition of comfort is fairly evolved and most people I know will probably not understand it. More on this some other day.

What else? Guess this is about it. I am in that place where I know that I have a 3-week break coming up. In less than a week. And that means I can’t initiate any new projects. And there’s no time per se to even push things on exiting projects. Weird kind of place to be in, to be honest.

But I guess, as they say, this too shall pass!

And before I end this, here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 186
#noCoffee – 30
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 2560
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -3 +1 (buying things for once in a life adventures)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 276
NOFAP – 12

100921 – Morning Pages

A quick post where I rant to my heart’s content. About nothing in specific. And yet, about everything.

7:08. Home. Woke up some time ago. I am unable to find a place where I can sit and work. There is this humdrum of a well-lived house – sounds of clattering from the kitchen, water being poured somewhere on some plants, the incessant doorbell, and so on and so forth. I am so so so used to living by myself and designing my spaces to my liking that I am unable to understand how to react to all this commotion. Of course, this is not commotion per se. This is more like the sounds of life but I guess these are not for me. I designed my life in a way that I did not have a kitchen (though I wanted to change that), there was no one to talk to or do anything till I first initiated. Even when I lived with sgGF, she was the kind to sleep late and I had the first few hours of the day to myself. And there’s nothing that sets my mood, the tone of my day like the mornings do. My mornings are the most sacrosanct time. I need to be left to myself – even if I am watching Taarak Mehta!

Plus, since I have come home (been two days), I haven’t been able to think of things. This happens each time I am here. I am not sure what is the cause. There has to be one. Why is it that I am not as engaged as I would want to be when I am in Delhi? #tothink

Anyhow. Rant hai. Moving on.

So in the highlights yesterday, I met one of those young ones that I want to become my budhape ki laathi. It was fabulous to see young people and their ambitions and dreams and the effort they are willing to make for that. I wish I could give them a better support system than what I have offered them right now. I call them #teamSG. I need to find a better name. I mean Team SG is super vain and I don’t want that. So that’s something I need to work on.

I was also at a Decathlon outlet and I was amazed at the collection. The sad part though was that the person who was support to help around was super uninterested in selling. What a shame, to be honest. Also, I noticed a subtle difference. At the Decathlons in Mumbai, they dont ask you to deposit your bags to the security. Here, they did. Guess something to do with how people behave? How big a problem pilferage is in Delhi? Lol!

Oh, I missed mentioning but I slept at around 7 last night. Woke up at 9. Slept again at 10. And then I woke up at 6ish today. And while the sleep was ok, I had a few distinct dreams that I recall. Yay! I think it’s after a while that I have been able to remember my dreams. Took a note over at #echochamber.

For the EBC, I had planned to take a Gimbal and a new phone to record a video blog of the journey. However, I have decided against it. I dont have the money to get a phone. And the one I have can’t do – it’s a three-year-old iPhone and the battery is literally dead. And I dont want to spend anything. I would rather use the money to help build the people that I care for. No, I can’t put in words why I do this for others but this is what defines me and I can’t escape from it. Maybe with time, I will change but as of today, this is how it is. So that!

What else?

I feel as if I have a lot to talk about. A lot to write. A lot to pour out. But then the thoughts are scattered so all over the place that I dont know what to do. I am so glad that I have this break coming up. I will be with some people but I can choose to remain aloof and silent and merely observe things. Let’s see how that experiment goes.

Guess this is about it. Time to get going with the day. Have a lot to do. Need to of course find a place to go work from. Not sure where I’d go. Time shall tell.

Over and out. Here’s streaks.

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 183
#noCoffee – 27
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 6096
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2 +1 (ease of shifting)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 273
NOFAP – 9

080921 – Morning Pages

A short note on mortality and how I would want to leave this world. When I do.

9:38. Home. The only home I’ve ever known. Except in the embrace of the ones I that I’ve loved. And the ones that have loved me. So this home, the one I have grown in, am here after a while. Almost a year! The last time I came here, it was Diwali of 2020 and then I went to Goa. And then I was in Mumbai and then the pandemic hit us again and all that. So that.

Ok. Time to get into some somber mood. This is probably one of the most important posts I’d ever write. I hope words can do justice.

So yesterday, I went to a hospital to meet a relative who’s just had heart surgery.

Lemme give some context. I’ve known him since I was a child and I have spent enough and more time in his backyard. Even in his lap. And he’s given me no less love than he would give to his children. And in life, he’s been a pillar to the entire family. And beyond. He has been an icon of righteousness, selfless service, and everything that you want in a man. No, he’s not really one of those people who’d inspire you with his tales of courage or exploits in business. He is as simple as they come and yet as special as they could be.

Yesterday, he was bedridden. Which is ok. I have seen him when he’s asleep.

But then he had a million wires and hoses and pipes running through his body to the machines that sort of keep the vital functions alive. He looked frail. Fragile. He still had his confidence and his neck held high, the one that I remember him for. But he was clearly putting in a lot of effort to do that. And oh man, did he put the effort!

Of course, he would recover and would be back to action before we know it. Of course, this is part and parcel of life. Of course, I need to be strong and get used to seeing my loved ones in that state – after all, age is catching up.

But that’s not what this post is about. It is about how I do NOT want to be like that. Articulation happened when I was talking to Krishna yesterday. So, the thing is, most people that know me, know me as someone hyper. Someone that can’t sit idle for a minute. Someone that is so fidgety that he’s moving all the time. Someone so full of energy that it’s literally impossible to control. Or contain. Someone who’s so infectious, so disturbing, so all over the place that you can’t ignore him. I dont know if this is good or bad. But this is how I am. If you have any other impressions of me, please do let me know.

So, if I were to fall sick and I am forced onto a bed, bondage-d by pipes and cables and all that, I do NOT want anyone I know to see me decapitated like that. Before any of those people that I love (there are just a handful of those) were to see me like that, I would want the plug to be pulled. Really. I have thought hard about this. For all the zest I have for life, for all the things I want to do with our limited time here, if I am ever in a position like that, I really want my dreams, my hopes, my existence to be wiped out. I am ok to go without saying my goodbyes. The good part is that hardly anyone cares for me outside my parents and probably my sis. So there is no question of giving closure to people. They would find it. Time anyway heals.

Coming back. So, I dont want the ones I love to have the last memory of me to not be of a person that couldn’t sit still and not have child-like enthusiasm or energy. Come what may.

So yeah. That.

Over and out.

And here’s streaks.

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 181
#noCoffee – 25
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 3109
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2 +1 (ease of shifting)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 271
NOFAP – 7

050921 – Morning Pages

A recap of how I spent yesterday in Ahmedabad. I met people, thought a lot and then learnt a few lessons. It was awesome!

9:19. Starbucks. Ahemdabad.

I had an eventful day yesterday. No, not in the sense of things happening to me but meeting new and interesting people, face to face. I’ve done this after a while. You know, meeting loose connections, talking to them about everything under the sun, and dreaming about possibilities. I’ve missed this meeting with new people and jamming with them. Damn, COVID! Of the people I met, there were a couple of fund managers, an entrepreneur, another aspiring entrepreneur, and another person that runs his family’s business.

While talking to people I realized my limitations. I learned where I am often wrong. I even saw places where I was more right. I missed the fact that I was not carrying a notepad and thus couldn’t take notes. There were some really interesting conversations. I must do this often!

So, for posterity and note-taking, lemme make a list of things that I learned yesterday. About myself and others.

I know the names of a lot of people. And a lot of people know my name. This is a good thing. I just to find a way to convert this knowledge into transactions and work and business.
Most people that are loose connections dont know what I do. I need to fix this. #sgP1. Simply because opportunities do not come to me if people dont know what I do. I need to have a singular definition. I know I want to do a million things but the world works in a manner where they want a singular answer to problems. So, that.
I am a bit wierd. I want to operate in greys. And I want to operate in black and white. These are two different things and there is no way both can go hand in hand and yet I want to have these work in sync. I need to think more on this.
A third-party person seeing my twitter feed recalls the negatives that I have posted about. Even though I have stayed away from rants for a long long time, people still tend to remember that. So, need to be careful about rants. On twitter. On FB. On every possible social outpost. Except here. And on echochamber. This is where I post things to sort of get my head clear. I can bury this link deep. I mean if I were someone with huge successes, people would probably celebrate my outbursts. But then, I am not. And thus.
One of the people I met mentioned about Max Gunther’s work on luck. I am going to spend time on it today. Here’s the book, in case. This link summarises the book well, in case. Even this is not bad.
Another person said out loud that you need to have the balls to call a spade a spade. I dont have this at all. I am the kinds that makes people into soy. Even though I believe in “good job”, I still spoil my people rotten. To a point that they become, well, soy. I need to get better at this for sure. #sgP1

Guess this is all I recall from my meetings. If I remember something else, I would make changes in my Roam graph (and not here :D)

Oh, I have this fuckall cold for the last three days. Running nose, heavy head, and sore throat. Today’s the third day so I should be hopefully better by tomorrow. No, I did not take medicines. And yes, I have been feeding the cold. I hate being unwell. I hate being sick. I hate when I dont have the energy to perform. I mean the very act of living is an ongoing performance that I am on. I just hope I can regain some strength and still have some leftover as I go for the walk up the EBC. I would’ve liked to be a far stronger shape but I will have to do with whatever I have.

Guess this is about it. I am glad that I could find the time and energy to write this. More later. If I can.

Here’s streaks…

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 178
#noCoffee – 22
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 7396
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2 +1 (ease of shifting)
Morning Pages / Meditations – 268
NOFAP – 4

280821 – Morning Pages

A quick post about the effort and horrors and mindfuckery that moving things from a house could be.

8:41. Moving day. Have packed my life. In one suitcase. One carry-on. One laptop bag that I carry around on day to day basis. Three Ikea bags. Four cartons. A writing table. Two chairs. And this blog. That’s all. My life. Funny how much self-important you consider yourself to be and at the end of it, what you are left with is just a handful of things. I mean if I were to die tomorrow, that’s all I would leave behind. No legacy, nothing of interest to anyone. Nothing that others could look at and wonder who was this guy?

There were things that till a few days away I would have killed to retain, save, take care of. But then I decided that I did not want to. In fact, this inventory that I made above? I want to be able to discard those as well. At some point in time in life. Let’s see when I do that. I still need a lot of work to be able to reach that place.

So anyhow. Yesterday I did an interesting experiment. I was forced to actually. I worked from the shelter (I think is what this house was – a shelter. I was never home) till about 4 and then went to Starbucks. And then stayed there till about 10. While I was there, I could get a lot of calls done and a lot of things that needed work. But then I must say that the place is a lot more vibrant at that hour. There were people all over. There was cheer and love and sadness and dreams and work and plans and everything else that you can imagine can happen at a place like Starbucks!

So this is the time when I am a little ok, a little at peace. In about an hour or so (if Paras is on time), I will be full of stress and full of anger. I hate the idea of moving. There are way too many things that are in motion. There is way too much intrusion into privacy. And I am one of those extremely private people. I mean I am ok to live in public but I dont like people peering into my house. I dont know why. It’s funny. I am ok with people knowing that my friends dont come around when I need them, but I dont want them to see how I live. It’s weird and eccentric, to be honest. But that’s how it is.

So today starts a longish weekend for people. Monday is a chutti. So the external parties demanding attention would be limited. That would help. Been working way too hard over the last few days and I think I can do with this non-intrusive life. Of course, I am working but at my pace, at my time, at my convenience. I am also on the road a lot. In the sense, I am shutting between two houses in Andheri today to move my things. Then I am in Bandra tomorrow in the morning (will have to ensure that I wake up early and write morning pages), I have a call right after that. I am in Powai on Monday morning. For almost the entire day. Then Ghatkopar on Tuesday. Again for an entire day. Post that I will have some sort of reprieve from travel. Till the train on Friday. And then madness in and around Delhi. I know I would be unhappy while in Delhi but there’s no other place I can truly call home.

What else am I thinking about?

Ummm… not sure. This moving around is such a big thing in itself that it occupies all the space in your head and soul. Oh, I have a podcast to record today. So that should be interesting. I like the idea of talking to people and listening to them and learning from them. So that’s gonna be cool.

Ok, I think this is about it for the day. I need to clean a few more things even before the boys I’ve called to help move come in. I hate the idea of dirt, mess, un-organization, and all that.

More tomorrow. Hopefully, I would have a few more things to talk about. Over and out. And here’s streaks

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 170
#noCoffee – 13
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 12686. Bought a Gimbal for the EBC.
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2
Morning Pages / Meditations – 260

270821 – Morning Pages

I longish post on how work, social constructs, luck, self-flagellation, travel and more. Kind of depressing. Read with caution.

7:05. Lokhandwala. Even though I am mere 7 days away from quitting this place (and I’ve had this for almost a year now), I still can’t seem to call this place home. There’s nothing home-like here. Too many old things from the landlord. Too few people that I would’ve liked to invite to make this into a home. No memories, no routines, no customizations were created. And it’s ok. I dont think I will miss this place at all. This one remains the second most worse house I’ve ever lived in, in Mumbai. The one in Peter Apartments takes the cake. The common thing between the two is that both are old houses with older furniture piled by the landlord to expect more rent. The lesson is that the next house that I move in, has to be empty, barring the ACs. And I refuse to own things till I know I will not have to move. Shifting a house is probably more stressful than managing an event.

Anyhow. It’s gonna be gone in less than a week. I will move most of my things out tomorrow. Leaving behind a change of clothes, a couple of bedsheets, and some toiletries. Will move everything (writing table, books, etc etc) tomorrow. So, the dream of living in a bare house shall come true. I actually did it with the last house as well. I slept in the empty house after I had moved all my things. And it was discomforting and weird and interesting af. Let’s see how is the experience in this house.

So, yesterday was a good day. From 8 till about 3 I was at a Starbucks (not my regular one though) and had some 242 green teas. Then I met a friend for another tea. The highlight of that meeting is that the friend told me that he’s for a membership to the MCA. Wow! So so cool! Also reminded me of the challenge thrown by Rana Sir. #lifeGoal! Among other things, I gave a lot of gyaan to this friend about life and all. And I realized that I enjoy doing that. Who doesn’t 😀

Then I had a work meeting where I had to present something. Oh, and I enjoyed it! It went ok, to be honest, we could’ve done more. But I loved that I was in a conference room, talking about things. I must do it more often. I mean, while I hate this concept of inter-city travel, I love the idea of being able to jam intelligently on things. I wish I could do it more often. I am ok even life makes me a traveling salesman that is on the road all the time talking. I am ok with having no home to come back to. There’s actually nothing I can call home. Probably apart from my parent’s house in Delhi. That too is fading away soon – you know, I’ve been away for too long, I am used to this weird lifestyle where I dont want anything or I want it as plush as an Ambani would have. So yeah.

Post the meeting, went out with colleagues for dinner. Till that time I had refrained from eating. Even though I was on the road. And then I gave in. The time when I had to show my biggest restraint, I gave in. But then, I only ate in that one window. So OMAD nonetheless. Will try yet again today for a 48-hour fast. Lol!

The other thing I realized is that I am unable to hold conversations that are about worldly matters. I did not know the cricket score. I had no clue what is the ideological difference between Taliban and ISIS. And how are they different from others. I had no inkling of the films and Netflix series that they were talking about. But when the topics swung to work, I could talk and I was unstoppable. This uni-dimensionality to my life needs to either become more pronounced. Or needs to go. I don’t know which. But one of these has to happen. #note2self

So that was yesterday.

Today looks a little ok. I mean I dont have any rushed meetings anywhere. I do have a few presentations to make. I do have some slides to write. But that’s that. A lot of time will be spent packing whatever little needs to be packed. So far my life is contained in 3 Ikea bags full of books, a carton full of paper, a big suitcase full of clothes and that’s all. I will probably have one more carton and one more suitcase. Of course the writing-table and all that.

Oh, almost forgot. In the big news, the road trip that I was super excited about for the last month or two? It got canceled. Technical reasons. I will no longer be able to meet all those people that I had promised to meet en-route Delhi. I will no longer be able to do the long-planned atma-manthan. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to happen in the first place? Maybe it will happen while I am walking towards EBC? But then, who knows if that gets canceled as well? You know how life could be. Despite me being a destiny’s child, life does hand me lemons when I least expect it to. I think I should get this “Expect the best. Prepare for the worst.” tattooed on me. Apart from “this too shall pass”. Good that I sat with SJ2 and got my will actioned. In case he forgets, in the worst-case scenario, if I am gone, I want my digital footprint wiped. I’d have no way of knowing if that happens but I trust custodians of my will to manage that.

Oh, btw, I decided to make a vlog of the trip to EBC. I am going to buy a few gadgets – a camera, gimbal, battery packs, etc. I am not sure if I want to go all-in and think about the vlog (rather than being in the moment and walking and thinking). But the idea has taken seed. I need to think over the next 5-6 days if I want to do it. Let’s see.

So, I am taking a train to Ahmedabad to meet Krishna. And then from there on, I’ll take a flight to Delhi (will or shall?). This means that all the things that I wanted to dump in Delhi, I can no longer carry. I will have to trust SJ2 or Paras with those things. They are reliable people but then those things are not mine and I am a mere custodian and I want to thus be super careful. Also, I had thought I would take a few things that my parents could use in Delhi (read TV) but then that may not happen. These are the times when I sort of crave for a lot of money. You know, I would’ve bought a car and then dumped it in Delhi. The experience of being on the road for 5 days is what I was looking forward to. Wish I was resourceful enough to do this.

Wait. Fuck my misery.

The talk of resourceful reminds me of the Jeff Bezos quip. He says that the single largest quality he seeks in his partners / teams is resourcefulness. I think he said something like, “if I get trapped in a third-world country prison, I want my partner to be able to rescue me from there.” This is EXACTLY what is happening in Afghanistan. I am thinking if this were to happen in India tomorrow, do I have resourceful people to get out of India? Or if my favorite person was trapped in Af right now, could I’ve got her out? No. And No. So that means, I need to put in more work. And I need to inculcate this in every young person I meet.

To the thing above, if I need a balancing thought, I can say that I did get some help from a couple of loose connections (Jash and another writer) on a new project that I am pitching for. And both of them are willing to work on it without seeking any upfront compensation. So, in a way, I do have access to people that can help me if needed. Even last year when I needed help, I was surprised that loose connections were more approachable and helpful than the ones I share a strong bond with. Life’s funny like that. Actually, not life. Us humans are funny. We look at patterns and try and seek evidence in support of the ones we believe to be true. And I somehow manifest them to repeat. I can put forth a lot of examples. My romantic partners lose interest in me after a bit and consider hanging out with me an “embarrassment” in the worlds they live in. My “boy gang” continues to march forward on frivolous conversations and is hardly around to help with fuckeries of life. I seem to quit work right when I was just supposed to reap the benefits. I’ve lived almost 40 years with this pattern. This cycle. Dunno when and how I would break out of it.

Ok enough. Rant. Damn this promise to live in public.

Guess this is about it.

Felt amaze to write 1000+ words after a while.

Thing is, when I have things to write about, I can write fast and I can make sense. I just need to be able to do this even when I have nothing in my head. That’s when magic would happen!

Chalo with that, it’s over and out. In less than 35 minutes, I have 1500+ words. Well done, Mr. G!

Here’s the streaks.

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 169
#noCoffee – 12
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 6770
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2
Morning Pages / Meditations – 259

260821 – Morning Pages

A shortpost lamenting about lack of money, fancy things, audience and more. Damn these ranty and negative posts!

8:30. Starbucks. Somewhere in Lower Parel. I am here yet again. Second time in less than a week or so. Work. Sigh. I am now realising how incredible a waste of time this face to face meetings are, especially when it’s mere transactional work. TBH, today is not transactional per se. This one is an important meeting. But this could very well have been a Zoom call. But theek hai. Kaam hai. Karo.

So, yesterday I was supposed to start a 48-hour fast. But I ended up eating like a pig. That was coming out of famine. I ate whatever I saw. Even if the taste was BS and all I ate was fried in oil that was already heated and re-heated a million times. As a result, my stomach has revolted. I have this funny feeling in my gut. I dont know what to do to solve it. I remember Vijesh telling me that each time you are unwell, just fast for 3 days and have just coconut water. So lemme try that today. I mean today I will have to have a lot of green tea (aka ghaas ka paani) as I am on the road but I can have coconut water from tomorrow on. Let’s see.

Also, yesterday, a funny thing happened. I have to log it in here. I am part of the team that is making a short film. For that, since it’s an indie film, we need to save as much money as we can. The team decided that they would pick things from our respective homes and houses and decorate the set. They thus decided to come over to my place. And when they were decided that, I realized that I hate to let strangers come over to my space for inspection. I dont have anything to hide. I have just a handful of things. Even those, most are packed already. I keep my place mostly tidy. But when the decision was made to come over to my place, I was fucked in my head. And these were people that I trust and love and care for and all that. And for a project that would help me go beyond in life. And yet I heard my pit growl. I dont know what it is about getting people in places where I live.

I remember last year when I lived at a fancier place, during the lockdown, VG and AS came over on some frivolous pretext. I was mindfucked for a week after that. The same thing happened when I lived in a fancy locality but a fuckall house. I think it’s my insecurity at the inability to make enough to stand shoulder to shoulder with my peers. I need to think more about this at some point in time in life. Let’s see when. #toThink

Oh, I got paid for a project that I had done in June. This means I can now fund the film that I spoke about earlier. And more importantly, I can pay my people. Yay!

Ok. Moving on. Next thing. Today.

For starters, I am gonna try and fast today.

Today looks like a bad day. In the sense that I am already in unchartered waters (wearing pants, formal shirt, carrying shoes, at a place that is known for poshness). Plus way too many things open with way too many projects for one of my clients. Plus the growling stomach and the parched heart. Wah. Parched heart. I wish I was more famous and my words found more homes.

I just hope that I can avoid the temptation to eat while I am zipping thru the town. Of course, I have discovered that as long as I am busy in my head, I can. So maybe I need to do that. Keep myself occupied. With what? I dont know yet. Let’s see.

Guess this is it for the day.
I shall report back how it is tomorrow.

Here’s streaks.

OMAD – 0
#book2 – 0
#noCoke – 168
#noCoffee – 11
#aPicADay – 0
Money spent – 1886
Killer Boogie – 0
10K steps a day – 0
Surya Namaskar – 0
10 mins of meditation – 0
Minimaslism Counter – -2
Morning Pages / Meditations – 258